


Outing Larry

by LittleSpoonStyles94



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Breakup, Emotional Abuse, Famous, Fluff, Heartache, M/M, Modest, Mutual Pining, OTRA tour, One Direction Tours, Stress, Suicide Attempt, management
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2020-05-12 20:40:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 78
Words: 339,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19236706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSpoonStyles94/pseuds/LittleSpoonStyles94
Summary: Being in a world famous band is not an easy thing but for the past five years, Liam, Niall, Zayn, Harry and Louis have made One Direction the biggest, most loved band ever. Now they are on the verge of embarking on another world tour : OTRA. Harry and Louis are still madly in love with each other, however their relationship is tested beyond measure. Having to hide it from the world, they are thrown into a closet deeper than they have ever imagined. To be together, its a constant battle sometimes even between themselves. If push comes to shove what will Harry and Louis do? Are the five lads known as One Direction ready to sacrifice all they have for the bond of friendship and ties of love? Through all the stress that fame brings with it, can Harry and Louis let their love shine even if it means going against all the odds?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello. I have started writing this fic on Wattpad back in 2015 during the OTRA tour. On Wattpad I paused at chapter 54 Part 1 but I decided to bring Outing Larry to AO3. I am going to fix it up a little bit. Updates shouldn't take too long as its already written. All I need is to just refurbish it a little bit and fix spelling mistakes and such. I am going to post a couple of chapters. I would appreciate your feedback on this. I do hope you like this work of mine which I love very much and readers on Wattpad seem to love. Anyway, I'll be testing waters with this fic so please do let me know what you think. Thank you. All the love, M.

Harry was late. His damn phone hadn't go off when it was supposed to this morning and it was only thirty minutes ago that Louis had called him, reminding him that they had to be at the radio station in forty-five minutes for their Radio One interview about their upcoming On The Road Again tour. Harry had cursed himself silly as he staggered out of bed and rushed to get himself ready and look presentable. He left his hotel room in a hurry and ran down the corridor narrowly missing crashing into a cleaning cart and two maids.

'Sorry,' he apologized, flashing them his million dollar, dimples and all, all the while continuing to run and trying to button up his white shirt. The maids giggled after him, feeling a rush that Harry Styles had talked to them. He came to the elevator and Ted from security was there, making sure their floor was secure.

'Good morning Harry,' Ted greeted him. 'Running late?'

'Uhm sort of,' Harry grinned at him as he repeatedly pressed the button to call the elevator. 'C'mon, c'mon, c'mon,' he muttered to himself, shifting impatiently from one foot to the other, running his fingers through his curls trying to get them to comply and behave. His hair had grown exponentially long, now brushing his shoulders. He had never let it grow this long but he loved it and Louis loved it especially when he wrapped those curls around his hand and pulled and tugged. Harry felt butterflies erupt in his stomach at the thought of Louis tugging on his hair as he came inside him. Thankfully, the elevator bell dinged and the doors opened, pulling Harry out of his thoughts. Harry rushed in and repeatedly hit the down button.

'You have a good day now Harry,' Ted told him.

'You too,' Harry replied, still hitting the button non stop. Finally the doors closed and the elevator started downwards. Harry took in a deep breath and looked at his reflection in the mirrors round the elevator. His face was flushed, cheeks red and his eyes still a little puffy from sleep. He ran his fingers through his hair again, smoothing down his curls. He smiled at himself, feeling happy and at peace. The world right now was just an amazing place and life couldn't be better. They were about to embark on their third World Tour and even though it was tiring to jet from one place to the other, shows almost every night, he loved it. He got to do this with his three best friends and the love of his life. He smiled to himself when he thought of Louis. He loved to be on tour because that meant a lot of time with Louis. Living with Louis for months. And his twenty first birthday was coming up which they were going to all celebrate in L.A. They had a week off before starting the tour in Australia. Harry and Louis had planned to spend that week together even thought he knew it would cause a little hassle with management but they needed that week just for themselves before they set off. Being together on tour was sure to cause stress. It always did! Management had rules, rules Louis and Harry did not like but which they had to abide to.

He knew that their relationship didn't come without hardships and problems. Having to hide it was the biggest and foremost problem but that was fine as long as they were together. They had learnt to be subtle in their affection towards each other while in public, though it was really hard to fool the fans. They saw through everything. They noticed everything. They encouraged them and supported them. Harry smiled and deep inside he was thankful for them because somehow they made it easy for him and Louis to just 'be'. The elevator dinged and the doors opened. Harry rushed out and saw Liam, Niall and Zayn in the lobby. He hurried over to them.

'Good morning,' he said grinning, 'sorry I'm late.'

'Good morning sleeping beauty,' Niall teased him. Harry playfully shoved him a little.

'It takes time to look this good,' he told Niall winking at him. Zayn scoffed.

'Yeah you're the only one who takes a rather long time to look pretty,' he told him. Harry looked at him smiling.

'Well not everyone has the luxury of waking up naturally beautiful like you Zayn,' he told him. He looked around. 'Where's Louis?' he asked going serious when he didn't see him.

'I'm here,' came Louis' soft voice from behind him. Harry turned and saw Louis approaching, looking stunning as always. He felt his heart swell and grow and the smile on his lips widened and stretched. That right there was his world! All of it enclosed in that one, small, gorgeous person. Louis stopped in front of him and handed him a paper cup.

'Tea. I knew you wouldn't have time to get one since you over slept, so I took the liberty of getting you one. I know you can't function without you tea and how grumpy you can get.' Harry looked at him with adoring eyes. Louis always made sure that he was okay. Louis always made sure that he had all he needed. Louis always took care of him.

'Thanks Lou,' Harry told him in a soft voice. He felt the sudden urge to wrap him in his arms and hug him till he was purple in the face but he knew he couldn't. Not in the hotel lobby. Not where anyone could see so he tried to be casual about it. Liam wrapped an arm around Louis' shoulder and pulled him closer.

'If it wasn't for you I don't know what Harry would do. He'd probably lose his shit,' Liam told him. Harry looked at them feeling envious. The gesture was purely all friendship yet it pained him that Liam, or Niall or Zayn could do that to Louis in public, yet he couldn't. He couldn't touch Louis in public and it made him sad. Louis noticed his sullen expression and he shrugged off Liam's arm not wanting to cause any discomfort to Harry. He knew exactly what it was like to see the other three touch Harry and hug him and mess around with him in public but he couldn't. He had to stay away. He had a list of things in his head, 'things that I can't' that he had to remember. He hated it. He hated that he had to be careful around Harry. Be careful where to stand, where to sit, where to put his damn hands, what to say, what not to say. Yet the others could just do about anything to his Harry. Heck, Liam had even pulled down Harry's jeans on stage once. But he couldn't. Modest would've bust a vein had he been the one to do that to Harry! He didn't notice Harry move closer to him until he felt his breath on the side of his face.

'Hey,' he told him quietly, 'are you okay?' He extended his hand to touch his shoulder, to comfort him because Harry had seen the way Louis' face had clouded over. But then he thought better of it as they were in the lobby and he put his hand down quickly. Louis looked up at him, his blue eyes shining and gave Harry a small smile.

'I'm fine babe,' he told him in a whisper. Harry kept looking at him always making sure he wasn't standing too close or that no part of him was in contact with any part of Louis.

'Are you sure love?' he told him in a low voice. Louis looked around them. Liam, Zayn and Niall were engaged in conversation and Paul had yet to arrive. Louis returned his eyes to Harry's.

'I just want to get you alone right now. I am so tempted to just fucking kiss you right here, right now and not give a fuck that we're in the middle of a hotel lobby. God, you are my fucking temptation,' he whispered to him as he bit down on his lower lip. Harry felt a hot rush starting at his toes slamming its way up to his head. He felt hot all over. He loved it when Louis talked to him like that and Louis knew that damn well. He swallowed and tightened his grip on the tea, his eyes still on Louis as if truly expecting him to kiss him right there and was steadying himself for it. Louis was still looking at him, his lusty gaze penetrating right to the core of him. Harry felt his cheeks flush.

'If only I could just get you alone for ten minutes,' Louis whispered again, his voice low and husky. Harry felt a trembling start somewhere deep inside him. He was so sure his body was going to betray him any minute now. Louis always did that to him. Just a word, a touch and he was a goner. Harry swallowed again against the damn lump in his throat.

'Okay guys all ready to go?' Paul suddenly called to them. Louis took his eyes off Harry and smiled at Paul.

'Oh hello you. Where are we off to first then?' he asked him casually walking towards him. Harry remained rooted to the spot looking at the empty space before him where Louis had just been seconds ago. Was he fucking serious? He gets all lusty and provocative, causing him horny feelings then he just walks off, switching of just like that? What the fuck?

'Harry, hey Harry,' he heard Niall calling him as if from a distance. Harry shook his head and turned towards Niall. 'Are you coming or are you just gonna stand there all spaced out?' Harry nodded and started following Niall, realizing that the others had already gone out and he had no idea what so ever where the fuck they were going or what plans they had for the day. All he knew was that Louis threw him every time he did that and the little shit just loved to do it to him in public. He had a way of doing it that nobody would notice what's going on except Harry. He had this sneaky way of seducing him in public without no one noticing anything except him and Harry.

Harry walked outside the hotel and was grateful for the cold London air that slammed into him and some what revived him. He saw the others already in the van and he made his way over. As he went to go in, Louis called from the back,

'I saved you a seat Harry,' he told him patting the seat beside him and winking at him, a cheeky grin on his face. Shit, Harry thought to himself and he got in and sat beside him, still clutching his tea. The door of the van closed automatically and Kevin, the driver, started up the van. He looked to Paul.

'Where to?' he asked him.

'Radio One station,' Paul informed him. Kevin nodded and turned the indicator on, indicating he was taking a left.

'Turn the radio on Kev,' Zayn told him. Kevin nodded and turned the radio on for them. Just then Ariana Grande's 'Love Me Harder' filled the van with her sweet voice. Kevin pulled the van out onto the busy road and off they went. Harry kept his eyes on his tea and as he was about to take a sip, he felt Louis' hand on the inside of his thigh. Harry stiffened.

'Lou,' he warned quietly. Louis smiled wickedly at him as he moved his fingers along the inside hem of his jeans, slowly and softly. Harry closed his eyes and held his breath. He pressed his lips together and hoped to God Louis would stop fucking around. Harry opened his eyes and threw him a glance and he found those blue eyes looking at him twinkling, that small smile playing on his lips and his damn fingers going up and down the inside of his thigh while Ariana Grande begged to be loved harder. He felt a tugging in his groin and a hot flush spread out on his cheeks.

'Lou please,' he said again, his voice barely audible. Louis squeezed his thigh and winked at him, making Harry jump, nearly spilling his tea. Louis leaned over and put his lips close to Harry's ear.

'I could just take you right here right now,' he whispered his hot breath on Harry's ear and neck. Harry shivered as he felt his warm breath on him. If he'd just turn his head a little he was pretty sure their lips would meet, instead he kept his gaze ahead hoping to God that Louis would stop this shit. It was hard when Louis was in this mood. Harry knew he'd probably do this to him all day until he got him alone later that night. Harry sighed as he felt Louis' hand inch up a little further up his thigh. 'Bet I could make you come in your pants just like this,' Louis whispered, inching his hand a little further up, dangerously close to Harry's dick. Harry grabbed his hand tightly.

'Stop,' he hissed at him under his breath with the little self control Louis had left him with. Louis smiled and winked at him again.

'Later,' he mouthed at him. He took his hand off Harry's thigh knowing exactly what he had done to him and relaxed in his seat as they drove through the wet cold London morning. Harry took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He took a sip of tea, which was almost cold now but his throat felt tight and dry. His heart was thump thumping rapidly against his ribs and he was breathing a little unevenly. But nobody had noticed anything. He sighed with relief. He honestly thought that if Louis moved his hand a little further up he would've squeaked and have all the other's attention on him. He took a few more deep breaths trying to calm his betraying body. He looked at Louis who was looking out the window, all calm and relaxed, with that fucking satisfied smirk on those perfect lips, humming to 'Uptown Funk' which had just came on the radio. Harry was now becoming aware of Liam, Niall and Zayn singing along to the song.

'I'm too hot, hot damn,' sang Liam

'Called a police and the fireman,' piped up Zayn and Niall.

'I'm too hot, hot damn,' went Liam again.

'Make a dragon wanna retire man,' Zayn and Niall sang. Harry smiled. He loved his boys to bits.

'I'm too hot , hot damn say my name you know who I am,' Liam added getting all worked up.

'I'm too hot, hot damn am I bad bout that money, break it down,' Zayn and Naill added. Then they all launched in the chorus of 'Girls hit your hallelujahs' amidst a lot of laughter.

After a few minutes, Kevin pulled up in front of a large building with a glass front and BBC stamped on it. The door opened and Liam, Zayn and Niall hopped out. Harry made to get out but stopped and gave Louis a look.

'What?' Louis asked him still smiling.

'Thanks for making my jeans so damn tight it hurts you wanker,' Harry grumbled. Louis burst out laughing.

'Well thank God you wore your shirt on the outside then,' he told him still giggling. Harry shook his head.

'Fuck you,' he told him playfully and got out of the van trying to adjust himself without drawing too much attention to himself. Louis got out and stood beside him still with that silly, self-satisfied smirk on his lips. Harry shook his head and smiled at himself. He loved him so much even though often he made him suffer like this but he had to be honest with himself, he loved it. Louis knew that even with a look he could work Harry up and that was because they were madly in love with each other and so attuned to each other. Harry smiled because he knew the fans called them mirrors. Really nothing escaped their fans. They were like an invisible conduit stuck to them. Harry knew that if they could fool the whole world into believing that they were straight and not in a relationship, they surely couldn't fool their fans.


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well since today I have a little free time.....here is Chapter 2.

'Right,' Paul said as they stepped inside the lobby of BBC Radio One Station. 'So the interview shouldn't last more than twenty minutes. You will be asked about the tour basically with very few personal questions. Management made sure that the questions are related to the tour and minimal personal questions. Stick to your usual answers when its regarding anything personal.' His eyes went from Louis to Harry. They just nodded. 'Once we're done here, we're going over to Modest for a meeting.'

'Modest?' Liam asked surprised. 'What for?' Paul shrugged.

'They didn't say. I was only informed to have you guys over there once we wrap this up. I'm guessing they want to run some more things by you regarding the tour. You know how they are with dotting all the i's and crossing all the t's. Now come on or you guys are gonna be late.' They walked across the lobby to the bank of elevators and Paul pressed the button.

'I need the bathroom,' Harry said. Louis burst out laughing, placing a hand over his mouth to mute his laughing. The others looked at them rather oddly.

'Really Harry?' Niall said. 'Honestly man sometimes you're like a kid. Kids always need to use the bathroom wherever they go.' Zayn chuckled. Harry scowled at Niall.

'Well excuse me if this idiot here got me a large tea and it happens to be cold outside so yeah.'

'Yeah right,' Louis mumbled under his breath still chuckling, 'blame it on the tea why don't you.' Harry shot him a look.

'Will you just shut up,' Harry hissed him while Louis continued to giggle like an idiot. Niall looked at Louis, narrowing his eyes at him.

'What did you do to him you mischievous creature?'

'Me?' Louis asked innocently, his voice going up a notch. 'I didn't do anything to this big goof here.' Harry rolled his eyes. The elevator doors opened and they all filed in. It was a bit crowded. Harry and Louis were at the back but Harry made sure to stay out of reach of Louis knowing he was in his mood to torment him. Louis looked at him, that smile still plastered on his face, winked at him and bit his bottom lip slowly. Harry regretted looking at him. He took a in deep breath, feeling all hot and bothered. The elevator dinged, opened on the fourth floor and they got off.

'I'll be right back,' Harry told them as he hurried off in search of a bathroom.

'Need a hand?' Louis called out after him bursting out laughing again. Harry ignored him and walked away.

'You're such a shit,' Zayn told him. Louis giggled.

'He always falls for it,' he said in between giggles. 'I'll go check on him.' He walked off the way Harry had gone still laughing. He found the Men's just round the corner and pushed the door open.

'Harry,' he called softly. He walked in and found him standing by the sinks, both his arms resting on the edge of the cold ceramic, his head hanging down, his hair covering his face. Louis smiled.

'Are you okay love?' he asked him laughter still in his voice. Harry looked up at him. He looked really flushed and flustered! 'Aww baby has red cheeks.' Louis told him, pouting.

'Its not funny you know,' he told him, his deep voice reverberating in the small bathroom. Louis walked towards him and gently rubbed his back up and down soothingly.

'I still have to pay you back for that boner you gave me on stage with your seductive whispering remember? The fans wouldn't let me live it down, always sporting pictures of my boner and asking what you said to me that got me all hard,' he told him, still smiling. Harry stood up to his full length, standing taller than Louis and looked down on him.

'That's been ages ago. You can't keep doing this to me as payback Lou,' he told him quietly. 'Its...its very uncomfortable.' Louis looked up into his green eyes and tucked Harry's locks behind his ear batting his eyelashes at him. He knew Harry loved his eyelashes.

'I'm sorry love, I promise I'll be good...' but Harry didn't give him time to finish. He pushed him up against the wall, pressed his knee between his legs and crushed his lips to his, a low growl escaping his mouth. He pinned Louis to the bathroom wall pressing his hips into his, his knee digging into Louis' crotch and kissed him deeply. Louis struggled against him, pushing at Harry's chest and when he finally managed to push him off of him he looked at Harry with wide eyes.

'What's gotten into you? We're in a public restroom H for the love of God! What if someone walked in?' he asked him in disbelief. Harry laughed.

'Oh so now we're in a public restroom? What about a public lobby hmm? Doesn't that count?' Harry asked him as he softly removed Louis' fringe out of his eyes. Louis rested his hands on his waist and looked up at him lovingly. Harry stroked his cheek, loving the feel of his stubble under his fingers.

'I'm sorry. I will behave,' he told him. 'I promise.' Harry smiled at him and pecked his lips tenderly.

'You better or I don't know what I might do and I won't give a fuck who's watching or not. Now let's go before they start wondering what we're up to.'

'After you,' Louis told him. Harry walked before him but just as he passed by, Louis was quick to grab his ass and squeeze making Harry jump. Harry turned giving him a stunned look.

'You cheeky little shit. You promised.' Louis laughed loudly.

'I just had to. You always fall for it though. But yeah I'll be good H trust me.' They walked out of the bathroom and down the corridor still laughing.

'About time,' Niall told them, a grin on his face. 'You two make me sick.' Paul shook his head at them.

'Get in that studio will you maybe we can get this done. Louis you know where you have to sit yeah?' Louis' face went serious, no hint of the playful Louis.

'Yeah Paul. I know where I have to sit. Anywhere as long as its not next to Harry right? I know.' Harry saw the change in Louis' face as they walked towards the large double glass doors at the end of the corridor. He let Paul and the others go ahead then caught up with Louis.

'Hey, don't worry bout it. They can make you not sit next to me but my heart will always sit with you Lou. Don't let it get to you. Its just a seat.' Harry smiled at him and for a minute Louis was lost in those shining green eyes. He loved his dimpled boy so much. Harry quickly looked around them and when he saw that no one was near, he squeezed Louis' hand before they walked into the studio.

Half an hour later they were shaking hands with the Radio One show host Nick and the people involved with the show. They all said their thank yous and good lucks and well wishes and slowly they made their way down the corridor again toward the elevator. Harry and Louis walked side by side behind everyone else.

'You okay?' Harry asked Louis when he saw the serious look still on his face.

'Yeah,' Louis told him staring straight ahead, hands tucked into his jeans pockets but Harry knew that Louis was never okay when they made him do things he didn't want to. Harry looked at his profile. He was very serious. He loved the playful Louis, the Louis that loved to seduce him in public and the Louis behind closed doors, the one he only knew. The Louis that let all his walls down and his true self to come through. But this Louis worried him. He hated to see him unhappy or sad.

'Hey,' Harry told him, 'are you still upset about what Paul said?' Louis looked at him and smiled a little.

'Nah Haz I'm good don't worry babe. You know how this shit gets to me. Modest is really getting on my fucking nerves with this bullshit.' Harry looked down feeling what Louis was saying.

'Don't let them get you down Lou. We're together yeah, no matter what they say. They will never tear us apart.' Louis nodded.

'Yeah but it gets to me. Sometimes the pressure they put, its too much.' Harry stopped and Louis stopped with him.

'Remember what we promised each other Lou. We fight. We hold on and we fight and we never give up no matter what. Remember?' Harry asked him, feeling as if Louis had somehow forgotten the promise they had made when they had been thrust into a closet by their management. Louis smiled at him, his eye crinkling smile.

'How can I forget babe?' Louis winked at him and Harry smiled broadly at him. Sometimes he worried that Louis might just give up, that Modest would eventually get to him and he's just give up the fight. But then he gives him that smile, that reassurance and it all falls back into place. Their relationship was solid. Their love unbreakable.

'Hey guys move it,' Paul called from the elevator. Louis and Harry hurried up and got into the elevator with the others.

'Let's see what's up Modest's ass today,' Zayn said looking bored. The elevator dinged and the doors opened out on to the lobby. They all followed Paul out into the van. Again Louis and Harry sat in the back. This time Louis kept his hands in his lap and looked out the window. Harry reached over and took his hand gently, lacing their fingers together and just held it. Louis looked at him and smiled gently squeezing his fingers. The drive on the way to Modest was a silent one. They never liked it when they had a meeting with Modest especially Harry and Louis. They always came up with something, some new idea or contract or some set of new rules. Louis felt anxious and he didn't want Harry to know. Harry worried a lot and Louis knew that if he'd see that he was anxious, Harry would go off on a worry spree. It's what Harry did. Worried and blamed himself for everything.

It's been almost five years, next February 22nd that all this had started, this relationship with this beautiful soul that sat next to him holding his hand. It had all been so perfect and beautiful until Modest fucking stepped in and turned it into a sin. Then it became 'don't do this' and 'don't do that' and 'you can't to this' and 'you can't do that.' It put a lot of stress on them especially on Louis but he tried not to let Harry in on it. Harry needed a lot of reassurance, that everything will be okay, that everything will work out and Louis was never going to deny him that reassurance. He would die before he let Modest tear them apart. There were times when Louis had to admit that they got to him and he'd lose it and get mad and curse like a sailor but he knew deep down that he couldn't go up against Modest. What they said, had to go. He felt Harry squeeze his fingers.

'We're here,' he told him, his eyes fixed on him. Louis smiled at him and nodded. He hated faking and sometimes he felt all his life was just one big fake. Fake smiles, fake nods and fake girlfriend that Modest had slapped on him stuck him with like a leech, which out off all the fakes he had to fake, this was the worst. He really had to push himself hard to fake being the boyfriend of Eleanor Calder. He hated holding her hand or kissing her in public. He hated that this hurt Harry. Whenever he had to be seen with her, Harry would end up a mess which Louis had to clean up and fix. He had explained to Harry that Eleanor was just a front for them, that they were safe away from the public eye, that it was just him, him and only him. That he had to do this and he hated it but he had to. The only truth in his life was Harry. Harry was real. Harry kept him grounded. And he was his anchor in rough seas and his light in the dark and all his wildest dreams come true. So for his love's peace of mind, he will fake till it made him bleed. He will fake being alright. For Harry.

'Let's go then,' Louis told him, playfully pushing at him to get out of the van. Harry laughed and got out, standing next to the others till Louis was out too and together they went inside the building. Paul went to reception to announced their arrival. He came back and asked them to follow him to the elevators. They got in and Paul pressed the button for the 6th floor. They were silent as they rode up. None of them liked these type of meetings.


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for the reads and kind words. Also love your enthusiasm regarding my work. I'm so grateful. Here's chapter 3.

The elevator dinged and the doors opened onto another reception area. The woman behind the desk approached them and informed them that they were to wait in the small board room at the end of the hall. Paul thanked her and they all made their way into the room. The boys were all silent and not in the mood for jokes. Nothing good ever came out of meetings with their management! Paul pushed open a door and allowed them all in before him. Small board room was an understatement. It was in fact a big room with one wall all glass over looking cloudy London. Down the middle of the room was a long table that easily seated thirty people, with black executive chairs all around. The room was empty so everyone took as seat as far away from the head of the table, where the Modest person would probably sit, as they could. They felt uncomfortable and out of place in here.

Harry sat and Louis flopped down in the chair beside him. Paul gave him a warning look.

'Louis that's not a good idea,' he told him. Louis shrugged.

'I don't give a shit. Make them make me.' Harry looked from Paul to Louis. He knew Louis had gone into another kind of mood. His dark mood. The one where he got all pissed off at Modest, sulked and cursed a whole lot. Harry looked at Paul.

'I'll sit on another chair no problem,' Harry told him as he made to get up but Louis gave him a hard look.

'Sit down,' he told him quietly yet his voice was hard.

'Lou,' Harry began.

'I said...sit down,' Louis told him again. Harry sat back down beside him. Paul huffed.

'Why do you always have to be so difficult Lou?' he asked him. Louis shrugged again.

'Why do they always have to be dicks?' he asked back.

'Lou,' Liam said quietly, 'you know how it is.'

'Louis' right,' Zayn said. 'This is all a load of shit. They brought us here to pile on more of their shit on us. Its getting ridiculous man.'

'Zayn mate it is what it is,' Niall said.

'Stop quoting my tattoo,' Louis snapped but Niall giggled.

'Niall don't,' Harry told him quietly knowing only too well that Louis was not in the mood for joking around. But Niall being Niall reached over and hugged Harry, ruffling his hair.

'Anything for you Harold,' he told him laughing as he placed a kiss on top of his head. Louis gave him a hard look, his blue eyes like ice.

'Do you fucking mind?' he asked him in a sharp tone. Harry shrugged out of Niall's embrace and threw him an apologetical look. He just sat quiet. He knew how Louis got sometimes. He knew he tried so much to go up against them for their relationship but Harry also knew that he would never win. Yet he felt so proud of him for always wanting to try no matter how many times he failed. He just didn't like that Modest always brought out the worst in Louis.

The door opened and two men in expensive suits and a woman walked in. They sat beside each other at the head of the table.

'Good morning and thank you for coming in. I'm Stuart. This is Albert and this is Gabby. We have a few things to run by you regarding the upcoming tour and other matters.' The guys looked back at them, waiting. Harry put his elbows on the table, resting his hands on the highly polished surface of the table. Immediately Louis put his hands next to his, his fingers lightly touching Harry's own. Harry felt his heart stop. What was Louis trying to do? Liam, Zayn and Niall looked at him also as did Paul. Louis just looked placidly ahead at them, a challenging look on his face. Stuart's eyes zeroed in at the contact and he smirked lightly.

'You are on the verge of embarking on a world tour. We at Modest as your management will ensure that everything will run smoothly and according to plans.' He stopped and looked directly at Louis and Harry. 'That right there has got to stop.' Louis met Stuart's pale grey eyes.

'That is what exactly?' Louis asked him. Harry beside him stiffened and the others shifted in their seats uncomfortably except Zayn who just sat there looking bored and smiling at Louis because Louis had the balls to go up against the,.

'Mr Tomlinson you know perfectly well what THAT is because we have discussed this matter many times before that any personal interaction between you and Mr Styles is strictly prohibited.'

'You can't...' Louis began but Stuart put his hand up stopping Louis mid-sentence.

'Mr Tomlinson if you please let me continue. We at Modest have agreed that Miss Calder will accompany you on this tour to...'

'What?' Louis almost shrieked, sitting up straight in his chair.

'To ensure that any rumors about you and Mr Styles are put to rest. Miss Calder is your girlfriend and that's what girlfriends do, be with their boyfriends on tour. Like Miss Sophia Smith will be on tour with Mr. Payne. Miss Calder actually sounded quite excited and happy to be seeing you again and spending time with you,' Stuart continued, totally ignoring Louis' question. Louis rolled his eyes.

'Is this really necessary?' he asked. He chanced a look at Harry and when he saw the pained look on his face, his jaw stood out because he was grinding his teeth together and how his hands had closed into tight fists on the table, it took all that he had not to start yelling at the prick at the head of the table and banging his fists on the table telling him exactly what he thought of them and how, no he did not want “his girlfriend” on tour with him but he couldn't do that! Instead he glared at Stuart with hate.

'I believe it is Mr Tomlinson. We at Modest have been made aware of all the rumors and “fandom craze” that is going on regarding you and Mr Styles that should be dealt with immediately and put to rest as soon as possible once and for all. As for you Mr Styles, upon your arrival in Los Angeles, you will be meeting with Miss Nadine Leopold who will be your new female friend for this tour.' Harry's eyes widened when he heard this. He was not expecting it.

'What?' he asked clearly taken by surprise. 'I...but I...'

'You can't fucking do this,' Louis hissed angrily, leaning forward in his chair. 'We fucking had an agreement that I will do the bearding. Keep Harry out of it!' Zayn put a hand on his arm to calm him. Zayn knew well enough how Modest did things. He had his fair share of dealings with them.

'Mr Tomlinson please watch your tone. Our job here is to ensure that you will all do what is necessary for the success of this band, management, record label and all parties involved in your career. All of you have responsibilities and an image to uphold especially you two. We at Modest can't have you acting like...'

'Like what?' Louis spat at him. He could feel his nerves fraying at the edges. These people always brought out the worst in him. Harry was getting a girlfriend? No that was not right. They had agreed that he would have the fake girlfriend and leave Harry out of it! He won't accept that. Harry couldn't have a girlfriend not even a fake one. He wouldn't stand it! Harry was his and his only. What the fuck where they even on about? And Nadine Leopold? Louis knew who she was and she wasn't even right for Harry! Why did they always find these types of girls for him? They didn't even know him!

Stuart looked at Gabby and she took a deep breath when she realized that Stuart wanted her to talk. 'Mr. Tomlinson, what Stuart is saying is that you and Mr. Styles have been for a while now giving out ideas to your fans that you might be in a relationship with each other...'

'Because we fucking are! We have been for five fucking years and all you do is just make us hide it and deny it. You ignore it but it's true. All of it is true! We are together!' Louis was getting angrier by the second. Harry looked at him. Louis' face looked flushed, his jaw set. Eleanor was coming on tour? To be with Louis? Again? No that was not right! He had to endure Eleanor before and that was something he didn't want to experience again, watching Louis be with her even though it was all fake. Not to mention how Louis always goes in a dark mood when she's around. And he himself had a girlfriend now? That was even worse. Harry knew he wasn't good with girls. Didn't they remember the fiasco when they hooked him up with Taylor? And all the arguments with Louis that had followed and how much pain that had caused Louis? No this was not right.

Gabby sighed. 'That goes against Modest regulations. You cannot be together. You signed contracts.....'

'That's just a load of bull crap,' Zayn interrupted her. 'Are you fucking serious?'

'We are very serious Mr Malik,' Gabby said. 'We have been noticing what's been going on. Mr. Styles and Mr. Tomlinson haven't really been very secretive about their relationship. You have been warned several times about this but we will not let anything get in the way of this tour. Too much and too many are invested in it.'

'This has got to stop.' Stuart said with a tone of finality. 'This band has an image to uphold and you have a contract that says you have to respect that image. It is what makes you who you are. It is what makes you One Direction. We can't have you two being 'Larry' as so kindly the fans have labeled you. We have people who check and control Twitter and there is a lot going on about you and your “relationship.” The fans have blown it out of proportion and our job is to cut loose those rumors. We cannot have signs at concerts supporting 'Larry.' The rumor mill has to be shut down and buried. And all of you will help to do that.'

'For the love of God, it's not rumors,' Louis said angrily. 'When are you going to get it? Harry and I love each other. We are together and the fans are okay with it. Why is it not okay with you?' Louis spat at him, his blue eyes shining with suppressed anger. Harry wanted to reach out to him and hold him and calm him down and bring him back from the darkness he was on the verge of entering but he couldn't! Louis shouldn't be fighting them. He should know that they will be together no matter what these fuckers said. Didn't Louis know that? Why did he have to go up against them? He had nothing to prove to no one.

Stuart looked straight at Louis. 'Your affection for each other does not make you a couple. Keep in mind that you are not a couple. You will stop feeding your fans' imagination with stolen looks and secret touching. We can't have that anymore. As of now, Mr. Tomlinson, you will be seen everywhere in public with Miss Calder and Mr Styles with Miss Leopold. I am sure you will find her very interesting. You will both keep your distance from each other when in public, at interviews and on stage. You will behave as requested of you. You have a job to do. A commitment. To Modest, to Syco, to yourselves, your band mates and to the millions of fans who put you were you are and keep you there.'

'The fans won't mind...' Harry began feeling the need to say something so Louis would know he's with him on all this. Stuart looked at Harry.

'If what Mr. Styles? If suddenly you and Mr. Tomlinson decided to announce to the world that you are indeed in a gay relationship? Can you honestly see that happening without any repercussions?' Harry looked down.

'Well,' Niall said, 'there is a whole lot of Larry shipping going on. I mean Twitter is like bursting with Larry feels. Heck I'm even learning the language the fans use. I mean there's a whole fandom out there supporting these two. I honestly think they want them to come out. They are really fighting for them to come out so what;s the harm in that?'

'Mr. Horan that will never happen,' Stuart said calmly. Niall saw Louis' hands ball up into fists. 'As members of this band you should all see that this band's image is kept clean not encourage and support this behavior. There are a lot of people who have put a lot of investment into you. Your job is to keep it clean and deliver.'

'Jesus,' Liam said, 'its their personal life you are talking about here.'

'Mr Payne, I am afraid your personal lives are hardly personal anymore. You all gave that up when you became One Direction. You belong to the public now. All you do is for the public. You show the world what you are told to show. The rest stays in the closet. Luckily Albert here can fix some of the damage Mr. Styles and Mr. Tomlinson have done hoping there was nothing permanent done to your careers.' Niall laughed sarcastically.

'The fans are not stupid. You know they will never let this go right? Our fans are a clever little bunch. They are Sherlock Holmes, James Bond and the FBI rolled into one. They see through everything and they are going to notice. Heck they notice our moods, they know what we're feeling just from a word we say or a look we give so I'm sure they will notice pretty much all the shit you throw at them.'

'Yeah man,' Zayn agreed. 'You insult their intelligence. They support us no matter what.' Stuart looked at them, his demeanor calm and collected, so sure of himself.

'The fans will buy what we sell them. If Mr. Tomlinson is seen with Miss Calder and Mr. Styles will be seen with Miss Leopold, the rumors will fall through.' Niall burst out laughing.

'Like they bought it so far? They know Eleanor is the cover up. They know its fake. Jesus man I'm telling ya nothing escapes them.' Stuart took in a deep breath.

'This will work and you will all see to it that it does. As for you Mr. Malik, I do hope that we will have no recurring problems that have to do with any kind of illegal substances, excess in take of alcohol or any kind of “partying” with fans. We do not want any more negative publicity on your behalf.' Zayn looked at Stuart.

'Are you fucking kidding me? It was only a joint man!'

'Precisely. Weed smoking is illegal especially in Asian countries which you will be visiting. I would like to remind you also of the “cheating” allegations we've had to clean up after you last time. Miss Perrie Edwards will not be put in the spotlight of any negative media attention once again. Her people will make sure of that and we were kindly informed by them that we make sure you will behave yourself and stay in line.' Zayn stood up, pushing his chair back.

'I did not fucking cheat on Perrie okay. Not once! That was all a load of bullshit.'

'Mr. Malik please sit down. We just want to make sure that everything runs smoothly and that we all understand each other.'

'What's there to understand? We have to do all you say. We have no say in anything! It's like being in a fucking prison.' Zayn said angrily.

'Mr. Malik we as management are here to provide stability for your careers. You are world famous. You are young and not wise enough for this business therefore we have to guide you the best way possible and one of those ways is to ensure that you give out a good image. Please keep in mind that some of your fans are under the age of eighteen and children.'

'Can we maybe keep in mind that we are human too?' Zayn asked, sitting heavily in the chair again looking sad and nervous. Stuart smiled at him.

'Of course Mr. Malik.' He then turned his attention to Paul. 'Paul, we put security with One Direction for a reason. Their safety is our first priority. The second is that there will be no “scandal” regarding Mr. Styles and Mr. Tomlinson or any other member of One Direction. You and your team were informed of that before, and we at Modest expected better results from you and your team. You will make sure that everything runs smoothly on this tour okay. There will be no excess abuse of alcohol, late night parties or any intimate interactions with fans besides the ones approved by us. Please keep in mind that some fans are under the age of 18. We do not need any type of scandals revolving around One Direction.' Paul nodded. Louis and Harry remained silent as did the rest of the lads as the representatives continued to talk about the tour, promotions, venues, can do's and can't dos. Finally all three of them stood up.

'Well,' Stuart told them, 'good luck. You have a long road ahead of you but one that will be truly successful. Anything you might need or have difficulties with, please do not hesitate to contact anyone of us. You can pick up our cards from reception.' With that they filed out of the room. It was silent for a while, not one of them knowing what to say.

'That was intense,' Niall finally said, exhaling a long breath.

'Guys,' Liam said looking at Harry and Louis, 'we tried. You know we tried right?'

'We know,' Louis said, his voice low. 'Thank you.' Harry reached out to take Louis' hand but Louis pulled it away, putting it on his lap under the table. Harry looked at him surprised and a little hurt.

'Lou,' he said softly. Louis looked down at his hands. 'Nothing has to change. We'll just be more careful you know that right?'

'I'm not able to do this Haz. Pretend and fake and being careful of what to do around you. I don't want that. I'll slip at some point. It will show. I can't hide that much. Not to mention being with her in public again. I don't like being seen out in public with her.' Louis pushed the chair back suddenly, got up and left the room, leaving the others staring behind him. Paul got up.

'Stay here,' he told the others as he went out after Louis.

'Fuck,' Harry whispered, looking away from everyone.

'Hey,' Liam told him, 'we know this is a difficult situation...'

'Don't,' Harry cut him off still avoiding eye contact with any of them. Zayn put a hand on his shoulder.

'Harry we are on your and Louis' side man. You guys know we have no problem with you two being together.' Harry looked at Zayn.

'According to them the whole world has a problem with us.'

'They are all about the business,' Liam told him. 'Only a small portion of the world has a problem Harry. He was wrong about us not having a personal life. We do have a personal life. Its true what he said about too many people being invested in us though and in a way we are a business, but we are also humans. Don't let them get to you Haz. We'll back you guys up and help you in anyway we can.' Harry looked at Liam with tears in his eyes.

'Louis can't handle this. He won't handle this. I'm afraid...'

'Haz,' Niall cut him off, 'Louis loves you you hear? Yes he is a moody bastard and can go off to some dark places at times like this but you are his world. You are his light when he's lost and you always always bring him back. Nothing can shake him. Okay?' Harry looked away and shook his head.

'One day he's going to be too lost to see my light,' he told them, his voice breaking. 'One day he won't come back to me.' Zayn squeezed his shoulder.

'Look H, we know its hard. We've seen you and Louis grow close from day one. It was fucking love at first sight with you two and I can understand how happy you were about it with all that shit you pulled, you saying he was your first crush and sporting that ridiculous Harry Loves Louis t-shirt. You kinda put it out there and yeah our fans are not stupid. They caught it. They kinda know yet they don't know. They suspect. The fans love your love story and sometimes you and Louis fuel it. And maybe that's a good thing because you know they support you. Be together but try it on the down low yeah? By no means I'm saying that these assholes are right but unfortunately man its this cruel world we live in and the situation we are in and those fucking contracts we signed.' Harry looked up at Zayn with tears in his eyes.

'Its becoming so difficult, the pretending, the hiding. And now she is coming along and I have a girlfriend? How am I supposed to manage that? Don't they know how awkward I am with girls?' The lads burst out laughing. Niall clapped him on the back.

'Don't worry mate she'll probably dump your ass before the second date,' Niall told him.

'She's just another cover up Harry,' Liam told him. 'All you have to do is just hold her hand and be seen with her in public. Let them take some pictures of the two of you that's all. That's not such a difficult thing to do is it now?' Harry looked at him helplessly.

'For me it is cause only Louis' hand fits in mine....'

'Like its made just for me but bear this in mind it was meant to be...' Niall and Zayn sang. Harry laughed.

'There you go,' Liam told him patting his back. 'Never let no one dull your shine Harry. Love will always win.' Harry nodded, still smiling wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

'Thanks guys,' he told them just as Paul opened the door and poked his head in.

'Time to go. Louis is in the van. C'mon let's move.' They filed out of the room and down to the lobby and out into the waiting van in silence. Harry saw Louis sitting in the back and took the seat next to him. Harry looked at him but Louis was looking out the window. The van pulled out on to the busy road.

'Lou, are you alright?' Harry asked him softly.

'I'm fine,' Louis almost snapped at him, not turning his face to look at Harry. Harry scooted closer and gently touched his hand but Louis pulled it away.

'Not now Haz okay. Just...I need to be alone.' Harry felt as if he had been slapped. He didn't know why he he took everything so personal when Louis went into this kind of mood. Harry knew Louis was moody. He could go from one mood to another in the blink of an eye yet it still hurt him when he pushed him away. Harry knew that Modest upset him. That these rules made him mad. But Louis had to know that they were in this together. Harry scooted to back his side again and kept his hands in his lap and looked out the window. How could he make it better for Louis? Sometimes Louis confused him. Harry had no doubt in his mind that Louis loved him yet when these things happened he pushed him away, like he wasn't the other half of this relationship. Like he didn't suffer with him for their relationship!

Harry sighed. They both knew that their relationship would be difficult and the more famous they became, the more management forced them to hide. Harry sometimes joked with Louis about coming out but that was another thing that Louis confused Harry about. He hated that management made them hide yet he told him several times that there was no coming out for him. Their families knew that they were together and were happy about it, the fans “highly suspected” but there was still no confirmation to the world that they were indeed together. Harry dreamed many times that Louis would finally accept to come out, only after having defeated Modest which was like impossible to do but Harry loved to dream. His mum always told him from a young age that he was a dreamer. He loved to dream about being free to love Louis, he dreamed about marrying him and having kids with him. Harry desperately wanted a family with Louis but that seemed rather impossible to do and sometimes it made him sad. But loving Louis even in secret and hidden from the world was better than a life without him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys many thanks for the reads and for recommending my work. Feeling grateful. Here's chapter 4 for ya.

The van stopped and Harry realized that they had arrived back at the hotel. He had been so lost in thought that he hadn't noticed the drive back. He could sense that the mood among them had dwindled and everyone was a little bit more quiet than when they had left in the morning. One by one they got out and no sooner Louis was out, he left and hurried inside without saying a word to anyone. Harry went to follow him but Paul stopped him.

'Harry, we have things to discuss about your trip to L.A tomorrow.' Harry looked at him with begging eyes.

'Can't this wait Paul? I really need to talk to Louis. He...he's...'

'He's got his sass on,' Zayn said chuckling sarcastically.

'And we all know when Louis gets sassy...' Niall joked trying to lighten the mood. They all could feel that things had taken a wrong turn. They knew well enough that Louis didn't like being with Eleanor and he hated that Harry had to have a beard! Harry looked from one to the other.

'Guys,' Liam told them, 'please.' He motioned to Harry who was looking worried and a little upset. Paul pulled him aside.

'Louis is a big boy Harry. He can take care of himself. Besides, you know what management said about keeping an eye on you two...' Paul trailed off hoping Harry will get the meaning without him having to explain further. He hated to do this to them but Modest left him no choice. They were like his own kids and he knew that Louis and Harry had been joined at the hip since day one. He had watched them slowly fall in love and now he had to stand in the way of them being together all because their management wanted to keep them closeted for better business! Harry kept staring at him with his big green eyes, silently begging him to let him go to Louis. Zayn placed his hand on Paul's shoulder.

'You're not seriously thinking...c'mon Paul,' Zayn told him. Harry kept his eyes on Paul. Paul sighed heavily, not really wanting to keep them apart but also knowing he had to.

'Harry, if they find out I'm letting you two...I'm head of security. I run your security. I have to report to management and if I let you and Louis...' Niall, Liam and Zayn stood behind Harry.

'Paul,' Liam said reasonably, 'its already hard for them as it is. They really need a break yeah. We and you are family and family protect their own.' Liam turned to look at Harry.

'Go see to Louis Haz. He's not okay and he needs you.' Harry looked from Liam to Paul and back to Liam as if waiting for permission. Paul sighed again.

'Go,' he told him and Harry was off. He ran to the elevators and stabbed at the button repeatedly until the elevator doors opened and he got in, again attacking the button to their floor. The ride up to the 10th floor seemed endless. Once the elevator opened, Harry was running towards his suite. He slid his key card in the slot and opened the door to his suite, entering his living room. He went into his bedroom and to a door at the back of the room. His and Louis' suites were connected. They always tried to get these kind of suites. It made things easier for them to move around without getting noticed. He pushed the door open slowly, knocking quietly as he did.

'Louis?' he called softly. He walked into Louis' bedroom and saw him sitting in the armchair facing the balcony over looking the city of London, with its noisy traffic and pedestrian rush ten floors below but up here it was quiet. Up here it was just them. His legs were outstretched in front of him, his elbows on the arms of the chair and his fingers entwined on his stomach. He didn't move. Harry wasn't sure if he'd heard him or not.

'Louis hey,' he said again, a little more louder as he closed the door to his bedroom behind him. Louis just kept on staring out the balcony doors. Harry walked gingerly across the room and stood beside him, looking down on him. Louis said nothing. He just kept his vacant eyes looking out the balcony doors, staring at nothing in particular. There were only other buildings across the road. Nothing spectacular. Harry squatted down beside him and looked up into his face. He looked sullen and sad and angry.

'Lou,' he said again, 'please talk to me. Don't shut me out.' Louis inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly then turned slowly his gaze and looked at Harry.

'I'm not shutting you out,' he told him dryly.

'Yes you are. You always do that. When something like this happens you just close up in yourself and shut me out like nothing of this effects me. It effects me too Lou.' Louis kept his eyes on him. He didn't say anything for a few seconds. Then:

'So you have a girlfriend now?' he asked him icily. For a moment Harry didn't understand what he meant then he looked at him and furrowed his brows in confusion.

'Seriously?' he asked him in disbelief. This is why he hated beards and this was why Louis had told them to give him a beard but not Harry.

'Nadine is it?' Louis said, his voice low and calm. Harry knew Louis was jealous but this was ridiculous. He got up and ran a hand through his hair. How was he even going there?

'Are you fucking kidding me?' he asked Louis. Louis remained seated only his eyes now shifted up to look at Harry, an icy blue that reached deep inside Harry's soul and squeezed at his heart.

'Do I look like I'm fucking kidding?' he asked. Harry chuckled.

'Louis seriously? He asked him utterly baffled. 'I mean...seriously?'

'Yes seriously,' Louis replied. 'You never said a damn word in there Harry. Is this what you call fighting for us?' Harry could not believe what he was hearing.

'What did you want me to say Lou?' he asked him. 'You heard what...' Louis got up suddenly and went to the small bar in the corner of his living room and poured himself a Jameson's and downed it.

'I heard what they said Harry. I'm not fucking deaf. I heard every single fucking word they said and I tried. God I tried. For you, for me. For fucking us but you just sat there and said nothing. Everyone tried but you Harry.' Louis poured himself another drink and walked over to his chair again and sat down, his elbows on his knees. Harry looked at him in disbelief. He didn't like this. That Louis was mad at him for no reason, that he was finding reasons to vent his anger out on him. And he didn't like the fact that he was already drinking this early in the afternoon.

'Jesus Lou, this is unbelievable. Do you really think...?'

'Does it matter what I fucking think?' he growled, his voice rising. 'Apparently what I think isn't worth shit. It's not like you helped me get the point across that you and I are actually together. No, you just seemed content to have a new girlfriend,' he spat. Harry ran both his hands through his hair.

'I have a beard Louis not a girlfriend but if you want to talk girlfriends lets because Eleanor is more your girlfriend than any beard I've ever had,' Harry pointed out. Louis laughed.

'Eleanor isn't my fucking girlfriend Harry. She's just...there to do her job.'

'So is this...this...Nadine girl Louis. She's part of the job. Why are you even getting so upset about it?' Louis laughed again.

'She isn't a job Harry. You don't even know who she is do you?' Harry looked at him innocently. To him she was just someone management had picked out for him to be seen in public with. Louis shook his head and laughed.

'When they said her name I thought she sounded familiar but I wasn't sure. When I left the room and waited in the van, I researched her on my phone. Nadine Leopold is a Victoria Secrets model Harry. She is definitely not a fucking job. They expect you to be with her!' Louis spat out the words at Harry and downed his drink. Harry stared at him in disbelief.

'That doesn't make her my girlfriend Louis,' he said, his deep voice rising too. He was feeling panicked. This was going to turn out into a yelling match like it always did when Louis got like this. He didn't like where Louis was going with this. What was he thinking? Louis chuckled.

'Don't you get it? Modest cannot manipulate this one Harry. They cannot make her sign a fucking contract and agree on a pay cheque like they do with El. She's got her people and they won't let our management screw with her. They are trying to kindle things between you and her hoping it will stick. This is Taylor 2.0! God how fucking thick are you? I swear sometimes you're just like a fucking kid.' Harry felt confused and hurt by Louis' words. What was he saying? Harry ran both hands through his hair and turned to look out of the balcony doors to the grey sky above. It had started to rain. It always rained in London. He suddenly felt tired and depressed. Exhausted even. Louis' mood swings were getting too much for him to handle. Heck, he didn't have mood swings, he had a whole fucking playground of them. And now he was blaming him for everything that went wrong in that damn meeting this morning. How was that even possible?

'Lou,' he told him quietly, reigning in his temper, 'I know this might upset you that I have to spend time with this Nadine person. I know what its like okay. I've done it with Taylor and though she thought things between us were serious, on my behalf it never was. It was just you all the fucking time. Just you. I know how hard this is for you but for four years I've had to watch you be with El. It hurt me to see you hold her hand or kiss her even though I knew it was just for show. But it hurt nonetheless. And now I have to sit in the sidelines and watch it all over again, so I understand that this is upsetting to you just as it is upsetting to me...'

'You don't know shit,' Louis hissed at him.

'What the fuck Lou? I don't know shit? I'm the one with you in all of this. I'm living this with you. I don't know why you are taking it out on me and making a big deal out of it. She's just another girl, one of the many I've had to put up with. They have to keep up my fucking womanized image right? Slap another model on me! At least you only had El. For better of worse you two are friends so its not even that difficult to be seen out with your friend. I get them different all the time and all celebrities which you look like you have forgotten. Have I been any different when it was Kendall? Or when it was Taylor? Have I been any different with you through those rumors of how many women I have slept with? Did anything change then Lou? Did anything come out of those relationships? Did I change towards you in any way? If I did please tell me cause I really don't know why you're taking it out on me. We're supposed to be on each other's side not fighting each other.' Louis remained silent looking down at his shoes. Harry walked over to him and squatted down in front of him, placed both of his hands on his thighs and looked up into his face. Louis met his gaze.

'Nothing came out of those relationships Lou cause I didn't want them to. They are of no interest to me. I don't care about the rumors. Let them make me out to be a womanizer. It hurts me yes but there's only one I want and that's you. When are you going to trust me a little? Why do you always have to doubt me and fight me and get jealous? They will keep on putting me with these kind of girls to give it more publicity, to make everyone think that I am dating females. That I am straight and feed into the het narrative they have set out for me. But its never going to work Louis.' Just then Harry's phone rang, 'Love Me Like You Do' by Ellie Goulding breaking the tense situation between.

'Are you still obsessed with that fucking song?' Louis asked him quietly. Harry smiled.

'I love it,' he told him while taking out his phone from his back pocket, his other hand still gripping Louis' thigh tightly. It was Paul. He tapped the answer button.

'Paul hey,' he said, 'what about tomorrow?' Harry asked. He was silent for a few minutes, listening to the Paul talking on the other end of the phone whilst looking at Louis every now and then. 'Okay,' he said into the phone, 'just push them under the door of my room. I'm gonna have a shower and sleep. I'm tired. Cheers Paul. Yeah see you tomorrow. No I won't be late.' Harry hung up. Louis looked at him waiting for him to share the details of his phone call. Harry sat back on his haunches and looked up at Louis.

'I leave for L.A tomorrow at 10 am. They said there's preparations to be made regarding my birthday.'

'Nadine,' Louis said sadly. Harry got on his knees and moved between Louis' thighs. They were almost the same height and Harry looked into his blue eyes. He cupped his face in his hands, holding his gaze.

'I couldn't give a fuck about Nadine Lou. You're the only one I want. You're the one I love. When are you going to understand that babe?' he asked him in his deep, slow voice. Louis blinked. He could feel all the anger seeping out of him. Harry always did that to him. He managed to calm him. He was his anchor. His calm. His light. His soothing, deep voice making all his anxiety and fears and jealousy melt away.

'I can't help it,' Louis told him in a quiet voice. 'I don't like anyone touching you or being with you even a beard. You're mine.' Harry smirked at him.

'Have I ever given you any reason at all to think otherwise Lou? I'm your's. Just yours.' He moved closer to him bringing Louis' face closer to his. Louis closed his eyes as he felt Harry's soft full lips on his. Harry stroked Louis' cheeks as he deepened their kiss tasting the whiskey on Louis' tongue. Louis moaned softly against Harry's mouth. He placed the glass on the table next to his chair. His hands found Harry's soft curls and his fingers tightened in his hair. Harry's hands moved from Louis' cheeks down his neck, his shoulders, dragging his fingers slowly down his back till he gripped his hips tightly pulling him closer to him. Louis moaned again in his mouth, tightening his knees against Harry's waist.

Harry pulled back and smiled at Louis. 'I love you, you know that yeah?' he asked him, his deep voice soft and slow giving Louis goose bumps all over. Harry had taken the fight out of him and he now only felt a hollow peaceful feeling inside. Louis nodded. Harry licked his lips still tasting Louis.

'Lou, I need you to understand and know that there will never be anyone else for me but you. You are the story of my life. Only you. It doesn't matter who Modest fucking tries to hook me up with, please always know that I love YOU! Just YOU okay? And please never doubt me or push me away. It hurts a lot. You know I would do anything for us. Anything.' Louis looked at him then wrapped his arms around Harry's neck and pulled him into a tight hug, burying his face in his hair.

'I'm sorry H. When it comes to you I don't think straight. When they make me do things, I...I get upset. I'm sorry I doubt you or accuse you of things you clearly don't do. I know you love me and I love you so much. I'm crazy about you. Forgive me?' Harry smiled as he gently rubbed Louis back up and down.

'There's nothing to forgive you for babe. These things are what make you you. And I love you for all that you are. Even your sassiness.' Harry smirked at him, pulled back and stood up. He looked down at Louis and smiled. He looked gorgeous, his cheeks a little flushed and his lips red from kissing and those blue eyes shining like crystals. Yes it was a difficult relationship and Louis was difficult but it was worth it. For Louis' love it was all worth it.

'Lou I have to go now. I need to pack and get everything sorted. Paul is supposed to drop me off all the papers I need for tomorrow.' Louis' face fell and Harry hated that. He stood up and bit his lip, looking at Harry from beneath lowered lashes.

'Can't you stay with me tonight Haz?' he asked him quietly. 'I need you.' That was all Harry needed to hear. He wrapped his arm around Louis' waist pulling him to his chest and he crushed his mouth to his. Louis had to stand on tiptoes to wrap his arms around Harry's neck. They kissed each other passionately, their bodies crushed together, not a space between them. Louis pulled back a little, his lips still touching Harry's, his breathing uneven, his heart pounding against Harry's chest.

'Take me to bed,' he whispered.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And because I have a little bit of free time, here's another chapter. I do hope you guys are enjoying this one as much as ADSOL ;)

Harry's phone alarm, which also happened to be Ellie Goulding's 'Love Me Like You Do', same as his ring tone, only the full song, woke him. He opened his eyes but he didn't move. He was too warm and comfortable and relaxed to move. Instead he just listened to the song and smiled to himself loving the feel of Louis sleeping in his arms, his warm body tucked in his side, his head resting on his chest, his arm lazily draped over his waist, while his own arm was wrapped around his small shoulders.

'Harry,' Louis grumbled, 'turn it off! I want to fucking sleep.' Harry smiled and rubbed Louis' arm affectionately. Louis was not a morning person.

'This song reminds me of you love,' Harry told him, his voice sounding deeper from having just woken up. He still felt blissfully content and just listened to the song, singing softly to it as Louis cuddled closer to him, the sound of Harry's voice echoing in his chest against his ear. Louis smiled. Who could possible wake up in the morning to an angel like his, serenading him softly in the early morning light after a night of love making? Louis felt blissfully happy.

You're the light, you're the night

You're the color of my blood

You're the cure, You're the pain

You're the only one I wanna touch

Never knew that it could mean so much, so much

You're the fear I don't care

Cause I've never been so high

Follow me to the dark

Let me take you past our satellites

You can see the world you brought to life, to life

So love me like you do,

Love love love me like you do

Love me like you

Love love love me like you do

Touch me like you do

Touch, touch, touch me like you do

What are you waiting for

Fading in, fading out

On the edge of paradise

Every inch of your skin is a holy grail I've got to find

Only you can set my heart on fire, on fire

Yeah I'll let you set the pace

Cos I'm not thinking straight

My head's spinning around I can't see clear no more

What are you waiting for?

Love me like you do,

Love love love me like you do

Love me like you

Love love love me like you do

Touch me like you do

Touch, touch, touch me like you do

What are you waiting for?

Harry stopped and kissed the top of Louis' head as he continued to rub his arm gently and lovingly.

'Hmm,' Louis moaned contently, a lazy smile on his lips, 'that was lovely Haz. I could wake up to this every day. You are such a big romantic.' Harry smiled.

'Only for you my love. I would like nothing better than to wake you up like this every single day of the rest of our lives but now I really have to get up Lou. Its half 6 in the morning and if I'm late Paul will kill me.' Louis tightened his arm around Harry's waist.

'Don't go,' he whined. He lifted his head and looked at Harry through sleepy blue eyes. 'I don't want you to go.' He pouted. Harry loved it when Louis pouted. In one swift movement Harry rolled them over and he lay on top of Louis.

Louis smiled up at him, tucking a loose strand of his long hair behind his ear. 'Good morning handsome.' he purred. Harry kissed his lips softy.

'Good morning beautiful,' he told him, kissing him again. His lips trailed to Louis' ear. Harry took his earlobe between his lips and gently sucked on it. Louis moaned softly.

'Haz,' he breathed.

'Hmm?' Harry asked as he trailed kisses down Louis's jaw, his neck and his collarbones. Louis sighed deeply as he ran his fingers through Harry's crazy curly hair.

'Stay Haz,' Louis whispered as he closed his eyes while Harry continued trailing kisses down his neck.

'I can't babe,' Harry spoke against Louis' skin making him shiver from his warm breath on his skin. He lifted his head and looked at Louis, who had his eyes half closed but looked at Harry when he felt him lift his head up. 'You will be in L.A the day after tomorrow love. And I will be waiting for you with open arms. And we're going to celebrate my birthday and have a few days together just you and I before we set off to Australia. How does that sound?' Louis caressed Harry's cheek.

'Hmm amazing but there are two days without you in between,' he moaned, pouting again. Harry smiled at him fondly. Louis was just too cute! He kissed him lightly on his warm lips.

'And I will be missing you very much, every minute, every hour of each day sweetheart but I must go now okay. I love you so much.' Harry looked at Louis pouting again, those blue eyes begging him not to go yet. Harry grinned at him giving in to his beautiful boyfriend.

'Maybe I can spare ten minutes,' he told him. Louis smiled at him and pulled him in for a deep kiss. He wrapped his legs round Harry's waist and pulled him closer. Harry once again trailed kisses down his neck, biting softly as he went down his collarbones, his chest and started down his stomach. Louis moaned and Harry smiled against his warm skin as he let his tongue slip inside Louis' bellybutton, twirling it. He heard Louis inhale sharply and squirm underneath him. Harry continued kissing down his happy trail, slowly softly getting more moans and groans from Louis. Then his head disappeared beneath the sheet. Louis arched his back off the bed and groaned loudly when he felt Harry take him in his mouth.

'Fuck Harry...Jesus Christ,' he moaned as he fisted the sheets in his hands. He closed his eyes tightly shut as he felt Harry's mouth on him, bobbing up and down, his tongue twirling around his head, sucking hard and he could swear to God he saw stars behind his closed eyes, even the whole fucking galaxy! Harry was good! Harry was fantastic and he drove him off the edge every single fucking time. He could feel his lips and his tongue and Louis felt like he was going to explode because there was nothing hotter than morning sex with Harry! Suddenly Harry's head appeared above the sheet. He moved over him again, kissed him, then he was out of bed walking naked towards the bathroom. Louis watched him in disbelief.

'Harry what the fuck? You didn't just stop?' he called out to him.

'Sorry babe I don't want to be late.' Louis felt frustrated.

'You can't just fucking give me a hard on then walk away mid sucking me off the fuck?' He heard Harry giggle. 'Fuck you Harry,' he called. Harry popped his head out of the bathroom, a wide smile on his face and toothbrush in his mouth.

'You did that twice last night love,' he told him and winked at him which made Louis even more frustrated.

'It's fucking surprising you can even walk at all,' Louis threw at him with a smile on his lips. He loved to tease Harry. He always did. Harry popped his head out of the bathroom again.

'Fuck you Lou,' he told him, laughing. Louis narrowed his eyes at him.

'Fuck me? Really Harry?' he told him giggling. He threw the covers back and quickly hurried towards the bathroom. 'Lets see who fucks who shall we Harry?' He entered the bathroom and saw that Harry was already under the hot spray of the shower.

'Mind if I join?' he asked Harry as he stepped inside the steaming hot shower.

'I was waiting for you actually,' Harry told him as he threw his head back under the steaming water.

'To finish what you started I hope?' Louis teased moving closer to Harry. Harry looked down at him and smiled.

'I need to wash my hair babe,' Harry told him. Louis rolled his eyes.

'My God you're such a diva. Here let me do that for you,' Louis told him. Harry moved closer to him and wrapped his arms around Louis' narrow waist. Louis stood on tip toes and lathered Harry's hair, his delicate fingers massaging his scalp. Louis leaned his body into Harry seductively, both their hard dicks rubbing together.

'Hmm feels good babe,' Harry whispered as he closed his eyes and relaxed under Louis' fingers. 'You are incredibly good with your hands.'

'I know right! Tilt your head back a little so I can rinse it out,' Louis told him so the hot water could run over his hair while he rinsed it through. 'You hair is way too long Haz,' Louis pointed out. 'When wet its way past your shoulders.' Harry smiled, his eyes still closed, loving the feel of Louis' body and fingers on him.

'I'll get it cut,' he told him in a lazy drawl. Louis playfully slapped his shoulder.

'No you won't. Just a trim yeah. I like it long on you. Gives me something to grab a hold of when I'm fucking you.' Louis told him huskily as he tugged on his hair, pulling it just enough to make Harry groan. Harry looked down in those lusty blue eyes staring back at him full of anticipation. Harry pulled him closer, wrapping his arm tighter around his waist.

''You always get your way with me don't you?' Harry asked him, a smirk playing on his lips. Louis touched his face, gently poking his dimple.

'Well you do need to make up for the two days I'm going to be without you yeah? And really Harry, did you really think you could just give me a hard on and walk away from that?' he asked him playfully, batting his wet eyelashes at him. Harry felt a tight pull in his groin. Everything Louis did made him want him, made him weak at the knees, made him just give in to what Louis wanted and needed.

'I love you so so much,' Harry whispered against Louis lips before he crashed his lips to Louis', kissing him with a deep passion. Louis wrapped his arms around Harry's neck and crushed his body against his, not leaving any spaces between them. He smiled inwardly. He was going to keep Harry for a little while longer.

Twenty minutes later Harry emerged from the bathroom, towel draped low on his hips and walked into his room through the door connecting his and Louis' suites. Louis trailed after him also in only just a towel.

'Damn I'm running late,' Harry mumbled as he threw open his closet door and looked at his clothes. Louis sprawled out on Harry's bed, lying on his side, propped up on his elbow watching Harry.

'Do you need a hand love?' he asked him lazily. Harry looked at him over his shoulders, a smile on his lips.

'I believe your hands are what made me late but I would appreciate some help packing?' Harry told him as he pulled on a pair of boxers followed by his black skinny jeans and a black shirt. He got a black bag from the bottom of the closet and threw it on the bed where Louis was.

'Alright alright,' Louis huffed as he got up and started putting Harry's clothes in the bag while Harry buttoned up his shirt then fixed his hair in front of the mirror. After a few attempts at trying he gave up. Dammit he missed Lou! Where was she when he needed her?

'Might as well put it up,' he told his reflection as he gathered his long hair in a messy but perfect bun. He turned to Louis.

'How do I look?' he asked Louis. Louis put his hands on his hips, pursed his lips and looked Harry up and down.

'Like I could undress you all over again,' he told him with a wicked smile. Harry rolled his eyes.

'You're full of shit you know that?' He walked towards him. 'Thank you for packing for me though.' Louis looked up at him.

'Are you sure I can't come with you to the airport?' he asked him hopefully. Harry touched his face lightly with the back of his hands.

'How am I supposed to say goodbye to you at the airport hmm? At least here I can kiss you goodbye.There I can;t and it would kill me to leave you without a goodbye kiss.' He cupped his face and bent down placing his lips on Louis'. As if on cue, a knock on the door cut their kiss short.

'Be right there,' Harry called. He looked at Louis who had gone all serious.

'Babe don't be sad please. I will see you the day after tomorrow okay. Its just 48 hours c'mon,' Harry told him. Louis looked down at his feet with a sullen expression.

'I know I just feel incomplete without you. And...you're going to be with her.' He sulked and folded his arms across his bare chest. Harry put his finger under his chin and lifted his face to look at him.

'Remember its just you! You! You own me Louis. Heart, body and soul. You own them. No one else matters to me. Okay? Please?' Louis nodded.

'Okay,' he told him quietly. Another knock on the door. Harry looked at the door then back at Louis.

'I'm sorry I really have to go love.' He grabbed his bag and passport, slung his shoulder bag on his shoulder and pecked Louis' lips one more time.

'I love you. I'll see you Friday yeah.'

'I love you,' Louis told him as Harry started walking towards the door. He felt his heart going out the door with Harry. 'Text me.'

'Will do babe,' Harry said as he opened the door, walked out and let the door close silently behind him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys thank you so much for reading my fic. I will be updating Outing Larry on Saturdays and Sundays so during the week I can continue writing A Darker Shade of Love.

The lads met up in the lobby of the hotel. Paul was checking them out and two of the other security detail where loading their luggage into the waiting van outside. Louis walked slowly towards Zayn, Liam and Niall.

'How you holding up Lou?' Zayn asked him, seeing the frown on Louis' face. He knew how both he and Harry got angsty when they were apart. 'You need to chill man or that frown's gonna become permanent.' Louis sighed heavily.

'He's been gone for two hours and I miss him so much already,' he said quietly. Zayn shoulder bumped him.

'Look at it this way, that's two hours less till you see him again.' Louis smiled faintly.

'True. So where you guys going?' Louis asked his friends.

'I'm off home,' Zayn told him. 'I want to spend some time with my family and Perrie before we set off. It's gonna be a long ass tour and after what those Modest shits said, I'm gonna need this time with my family.'

'I'm off to good ole Aussie,' Niall told them. 'I want some relaxing time over there before it gets all work and no play.'

'I'm just meeting Soph and visiting my family then meeting you and Harry in L.A for his birthday. Soph and I are looking forward for sometime together even though she will be on tour with me for a while. When is Eleanor joining you Lou?' Louis rolled his eyes and shrugged.

'I don't know and I don't really care. I'm guessing I have to be seen with her at Harry's party,' he said a little angrily. 'Its not like they're gonna let me be around him un-chaperoned! So yeah I think she'll be in L.A. sometime round Harry's birthday.' Zayn squeezed his shoulder.

'Just go with the flow man. You know where your heart is and you know it's safe. Nothing those assholes can say can ever break you and Harry.' Louis looked at his feet, chewing on his bottom lip.

'There where times when I came close to just giving in to them and quitting Harry. Sometimes it gets too much you know. Especially when I can't even look at him while singing. How can I possibly not look at him tell me? Its just not even possible.'

'We know Lou,' Liam told him sympathetically. 'We know it tears you both apart having to hide from the world but you can't give up yeah. Leaving Harry is not an option. Don't even entertain the idea. It's what they want; to break you until you have no choice but to break up with him. But you need to be strong Lou. For him and for you. You know Harry would die without you. A love like yours' is worth fighting for.' Louis smiled at Liam affectionately as he squeezed his shoulder. Paul came over to them.

'Okay we're all set and ready to leave for the airport. Oh Louis this is for you it was at the front desk.' Paul handed Louis an envelope. Louis opened it and took out a single white sheet of paper folded in half. He unfolded it and took a sharp in take of breath and a sweet smile spread across his face and a pink blush coating his cheeks.

I'm half a heart without you. Your's Always, Harry.

Liam, Niall and Zayn saw the smile on his face and the blush that spread on his cheeks. They crowded round him and looked at the note.

'Aww,' Niall cooed. 'Harold is such a romantic.' Louis beamed up at him.

'Indeed he is,' he said. Zayn clapped him on the back.

'That right there is the reason you should never give up Lou. You'll never find a love like that anywhere else.' Louis nodded, still smiling like an idiot.

'Okay,' Paul told them. 'All of you in the van. Now! We gotta beat traffic if we're to make it to Heathrow in time for your flights. Louis yours is first. Just call your mum with the flight details to let her know what time you're coming in. She called you yesterday evening but couldn't get hold of you so she called me.' Louis nodded and took out his phone just as it beeped. He opened the message.

[From Harry] :

Buckled in my seat safely. Waiting for take off. Missing you like crazy. Harry xxx.

Louis smiled at his phone trying to watch where he was walking while keeping up with the others and texting Harry.

[From Louis] :

I miss you too. Got your note. I'm half a heart without you too. On the way to the airport to fly home. Lou xx.

Louis kept his phone in his hand as he got in the van and sat next to Zayn. His phone beeped again.

[From Harry] ;

Have a safe flight my love. See you in two days. I love you. Harry xxx.

'Will you stop smiling at your damn phone?' Zayn told him playfully. 'You look daft.' Louis shrugged, feeling a warm happy feeling spread inside his tummy.

'I can't help it,' he said as he typed in his phone.

[From Louis] :

Have a safe flight yourself. See you in 46 hours and yes I'm counting down. I love you. Lou xx

Zayn shook his head at him, a fond smile on his lips. 'Hey Kev turn the radio on man.' Kevin turned on the radio just as 'Love Me Like You Do' came on. Louis sat forward in his seat.

'Kev turn it up a notch will you?' Zayn threw him a questioning look. Louis grinned and shrugged.

'Its Harry's favorite song. That idiot just loves it so much,' he told him grinning stupidly as he sat back and listened to Harry's voice sing this song to him earlier that morning, holding him tightly in his arms, pressed up against his solid chest and Louis knew that he would never let go of Harry no matter how hard and difficult the situation became. No matter what Modest threw at them, he would hold on for Harry and their love.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So everyone enjoying this story or?

Louis was glad to be back home! He quickly made his way to baggage claim to collect his bag. Louis let out an easy breath knowing that for a while he wouldn't be met with screaming fans, pulling and tugging at him and security pushing him along. Here, he was home. It was quiet. It was relaxing. Here he got to do everything for himself. No security grabbing his bags and ushering him to waiting chauffeured vans that took them to lavish hotels. Here, he took care of his own luggage and his mother was waiting outside for him to take him home. He grabbed his bag off the carousel and made his way towards the exit doors that lead him to the Arrivals in Doncaster Sheffield Airport. As soon as the doors slid opened and he went through, his eyes scanned over the people waiting there searching for his mother and when his eyes rested on his mother's beaming face, Louis rushed towards her and hugged her tightly.

'God I missed you mum,' he told her as he buried his face in his mother's long brown hair that smelled like home. Everything about his mother smelled like home, like safety, like reassurance, all of which Louis needed right now. Jay ran her hand up and down her son's back, pulling him closer. He was her first born, her baby and she missed him.

'Not half as much as I missed you my darling.' She pulled back and cupped his face. 'I'm so glad you decided to spend these two days with us baby. It's going to be a while now till we get to see you again.' Louis smiled at her as he picked up his bag.

'Yeah but I will call, text and Skype.' Jay smiled at him as she linked her arm through his and together they walked out of the airport. Louis breathed in the smell of Doncaster. He loved his hometown and missed it dearly.

'Its not the same as actually having you for real,' she told him hugging his arm. Louis kissed his mum's cheek.

'I know mum. I miss you all so much too and I want to spend more time with you and I will I promise. It's just with this tour coming up now, I will be away for a while but I will make time.' Jay tightened her grip on his arm.

'I know sweetheart. How is Harry?' she asked him. She saw his smile falter a little, his eyes dim.

'On his way to L.A. right as we speak.' They arrived at his mum's car and she opened the trunk so he could put his bag in. She closed it and they got in the car. She looked at Louis as he buckled himself in.

'You'll see him soon hun. He's only been gone a few hours,' she told him, starting the car up and pulling out of the parking lot. Louis looked at her as he reached over to turn on the radio. 'Wherever You Are' by 5 Seconds of Summer came on. Louis looked down at his lap. Perfect song, he thought. Just what I need! He took in a deep breath.

'I know. Its just weird without him. It isn't about how long its been since I've seen him or last spoken to him. Its those moments when I find myself doing something and wishing he was here with me that I miss him the most.' Jay smiled fondly at her son.

'Honey missing Harry is your heart's way of reminding you how much you love him. What you two have is extraordinary. Its special. You two are two parts of one whole. One can't be without the other. You should hold on to that honey.' Louis looked out of the window and said nothing. His mum noticed him fidgeting with his fingers.

'What is it honey? You know you can tell me anything right?' Louis looked over to his mum.

'It keeps getting harder to be with him mum. We had a meeting yesterday with management and there were more rules for me and Harry. Sometimes it just gets too much and honestly there are days when I just can't do it anymore.' Jay kept her eyes on the road yet she felt worried for her son. This has always been a very stressful issue with Louis. She knew he was madly in love with Harry but their relationship was a difficult one and Jay knew that sometimes it took its toll on Louis. Just as Anne knew how difficult it was for Harry. She and Anne talked regularly and visited each other and they always discussed their sons and how afraid they were for their mental health being in this band and forced into a closet.

'Sweetheart, you can't let them make you doubt yourself and what you feel for Harry. Your situation is not an easy one I mean with you both being so famous its obvious they won't let you come out...'

'Mum I never said I wanted to come out,' Louis interrupted her. Jay sighed heavily. They had had this discussion before and it kept coming up.

'Louis honey what is it exactly that you want then? You get upset because management makes you keep your relationship with Harry hidden yet you don't want to come out. I don't understand. I have tried to understand you multiple times when this issue came up. When you told me you fell in love with Harry the first time, I accepted that with no qualm or hesitation. You are my son and I love you regardless of who you love. I want you to be happy Lou and I see nothing wrong with you being gay...'

'Mum I'm not gay,' Louis argued, stopping her mid-sentence. Jay sighed again. 

'Sweetheart you are in a relationship with Harry. I don't understand.' Louis looked at her and huffed.

'Its just Harry mum. Before I met Harry, I dated girls. Then I met Harry and it changed me. It changed everything. I mean I never looked at guys before Harry and now I don't look at guys and feel something for them or fancy them or anything. Its just Harry mum. It began with Harry and it ends with Harry. I can't even think of myself being with another guy besides Harry. It's just him. He makes me this way.' Jay smiled at herself.

'So let me get this right. You are only gay for Harry yeah?' Louis opened his mouth to protest, then closed it, then opened it again but nothing came out. Harry had told him the exact same thing! He huffed again.

'You could say that yeah,' he said softly. His mum always knew right what to say! As did Harry!

'Honey listen, I get what you are saying but you were just eighteen when you met Harry. People don't make other people gay sweetheart. It was always there you just didn't know it. Harry just gave you a nudge in the right direction, and its alright that it's just Harry and you don't see yourself with anyone else. You are in love with Harry Lou that's why you don't see yourself with anyone else.' his mum told him. 'But I understand why you don't want to come out because no one will understand this, that its just Harry for you. They will label you as gay and that's all they will see. They won't understand it how you just explained it to me.'

'Yeah I guess,' Louis told her. 'Its complicated because now everyone kinda “knows” about us and I'm not really comfortable with the whole coming out thing even if we could do that. Everyone will just think I'm plain gay. I mean what if Harry and I break up or something? They will be looking at my next boyfriend. Shipping me with other potential guys. Maybe I should be seen with girls then everyone will think that at least I'm Bi.'

'Louis!' his mother exclaimed. 'You and Harry are not breaking up anytime soon honey.' Jay pulled up in the driveway of her house and killed the engine. She unbuckled her seat belt and turned in her seat to face her son. 'Honey, I know this is difficult for you. And management doesn't make it any easier. Maybe if you were just a normal 23 year old and Harry was just a normal 21 year old, all of this would be just a normal relationship but you are both very famous and you are in the spotlight so it does get hard yes. People are going to talk and wonder and drag you both and jump to conclusions and the media will eat you both alive. Let them sweetheart. It doesn't really matter if you are straight, gay or Bi. You do not need a label my sweet boy. Just be unapolgetically who you were born to be. You are perfect regardless of who you love. The heart loves who it loves baby and yours just happens to love Harry.' Jay put her hand on Louis' chest, right between his collarbones.

'Your tattoo here, 'It is what it is', remember why you got that? That was your statement honey. Stick to that. Just be happy love. Just follow your heart Lou, it will always lead you in the right direction. And always do what makes you happy and what feels right in your heart go for that. As long as you're happy, do whatever it is that makes you so. And always always remember that it is what it is, never mind what anyone else thinks.' Louis felt his eyes tear up. He unbuckled his seat belt and fell into his mum's arms.

'I love you mum. And I'm so glad to be home for a bit. I can just be me here and forget everything for a while.' Jay hugged him tightly and kissed him on his head.

'Come on then. Your sisters and brother have been anxiously waiting for you. Welcome home hun.' Louis pulled back and looked at his mum.

'I don't know what I'd do without you mum.' Just then his phone beeped. He took out his phone and went to messages. He looked up at his mum.

'Its Harry,' he told her smiling, his eyes shining. She winked at him.

'I could tell by the smile and blush on your face. I'll be inside. Don't be long. I'll make you a cuppa,' Louis nodded as he opened the message.

[From Harry]

Hey babe the flight is delayed for a bit. Did you get home okay? Harry xx

Louis smiled as he began texting back.

[From Louis]

Just got home. Was so good to see my mum. Didn't know how much I had been missing her. I miss you more though. Lou xx

Louis got out of the car and put his phone in his back pocket. He popped open the trunk and pulled out his bag and stood for a moment looking round the neighborhood. It was quiet and peaceful. It was normal. It was away from the crazy life he and Harry lived. He looked at the houses, with their neat lawns and garden furniture, their little fences and cars parked in the driveways and wondered if he and Harry would ever have all this. Their own home with their own lawn and garden furniture, their cars parked in the driveway, kids, a normal life...another beep from his phone pulled him out from his thoughts.

[From Harry]

Say hi to your mum and sisters for me yeah. Wish I was there babe. I want nothing more than to be where you are. I love you. I think we're ready for take off. Air traffic sucks. I'll text you as soon as I land. Go and enjoy your family. Harry xxx

Louis smiled at the message. Harry was just extraordinary. He was out of this world. And he was all his and he loved him so much. He felt a sudden rush of happiness go through him. He would see him again in...Louis looked at the time on his phone...41 hours. He quickly typed in his phone.

[From Louis]

Wish you were here too. Miss those arms and those lips. See you in 41 hours. Still counting. Oh I'm emailing you an attachment. Its my song for you ;) Lou xx

Harry smiled as he read Louis' text. In all honesty, he too was counting down the hours though he knew he had a lot to do till he saw Louis again. One of which was meet Nadine. It was the only thing that was making him nervous.

As the plane rolled on towards the runway, Harry went to his email and opened his inbox. He saw Louis' email. Subject : to my bae. Harry smiled at the phone. He opened the email and read:

This is from me to you. Put your headphones in and relax. See you soon babe xxx

Harry smiled to himself and shook his head. He put on his headphones and opened the attachment. Music floated into his headphones. 'Sugar' by Maroon 5. Harry smiled wider. Ah Louis loved this song.

I'm hurting baby, I'm broken down

I need your loving, loving

I need it now

When I'm without you

I'm something weak

You got me begging, begging

I'm on my knees

I don't wanna be needing your love

I just wanna be deep in your love

And it's killing me when you're away, ohh baby

Cause I really don't care where you are

I just wanna be there where you are

And I gotta get one little taste....

He closed his eyes and pictured the love of his life, his eyes so blue, crinkling at the sides when he smiled widely, his hair, that feathered fringe, those red lips...his voice so high pitched.

Your sugar

Yes please

Won't you come and put it down on me

I'm right here, cause I need

Little love, a little sympathy

Yeah, you show me good loving

Make it alright

Need a little sweetness in my life

Your sugar

Yes please

Won't you come and put it down on me

He listened to the words, which were so appropriate and so Louis, because Louis wasn't exactly romantic. This was his idea of romance. Louis tried sometimes to be romantic for him but Louis was a football-playing-beer-drinking-pub going-South-Yorkshire lad. Louis was fun and jokes and sass and loud and he knew how to curse and tell you to fuck off when needed. He was sexy and hot and a damn flirt. Louis was sex and love and moods. But Harry loved him for all that he was. Sometimes Harry wondered how Louis was even with him. Because many times Louis had told him that he wasn't gay and that confused Harry. Then he'd send him a song like this because he knew that Harry would remember the last time Louis had played this song for him. Harry smiled to himself. Louis had been happy that day. He had been in such a good mood and they had been drinking with the lads and just enjoying a day off in the sun and later when they were alone, Louis had played him this song over and over, singing it him, being the sexy little fuck that he was and Louis had loved him hard all night long till Harry had begged him to stop because he was exhausted and couldn't take anymore. Louis was an energetic little bastard! But Harry adored him and he knew he had sent him this song to remind him of that day/night and to tell him just what to expect in the upcoming days.

My broken pieces

You pick them up

Don't leave me hanging, hanging

Come give me some

When I'm without ya

I'm so insecure

You're the one thing, one thing

I'm living for

After that night, while they lay in each others arms, Harry remembered asking him how he was even with him if he didn't consider himself gay. Louis had smiled at him and told him that he was the only one male he was ever going to be with for the rest of his life and Harry had smiled and had told him that he felt flattered that he was only gay for him and they had laughed about it yet he also felt insecure. Louis' sexuality was a bit of a mystery to Harry but he never broached the subject again to Louis. It made Louis uncomfortable so Harry just took what Louis gave him and felt blessed that this beautiful boy had decided to be with him and love him. Harry wanted nothing more.

Your sugar

Yes please

Won't you come and put it down on me

I'm right here, cause I need

Little love, a little sympathy

Yeah, you show me good loving

Make it alright

Need a little sweetness in my life

Your sugar

Yes please

Won't you come and put it down on me

Harry quickly downloaded the song on to his phone as the plane picked up speed ready for take off. He put his phone on airplane mode, put the song on repeat, lowered his seat and closed his eyes. He was just going to relax and think of nothing but Louis...his Louis. He was going to pretend that everything was fine. The rest, for the time being, could just go to hell.

I want that red velvet

I want that sugar sweet

Don't let nobody touch it

Unless that somebody's me

I gotta be your man

There ain't no other way........


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys sorry I did not update yesterday like I promised to do but today I will update two chapters to make up for yesterday. Thank you so much for reading my fic. All the love, M

Harry felt tired. He was jet legged and he was just plain tired. Alex and Brain, his security detail assigned to him ushered him from the airport into a waiting car. Luckily, there were no fans waiting for him as his arrival in L.A hadn't been leaked. Obviously management hadn't seen the need for Harry to be papped arriving.

Once he got into the car, he flopped in the back seat and let his head rest on the back of the seat, his body feeling heavy and tired.

'Where to next?' he asked Brian while fishing his phone out of his jeans pocket because he had promised Louis to text him once he had touched down in L.A.

'Hollywood Hills,' Brian told him. The car pulled out into the busy L.A roads. Harry looked at him quizzically and sat up a little straighter in his seat.

'What?' he asked, surprise lacing his voice. Hollywood Hills? Brian just shrugged.

'They rented you a house up in the Hills.' Harry looked at Brain clearly confused now.

'They, you mean Modest, rented a house for me, in the Hills?' Brian looked at him as if he were looking at a toddler.

'Yes Harry,' he simply told him. 'They rented you a house in the Hills.' Harry smiled.

'Cool,' he said, while he began texting on his phone.

[From Harry]

Hey babe I arrived safe and sound. Very tired and jet legged. Now being driven to some house Modest rented for me in the Hills. Surprised AF! They've never done such a thing. What do you think it means?

Harry looked out the window. Los Angeles was beautiful. He was glad he didn't wear a jacket. It was hot and humid here. Even though it was past midnight, the city was alive and warm. His phone beeped.

[From Louis]

Baby I was waiting for you to text me. I was worried. Glad you arrived safely. And wow a house in the Hills? That's new! I don't know what it means but it means they want something from you H. Be careful. Get some rest yeah. Wish I was there to help you unwind...

Harry smiled at Louis' text.

[From Harry]

I want nothing better than to have you here with me. Feeling very lonely without you. Can't wait till you get here. And I will be careful. Careful in my middle name ;)

Harry closed his eyes and realized he needed to sleep. Badly. Everything ached and missing Louis wasn't helping. At least if he slept there would only be 24 hours to go till he would see him again. His phone vibrated in his hands.

[From Louis]

Your middle name is Edward you liar! What else have you been lying about hmmm? Can't wait till I'm there too hun. Just another 36 hours love and I will be there. Text you tomorrow. Going out with the girls ;) I love you xx

Harry was glad that Louis was spending these two days with his family. He knew how much he missed them especially his sisters and little brother.

[From Harry]

Enjoy them as much as you can love. Say hi for me. I love you more xxx

He stuffed his phone back in his pocket and looked out the window at the scenery. Clubs, restaurants, people, traffic. Some say that New York is the city that never sleeps but Harry thought Los Angeles should fit that title better. At midnight, the city was alive! His mind drifted to what was coming. His birthday party was coming up on Saturday. Modest had sent him the guest list, which he had gone through on the flight over and it was full of A listers. He couldn't understand why they invited Kendall! There were David and Victoria Beckham, Adele, Kelly Osbourne, Rita Ora and Cindy Crawford on the list and he was pleased that they had been invited especially David Beckham because Louis had been dying to meet him but then he saw that Kendall Jenner was on the list. The first thought that had come to his mind was Louis. He already had Nadine Leopold to deal with. Now he had to deal with Kendall Jenner too? Was really Modest intent on turning him into a man-whore and make Louis hate him? Of was it all a ploy behind something they were scheming for him? Louis had told him to be careful.

Harry sighed heavily. Why couldn't he just be with his love? Why won't those assholes just let them be together? He knew that Louis was going to have a hard time at the party but what could he do? There were orders to obey and he had to play along whether he wanted to or not. Still, they had a whole day to themselves before the party and Harry was going to make sure to do everything in his power to show Louis that he was the only one for him no matter how many beards they threw at him or how much they made him out to be a womanizer. He wanted to do all that he could for Louis just so that at the party, Louis will be confident enough in their love that he won't mind what Harry had to do for the media and the world to see. Let the world see him as a man whore! What mattered was that Louis knew how much Harry loved him and that he was the only one. And after the party, they had a whole week to just be together alone before they left for Australia to meet up with the lads and kick start their world tour.

The car left the city behind and it began its ascent into Hollywood Hills. It was quieter out here. It was darker, more secluded. The houses here were far apart from one another with acres of ground surrounding them with huge trees protecting the premises and keeping them private. This was were the famous and the rich people lived. Harry looked out the window as they continued to climb into the elite hills of Hollywood. He felt a bit strange because Modest had always put them up in hotels or they would go to their house so he really didn't understand why they had set him up here. It was also where his birthday party was going to be held so it kind of made sense. Harry had a list of things that had to be done and when to be done regarding the party. Not stuff he had to do though! The list was long. Names of caterers, waiters, barmen, security, valet parking, guests...it was endless. He sighed again, his tiredness bone deep. Modest had gone all out with this party. He also knew that they would all be here...the executives from Modest and from Syco. That was why he needed to reassure Louis of his love and have him behave. Louis just couldn't fuck up Saturday!

The car pulled up through elaborate iron gates that swung open automatically into a wide driveway lit up by spotlights in the cobbled ground. When the car finally stopped, Harry got out and stretched his long legs. The front of the house was all lawn on either side of the driveway and trees. A few steps led up to a huge white door. Harry felt a bit out of place here. It would've been alright if the lads were here with him to enjoy all this, but all by himself it felt...weird. He looked at Alex and Brian and together they walked up the steps to the house. Alex opened the door and they stepped into a large foyer. Harry looked around him in awe.

To his left was a huge lounge with white couches and armchairs, with cream colored cushions thrown on them and the floor covered with carpets in shades of cream and browns. There were glass vases full of yellow and orange azaleas. But what really was the main attraction in the room was a grand black piano to the side of the room. Harry thought of Louis immediately. He was going to freak out over that piano!

He looked to the right and walked into another gorgeous room. A dining room. There was a long table that seated twenty people easy. It was all glass. The chairs where high backed and white. There was not much else in the room except two large bowls on the table full of floating candles and white and yellow water lilies. Harry was surprised. Who took care of all these details? Who made up these houses for people like him to rent out to? He really didn't feel like he belonged here. This was way too much for him. He shook his head and walked back out into the foyer again and to the back of the house.

He came into another living room, less formal than the one in the front. The walls here were all glass and looked out onto a large pool. This living room had one long beige couch with white cushions and just a contemporary cream fireplace. It had white stones lit up with gas. Harry smiled. This was very romantic and now more than ever he wanted Louis to get here.

He walked outside and the view was breathtaking. He stepped down three wide stairs and he was on a deck area with tables and chairs and a huge barbeque area with a bar. He walked past this area, down another three steps to a large pool and a jacuzzi on the right side, with comfortable looking sunbeds. To the left side there were more white couches. Past the pool was a view of the Hills and the City of Los Angeles below. It was quiet and peaceful up here. Harry loved it but he hated being here alone. He also didn't like the nagging feeling in his stomach as to why management was singling him out from the others.

He turned back and went inside through a different door and he came into a huge kitchen with all the latest appliances, a breakfast area and a large kitchen island in the middle of the vast room. One side of the kitchen was a floor to ceiling glass wall over looking a huge garden, lit up by white lamps. Alex and Brian where sitting at the kitchen island having a drink.

'They really splashed out on you Harry didn't they?' Alex told him, looking around the lavish kitchen. Harry just nodded but said nothing still unable to believe that Modest had put him out here.

'Can we get you anything to eat?' Brian asked him. Harry shook his head.

'No thanks. I'm just gonna go to bed. I'm tired and jet legged. I'll see you guys in the morning yeah?'

'Sleep well Harry,' Brian told him. Harry walked out into the foyer again and picked up his bag and shoulder bag. He climbed the wooden and glass stairs to the left of the foyer and he came to the second level. He walked down a hall with closed doors, which he assumed where bedrooms. He went to the room at the end of the hall which he assumed was above the lounge that over looked the pool and the City. He pushed open the door and once again his breath was knocked out of him. It was indeed a huge bedroom with its floor to ceiling glass walls over looking the pool and Los Angels with its twinkling city lights below. Harry decided that this was going to be their bedroom for the coming week. There was just a huge bed in the room and a 50' plasma TV hanging on the wall. Harry dropped his bags by the bed and walked into the next room.

It was a big bathroom, with the tub sunk in the middle of the room that easy accommodated four people. This room also had floor to ceiling glass walls that over looked the Hills. Harry had never seen such an impressive house. He was going to love it here especially when Louis arrived.

He went back into the bedroom and opened his bag and fished out his phone charger, walked to the small table beside the bed, plugged in his phone and opened his text messages. He just had to text Louis before he went to sleep.

[From Harry]

Hey babe just got to the house. Its ridiculously big and extravagant you wouldn't believe it. I wonder why they are doing all of this. Wish you were here Lou. It feels so lonely here without you.

He hit send and watched his phone until it said delivered. He sat on the bed heavily, unzipped his boots and took them off. As he began to unbutton his shirt, his phone beeped.

[From Louis]

Can't wait to be with you love in that ridiculously big extravagant house and have mad hot reunion sex! I miss you so much Haz. Don't worry too much about what all this means. I'm pretty sure we will know when they decide to tell us. 

Harry smiled at his phone. He loved Louis so much'

[From Harry]

Babe I'm just going to sleep for a few hours okay. I'm knackered. What time is your flight tomorrow?

A few minutes and his phone beeped.

[From Louis]

I leave London at approximately 9 am. I should be there at your 10 pm. Sleep well my love. Rest. See you soon. 

Harry put his phone on silent, placed it face down on the bedside table, undressed, pulled back the expensive looking duvet and flopped in bed. He sighed, closed his eyes and was out like a light.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised making up for my lack of update on Saturday. Here's chapter 9.

Harry felt like an excited teenage girl waiting for her date to arrive. Louis had called thirty minutes earlier, informing Harry that he had landed and was on his way. Harry had nearly squealed and hadn't stopped pacing the length from the kitchen to the piano room to the foyer and back. He had truly missed him. Ever since he had woken up this morning at around noon, he had been excited. He had woken up to a text from Louis saying that he was waiting for take off and since then the butterflies in his stomach hadn't stopped fluttering.

He had woken up to a beautiful sunny and hot L.A day. He had thrown on a pair of shorts and t-shirt and set about preparing for Louis' arrival and welcome back dinner. He wanted to give him a perfect romantic evening on his first night in L.A, in this beautiful house after not seeing him for two days. Harry felt happy and had dashed downstairs and found Brian and Alex lounging by the pool in the sun. He padded towards them barefoot, squinting in the harsh light of the afternoon sun.

'Don't forget Louis will be coming in tonight at 10 pm. You have to pick him up,,' Harry told them right away. Alex rolled his eyes, sipping from his bottle of beer.

'Good morning to you too Harry. I'm pretty sure you won't let us forget,' he told him smiling. Harry grinned.

'Sorry,' he said meekly, 'good morning. And uhm...we uhm... we...' Harry shifted nervously from foot to foot.

'Would like to be alone?' Brian finished for him. Harry felt himself blush.

'Yeah,' he mumbled round a smile he could not possibly hide. Alex put the beer bottle down and looked up at Harry.

'Harry we were sent here to keep an eye on you,' he told him.

'We'll be fine Alex, we're not leaving the grounds,' Harry told him right away. Alex and Brian looked at each other.

'Harry,' Brain said, 'Louis has been booked into a hotel for a reason. You and him...' he stopped because he knew that Harry understood what he was saying.

'Oh c'mon Brain, seriously? It's the only time we have to spend together before we go on the road and you guys know how hard it gets for us to be together,' Harry said. Brain shrugged.

'Orders man!' Harry looked at him with pleading eyes. Alex and Brian exchanged meaningful glances again. Alex raised an eyebrow.

'Okay Harry but if any of it gets back to Modest and I lose my job...' Harry bounced over to him and grabbed his head between his hands and placed a kiss on the top of his bald head.

'I love you guys,' he told them happily. 'Nothing will get back to them. We'll be careful and like I said, we're not leaving the grounds.' Alex and Brian laughed. Harry's happy nature was infectious. Anyone around him was prone to feel happy because Harry was like that. He spread the happy around!

'Not to burst your happy bubble though,' Brain told him seriously, 'but here are things to do first before Louis gets here. Just got a fax in this morning from the Powers that Be. At 1 pm you have to meet your girlfriend for lunch. And at 4 pm we have to pick up Eleanor from the airport.' Harry looked up at the blue sky, his head rolling back on his shoulders.

'Ugh,' he groaned. 'Fuck! Okay I'll go change and you can take me to meet... to meet...uhm guys what's her name?' Alex shook his head chuckling.

'You're fucking impossible man. Nadine Harry. She's called Nadine Leopold. You might want to remember her name?' Harry giggled.

'Oh yeah her. I'll remember promise. I'll be down soon.' He dashed back inside, taking the stairs two at a time and re-entered his bedroom. He went into the bathroom and noticed that at the back of the big room was a shower. He stripped and got in, letting the cool water cascade over him, refreshing him. He hummed to himself, all the while thinking about Louis, who was in a plane right about now on his way to him. He shut the water off, grabbed a towel and dried himself off while walking into the bedroom. He grabbed his bag off the floor where he had dumped it last night, opened it and stared at what was in the bag. Not much but his suitcases where to arrive later. He had to do with what he had!

He pulled out a pair of black ripped skinny jeans, a white button down shirt and his brown boots. He dressed quickly, fixed his long hair, deciding to leave it down in its natural curls and put on some Hugo Boss aftershave. Louis loved this on him. Harry smiled at himself in the mirror, unable to contain his excitement. He left his bedroom and ran downstairs. Alex and Brian were waiting for him.

'That was quick,' Alex told him with a grin. 'Eager to meet your girlfriend?' He winked at him. Harry laughed.

'Nah I'm just eager to get it over and done with. Let's go.' He turned towards the door.

'Harry, hang on,' Brian said. Harry stopped and turned towards Brian, an annoyed look on his face.

'What now?' he whined, rolling his eyes.

'Okay so this is how its gonna work. You are meeting Nadine at The Wood & Vine for lunch yeah. Its public and frequented by celebrities so its a hots pot for media and paps. Make sure you are seen Harry and you know what I mean about being seen. Modest need results and we are here to see that you, you know do that.' Harry looked down at his feet, his smile momentarily slipping off his face.

'In other words I have look happy with this girl and look like we are a couple in love and give them something to write about and pictures to print.'

'Sorry man,' Alex said, 'but those are the rules.' Harry looked at them both and shrugged.

'Its okay. I did this before. What's one more time to keep fucking Modest happy yeah? This is nothing as long as I get to keep Louis. Lets go.' He put on a pair of sunglasses and walked out into the afternoon sunshine. Nothing and no one was going to dull his shine! Not Nadine and not Modest! Not today.

x

Harry looked at his watch. Louis had text him 20 minutes ago saying that he was in the car and would be there soon. Harry had made himself busy, better than sitting around fidgeting and let his excitement get the better of him. He checked that the food was okay. That the fireplace was on at the right temperature. He walked outside and checked that the candles on the table and around the pool where still on. He had discovered a deck to plug his phone in and play music. His phone was all ready to be played. All that was left was for Louis to arrive.

He sat on the couch and thought back to this afternoon. He had met Nadine and she was okay, funny and beautiful. A nice girl. A bit clingy for his liking. They had talked and had a lovely lunch but his mind had been elsewhere. It had been on Louis. Modest! could force him to go on fake dates but they couldn't force his heart and mind to stray from Louis. Harry always felt bad when they set him up with girls because they didn't know it was all a set up, that they were being used to cover up his relationship with Louis. Modest didn't really like to advertise their relationship! The girls tended to like him right away and want to start something with him. But they didn't know he was taken. That he was in love with someone else. He felt bad at being set up with girls because even though it was all fake (though they did get a huge amount of publicity for themselves out of this), he couldn't help but feel deep down as if he was cheating on Louis and he didn't like that. He didn't like the feeling it gave him. Especially when they were leaving the restaurant and Nadine had kissed him. He had stood frozen for a second when he had felt her lips peck his then remembered that the media were there and that he was supposed to "deliver" and so he had puckered his lips the best he could and returned the kiss, hoping it looked legit. To say it felt awkward was an understatement! He knew there were going to be pictures in The Enquirer and newspapers and celebrity magazines and social media tomorrow. He will be plastered all over them, a snapshot or two of him locking lips with Nadine Leopold and a super story to go with the pictures about how they made the perfect couple and how they were in love! As if! He scoffed mentally! He knew Louis would be upset if he saw them, which he probably would. All that happened today will be tomorrow's news. He hoped Modest would be happy and choke on them.

The sound of a car pulling up the driveway, brought Harry out of his thoughts. He got up and straightened his t-shirt making sure it wasn't rumpled and hurried into the foyer. He opened the door and he could swear to God that his heart leaped and did a triple back flip in his chest as soon as he saw Louis step out of the car. For a moment they just looked at each other, then Louis was up the three steps like a bolt of lightening and fell into Harry's arms, Harry catching him surely, wrapping his arms tightly around his shoulders bringing him to his chest. They hugged each other tightly. Harry cupped the back of his head holding him close to his heart.

'I missed you so much,' Harry whispered in his ear, stroking his soft hair. Louis closed his eyes against his words and tightened his grip round Harry's waist.

'I missed you too,' he told him. They pulled apart and Harry looked at him as if seeing him for the first time. He caressed his face, his fingers running over his scratchy stubble. He waved at Brian and Alex who got back in the car and drove off. He took Louis' hand in his, picked up his bag and pulled him inside, closing the door behind him. Louis looked around in awe.

'Wow Harry this is awesome,' he told him taking in every detail of the luxurious house. Harry smiled.

'The only awesome thing in here is you,' he told him, dropping the bag near the kitchen island, grabbing Louis by his waist and pulling him close. Louis looked up into his face, his hands on Harry's waist. Harry gently cupped his face and bent down, placing his lips to Louis, kissing him softly. Louis sighed contentedly into the kiss and hooked his fingers through Harry's jeans loops and pulled him closer, feeling blessed that finally he was once again reunited with Harry.

'Welcome back to me,' Harry whispered against his lips. Louis smiled. Harry brushed his knuckles down Louis' cheek. 'Hungry?' he asked him. Louis nodded. He took his hand and led him to the lounge leading out on to the pool. Louis looked around at the white couch and fireplace, at the view past the glass walls to the softly lit pool area and the City of Los Angeles below. Harry grinned at the look of boyish wonder on Louis' face.

'You like it?' he asked him. Louis nodded again. 'Sit,' Harry instructed. 'I'll be right back.' Louis sat on the soft couch and continued to look out at the mesmerizing view. This was heaven! Just him and his love alone in this paradise, away from everything and everyone, away from the limelight, the media and Modest! He sighed feeling at ease. Music floated in and Louis smiled to himself. 'A Thousand Years' by Christina Perri filled the room. Typical Harry! Always the romantic, always knowing just the exact music to play to set the mood.

Harry walked back in the room holding two glasses of red wine. He handed one to Louis and sat down beside him, draping his hand over the back of the couch behind Louis' shoulders.

'Thank you,' Louis told him as he took a sip of the red wine. 'That pool looks very inviting.' Harry grinned at him.

'We can have a dip after dinner if you want.'

'I'd love to,' Louis purred. 'Did you cook?' Harry took a sip of wine and rolled his eyes.

'What do you think Lou? That I ordered take out? Of course I bloody cooked!' Louis leaned over and pecked his lips.

'Good. I'm starving.' Harry smiled and shook his head.

'So what do you think?' Harry asked him, looking around the lounge. Louis pursed his lips.

'Very romantic set up. Fireplace, wine, dinner, the pool, candles, I should stay away more often if this is what I get when we reunite.' Harry scooted closer to him, placed his finger under his chin and lifted his face to meet his gaze.

'Nothing in this world is worth being away from you. If things were different, I would do this for you everyday love,' he told him huskily. Louis smiled at him.

'I know babe. Let's not think about what could be yeah but enjoy this week. This house is so big and I think I want to try out every room with you,' he told him seductively, moving his face closer and taking Harry's bottom lip between his own and pulling on it softly. Harry felt his gut give a tight pull. He pulled back and swallowed, Louis' blue gaze fixed on him.

'Okay,' Harry told him to distract himself, 'how about dinner? I don't feel like reheating.' He got up and held out his hand to Louis. He took it and Harry helped him up, laced his fingers through his and he led him out beside the pool. Louis gasped when he saw the table that Harry had set for them, complete with white table cloth and candles. Louis looked around and he could see more candles beside the pool and on other tables around the area. He looked up at Harry with a wide smile on his face.

'You have out done yourself Haz. You didn't have to do all this if you wanted me to put out this evening,' he told him, a smirk on his face. Harry grinned back at him.

'I'd do anything for you love. Anything and not just because I want you to put out.' Louis chuckled.

'I'd put out for you even if you took me to McDonalds!' Harry put his hand on his heart and fake gasped.

'As if I would let you put that shit inside your precious body! You wound me Tomlinson!'

Just as they were walking towards the table, laughing, 'Thinking Out Loud' by Ed Sheeran came on. Harry smiled sheepishly at Louis while taking his glass and putting them both on the table. He took his hand and pulled him close.

'Dance with me,' Harry murmured. Louis looked up at him with adoration in his eyes.

'I'd love to,' he told him in a quiet voice. Harry wrapped one arm around Louis' waist and took his hand and pulled him closer. Together they moved to Ed Sheeran. Harry placed his lips close to Louis' ear and softly sang along:

'And I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways  
Maybe just the touch of a hand  
Well, me—I fall in love with you every single day  
And I just wanna tell you I am

So honey now  
Take me into your loving arms  
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars  
Place your head on my beating heart  
I'm thinking out loud  
That maybe we found love right where we are.'

Louis took in a long shuddering breath at Harry's deep voice softly singing in his ear. When Harry stopped, Louis pulled back a little and looked up into his face, into his loving angelic face, those emerald eyes shining and touched his cheek. It was his turn now:

'Cause honey your soul could never grow old, it's evergreen  
And, baby, your smile's forever in my mind and memory  
I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways  
Maybe it's all part of a plan  
Well, I'll just keep on making the same mistakes  
Hoping that you'll understand

But, baby, now  
Take me into your loving arms  
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars  
Place your head on my beating heart  
Thinking out loud  
That maybe we found love right where we are.'

'Baby,' Harry whispered before leaning in to kiss him softly but deeply as they slowly continued to move together to the music in the warm California night, under the stars kissing each other while Ed Sheeran sang softly in the background. When they pulled apart they were both a little breathless. Harry grinned at Louis, letting his lips hover over his.

'I love you,' Harry whispered.

'I love you,' Louis replied.

'Ready to eat?' Harry asked him and Louis nodded. Louis sat at the table and drank some more wine while Harry went into the kitchen to get the food. He came back carrying two plates, placed one in front of Louis and one in front of his place and sat down. Louis looked down at the plate then back up at Harry with wide eyes!

'Haz you didnt!' he exclaimed. Harry burst out laughing.

'I know you love it,' he told him still laughing winking at him. Louis just sat there smiling at Harry like a child.

'I made this for you the first time I ever cooked anything in my life. Chicken stuffed with mozzarella and wrapped in parma ham! This is so awesome. I haven't had it in ages.'

'And the mash is home made,' Harry told him still laughing. Louis reached across the table and placed his hand on Harry's, squeezing it.

'Thank you for making everything so perfect. You are perfect.' Harry couldn't explain the happy feeling bubbling up inside of him. This was what made their relationship worth it. Little things that were big things! Seeing Louis smile and laugh and being happy and at peace. That was what made it worth it! Being with him here, alone even if it was for just a few days.

They began to eat, talking and drinking wine, soft romantic music playing in the back ground. Louis told him of his two days spent with his family, of his sisters and how much Doris and Ernest have grown up since he last saw them. He showed him pictures on his phone that he had taken of his siblings. Harry told him about the plans for the party tomorrow and how much he was looking forward to it. He told him briefly about his lunch with Nadine, leaving out the kiss obviously. He told him that Eleanor was in town too and that earned him a scowl from Louis. Harry was surprised though that Louis kept his easy, happy mood. He always trudged carefully with Louis when it was regarding certain topics, still he couldn't not tell him about things.

Louis pushed his plate away and settled back in his chair draining the last of his wine.

'I'm full,' he told Harry, rubbing his stomach. 'That was lovely Haz, thanks.' Harry settled back in his chair and eyed Louis.

'You're welcome love though you didn't touch your vegetables,' he told him feigning a scowl. Louis laughed.

'You know I don't like veggies Haz especially greens but really I'm full,' he told him as he lightly tapped his stomach for emphasis.

'Ready for dessert?' Harry asked him, a smirk on his lips and a quirk of his eyebrow. Louis was about to tell him he was feeling rather full when he caught the glint in Harry's eyes, that smirk on his lips that suggested so much. He got up and walked over to Harry, standing between his legs, bent down and whispered against his perfect lips:

'Definitely,' he said. Harry put his glass on the table and stood up, towering over Louis. Louis put his hands on Harry's waist, slipping them underneath his tee shirt to touch his smooth, warm skin. Harry cupped his face in both his hands and leaned in. He could clearly see the deep blue of Louis' eyes anticipating the moment when their lips connected. Harry stared into those deep blues and saw all he needed to see, all that he needed to know: love, desire, passion, trust, home. Louis was perfect. Louis was everything good in his life. Louis was what made living worthwhile. Louis was the reason Harry kept the fight in him alive.

Harry gently stroked his cheeks with his thumbs, still looking into those deep blue eyes, that looked back into his. John Legend's 'All Of Me' floated through the air. Harry gently placed a kiss on Louis' forehead. Louis trailed his fingers up Harry's spine, oh so very softly, feeling his back muscles flex. He could feel Harry's skin break out in goose bumps underneath his finger tips.

What would I do without your smart mouth?  
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out  
You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down  
What's going on in that beautiful mind  
I'm on your magical mystery ride  
And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright

Harry could now feel Louis' fingers as they slowly made their way round to his ribs, a slow, soft, trail, making him shiver even though the air was warm. Harry placed another soft kiss on his cheek where his thumb was still caressing his cheekbones.

My head's under water  
But I'm breathing fine  
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind  
'Cause all of me  
Loves all of you  
Love your curves and all your edges  
All your perfect imperfections  
Give your all to me  
I'll give my all to you  
You're my end and my beginning  
Even when I lose I'm winning  
'Cause I give you all of me  
And you give me all of you, oh oh

Louis inhaled sharply, taking in Harry's scent. Hugo Boss. Harry's smell! He could feel his whole body vibrating with anticipation, with desire and want. Harry loved to torture him by loving him very slowly and softly and Louis loved that, he did but right now, he wanted him. Badly. Harry placed another soft kiss on his nose and Louis dug his fingers into Harry's skin just above his laurel tattoos, letting him know that he was reaching his limit. Harry grinned down at him.

'Impatient are we?' he asked him, his voice deep and slow, dragging on Louis' skin like a hundred caressing fingers. Louis shifted from one foot to the other.

How many times do I have to tell you  
Even when you're crying you're beautiful too  
The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood  
You're my downfall, you're my muse  
My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues  
I can't stop singing, it's ringing, in my head for you

Harry leaned in closer and closed his eyes, tilting his head to the side, still holding Louis' face in his hands. Louis felt his breath hitch as soon as he felt Harry's soft, warm lips on his. They fit together perfectly, moving together slowly. Louis' hands moved down to cup Harry's bum pulling him closer. He felt Harry's tongue trace his bottom lip and Louis shivered, digging his fingers into Harry's jeans clad bum, moving them up slowly to the waistband of his jeans. He parted his lips for Harry and Harry's tongue was inside finding his own tongue, moving together. Louis moaned in Harry's mouth.

'Cause all of me  
Loves all of you  
Love your curves and all your edges  
All your perfect imperfections  
Give your all to me  
I'll give my all to you  
You're my end and my beginning  
Even when I lose I'm winning  
'Cause I give you all of me  
And you give me all of you, ohoh

Harry deepened the kiss, letting his tongue explore Louis mouth, putting his love into this kiss. Louis moved his hands to Harry's flat stomach and ran his hands down to the button of his jeans, tugging on it till it popped open. He knew Harry didn't like to rush but he couldn't control his body. He hardly had any control left! Every fiber of him was screaming for Harry's touch. He slowly pulled down Harry's zip, moving his hand down slowly over Harry's evident erection. Harry pulled back and looked into his eyes.

'How about that swim?' he asked him huskily. Louis smiled and immediately he tugged on the hem of Harry's tee shirt. Harry lifted his arms and Louis pulled it off his head and threw it on the floor. He reached up and tugged gently at Harry's hair tie and released his hair. Harry shook it out and Louis ran his fingers through it, loving the feel of his long soft curls. Harry grabbed the hem of Louis' shirt and pulled it over his head, joining his own tee shirt on the ground. He looked at Louis' muscled body, the tanned skin, his tattoos. God he was madly in love with him. Harry pulled him in for another kiss, this time it was Harry's fingers who deftly unbuttoned Louis' jeans and unzipped him in one swift movement.

'Who's eager now?' Louis asked against Harry's lips, grinning. Harry grabbed the waist band of Louis' jeans and tugged them down his muscled legs. Louis kicked off his Vans and the jeans came off. Harry's eyes trailed up his legs to the small tight black boxers Louis was wearing, not ignoring the bulge inside them. He stood up.

'Your turn,' he told Louis smirking at him. Louis didn't stop to hesitate. He was tugging Harry's jeans down in two seconds flat. He dragged them down his long legs to his ankles then Harry pushed them off to the side. Louis looked at Harry in his boxers looking hot and horny.

'Don't think we'll be needed these will we?' he asked motioning to their boxers. In one quick swift motion he took his off, throwing them with the other discarded clothing, turned and head dived into the pool. When his head re-surfaced, he looked at Harry, smiling and shaking his head, water flying every where.

'Well?' he asked him. 'Are you going to stand there all night?' Harry removed his boxers and head dived into the cool water, surfacing just beside Louis. He pushed his body flush against Louis'.

'I'm all yours my love,' he told him as he crashed his lips to Louis, moulding their bodies to become one.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely people. I can never thank you enough for reading my work and for your encouraging comments. Also thank you to those of you who follow me on Twitter and come chat to me. It is so so lovely to know you. You can find me @50ShadesofMags. Okay then, here is chapter 10. Heartache is coming shortly so have tissues ready. All the love, M

Most of the guests had already arrived and Harry had greeted them all in the foyer, smiling his dimpled smile, shaking hands and welcoming them. The house was bustling. Lights were on everywhere, the music was loud, waiters were going round with drinks and food, valets were parking cars. It was all very high profile and perfect but Harry was nervous. Nadine was yet to arrive, not that he cared much. She only worried him because of Louis. He was anxiously waiting for Louis to arrive. Harry wanted him to arrive before her just so he could maybe pull him aside and reassure him and make sure he was okay.

 

This morning when they had woken up, Harry had reluctantly told Louis that he had to return to his hotel as he couldn't be here when the guests started to arrive tonight. Harry had explained to him in the easiest way possible that he had to arrive like a guest himself. Louis had protested against this but Harry had reminded him that no one from Modest knew that he was staying at the house with him here and that if they found out that would put Brian and Alex in trouble for covering for them. After a bit of persuasion, cuddles, lots of kisses and a blow job later, Louis had agreed. Harry had kissed him this morning right here in this foyer less than 21 hours ago and had begged him to please behave tonight and to trust him, to keep in mind that it was all a front, that he loved him and that he was the only one that mattered. Louis had nodded and muttered a 'yeah sure' and left. Harry had stood at the door heart broken, watching him get into the car without turning back to look at him. Brian had driven him back to the hotel and before they left, he had informed Louis that Eleanor was waiting for him. He had only shrugged but went along peacefully.

 

All day the house had been busy with people setting everything up. Vans and trucks were coming and going unloading drinks and food. There were flowers everywhere. Harry had just lazed by the pool all morning and afternoon not really wanting to do anything without Louis except text him and whining telling him how much he was missing him and how much he loved him. He went upstairs after five in the afternoon when it was time to start getting ready for his party.

 

Now he felt on edge. Louis wasn't here yet. He kept worrying that maybe he wouldn't show up or show up in one of his moods and ruin everything. But before he could go off into another of his worry sprees, his face lit up when he saw Liam and Sophia walking up the steps into the foyer both smiling at him.

 

'Liam!' Harry exclaimed as he hugged his dear friend. 'Sophia you look lovely.' Harry complimented her.

 

'How you're been?' Liam asked him. Harry gave him a one shouldered shrug.

 

'I'm okay. As okay as I can be.' Liam looked around, his eyes wide.

 

'Wow this is a massive house Haz and what a party,' Liam told him impressed. Harry scratched the back of his neck nervously, feeling a little awkward that Modest had done all this for him when they had never done it to the others.

 

'Yeah Modest went out of their way for me and I have no idea why. By the way, they are all here. The big ones I mean. The executives. There's some from Syco too,' he whispered to Liam. Just then Nadine walked in, wearing a tight fitting, short, black lace trimmed dress and a big smile for Harry only. She pushed past Liam and Shopia.

 

'Harry,' she purred as he walked up to him and hugged him tightly. 'I missed you babe,' she told him, placing a kiss on the edge of his mouth. Harry internally stiffened.

 

'Nadine hey,' Harry told her awkwardly as he pulled back. 'This is uhm...Liam, my uhm friend and his uhm girlfriend Sophia. Guys this is Nadine,' he told them. Liam and Sophia exchanged pleasantries but Liam couldn't help the giggle that was bursting to come out of his throat. Harry was really awkward with girls and it was funny to watch, almost endearing. Luckily, Nadine took Sophia's arm and led her through the foyer into the kitchen. Liam burst out laughing.

 

'God you're awkward,' he told Harry. Harry scowled.

 

'Its that obvious huh? I just don't know her that well and she seems so ugh confident.' Liam clapped him on the back.

 

'Just relax yeah you'll be fine. I'll stay close to you in case you need help okay.' Harry smiled at him gratefully, then smiled past him as Liam saw his smile grow wider, his eyes grow brighter and his cheeks turn pink and his dimples grow deeper. Liam looked in the direction that Harry was looking and he saw Louis coming up the stairs with Eleanor, arm in arm. Liam jabbed Harry in the ribs with his elbow.

 

'Ow!' Harry exclaimed holding his side, not tearing his eyes away from Louis.

 

'Stop making it fucking obvious. Work on your acting! You're not going to fool anyone if you look at him like that!' he whispered at him. Louis and Eleanor stepped in the foyer.

 

'Happy birthday Harry,' Louis told him, his voice neutral, not giving anything away. Harry studied his face for a second. Louis' eyes were like ice even though he had a smile on his face. Harry knew that Louis was tense and uncomfortable.

 

'Thanks,' Harry told him. 'Eleanor, so glad you could make it,' he told her offering her a smile and kissing her cheek. Louis looked at Harry as he kissed Eleanor. He was gorgeous in a black shirt that was open and revealed the butterfly tattoo on his stomach, black skinny pants and boots and a black blazer. His hair was down and all curly and when he reached down to kiss Eleanor, Louis inhaled his scent and he nearly passed out. He was so in love with him it made it stomach tighten and his veins burn and he was supposed to pretend that he wasn't in love with him but in love with Eleanor. Louis grit his teeth together.

 

'Hey Lou,' Liam greeted him, distracting him after seeing the way he was eyeing Harry. With difficulty Louis tore his eyes away from Harry and looked at Liam.

 

'Hey Li,' he told him casually. Liam smiled at him and winked at him knowingly, trying to reassure him. Louis rolled his eyes at him and gave him the bitch face. Liam couldn't help but smile. He knew how hard it was for him and Harry.

 

'Please go in and enjoy the party,' Harry told them, a huge smile on his face. Louis returned his gaze on him for a second then took Eleanor's hand and walked into the lounge with the piano and out the door on the side that led towards the pool area. Harry let out a breath as his eyes lingered in the direction Louis had gone in.

 

'A word of friendly advice,' Liam told him, 'avoid looking at Louis like that unless you want all the people in this house to know about you two. The love shines out of your eyes Haz.' Harry scowled.

 

'I can't help it Liam. I love him,' he hissed at Liam. Liam laughed.

 

'I know you do H but try harder for both your sake,' he told him as together they walked towards the kitchen. Harry stopped to make small talk with people who had come to his party. Then out of nowhere, Nadine was next to him, her arm looped through his. She held a flute of champagne and she handed Harry a drink. He didn't know what it was but he needed a damn drink to calm his nerves so he took it. He downed it and scrunched up his nose at the taste of whiskey. He didn't really like whiskey and the warm liquid going down his throat made him feel like his insides were on fire. How the hell did Louis drink this shit?

 

Nadine took his hand in hers and pulled him towards the pool area. As they were going there, Stuart from Modest! stepped in front of Harry stopping them in their tracks.

 

'Harry,' he said with a smile on his face. 'How are you enjoying L.A?' Harry forced a smile on his lips for this dickhead when what he really wanted to do was to wipe that silly smile off his fucking face.

 

'Its great. Thanks for everything, the house, the party. Its excellent. Thank you.' Stuart smiled wider at him.

 

'We at Modest! make sure our favorite clients are well treated. You needed this. And how are things going with your girlfriend?' he asked turning to look at Nadine who smiled widely at Stuart. 'You two looked pretty comfortable yesterday at the Wood and Vine. So many cute pictures of you two love birds.' Nadine snuggled up closer to Harry and kissed him on the cheek. Harry tried hard not to cringe and pull away.

 

'He's amazing. I couldn't have wished for a better boyfriend,' she purred, kissing Harry again. Harry shifted from foot to foot feeling nervous. He looked at Nadine then back at Stuart, who was waiting for a comment from Harry. Harry swallowed and told himself its all fake, its all fake, its all fake!

 

'We are fantastic. Nadine is great. I am so glad I met her.' Stuart beamed at them.

 

'Excellent. You make such a lovely couple. I wish you nothing but the best. I'll leave you to see to your guests then,' he told them as he walked round them and back into the kitchen. Nadine looked at Harry and smiled at him.

 

'Did anyone tell you how hot you are?' she asked him, placing her lips on his in a gentle. Harry stiffened. He didn't move his lips and he desperately wanted to tell her that yes Louis had told him a million times how hot he was but he was frozen as he felt her lips move against him. He quickly remembered where he was and that all the Modest executives where here and that he had a role to play. He wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her closer and kissed her back, hoping he was putting on a good show and also hoping that Louis was somewhere else and no where near seeing this. He pulled back and no sooner he did, he met Louis' cold blue gaze from across the pool. From where he was Harry could see the anger on his face and Harry wanted to run to him and reassure him that it was nothing and beg him to forgive him for having to do this but Nadine took his hand and pulled him away to a few people who were milling by the barbeque area.

 

The party carried on and everyone seemed to be having a good time besides Harry. He was feeling very anxious and nervous. He was standing by the kitchen island drinking a glass of Prosecco. He didn't know where Nadine had gone off to and he was glad of the little time alone. She had stuck to him like a god damned leech and it frustrated him to have her all over him because it was upsetting Louis. Just then, Louis walked in and stopped beside him, pouring himself another whiskey. Harry looked around making sure nobody was within ear shot.

 

'Are you okay?' he asked him, his voice soft and low. Louis shot him a killer look.

 

'Peachy,' he told him sarcastically as he downed the whiskey. Harry bit his bottom lip and looked down at his feet. Of course Louis was not okay!

 

'Don't fucking bite your lip,' Louis hissed at him, 'unless you want me to bite it for you right here in front of everyone. I'm doing my damnest to control myself but you doing that, I can't promise you to have anymore control over myself.'

 

'Sorry,' Harry quickly whispered keeping his eyes on his shoes. Neither of them talked and the silence between them felt awkward and large. Harry finally looked up at Louis whose face was set like stone, his eyes like ice.

 

'Lou, please be okay and remember this means nothing,' Harry begged him. Louis' lips curled up in a tight smile.

 

'Sure Harry. Nothing means anything like those pictures of you two kissing yesterday? They don't mean anything right? And you didn't even tell me! You fucking kept it from me. Found them all over Twitter this morning!' he told him as he drank another whiskey and walked away not giving Harry the chance to say anything or defend himself. Damn those pictures! Damn everything! Harry knew perfectly well that Louis was pissed and he felt scared. He was worried he might make a scene or something. He looked around for Liam and saw him in the foyer talking to some people. He walked over to them.

 

'Ah there's the birthday boy,' a man in his late fifties and an expensive suit said as Harry approached them. They all turned to look at him.

 

'Harry.' Liam greeted him, 'come meet the Modest! And Syco Executives.' Harry couldn't give a fuck about them at the moment. Hereally only wanted to talk to Liam alone to ask him to keep an eye on Louis for him because he was worried about him but instead, he had to act so he smiled brightly, extended his hand and shook the hands that were extended to him.

 

'I trust you are happy and okay with all of this Harry?' the man in the expensive suit asked him. Standing next to them Harry felt under dressed. He flashed them his dimpled smile.

 

'I am thank you Sir,' he replied politely. They made small talk about the upcoming tour, another new album and their success until Nadine appeared from nowhere again and clung to his neck, her body plastered to him. Harry looked at Liam for help. Thankfully the executive people excused them selves and walked off to chat with someone else. Harry looked at Nadine.

 

'I need to talk to Liam for a second love okay,' she nodded and kissed him on the cheek.

 

'I'll be outside. Don't be too long,' she told him as she flicked her hair over her shoulder and sashayed towards the pool area.

 

'Damn she's fine,' Liam said looking at her as she swayed her hips professionally. Harry swatted him on the arm.

 

'Liam! You got a girlfriend man,' he told him. Liam shrugged.

 

'I know but she is.... can you imagine her in one of her Victoria...'

 

'Eww no stop it! I don't need you to be putting pictures like that in my head. Just stop. It's more than enough that I have to endure her kissing me! Seriously every time she's near me she's kissing me and touching me and...and Louis is not happy Liam. He is trying so hard to behave but all this is upsetting him. I need you to go and check on him Li please. He's...he's...' Harry trailed off.

 

'Pissed off?' Liam finished for him. 'What's new? Where you are concerned he never changes.' Harry looked down at his shoes.

 

'I know but can you blame him? He hates it when I have beards. I tried talking to him but he's drinking too much. Please Li just go and check on him and try and keep him from drinking anymore.' Liam sighed.

 

'Okay don't worry yeah. I'll see to Louis. Just enjoy your party man.'

 

As the party dragged on, Harry tried to stay away as much as he could from Louis to avoid him seeing Nadine who clung to him at any given opportunity. He had also tried to avoid Louis when Kendall Jenner had reacquainted their friendship but he hadn't been so lucky. As soon as Kendall had hugged him and kissed him on the cheeks, Louis was there, giving him that freezing blue gaze of his that made Harry's insides feel like they were turning into ice.

 

Soon he was being called and dragged into the dining room where on the big glass table where four birthday cakes with different pictures of him at different ages in his life. Harry couldn't help but smile and feel happy but he was worried for his love. Someone was lighting candles on the cake nearest to him and everyone was yelling for Harry to make a wish. Harry looked up and to the side was Louis with Eleanor, Liam and Sophia. Harry looked at Louis and Louis stared right back at him, no emotions in his eyes, then Harry closed his eyes and when he opened them, he blew out the candles. No sooner did he blow them out, Nadine's arms were around his neck and she was hugging him and suddenly her lips where on his and he had no other choice but to kiss her because everyone was cheering them on and everyone's eyes where on them but he could feel nothing but Louis' eyes on him. Harry felt a lump stuck his throat and tears form behind his closed eyes. He hated doing this. He hated hurting Louis like this!

 

When he pulled back from Nadine, he chanced a look at Louis and Louis was there, standing rigid, glaring daggers at him and Harry felt horribly bad. Everyone was yelling 'speech speech,' so he smiled and nodded, like it was requested of him. Everyone quieted down.

 

'I would like to thank all of you for coming here tonight to help celebrate my birthday. Thank you for making it extra special. I would also like to thank my bosses at Modest for taking care of everything from the guest list to the candles on the cake. I appreciate everything and everyone. Now, if all of you can keep quiet for a few minutes I'd like to face time the woman who gave me life. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't be here today. Thank you.'

 

There were lots of aww's in the room at Harry's sweet words. He took out his phone and connected with his mum. He was so happy to see her and hear her that he thought he was going to cry. He needed his mum right now! He just needed her badly.

 

'Wish you were here mum,' he told her, just as Nadine came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist, her cheek pressed to his back. His mum smiled at him and tried to ignore the fact that there was a girl hanging on to her son's back. She smiled at him lovingly because she could see the sad look behind the dimpled smile.

 

'Go enjoy yourself honey. I'll call you tomorrow okay and we'll talk privately okay. I love you baby.'

 

'I love you too mum,' he told her and hung up. Nadine looked up at him.

 

'Lets go dance,' she told him. Before Harry could reply she tugged at his hand and led him outside where a makeshift dance floor had been set up by the jacuzzi. Harry followed her outside but his eyes were searching for Louis and they found him. He was with Liam and Sophia and he was holding Eleanor's hand and he was laughing about something and Harry sighed with relief. He hated to see Louis upset about something as trivial as this girl!

 

When they got to the dance floor, the DJ that was set up next to the outside bar, slowed the music down and played 'Red' by MYKL. Nadine smiled at Harry and pulled him in her arms, her hands going lower till they rested on his bum and she pulled him closer, her body squashed to his. To say that he was feeling awkward was an understatement. He didn't like this! He liked nothing about this but by the pool he could see Stuart looking in his direction. Reluctantly, he wrapped his arms around her and moved with her praying to God that Louis wouldn't look this way. Nadine looked up into his face.

 

'So what do you say we take the party somewhere more private Harry?' she asked him in a lusty voice as her hands squeezed his bum, making Harry jump a little. Harry swallowed thickly. Louis was going to kill him! He wanted to get away from her, fast and as far away as possible but instead he smiled down at her.

 

'I appreciate the offer Nadine but I'm really tired and I have a busy day tomorrow. Lots of preparations for the up coming tour and all that. Its been a long day. Maybe some other time yeah?' Nadine pouted and batted her eyelashes at him. Harry mentally rolled his eyes. The only pout and eye batting lashes that had any effect on him were Louis'.

 

'Okay,' she told him, 'I'll hold you to that.' She moved closer to him, swaying her hips to to the music, her hand still on his butt, squeezing. If she was trying to get him hard, she was failing miserably!

 

 

Gradually, people started to leave. Harry wished Nadine would leave as soon as possible so he could finally breathe. The Modest executives and Stuart came to say goodbye to Harry and once again he thanked them and shook their hands pleasantly and with a smile on his face. People continued to leave and finally Nadine, who was rather drunk, wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss, only this time Harry knew that the Modest people had left and he gently and quite gentlemanly untangled her hold on him and led her outside politely to her waiting car. Once she was gone, he sighed with relief and dashed inside and straight out by the pool area. The only people left where Liam and Sophia, Louis and Eleanor, Alex, Brian and two other security.

 

Harry walked towards them.

 

'Hey,' he told his friends. He didn't dare look at Louis. He couldn't! Liam clapped him on the back.

 

'Awesome party mate but we are heading off. Having one last day tomorrow here then we go off to Australia to meet up with Niall for a bit so we'll see you there in a week yeah?' Harry smiled at Liam and hugged him tightly. Then he kissed Sophia.

 

'Thank you so much for coming. See you in Australia.' Liam and Sophia left with two of the security. Louis turned to Eleanor.

 

'Alex and Brian will drive you back to the hotel,' he told her without any further explanation as to why he wasn't going back with her and and she never asked for one. She simply nodded. He kissed her on the cheek and she was off. Suddenly it was just the two of them and it was all very silent. It was just them standing by the pool amidst empty tables and chairs, glasses and bottles and empty plates. Harry was about to open his mouth but Louis shot him a hard look.

 

'I'm going upstairs,' he simply told him, walked past Harry and made his way inside. Harry bit his lip and sighed heavily. He had lost Louis again! And it was all his fault.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys here's another update. Hope you are enjoying the story. All the love, M.

Harry slowly climbed up the stairs, after having switched off all lights on the floor below. He made his way to the bedroom hesitantly, pushed open the door and stepped inside. It was quiet and a little dark. The room's only light was coming from the open door of the bathroom. He saw Louis standing in front of the glass wall looking out at the view of the city below, both his hands in his trouser pockets. He looked different and sexier with trouser pants on instead of his usual skinny jeans. Harry took off his blazer and threw it on the bed than walked towards him and stood behind him. He placed his hands on Louis' hips and pulled him to his chest. He lowered his head and softly kissed him on the side of his neck.

 

'Hey baby,' Harry whispered against the shell of his ear. He kissed behind his ear and let his tongue trail along his earlobe. Louis turned to face him, a scowl visible on his lovely face and glared at Harry. Harry could feel his heart pick up speed. Louis took his face between his hands and pulled him down and kissed him roughly, shoving his tongue inside Harry's mouth uninvited. Harry was taken by surprise at the intrusion but this was Louis, his Louis. Louis pulled back and without any words he began to undo Harry's shirt buttons deftly, slipping the shirt off Harry's shoulders and throwing it on the floor. Instantly, he began kissing Harry again, a little more roughly. Harry placed his hands on Louis' shoulders and gently pushed him back a little.

 

'Lou hey easy we've got all night,' he told him with a smile. Louis placed his hands on Harry's stomach and began walking making Harry walk backwards till the back of his knees found the bed and he had no choice but to sit down. Instantly, Louis straddled his lap, took Harry's face in his hands and kissed him again. Harry held him by his hips as Louis ground down on him. Louis pulled back.

 

'I am not in the mood for fucking easy tonight Harry. Nothing about tonight has been easy,' he growled and once again, crushed his lips to Harry's, his tongue searching Harry's hungrily. Harry could hardly keep up with him. He felt Louis grind down his hips on his and Harry felt his urgency in his movements. Louis placed a hand on Harry's chest and pushed him down on the bed and, still kissing him roughly, his fingers found the button of his pants, popped it open and slid down his zip. Harry caught his hands, holding them gently by the wrist.

 

'Louis calm down. Please,' he told him his voice hoarse, his lips feeling bruised. Louis' face hovered over him as he snatched his hands out of Harry's grip.

 

'I don't want to fucking calm down. Can I just fuck my boyfriend already?' he snapped at Harry. He attacked Harry's lips once again as he slipped his hand inside Harry's boxers and grabbed Harry a little too tightly making him jump. Harry knew well enough that when Louis got very frustrated, he sometimes revolted to rough sex. Louis continued to stroke Harry a little too hard for Harry's liking and it was uncomfortable, the dry drag a little painful.

 

'Lou,' Harry managed to squeak out from between Louis merciless lips but Louis just continued kissing him and fondling him. His lips left Harry's mouth and they made their way down to Harry's neck, till he found a soft spot and began sucking hard. Harry arched his back off the bed and moaned loudly.

 

'Louis,' he said breathlessly, 'Louis don't mark me,' he warned him but Louis ignored him and just continued to suck at Harry's neck harder, making Harry wince at the pinching feeling, his hand still urgently moving inside Harry's boxers.

 

'Louis stop,' Harry said firmly but Louis just ignored him. 'Stop Lou!' Harry told him and pushed him off of him and quickly sat up. Louis looked at him with a smirk on his face.

 

'It's not like as if you don't like it rough Harry,' he spat at him. Harry stared at him for a minute then looked down at his shoes.

 

'In fact I don't,' he told him quietly. Louis stood up and looked down on him.

 

'You never complained before,' he threw him. Harry sighed and looked up at his lover's sweet face, which was not sweet at all at the moment.

 

'I never complained because I know that when you get like this you need to get it out of your system and when you do I end up not walking properly for a day or two. Either that or you have a huge fight with me and end up not talking to me. And I'd rather not walk properly than have you not talking to me.' Harry's voice was soft and deep, not hint of anger. Louis scoffed and laughed sarcastically.

 

'Well excuse me if I am too much for you.' Louis glared at Harry but Harry's eyes were soft on him, his voice low and calm. He hardly ever lost his temper with Louis. He knew how he was.

 

'I didn't say that Lou. Why must you keep fighting me about all this shit? After all I did for you yesterday to show you that you are the only one and how much I love you and...' Louis laughed cutting Harry's words short.

 

'You think a romantic dinner and making love in the pool are enough? She was fucking all over you Harry! She couldn't keep her hands or her lips off you! And you weren't exactly pushing her away either!' Louis yelled at him. Harry winced against Louis angry voice. He knew that this would happen. It was inevitable. He stood up and looked down at Louis.

 

'They had their eyes on me Lou. I had to. You know that! Its what they came for. They needed to see I was doing what they wanted. Possibly can't you see that? What more do you want from me?' Harry asked him desperately. He hated this. He hated that Louis fought him every single time. Louis remained glaring at him, his hands clenched into fists by his side.

 

'What I want is for you to stop fucking lying to me,' he yelled. Harry opened his mouth, surprised at Louis' accusation.

 

'What the hell am I lying to you about Lou?' he asked him hurt. Louis sneered at him.

 

'Did you honestly think I wouldn't see those pictures of you two having lunch and kissing and looking all fucking cozy and in love? I saw the way you were looking at her in those pictures just like you were fucking looking at her tonight,' Louis barked at him. Harry closed his eyes and squeezed the bridge of his nose with his thumb and finger. He hated bearding. This always happened. He took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

 

'Do you seriously think I enjoyed that yesterday? Or tonight? I was nervous and frustrated having her all over me like that knowing they were watching, knowing they expected me to look all loved up with her ! I don't like it Lou! I don't enjoy it! Why can't you understand that? Oh my God Louis! I love YOU! ITS YOU! JUST YOU! I will defy Modest and come out for you if that proves my love for you. I could careless about my career, or fame or what the hell people will think about me. None of this matters if I don't have you! Don't you understand that yet?' Harry looked at him feeling scared and desperate and his heart was beating so fast that he could hear it drumming in his ears and his palms were sweaty and suddenly he felt tired and he just wanted to cry and sleep and not have Louis fight with him anymore about all this shit that had no meaning.

 

'I will never come out,' Louis spat at him angrily. Harry swallowed the lump in his throat. Louis always said that and it hurt really badly. Harry felt defeated.

 

'What must I say huh Louis? You can't even acknowledge your relationship with me. You are scared of what people might say. Almost five years we've been together yet you can't even admit to yourself that you're gay...' Before Louis could stop himself, his hand flashed out and he slapped Harry hard across the cheek.

 

'Don't you ever fucking say I'm gay,' he yelled. 'I'm not gay!' Harry was stunned. His wide, surprised eyes stared at Louis as he raised his hand to his stinging cheek. Louis took a step back away from Harry as soon as he realized what he had just done. He looked at Harry with horror filled eyes. He had hit Harry! Harry swallowed hard and he felt the tears rim his eyes but his eyes never left Louis.

 

'Then what are you doing with me if you're not gay Lou?' he choked out as a tear rolled down his cheek. 'Why are you with me?' Louis felt as if he had been electrocuted, shocked, a live electric current running through his veins. He stood there fixed to the spot unable to believe what he had just done.

 

'Harry...I...I'm...' Harry shook his head at him, still holding his burning cheek.

 

'Leave it Lou,' he told him quietly. 'I'm just going to sleep in another room tonight until you calm down.' Harry walked towards the door, opened it and walked out, softly closing the door behind him. Louis remained rooted to the spot, still trying to process what in the fuck had just happened. Did he just hit Harry? He put his hands over his mouth. He had hit Harry! Out of jealousy and the anger it caused him. He had slapped Harry when all Harry did was love him and put up with all his shit and be patient with him. Louis felt a stab in his heart. How could he treat Harry like this and Harry always stayed and endured and took all that he threw at him and never even raised his voice to him? Because Harry was good and a gentle soul and Louis knew he didn't deserve him and that he was taking him for granted. He kept on hurting him time after time, again and again and Harry took it all because the idiot loved him. Louis sighed heavily. He had to make things right with Harry but what sickened him the most was that he knew that Harry would forgive him without a second thought!

 

He opened the door and walked out into the corridor. The house was quiet and dark. He didn't know which room Harry had chosen to sleep in till he came to the last room and he heard soft music coming from behind the closed door. He walked towards it and put his ear against it. He could hear Adele singing 'Chasing Pavements' and Harry crying. He was sobbing, heart wrenching sobs. Louis rested his forehead against the door. What the fuck had he done?

 

Should I give up,   
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?  
Even if it leads nowhere,  
Or would it be a waste?  
Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?  
Should I give up,  
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?  
Even if it leads nowhere,

Louis put his palm flat out on the door as he listened to Harry sob his heart out. He had made him cry and he knew damn well that he was pushing Harry to his very limits.

 

'No,' he whispered to himself, 'no Harry don't give up on me.' He couldn't let Harry give up on him but he knew that the way he'd been acting was sure to drive Harry away. He slowly turned the door knob and pushed the door open. The room was dark but the back wall which was also all glass over looked the garden and the lights from down there, illuminated the room faintly. He saw Harry sitting on the bed, his head bowed, his feet on the carpet, his shoulders shaking from the crying. He was just sitting there in nothing but his boxers, crying. All because of him. All because he was an ass hole and had hurt him.

 

'Harry,' Louis said softly, stepping into the room and closing the door behind him.

 

'Go away Louis,' Harry told him, his voice shaking but Louis continued to walk inside the room and sat beside him on the bed. He noticed Harry's fingers were clutching the duvet tightly, his knuckles white. Louis gulped.

 

'I...I'm sorry I hit you,' Louis said quietly feeling ashamed of himself. He felt his own tears threatening to fall. How could he have possibly raised a hand to this angel? His mother had not raised him like this and if she knew what he had done, Louis knew she would be mad as hell. Harry sobbed again. Louis wanted to take him in his arms and hug him, comfort him, instead he placed his hand on Harry's bare back but Harry scooted away from him. Louis felt a stab in his heart but he knew that he deserved it. He deserved worse but Harry would never act out.

 

'I...I don't..' Harry stammered in between sobs. 'I don't know what to do anymore. I show you I love you in all ways possible yet you still have to fight me for being fake with a girl just to please management. I hate it as much as you do yet you...you...' Harry sobbed hard. Louis took in a deep breath.

 

'Harry I...' he began but Harry stopped him.

 

'I'm not finished yet,' Harry told him quietly, his deep voice shaking. He lifted his head and looked at Louis and Louis felt his heart break into a million pieces when he saw Harry's beautiful tear streaked face and his gorgeous green eyes all red and puffy. Harry sniffed.

 

'It hurts me that you deny being gay because if you are not gay, then what are you doing with me? What am I to you? What is this that we have? Its as if I don't matter and it worries me that suddenly you might want a girl...'

 

'Harry no, that's not true,' Louis exclaimed.

 

'Its true Lou. I don't know where I am with you. Management makes us hide, you get angry. They put me up with a fake girlfriend, you get upset and take it out on me. I tell you I will come out for us, you hit me. You deny you're gay yet you're fucking me! Its alright for you to fuck me because it makes you feel like a man. Is that why you never let me top Lou? Because if I'm inside you it would make you question your sexuality? You are becoming abusive and you drink too much and then take it all out on me. I can't Lou...' he told him as fresh new sobs wrecked his body. He lowered his head and cried and Louis felt like he wanted to die for putting Harry through all of this because all Harry had just said was true. He couldn't deny anything that Harry had just said.

 

'I'm so so sorry Harry,' Louis told him as his own tears slipped down his cheeks. 'Please Harry let me make it right.' Harry took in a deep shuddering breath.

 

'Its my birthday Lou and you had to hit me?' Harry sobbed. Louis felt his own tears falling. He lifted his hand to touch Harry's face but Harry flinched. Louis pressed his lips together and swallowed hard.

 

'I swear to God I won't ever do it again Harry. I was upset...' Harry looked at him through blurry, teary eyes.

 

'How can you promise you won't do it again? What about the next time I have to fake being someone's boyfriend and you get upset? What then Lou?' Louis moved closer to him and he was grateful that Harry didn't move away this time.

 

'I won't Harry. Please believe me. I feel bad enough that I did it and I can't say enough I'm sorries that would fix what I did. I feel bad sweetheart I really do and I am ashamed of myself that I raised a hand to you. I am a coward Harry. I'm scared of everything.' Harry kept looking at him, his big green eyes full of tears.

 

'I love you so much Louis why do you do this?' he asked him in a broken voice. Louis shook his head. His eyes were full of tears as he looked at Harry. He looked so vulnerable and fragile and he had hurt him. Louis cupped Harry's face in his hands and at the contact with his cheek, Harry winced. Louis bit his lip knowing that he had done that to him.

 

'I don't know why I do what I do Harry. I'm only human and I can't bear to see you with someone. I just can't. I'm so sorry. I know I always say it and then be an asshole to you again but I do love you. Honey I adore you. Yeah I'm confused about my sexuality but I'm with you. I want to be with you. I don't know if I'm ready for the world to know. It's complicated. I am complicated and I am grateful you put up with me. I don't know what I'd do if I lose you.' He moved closer and put his lips gently on Harry's only Harry did not return the kiss. Louis looked up into Harry's eyes as he brushed his tears away.

 

'Let me love you baby. Please. I swear I'll never hurt you again.' Harry closed his eyes against Louis' pleading voice. It made him shiver on the inside. This time when Louis pressed his lips to his, Harry felt his own move against Louis' returning the kiss. Louis pulled him closer, still kissing him softly but when he felt Harry's mouth open just a little, he gently slipped his tongue inside his warm mouth. He kissed him deeper and deeper till he felt his soul pass through his lips and enter Harry's mouth. He cupped the back of Harry's neck holding him in place while with the other hand, he cupped his cheek and with his thumb he gently swiped away at the tears that were still falling from Harry's eyes. Louis pulled back and looked into Harry's eyes.

 

'We don't have to do anything Harry just please let me stay here with you. Just let me hold you yeah? Don't send me away. I can't bear to be away from you.' Harry swallowed hard and sniffed then slowly he raised his hands and with trembling fingers and he began to unbutton Louis' shirt. He kept his eyes down but Louis put his finger under his chin and raised his face to meet his gaze. He had to look into those green eyes. It was where he found his peace, where everything was okay. As Harry continued to unbutton his shirt, Louis stroked the length of his hair with love and affection and extreme tenderness. Harry looked at him through damp lashes, slipping his shirt off his muscled shoulders and let it fall to the floor.

 

'Stand up,' Harry told him quietly. His deep voice gave Louis the shivers. He obeyed and stood up, standing in front of Harry. Harry wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him closer placing soft kisses on his stomach all the way down to the button of his pants. Harry unbuttoned his pants, unzipped his trousers and slid them down his slim legs. Louis stepped out of them. Harry moved back on to the bed, lying on his back, his head on the pillows. Louis climbed on top of him and settled between his long legs supporting himself on his arms. He looked down into Harry's beautiful face, the face of the man he was crazy in love with yet the one that he continued to hurt over and over again. His eyes were puffy and red, his lashes still damp and his cheek where he had hit him was red. Louis felt disgusted with himself for hitting Harry and making him cry, yet here he was beneath him, ready to be loved by him. He bent down and kissed his cheek where he had struck him.

 

'I'm sorry I hit you baby,' he told him as he ground down his hips on him, making Harry moan at the contact. He saw Harry take his bottom lip between his teeth and bite down on it. Louis kissed each of his eyelids very softly.

 

'I'm so sorry for making you cry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I was blinded with jealousy. I know I shouldn't be,' he whispered in a velvet voice and once again ground his hips down on him and was rewarded with a deep groan from Harry who dug his fingers into his lower back. Louis could feel his short nails scraping at his skin. Harry looked up into his eyes.

 

'I know,' he told him, his voice low and thick from crying and Louis felt bad because Harry understood. He understood his rages and his conflicts. He understood his jealousy and his outbursts and he never made Louis feel bad for his actions because Harry knew and understood. Louis leaned down and took Harry's soft lips in a loving kiss, tracing his tongue seductively along his lower lip. Harry arched his back off the bed wanting to find friction with Louis. Louis ground down on him again, once, twice. He placed a kiss in his forehead.

 

'I do love you Harry. I do. Please believe me,' he told him in a quiet whisper.

 

'I know,' Harry said again as a tear slipped out of his eyes. Louis could tell that Harry was still hurt but he also wanted to make up with Louis and feel him close after having to fake and pretend all night. He wanted what was real and Louis was real. Louis was his love and his life and he would never not forgive him because he couldn't live without him.

 

'Baby,' Louis cooed, 'please don't cry. It hurts to know I'm the cause of your tears. I'm an asshole for treating you this way.' He swiped at Harry's tears with his thumb. 'Can I love you Harry? It's okay if you don't want me to honey. We can just cuddle up and sleep if you don't want me to.' Harry shook his head and pulled him closer, tightening his knees round his waist, letting him know he wanted him. Harry always wanted him! Louis felt a rush of emotions surge through him. He looked down at Harry and felt love for him, a deep sense of love and pride. Pride at how this angel was always able to forgive him for being such a jealous, angry prick, for hurting him every single time, yet he still forgave him and never once he pushed him away.

 

Louis removed himself off Harry only just to remove their boxers then he was back topping Harry and when he entered him, he heard Harry gasp loudly and move beneath him. As Louis made love to his man, he realized that he was taking Harry too much for granted and that was never a good thing because sometimes love wasn't enough to keep a person from staying when he kept getting hurt time after time. Louis knew he had to change his ways or he might just end up losing Harry. Even gentle patient people had their limits.

 

'I love you baby,' Louis whispered over and over again as he gently thrust inside Harry. Harry dug his fingers into Louis' lower back and closed his eyes tightly shut.

 

'I love you more,' he whispered and Louis knew that that was nothing but the truth.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I am again with updates. Sorry I did not update yesterday, had to go out but today I bring you two updated which I hope you will like. All the love, M.

Louis woke up to the feeling of warm sun on his skin. He stirred and stretched like a cat feeling relaxed and well rested. He opened one eye and quickly closed it again. Sunlight flooded the room and the bright light hurt his still sleepy eyes. The thing with glass walls is that if you forget to close the blinds, the light just floods and bursts into the room. He gave another attempt at opening his eyes, slowly letting them adjust to the bright sunlight.

 

He slowly turned his head to the side and saw Harry, sleeping naked on his stomach, his face away from him, his long hair sprawled on the pillow, his dark tattoos standing out against his pale creamy skin. He was so beautiful! Louis smiled to himself, a sad little smile because all that happened yesterday came creeping back into his memory, making his heart ache all over again. How could he be so cruel to Harry? He couldn't understand why he was always such a dick head to him. He knew he loved Harry so much that it hurt yet this relationship confused him, he confused himself and that was hurting Harry.

 

Harry had done nothing but been understanding of the whole 'fake girlfriend' situation and even though it hurt him, Louis knew that he never gave him any grief about it. Louis knew it pained Harry to see him with Eleanor because there were times when Harry had cried out his frustrations in his arms while Louis had held him and reassured him that he was the only one, that Eleanor was nothing to him and Harry had believed him and Harry had trusted him because Harry loved him unconditionally and knew that it had to be done for the sake of their relationship. He had endured four years of it and now he was going to have to endure some more but Harry never took out his frustrations on him. Unlike him and his jealousy! He had no reserve about taking out his frustrations on Harry and that was not right. Harry was always calm about it and Harry was understanding of the situation and Harry did what was right for their relationship even though it killed him inside. So why couldn't he do the same for him? Be calm and understanding and not fight him? Because you're an obnoxious prick, his subconscious screamed at him!

 

Louis sighed and reached for Harry's phone which was on the bedside table next to him, to see what time it was. The display shone a brightly lit up 9:05 am, against the background of a selfie of the two of them, smiling happily. Louis rolled over towards Harry and propped himself up on his elbow, admiring the masterpiece that was Harry Styles, a masterpiece that was his and his only. With his index finger, he softly traced a line from the base of Harry's neck, down his spine and ended at his lower back. Harry shifted slightly but did not wake. Louis smiled to himself. He leaned over and began placing kisses along the trail his finger had just made. He moved Harry's hair out of the way to expose his neck and started at the nape of Harry's neck kissing slowly and softly down his spine on his warm skin. Harry moaned and Louis smiled against his skin and continued kissing his way down till he was at the very base of his spine. Then ever so gently, he bit down on the skin of his bum cheek.

 

'Lou!' Harry whined in his deep, raspy voice. Louis chuckled as he placed a kiss where he had just bit him. Then he moved up again and placed a kiss on Harry's cheek.

 

'Good morning sunshine,' he whispered in his ear. He saw Harry's lips twitch into a small smile but his eyes remained closed.

 

'Hmmm,' Harry breathed. Louis chuckled again and playfully smacked Harry on the bum.

 

'Louis!' he groaned out, 'what the fuck?' Louis laughed, got off the bed and pulled on his boxers.

 

'Be down in 15 minutes,' he told him, 'I'm making you breakfast.' Louis walked out of the room and headed to their original bedroom where their luggage was. He opened his suitcase and pulled out a pair of shorts and pulled them up over his boxers. He padded downstairs barefoot whistling quietly to himself. The house was empty and quiet, still a little messy from the party last night. Louis went into the kitchen, made some space on the counter, removing empty bottles and glasses and began working on his task to make Harry breakfast.

 

A few minutes later, Harry came downstairs to 'Sex is on Fire' by Kings of Leon playing loudly and the smell of food. He walked barefoot into the kitchen wearing only his bright yellow shorts, his long hair pulled up in a messy bun. He rubbed his sleepy eyes and smiled broadly when he saw Louis busy in the kitchen, his hips moving to Kings of Leon.

 

'Good morning,' Harry told him, still smiling and still rubbing his sleepy eyes. Louis turned around and paused to catch his breath. The sight of Harry, in just them yellow shorts, that messy hair, rubbing his eyes and yawning made his insides flutter but his smile soon slid off his face when he saw the reddish mark on Harry's cheekbone where his finger had collided with his bone. He walked over to him and pulled out a stool from under the kitchen island.

 

'Sit down,' he told him in a quiet voice. Harry sat and looked up at Louis, sleepy eyes and smiling softly. Louis raised his fingers to Harry's cheek but did not touch it.

 

'Does it hurt?' he asked him in a subdued voice. It pained him to know that he had done that to him. More so that he did it out of jealousy and anger which was uncalled for. Harry shrugged.

 

'Don't worry bout it Lou. What worries me is this,' he told him pointing at his neck to a red purplish love bite. 'I told you not to mark me,' Harry pouted. 'We'll get into trouble for this you know that.' Louis covered his mouth to hide his smile.

 

'I'm sorry love,' he told him from behind his fingers still grinning. Harry rolled his eyes.

 

'Sure you are,' he told him. 'Sometimes you are like an Alpha male wanting to mark your territory!' Louis leaned in and placed a soft kiss on the love bite and another on his hurt cheek.

 

'Breakfast?' he asked him as he went round the kitchen island back to where he was previously working at the kitchen counter.

 

'You cooked?' Harry asked him skeptically. Louis turned around to face him and raised an eyebrow at him.

 

'As a matter of fact I have. Why must you be a shit about it?' he asked him playfully. Harry laughed.

 

'Because you don't know how to cook Lou. You burn boiling water!' Louis scowled at him, handing him a bowl of fresh fruit chopped up into bite size pieces and a glass of orange juice.

 

'We'll see shit head,' he told him, winking at him and going over to the stove. 'Sex on Fire' started up again. Harry chuckled.

 

'You have this on replay? Really Lou?' he asked him putting some sliced banana into his mouth. He saw Louis' shoulders shrug.

 

'Better than your bloody 'Love Me Like You Do' song,' Louis teased him. Harry smiled as he took a sip of orange juice. He wondered why couldn't they always be like this? Why couldn't Louis always be like this? Happy and carefree? Why did he have to be mean and nasty sometimes? Without knowing, Harry touched his cheek, the one where Louis had slapped him. Yes it throbbed a little but the emotional pain behind it was worse than the physical pain of it yet he didn't want Louis to know the depth of the effect that that single slap had had on him.

 

Harry took another piece of fruit, popped it into his mouth and chewed slowly. He looked at Louis cursing at the pan he was holding over the burner. Didn't he know the extent of his love for him? Why did he always have to be angry at him when he had to be seen in public with female celebrities who posed as his girlfriends? He had to know that he was the only one he loved and wanted right? And why did he always have to hurt him by throwing at him that he wasn't gay? It made Harry wonder many times how Louis could say he wasn't gay yet be with him. Sometimes Harry felt like he was something Louis was experimenting with but then he'd mentally scold himself because they were nearing their fifth anniversary together and Louis was still with him. Harry looked down at his engagement ring and touched it. Louis had given him that ring three years ago. He had told him it was their secret engagement. Harry had wanted to get him one too but Louis had declined telling him that if he wore an engagement ring everyone would assume that he was engaged to Eleanor. Harry sighed heavily.

 

He felt sad that Louis got mad at him, that he was drinking more and was, up until yesterday only verbally abusive. What if he became physically abusive? Harry shook his head. No, not Louis! Louis had been raised right and he had promise that he wouldn't do it again. Besides, Harry thought, he had every right to be upset yesterday because he could've handled Nadine better. Louis was right, they had been all over each other and maybe he had deserved that slap because Louis must've felt really bad and like he was being cheated on.

 

'A penny for your thoughts,' Louis told him and Harry was started out of his disturbing and worrying thoughts. He looked up at Louis who was walking towards him with two plates in his hands. He pushed one towards Harry. Harry looked down at his plate which held scrambled eggs, sausages and toast. He smiled at Louis.

 

'Wow look at you Jamie Oliver!' he told him trying to stifle a laugh and not sound sarcastic. Louis sat down on the stool next to him and gave him the bitch face.

 

'Shut up and eat your breakfast. Don't know what you'd do if I didn't take care of you. I have been taking care of you since you were sixteen!' he told him, stuffing his mouth with eggs. Harry laughed.

 

'Well you were eighteen so technically as an adult you had to take care of me. I was just a child.' Louis paused mid way with his fork to his mouth.

 

'Are you implying that I fell in love with a minor? Jesus Haz you make that sound so wrong,' Louis told him, feigning disgust. He tucked his fork into his mouth. Harry seemed to be thinking then looked at Louis with a smile on his face

 

'Well technically, I was an under age boy so yeah you corrupted my innocence,' he told him chuckling. Louis put his fork down and turned in his stool to face Harry.

 

'Really? Because as I recall you were the one who seduced me first, flipping that curly hair of yours around, flashing that dimpled smile and green shining eyes...' Louis trailed off as he kept staring at Harry. He took in a deep shuddering breath. 'God I fell for you hard didn't I?' Harry leaned closer to him, his lips inches away from Louis'.

 

'And I will always catch you love,' he told him softly. Harry kissed him gently. He pulled away, smiled at Louis and continued to eat his breakfast. Louis just kept looking at him as if in awe. The lovely boy he had fallen in love with when Harry was just 16, now a man of 21, yet still like a goofy little boy with his ridiculous jokes that no one got, his wide eyed excitement and his pure heart. Harry was very kind hearted, sensitive and loved without reserve and Louis knew he was an asshole to him. Harry looked up at Louis and found him still staring at him.

 

'What?' he asked him, a small grin on his face. 'Okay so breakfast wasn't that bad. Well done Chef Louis.' Louis gave him a smile.

 

'I love you babe. I'll always take care of you.' Harry nodded.

 

'I love you more,' Harry whispered. 'So what do you want to do today?' Harry asked him tucking into his food again. Louis sighed and pushed away his empty plate.

 

'Nothing. I just want a day with you by the pool, swimming, sun bathing and making love to my amazing man. Is that okay?' Harry blushed but nodded and smiled.

 

'Sounds good,' Harry told him, 'but at 10 the cleaning crew are coming round to clean up the place so we're not exactly going to be alone.' Louis winked at him.

 

'Guess we'll just have to wait till they're gone then won't we? Finish up your breakfast Haz,' Louis told him, sliding off the stool and carrying his empty plate to the sink.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And as promised, here is chapter 13. Thank you for all the reads, the comments and thank you to those who come chat to me. You are priceless. All the love, M.

For the rest of the morning and the afternoon, Louis and Harry just lazed by the pool in the sun, swimming, relaxing and talking while the cleaning crew went through the house cleaning up the place ad setting everything back to it's original order. Louis looked at Harry who was lying on his stomach on his sun bed, his nose in his phone.

 

'Haz what are you doing playing with your phone?' Louis asked him curiously. Harry shrugged.

 

'Just looking through Twitter,' he told him his eyes still glued to his phone. Louis smiled fondly at him.

 

'Are you stalking the girls again?' he asked him in a mocking tone. Harry grinned, popping a dimple in his cheek.

 

'I like to see what our fans tweet to me or what they're trending. It's like they rule Twitter. They are always trending something about us. Did you know there are four hash tags about us at the moment and two of them are trending?'

 

'Really?' Louis asked him curiously. Harry nodded.

 

'There's uhm #nadineharryistaken....'

 

'I love our girls,' Louis cut him off a wide smile on his face. 'They are so fucking on point. Do you think Nadine will see that?' Harry scowled at him.

 

'Shut up. That's trending for real and you don't want to read what they're tweeting about Nadine. Apparently Hadine is not acceptable and not real!'

 

'I agree with the girls,' Louis told him proudly, 'not acceptable and definitely not fucking real!' Harry scoffed.

 

'Whatever,' he told him, 'then there's #cantwaitforotra that is trending too. That's about the tour. They are looking forward to the shows and are so excited. Then there's #larryisrealaf and #louisandharryinla. Those two are about you and me. Some of the Tweets here you'd think the girls are insiders. How do they know these things?' Harry asked Louis. Louis shrugged.

 

'Real eyes realize real lies I guess and our girls just see everything. They're not just fans, they're dedicated. They're family. They are just amazing.' Harry looked at Louis.

 

'Sometimes I wish I could just follow a few or tweet them something or just talk to them. Imagine how happy they would be.' Louis sat up and swung his legs down off the sun bed.

 

'You know we can't do that Haz. We've been told about that.' Harry continued to scroll through his Twitter.

 

'Some of them are just so nice. I mean look at this one @samiksha_somh she just tweeted me good morning and how I am and if we are having a good time on our week off? And @iiyahcantal just wants me to follow her. I wish I could just....'

 

'Yeah,' Louis cut him off, 'and while you're tweeting and following, maybe we should post a selfie #wearelovingla #havinglotsofsexwithmybf and see how that will work out.' Harry looked at him with bright eyes and a wicked smile.

 

'Imagine the girls. Bet they would start trending #larryweknewit.' They both laughed then Harry turned serious again. 'Still,' Harry told him, 'it would be nice to do something for them sometime. They do so much for us, like keeping us out of this damn closet we are in.' Louis got up and kissed the top of Harry's head.

 

'I know baby, I wish we could and maybe one day, when all of this is behind us and One Direction is no more, maybe we would be free to do it. You want another beer love?' Louis asked him. Harry nodded, remaining face down on the sun bed scrolling through more tweets. Louis shook his head at him and went into the kitchen, taking two beers out of the fridge. He walked back to their spot by the pool and touched the bottom of the beer bottle to Harry's back making him jump at the coldness of the bottle against his hot skin.

 

'Lou!' he complained. Louis laughed and handed him the bottle.

 

'Harry you are getting sun burnt. Your skin is too pale for this much sun.'

 

'I'm fine,' Harry mumbled into the towel beneath him. Louis sighed and picked up a bottle of factor 50+ sunscreen. He straddled Harry's waist and sat on his bum. Harry smiled when he felt Louis' weight on him, pushing him into the thin mattress beneath him.

 

'Lou what are you doing?' he asked him still smiling. Louis shook the bottle and squirted a generous amount of sunscreen in his palm.

 

'I am taking care of you honey like I always do and make sure you don't get sun burnt. I don't want you getting skin cancer,' he told him matter of factly as he began working the sunscreen into Harry's shoulders and back.

 

'Hmm,' Harry moaned, 'that feels so good Lou.' Louis smiled to himself. He knew exactly what he was doing.

 

'Does it now?' he asked him as he slowed down his hands and deepened his massage on Harry's shoulder blades and spine, digging his fingers in the tight knots. Harry moaned again when he felt the pressure of Louis' fingers moving slowly and deeply into his skin, not to mention the feeling of having Louis sit on his bum, pressing him down into the soft mattress of the sun bed beneath him. Harry dropped the phone on to the sun bed and lay his head down, closing his eyes. Louis continued to massage Harry's back, moving his hands down to his lower back, increasing pressure. He rocked hips back and forth, grinding down on Harry's bum. Harry's eyes flew open.

 

'Lou there are people around,' Harry warned him. Louis shrugged even though Harry couldn't see him.

 

'I don't really give a fuck,' he told him continuing to massage Harry's back and grinding his hips down on Harry's bum again. He knew Harry could feel his semi. Harry lifted himself on his elbows and looked back at Louis over his shoulder.

 

'Louis please we are not alone,' he told him quietly. Louis huffed and threw his hands in the air in annoyance.

 

'Okay fine,' he told him, getting up off of him. 'Can they just leave already? I'm dying to get you alone.' He picked up his beer bottle and took a swig. 'Don't think you killed my mood babe. I'm just getting started with you.' he told him, sitting back down on his sun bed. Harry sat up and swung his long legs off the sun bed.

 

'Fuck,' he mumbled as he looked down at his groin and struggled with his shorts. Louis looked at him and laughed.

 

'Aww baby did I give you a hard on? We can go upstairs if you need a hand with that,' he told him winking at him. Harry shot him a look.

 

'Shut up Lou!' Harry stood up and tried to fix himself from the uncomfortable tight bulge in his shorts. Louis kept looking at him with a funny smirk on his face but fondness in his eyes. Harry met his gaze.

 

'What?' he asked him.

 

'You're so cute when you're flustered and horny,' Louis told him. 'Maybe I could just #harryishotandhornyaf! And see how our girls react to that huh?' Harry couldn't help but smile down at him. He loved it when Louis was in a good, playful mood and relaxed. He picked up his beer bottle and took a long pull. His phone rang, 'Love Me Like You Do' breaking the silence. Louis rolled his eyes dramatically.

 

'For fuck's sake Haz change that damn tune,' he told him, taking another swig of his beer. Harry picked up his phone, looked at the screen and froze. He could feel himself paling. His eyes went from the phone to Louis and stayed locked into his. Louis looked back, his eyes asking a silent question which Harry understood.

 

'Its...its uhm...Nadine,' he told him quietly. He saw Louis' jaw clench hard.

 

'Well answer it,' Louis told him, trying to keep his tone as neutral as possible. Harry sat down next to him and swiped his phone.

 

'Nadine hey,' he said into the phone yet keeping his eyes on Louis who was looking right back at him. Harry placed his hand on Louis bare thigh and with his thumb rubbed comforting circles into his skin. Harry was just listening, nodding every now and then. After a few minutes, he said:

 

'Okay I'll see you later then.' He ended his phone call and kept looking at Louis.

 

'Well?' Louis finally asked him when he saw that Harry was just going to sit there and stare at him all day. Harry felt nervous and worried and yes a little scared. He knew well enough how Louis reacted where Nadine was concerned.

 

'She uhm...called me to uhm...to...' Louis rolled his eyes again.

 

'Jesus fucking Christ Harry spit it out already!' Harry looked down at his feet. He hated this!

 

'I have to uhm go to a show, a uhm modelling show.' Harry stopped. He didn't dare look at Louis. He could feel his heart beating very fast and he braced himself for Louis' outburst of anger, curses and verbal abuse. Another fight. He didn't want that. They were having a great day and he just wanted to stay here with him but management had other plans for him and he couldn't say no.

 

'A Victoria's Secret modelling show?' Louis asked him his voice low, the kind of voice that sounded like low rumbling. Harry nodded, keeping his eyes fixed on his feet. A few minutes ticked by and they remained in silence. He knew that Louis was going to explode any minute. Louis felt the anger build inside him along with a string of profanities and a shit load of verbal abuse he wanted to throw at Harry. Harry slowly looked up at Louis but Louis was not looking at him. His eyes were fixed on the beer bottle in his hands.

 

'Please don't be angry with me or....or....its not my fault Louis. They arranged it and I have to go. I don't have a choice...' Harry said, keeping his eyes on Louis. Louis lifted his eyes and looked at Harry and when he did, he sucked in a breath as soon as he realized that Harry looked scared! Harry was scared of him! Yes for the past few minutes he had been mentally calming himself down, fighting the urge to yell at him and take out his damn jealousy on Harry but when he looked up into his face and he saw fear there, he hated himself for making Harry be scared of him. He couldn't have Harry be scared of him! Louis realized what Harry's 'or' meant. Harry hadn't forgotten last night's slap! Louis bit his lip and carefully extended his hand slowly and placed it on Harry's cheek. He didn't miss Harry's flinch. His subconscious was telling him to calm down and not direct all his anger towards Harry, that Harry wasn't to blame here. It wasn't Harry's fault. Harry was just following orders. He swallowed it all down the best he could and gave Harry a feeble smile.

 

'Its okay Harry. I know you have to and please don't be scared of me...' Harry opened his mouth to protest but Louis put his finger on his lips to silence him. 'Harry I saw the way you looked at me just now. You were expecting the worse from me and that's all my fault. I haven't exactly been easy on you and I gave you a reason to be afraid of me but Haz, what happened last night will not happen again. I swear to you. Please believe me.' Harry let go a breath he didn't even know he had been holding. He covered Louis' hand with his own and squeezed it tightly.

 

'Don't doubt my love for you Louis. Please don't. There is no reason for you to doubt my love for you,' Harry pleaded. Louis sighed and looked back down at his beer bottle.

 

'Only if you promise not to be scared of me.' Harry chewed on his bottom lip for a second then nodded but he didn't promise him anything. He couldn't make a promise he couldn't keep because deep down Louis' temper and moods scared him and yesterday Louis had taken it to another level. He knew it was a great effort on Louis' behalf to be okay with this and he appreciated that he was trying but it also worried him because if Louis didn't vent his anger, it would only grow and fester inside him until breaking point.

 

'I have to call Alex and Brain. I need a suit,' he told him, giving Louis a small smile. Harry was not stupid. He could feel the heavy tension between them, suffocating them both. Louis gave him a curt not and Harry dialed Alex. Louis watched him as he talked on the phone, telling Alex the type of suit he needed and his plans for later that night. He was so beautiful and Louis didn't like to share him or have him borrowed, fake or not he didn't like it. Fucking Modest! For all this shit. But then again Louis reasoned with himself, if Modest! ever allowed them to come out he was never going to do that. He wished he could but something was holding him back. He hated this constant battle with Modest! and with Harry but if he had to be truly honest, the biggest battle he was fighting was with himself and his sexuality.

 

'Lou did you hear me?' Harry asked him. Louis blinked and looked at Harry.

 

'Sorry I was thinking,' he told him a little irritation slipping out in his tone. Harry looked into his eyes.

 

'I need to go and start getting ready. I need to leave in two hours.' Louis nodded and looked down and away from Harry. Harry scooted closer to Louis, put his finger under his chin and raised his face forcing him to meet his gaze.

 

'I love you,' Harry told him, emphasizing the words. 'You are what matters in my life, nothing else. Okay?' Louis nodded. He couldn't speak from the lump choking him in his throat. He hated that Harry had to go...to her! She was going to be all over him again tonight. He hated her so fucking much.

 

'Are you sure you're not mad at me?' Harry asked him. Louis placed his hand on the back of Harry's neck and pulled him down to him, giving him a long loving kiss. When he pulled back, he looked Harry straight in the eyes.

 

'Mine,' he whispered against his lips.

 

'Yours,' Harry replied without doubt or hesitation.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay well since I've been shit at updating, here's another one for ya. Hope you like it. All the love, M.

Louis stood in the open doorway of the bedroom and lightly knocked on the wooden frame. Harry turned from the full size mirror and smiled at Louis, trying to gauge Louis' temper by the look on his face but his face gave nothing away. He looked like a beautiful cherub carved out of marble.

 

'Can I come in?' Louis asked him eyeing Harry in his black suit. God he was gorgeous and that bitch was going to enjoy him tonight. Louis felt his anger coil in him like a snake ready to spring. But he knew that he had to do this for Harry. He had to 'allow' this for Harry's sake. He had to be good ad patient and understanding but it was so hard when his boy stood there all decked out in a black suit going to meet his fake ass girlfriend. It didn't sit well in Louis' veins or heart or mind.

 

'Lou you don't need to ask permission to enter. This is your bedroom too,' Harry told him giving him a smile. Louis walked in and sat on the edge of the bed, his shoulders slumped.

 

'Are you okay?' Harry asked him. Harry was always so concerned about him. He worried too much. Louis swallowed thickly and forced a smile that he hoped looked real and genuine.

 

'Yes Harry I'm okay. Will you stop asking me every five seconds?' he said in his cheeriest fake voice. However, Harry could see that Louis was far from okay but Harry appreciated his effort. Louis kept his eyes on Harry not able to look away. It had been a while since he had last seen Harry in a suit and he couldn't deny that he was sexy as fuck! He wanted to rip it off of him and just take him right there on the floor in the middle of the room in front of the mirror. Louis felt his groin tighten at the idea. Damn it!

 

'Armani huh?' Louis told him instead still eyeing his suit and the discarded Armani bag on the floor. He looked so fucking hot. The dress pants nicely fit down his very long legs perfectly which stopped just over his black boots making his long legs look longer, a black shirt buttoned up to the collar and black jacket with satin lapels. He had a satin sash round his waist. His hair was down hanging on his shoulders in soft curls and it was so unfair that Louis couldn't accompany him to the show. It was unfair that tomorrow the tabloids and celebrity magazines and social media will post pictures of him attending his girlfriend's show and praising him on being the supportive boyfriend and how in love they were with each other. It was so unfair that he had to be a secret while someone else got to enjoy Harry. Harry smiled awkwardly at him and Louis felt his head swim because he couldn't stop falling for Harry time and time again.

 

'It's not that comfortable. I miss my jeans and t-shirt,' he told him. Louis swallowed. He knew that Harry was down playing it for his benefit so he wouldn't upset him. Louis grinned at him even though it felt like a grimace and Harry probably noticed.

 

'So an underwear show huh? She's desperate to get into your pants,' Louis told him, his voice quiet. He mentally scolded himself for saying that to Harry. Why had he to say it? Why couldn't he just shut the fuck up and trust Harry? He was meant to show Harry that he trusted him, that he was supporting him and understanding this charade. Harry could see the immense effort Louis was making not to snap and be angry and yell at him. He walked over to him and sat beside him but Louis kept his gaze on the floor.

 

'Lou look at me,' Harry told him, his voice deep and gentle. Louis looked up and met Harry's beautiful green eyes. Harry took his hand and laced their fingers together.

 

'The only person I want inside my pants is you. Don't do this to yourself baby. Don't torture yourself with these thoughts. Please I'm never going to belong to anyone else. She can walk around in her underwear all day for all I care. They don't do anything for me. I like your boxers better,' he told him winking at him and squeezing his hand. Louis kept looking at him, feeling his eyes tear up, a huge lump stuck in his damn throat. He squeezed Harry's hand back.

 

'Remember I loved you first Harry,' he told him in a soft whisper. Harry flashed him his dimpled smile.

 

'Lou you are all of my firsts. My first crush, my first love, my first relationship, my first sexual experience, my first happiness. You are my first, my last and all the in between. Just please don't hurt yourself with needless thoughts about me with some girl Modest! hook me up with to hide what we have. It's not worth it baby.' Louis bit his lip because he felt like he was going to cry. It hurt to much to let him go, to know he was out with someone else. He didn't give a fuck if it was fake or not and the thought of Nadine parading in front of him in her underwear and angel wings was making him crazy jealous. He took in a deep shuddering breath trying to calm the turmoil inside of him.

 

'Will you be long?' he asked him. Harry got up off the bed and straightened his suit.

 

'I don't know. You know how it is with these functions. The before the show drinks, the show then the after show drinks. Don't wait up for me okay. Just rest Lou. And if you want to call or text me just do that okay. You might even help distract me from a boring underwear show that does nothing for me at all. It will take a lot of effort on my behalf to look interested and smile.' He grinned at Louis and Louis gave him a small smile. Harry took one last look in the mirror, pocketed his phone and walked over to Louis again.

 

'I love you,' he told him as he bent down and placed a soft kiss on his lips. As he was pulling back, Louis grabbed the lapels of his suit jacket, pulled him down and kissed him again. He kissed him as if it were the last time he was seeing him, as if Harry was walking out the door and leaving him instead of going to some crappy underwear show to watch his fake girlfriend prance around and satisfy Modest! When he pulled back, he looked into Harry's eyes.

 

'I love you remember that. I love you very much.' Harry kissed him again, a little longer and a little deeper then walked away from him. Louis watched as Harry walked out the bedroom and remained sitting on the bed, looking at the floor till he heard the car start up and drive away. Then the house was silent. He got up and went downstairs and straight into the kitchen. He opened the cupboard and pulled out a bottle of Jamesons. Louis smiled.

 

'Guess its just you and me tonight James!'

 

When Harry returned it was well past 3 am! He was worried and a hundred different scenarios had been playing through his head throughout the night. When he saw that he had gotten no text from Louis, he had text him a couple of times but had gotten no reply. During the break, he had called him but his phone had gone straight to voice mail. Harry couldn't help the thoughts that wrecked his mind: was Louis purposely not answering him? Was he angry with him? Did he finally snap? Was he going to fight with him when he got home? Was he upset because he was staying too long out? Was he going to hit him again? Harry just wanted to leave this damned show and party and go home to Louis. To his Louis that was hurting.

 

Now as he got out of the car and dashed inside, he didn't know what to expect. His heart was thumping painfully against his ribs as he went into the kitchen looking for Louis.

 

'Lou,' he called out but he got no answer. He went out by the pool but Louis wasn't there either. Harry began turning lights off as he made his way upstairs. His heart was ramming against his ribs so fast and hard that it hurt his chest. The landing upstairs was dark as was the corridor. Harry made his way to their bedroom. He pushed the door open. The room was dark, the only light was from two wall scones across the room by the bathroom door. Louis was on the bed, asleep. Harry exhaled and felt himself relax a little. At least there wasn't going to be another yelling match tonight.

 

He walked over to the bed next to Louis and the toe of his boot hit something. Harry bent down to pick up the object and when he picked it up, it was an almost empty bottle of Jamesons. Harry bit his lip as pain ripped through his heart.

 

'Oh Lou,' he murmured, removing the fringe off of Louis' face. That's why he didn't text or answer his phone then. Harry looked down at the bottle in his hands. This was Louis' escape from this harsh reality, his way of coping with things he couldn't control. He drank himself blind to escape the pain for a while. For Louis, oblivion was better than having to deal with this pain. Harry put the bottle on his bedside table and began undressing. Once he was out of that damned suit and in just his boxers he climbed on the bed beside Louis. Louis shifted in his sleep and raised his head a little not opening his eyes.

 

'Harry?' he slurred.

 

'I'm here love,' Harry told him as he pulled him to his chest. Louis curled his knees up against Harry's thighs and buried his face in his chest, curling in on himself. Harry wrapped his arms around him and pulled him closer, Louis feeling so small in his arms.

 

'Harry...' Louis slurred again.

 

'I'm here baby,' Harry replied.

 

'Harry I love you.' Louis never opened his eyes. Harry kissed the top of his head, feeling his heart go out to Louis who had to drown out his misery by drinking himself blind.

 

'I love you more,' Harry whispered against his hair. He closed his eyes and fell asleep holding tightly to the love of his life who was slowly slipping away from him.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys its update day!!! Ready for 2 more chapters? Or 3? I do hope you are enjoying this story. A little feedback would be nice, just so I know what you think. Enjoy. All the love, M.

The rest of the week was pretty much of the same for Louis and Harry. Swimming, relaxing, sleeping in, cooking, making love and Louis drinking himself blind every time Harry had to make an appearance with Nadine. Whenever Harry came home, he found him passed out on their bed and Harry always held him and loved him the best he could hoping that Louis would stop doing this to himself, that he would see that there was nobody else Harry wanted but him. Harry hated that Louis was having a hard time dealing with his breading and he wanted it to stop. He had never liked how management always tried to make him look like a womanizer, like a man-whore. It had always been this way and Harry hated it with a passion and he wished that Louis knew and believed how much he hated this. Harry's heart broke a little every time that Louis got drunk because of this, to hide away from it and not see it or face it.

 

Harry took the blame for Louis' drinking problem upon himself even though he knew it wasn't entirely his fault. He had tried to talk to Louis about the problem these past few days while they were alone, trying to reason with him that it wasn't necessary for him to drink too much but Louis always shrugged the discussion away and it worried Harry that he was so non-chalant about it. Louis chose to ignore it, telling Harry that his drinking was within limit, that he was fine, that he had it under control and that he should lighten up a little and stop worrying so much. But Harry could see that Louis' drinking problem was nowhere near the limit and that Louis was not fine and that he did not have it under control.

 

Harry had been aware of Louis' efforts all week. Every time he had to be seen with Nadine, Louis had put up a carefully guarded front. He'd smile and say he was fine, that it was all good and that he understood what Harry needed to do but Harry knew that he was not fine at all, that it was all fake and that he was hiding behind easy smiled for Harry's sake but Harry knew. He wasn't stupid. During these past five years he had gotten to know Louis very well and he could read him like an open book. His "relationship" with Nadine was killing him and eating him up inside. Harry never mistook the hard look on Louis' face when he saw pictures of him and Nadine on Twitter holding hands and kissing in public. It was a look of pain, hurt, anger and frustration.

 

Harry felt so bad for him and he desperately wanted to make him see that there was no need for him to be hurt and in pain and drink because Nadine meant absolutely nothing to him. Nobody meant anything to him but Louis! He needed him to understand and know that! But Louis was choosing to close himself off, preferring to keep his real emotions hidden behind that beautiful fake smile. He could fool the entire world but not Harry. Or the fans! Harry could never really thank the fans enough for always insisting Larry was real and seeing through the bullshit! They could see that Nadine was just another beard, so how did Louis not see it? The fans were all over Twitter tweeting about how fake "Hadine" is and how Larry is real. In a way, he was grateful to them because their relationship was out there because of them! The fans made their closet a little less wood and more made of glass.

 

The real Louis came through when Harry didn't need to be "seen" with Nadine. When he got to keep Harry all to himself, Louis was happy and he genuinely smiled and laughed, he was relaxed and in a good mood. Louis then was a different person. He was the Louis Harry knew since he was sixteen. Harry wanted that Louis everyday, to be happy and at ease, to stop worrying and thinking thoughts that hurt him but Louis was a complicated complication, HIS complicated complication because Harry knew what hurt Louis, what made Louis vulnerable. Whenever Louis' intoxicated, he talks and says things that he holds back when he's sober. And Harry knew only too well that Louis was hiding everything beneath the surface for him, so Harry wouldn't worry or be afraid of him losing his temper.

 

Harry looked across the table at Louis who was squinting in the sun, sitting in a chair, his legs stretched out before him. He looked relaxed and gorgeous. A week in L.A had done wonders for his appearance. His skin was tanned a golden bronze, his hair was a little lighter and his eyes have never been any bluer. Harry couldn't help but feel like he was falling in love with him all over again. Louis looked at him.

 

'Stop staring you creep,' Louis called him out him playfully, 'and close your mouth unless you want to drool all over yourself.' He chuckled. Harry laughed.

 

'I can't help it! You're hot!' Harry admitted shyly. Louis smirked at him, loving how after all this time he could still make Harry shy.

 

'I am aren't I?' he told him and winked at him. Harry got up and walked towards him. He stood between his legs, placed his hands on either side of him on the arm rests of the chair and bent at the waist, bringing his lips inches away from Louis'.

 

'All mine,' he breathed against his lips. Louis smiled up at him.

 

'All yours.' Harry moved closer, their lips almost touching when they heard a cough. Harry straightened and looked towards the patio doors.

 

'Hey Alex. Hey Brian,' Harry greeted them happily while taking his seat back on the chair across from Louis. Louis rolled his eyes and took a swig of beer.

 

'Great fucking timing you guys have really,' he scoffed, grinning at them. Alex and Brain sat in the other two empty chairs.

 

'Sorry for disturbing you two love birds but we were just faxed the flight details for your trip to Australia.'

 

'Oh how lovely,' Louis said sarcastically, while taking another drink of beer. Harry looked at Brian and Alex.

 

'Can I get you guys something?' he asked them, getting up. They shook their heads.

 

'No Harry we're fine thanks,' Alex told him. Harry sat back down again.

 

'So what about the flights?' Harry asked them. Brain opened an envelope and pulled out some papers.

 

'Okay,' he began taking a sheet from the small pile. 'Louis you leave tomorrow morning at seven in the morning and Harry you leave Sunday evening at...'

 

'Wait hold up,' Louis interrupted Brian. 'We are going on two separate flights?' Brian nodded.

 

'Its what Modest....'

 

'I don't give a fuck what Modest! fucking wants. I'm flying with him.' Alex and Brain exchanged nervous glances. Harry kept his eyes locked on Louis. Here we go, he thought. He could see that this was going to be the icing on the cake for Louis. He had been wanting to vent for a whole week now and here was his chance and by the look on his face, he was going to take it.

 

'Louis you know you can't,' Alex told him calmly.

 

'Oh I can't?' Louis asked laughing sarcastically. 'Just fucking watch me. I am flying with Harry, or Harry will fly with me which ever fucking way but we are going to Australia together.' Harry leaned forward in his chair.

 

'Lou....' he began but Louis glared at him.

 

'Harry don't you fucking even start with me okay. I've had it with this shit. What's wrong with fucking flying together? We are going to the same place for God's sake!' Brian took in a deep breath.

 

'Louis you know the rules c'mon man.' Louis turned to him and slammed down his beer bottle on the table.

 

'I really don't give a shit about the rules Modest! expect us to follow. This is fucking stupid....'

 

'Louis calm down,' Harry told him softly. Louis landed his eyes on Harry and Harry winced internally at the angry look in his eyes.

 

'Are you fucking okay with this?' he yelled at him. Harry looked down at his hands in his lap.

 

'No Lou of course I'm not,' he told him quietly.

 

'Then we are fucking flying together tomorrow morning okay. Modest! can just go fuck themselves for all I care. I'm tired of their shit.' He sat back in his chair and took another drink of beer. Brian and Alex looked at Harry for help. Harry gulped.

 

'Louis I know this is not right but think of Alex and Brian. They have already covered for us this whole week.....' Louis turned to look at Alex and Brain, ignoring Harry completely.

 

'I appreciate all you have done for us but Modest is taking this too fucking far. It's just a flight for fuck's sake!'

 

'A thirteen hour flight,' Alex corrected him, 'the two of you alone on a plane for thirteen hours. You know what the fans will make of that Louis?' Louis rolled his eyes.

 

'So let them!' he yelled. 'Let them make of it what it truly is! They are never wrong are they? They have fucking known about us since the start and they didn't go anywhere. Why must Modest make such a fucking big deal out of this?' Harry was sweating, both from the sun and from Louis' outburst. He had to try to calm him down.

 

'Louis you know why,' he told him softly. 'Please don't make this difficult. Please let's just stick to the plan.' Harry swallowed hard when he felt those cold blue eyes pin him to the chair.

 

'Don't you fuck with me Harry! I'm making this difficult? How am I making this difficult huh? Just how tell me how?' he yelled at him slamming his hand forcefully down on the table. Harry jumped a little at Louis' loud voice and bit down hard on his lip. He hated that Louis was yelling at him like this in front of Alex and Brian. Louis noticed what his temper was doing to Harry and he felt mad at himself for losing it and bad for yelling at Harry but this was too much. He saw Harry bite his lip and look down and he was damn sure he was remembering the time he had slapped him. He was never going to fucking let it go! Fucking Modest and their fucking rules! He turned to Alex and Brian.

 

'We're flying together,' he told them in a calmer voice. He had to calm down for Harry's sake. 'I am sorry if it might get you in trouble but when Modest will tell me off again after this which I know they fucking will, I will tell them you guys had nothing to do with it yeah? I will tell them it was my decision.' Brian put the papers back in the envelope.

 

'I'll call ahead and book another room at the hotel for Harry then,' Brain said. Louis looked at him.

 

'Leave it as it is. For one night he'll stay with me.' Louis downed the remainder of his beer. Alex shot Brian a look.

 

'Louis that is impossible,' Brian told him. 'Its bad enough you are flying together but sharing a hotel room....' Louis closed his eyes and tried to calm himself down even though he felt like breaking something. Why must everyone play on his nerves?

 

'Brian, just leave everything as it is okay. For one fucking night, just leave everything as it is. Then book Harry in when the others arrive yeah?' He looked across at Harry who was still looking down at his hands. Louis cursed himself for snapping at him like that.

 

'You know we have to inform them. They need to know,' Alex informed him. Louis nodded.

 

'Do what you have to do mate. No worries. We'll be ready. See you in the morning.' Alex and Brian knew they had just been dismissed by Louis. They looked at Harry but he just remained looking down at his lap and said nothing. They got up and walked out. When they were gone, Louis looked at Harry.

 

'I'm sorry I lost it,' he told him quietly. Harry kept looking at his lap. Louis huffed and got up, pulled the chair Alex had just vacated and scooted closer to Harry, his knees between Harry's long legs. He took his hands in his and shook them a little to get his attention.

 

'Hey Haz look at me,' he told him. Harry met his blue eyes which had lost their icy glare. Now they were warm and soft like the ocean. It pained Louis to see fear in those emerald eyes.

 

'I'm sorry I yelled at you but I want to travel with you. I am not ready to go back to all of that yet. I'm not ready to give you back to the world just yet. You do understand why I...'

 

'No I don't,' Harry cut him off. 'I don't understand you Louis.' He got up, pushed the chair back and walked inside. Louis watched him go letting out an exasperated sight.

 

'Fuck!' he muttered to himself. He didn't want to spoil their last day together here. He had hoped that Harry would understand his reason, that he would take his side. He just wanted this damn flight together, another extra thirteen hours with his love. He knew there was going to be hell about it but he didn't really care. He knew the fans were going to make this into a big thing. He really wished they wouldn't draw too much attention to the fact they had flown together but he could already see the hash tag on Twitter #larrystylinson13hourflighttogether. He put his face in his hands and groaned. Yes as soon as they land in Sydney it was going to be out there but he couldn't bring himself to care. He walked inside and went straight up to their bedroom. He needed to talk to Harry. He entered the bedroom and found Harry packing, a sullen look on his beautiful face.

 

'Haz,' Louis said softly while walking towards him. Harry continued to pack, folding his clothes neatly into the suitcase. 'Haz are you mad at me?' Louis asked him.

 

'No,' Harry told him quietly, not looking at him but continuing to pack. Louis took his hands and stopped him.

 

'Harry stop for a minute.' Harry stopped and looked at him. 'Are you upset that I want us to travel together?' Harry seemed to be thinking for a minute.

 

'I'm not upset. I just wished I understood why you do what you do Lou,' he told him in a quiet voice. Louis looked at him a little confused, waiting for Harry to continue. Harry sighed, sat down on the bed and looked up at Louis.

 

'Why do you have to defy them all the time when you know we have to stay hidden Lou? This is going to cause more problems for us.' Louis cupped his face in both his hands gently.

 

'Harry, if we hide its because we want to hide not because Modest makes us. Its because we decide that we want our relationship to be private not because they think its bad. We are doing nothing wrong by travelling together baby. If anything we're saving those fuckers money on jet fuel.' Louis smiled at him lovingly. Harry just had to smile back at him.

 

'You know the fans....'

 

'I know,' Louis cut him off. 'I know they will be very excited when we come out of that airport together. Let them. Let them tweet what they want. They are the authors of our relationship. Besides, I've been wanting us to join the Mile High Club for ages. Hmm what do you say?' Louis gave him a wicked smile as he bent down and placed his lips to Harry's, kissing him hungrily. Harry wrapped his arms around his waist, parted his legs and pulled him in between them. Louis moved both his hands down to the side of Harry's neck, slipping his tongue into his warm mouth. He kissed him gently while slowly pushing him back on the bed till Louis was lying on top of him. His lips left Harry's and Louis kissed his jaw, beneath his ear and slowly down his neck. Harry closed his eyes and moaned softly. Harry smelt of chlorine from the pool and sun screen and sweat and it made Louis crazy for him. He nibbled at his earlobe as Louis' hands reached down to Harry's shorts. He began to palm him slowly. Harry whined and moved his hips beneath him.

 

'Lou,' he groaned, 'we need to pack.'

 

'Shh,' Louis told him, sucking at his neck tenderly while continuing palm him. Harry arched his back off the bed.

 

'Louis...we...uhm really...uhm...need to....oh god Lou.' Louis smiled against his skin.

 

'You were saying baby?' Harry moaned again as Louis' fingers squeezed him a little too hard. Harry breathed heavily and gripped Louis' waist pulling him closer to him trying to create friction. Louis pushed his hips down on Harry and was rewarded with a gasp leaving his lover's beautiful parted lips.

 

'Do you want me to stop?' Louis asked him seductively. Harry opened his eyes and looked at him.

 

'We have a lot to do Lou,' he told him.

 

Louis kissed the side of his mouth. 'Lets just have a quickie babe. I can finish you off in ten minutes.' Harry was about to protest but Louis traced his lower lip with his tongue and Harry knew if he carried on like this, he would finish him off in five minutes. 'Please baby? I'll be quick.' Harry closed his eyes again as Louis started kissing down his chest, his stomach, his navel. He trailed his tongue over his fern tattoos just over the waist band of his yellow shorts. Harry groaned loudly at the sensation of Louis' tongue on his skin. He felt him tug at his shorts and the next thing Harry felt was Louis' mouth on him, his warm tongue, his lips, sucking him. Harry fisted his hair, tugged and bucked his hips up off the bed straight into Louis' inviting mouth.

 

'Fuck Lou,' he whined. Louis smiled as he continued to taste Harry. He loved it when Harry cursed during sex. Louis moved his mouth on him with quicker movements. 'Jesus fucking Christ...oh fuck...fuck,' Harry groaned loudly. 'Lou I'm...uhm...I'm...close Lou.' Louis' mouth left Harry and his hand took the place of his mouth. He lay next to Harry watching him scrunch his eyes tightly shut as he came undone next him, his lips parted, breathing heavily. Louis leaned over and kissed him deeply as Harry relaxed into the mattress coming down from his orgasm. When he opened his glassy eyes, he looked up into Louis' smiling face.

 

'Told you it would only take me ten minutes babe. Now come on, let's pack baby and get ready for Australia.' And Louis was off the bed leaving Harry with a lazy smile on his face and his body to relaxed to move and do the packing!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit is about to fly and things will go downhill. Brace yourselves.

Harry's alarm went off at 4:30 am. He quickly reached over his bedside table, his fingers fumbling for the phone. When he found it, he turned it off and exhaled loudly, his eyes still closed and his body begging him to go back to sleep but he knew he couldn't do that. They had a long flight ahead and Harry chose not to think about what would come after the flight.

 

'Lou,' he said in his deep sleepy voice as he reached across the bed and shook Louis slowly. 'Lou wake up.' Louis groaned.

 

'Its still dark Haz shut up!'

 

'Its 4:30 Lou,' Harry told him, rubbing his eyes and trying to get his brain to work through the haze and tiredness.

 

'That is not even a fucking legal hour to wake up. What the fuck? Go back to sleep!' Harry giggled despite the tiredness he felt. Louis was not a morning person at all. Harry rolled over and wrapped his arm around Louis' waist and nuzzled his nose against the side of his neck, placing small kisses on his warm skin.

 

'Come on sleepyhead. We have to be at the airport in an hour. We have to get ready.' Louis shoved him off of him.

 

'You're such a wanker Haz,' he complained. 'We just went to bed for God's sake. I need to sleep!' Harry continued to kiss his cheek, his jaw and his neck while his hand trailed up and down Louis' bare thigh.

 

'I know baby. You can sleep on the plane though.' Louis raised his head off the pillow, his eyes barely open and still swollen form sleep.

 

'You are fucking kidding me right? I went through a lot of trouble to travel with you today and you tell me to sleep on the plane? That is just not right Haz!' He gave Harry a lopsided grin and pushed the covers off him. He swung his legs off the bed and stumbled sleepily into the bathroom and turned the shower on.

 

'Coming?' he called out to Harry. Harry got out of bed and joined Louis in the shower. Harry wrapped his arms around Louis' waist and pulled him to him, his back to his chest. He placed his chin on Louis shoulder.

 

'Good morning,' he told him and placed a kiss behind his ear. Louis smiled.

 

'Good morning babe,' he replied wriggling out of Harry's grasp and and began to soap himself.

 

'Someone's in a hurry,' Harry told him playfully. Louis looked at him over his shoulder.

 

'We have a plane to catch and someone's got to make tea. You know I can't function without tea and neither can you. In fact, you're worse then me so one of us needs to hurry and go make tea.' He rinsed himself and pushed past Harry and out of the shower. He grabbed a towel and dried himself off. Harry got under the steaming hot shower jets. He was barely awake. He didn't mind flying, he only hated really early morning flights. But at least he got to have Louis with him. He smiled to himself at the thought of a thirteen hour flight with Louis. Sometimes he was glad that Louis defied management as that earned them more time together. The only thing he didn't like about it was that they got a lot of crap for it. Mostly Louis. Still, he would take their crap tenfold for these extra thirteen hours with Louis. They would deal with management together once they land and shit flies.

 

'Hurry up love,' Louis called to him while walking out of the bedroom. Harry shook his head as he ducked his head under the hot water and quickly lathered his hair. At least Louis was in a good mood. He quickly rinsed his hair, washed himself, rinsed off and turned the shower off. He stepped out and grabbed a towel quickly drying himself off while walking into the bedroom. He put on his skinny black jeans, a plaid maroon and grey shirt and brown boots.

 

Ten minutes later, Harry walked downstairs into the kitchen and found Louis making tea and toast. He was wearing a pair of grey shorts, his British Rouge grey hoodie over a green tee shirt and black Vans. He looked gorgeous in a rugged kinda way. He hadn't even bothered to shave but Harry loved the feel of Louis' stubble against his skin.

 

'Sit,' Louis instructed as soon as Harry stepped into the kitchen. Harry obediently pulled out a stool at the kitchen island and sat. Louis pushed a plate with two pieces of toast and a mug of tea in front of him.

 

'Thank you,' Harry told him, taking a sip of the hot tea. He looked at Louis over the rim of the mug. He was leaning against the counter eating his toast and sipping his tea. 'Are you okay Lou?' Harry asked him.

 

Louis looked at him and smiled. 'Yeah just tired. This waking up before dawn sucks.' Harry took a bite of toast.

 

'We have time to rest on the plane,' he told him. Louis walked towards him and placed his mug on the kitchen island beside Harry's mug.

 

'I did not go against the powers that be to travel thirteen hours with you just so we can rest and sleep,' he told him with a wicked grin. Harry turned in his stool to face Louis.

 

'And here I was thinking that you did it because you love my company. Silly me,' Harry said playfully. Louis grabbed Harry's shirt collar and pulled him close, their lips inches apart.

 

'I did it for all reasons imaginable even being in your silly company for another thirteen hours,' he told him, leaning in and placing a soft gentle kiss on Harry's lips. 'Now hurry up and finish your breakfast. Is the luggage all down or is there more?' Harry smiled to himself and took a bite of toast.

 

'I brought them all down last night when we finished packing. We're good to go as soon as Brian and Alex get here.' He stopped and looked out over the pool. It was still dark outside but the pool was lit up and the fair lights around the trees reflected in its clear surface. 'I'm going to miss it here. Just you and I. I could really get used to being domestic with you Lou.' Louis rubbed his back up and down affectionately.

 

'Maybe one day babe.' They heard the front door open and they knew that Brian and Alex had arrived. They both drained their tea as their two security walked into the kitchen.

 

'Good morning guys ready to go?' Brain asked them. Harry and Louis nodded and started out to the foyer, picked up their bags while Brian and Alex took the suitcases out to the car. When all the luggage was in, Harry and Louis got in the back seat. Harry scooted over to Louis and took his hand, lacing his fingers through his. Louis gave him a small smile and they relaxed for the thirty minute drive to LAX Airport.

 

Louis felt Harry's head rest on his shoulder and he knew he had dozed off. He could feel his soft labored breathing against his arm. Louis looked out the window. It was still dark though the sky was starting to lighten up a little bit. He couldn't deny to himself that he was a little worried about having been so rash in telling Alex and Brain that he would be flying with Harry to Sydney. He knew perfectly well that they were strictly prohibited from flying together knowing it would only generate a lot more attention to Larry Stylinson, something management had been wanting to crush for a long time but with no success thanks to their fans, but Louis so wanted to fly with Harry. They hadn't flown together for three years and they used to have so much fun before...before everything got difficult. Before their beautiful relationship caught the attention of their management and they went all out against it. It was an innocent beautiful love and management had turned it into a bad thing. He decided not to think about it now and he would deal with the consequences later. What could they do that they hadn't done already?

 

Brain pulled the car into a reserved parking space in front of the VIP lounge area. Louis touched Harry's cheek softly.

 

'Baby we're here. Wake up love.' Harry raised his head and looked at him with sleepy eyes. Louis chuckled. 'You look like a baby deer,' he told him. Harry yawned and tried to stretch his long legs but found it difficult to in the small space between the seats. Louis couldn't help but look at him fondly. They got out of the car and went to the back to get their bags. They both hefted their bags on their shoulders while Brain and Alex took care of the rest of the luggage. They walked into the VIP area and they were the only people there except for a ground hostess who waited to take their passports. She greeted them with a smile and good morning and Louis wondered who in the fuck could be so chirpy at 5:30 in the bloody morning. Louis looked at Harry who was rubbing his eyes sleepily. The hostess handed them back their passports and wished them a good flight. Louis grinned at her and hoped she wouldn't tweet about it!

 

They walked out of the VIP lounge onto the tarmac of the air field towards a private jet that was waiting for them. The sky was turning orange at the East. Another beautiful California dawn! Their luggage had already been loaded on to the jet and Brian and Alex were waiting for them at the foot of the steps leading up into the plane. Louis and Harry went up and were greeted by the pilot and co-pilot and two members of the crew that would be assisting them on their flight. After a brief chat, Louis and Harry walked into the main area of the plane which consisted of four comfortable chairs and tables and a long white couch. At the back of the plane was a small door that led to another area with bigger chairs for sleeping and a small bathroom. Louis and Harry went straight to the back of the plane.

 

It was a comfortable area, quiet for whoever wanted to rest while on a flight. There were three large brown leather seats made for sleeping on during long flights. This section of the plane was carpeted in a lush cream carpet and there were shades on the jet's windows to block out the light while sleeping. It had dim lights and when it was dark, the ceiling resembled a night full of stars.

 

Louis closed the door behind Harry and put down his bag on one of the seats and looked at Harry. 'Well this is home for the next thirteen hours babe.' He walked towards Harry and took his bag off his shoulder. He looked up into his face.

 

'Are you okay Haz?' he asked him quietly. Harry nodded. Louis moved closer to him. 'Do you get taller everyday? I swear to God you weren't this tall yesterday,' he told him trying to lighten the mood. Harry smiled a little. Louis stood on Harry's boots and went up on tip toes. Harry smiled wider and wrapped his arm around Louis' waist to help him keep his balance. He loved it when he did that and it had been a while since Louis had stood on his feet. Louis wrapped his arms around Harry's neck and smiled up into his face.

 

'At least I can reach you better like this,' he told him, pressing his lips to his. Immediately he felt Harry relax under his hold. Louis knew Harry worried a lot when he went up against Modest! but he wasn't going to let Modest! fuck up this flight for them. Louis played with Harry's hair, twisting a curl around his finger as he kissed him gently, his lips moving slowly against Harry's. With his free hand, Harry cupped Louis cheek, his other hand still firmly attached around his waist holding him tightly against him. He loved the feel of his stubble under his fingers.

 

The voice of the captain on the plane's speakers pulled them apart. 'Welcome aboard flight 225 to Sydney Australia. This is Captain Mark Joffreys and I will be your pilot for today. We will be flying to Kingsford Smith airport Sydney at the altitude of 37,000 feet. Our flight should take 13 hours 15 minutes. I would thank you all to fasten your seat belts as we get the clear for take off. Wishing you a pleasant journey. Thank you.'

 

Louis stepped off Harry's feet, took his hand and led him to one of the seats. 'Buckle up baby we're going to Sydney.' Harry just had to laugh at his excitement. Deep down he had to admit that he was excited too. They sat down and buckled their seat belt. Louis reached over and took his hand in his.

 

'Relax yeah,' he told him and winked at him. Harry squeezed his hand and gave him a reassuring smile. The last thing he wanted was for Louis to feel bad because of him not being okay with them travelling together. He was more than okay with this, he just wasn't okay with how Modest! would react to this. Or of how Louis will react to them when they call him into a meeting. He took in a deep breath and relaxed in his seat ready for take off. They will cross that bridge when they got to it.

 

Twenty minutes into the flight, there was a knock on the door. Louis got up, seeing that Harry was napping, and opened the door to find the hostess with a small trolley.

 

'Breakfast,' she told him with a smile. Louis smiled back at her.

 

'Cheers. I'll take it,' he told her as he took the small trolley. She nodded at him and walked back to the main part of the plane to see to Brain and Alex. Louis closed the door behind her and brought the trolley over to their seats. He bent over Harry and touched his hair softly.

 

'Hey babe,' he whispered to him, still caressing his long hair. Harry opened his eyes. 'Breakfast,' Louis told him. He reached over on Harry's side and pulled the shade up. Immediately sunlight filled the small cabin. Harry squinted and covered his eyes. Louis tapped his knee.

 

'Come on lazy bones,' he told him as he poured him tea. Harry sat up and let his eyes adjust to the light, taking the cup from Louis' hand. Louis uncovered two plates. 'Pancakes babe your favorite,' he told him and handed him a tray with a plate of pancakes, blueberries and strawberries. Harry took the tray and put it in his lap.

 

Louis sat in his seat again and they ate breakfast in silence. Louis kept casting looks at Harry to see if he was still tense but he looked okay. He looked relaxed. His cheeks were a little flushed and his curls a little messy. Louis smiled to himself. By the end of this flight he had a feeling Harry would be much messier than he was now!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again from me. Many thanks for those of you who take the time to read my work. I am grateful. Sorry I did not update yesterday. Summer is shit and makes me go out a lot which I do not like but some things just have to be done I guess. Anyway, I will post a double update today to make up for yesterday. Just to have you prepared, things will take a turn for the worse soon in the fic so brace yourselves. I know you lot are brave. If you braved ADSOL, you will brave this. All the love, M.

Harry looked across to Louis who was sitting relaxed in his chair, writing. Harry frowned, a crease forming between his eyebrows.

 

'What are you doing Lou?' he asked him. Louis looked up from his notebook and smiled at Harry.

 

'Just writing something for the new album.' Harry widened his eyes at him, a grin on his face.

 

'Already? We only briefly discussed that.' Louis shrugged.

 

'I have a burst of inspiration so I thought I'd get it down on paper.' Harry grinned at him, got up off his seat and walked towards Louis. He took the notebook and pen from his hands and put them on the table beside the chair. Louis looked up at him curiously.

 

'What are you doing Harry?' he asked him, a smile playing on his lips. Harry got down on his knees in front of Louis, spread his legs and got in between them. Harry leaned forward and kissed him softly on his lips. He pulled back and looked up into Louis' eyes.

 

'Maybe I could help with more inspiration?' he asked him as he trailed his large hands up Louis' thighs, slipping them underneath his baggy shorts, trailing them slowly to the top of his thighs then squeezing them firmly. Louis gulped but said nothing. He just kept his eyes locked into Harry's. Harry leaned forward again and took Louis' lower lip between his teeth and pulled gently on it, sucking it between his own. Louis gasped and grabbed Harry's forearms which were still attached to his thighs. Harry pulled back and smiled at Louis as got up off his knees.

 

'Where are you going?' Louis asked him already missing his closeness and caresses. Harry did not reply. He just began shutting the plane window's shades, casting the small cabin into dimness. Instantly the ceiling flickered with small blue starlight lights, making them feel like they were both looking up into a star filled night sky. He walked to the door and turned the lock, locking them in. Louis watched his every movement with curious eyes wondering what was on his mind. Harry returned to Louis and resumed his previous position kneeling between his legs. Louis sat up and crashed his lips to Harry's while he began unbuttoning his flannel shirt quickly. Harry pulled back and grabbed both Louis' wrists, stopping him instantly. He looked up into Louis' sweet face seeing the look of confusion in his beautiful eyes.

 

'Let me pleasure you Louis. Can you let me do that?' he asked him, his voice deep and low. Harry leaned forward and brushed his lips against Louis'. The kiss started out slowly and softly but as soon as Louis parted his lips, Harry's tongue was in his mouth moving against his. Harry cupped the back of Louis' neck holding him in place and kissed him passionately. Louis fisted Harry's shirt, pulling him in closer between his legs. The kiss became intense and they hungrily explored each other's mouth. Harry pulled back for need of air and rested his forehead against Louis'. Louis' hand reached down to Harry's crotch and he began to urgently palm him. Again, Harry took his hand away and looked up at him.

 

'No Lou. Let me do this please. Let me pleasure you. Just sit back and let me take over for once yeah?' Louis groaned and rolled his eyes. Harry knew that Louis didn't like him taking control. He was the one who had to be in control and Harry understood why but sometimes he wanted to pleasure him, to make him feel special and loved.

 

'You are just going to slowly torment me Harry,' Louis whined. Harry smirked at him and leaned closer, placing a kiss on his jaw.

 

'I am...' another kiss near his ear. 'Going to...' another kiss beneath his ear. 'Love you slowly...' another kiss underneath his jaw. Louis gripped the arm rests of his seat tightly. Harry pecked his lips and pulled back. He reached for the hem of Louis' sweatshirt and tugged on it.

 

'Lift your arms,' he ordered and immediately Louis' arms went up. Harry pulled off his sweatshirt and grinned at him. 'Keep them up,' he ordered as he lowered his hands, grabbed the hem of his green tee shirt and pulled it off too. Harry's eyes took in Louis' bare golden skin of his chest, his dark tattoo just beneath his collar bones. Harry traced his fingers over the words:

 

'It is what it is,' Harry whispered softly. He gently pushed Louis to lean back into the chair. Harry leaned forward and placed small kisses along Louis' jaw, underneath his ear and began trailing down his neck, small open mouthed kisses, gently sucking at his skin. Louis arched his back off the seat. Harry looked up at him, his lips hovering over his skin.

 

'Steady love,' he told him, his hot breath meeting his wet skin making Louis' skin tingle. Harry trailed his tongue over Louis' tattoo on his chest, every now and then nibbling at his skin. Louis groaned impatiently.

 

'Harry....' he whined. Harry smiled against his skin as he continued with his kisses. His hand reached down between Louis' legs and it made Louis jump when Harry's hand came in contact with his semi hard dick. Harry palmed him slowly, making Louis squirm and pant in the chair. His lips closed around Louis' small nipple and Harry sucked on it and twirled his tongue round it.

 

'Jesus fuck Harry,' Louis breathed, closing his eyes tightly shut. Harry continued to palm him and suck on his nipples giving each one of them a turn. Louis felt every nerve and fiber in his body turn into a hot flame. Harry knew how to torture him and his body already felt the need for release. His groin was pulling and tugging. Louis sat up suddenly, grabbed Harry's chin and pulled him up to him, shoving his tongue inside his mouth and kissing him hungrily, moaning in his mouth. Harry pulled back.

 

'No!' he told him fiercely but with a teasing smile on his lips. 'You do that again and I will stop.' Louis raised an eyebrow at him.

 

'I'll fucking kill you if you do that. I'm about to explode here Harry for fuck's sake.' Harry chuckled at Louis' impatience when it came to love making and pushed him back against the seat. He looked into his deep blue eyes.

 

'I don't want to rush it. I want to love you and you are going to sit like a good little boy and let me do to you all that I want to do.' Louis opened his mouth in a perfect little 'O'. The way Harry was talking, those luscious lips of his moving slowly with each word, those green eyes full of want and desire, made his blood rush down to his lower region making him go hard. He liked this! Louis relaxed back in the seat, obeying Harry. Harry began kissing his stomach, small wet kisses, every now and then sucking at his skin. Louis felt his toes curl in his Vans. Harry kept his downward trail of kisses till he reached Louis' naval and swirled his tongue inside.

 

'Holy fuck Harry,' Louis gasped.

 

'Shhh,' Harry warned him, blowing against his hot skin. 'Don't be too loud they'll hear you.' Louis looked down at him.

 

'Do you think right now I could give a fuck who hears? Right now I....' Harry dipped his head and kissed beneath his navel, down his happy trail and Louis let out another deep groan. Harry chuckled.

 

'I think I should put on some music to drown you out,' he told him smiling as he reached over to grab his phone. Louis rolled his eyes.

 

'Seriously H?You are such a fucking tease really.' Harry laughed and swiped his phone and went to music. He tapped a playlist. 'I'll look after you' by The Fray filled the cabin. He smiled at Louis.

 

'Some decent music comes from your phone finally. Halle-fucking-lujah,' Louis teased him. Harry smiled, not taking any offence in what Louis had said. He knew that their music taste was different and Louis wasn't too keen on his playlists.

 

'I know you like them,' Harry told him as leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. His hand trailed up Louis' thigh and settled on his hard dick. Harry's lips resumed kissing every inch of Louis' skin while his hand palmed him. Harry looked up from just above Louis' shorts waistband, silently asking Louis permission if he could be more invasive but the eager and lustful look on Louis' face was enough to give him the go ahead to continue. He tugged on Louis waistband. Louis lifted up his hips giving Harry access to pull down his shorts. Harry tugged them down to his ankles along with his boxers. He moved forward and leaned on Louis taking his lips into a passionate kiss. He could feel his hard length pressing against his stomach.

 

'Harry please,' Louis whined against his lips. Harry grinned at him. He knew what Louis needed. He loved him so much. He adored him and he was going to give him just what he needed. Once again Harry kissed his way down slowly and went down on Louis, taking him fully into his mouth. Louis gasped.

 

'Oh my fucking god Harry,' he groaned as Harry's head bopped up and down slowly. Louis fisted Harry's hair in his fingers pulling gently on his hair. Harry sucked him harder, swirling his tongue around him.

 

'Oh fuck baby,' Louis groaned. From the way Louis was bucking up in his seat, Harry knew he was letting him take full control. Harry knew only too well that during sex Louis needed control. That was the way he dealt with his sexuality problem, being in control, being the one who topped, made him feel less gay. At least that was how Harry summed it up in his head to avoid it hurting so much when Louis screamed at him that he wasn't gay! Harry looked up at Louis who had his eyes tightly shut and was breathing heavily clearly enjoying Harry's mouth on him. Harry pulled back and moved up crashing his lips to Louis' before he could complain. Louis pulled him closer, his hands fumbling with Harry's belt urgently. The feel of Louis' fingers tugging at his belt while his fingers brushed against his hard dick made Harry push his hips forward into Louis' hands. Louis unbuttoned his jeans but before he could slip his hand inside his jeans, Harry stopped him once again. He wanted to give Louis more at the moment.

 

'No,' Harry told him firmly. Louis let out an exasperated sigh.

 

'Jesus fucking Christ Harry just let me fuck you already,' he cursed, annoyed. Harry shook his head at him and immediately began licking his way down again and took Louis in his mouth once more. Louis gasped and clutched at the arm rests of the seats, his hips bucking off the seat into Harry's mouth. One thing he was proud of, Harry never gagged. His boy never gagged once! Harry placed his hands on Louis' hips to keep him down.

 

'Haz,' Louis said breathlessly, 'Haz I'm getting close so unless you want to swallow....' his voice trailed off, another moan escaping his mouth as Harry's lips and tongue worked expertly on him. Harry lifted his head and smiled at Louis.

 

'I better stop then because I think you have something else on your mind?' Harry asked him with a smirk, his dimple pooping out.

 

'In fact I do,' Louis told him with a wicked grin. He took his hand and tugged on it so he could get up off his knees. When Harry was up, he helped heave Louis out of the chair. Louis tugged up his boxers, kicking off his shorts. He took his hand and dragged him towards the small bathroom. Once inside the limited space, Louis closed the door behind them as Harry rested his butt on the edge of the small sink, smiling at Louis and his excitement. Louis turned to him, saw that smile on his face, those pink lips that had just been around his cock, remembering the feel of them on him just a few minutes ago, those green eyes shining. He looked innocent and gorgeous and Louis crashed his lips to his, leaning his body into him. Harry was his. His only! He chuckled internally at the thought that certain fans thought that Harry was straight and that he would go for them. As if! Harry was as gay as they came and he was his! He kissed him hard, forcing his tongue into his mouth, claiming him, urged on by the thought that Harry was so out of reach for others but willingly belonging to Louis. His hand moved inside Harry's boxers, moving up and down his already hard length. Louis pulled back slightly, his lips still touching Harry.

 

'Finally I get to touch you without being stopped. You know, you were right down sneaky in there not letting me participate. So now I want more from you,' he told him a smirk on his lips. He took his hands out of Harry's boxers and tugged at his shirt. Suddenly they heard a ripping sound. Louis' eyes went wide. Harry looked down and saw that shirt had ripped a little.

 

'Opps,' Louis said, looking up at Harry through his lashes. Harry frowned at the ripped shirt but before he opened his mouth to say anything, Louis kissed him again, crushing his body to his. He kissed him like his life depended on it. Harry whimpered when he felt Louis' teeth press into his lower lip, painful but pleasurable. His hands cupped Louis' butt pressing him closer to his hard and needy erection. As soon as Louis felt Harry's hands on his butt and his own hard dick pressed against Harry's, he let out a moan into Harry's mouth. He attacked Harry's jeans fumbling with the zip. Harry could feel his impatience so he helped him to unzip his jeans and no sooner he had, Louis' hand was once again inside his pants, his fingers tightly wrapped around Harry. Harry hissed through his teeth at the tight grasp and closed his eyes as pleasure rushed through him. Louis began to move his hand on him, a little too fast, a little too rough. Harry took in a deep shuddering breath. This was Louis. His Louis.

 

Louis continued to kiss him hard and quick while he fondled him equally hard and quick. Harry's breathing was fast and rapid, his heart pounding in his chest.

 

'Lou,' he breathed, feeling every nerve in his body tighten and tingle.

 

'Mhmm?' Louis asked against his lips. He continued to move his hand on Harry while kissing his jaw and neck.

 

'Louis...I...God....fuck Louis...I need....' Harry mumbled incoherently. Louis stopped and looked up into his face. His eyes opened and met his. His face was red and he was sweating.

 

'What do you need Harry?' Louis asked him seductively. Harry gulped.

 

'You...you know...what I need...' he stammered. Louis smiled at him knowingly.

 

'Turn around Haz,' he told him. Harry's eyes went wide.

 

'What?'

 

Louis sighed. 'Just turn around for me Haz and bend over the sink yeah?'

 

'But Lou,' Harry began to protest.

 

'Harry for fuck's sake please. This bathroom is too fucking small and your legs are too long. There really isn't another way to do it.' Harry looked down and bit his lip. Louis took in a deep breath, feeling frustrated and horny but not really wanting to snap at Harry during this. He ran his fingers down his cheek.

 

'Baby I know you don't like it that way with your back to me. I know. And you know I'd never asked that of you. We can stop. We don't have to do this yeah? I'd never ask for anything you don't want to do okay. But on this damn plane it's the only way we can do it if we want to join the Mile High Club.' He smiled softly at him and kissed his cheek. Harry looked into his blue eyes, nodded and turned around, giving his back to Louis. His heart was pounding in his chest. 

 

'Are you sure love?' Louis asked him and Harry nodded again. Harry bit his lip. He didn't like making love with Louis like this. He always wanted to see his face. Besides, being bent over was uncomfortable and the twice they did it like this in the early days, it hurt. But he really didn't want to spoil this. Louis had been looking forward to joining this stupid Mile High Club everyone seemed to want to be part of and he wasn't going to whine about it and spoil it for him. After all this was Louis. His Louis. They loved each other, so it wasn't like he was doing it with a stranger in some shady bar bathroom.

 

He felt Louis pull down his jeans and boxers down to his ankles. His soft fingers traced up the back of his long legs till he cupped his butt. Louis moved behind him and lifted his shirt to expose his tattooless back. He ran his hands up his smooth back.

 

'Are you okay? You haven't said a word.' Harry looked sideways over his shoulder.

 

'I'm fine Lou,' he told him his voice low. Louis placed kisses on his back to calm him. He could feel him trembling and his knuckles where white from gripping the sink so tightly.

 

'I don't think you're okay,' Louis told him in between kisses on his spine.

 

'I'm fine Lou really,' Harry reassured him. He would do anything for Louis and this was no big deal. 

 

'Okay. Just stop me anytime it gets too uncomfortable for you okay?' Harry nodded as he felt Louis' hands tighten around his hips. 'Bend forward babe.' Harry bent forward on the sink and braced himself. He felt Louis behind him.

 

'You know I love you very much right?' Louis asked him, kissing his back once again. Harry just nodded and swallowed hard. Louis slicked himself up and pushed slowly into him but he felt resistance.

 

'Baby relax for me,' he told him softly as he rubbed his back comfortingly. Harry nodded again, spread his legs a little wider and took in a deep breath. Louis wanted to be passionate and love Harry through this not just fuck him for the sake of doing it on a plane. It wasn't even about that. This was a special moment as it was a new experience for both of them and he wanted Harry to have a lovely memorable experience.

 

He pushed inside him as gently as he could and he heard Harry hiss through his teeth and groan. Louis stopped. He didn't know if it was from pain or pleasure. But the feeling was indescribable for Louis. To be inside him like this it felt more intense.

 

'Are you okay babe?' Louis asked him breathless.

 

'Yeah,' Harry replied. 'Go on.' Louis pushed further inside him, holding him tightly from his hips. Harry scrunched his eyes tightly shut at the slight burning, pinching feeling. He knew it would pass. It was just because he wasn't used it this way.

 

'God Harry you feel so fucking amazing like this,' Louis told him as he moved in deeper inside him, Harry's inner walls clenching around him tightly. 'Relax baby,' Louis urged him. Louis could feel that Harry was tense. His body spoke volumes and over the years, Louis had learned to read him well. Harry tried his best to relax for Louis like the good lover that he was. He pushed back to meet Louis' thrusts which were slow and gentle. He tried to move in time with him and ignore the pinching sensation. He couldn't deny he loved feeling Louis inside him. Harry pushed back again wanting to feel more of Louis.

 

'Fuck Haz baby you're so tight like this. Can I move a little faster babe?'

 

'Yeah,' Harry panted, his breathing coming fast. Louis picked up the pace, thrusting faster into Harry, both of them groaning and moaning and Louis mumbling a string of profanities, digging his fingers into Harry's tender skin on his hips. He would probably leave marks but right now he was too lost inside the love of his life to think about that. When he hit Harry's prostate, Harry let out a deep loud moan.

 

'Lou...fuck,' he panted.

 

'I'm close baby,' Louis told him, breathless. Louis bent slightly forward, his chest against Harry's back and took Harry in his hand. He moved his hand on Harry to the same rhythm of his thrusts, hitting Harry's prostate again and again making him cry out loud. Harry doubted his legs would keep him standing any longer. They both came together, Louis inside him and Harry all over the sink.

 

'Oh...my...God,' Louis panted, resting his forehead on Harry's sweaty back. He could feel Harry riding out his orgasm beneath him, his body shaking and trembling. He wrapped both his arms around his waist and hugged him tightly, his cheek pressed to Harry's back.

 

'God I love you,' he whispered.

 

'I love you,' Harry replied barely above a whisper. He could hardly find his voice. Louis pulled out of him slowly and he heard him hiss.

 

'I'm sorry, I'm sorry,' he quickly apologized. When he was out of him, Harry felt his knees ready to give away as they buckled a little. Louis was quick to wrap his arm around his waist again and turn him round to face him. Harry looked wrecked, beautifully wrecked.

 

'Hey are you okay?' he asked him softly, looking up into his face. He was beautiful. His cheeks were flushed red and his hair was sticking to his sweaty forehead, his eyes a little glazed and hooded, lips bitten and parted. Harry nodded.

 

'You just swept me off my feet,' Harry told him in a tired, lazy voice, a smile playing on his lips. Louis smiled brightly back at him and kissed him softly.

 

'I'm glad I did babe.' Louis pulled up his boxers, then bent down and pulled up Harry's boxers and jeans. Harry just smiled at him. He loved when he made Louis happy. It was all he wanted. For Louis to be happy. And if there was anything, anything in the world he could do to make him happy, he knew he would do it because ever since the day he had met him, he knew he was the one. Only him. His love, his soul mate, his person. He only wished that Louis would understand that and stop being angry at the world and live this beautiful love they had with ease.

 

WHAT WILL HAPPEN ONCE THEY LAND IN AUSTRALIA?


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here is Chapter 18. Shit is about to hit the fan.

The plane landed smoothly on the tarmac of the runway. It bumped a few times, while slowing down and the brakes hit the wheels. Louis stirred and stretched his legs. He felt numb from sleeping on Harry for the last few hours. He looked down at his hand holding Harry's own, his long ringed fingers clasped tightly around his own then looked across to Harry who was still sleeping peacefully. Louis could swear that Harry could sleep even in water! He was such a sound sleeper but then again their life was hectic and Harry tired easily. Louis figured that mentally Harry got tired before he got physically tired and thus his deep sleep which took him away from their problems for a little while. He looked at him as the plane slowly moved to its allocated parking spot. His curls were all over the place. His mouth was partially open and his breathing was soft and deep. Harry had been asleep for over eight hours.

 

After their tryst in the bathroom, they had just sat together holding each other for a while, listening to music and talking. Then they had been interrupted by the flight attendant bringing them lunch. After lunch, Harry had taken off his boots and curled up his long legs beneath him on the seat, lowered his head on Louis' shoulder and fell asleep. Louis just sat with Harry sleeping on his and wrote more lyrics in his notebook till he felt his eyes getting heavier both from having woken up early and the drone of the plane engine, not to mention the early morning's activities with Harry, till he had no other choice but to rest his head on top of Harry's head, take his hand in his and fell asleep.

 

Louis kissed the top of Harry's head. 'Hey sleeping beauty, you need to wake up now. We're here.' Harry's eyes fluttered open slowly and heavily, pulling himself out of his sleeping state and when his blurry eyes met Louis' eyes, Louis smiled at him. 'There you are,' he told him, placing a kiss on his forehead. Harry smiled and uncurled his legs from beneath him and stretched,

 

'What time is it?' he asked Louis, moving his tired and numb limbs trying to get them to work. Louis looked at his phone.

 

'Its 6 pm Australia time.' Harry groaned.

 

'I don't like the way time distorts when we travel half way across the world. Its like a time warp.' Harry lifted the shade of the plane and looked outside as the jet made its way to the part of the airport reserved for VIP's. It was sunny outside and Harry scrunched up his still sleepy eyes against the glare of the late afternoon sun. He kept looking out the window at nothing in particular, just staring outside.

 

'Hey,' Louis called softly to him, 'what's the matter?' Harry took in a deep breath and turned to look at Louis, his face etched in worry and the lines between his eye brows furrowed and deep.

 

'We arrived. I'm a little worried now,' he told him quietly. Now that their adventure had come to an end he felt a little worried about what would happen next. Louis squeezed his hand.

 

'What are you worried about love?' he asked him. Harry looked into his eyes and searched his mind trying to find the right words to say what he needed to say without upsetting Louis' good relaxed mood.

 

'Well, there will be fans. And...and you ripped my shirt look,' he told him, showing him rips under his arm and another rip in the seam down his side. 'They will notice. Nothing escapes the girls.' Louis chuckled and cupped his cheek.

 

'Don't worry babe. You did nothing wrong. I wanted this for us and we got it. I will deal with Modest when it comes to it . Just don't worry okay leave them to me alright. As for the girls, well it's been a while since we've given them a Larry moment haven't we?' he told him and winked at him, the smile never leaving his lips. He leaned in and gave Harry a soft kiss on his lips as he ran the back of his hand down his cheek. 'How's your bum?' Harry blushed and looked down.

 

'A little sore,' he admitted. Louis wrapped his arms around his shoulders and pulled him into his chest, hugging him tight.

 

'I'm so sorry I made you sore baby,' he cooed in his hair. Harry felt himself melt in his embrace. Louis' words could either break you or heal you. There was no in between. Louis stroked his back up and down. 'In a way its a good thing cos every time you feel that soreness, you'll think of me inside you.' He chuckled in his hair. Harry pulled back and swatted him playfully on the arm.

 

'You're a dick Lou,' he told him pouting as he began to put his boots on. Louis laughed.

 

'Don't you fucking pout or I'll make that ass even more sore than it already is.' Harry scowled at him.

 

'Just shut up alright,' he told him playfully. Louis squeezed Harry's knee affectionately.

 

'Just messing with you love,' he told him, placing a kiss on his cheek. 'Just make sure you walk out of the airport properly. If the girls see you limp, well, they will have a fucking field day.' Louis chuckled and Harry rolled his eyes at Louis still smiling. He felt happy. Tired and jet legged but happy. No matter how much he wanted it to last, he knew deep down it wouldn't. Modest would surely come at them for this there was no doubt in Harry's mind about it. The plane came to a stop and Louis jumped out of his seat and began shoving his stuff into his shoulder bag. Harry got up slowly and Louis couldn't help but give him a curious look as a smile spread on his face, crinkling his eyes when he saw the careful way Harry was moving. He must really be sore. Harry gave him a glare.

 

'Don't you even okay.' Louis put his hands up in defeat and laughed.

 

'Babe I didn't say anything.' Harry tried to give him a stern glare but his smile betrayed him.

 

'Just stop it okay,' he told him. Louis shrugged and continued to pick up his things. Harry slung his shoulder bag over his shoulder. Just as they were walking towards the door, there was a knock. Louis opened it.

 

'Time to go,' Brian told them. Louis looked over his shoulder at Harry and winked at him.

 

'Ready?' he asked him. Harry nodded. Louis walked out to the main area of the plane. The doors were already open and the steps were down. Louis reached behind him and took Harry's hand in his own, giving it a tight squeeze to reassure him, then let it go and together they walked towards the door. Before they got off the jet, they thanked the crew for the lovely flight and their service, Harry taking care to shake their hands. When they were down on the tarmac, Alex looked from one to the other.

 

'We got a car ready for you guys,' he informed them. Louis looked at Harry. He was worried he could tell. He felt a pang of guilt because he had wanted this and hadn't considered that it would worry Harry even though he'd gone along with whatever Louis wanted. Harry was like that. He never said no to Louis. What Louis wanted from him, Louis got. Louis knew he shouldn't have been spontaneous and decided for the both of them regarding this trip but now it was done. He had to cut this habit of deciding for himself instead of consulting with Harry and deciding together. He inwardly cursed himself for always wanting to defy Modest! Why couldn't he just go along with their stupid rules? Harry did! Harry never stirred up trouble. Because Harry was smart and he knew that defying Modest! was a game they could never win. But it was ingrained Louis' DNA to stand up to them even if he lost time and time again.

 

He heard Harry take in a deep breath. 'Okay let's go then,' Harry told Alex and Brian. They walked together and entered the VIP lounge where a ground hostess greeted them and checked their passports. When they were done, Brian pulled them aside.

 

'We have to go through the main arrivals area to get outside guys. Just try to hurry up and once outside, get straight into the car okay,' Brian instructed. Harry looked at him as if he had just spoken Aramaic.

 

'We can't ignore our fans Brain. God knows how long they have been waiting for us to arrive.' Louis smiled at himself at how Harry always thought of others before himself. Harry was very fond of the fans, as they all were but Harry was exceptional with them. Alex scoffed.

 

'Well you can't stop for a chat or sign autographs either. We're already in deep shit with Modest!' he told him a little too harshly. Louis saw Harry bite his lip and felt his annoyance towards Alex. How dare he? How dare he snap at Harry like that? Not on his fucking watch!

 

'Hey,' Louis snapped at him, 'no need to bust your balls at him. Its not his fault. If Modest! are to be pissed off at anyone it should be me.'

 

'Lou,' Harry told him quietly when he heard the anger in his voice. Louis couldn't get angry now! Louis looked at him and smiled gently at him.

 

'It's okay Harry,' he reassured him. Alex chuckled.

 

'Oh believe me they are pissed at you,' he told him. Brain shot him a warning glance is and Alex shut up but kept his smirk and eyes on Louis. Louis felt the irritation seep under his skin and crawl like ants into his veins but he felt Harry squeeze his hand and he swallowed the mouthful of curses he had for Alex. He squeezed Harry's hand back.

'C'mon guys lets go,' Brian told them. They followed Brian and once out into the main area, they saw the fans. There weren't many, less than they had anticipated but as soon as they stepped into their view, mobiles and cameras started flashing and their names were being called along with a lot of 'Oh my God.' Louis and Harry gave them smiles and waves but kept on walking. They both felt terrible that they couldn't stop.

 

Once outside, there was a larger group of screaming girls. More pictures were taken and their names were yet called out again, along with a few 'Larry' here and there. Louis gave them a broad smile and waved at them as he got into the car. Harry followed him, giving the fans waves and a peace sign. As soon as Alex and Brain got into the car, they sped out of the airport to their hotel. Louis looked at Harry who had a serious face. He put his hand on his thigh and squeezed it gently.

 

'That wasn't so bad was it?' he asked him. Harry looked into his ocean eyes.

 

'Trust me Lou, we're already on Twitter Lou.' Louis huffed, keeping his hand on Harry's thigh.

 

'Nothing new babe. Give it twenty minutes and we'll be trending.' He saw Brian look at him from the rear view mirror and Alex turned to look at him from the front seat. 'What?' Louis asked them.

 

Brain took in a breath. 'Stuart emailed me during the flight. Just read his email while we waited for passport clearance. He's coming down here tomorrow.' Louis scoffed.

 

'Its always the same shit,' he complained. 'Nothing new. This bullshit has been going on for a long time now.' He saw Harry stiffen out of the corner of his eye and again he squeezed his thigh, hoping he was reassuring him that it will be okay, that he knew how to handle them. Again Brain looked at him through the rear view mirror.

 

'Louis, you have to let us get Harry another room for today. You flew in together you really can't stay in the same room. We have to do some damage control.' Louis glared back at Brain feeling his temper rising. Then he felt Harry's hand on his, his fingers lacing through his own, the cold metal of his rings a relief against his clammy hands and he just held it, there on his thigh. Louis pressed his lips together, calming himself down for Harry's sake.

 

'We'll share a room today,' he told Brian resolutely. 'Tomorrow you can arrange a room for Harry yeah? It's been a long flight. We are both jet legged and tired. We just want to sleep.' Louis felt his muscles relax, the tension leaving his body. He turned and smiled at Harry who just smiled back at him, their eyes meeting and locking for a few seconds, an unspoken understanding passing between them. Harry had actually agreed with him on this! Louis sighed inwardly with relief: they were on the same page. Harry was with him on this.

 

'Are the others already at the hotel?' Louis asked.

 

'Liam and Sophia are. So is Eleanor and her friends. Zayn arrives tomorrow and Niall later tonight,' Alex informed him. Shit! He had forgotten all about Eleanor. The last he had seen her was the day of Harry's party when he had sent her off back to her hotel and he had quite literally forgotten all about her. Oh well, she was with her friends having a good time and getting hefty pay cheques for being his beard. It wasn't like she was moping around after him. After all this was a job for her! A job with benefits. The rest of the drive was silent, each engrossed in their own personal thoughts. After about half an hour, Brian stopped the car in front of a huge hotel. Luckily there were no fans here and Brain and Alex quickly escorted them inside.

 

'I'll go get your room key,' Brian told Louis. Then turned to Alex. 'See to their luggage.' Alex nodded and they both went off. Louis turned to face Harry. He looked dead on his feet.

 

'Are you tired?' he asked him. Harry nodded.

 

'Yeah. Feels like I haven't slept at all. My body just hurts all over.' Louis wanted desperately to hug him but they were in the middle of a busy hotel lounge. He looked so vulnerable. When Harry was tired or worried, his whole aura just begged you to hug him really tightly and just let him sleep in your arms while you kept him safe and protected from the whole world. It was all Louis wanted to do; keep him safe and protected but sometimes he failed and when he did, Harry got hurt. As soon as Brain walked back over to them and handed the key card to Louis, he told him:

 

'You're at suite 350 on the 8th floor.' Louis took the key card from him.

 

'Thanks. Will you send the luggage up please? He's very tired,' he told him with a nod towards Harry. Brian nodded. Louis turned to Harry and was almost going to place his hand on his lower back to guide him towards the elevators but he quickly collected himself and put his hand back down. He had to start remembering his fucking list of 'Things I Can't' again!

 

'Come on Haz,' he told him quietly. They waited for the elevator and when the doors dinged open, they stepped inside. Louis pressed the button for the 8th floor and the doors closed. As soon as they were cut off from the people in the lobby, Louis wrapped his arm around Harry's waist and pulled him closer to him and Harry was quick to snuggle up into Louis' body. When they got off on their floor, they found their suite and Louis put the key card in the slot and pushed the door open, allowing Harry to go in before him.

 

Their suite consisted of two rooms: a living room with a big couch, plasma TV, mini-bar and small kitchenette and a bedroom with a bathroom. It was nicely furnished and each room had a balcony overlooking the back of the hotel with its massive gardens and pool. Harry walked straight into the bedroom, let his bag drop off his shoulder and gingerly sat down on the bed. Louis followed him, his eyes taking in every movement Harry made.

 

'Harry are you okay? You're worrying me.' Harry looked up at him and smiled fondly.

 

'Sorry. I'm just very jet legged and sore. I need a hot shower and a day of sleep.' Louis gently rubbed Harry's shoulders, massaging them slowly. Harry groaned.

 

'Me too babe,' he told him as he got down on his knees in front of Harry. Harry looked at him questioningly, his eyes wide.

 

'Lou...' Harry began. Louis looked up into his tired eyes and chuckled.

 

'I'm just taking off your boots baby. I'm too tired to blow you,' he smirked at him while unzipping his boots and pulled them off one by one. Harry wiggled his toes and sighed.

 

'Thank you,' he told him is a low voice. A knock on the door pulled Louis off of his knees.

 

'Must be our luggage,' he told Harry and he went off into the outer room of their suite. In less than five minutes he was back.

 

'What are you doing Harry?' he asked him when he saw Harry scrolling on his phone. Harry looked up at him, his face pensive, his eyes wide and a little scared.

 

'We are all over Twitter Lou. There are lots pictures of us at the airport and even of my ripped shirt. We are trending #LarryFlyTogetherAfter3Years. There are endless tweets about you and I.' Harry looked down at his phone and continued to scroll, his anxiety rising. Louis walked over to him, took his phone out of his hands and turned it off.

 

'Enough of that. We knew it would happen Harry. We knew we would be on Twitter and fuel the Larry rumors.' Harry kept looking down. Louis put a finger under his chin and tilted his face up to meet his eyes. 'Please don't worry about it. It will be okay. I promise. I will take care of it okay? I won't let them touch you H I swear.' 

 

'You can't take the fall for this Louis. We're in it together,' Harry told him. Louis placed a kiss on his lips.

 

'Do you trust me?' Louis asked him and Harry nodded. 'Good then trust me that I will take care of this. We will be okay Haz. They will just complain to me and threaten me a little bit but we will be okay. We always are.' Louis kissed him on the forehead.

 

'Come on let's grab a shower so we can sleep,' Louis told him as he kicked off his Vans while walking to the bathroom. He pulled off his tee shirt and hoodie off together, letting them fall to the floor. He let his shorts drop to the floor by the bathroom door before he disappeared inside. Harry watched him go about taking off his clothes and letting them all fall on the floor helter skelter. He shook his head and smiled to himself. Louis was so messy but he wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. He loved his messy boy. He got up and began picking up after him, folding and placing his clothes neatly on the chair.

 

'God you're messy Lou,' Harry called playfully. Louis poked his head out of the bathroom and smirked at him.

 

'I know. And you're neat that's why we work so well together. C'mon babe let's have a shower,' he told him still grinning. Harry took off his ripped shirt and jeans and placed them on the chair with Louis' clothes and walked into the bathroom. Louis was already under the steaming hot shower. Harry took off his boxers, where they joined Louis' on the tiled floor. He stepped under the hot water behind Louis. Harry closed his eyes and sighed as soon as he felt the hot water on his tense muscles. Louis' arms went around his waist and he pulled him closer, their chests pressed together. He placed a kiss on his jaw.

 

'Still sore baby?' he asked him looking up into his face. Harry opened his eyes and looked at Louis.

 

'Its a combination of soreness, tiredness and worry. I need to sleep for a decade.' He gave Louis a faint smile but Louis did not return it. He looked away from him, focusing his gaze on the tiles behind Harry.

 

'This all my fault,' he said in a quiet voice. 'All that you are feeling, its all my fault.' Harry stroked his face.

 

'No its not love.'

 

'Yes it is,' Louis contradicted him. 'I always everything screw up for us.' Harry bent his knees slightly so he could level his gaze with Louis.

 

'You fight for us Lou. Your heart is in the right place. Sometimes I may not understand why you do what you do but I know in my heart why you try. Don't worry babe I just need to sleep it off.' He placed a soft kiss on Louis lips and continued to shower in silence, both lost to their own thoughts. When they were done, they stepped out and walked into their bedroom. They threw on a pair of boxers, Harry towel dried his hair and pulled it up into a bun. Louis pulled off the duvet off the king sized bed and climbed in.

 

'Come here,' he told Harry, patting the empty space beside him. Harry climbed on the bed and scooted closer to Louis, his back to Louis' chest. Louis wrapped his arm around his waist and pulled him even closer into his chest.

 

'My little spoon,' Louis whispered in the back of Harry's neck. Harry cuddled into him, holding his hand where it rested on his stomach. Louis placed a kiss on the back of his neck.

 

'I love you Harry,' Louis told him. 'If everything goes to hell, just remember I love you.' Harry squeezed his hand tightly refusing to allow himself to cry.

'I love you,' Harry mumbled as he drifted off to sleep.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys surprise! I'm updating during the week as I have a little bit of free time and I might be tied up this weekend. Lots of places to be and activities to attend so I hope you don't mind that I am updating during the week. In just 6 days time I have a week off work so I'm planning to finish ADSOL Chapter 43 and continue updating Outing Larry. Some of you have guessed that things will go to shit . Well you have guessed right. Hold on. All the love, M.

Louis could faintly hear Green Day's 'Still Breathing' playing from far away and he could feel a dead weight on his chest, restricting him from breathing properly. His body felt pinned down by something heavy and warm and Green Day played on. He opened his eyes to a hazy dim surrounding and through his fuddled sleepy mind, he realized that the heavy weight on him was Harry. Harry's head was on his chest, his long legs tangled with his own and his arm thrown across Louis' stomach holding him tightly in place as if afraid that Louis would leave him. Louis sighed and ran his fingers through Harry's curls wondering how could Harry ever think he would ever leave him. It was then he realized that "Still Breathing" was his phone's ring tone. Louis stretched and grabbed the phone off the night stand, careful not to disturb Harry. He swiped his phone, cutting the music off. 'Ello,' he mumbled into the phone, his eyes closing again and his fingers threading through Harry's curls. His bun had come undone and his curls where everywhere. Louis wound his fingers through his silky locks gently, careful not to wake him. 'Where the fuck are you?' Liam asked him a little angrily. Harry shifted and moved off of Louis, turning and lying on his side but he did not wake. Louis spoke very softly into the phone. 'I was asleep until you decided to end it for me,' he told him not to happy with Liam's tone early this morning. 'And where is Harry?' Liam snapped. 'I have been calling him but his phone keeps going to voice mail.' Louis yawned and ran a hand over his sleepy eyes and looked at Harry who was still sleeping. Good thing he had turned his phone off! 'He's here. Sleeping.' The line went quiet. 'Liam?' Louis said into his phone, not hiding the annoyance in his voice. 'He slept there with you in the same bed in the same room after you two flew in together on a thirteen hour flight from L.A?' Liam asked him, a hint of disbelief in his tone. 'Yeah something like that,' Louis replied feeling a little irritated that he had been woken up by Liam. 'Congratulations you are trending on Twitter again,' Liam informed him, matter-of-factly and non too pleased. 'I know,' Louis simply told him. 'Along with pictures of Harry's mutilated shirt along with questions along the lines of why was Harry's shirt ripped and how was it ripped and by whom was it ripped and also how Louis looks so happy and like he has won the lottery after a thirteen hour flight with Harry compared to pictures of how you looked like a sullen shit when he made the same flight with Eleanor.' 'Shit!' Louis groaned. 'Fuck! That's big. Bigger than I thought.' 'Way bigger than you could've imagined mate. The girls get excited about anything you and Harry do. If you and Harry stand next to each other, they trend it. If you and Harry so much as exchange glances, they trend it. You should know that by now so flying together was sure to get their attention. You and Harry were meant to keep a low profile Louis. You know your Larries won't keep it quiet. They draw attention to it and you know damn well that the Powers That Be see everything on Twitter.' Louis sighed heavily. 'Just how the fuck do they notice everything really? I didn't rip his shirt that much and it was an accident really.' Louis said defensively. Liam chuckled. ' They have their eyes on the pair of you.They pay attention to you two and really Louis, an accident? How does a shirt get ripped by accident? Tell me truly, how did Harry's shirt end up like that? Are you seriously that wild?' Liam asked him chuckling again. 'Fuck off,' Louis replied playfully when he realized that Liam wasn't angry but wary for them. Liam laughed. 'On a much more serious note, you two might want to get down here as soon as possible though. Stuart from Modest! is here and he looks like he's got a dick up his ass!' Liam paused reflecting on his words. 'Bad choice of words but you know what I mean.' Louis laughed softly. 'We'll be down shortly. Cheers mate.' Louis hung up and took in a deep breath. He looked at the ceiling. Time to face up to the consequences you dick, his subconscious threw at him. Louis rolled over to face a still sleeping Harry. He leaned over and touched his cheek with the back of his hand. 'Baby,' he called softly to him. Harry stirred a little. 'Hmm,' he moaned. Louis hated to wake him. He always looked so peaceful when he was asleep and those horrid frown lines that sometimes appeared between his eyes were nowhere to be seen when he was asleep but now he was going to wake up and face the consequences of his thoughtless actions. 'Baby you need to wake up now. We're wanted downstairs,' he told him. He leaned over closer to him and placed a soft kiss on his temple, down his cheek, his jaw and finally his lips. Harry's eyes slowly fluttered open and a small smiled formed on his lips when he felt Louis' lips on his. Louis pulled back and looked at him. 'I'm up,' Harry croaked sleepily. Louis laughed. 'Sure you are love,' he told him as he got up off the bed and opened the curtains. Bright sunlight flooded the room. 'Ugh Lou,' Harry groaned and covered his head with the pillow. Louis walked over to Harry's side of the bed and ran his fingers up the back of Harry's bare legs, dragging his fingers up, up, up. Harry squirmed under his touch. 'Come on babe. You need to get up,' Louis told him as he walked towards his suitcase and pulled out a pair of skinny jeans and a tee shirt and began getting dressed. Harry groaned again. 'What time is it anyway and what's the rush?' he asked groggily as he sat up and rubbed his eyes, shoving his long hair away from his face. Louis stopped mid way zipping up his jeans and looked at Harry. He was so cute, looking all sleepy and his hair in a mess. 'Modest!' he simply told him and continued getting dressed. 'Oh,' Harry said and Louis was sad to see the frown lines appear between his brows. He got out of bed and stretched. Louis eyed his movements. 'Are you okay? Still sore?' he asked him. Harry smiled a little as memories from their activities on the plane came back to him. 'I'm better,' he told him as he walked over to Louis and pecked his lips. 'I'm ready to go again,' he said, his deep voice sending shivers down Louis' spine. Louis kissed him back. 'Maybe later love. We need to go.' Harry nodded, went to his suitcase and pulled out a pair of black skinny jeans and a white button down shirt. He began to get dressed but all of a sudden he felt panicked. He had known that someone from Modest would be here obviously but they were here now and he wasn't ready for them. Not yet! After an almost blissful week with Louis and their flight together he just wasn't ready to lose Louis to them again. He knew what they did to him, how they made him feel, how they broke him down and Harry just wasn't ready to lose him just yet. Louis came out of the bathroom and looked at Harry who was done getting dressed. 'Are you done?' he asked him. Harry nodded. 'I just need to brush my teeth and fix my hair,' he told him. Louis rolled his eyes playfully because he knew that sometimes it took ages for Harry to get ready. 'Make it quick,' he told him with a smile and smacked his butt as he walked past him. Harry gaped at him. 'Lou!' he exclaimed. Louis laughed at him. He loved to tease him. 'Go get ready before I get you back in bed and make you sore all over again.' Harry gave him a smile that did not reach his eyes. 'I wish we could just stay in bed all day and not face the harsh reality out there,' he said a little sadly. 'I know love. If that were possible trust me, I would make it happen.' Harry gave him a nod and disappeared into the bathroom. Louis sat on the bed while he waited for Harry to be done. His mind drew up multiple scenarios that would most likely play out with that asshole Stuart. Louis began making a mental list of verbal abuse he would throw at Stuart but he only made it to number eight before Harry walked out of the bathroom. 'Done,' he told Louis. Louis looked at him and he had to take in a very deep breath to steady his pulse. Harry was just too beautiful. That white shirt open to reveal the top of his butterfly tattoo, the sleeves rolled up to just beneath his elbows, his hair up neatly in a tidy bun. Louis walked over to him, stood on tip toes and pecked him on the lips. 'Ready to go?' he asked him. Harry bit his lower lip and avoided his gaze while shifting from one foot to the other. Louis rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically. He knew there was something Harry needed to tell him. His body spoke instead of his mouth. 'What is it Haz?' he asked him as patiently as he could. Harry met his gaze. 'Don't fight them Lou please. What is done is done. We traveled together and there's nothing they can do to take it back or our memories of it. Just please, for me baby, let them say what they want to say without you fighting them back.' Harry held his breath waiting for Louis to yell at him. Louis stared at him in disbelief. 'Are you fucking kidding me right now Haz? You know they will come up with a load of bullshit...' 'I know,' Harry cut him off quickly. 'I know Lou. What's the use of going up against them though? You know they are right. We shouldn't have flown together but we did so let's just take the punishment and be done with it.' Louis laughed sarcastically. 'That is not the fucking point Harry. They don't get to do this...' 'We are to stay hidden regardless Louis,' Harry cut him off. 'Its not like you are fighting them for us to come out. You just go up against them to prove your point that you can defy them. That's all. You don't fight them for us to come out. You just fight them to spite them.' Harry saw the look on Louis' face go from rage, to confusion, to defeat. Harry didn't want to fight with him. He just didn't want to lose him to the darkness of his moods again. He hated it when Louis was angry and frustrated. He was always so lost to him when he was like that, when he drank himself blind to avoid dealing. Harry decided to play on his look of defeat. He walked towards him, standing just inches away from him. He took his hand and played with his fingers. Louis loved it when Harry played with his fingers. 'Baby please just let them do their job. Let them put more rules on us. It won't matter to us or change anything between us. We'll still be us together. Don't give them the satisfaction of upsetting you and angering you. He who angers you, owns you. Don't fall for it. Can you do that for me? Please?' Louis looked up into his green eyes and huffed. 'Fuck Harry! Why do you tie me down like this when you know I can't say fucking no to you?' Harry gave him his dimpled smile and pulled him into his chest hugging him tightly. 'Thank you,' he whispered in his hair. 'I love you so much.' Louis ran his hand up and down Harry's back. Deep down he loved to make his man happy. He owed him some happy. Louis pulled back and grinned at Harry. 'Enough with this shit. Can we go now?' Harry stood rooted to the spot and Louis realized that Harry wasn't done yet. 'What the fuck now Harry?' Louis asked him, shaking his head in annoyance. Harry hesitated before he spoke softly. 'Maybe uhm we... you know shouldn't uhm go down together?' Louis pointed a finger at him. 'Don't you fucking push it. I agreed not to fight back not for anything else. Now let's go.' Harry nodded and followed him, knowing better than to push Louis when he was already feeling anxious. Louis grabbed the key card off the living room table and together they walked out of the suite towards the elevator. Louis pressed the button and the elevator doors dinged open. They stepped inside and again Louis pressed the button for the ground floor. Harry stood beside him, rocking on the balls of his feet and fidgeting with his fingers. Louis glanced at him. 'For God's sake will you just calm the fuck down!' Harry quickly tucked his hands into his jeans pockets. 'Sorry,' he mumbled. The doors of the elevator dinged open out onto a very crowded lobby. Louis and Harry stepped out and looked around for their security. A man in a dark suit approached them. He was unfamiliar to them. 'Mr. Tomlinson, Mr. Styles, I am to escort you to the hotel's conference room. If you just follow me please,' he told them, out stretching his hand to indicate the way. Louis eyed him suspiciously, making sure Harry was behind him not wanting him to be exposed to this man they did not know. 'And you are?' he asked. 'William Gibbs, head of security,' he informed them. They looked at him feeling confused. They had expected Brian and Alex to be here waiting for them. 'But we have our own security,' Harry told him. William nodded. 'I was just informed to escort you. If you would just follow me please,' he told them. Louis and Harry looked at each other and followed the man.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again. I'm back with a few more chapters. Sorry I've been away for a bit. I'm on my summer holidays and I'm taking it easy for a few days before going back to work. So here you go. I do hope you are enjoying this story. Shit is about to fly so be prepared.All the love, M.

Louis and Harry followed him down a carpeted hallway, walking behind him in silence.Out of the corner of his eye, Louis could see Harry fidgeting with his fingers. He wanted to reach out to him and hold his hand, reassure him and ease his worries but Louis was a nervous wreck himself and he knew he couldn't touch Harry in public. The security detail stopped in front of an oak double door at the end of the hallway, pushed the handle down and opened the door. He stepped aside for Harry and Louis to walk through. Once they walked past him, he closed the door behind them. Niall, Zayn and Liam were already seated in the leather executives chairs around the polished oval table and looked up when they entered. Harry was quick to take the seat in between Niall and Zayn, leaving no other option for Louis but to sit either next to Zayn or Liam. He didn't want to cause further trouble by sitting next to Louis, so Louis, much to his annoyance sat down next to Liam, in front of Zayn and Harry.

 

Harry avoided looking at Louis because he knew that he would only scowl at him for not sitting nest to him, instead he engaged himself in conversation with Niall. Louis huffed, feeling rather pissed off at Harry but he tried to understand why he had not sat next to him. It still didn't sit well with Louis. Not even two weeks ago they had been sitting in another conference room much like this one where more rules had been piled on them and Harry had been given a girlfriend. Liam pulled him out of his irritating thoughts.

 

'How you've been Lou?' L.A has worked wonders on you. You look relaxed and tanned,' Liam said, a forced smile on his lips. Louis shot him a look even though he knew that Liam was trying to ease the tension in the room.

 

'I can tell you're shitting me you know right?' Louis snapped at him. Liam sat back and kept quiet. He knew well enough how Louis got when this shit happened and he and Harry had stirred a whole shit storm. Louis kept his eyes on Harry who was laughing with Niall. Louis realized that Harry rarely laughed like that around him anymore and fuck it made his insides twist that Niall was managing to elicit that dimpled, hearty laugh from Harry. Louis couldn't help but realize that sometimes Harry was stressed and nervous around him. No shit Sherlock, his subconscious threw at him, you yell at him whenever you get pissed and let's not forget you slapped him! Louis cursed his subconscious all the way to Bangaladesh.

 

He took in a deep breath. Today he will show Harry that he was capable of handling Modest! like they all did. With calm. With few words. Without cussing them out. Like they all did! Well Harry, Niall and Liam did! Zayn gave them shit like he did and maybe that's why he was closest to Zayn. Internally, he doubted he could keep his chill round Stuart who was a mega prick but he will show Harry that he can be reasonable and adult about this whole situation. He will make Harry proud of him.

 

Zayn leaned across the table. 'So what the fuck happened to Harry's shirt man?' he asked him with a smirk on his face. Louis glared daggers at him.

 

'Shut up Zayn,' he snapped at him but smiled a little, a mischievous glint in his blue eyes. Niall looked from Louis to Harry.

 

'Seriously did you two....?'

 

'Niall just don't fucking go there,' Louis warned him in a playful tone. Harry blushed and looked down and Louis couldn't help the smile that crept on his lips when he saw him blush. His mind went back to how he had taken him in that tiny bathroom, how Harry had gone down on him and he immediately felt pressure in his groin and his jeans tightened a little bit. He shifted uncomfortably in his chair. He didn't miss the stolen glance and small smile Harry gave him from beneath his lowered lashes. The fucker was remembering too! And Louis felt his heart swell. Harry looked relaxed and okay.

 

See how little it takes to make him happy you dick? His subconscious threw at him. His subconscious was always fucking right! Maybe he should start listening to his inner voice a little more closely! He saw Harry throw his head back and laugh at something Niall was saying, the way his eyes crinkled at the sides and his dimples dented his cheeks. Louis realized he missed poking them. Harry used to laugh when he'd do that! Niall had no idea how much he was being blessed with that laugh from Harry and how he wanted to choke him right now for actually making Harry laugh like that.

 

The door opened and Stuart followed by another suited man they did not know walked into the room. They took a seat at the head of the table across from them. Stuart's eyes met Louis' and Louis felt the urge to strangle him with that stupid striped ugly tie he was wearing. The fucking wanker! Stuart smiled a cheesy smile to all of them.

 

'Good morning gentleman. I trust you are all well rested and energized for the upcoming shows which might I add, are all fully sold out. So well done. We are all very proud of you and we could not be happier for you.' Louis resisted the urge to gag at this fake tosser! Stuart gestured to the man sitting beside him.

 

'This is Drew Hillard. He will be our on site representative. He will be with you throughout this tour just in case you need any management assistance. We at Modest! felt the need to have someone on board for your convenience.' He smiled at them again, this time showing off all of his white straight teeth. Louis was beginning to feel the irritation and annoyance creep under his skin ad up his spine. Was he seriously leaving this dick here to keep an eye on them while on tour?

 

'So,' Stuart continued, his smile never leaving his annoying face, 'your first show is tomorrow. We trust that you are comfortable in your suites. Mr. Styles your suite has been booked and you can move into it. Also, Miss Leopold will be joining you for the two shows in Melbourne. She sounded very eager and pleased to see you again.' Harry simply nodded but said nothing. Louis' hands curled into fists under the table, his fingernails digging into the flesh of his palms. This mother fucker was testing him. Louis knew he was playing with him, doing this shit on purpose and he couldn't do or say anything because he had fucking promised Harry he wouldn't. Louis chanced a look at Harry and found him looking at him with those big green eyes of his begging him not to explode. Louis took in a deep shuddering breath trying to control the turmoil inside him.

 

'Mr. Tomlinson,' Stuart called to him and Louis' eyes went directly to him, locking into his cold grey eyes. Louis hoped he could see his hate for him staring back right at him. 'I do not know what you hoped to achieve by defying our strict rules that you and Mr. Styles fly to Australia separately. Whatever it was on your behalf, it will leave nothing of consequence in its wake. As always the fans will ride this out. All they do is speculate and make up imaginary things that do not exist. We know how excited your "fandom" can get and they see things where there is nothing. However...'

 

'Our fans don't make anything up,' Louis told him, his voice quiet and low. He was trying so hard not to tell this fucker that their fans where the ones who actually "saw" what everyone in the rest of the world failed to fucking see. Stuart remained composed.

 

'However once they see you with Miss Calder and Mr. Styles with Miss Leopold, they will soon start questioning "Larry" and doubt themselves which is basically what we at Modest! are aiming for. The more the fans promote you two as a couple, the more we have to force rules upon you and keep you apart. Maybe instead of blaming this on your management, you should perhaps blame it on your fans for blowing every move you make out of proportion and you allow it. Maybe you should start thinking about silencing your fans and begin to put a stop to all this nonsense. Now perhaps repeatedly seeing you in female company, they will begin to understand that there is no truth to their figments of imagination regarding you two. We are pushing for a real relationship between Mr. Styles and Miss Leopold.'

 

Louis felt his insides burn. A real relationship? Over his dead fucking body! Why the fuck did he promise Harry to keep his mouth shut? And silence the fans? They blow nothing out of proportion because they see the truth! This dick head here was taking it too far and Louis wanted nothing more than to smack him across the mouth and wipe that idiotic self-satisfied grin off his silly face! His short nails dug further into the skin of his palm and he was fairly sure he was drawing blood. Stuart smiled again.

 

'No verbal abuse today Mr. Tomlinson?' he taunted him. Everyone shifted uneasily in their seats especially Harry. All eyes where on Louis. They were expecting it! Louis was a ticking time bomb! Harry felt worried now. He knew how it must be killing Louis to not reply and cuss out Stuart and he knew he was doing it only because he had begged him not to. He had made Louis promise him not to fight back and now he could see the effort it was taking Louis to fight the anger building inside of him. His face was drawn and his jaw clenched tight. Harry wanted to get up and hug him tight and tell him it was all okay, that whatever Stuart was saying didn't even matter or mean anything to him. He just wished and hoped Stuart would stop pushing him. He was doing so well!

 

'Okay then,' Stuart continued, seeing than no one had anything to say. 'This afternoon you will start with your rehearsals for the first show. You have an excellent crew working for you and with you. We at Modest! have taken care to chose the best professionals for you for this tour. Also there has been a change in your security team and...'

 

'What?' the five of them chorused together, interrupting Stuart mid-sentence. New security? Louis felt his head about ready to explode. This asshole here wasn't saying what he was saying was he? Louis looked at Harry and Harry knew that Louis had reached his limit for tolerating this bullshit. Stuart took in a deep breath and folded his arms neatly on the table in front of him.

 

'Yes there has been change in the security team. Thanks to Mr. Tomlinson here...'

 

'It was my decision to fly with Harry,' he barked finally flying off the handle. 'I made them cover for us. They had fucking nothing to do with this.'

 

Stuart regarded him coldly, grinning. 'Then Mr. Tomlinson, those are the consequences of your reckless actions. You have been warned several times...'

 

'It wasn't just him,' Harry interrupted him, his voice low and slow. 'I asked them to cover for us too.' He looked down, not wanting to really look at anyone at this particular moment. It was getting too intense in here. How could Modest! just fire them all? Even Paul? Harry felt very upset that because of them this had happened to their team, that they had lost their jobs!

 

Stuart looked at Harry then to Louis, addressing them both. 'You both knew it was against management regulations to stay together while in L.A. Furthermore, you knew it was beyond regulations to travel so publicly together. This is unacceptable...'

 

'Just like your fucking stupid god damn rules and regulations you twat!' Louis screamed at him. Harry jumped a little at Louis' raised voice. 'You fucking fired them all just because Harry and I spent time together you fucking loser. They did nothing. And Paul? What did he do huh? He wasn't even fucking there!' Harry felt panic begin to rise within him. He wanted to calm Louis down but how could he? Harry knew this was not right, that Modest! was taking this too far and he felt awfully sorry that their security team had lost their jobs because of them. He looked at Louis and he looked beyond angry. He looked ready to kill someone.

 

Stuart remained calm at Louis' outburst. He had been expecting this. He really could expect nothing less from Louis. 'Your security team failed to deliver the service that was required of them. Mr. Higgins knew what was expected of him and his team...'

 

'Yeah to keep Harry and I apart right? How fucking stupid is that? It doesn't even make sense. You can't just fucking fire people for that!' Louis' voice boomed around the conference room.

 

'I'm afraid we can Mr. Tomlinson,' Stuart answered, his voice still calm and cold. 'If any part of their contract is breached, we have the right to terminate their employment.' Louis rolled his eyes.

 

'Did part of their job fucking include boyfriend sitting cos they sure as hell weren't our baby fucking sitters. What we do in our private lives had nothing to do with them. They are there for fucking security detail.' Liam put a hand on Louis' arm to silence him but Louis snatched his arm away from Liam's touch. He didn't speak though but just kept glaring at Stuart his eyes burning holes in him. Zayn looked from Louis to Stuart.

 

'Man they've got families. You can't just fire them for no reason because I really see no reason here for them to be fired.' Stuart shifted his gaze from Louis to Zayn.

 

'Mr. Malik we run a business here and its in everyone's best interest that things run smoothly and according to what was signed by all parties involved. Mr. Higgins was well aware of what was requested from him and his team. Being that failed, we are within our legal rights to change anything within this business that no longer serves for the good of all parties involved.' Zayn leaned forward in his chair.

 

'All this is bullshit. Louis and Harry...'

 

'Mr. Malik I will stop you right there as any personal issues you are very much tempted to bring up, will have no effect what so ever on the decision we at Modest! where forced to take. If you feel so sorry for the men that lost their jobs maybe you could take up that issue with Mr. Tomlinson and Mr. Styles.'

 

Louis stood up suddenly, pushing his chair back and slammed both his hands down on the table top. Harry visibly jumped in his seat. 'This is going too fucking far! You fire our security team just because they fucking failed to keep me and Harry apart and get us to do what you fuckers want? This is just fucking ridiculous. I'm done with this shit!' He began walking towards the door.

 

'Mr. Tomlinson sit back down. We are not done yet.' Louis stopped with his trembling hand on the door handle. He didn't like the authority in that dickhead's voice. He didn't like him period. His voice grated on his nerves and he really wanted to smack him. He took in deep breaths to calm himself down and forced himself to think of Harry. Harry. Harry. He turned around and found all eyes in the room on him but his eyes only found Harry's. They locked into those emerald gems and in there he saw the silent please, begging him to calm down, pleading with him to let go of his anger. He also saw fear again and that killed him. He cursed himself for losing it again. You couldn't keep your shit together and stay true to your word to him, his subconscious threw at him. You let him down and hurt him repeatedly. You are nothing but a loser. Louis knew his subconscious was right as always and it angered him further that he had no control over himself or the situation.

 

He slowly walked back to his chair and sat down. Harry's eyes followed his every movement but Louis couldn't bring himself to look at him again. He knew he had broken his word to him and had lashed out. He had let this prick make him break his word to Harry. And that made him even more angry and upset.

 

When Louis was sat back in his place, Stuart coughed and straightened his back. 'As of now, you have a new team of security. Mr. William Gibbs is the new head of security. You will each be appointed a personal security more of a bodyguard if you will. They will accompany you and see to all your necessary safety measures and personal care and that of your fans.' Zayn scoffed.

 

'In other words we will be monitored 24/7. Will they "accompany" us while we take a piss too?' Stuart eyed Zayn coldly.

 

'Mr. Malik, we at Modest! feel that your safety is our first and top most priority...'

 

'That's bullshit!' Louis muttered. Stuart took in a deep breath, his patience wearing thin.

 

'We are here to answer any questions you might have regarding the tour and any new arrangements. As for the rest, well I think I have made myself clear as how to things will be. Drew here will be on board for anything you might need and he will report directly to me...'

 

'So he's like your watch dog?' Zayn asked, cocking an eyebrow. Stuart shot him an icy look.

 

'For one he will keep an eye on you Mr. Malik to make sure you don't go off and get wasted and cheat on your girlfriend yet again and please Mr. Malik do not try to deny the rumors again. We all know what really happened and we don't need those types of problems to tarnish your image further. Problems like that we tend to avoid. We cannot have you unleashed and turn this band into a freak show Mr. Malik.' Both Zayn and Louis opened their mouths simultaneously to throw another string of profanities at Stuart but it was Liam who spoke before they could.

 

'Don't you think that's a bit too harsh? You seem to forget that, One Direction aside, we are normal people, just normal young men from normal families. We are not just One Direction.' Liam kept his eyes on Stuart hoping that Zayn and Louis would just shut up and not make things worse then they already were. Stuart smiled at Liam.

 

'We have not forgotten that Mr. Payne. However, you must not forget the contract that binds you to us. This is a business and as a business we must protect our assets as those of the investors invested in you. If your personal activities coincide with those requested of you, then by all means we have no problems with that. On the other hand, if you do things that get into the media which is hurtful to your careers, then you leave us no choice but to take the necessary precautions to protect this business.'

 

They all remained silent. This was a battle they would always lose and they knew it. Liam looked from Louis to Zayn and he could tell that they were vastly pissed off. Harry looked...Harry looked worried and Niall was just being him, not particularly phased by Modest! Niall had told them many times that they would never get one over Modest! and that it was useless to go up against them. Liam was beginning to see that Niall was right. Stuart took in a deep breath.

 

'Well, seeing you have no further arguments to bring up or questions to ask, this meeting is done. Your first rehearsal is at 2 pm. Please do not be late. We have found you an excellent crew to work with so be professional like you always are.'

 

They all got up and pushed their chairs back, glad that the meeting was over and done with. They walked towards the door one after the other.

 

'Mr. Tomlinson,' Stuart said stopping Louis in his tracks. 'If we could have a word in private please.' Louis looked at the lads but his eyes rested on Harry. He nodded at them to go on ahead as he turned back into the room.

 

Liam being the last to exit the room, closed the door behind him. They stood in the corridor and looked at each other. Their eyes rested on Harry. Everyone worried about Harry because Harry worried a lot. For everyone and everything. He looked pale and was fidgeting nervously with his fingers.

 

'Motherfuckers,' Zayn grumbled.

 

'What do you think they want with him?' Niall asked nodding his head towards the closed door. Harry twisted the rings on his fingers nervously.

 

'I...I uhm told him travelling together would uhm....be a bad idea. He uhm.....just wouldn't listen,' he told them, his deep voice shaking. 'It uhm....wasn't all his fault though yet he's uhm....getting the blame for it.' Liam put a hand on his shoulder.

 

'Harry, we don't know what they want to talk to him about,' he tried reassuring him but there was no reassuring Harry. Louis didn't need this! They were putting too much pressure on him and he was going to be mad and very angry and Harry was going to lose his light to the darkness again. He couldn't have Louis go back there!

 

'I should be in there with him. This isn't all his fault. They are going to blame it all on him,' he told them panic in his voice. Niall grabbed Harry by his upper shoulders.

 

'Harry hey calm down okay. You did nothing wrong and neither did Louis. Yes your relationship is a big no with them, and they will always be dicks about it. Just calm down okay. Lets go and have some tea yeah.' Harry shook his head.

 

'I'm going to wait for him here. You guys go ahead and we'll catch up with you when he's done okay.'

 

'We can wait with you,' Zayn offered.

 

'I'll be fine,' Harry told him. 'You go on ahead.'

 

Reluctantly, they left Harry alone. He looked at the closed door and wished so badly to be in there with Louis. At least it was quiet in there which meant that Louis wasn't yelling and fighting them. Harry paced the corridor not really knowing what to do with himself. He looked at his watch. Ten minutes he's been in there already. Harry felt like he was going to lose his mind. He was debating weather or not to knock or just open the door and barge in...save his Louis from them.

 

He walked the length of the corridor for what felt like the millionth time then walked back down to the closed doors behind which Louis was. Before he turned to pace up the corridor again, the door flung open and out walked Louis, his face flushed, his jaw set and a look of anger on his face.

 

'Louis,' Harry breathed in relief. 'What happened? Louis walked past him.

 

'Not now Harry,' he snapped at him as he walked hurriedly up the corridor. Harry's long legs easily caught up with Louis. He grabbed his arm gently just over the elbow and pulled him to a stop.

 

'Louis...' but Louis turned on him, his face full of rage and snatched his arm out of Harry's gentle grasp.

 

'Which part of fucking not now did you not get Harry?' he screamed into his face. Instinctively, Harry took an involuntary step back away from him.

 

'I...I just...'

 

'You just fucking what?' Louis yelled at him. 'Just leave me the fuck alone right now Harry. Don't you fucking understand anything?' Harry stared at him. He could feel the tears burning behind his eyes. Not again Lou! Not again! He wanted to grab him and shake him out of it. He wanted his happy Louis back.

 

'Sorry,' he only whispered to him. Louis glared at him then turned on his heels and hurried away, taking with him Harry's crushed heart.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for reading Outing Larry. I truly appreciate it. Here's another one. Have tissues ready. All the love, M.

Two hours later Harry sat with Liam and Niall in the van on the way to the venue for their first rehearsal of the tour. He was lost in thought thinking about what had happened in that room to make Louis so angry and not wanting to talk to him about it. He wasn't surprised that he had yet again taken it out on him and like always Harry knew that he would apologize later and say he didn't mean it and promise that he wouldn't do it again. He had lost count of how many times he had heard that.

 

He hadn't seen Louis since he had left that conference room earlier in the day. He felt sad that Louis had lashed out at him because of someone else but then again Harry thought it was best he took it out on him rather than someone else because where as he always forgave him, others might not be so forgiving. He reckoned he should be used to Louis taking it out on him by now, but it still hurt and Harry didn't like it. It hurt bad that Louis couldn't just talk out his situation with him instead of yelling at him and cursing him and calling him names. Harry felt a nudge on his arm.

 

'Earth to Harry,' Niall told him smiling brightly at him. Harry looked at Niall's grinning face. Niall always managed to brighten up their darkest situations.

 

'Sorry,' he mumbled. Sorry was slowly becoming a word that was taking up a permanent residence in his vocabulary.

 

'What happened with Louis?' Niall asked him. Harry shrugged.

 

'I don't know.'

 

Niall frowned. 'You don't know?', he asked a little skeptically because Louis and Harry kept nothing from each other.

 

Harry shook his head. 'He didn't tell me anything about what happened in that room. He just...he uhm...' Harry lowered his head and played with the ring on his index finger. Liam looked at him sympathetically.

 

'He blew up on you again did he?' he asked him. Harry said nothing. He kept looking down twisting his ring on his finger. Liam turned in his seat to look at him.

 

'Harry, you can't keep on letting him take it out on you for anything that goes wrong,' Liam explained to him softly. He knew how sensitive Harry was. Harry raised his head and looked at Liam.

 

'It's...it's okay really. It's just the was he is. I'm...uhm used to it.'

 

Liam sighed. 'That's the point Harry. You shouldn't be used to it. Its not fair on you that every time something goes wrong he explodes on you. A relationship doesn't work that way and many things can and will go wrong.'

 

'I love him,' Harry said quietly. Liam smiled.

 

'That you do, no doubt about that. Still, you shouldn't tolerate his behavior. He's taking you too much for granted.' Niall saw the sad look on Harry's face.

 

'Where is he anyway?' he asked. Liam's gaze met Niall's.

 

'He went ahead to the venue with Zayn and...' he paused and looked at Harry. 'And Eleanor.' Harry bit down on his lip and looked down again. So he's with her already. Louis and Eleanor. And he had to once again watch from the sidelines. Watch him be with her! Harry huffed. Niall put his arm around his shoulder.

 

'Hey you can do this right? You've done it for four years already. What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger yeah.' Harry looked at him with sad eyes.

 

'And it wasn't easy but its not like I have a choice in the matter.'

 

Liam took in a deep breath. 'We know Harry. We know how it tore you apart seeing him with her but you were strong and mature enough about it to know that it was necessary back then just like it is necessary now. And you trusted Louis because, and we have to admit this, you guys need Eleanor.' Harry looked out of the window.

 

'Louis is kinda changing. He is drinking too much and his temper. Sometimes it gets the best of him, like he loses control. It pushes him over the edge like when he hit...' Harry stopped suddenly when he realized what he was about to say but Liam and Niall had caught that. They both stared at him. Niall turned in his seat and faced Harry.

 

'Who did he hit Harry?' Harry just shook his head and said nothing. He shouldn't have let it slip. Niall gripped his arm a little tightly and turned him to face him.

 

'Harry, did he hit you?' he asked him. Harry felt nervous and he bit down harder on his lip. Niall kept glaring at him, not releasing his arm. Harry looked into his blue eyes.

 

'He...he didn't mean to. He was upset because of Nadine and...and he got upset and we were arguing and he...he slapped me but really he didn't mean it.'

 

'Fuck!' Niall exclaimed, letting go of Harry's arm. 'Son of a bitch! How can he fucking do that? To you of all people! After all the shit you put up with.' Harry felt panic rise inside him.

 

'Niall I...I love him and really he didn't mean to. He's okay mostly....' he trailed off.

 

'Harry that's no excuse,' Liam told him. 'You had to be with Nadine because they were all there and expected it from you. I was there! I saw how all their eyes were on you. What they were expecting of you. You did nothing wrong. Surely Louis knows that!' Harry pressed his lips together because he felt like he was going to cry. He hadn't meant to tell them and make Louis look bad. Louis was kind and sweet and a great person. He didn't want them to see him otherwise just because he made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes.

 

'It was only one time,' Harry whispered, defending Louis the best he could. 'He really felt bad about it afterwards.'

 

'He'd better not fucking do it again!' Niall growled. 'What the fuck is wrong with him?' Harry looked at him.

 

'He just gets upset when I'm with someone. He really didn't mean it. It's no big deal.'

 

Liam gave him a concerned look. 'Don't make excuses for him Harry. Getting angry because he's jealous doesn't give him the right to bully you,' Liam told him kindly. Harry looked away from him feeling ashamed. He didn't want them to think Louis was abusive or a bully. It was just his way of being and he accepted and loved him as he was, with all his faults. They had to see that there was more good in Louis.

 

'I am not making excuses for him,' Harry told them. 'I know Louis. He is not like that. He won't do it again. He...it just slipped.' Niall laughed sarcastically.

 

'He needs to calm the fuck down.' Harry looked from one to the other.

 

'Please don't tell him I told you. He would get...'

 

'Pissed off and take it out on you?' Niall finished for him. 'What's fucking new?' Harry gave him a pleading look but didn't say anything because he knew that if Louis found out he had told them, he would get pissed off at him.

 

'He's not like that Niall,' Harry defended. 'He just finds it hard to deal with things. He's still the same Louis you know.'

 

Niall scowled. 'Yeah on his sober days. Don't think we haven't noticed his heavy drinking Harry even though you cover up for him.' Harry took in a deep breath, held it and exhaled slowly. Liam gave Niall a warning look.

 

'Harry we are just concerned about you...' Harry looked at Liam and stared into his brown eyes.

 

'I'm okay. Really. Louis is not abusive. What happened was just an accident...'

 

'Are you fucking kidding me Harry? He yells at you and not talk to you for days while you follow him like a beaten puppy begging him to just look at you. He drinks until he passes out and now he slaps you! What's next?'

 

'Niall,' Liam warned. Harry ran a hand nervously through his hair.

 

'Niall I love him. I would do anything for him and forgive him anything because you guys don't know him the way I do. Yes he can be difficult at times but its Louis. Come on you know he's not like that. Please just don't tell anyone about this especially not Louis. He's not proud of what he did and it weighs down on him. I don't want anyone looking at him differently just because he made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes Niall.' Niall rolled his eyes.

 

'He keeps making mistakes Harry. I am fucking tempted to call your sister. Gemma would put his ass in place.' Harry felt the color drain from his face.

 

'No you can't....'

 

'We won't tell anyone Harry,' Liam reassured him, giving Niall a look. 'Promise.' Liam kept looking at Niall. 'Promise Niall?' Niall huffed.

 

'What the fuck ever. But just so you both know, I am not okay with this. Harry I love you like a brother and if you were my brother I would talk you out of this relationship. I hate seeing you sad man.' Harry smiled at him. He loved Niall so much.

 

'He won't do it again. And I am not sad Niall. Louis makes me more happy than sad. Really. Please Niall we're all best mates here. Don't look at him differently. I shouldn't have said anything.' They looked at each other for a few seconds till Niall huffed and let it go. He had to let it go for Harry but he also knew he would be keeping a close eye on him now that he knew about this.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back with another chapter. While I'm still on my holidays I thought maybe you would like it if I uploaded daily. Enjoy. All the love, M.

Harry, Liam and Niall made their way into the gigantic stadium, looking around them in awe as they followed their new security team down a large wide corridor. They were not used to them and felt awkward with the new team especially Harry since he was quite certain they would not allow him and Louis to be together. They were led in silence to what they assumed where lounge areas where rugby and football players relaxed before and after their matches. Their three security stopped in front of a door with a metal label stuck in the middle of it that said VIP Lounge. One of them pushed the door open and he allowed them to walk in, then they followed them in and closed the door, standing round the room. They never relaxed with them like their other team had done. They had been more like family. These were like soldiers trained to guard.

 

They stepped into a large room with couches, large plasma TV's, hanging up in the corners of the room and tables with refreshments on them. Harry noticed that Zayn and Louis where there already, along with Louis' mates Calvin, Stan and Oli, sprawled on the couches, laughing and drinking beer. Harry frowned. He didn't like Louis' friends especially Calvin. He always regarded Harry with a look that Harry did not like. They were always hanging around Louis but Louis loved them so whether Harry like them or not, was of no concern. He had to accept them since they were Louis' friends. He also noticed, to his horror, that Eleanor was sitting on Louis lap, her arm draped around his shoulders and his arm was around her waist, holding her. Harry's eyes took in that close, intimate contact with the realization that it was not needed since there were no paps or media in here, therefore there was no reason at all why Eleanor should be sitting on his lap. And furthermore, why was even Louis letting her sit on his lap and hold him like that? He never liked her touching him and he certainly never liked touching her!

 

Looking at him, Harry also realized that Louis no longer look pissed like he had a few hours ago. He was laughing and drinking with Zayn and his mates and holding Eleanor in his damn lap! Eleanor turned her head slowly and her eyes met Harry's. She curved her lips into a small, smug smile that made Harry's insides twist. She kept her eyes locked into his and that smile on her lips and Harry knew that she knew something he didn't. He didn't like this! This was wrong and it made his stomach uneasy.

 

Louis and Zayn turned their heads simultaneously in their direction. 'Hey,' Zayn greeted them, 'about time you three tossers got here. We thought you got lost or summit in this big ass stadium.' Liam and Niall flopped down on a couch opposite them and started talking with Zayn and Louis but Harry remained rooted by the door, unable to move or function.

 

As he stood there willing his mind to understand what was going on but failing miserably, Louis turned to look at him and their eyes met for a brief second but Louis quickly looked away and turned his attention back to something Calvin was saying while Eleanor still sat in his lap and played with the short hair at the nape of his neck and his arm was still securely wrapped around her waist holding her close. Harry felt confused and couldn't understand what was going on here. If he was the one with his beard sitting in his lap and playing with his hair and holding her close, Louis would have his head already. Literally!

 

He made himself move through the confusion in his head and he crossed the room to sit down beside Niall who was laughing loudly as usual and slapping Zayn on the back as he leaned across the small space between the couches while Zayn shrugged and told him to fuck off! Harry looked at Louis but Louis was not looking at him. He was teasing Oli about something, making Cal and Stan laugh out loud. He watched as Eleanor bent closer to Louis' ear, whispered something in his ear and he threw his head back and laughed loudly...his eye crinkling laugh as his hand slipped from her waist to settle on her hip. Harry looked on bewildered. What the fuck was going on? Louis had never ever been with her like that. He had never laughed like that with her!

 

'Haz hey did you hear me?' Niall asked him as he nudged him in the ribs with his elbow. Harry blinked and looked at him, tearing his eyes away from the "couple" in front of him. What upset him the most was that Louis was totally ignoring him and was more interested in Eleanor! He had never done that before. He always always gave Harry his attention regardeless of who was in the room or who he was with. His attention had always belonged to Harry.

 

'What?' he asked Niall. Niall clapped him on the back.

 

'We'll be on in ten minutes after McBusted are done. Are you ready?' Harry furrowed his eyebrows trying to process what Niall was saying. Harry shook his head hoping to clear the confusion.

 

'Yeah okay sure I...uhm just need to uhm...use the bathroom,' he told Niall getting up off the couch. He had to get out of this room. He couldn't breathe in here. What the hell was happening? He walked towards the door they had come in through and immediately his security made to follow him. Harry turned to face him.

 

'I'm just going to use the bathroom yeah. You can stay here. No need to follow me there too. I will be fine,' he told him politely. His security looked uncertain but nodded and let him walk out. As soon as the door closed behind him, Harry took in a deep breath, closed his eyes and leaned his back against the wall. Why was Eleanor here? Now? When she was not needed? And why was she sitting in Louis lap and why was he even allowing it and looking like he was enjoying her sitting on him? And why is he ignoring me? Harry thought. This was new and so not Louis!

 

He opened his eyes and looked down the corridor and saw the bathroom sign a few doors down. Would Louis follow him? He always followed him. Louis had to know that that display in there would effect him. He had to! He wanted Louis to follow him because he needed to know if he was okay after that meeting with management and he wanted to ask him why was he letting Eleanor sit in his lap and why the fuck he was letting her touch him. He never let her sit in his lap not even when paps where around! The most he did was hold her hand or place his hand on her waist! And it was always minimal. And he had always hated it! No wonder the fans caught it!

 

Harry pushed open the bathroom door and he was glad it was empty. He turned on the faucet and splashed some cold water on his face. He could feel his cheeks burning in there especially since Eleanor had been smiling that annoying, smug smile at him as if she were telling him that Louis was hers now! Harry scoffed! As if! What was hers was a monthly pay cheque from Modest! That's all she was he reminded himself. A job! She was just a fucking job to help closet them. She would never take Louis away from him!

 

He looked at his reflection in the mirror and his eyes looked haunted. Harry couldn't help but feel something in the pit of his stomach, a feeling he couldn't quite put his finger on it yet he couldn't shake it off. He heard the bathroom door open and he sighed with relief. Louis! Of course he would come to see how he was doing after that display! Harry was ready to cry from relief but when he turned, it was Liam standing there. His heart fell and Liam saw it on his face.

 

'Are you okay?' Liam asked him. Harry nodded but didn't speak. Liam licked his lips.

 

'You know its nothing yeah? Its all part of the job.' Harry bit his lower lip.

 

'There's no one to stunt for though,' he told him, his voice low. Liam walked towards him and put a hand on his shoulder.

 

'Harry just don't think too much into things. He hasn't seen her for a while and despite the fact that she's his beard, Louis and Eleanor have been friends for a long time. Like those three idiots in there with him. Besides, we have new security. We don't know if we can trust them yet. You and Louis are fine. You and I both know where his heart is.' Harry looked at Liam uncertain.

 

'I know. Its just lately things have been strained and Louis has been stressed and now after that meeting....' His voice trailed off. He had too many fears in him, to many whys and what ifs clouding his mind. 'I just worry about him,' he said quietly.

 

'Don't Harry! Don't do this to yourself. You know more than everyone how Louis is. He is loud and fun loving and king of sass!' Liam laughed and Harry had no choice but to grin. It was true. Louis loved his mates. He loved to party and go clubbing with them. Many nights Harry had waited up for him to come back from some party or club but he had always came back to him. Always! Now Louis felt distant and Harry did not like it.

 

'I guess. I just need to know what they told him in there. Its like he's avoiding me! He won't even look at me.' Harry didn't mean for that to come out like a whine but it did. He was upset. He had every right to be upset. Though unlike Louis, he wasn't going to take it out no him. He would never take out his frustrations on Louis. Harry knew there was a logical explanation for everything and he was pretty sure Louis had one.

 

'How can he avoid you Harry? You're in his face 24/7. He will tell you when he's ready to tell you. Its how Louis works. Now let's go. I think McBusted are done.' Harry took in a deep breath, raked his fingers through his long curls a couple of times and nodded.

 

Together they walked out of the bathroom and no sooner did they step out into the corridor, they saw the others filing out of the VIP lounge. Harry looked at Louis' back as he walked hand in hand with Eleanor beside Zayn and Niall, surrounded by his mates, all of them laughing and messing around. His eyes couldn't leave their joined hands, how their fingers were laced together. Why? There was no one around here not even that dude from Modest! that Stuart left to watch them. It was just them! Harry ran a hand through his hair and tugged, suddenly feeling tired and anxious. What had happened since this morning when they woke up wrapped up in each other, in love and reluctant to leave what they had and go back to the real world? And now Louis hadn't even so much as set his eyes on him.

 

He was aware of Liam walking beside him, his eyes on him. Harry realized he was aware of many things all of a sudden and all of them had to do with Louis. He had to talk to Louis. He needed to know what the fuck was going on. It was the beginning of a tour and he couldn't go through it feeling like this. He hated feeling anxious.

 

They all stopped back stage and greeted the guys from McBusted and the guys from their band who were ready to go on too. Louis, Zayn, Liam, Niall, Cal, Oli and Stan all joked around with the guys, after all they were going to be on tour with them for months. Harry realized he was just standing there, looking at everything going on around him as if from outside his body. He wasn't participating. He took a deep breath choosing to forget all the confusion for the moment because he had a job to do and he joined in, smiling at everyone, shaking hands and saying hello. Maybe he was just over thinking things like he always did. Plans were being made to meet up later that night for drinks.

 

Then they were having ear pieces stuck in their ears and microphones shoved in their hands while being ushered on stage. Louis was standing beside Eleanor and Harry had to walk past them to go on stage. He took a step then he froze when he saw Louis lean in and peck Eleanor on her lips and she smile into the kiss and whisper good luck to him. Simultaneous things happened next. Harry felt his heartbeat fast, stutter in his chest then beat even faster, he felt his blood run cold, his breath rattled in his lungs and a sweat broke out from what seemed every pore in his body. What was Louis doing? What was he playing at? What was worse though, was that Louis never once acknowledged his presence and he was standing right there, in front of him! Not even five fucking steps away from him and he was kissing her right in front of his face! Harry wanted to vomit.

 

Harry realized that despite how much he tried not to hate Eleanor because he wasn't the type who hated on people, he hated her right now. Detested her even! Especially since she was looking straight at him with that smug smirk on her lips. He wanted to slap that smirk off her face and yell at Louis and shake him by the shoulders and maybe even slap him too. No, no, no he told himself, I am not like that, this is not me! My mother raised me better! He watched as Louis jogged off on stage. Harry shook his head, took in a few deep breaths to calm his racing heart and cleared his mind for the time being. He reminded himself that he had a job to do. He will worry about all this later. He walked past Eleanor, not daring to look at her because he really couldn't see that victorious smile on her face. Because that was what it was; a victorious smile. Did she think she had won Louis' heart? Harry internally laughed! Louis' heart was his! It belonged to him and this beard who had no self respect or job to fall so low as to accept money to help closet them, had another thing coming if she thought she was going to take Louis away from him!

 

After an hour of rehearsals and sound checking, they left the stage drenched in sweat but satisfied. God it was hot in Australia! Their crew were brilliant, very professional, the song list had been carefully arranged compromising a list of songs for the Australian audience who had not been included in their previous tour and they had run through their performance perfectly. There had been only one complication: Louis refused to have 'No Control' on the set list even though they had rehearsed it. He informed Drew from Modest! to inform Stuart that he wasn't ready to perform 'No Control.' Drew insisted that that was the set list they had to perform but Louis made it clear to him that he would not sing it! He was adamant about it.

 

Harry felt confused as to why Louis refused to sing 'No Control.' It was his song! He had written it! He had the lead on it! It was his chance to shine, to show off his beautiful voice. Why didn't he want to sing it? Harry made a mental note to ask him about it and change his mind because he wasn't going to let him miss this chance!

 

Louis and Zayn were the first off the stage. Harry hurried to catch up with Louis but as soon as he got backstage he saw Louis with his arm wrapped around Eleanor's waist walking towards the exit with Zayn, Cal, Oli and Stan. He stared at them as they left not really understanding what was going on here, why Louis was acting this way. They always started a rehearsal together and left together just as they did concerts, so what had changed?

 

He pulled his phone out of his jeans pocket.

 

[To Louis]

Hey are you okay? I need to talk to you.

 

He hit the send button and stuffed the phone back in his pocket. He felt lost.

 

'Ready to go?' Liam asked him.

 

'That was awesome,' Niall told them happily. 'Its so great to be back on tour. I love it. I feel alive when we perform.' He chatted on and on till they were outside the venue. Harry looked around but there was no sign of Louis or the others. They got in the van. Harry checked his phone. Nothing. His text said that it had been sent five minutes ago and yet there was no reply from Louis. Louis never ignored him. Until now and Harry didn't like the feeling. It hurt and it made him feel sick. He composed another text.

 

[To Louis]

Lou did you get my msg?

 

He tapped send again and watched as the message said 'sent.' He watched the screen and waited. Waited for it to light up and beep. Nothing. He huffed. He was about to text him again but Liam put his hand over his, covering the phone.

 

'He'll text you Harry,' he told him quietly. Harry looked at Liam.

 

'Do you know something I don't?' he asked him, his voice flat.

 

'No Harry I don't. If I did trust me I would tell you.' Harry held his gaze for a second then nodded and just sat in silence, looking down at his phone in his hand hoping to see a text from Louis but nothing came in.

 

By the time they got to the hotel half an hour later, there was no message from Louis and Harry was feeling desperate. Louis had never done this before. When they'd fight he would yell and curse at him and yeah maybe not talk to him for a while but not ignoring him like this. When they stepped inside the hotel, his security handed him the key card to his suite and informed him that his luggage had already been moved to his suite. Harry thanked him and walked to the elevator. He pushed the button for the eighth floor and decided to stop by Louis' suite to talk to him. Louis just had to acknowledge him and give him a fucking explanation for his irrational behavior.

 

He got off the elevator and headed down towards Louis' suite. He tried to think of what he wanted to say to him and try to remember the things he wanted to ask but he was so worried about this whole thing, so out of character even for Louis, that he forgot.

 

He stopped in front of his door, where just hours ago they had slept together and showered together and he knocked, trying to not get ahead of himself here. Liam was probably right and Louis was acting like this because of their new security. What Harry wasn't expecting however was for the door to be answered by Eleanor, in just a towel and wet hair! Harry looked at her stunned. Why had Louis changed suites and not tell him? Where did he go?

 

'I'm...uhm...I'm sorry....I uhm....must've got uhm the wrong suite,' he stuttered. She smiled at him, a fake, cheesy smile that made Harry's insides cringe.

 

'You want Louis?' she asked him in her sweet soft voice that made Harry's skin crawl. Harry stared at her, his brain not making the connection.

 

'He's here?' he asked her, feeling like a total idiot.

 

'Well this is his suite so yeah he's here but right now he's in the shower so I'll tell him you stopped by yeah?' She gave him another smile, so wide it must've hurt her cheeks and closed the door in Harry's face. Harry felt his breath being knocked out of him. This wasn't happening. This just wasn't fucking happening! There was a mistake here. What was she doing in Louis' suite? In just a towel? Harry's vision blurred and he realized he had tears in his eyes. He took out his phone.

 

[To Louis]

Louis please what's going on? What is El doing in your suite? Please don't ignore me any more. It's killing me. Did I do something? Just please please talk to me Lou. I'm worried and scared.

 

He tapped send and again watched the message say 'sent.' There was no way Louis was not getting his messages. Harry took in a deep shuddering breath, wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and walked towards his suite feeling defeated.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning lovely people. Still on my holidays so here's another chapter or two. Enjoy. All the love, M.

Their first concert of their On The Road Again tour was a success. A sold out stadium which easily hosted 71,000 screaming fans. Louis rushed off stage before the others, depositing his microphone into the hands of a member of the crew whilst taking off his ear pieces and shoving them in his hands unceremoniously, in a hurry to get out. Adrenaline still coursed through his veins, his ears ringing from all the screaming and the loud music. He felt satisfied though because they had done an amazing job and pleased the crowd and management. As always!

 

He hurried to the VIP lounge they were using as their multi purpose room: wardrobe, hair and make up. The other VIP lounge, the one they had been assigned to yesterday, they were using for chilling in and relaxing. Louis needed to get there before the others, he needed a few minutes to bring himself down from the high he always got from performing to their lovely, awesome fans. They never failed to amaze them and the support they always got from them was incredible. He loved performing for them and he really put his heart and soul into every show, only, tonight his heart and mind where somewhere else.

 

He pushed open the door to VIP lounge number two and breathed a sigh of relief thankful of the silence of the room. He walked over to the couch and plopped down on it, picking up his phone where he had left it on the small table before the show. 25 texts from Harry and 6 missed calls also from Harry, not counting yesterday's missed calls and texts. Louis sighed, ignoring once again the texts and calls. He really didn't want to know what Harry wanted though he had an inkling as to what the contents of those missed calls and text messages contained. He just didn't want to hear it. Hear him. He wanted none of it!

 

'So you do check your phone?' Harry's voice startled him. Louis looked up and saw Harry standing just inside the door. Damn it! He hadn't heard him come in. Louis kept his eyes on him for a few seconds, taking the sight of Harry in. Harry was dressed all in black, his hair up in a bun and he looked sweaty and tired but most of all he looked sad. Louis pushed his sweaty fringe to the side out of his eyes nervously, his heart beating fast in his chest. He didn't want to be alone with him! Being on stage with him was one thing, being alone with him was another and Louis didn't want that.

 

'Yeah I was gonna...'

 

'Reply after ignoring me all day yesterday and today?' Harry asked him in a low voice. Louis could tell that he was hurt. Why couldn't he just go away? He didn't have time for this or the energy either. Harry walked over to him and sat on the couch beside him, not too close. He could hear his pulse beating in his ears, or maybe it was the echo of the loud music? He couldn't be sure but what he was sure of was that his heart was not racing from just being on stage but from all the emotions Louis had been making him feel for the past two days. Never in almost five years have they gone by two whole days without talking or texting or being in contact with each other in some way even if it was arguing and yelling at each other. This was a first.

 

Louis looked him straight in the eyes and Harry couldn't help the chill that ran over his skin. Louis' blue eyes were cold, emotionless, empty. 'I was busy,' he told him flatly, looking down at his phone again avoiding Harry's pleading eyes. He just didn't want to fucking be alone with him. Harry winced inwardly. That hurt.

 

'Busy with Eleanor?' he asked him quietly. Louis shrugged, not looking up at Harry.

 

'Something like that,' he replied casually. Harry took in a deep, shuddering breath.

 

'Louis what's wrong with you? Why is she in your suite? Why are you being distant with me? Did I do something wrong?' His voice was pleading. Louis swallowed thickly but said nothing. Harry turned in his seat to face Louis, his knees brushing the side of Louis' thigh. He felt the urgent need to grab his shoulders and shake him just to get a reaction out of him, any reaction even if he yelled and cursed. He needed a reaction out of Louis, he wanted him to not ignore him any longer. 'What happened since yesterday Lou? We were okay yesterday now...it's...it's like you don't know me. Baby please...' Harry begged him. Harry kept his eyes on Louis but Louis did not look at him. He kept looking at his damn phone and Harry just wanted to grab it from his hands and fling it across the room. That would get a reaction out of him!

 

Harry reached out and placed his hand on Louis' arm but Louis was quick to pull his arm away and Harry felt like he had been slapped across the face. Again. He swallowed hard and watched as Louis scooted away from him and ran his fingers through his messy hair then finally bring his eyes to meet Harry's.

 

'Look Harry,' Louis told him in a low voice, 'I think that maybe they are right...'

 

'Who is right about what?' Harry asked him cutting him off, his eyes fixed on Louis. Louis bit the inside of his cheek.

 

'About us being with Eleanor and Nadine. I'm sorry I was such a dick about her. I'm sure she's awesome and you seem to like her....'

 

'Wait, wait what?' Harry exclaimed cutting Louis off. Louis looked down and played with his phone.

 

'Harry you should be with Nadine,' he told him flatly. Harry stared at him with his mouth open.

 

'And you should be with Eleanor?' he asked him. Louis remained silent. Harry took in a deep breath.

 

'You don't mean that Lou,' Harry told him quietly, 'not after all...'

 

'Maybe I do,' Louis interrupted him, his voice cold. 'Maybe it will be better for everyone if we were just friends.' Harry stared at him with wide eyes not believing what he was hearing.

 

'Just friends? Are you fucking kidding me right now Lou? After all we've been though? Seriously?' Louis met his eyes and Harry saw he was serious, dead serious. He shook his head. 'No Lou, you can't possibly mean it. Don't let them convince you...'

 

'Nobody fucking convinced me of anything alright!' he yelled and Harry flinched. The pain in his heart was too much already and he couldn't handle Louis yelling at him right now but he wanted a reaction and he was getting one.

 

'So you're telling me all this is your idea?' Harry asked him. He could barely speak from the knot in his throat. Louis fidgeted with his fingers, not looking at Harry.

 

'I think it would be better for the both of us if...' he began but Harry cut him off.

 

'I don't believe you,' Harry told him, his voice hoarse from the lump in his throat. He knew he was going to cry if Louis kept this up. He could feel the tears burning behind his eyes as he looked at the love of his entire life sitting right there next to him telling him they were better off as friends and that they should have girlfriends. Why was Louis talking all this shit? 'Louis,' he whispered, 'please, look me in the eyes and tell me that...that we are better off without each other, that we're better off as friends and that we should have girlfriends. Look me right in the eyes and tell me that.' Louis lifted his head and looked at Harry, his blue eyes meeting Harry's teary green eyes.

 

'How is any of this ever going to work Harry? We can never be. We're too fucking public. You and I are just pretend. We have to hide and this...what we have is causing problems for everyone. We can't even fucking go out and be seen together because someone might snap a picture like what happened in Wellington? You remember that huh? We were on You Tube in less than half a fucking hour. We traveled together to Sydney and what happened? We were all over fucking Twitter in ten minutes. There are fan made videos of us and fan fictions and fucking photo shopped pictures of you and me kissing and fucking and holding hands when we've never even done any of that shit in public. I don't want to be outed. This has gone too fucking far for too long and I can't deal with it any longer.' Harry gasped. Louis' words hit him like a ton of bricks.

 

'Please Louis don't say that. We are not pretend. Nothing about us is pretend. The past five years have NOT been pretend. We'll hide better I promise. The fans will...'

 

'The fans will what Harry? They see everything. They know everything. They have been fucking right all along and they put it out there. They forcefully opened our fucking closet door and put us out there. They are just waiting for the moment we officially come out and I'll never do that! I'll never come out! I...can't do this anymore. Its become too complicated and I don't want to do it anymore. It can never work between you and I. We have to hide and get told to stay away from each other and I'm fine with that. Its never going to amount to anything more anyway. I just can't. Besides, we can't be that selfish and not think of how it might effect others. See what happened to Paul and our security team? That was all because of us, of this fucking thing we have and I'm not having anymore of it.' Harry swallowed as the first of his tears rolled down his cheeks. Why was Louis saying all this?

 

'Louis please don't do this. They told you to do this didn't they?' Louis looked away from him when he saw the tears roll down his cheeks. He huffed loudly.

 

'No they didn't! Stop blaming everything on them Harry. Can I decide something on my own? This is my future here! I'm fucking tired of being labeled as gay! What the fuck? I'm not! So I'm really tired of everyone thinking I'm gay! I'm embarrassed to see edited pictures of you and I, kissing and shagging! My sisters are on Twitter the fuck? They see all that bullshit not to mention all that shit in fan fics they write. Its degrading. It humiliates me to know such things are written about us. I want it to stop. I want Larry fucking Stylinson to die.' Harry bit his lower lip trying to hold his tears but he couldn't. He reached over and took Louis' hand in his and he was grateful that Louis didn't snatch his hand away this time. He gently played with his fingers. He knew Louis loved it when he played with his fingers.

'Ill...I'll tweet something denying Larry. I'' deny it in interviews when they ask about it. I'll do anything for you Louis just please, please....'

 

'Harry don't!' Louis warned him as he tried to pull his hand away from Harry's grasp but Harry held on to his hand for dear life.

 

'Louis,' Harry said his name on a whisper, 'are you breaking up with me?' Louis didn't look at him, he couldn't. He shook his head slowly.

 

'Harry just don't make this any harder alright. I...I just can't do this anymore. I'm fucking tired okay? Keeping up this shit is exhausting me. I...I want to be normal and I want you to respect my wishes.' Harry bit back a sob. He knew that this had been coming all along but he hand't actually believed it would ever happen. He had seen the signs, the red flags, the warnings but he always tried to deny it. Always pushed it to the back of his mind and trusted that Louis loved him enough to get past it.

 

'But you still love me Lou...'

 

'It doesn't fucking matter Harry. We hit a wall and we can't get past it. There's no way round this. These past five years have been torture. Its driving me crazy. I've had enough.' Harry tightened his grip on Louis' hand. Each word Louis was saying about their relationship stabbed him in his heart.

 

'Has it really been that bad being with me?' Harry asked him in a choked voice. 'Has it been so much torture for you to love me Lou?' More tears fell from his eyes as he looked at Louis who just said there and said nothing. 'Louis please we can get over it we always do. We have to fight....'

 

'I'm tired of fucking fighting Harry don't you understand? I'm exhausted! Don't you fucking get it?' he snapped at him, his voice raised. Harry couldn't help the tears that continued to fall.

 

'Have you forgotten our promise? That we fight for us no matter what? That we won't give up? Have you forgotten?' Harry sobbed. Louis looked at him as if offended.

 

'I haven't forgotten anything. I just can't keep doing this okay. It's gonna fucking break me one way or the other!' Harry couldn't believe what he was hearing from Louis. How long had he been feeling like this? Had he stayed with him all this time feeling like their relationship was killing him?

 

'I don't believe this is Lou. You are letting them tear us apart. You are giving in to them. Please don't.' Harry begged him desperately.

 

'I'm not letting them fucking do anything! Why don't you get it that this is what I want for fuck's sake? I'm tired of this shit. Every time we're seen together its amplified, videos are made, photos with fucking captions, we trend Twitter every fucking time we do something. Even when we don't do anything there's fucking Larry hash tags all over Twitter! We're scrutinized. We're the world's most famous couple for the love of God Harry. Then there's Modest! They don't want me anywhere near you or sitting next to you, or looking at you and if possible not breathing the same fucking air as you. Then there's me. I am not gay and yet....I...I just can't Harry. This is too much pressure on me and its suffocating me and its killing me and you need to understand this.'

 

A sob escaped Harry's mouth. His eyes were full of tears and Louis was blurry and he couldn't see him properly. With the back of his free hand, Harry wiped his eyes. He could see that Louis looked broken. Had their relationship broken him that bad? How had he not seen it? How could he not have seen it? Or if he had seen the signs, why had he chosen to ignore it?

 

'Louis please...please don't let me go. Just don't let me go...I....can't...be without...you...please,' Harry sobbed. He couldn't hold on to his emotions any longer. He held Louis' hand tightly as he cried. Louis looked at the mess Harry was in front of him. A mess he had made out of him. He swallowed hard.

 

'I'm sorry Harry....'

 

'Don't say you're sorry,' Harry cut him off, his voice choked from tears. 'What am I supposed to do with your sorry? How can your sorry make any of this alright? I just want you! I want you to be with me. I don't want your sorry.' Louis took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

 

'Okay I won't say sorry but I just want you to know that I will always be your friend and band mate yeah? I...I just can't be more to you. Just understand that I tried, I really, really tried Haz but I can't anymore. I need peace and a normal life. I need to be normal like I used to be before......' Harry felt his heart break into a million pieces. Before he met me, he told himself. 

 

'What am I supposed to do without you Lou? I don't know how to be without you. I have been with you since I was sixteen! You're all I know. I don't know how to live without you. You are the love of my life,' Harry told him, his voice strangled from all the tears. Louis sighed.

 

'I don't know what to tell you Haz. I wish there was another way but really......' his voice trailed off as they stared at each other. A strangled moan escaped Harry's mouth as Louis slowly pulled his hand out of his grasp and stood up. Harry kept looking at him, his green teary eyes pleading with him not to do this but Louis just looked at him one more time, turned and walked out of the room.

 

Harry remained sitting on the couch, staring at his empty hands where just a few seconds ago, Louis' hand had been. He remained like that, unmoving while Louis walked away...from him. He felt like he was choking, as if some invisible hand had wrapped itself around his throat and was squeezing the life out of him. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat but he couldn't. He couldn't believe what had just happened. Louis had left him! Ever since they had been in One Direction since the beginning in the X factor, they had been together. Now he didn't know how to be in One Direction without him. He needed Louis. Louis was his life.

 

'This is wrong,' Harry told himself, still sobbing, 'he can't do this! He can't leave me! It wasn't supposed to be like this! We were supposed to stay strong together and fight them.' Harry knew perfectly well what Louis felt for him so he couldn't just end it and let their love go. He could understand to a point the why of Louis' decision but it wasn't his alone to make. He was a part of this relationship too and Louis couldn't just decide to end it. He wasn't ready to end it, to be let go of!

 

Harry felt more tears roll down his cheeks. He remembered the day they first met, how they had gotten on together right away. He remembered getting through the X factor with Louis, becoming closer all the time. Then the success had started and all the while they became closer. They couldn't get enough of each other. They fell in love. He remembered their first kiss, staying up all night talking then falling asleep in one bed and waking up to find him there, beside him asleep, so warm and so his. No one had minded then so why had it become such a thing of disaster? He remembered the shared jokes on stage, the banter, the fun, the seduction, the longing, the sexual tension between them, the easiness of their relationship, the being together all the time then missing each other so bad when they had to go home. He remembered how they used to text each other all the time and midnight phonecalls and Skype that lasted for hours. He remembered how their whole families had become close, especially their mothers and how happy they had been that they were together. He remembered a picture they had taken, he, Louis, his mum and Jay and how Jay had kissed Harry's cheek and told him that she couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend for her son and his mum had kissed Louis and told him to take care of her baby and that she trusted him and knew that Harry would be safe with him! Harry couldn't believe how it had all changed in just two days, how it had come to this and why had Louis given up. Had he forgotten everything? They had promised each other that no matter what they wouldn't give up on their love and keep fighting but Louis had broken his promise and had given up.

 

He tried to understand why Louis had left him but his heart and mind were in pieces and nothing made sense to him except the fact that Louis wasn't his any longer. He knew that their relationship had always been an issue with Louis as was his sexuality. Harry could understand to a point how all of this had escalated and finally got to Louis but shouldn't their love be strong enough to over come this? Where they not tied together like two ships? Wasn't he the anchor to Louis the rope? Wasn't Louis his compass to guide him back whenever he was lost? Who was going to guide him back now? Harry covered his face with his hands and cried. For the first time in five years, he was alone.

 

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON'T HATE LOUIS. JUST DON'T! WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT LOUIS BREAKING UP WITH HARRY?


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope the previous chapter did not make you cry too much. Here's another one.

The plane landed in Melbourne at six in the evening. The sun was still shining as it began its decent over the horizon. It was the seventh day of their OTRA tour. So far they had played two shows in Sydney and one show in Brisbane. Now they were in Melbourne for the next three days for another two shows.

 

Harry sat next to Niall, his head resting against the plane's window watching but not actually seeing the runway as the plane slowly drove towards the airport to park. At the front of their private jet, Louis sat with Eleanor and his friends. They were being loud as usual, making jokes and laughing, Louis drinking too much already. Harry sighed. It had been seven days since Louis had decided their fate. Seven long, hard, empty days that Harry had struggled through, falling asleep alone and after hardly any sleep, waking up to an empty bed feeling tired not just from lack of sleep but soul deep tired. The emptiness inside him drained him, clawed at him from the inside out, sucking up all his energy. He was surprised at himself that he managed to perform night after night.He guessed it was ingrained in his memory, his body on auto pilot doing the routines and singing the lyrics, while inside, Harry stared dazed out at the crowd. Harry was surprised that Louis had actually kept his word and had stayed away and now he doubted he ever would come back at all. He wondered how he could go through life without Louis but it looked like Louis could go through life without him! For the past seven days, Louis had not spoken to him one single word or been anywhere near him unless it was on stage, rehearsals or at band related things. And even then, he chose to be as far away from him as possible. As if Harry was the plague personified! It hurt and it killed him over and over without respite, the wound getting deeper and festering inside his heart.

 

So Harry watched. He watched him. He watched how he was with Eleanor. He was different with her this time. He seemed happy with her. He was with her all the time. They went everywhere together, holding hands and snuggling up to each other. It killed Harry a little everyday to see Louis with her, smiling that same smile that he had given him countless times and looking at her with those deep blues, the same blues that had looked at him so many times. Harry sighed deeply. What hurt the most was it it looked natural. It didn't seem forced this time and Louis actually looked relaxed. Maybe it was indeed better for everyone this way. He just didn't know how it could be better for him!

 

Louis was really giving the media what they wanted. He and Eleanor where on every magazine and social media network available. Twitter was going crazy with pictures of him and Eleanor together, partying or shopping. The fans were going crazy! There were the "Larry" shippers who were in a Twitter fight with "Elounor" shippers. The fans did indeed notice everything! It started after their first concert. When Harry got back to his suite he had checked Twitter to see any feedback about the show, which he found and were quite positive but he also found lots of tweets regarding them. Fans were tweeting about how Louis and Harry seemed distant and how Louis looked unhappy and why wasn't Harry looking at Lou when he sang 'Little Things' or 'You and I.' Louis looking sad? They must be wrong. Harry kept scrolling through his feed and searched for pictures taken at their concert and when he found some and looked closely, yeah Louis looked off. He looked at video clips of them and many times he was caught throwing lingering looks at Louis, looks that Louis never saw because he never looked at him. He found clips during 'Night Changes' and 'You and I' and 'Little Things' and yes they seemed miles apart. It could be felt. Their distance could be felt even though pictures and videos. The fans noticed everything and it was through them that Harry could see Louis and his reactions or even if he slightly looked at him. But Louis never looked at him.

 

For the past seven days, Harry had held on to the hope that Louis would come back and tell him that he had been wrong in leaving him and that he had made a mistake and couldn't stay away from him. Harry had woken up to this hope everyday for the past seven days, clinging to it preparing himself to take him back and forgive him without stopping to blink and just be back with him but Louis had stayed away. There had been the odd glance thrown his way every now and then but Louis never held his gaze for more than a second. He always looked away and looked down at his shoes or pretended to be on his phone! Always. During the past seven days, there had never been a time where they talked like they used to. Now when they interacted, it was all just work related and the usual banter on stage trying to keep everything as normal as possible, even thought the fans saw right through the bullshit. Harry had given hundred percent during concerts. He didn't want to let their fans down and he wasn't going to let his personal problems effect his performance on stage even if he did it on auto pilot. He didn't want to let them down period.

 

They never got any moments alone either. Louis made sure of that by keeping his friends and Eleanor close not leaving any space for Harry to slip though. During work related occasions, Liam, Zayn and Niall always sat between them. All the other times, it was Eleanor who had his absolute attention, time and seat next to him or sat on him. What pained Harry the most was that Louis did indeed look happy and comfortable with El, comfortable enough to share a suite with her. Harry felt the stab of pain again right in the middle of his chest where it left him breathless every time he thought about El sharing a suite with Louis, maybe even a bed and God knows what else. Harry remembered how he and Louis used to get off stage together after a show, kiss backstage while crew took their microphones and ear pieces, then go to the hotel, shower together, make love, sleep together and wake up together to another brand new day. Now Louis probably did all that with Eleanor. She was the first person he ran to as soon as he got off stage and the person he left with, leaving Harry looking after them as them walked away hand in hand. It hurt Harry so much and he tried not to think about El sharing his body, of Louis giving to her what he had given him countless times. He refused to think about Eleanor seeing his orgasm face because that was his, that was something only Harry had gotten to see but now....maybe he was giving her all this too! Sometimes he caught Louis throwing a glimpse his way but it was not frequent and when it happened it only lasted like two seconds and Harry could never read his expressions. Not anymore. Harry now realized as much as he hated to admit it, that he had lost Louis and all the waiting he had done this week was nothing more than wishful thinking. and that Louis was never coming back.

 

He felt a nudge on his arm. 'Harry we have to get off now,' Niall told him. Harry looked at him and nodded. He felt tired. He wanted to sleep for like a hundred years but his tiredness was more than just lack of sleep. His tiredness came from a broken heart. Niall looked at him.

 

'Harry are you okay?' he asked him worriedly. Ever since the break up, Niall had become like his shadow. When he had learned about what Louis had done, Niall had had words with him, even though he believed in his heart that Louis "had been forced" to break up with Harry though Louis never once admitted it. Harry had begged Niall to leave him alone, that Louis was free to decide for his life and make choices on his own but that had only angered Niall more. Niall wasn't the type of person to be easily angered but when he did, he was bad. Niall was still angry at Louis but he wasn't one to hold on to it and the more Harry told him that these things happen, that relationships ended and hearts changed, the more Niall began to let go of his anger towards Louis. Harry didn't want them to hate Louis. This was his broken heart and he will be the one to own it and go through it till he was better, though he hardly doubted that could ever be. He would fix himself. Harry took in a deep breath and looked at Niall.

 

'No Niall I'm not okay but I have to make do. Life has to carry on but I'm trying yeah. I just need a little time.' Niall bit his lip and felt his heart go out to Harry.

 

'Louis doesn't even realize yet what he's lost Haz. I still believe they told him to break up with you. I don't believe Louis would just....'

 

'It doesn't matter Niall,' Harry told him quietly. 'He told me he wanted this break up and I believe him. He's been struggling a lot with too many things and I have been expecting it but one can never really be prepared for it when it happens.' Niall sighed heavily.

 

'I know mate. Come on let's go. We have a great night to look forward to tonight and you are going to have fun okay. Nadine will be here and Ed is flying in just to see you before his tour kicks off so you are going to relax tonight and take it easy yeah.' Harry smiled at Niall. Niall was just amazing and Harry loved him to bits.

 

'I will do my best,' he told him as they got up and got off the plane.

 

 

Harry opened the door to his suite and entered the beautifully furnished room. He closed the door behind him and walked into the spacious living room with the huge glass walls over looking the city of Melbourne. He dropped his bag and suitcase by the couch and sat down heavily in the plush cream leather couch. He could feel a headache coming on. He really didn't want to go out with them all tonight. They had planned this evening sometime during the shows they had in Sydney, a night out together with the guys from McBusted, their band and Louis' friends. Perrie was coming over for two nights to be with Zayn and Sophia was here with Liam. Harry looked at his watch. 6:45 pm. Ed was scheduled to arrive in about an hour and Nadine, he was told upon his arrival at the hotel, that she was here already but was out shopping.

 

Harry rested his head against the back of the couch. All he wanted to do was to stay here. Alone. He wasn't in the mood to be social but he had promised Ed and Niall that he would go and he couldn't let them down. He needed something for his headache though. Liam would surely have some headache pills. He got up off the couch and headed towards the door to go to Liam's suite. As he walked down the corridor with his hands stuffed in his jeans pockets, he saw Louis step out of the elevator. Alone. Harry stopped dead in his tracks. Their eyes met and Harry felt his heart stutter then beat furiously against his ribs. He was afraid that if Louis got closer he would hear it. Suddenly Harry realized that he had no idea how to be around Louis. Should he stop and talk to him? Or nod towards him and just keep walking? He felt a sweat break out all over his body.

 

Louis walked towards him and stopped a few steps away from him.

 

'Hey,' he told him, his voice low and quiet. Harry felt his knees tremble. How he had missed that voice!

 

'Hey,' Harry muttered not looking at him. He kept his eyes to the carpeted hallway. An awkward silence settled between them, neither one of them knowing what to say and neither one of them walking away either. Louis cleared his throat.

 

'I should go get changed. I'm meeting the lads in the lobby in ten minutes,' he told Harry. Harry nodded.

 

'Yeah uhm sure. Bye,' he told him as he began to walk away.

 

'Hey Harry,' Louis called out softly to him, stopping Harry in his tracks. Harry could swear that his heart was about to burst from just hearing his name come out from his lips. He hadn't realized how much he had been longing to hear his voice, to hear him say his name. He could feel his irregular breathing rattling in his lungs and he was sure he was going to have an asthma attack.

 

'How are you?' Louis asked him quietly, his voice concerned. Harry furrowed his brows. Is he seriously asking me how I am? He blinked a couple of times cursing himself for feeling his eyes burn with unshed tears. He kept his back to Louis.

 

'I uhm I'm...I'm fine. I just have a headache,' Harry told him feeling completely thrown off.

 

'Do you need me to get you anything?' Louis asked him. What? Harry thought. Is he even serious? Harry shifted from one foot to the other.

 

'I'm fine thanks,' Harry told him quietly, looking down at his shoes. Suddenly Louis' phone rang and Harry froze. He had changed his ringtone....to 'Sugar' by Maroon 5. Harry looked up, feeling his heart race so much he honestly thought it would break right out of his rib cage. That song had meaning to them. That was one of THEIR songs. That song was the song Louis always sent him when they were apart. Harry felt just about ready to crumble.

 

'You....uhm might wa...want to get that,' Harry stuttered, looking down again. He just couldn't look at Louis. He knew he would physically break if he looked at him.

 

'It can wait,' he told him calmly and Harry could feel his eyes on him. The phone went silent. 'Harry look at me,' Louis told him. Harry shook his head, keeping his eyes down. Why is Louis doing this? Why is he talking to me like this? Harry shifted from one foot to the other.

 

'I...ugh...I uhm need to....uhm...I should...uhm...go,' Harry said as he began to walk away from Louis, as fast as his trembling legs could carry him.

 

'Harry wait,' Louis called after him. Harry stopped and heard his footsteps catching up to him. Louis walked round him and stood in front of him.

 

'Are you alright?' he asked him in a subdued tone. Harry blinked as he met his gaze. Is he fucking kidding me? Harry thought. Is he seriously asking me if I'm okay after he left me? After he smashed my heart into crumbs? Harry diverted his gaze to the wall behind Louis not really wanting to look at him. He couldn't look at the love of his life and not break.

 

'I'm fine,' he told him quietly. Louis kept his eyes fast on him, narrowing them slightly, scrutinizing him like he used to do when Harry was hiding something from him.

 

'You don't look alright,' he stated. Harry blinked again. What is his problem? Harry thought. Why is he suddenly interested in how I am? He wanted to scream in his face that obviously he was not alright and that it was his fucking fault that he was broken and a mess and unable to function properly because he had fucked him up. But he couldn't! He wouldn't hurt him with his words!

 

'I'm fine okay,' Harry told him a little more harshly then he had intended to. He was tired with his games. Louis pursed his lips and then shrugged. He smiled at Harry, that smile of his that many times had made his heart flutter only now it made his heart bleed. He wanted to leave, to go back to his room, away from Louis, to hide and drown in his sorrow.

 

'Okay if you say so. See you round yeah?' he told him casually as he turned around and began walking towards his room, leaving Harry standing there feeling like he had been ripped open all over again, bleeding into the carpet beneath his feet. He turned the other way Louis had gone down and hurried towards his room, the headache pills all but forgotten. He opened the door, closed it and rested his back against it. He slid down till he was sitting with his back to the door. He pulled his knees to his chest, buried his face in his hands and let it go.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here I am back with more updates. Things are about to get harder for our boys. Thank you to all of you who are reading Outing Larry. All the love, M.

Louis made his way down to the lobby to meet the lads. He got in the elevator and pushed the ground floor button. While the elevator rode down silently, Louis couldn't help but think of Harry. He knew he shouldn't have stopped to talk to him but there was really no way avoiding him. is utmost best to avoid him and he had had done so well with the avoiding him for the past seven days. He had done everything in his power to not be alone with him and he had succeeded until now. The pain in Harry's eyes was too much for him to bear because he had put that pain there and Harry did not deserve it. He did not deserve an asshole like him who was afraid of his own sexuality! No, Harry could do better than him! Harry would get over him. If he stuck to avoiding him, then Harry will heal and move on from him. He had Eleanor now and he was going to make it work and Harry will heal. Yes, Harry was strong, stronger than him and he will see that Louis had done the right thing by letting him go. The elevator dinged and opened out onto the lobby and Louis made his way to the small bar to the side of the lobby. As he entered he saw Eleanor sitting with Cal, Oly, Stan and Luke. He went over to them but didn't sit. Cal smirked at him.

 

'Where have you been dick wad? We've been waiting for you royal ass for ages.' Louis looked at his friend and flipped him off as he bent over and kissed El on the forehead. She smiled up at him, tugging on the hem of his jeans jacket.

 

'I was just about to send security to look for you. I called you but you didn't pickup.' Louis stroked the length of her hair and gave her a soft smile.

 

'Sorry love,' he told her, 'I was in the shower and didn't hear my phone.' He couldn't tell her that he had stopped to chat to Harry! Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Liam, Sophia, Niall, Zayn and Perrie enter the bar. He looked down at El. 'Be right back love. I need to talk to them for a sec yeah.' She nodded and smiled at him. He walked over to his friends who were settled by the bar.

 

'Hey Lou,' Zayn greeted him, 'you alright mate?' Louis looked at Zayn, then at Liam,then a Niall.

 

'I met Harry,' he told them quietly, not beating about the bush. Liam, Zayn and Niall exchanged looks but said nothing. Louis let out a huff of breath. 'He doesn't look very okay.' Niall snorted.

 

'No shit Sherlock.You dumped him after five years and you honestly expect him to be okay? Man you're delusional!'

 

'Niall,' Liam warned him quietly. Niall looked at Liam.

 

'What Li? We can't keep on pretending that none of this is happening because we don't want to hurt his feelings. What about Harry and his feelings? He didn't give a shit about hurting him so why should I? That is, if he has any feelings to hurt!'

 

'You don't really need to tell me about Harry's feelings. I know what I did alright,' Louis snapped at Niall. Niall fixed his gaze on Louis.

 

'Yeah, I really think someone should tell you cos you don't seem to think he has any. For the past seven days I've been watching him struggle while pretending he's fine but he isn't Louis. He isn't fine at all. He can lie all he wants to everyone else but he can't lie to me. You can't even see what you're putting him through cos your head is so high up your girlfriends....'

 

'You don't know anything alright! Fuck!' Louis hissed at him not wanting to draw attention to them. Niall laughed sarcastically.

 

'Then enlighten us won't you? Tell us why you dumped Harry like he's yesterday's garbage while you frolic with your beard and your half wit friends?' Liam took a step closer to Niall.

 

'Enough Niall,' he told him quietly. He turned to Louis who was looking hard at Niall with narrowed eyes and his jaw locked tight. He hated the way he was speaking about Harry, as if he owned him. He hated that Niall was the one Harry was turning to for comfort. It irritated him. But then again, he was with El now so Harry shouldn't be his problem.

 

'Louis,' Liam told him calmly and rationally, 'Harry is in transition. He's dealing with his broken heart and he needs time to heal and you really should be sensitive to his situation. We don't know why or who made you leave him....'

 

'Nobody made me leave him for fuck's sake. It was my fucking decision okay. I got tired of this shit and Niall for your information, El is not my beard.' Niall laughed.

 

'Keep telling yourself whatever makes you feel good about ruining Harry mate. If you believe she's not your beard, fine, go ahead but just know that nobody buys it so I don't know why you're trying to sell this shit but whatever.' Louis felt his blood rage in his veins. Liam looked at Niall, giving him a silent look that meant shut the hell up! Then he turned his gaze back to Louis.

 

'Louis, for whatever reason you decided to leave Harry, you now need to stay away from him as much as the situation allows. He doesn't know how to be without you and he's trying to adjust and move past it though I doubt that will be possible. He wants you to be happy that's the kind of person he is and if you chose to be with Eleanor, I'm sure he understands even though it doesn't make sense to him. Just try not to,' Liam paused and gave Louis a sad look, 'just try not to hurt him more than is necessary. He's very sensitive you should know that. I mean every night he packs his troubles away and gives himself to the fans because he knows how much they love us. He's up there every night forgetting how broken he is and he's like a non stop hurricane full of shit. The things he comes up with on stage to make everyone feel better and smile amaze me! Harry is a very selfless person and sometimes he is like a child so we need to be careful with him and take care of him while he goes through this yeah. Just try to stay away from him on a personal level Louis.' Louis looked at the ground. Zayn put a hand on his shoulder.

 

'Mate are you sure you're not like regretting your decision?' Louis' head snapped up and he looked at Zayn.

 

'I don't regret anything Zayn!' he spat out then looked at Liam. 'As for staying away from him, I have kept my distance haven't I? I've left him alone. I met him in the fucking corridor and it was just him and me. I couldn't just possibly not talk to him could I?' Liam sighed.

 

'If you are keeping away and leaving him alone, its because you decided that. Like you said, it was wholly your decision.' Louis kept his eyes on Liam.

 

'It was needed,' he said, his voice much softer.

 

'Needed for whom? By whom?' Zayn pressed him. Louis took a deep breath and exhaled heavily.

 

'For me,' Louis said. 'I can't keep up with any of this. I'm not this! It's been wrong from the start. Harry made me into something I'm not. What we had, our.....whatever it was....' Liam laughed.

 

'Seriously? Are you seriously trying to feed us this shit Lou? Listen to yourself! You can't even say relationship! You. Had. A. Relationship. With. Harry Louis! And to make things clear, he didn't turn you into anything that you already weren't! People don't just turn gay Louis! I understand if you have trouble accepting yourself but this game that you are playing is more likely to do you damage. To you and to him. You are in denial Louis. What are you a homophobe now? You wiped the smile right off Harry's face for God's sake all because you're having trouble being gay? Its not a crime you know and we are okay with it.' Louis glared daggers at Liam.

 

'I am not gay!' he hissed at him. Liam raised his hands as if in surrender.

 

'You know what Louis? Fine. You're not gay. What you had with Harry was nothing but an experiment when things come down to it wasn't it? You just decided to try being gay for five years with him and now you decided you are straight. Fine. That's cool but we won't be by standers in your little game anymore. Harry is a human being and you crushed him. I hope you will be happy with Eleanor and you'll feel "yourself" again and I hope you will have good luck convincing our millions of fans that, airquote "Larry is bullshit" as you so eloquently tweeted before and I hope you will manage to convince them that you are straight. And let's hope to God they won't hate you for queer baiting for all this time feeding them Larry. We are your friends and we know you. We don't believe you decided to leave Harry. They made you leave him and its killing you. What did they threaten you with Louis?' Louis shook his head and chuckled.

 

'And you say I'm deluded? That's a nice theory you cooked up there Payno. Believe what you want and think of me what you want. My decision was my own and it stands. I'm glad to see you're all on Harry's side. He needs you more than I do. I'll see you guys later then,' he told them as he turned round and walked towards Eleanor and his friends who all got up and made their way to the doors with Alberto, Louis bodyguard and a few other security.

 

'He's a right little shit man. He's changed so much I hardly know him,' Niall muttered. Liam kept his eyes on Louis, watching him as he walked away, his arm wrapped around Eleanor.

 

'He's hiding something. I can feel it. Louis wouldn't just leave Harry like that after five years. And become this! He's so different. So out of character. He's full of anger.' Sophia wrapped her arms around Liam's waist and hugged him.

 

'I believe you're right and we need to find out what made him change so much that he left Harry and got back with her.' Zayn looked at them.

 

'But what if he's really had enough? I mean, Louis has always struggled with this relationship and the fact that people think he's gay really gets to him. We know he's only like this for Harry but everyone else out there doesn't and it kills him.' Perrie looked up at Zayn.

 

'Babe being in a relationship with a man for five years, you have to be gay. If he was experimenting with his sexuality, after the first time being with Harry sexually, he would've known if he was straight or gay trust me. You don't carry on a five year relationship with a man if you were straight. Louis truly loves Harry way way too much to leave him just like that. I agree with Liam and Soph. Something's up and we need to find out what it is and get those two back together before you all fall apart and ruin what you have.' Liam looked at each one of them.

 

'And I know just the right person who will help us with this,' he told them. 'Louis and Harry are both our friend even though Louis thinks we are taking Harry's side. We can't let them destroy each other and destroy all we have accomplished so far.'

 

 

Harry arrived at the place where the private party was being held alone. He needed time to just clear his head and get himself together again so he had sent everyone else ahead of him, promising that he will show up. He walked inside with Ryan, his bodyguard. When he walked in, everyone was already there. Automatically his eyes scanned the place for Louis and he found him sitting with Eleanor next to him, surrounded by his friends. He was laughing loudly and drinking beer. Harry looked around and was amazed at how many people had turned up. This had been Louis' idea that upon their arrival in Melbourne, they would have a private party with the guys from McBusted, their band and their friends and girlfriends.

 

Harry walked towards the bar where Liam, Sophia and Niall were seated on stools having drinks.

 

'Hey Harry,' Niall greeted him with a smile, clapping him on the back. 'You okay man? For a second I thought you changed your mind and stood me up.' Harry smiled at him.

 

'I promised didn't I? And I always keep my promises.' Liam gave him a concerned look.

 

'Louis told us that he....'

 

'I don't want to talk about him Liam if that's okay,' Harry cut him off politely. Liam gave him a smile.

 

'Of course Harry. Sorry.'

 

'There you are finally!' A voice from behind Harry said. Harry turned and he saw Ed walking towards him. Ed engulfed Harry in a tight bear hug. 'How are you man? I missed you.' Harry smiled widely at his friend and let himself be hugged. He needed it!

 

'Ed. I missed you too. I'm glad you came,' Harry told him, hugging him tighter. Ed was the first to break the hug and gave Harry a friendly smile as they took up two stools by the bar and sat down. Ed ordered a beer and Harry just a tonic water with a dash of lime.

 

'Off alcohol?' Ed teased him.

 

'Yeah kinda,' Harry replied, his eyes darting everywhere except on Ed. He was afraid that he would see the brokenness in his eyes. Ed thought kept his eyes on him, studying him.

 

'Really Harry how are you holding up? I was shocked when you told me.' Harry licked his lips and shrugged.

 

'Its hard Ed but you know, I have to keep going. My lifestyle doesn't exactly allow me time off to go mend my broken heart and try to get over him. I have a job to do.' Harry looked down at his drink and played with the paper straw. Ed placed his hand on Harry's arm.

 

'I know its hard Harry and you're doing amazingly well considering. He's always been a little shit but I never expected him to do this to you of all people.' Just then Louis' voice broke their conversation.

 

'Well if it isn't Weasely and Potter. You and Harry here make a cute couple.' Harry swallowed thickly as his eyes rested on the gorgeous love of his life with his messy bed hair, skinny jeans and white Vans tee shirt. His heart was doing the do again and his insides were all gooey! Ed scowled at Louis.

 

'Don't be a dick Lou,' Ed told him. 'Harry is my friend.' Louis shrugged and smiled not looking at Harry at all.

 

'Whatever you say bud,' he told Ed. Ed shook his head and smiled.

 

'You are a little prick aren't you? I never really liked.....' Harry looked at Ed with pleading eyes.

 

'Don't Ed,' he told him quietly. Louis smiled at Ed.

 

'Listen to your pal Ed. You really would't want to get on my bad side now would you?' he told him with a smirk. Just then Nadine walked over to Harry and touched his shoulder to get his attention. Harry turned, gave her a huge smile and stood up off his stool. Louis' eyes zoomed in as he saw Nadine wrap her arms around Harry's neck and Harry wrap his arms around her small waist, pull her to him and hug her tightly. He watched as Harry pulled back and kissed both her cheeks and began talking with her, his voice deep and slow. Ed leaned over closer to Louis, not wanting Harry to hear him.

 

'Just for the record, he's better off without you. Harry is too fucking good for you. You don't deserve him.' Louis tore his eyes away from Harry and looked at Ed burning holes in him. He pressed his lips together and narrowed his eyes at him.

 

'You know jack shit Edward so just mind your fooking business!' he spat at him and turned to leave but Ed grabbed his arm.

 

'You hurt him one more time and I will make it my fucking business Lewis!' Louis pulled his arm out of Ed's grip, turned and walked back to his mates and Eleanor.

 

The night wore on and everyone seemed to be having a great time. Harry sat with Nadine and Ed who seemed to be getting along really well together. He didn't mind that Nadine seemed more interested in Ed then him. He wasn't much good company. Besides, he wasn't really paying much attention to her anyway as his mind was focused on Louis who was really getting hammered with his friends. Harry couldn't help but just look at him and adore him from a far. He was so beautiful especially when he laughed that laugh that he threw his head back and he smiled so wide that his eyes became just slits and he got crinkles by his eyes! He was doing that just now while Calvin was suggesting karaoke.

 

'I fooking sing fora job,' Louis yelled, 'this is my night off and I'm not singing you wanker.' Calvin stood up.

 

'Scared of some competition Tommo?' Calvin challenged him. Louis laughed again and Harry felt his heart sink when he remembered how he was not his anymore, how he was not even talking to him, or looking at him. How was it even possible? How could Louis do this to him after five long years and act like he didn't even exist?Harry felt the sadness swell and grow inside of him, suffocating him from the inside out. He watched as Louis downed his beer. He saw Eleanor lean over and talk to Louis in his ear. Louis turned to look at her, the smile disappearing off his face.

 

'Jesus fooking Christ El, must you fooking piss on me every time I have a drink?' he yelled. Harry involuntarily jumped at Louis' loud voice. 'I'm not fooking drunk okay. Give me a God damn break for fook's sake.' Eleanor's eyes went wide and from where he was, Harry could see her face turn red. She stared at Louis for a few seconds, then she stood up and grabbed her bag. Louis sighed.

 

'El I'm....'

 

'Save it Louis,' she told him dryly and walked towards the door where one of their security escorted her. Harry bit his lip. If they had still been together, that would have been him on the receiving end of Louis' anger. He could sympathize with Eleanor for the way Louis had just made her feel, even though inside he was secretly glad that Louis had yelled at her, but he knew Louis! She didn't! She'd probably give him hell later for it. Louis ran a hand through his hair and looked at Calvin.

 

'So you gonna fooking sing or what?' he told him jokingly. Everyone was looking at Louis with curious eyes and hidden speculation and Harry felt a stab in his heart because he could see how they went silent when he yelled at El and the way they were looking at him now, judging him like he was some abusive boyfriend and he hated that because nobody knew Louis like he did. That was just the way Louis was! Yes, Louis yelled and cursed and lost his temper but he was good and kind and he loved deeply. Couldn't they see that? Calvin laughed loudly.

 

'Up for some competition then?' he asked him and Louis laughed.

 

'Let's see what you got,' he told him, downing another half a bottle of beer. Harry took in a deep breath. It was clear Louis was going to get horribly wasted tonight.

 

Everyone had a go at karaoke and he had to admit that it was funny watching them sing while half sober. Calvin butchered 'Demons' by Imagine Dragons, Oly and Stan had a go at 'Hey Mama' by Nicki Minaj while everyone laughed and clapped along. Perrie and Sophia did very well on a version of 'Dear Future Husband' by Meghan Trainor earning them a lot of wolf whistles. Dougie, Tom and Danny from McBusted sang 'She looks So Perfect' by 5 Seconds of Summer. Up next where Ed and Nadine who sang 'Treasure' by Bruno Mars. Harry smiled fondly at them. The way Ed was singing to her and the way she was smiling back at him, he knew that they had taken a liking to each other and he wasn't going to stand in their way if they wanted to date. He looked at Louis who was getting more drunk by the minute but having a good time. When they finished, all of them started urging Louis to sing but he kept saying no and laughing but Harry could see that they were breaking through his resolve. Louis was a fun loving person. Soon he was up there, swaying a little but giving everyone that glorious smile of his that made Harry's heart hurt.

 

'Okay okay,' he said into the microphone, 'I'll sing you tossers and someone better be paying me overtime.' Zayn hooted and some of them threw their balled up napkins at him. Then Harry's heart stopped beating when he heard the first tunes of 'Chasing Cars' by Snow Patrol. No, no, no, no, no not this one, he told himself, Louis not this one. Just as the first words started, Louis locked eyes on him. He didn't need to read the words off the monitor...he knew this by heart.

 

We'll do it all  
Everything  
On our own

We don't need  
Anything  
Or anyone

If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

 

Harry swallowed, unable to tear his eyes away from Louis. He was slurring a little bit but he was looking straight at him, those blue eyes that he had missed so much, tearing him apart all over again.

I don't quite know  
How to say  
How I feel

Those three words  
Are said too much  
They're not enough

If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told  
Before we get too old  
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

 

Harry felt the tears rim his eyes, his heart beating a hundred miles per hour. Why did he have to chose this song? They had sung this while on the X Factor, it was one of their songs. Louis used to play this for him when things got bad and always promised him........he had always promised never to give up, to hold on no matter what.......to fight for their love. A tear rolled down his cheek and Harry quickly wiped it away. What was Louis saying? Suddenly Harry felt like the millions of their fans trying to decipher something that Louis was trying to hint at.

Let's waste time  
Chasing cars  
Around our heads

I need your grace  
To remind me  
To find my own

If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told  
Before we get too old  
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

 

Harry could see the way Louis was gripping the microphone, his knuckles white, the sad look on his face and his eyes... were they glistening? Harry felt the urgent need to either go up there and hug him tight and not let him go or run away from him, from here, from his voice, from those words that he was singing, from all this pain. The latter seemed more appealing to him than the former but Harry stayed rooted to the spot, Louis never let go of his gaze, penetrating to the core of him and squeezing his heart in his chest with those eyes that were speaking to him but which Harry could not understand.

All that I am  
All that I ever was  
Is here in your perfect eyes,they're all I can see

I don't know where  
Confused about how as well  
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

 

The song finished and slowly Louis looked away from him and smiled at his friends who where woo-hooing him and clapping. The moment between them had broken. After seven days apart, they had a four minute moment where Louis had dragged him back to seven days ago when he had shattered his heart and blew his entire existence apart. Harry got up off his chair and hurried to the bathroom.

 

He pushed open the door, breathing heavily, the tears now falling freely from his eyes. He rested his back against the cold tiles of the wall and tried to breathe but it seemed impossible. His lungs felt like they were being squashed. The door opened and Ed rushed in.

 

'Harry, are you alright man?' he asked him worried. Harry was still struggling to breathe with all the crying and his heart was threatening to bust open his rib cage and crash to the floor. Ed pulled him away from the wall and sat him on a closed toilet. 'Easy man, take it easy. It will be fine. Don't take notice of him.....'

 

'I...I...I want...to...leave,' Harry stuttered in between sob filled breaths. Ed nodded.

 

'Yeah man I'll go get your bodyguard and we can take you back to your hotel,' he told him as he turned to leave but Harry grabbed his wrist stopping him. He looked up at Ed and took a deep breath, wiping his eyes with the back of his free hand.

 

'I.....I want to leave the band Ed,' he told him in a broken voice. 'I can't do it anymore. I can't be this close to him anymore. I want to go. Away. Now. I want to leave please.' Ed squatted in front of him and looked up into his friend's tear stained face. He hated to see his friend reduced to this. He sure as hell did not deserve it because he was a really nice person with a very good heart.

 

'Harry you don't mean that. You're just upset. One Direction is your life. You love what you do.' Harry shook his head, more tears falling from his eyes.

 

'It hurts too much to be around him Ed. Its only the girls that worry me. Maybe its the thought of them that's keeping me here because they don't know what's going on and they don't know what I'm going through and I wish I could tell them so they'd understand why I have to leave and they won't be upset or hate me.' Ed put his hands on Harry's thighs.

 

'Harry listen to me. You're upset and hurt and that;s understandable. I know you love him but you can't make a decision like that just because Louis decided to show the world how straight he is. Do you think management is going to let you leave? You are under contract and you know what the penalties for breaking that contract are .As for the girls Harry, they love you so much and yeah they would be devastated if you left, so you really need to think this through.He's not worth ruining your career over H.' Harry shook his head, his hair falling into his face. He pushed his curls back.

 

'I can't endure anymore of his silence, of his ignoring me like I never meant anything to him, of him being with Eleanor and then he does this. He sings that song when he knows...... he fucking knows. Ed I really need to leave. Jeff said he'd help me if I ever want a solo career. I have to call him.' Harry stood up and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand again.

 

'Harry wait. Don't do anything rash please. Let tonight pass....' His red teary eyes met with Ed's.

 

'And what will be different about tomorrow Ed? Tomorrow will be there waiting for me with the same pain of today. With the same heart break. With the same knowledge that Louis left me and he's not mine anymore. I can't be around him 24/7. I just can't.' Harry scrolled through his contacts as Ed watched him, not knowing what to do even though he was watching his friend about to throw his future away. Harry tapped a number and put the phone to his ear. After a few seconds:

 

'Jeff hey....I hope I didn't catch you at a bad time....yeah....I uhm was calling because I need to talk to you. Do you think you could maybe come see me? Yeah...uhm I'm in Melbourne for like three nights. Yeah okay. Thank you so much. See you Jeff.' Harry hung up and looked at Ed.

 

'Man you're making a big mistake. You don't even know if you're ready for a solo career Harry. Its quite different than being in a band you know.' Harry sighed.

 

'Right now Ed I don't care if I end up back at my mum's house being a nobody and working at the bakery again cause that's the way I feel like right now. A nobody.' Before Ed could say anything the door flung open and a panicked Zayn dashed in.

 

'Harry....its Louis...he's not well.' Harry's teary eyes widened.

 

'What's wrong with him? He was fine.....' Zayn ran a hand through his hair nervously.

 

'He...he took something Harry.' Harry grabbed Zayn by his upper arms and shook him a little.

 

'What did he take Zayn?' he growled. Zayn's face paled. Harry was a calm, patient person but when he got angry, he was scary as fuck! He tended to throw stuff and break things and yell. A lot! Zayn gulped.

 

'I don't know Harry. We were outside smoking a joint....'

 

'Zayn what the fuck?' Harry yelled in his face. 'You let him smoke a joint AND take something? What the hell is wrong with you? What did he take?' Harry was beginning to panic and freak out. Zayn tried to get out of his grasp but Harry held him fast.

 

'I don't know Harry. Cal gave him something and he's having a bad trip. You need to come see to him,' Zayn said, his words rushing out of his mouth. Ed put a hand on Harry's shoulder.

 

'Let him go Harry. Let's go see what's wrong with Louis yeah.' For a minute Harry kept holding Zayn then he let him go and walked out of the bathroom, Zayn and Ed following close behind. As they exited the bathroom, Harry nearly bumped into Calvin. Harry stopped and glared at him.

 

'What the fuck did you give him you asshole?' Harry growled at him. He didn't care who saw this side of him. It was Louis they were talking about here! Calvin smirked at him and Harry could tell that he was as high as a fucking kite.

 

'Calm down bitch! He'll get over it once he sleeps it off. Its just a bad trip and its not like he hasn't taken it before.' Harry balled up his fists and resisted the urge to slam one of them into Calvin's smirking face.

 

'Louis doesn't take....' he stopped when Cal burst out laughing.

 

'Yeah yeah tell yourself that princess if it makes you sleep better at night. Louis always needed something to help him fight off his demons. How else would he have gone through these past five years?' Harry felt confused. What was Calvin talking about?

 

'What are you even on about?' he asked him.

 

'Harry ignore him,' Zayn told him, 'don't take any notice of this dickhead.' Calvin laughed again.

 

'Yeah princess walk away just like Zen here is telling you to because for him it would be wise for me to keep my mouth shut wouldn't it Zen?' Harry tore his eyes away from Calvin and landed them on Zayn.

 

'What is going on here Zayn?' Harry asked him looking from him back to Calvin who was grinning like a fool. Zayn tried to get Harry to move.

 

'He's fucked up Haz. Ignore him.' Calvin laughed again.

 

'I'm fucked up you say? Louis is fucked up and its all because of you Harry. You fucked him up! No one is to blame but you for what Louis has been going through. You may have been his bitch for the past five years but you stopped being his fucking friend a long time ago. If you were his god damned friend you would've seen the signs. The mood swings? His temper? The drinking? He couldn't be around you sober.' Harry stared at Calvin not believing what he was hearing, each word feeling like a daggers stabbed into his heart. Louis doing drugs? No he would've noticed for sure! But had he really been paying enough attention to Louis? Harry felt as if he was going to pass out. He heard Zayn yell:

 

'Alberto get this motherfucker outta here.' Then he felt Zayn pushing him gently towards the door that led out to the decked garden at the back. They stopped at the door and Harry turned towards Zayn.

 

'Did you know Zayn?' Harry asked him in a low sad voice, the anger gone out of him. Zayn took a deep breath.

 

'Its not like Calvin said Harry. 'He's a jerk....'

 

'How long has he.....' Harry couldn't even say the words. Zayn bit his lower lip.

 

'Harry its not a big deal really. Sometimes he just needed something to help him.....' he let his voice trail off. Harry felt the tears burn his eyes.

 

'God how did I not notice? How did I not see?' he said to no one in particular. Zayn put a hand on his shoulder.

 

'Look Harry, its not your fault okay. I didn't know either until a while ago when he confided in me. I didn't realize either. I always put it down to his drinking or the weed.' Harry felt a tear roll down his cheek.

 

'Why didn't he tell me?' he croaked out. Zayn took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

 

'You'll have to ask him that Haz. He's out there,' he told him nodding towards the door. Harry swallowed, wiped his eyes and pushed the door open.

 

TO BE CONTINUED.............................


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read this before you continue. I know some of you are impatient for this but please stick to reading Outing Larry on AO3. When I wrote it on Wattpad, I was very insecure about my writing especially smut. When I wrote A Darker Shade of Love, I upped my writing a little and tested waters, see how people reacted to my new line of writing and I can say that it went down well even my smut so I am re-writing Outing Larry on here. I feel it deserves more so I am embellishing it and adding to it so please, if you are new to Outing Larry and started reading it here, I advise you to stick to reading it here. I know you get impatient and since I am on holiday I am trying to update at least 2 chapters a day. I am also working on ADSOL Chapter 43 so please be patient with me. Thank you so much for dedicating your time to reading my fic. I sincerely hope that you are enjoying it. All the love, M

Harry stepped out into the beautiful garden at the back of the establishment. This part of the garden was tiled with big flat stone slabs then a set of wide stone stairs that led down into the actual garden with trees and a fountain. This part was more like an open air extension of the bar. There were white wrought iron tables and chairs on the deck area, potted plants and white fairy lights round the trees. It was quiet and peaceful out here. Harry saw Louis sitting in a chair looking out over the garden with its large fountain in the middle, the sound of gurgling water soothing at this time of night. Nobody else was out here except for the two of them. Harry walked over to Louis and hesitated before he sat down in a chair next to him. Louis didn't look at him, he just kept smoking and drinking his beer. Harry noticed that Louis was bouncing his leg up and down, fidgeting with his fingers and was sweating profusely.

 

'Lou hey,' Harry said softly not wanting to startle him. Harry watched as Louis inhaled on his weed, held in the smoke then let it out slowly. He closed his eyes and rested his head back against the chair. He didn't talk. Harry watched him and up close he noticed that Louis looked thinner. His cheekbones stood out and he had dark circles under his eyes. Wasn't he sleeping enough? Harry wondered. Harry noticed that his hands were shaking. He watched him as Louis opened his eyes, raised his head as if in slow motion and pick up his beer, taking a long swig. He seemed calm and nervous at the same time, like there was some internal battle going on inside him. Harry sat down in the vacant chair next to him.

 

'Lou,' Harry said again his voice pleading, 'Louis stop. Please.' He saw Louis turn his head slowly towards him, his eyes heavily lidded, the blue in his eyes dim as if a light inside of him had been turned off. Harry felt his heart squeeze tight in his chest. When had they ended up like this? At what point in time had they taken a wrong turn and found themselves strangers when once they were lovers?

 

'Stop what?' Louis asked him in a slurred drawl. He blinked slowly as if trying to focus on Harry but his gaze was somewhere far beyond Harry. Harry shook his head in disbelief. He couldn't believe that this was the same Louis, this drunk, drugged, stoned Louis was so different from HIS Louis. Or was he seeing it only now because of what Calvin had told him?

 

'Louis please, you need to stop doing this to yourself......' Harry began but Louis burst out laughing, hard. Harry looked at him feeling confused. Zayn told him that he was having a bad trip and he didn't even know what that meant exactly. He didn't even know what drug he had ingested. Harry had no idea what a bad trip was or what the signs of it were. He took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Usually Louis always listened to him. Well until before he had dumped him! Still he would try to make him listen.

 

'You are hurting everyone around you Lou.....'

 

'Like I give a shit,' he slurred, taking another drag on his joint. Harry snatched the joint out of his fingers in one swift movement and stubbed it out under the heel of his boot. Louis looked at him and frowned, his eyes blinking rapidly as if he was trying really hard to focus.

 

'What the fuck is your problem dude?' he asked him. Harry shook his head again and he realized that Louis didn't even have the energy to yell at him. He just sat there looking dazed and lost and confused and so small, breathing hard and sweating as if he had just run a mile. He was going to get him to stop doing this! It wasn't healthy for him and if Jay saw him like this or knew about the drugs. Harry shuddered to think about what she would do. She loved Louis fiercely.

 

'My problem is that I'm not fine with seeing you hurt yourself. You drink and smoke that stuff and now I find out you've been taking....other things?' Louis looked out over the garden again and took a swig of beer.

 

'Good thing I'm not your problem anymore then. Bye you can go crawl back to wherever you came from dude,' he told him. Harry was starting to feel angry but he didn't want to lose it with Louis. He was in a delicate state and even though they were not together anymore he wanted to be here for him. Afrer all Louis had told him that he would still be his friend. As his friend he had a duty to help him.

 

'First of all Louis, I am not 'dude' okay......' Louis laughed again stopping Harry in mid-sentence.

 

'Okay umm let's see, would you uhm prefer uhm...let me see...Princess? Queen? Bitch? Your Royal Highness.....'

 

'Stop it!' Harry said in a raised voice. 'What are you trying to do? Push everyone away? Like you are doing to your girlfriend? Hurting those around you won't make them go away Louis or love you any less......' Louis turned in his chair suddenly, his knees knocking into Harry's and looked he at Harry with sleepy glazed eyes. Harry could see that his pupils were so dilated that the blue was only a small ring around his dark iris.

 

'Do you love me any less Hazza?' he asked him in a soft voice, just barely a whisper. Harry felt himself fall...fall from great heights, his stomach lurching up into his throat then slam back down into his toes as he crashed down when he heard Louis' soft voice call him by his nickname....the pet name Louis had used all those times he had loved him. The many times he had called him 'my Hazza' after they had just made love and he cuddled Harry into his chest, kissing the top of his head and keeping him warm. Harry looked down and pressed his lips together willing himself not to cry.

 

'How can you even ask me that?' he asked him in a low voice. 'You have no idea what I'm going through.' Louis kept his eyes on Harry.

 

'You don't look it you know. You act very well. Maybe you should go into acting.' Harry's head snapped up and he met Louis' unfocused gaze.

 

'Just because I don't go around destroying myself like you doesn't mean.....' Louis laughed loudly again and Harry stopped instantly, snapping his mouth shut. He looked at him as he laughed but his laugh was empty, emotionless and he was scaring Harry.

 

'Oh Hazza, sweet innocent Hazza, you think I'm destroying myself? I'm not destroying myself.' He stopped laughing and his face went serious, his eyes locking into Harry's. 'You and I is destroying me Harry. Whatever we had between us is destroying me. The memories of you and I are fucking destroying me and no matter how much I drink, I can't erase that disgusting shit Harry, no matter how much I fucking try. I look at myself in the mirror and I disgust myself. I'm not a faggot Harry! Yet I have to see you every single fucking day reminding me of what I so desperately want to forget.' His voice was hard and emotionless, like his eyes and his empty laugh. Harry felt himself break even more, though he doubted there was anymore of him left to break. He thought he couldn't feel anymore pain after the hurt of losing Louis but Louis was finding new levels of hurt to inflict on him. He looked away from Louis as he felt a huge lump close his throat. How was it that their love was the cause of Louis' drinking and drug intake? How had he not seen it? He didn't want to cry in front of Louis. He didn't want to cry anymore period. He had cried more than enough and he doubted he had anymore tears left to shed! Louis' words cut deep like razors into his already tender skin, slashing at the raw wounds drawing blood.

 

Harry raised his head and looked at Louis who was still looking at him with that cold, empty unfocused stare. 'I'm sorry you feel that way,' Harry told him softly. 'I never meant to hurt you with my love or that my feelings for you would make you want to destroy yourself. I'm sorry you find it all so disgusting. I didn't know.' Louis picked up his bottle of beer and took another swig. He pulled out his packet of cigarettes and lit one, inhaling slowly then breathing out a white puff of smoke from between his lips.

 

'You know what?' he asked Harry. Harry just looked at him, letting him speak. 'Before I met you, I was perfectly normal. I was a normal lad who played football and chased girls and went down to the pub with me mates. Then you came into my life and fuck....I don't even know what hit me! Suddenly I don't me anymore. From the first day I met you in that fucking bathroom, you made me question everything about myself every single fooking day. For the past five years I've questioned myself about what the fuck I was doing shagging a dude! How in the fuck was I even letting a dude blow me? But you know what really fucked me up Hazza?' Harry didn't trust himself to speak. He was so close to crying though he was already crying on the inside, so he simply shook his head 'no' at Louis. Louis took another drag on his cigarette.

 

'What really fucked me up was that in my mind I knew it was wrong. In my mind I hated it. In my mind it felt wrong to be with you. But in my heart and in my soul it felt right. It felt good. It felt perfect and pure and so right. That's when my battles began and my demons chased my angels to hell. You made me happy and sad at the same time. You made me love you and hate you. You made me feel desires and wants and cravings I never felt before for anyone. I fucking knew I wasn't gay yet there I was, in you, fucking you, wanting you all the damn time and no matter how many times I fucked you, it was never enough! I wanted more of you. My feelings were all over the place. Is this wrong? Is this right? Shall I go for it or not? I decided to go for it. Don't knock it until you try it right? And five years later, its still fucking tearing me apart. It tears me apart every fucking single day. But.......' Louis paused and shook his head. Harry looked at him when he didn't speak and once again he found Louis staring at him, only this time the look in his eyes wasn't cold or empty. It was soft and sad.

 

'But while I was fighting my demons,' Louis began again, 'I fell for you. You told me once that falling for you won't be a mistake remember? And I fucking let myself fall for you. I put aside all my shit and how wrong it was to fuck a boy and I fell for you head over fooking heels. I let myself love you and when I did, I ended up loving you too much. Fuck I adored you. I worshiped you. I was fooking devoted to you. But you fooking lied to me. It was a mistake falling for you. It was a huge fooking mistake.' He stopped and gulped. Then he began to cry. Harry saw the tears fall from Louis' eyes and roll down his cheeks. It wasn't common for Louis to cry and this broken Louis in front of him was so endearing to his heart. Harry wanted to reach over and wipe his tears away, hug him and tell him that it will be alright but he didn't dare touch him. Not when he was telling him all this. Not when he was telling him that he was disgusted by what they had. Harry watched as Louis covered his face with his hands and sobbed. What kind of fucking shit did Calvin give him? He was an emotional wreck going from high to low in a split second.

 

'Louis,' he whispered to him, his hand reaching out to him but then he let it fall, knowing better than to touch him right now. 'Let me help you.' Louis sniffed and raised his head, his teary eyes locking into Harry's.

 

'How can you possibly help me when you're the one who's fooking killing me Haz?' Harry had to force himself really hard not to cry. He tried so hard to keep in mind that Louis was drunk and stoned and had taken something else which was making him weird but he couldn't help feel that all he was saying was true. It was true! Louis had just been holding all of this in all this time and now that he had found the courage to end it with him, he couldn't hold it in any longer. Calvin was right. Louis was fucked up because of him. Nobody else here was to blame but himself. He had driven him to this state and he hadn't even realized he was doing it. He looked at Louis who was sitting there looking into space, his eyes focused on something far away, crying like a baby and he felt his heart go out to him. Now he had another reason to leave the band. He had to leave so Louis could be alright. So that Louis could heal slowly and get help for his alcohol and substance abuse. Yes, Harry knew now more than ever that he had to leave One Direction. He had to leave for Louis!

 

'I don't feel too good,' Louis muttered all of a sudden, his dilated pupils fixed on Harry. Harry swallowed and ran a hand across his face. He had to get Louis out of here and back to the hotel so he could sleep this off. They had a show tomorrow and he had a lot of life changing plans to make for the both of them but especially for Louis. Once he was gone from One Direction, Louis could begin to heal and be normal. And he could go heal his broken heart and spirit!

 

'Okay Louis I'll take you back to the hotel yeah. Let me just call Alberto so he can bring the car around.' Louis smiled wide, his teary eyes crinkling.

 

'Alberto what a funny name is that. I mean who the fuck calls their child Alberto anyway? And why doesn't he go by Al? Or maybe Bert?' He giggled to himself. Harry shook his head. Louis' mood shifts where giving him a migraine. He and pulled out his phone, went to contacts and tapped Alberto. He picked up after the first ring.

 

'Alberto hey can you please bring the car round? I have to get Louis back to the hotel and he's not uhm in a really good state. We might need to avoid paps at all cost tonight unless we want management to have a stroke! Okay I'll bring him round the back.' Harry hung up and looked at Louis who seemed to be talking to himself.

 

'Can you walk?' he asked him as he stood up towering over him. Louis looked up at him, swaying back in the chair and giggled again.

 

'You are a giant Haz!' Harry rolled his eyes. What the fuck did Calvin give him?

 

'Can you walk Louis?' Harry asked him again. Louis looked down at his feet then back up at Harry.

 

'I can try but my feet look like flippers don't they?' Harry sighed. He put his hands under his arm pits and hauled him up. Louis stood unsteadily on his feet.

 

'Come on lets get you back. You have to apologize to Eleanor you know. You hurt her.' Louis looked up at Harry, furrowing his brows and scowled.

 

'She's the one who should apologize for taking up the whole damn bed. I mean the bed in our suite is like huuuuge and she is like tiny and she takes up all the god damn space so yeah she has to apologize because I never hurt her like I never pushed her off the bed or anything.' Harry gave him a sullen look. What was he even taking about besides the fact that he and Eleanor where sleeping in the same bed, confirming Harry's suspicions? It hurt Harry to know the truth. He was trying hard to switch off his emotions until he sorted out everything with Modest! Then he'd be gone and Louis could get better and not feel so bad about what he had done to him and start to get better and live a 'normal' life with Eleanor.

 

Harry sighed heavily and led him to the stairs leading out into the garden. If they just walked past the fountain right across the garden, there was the back entrance Alberto had told him about. Harry tried to support a very unbalanced Louis while trying not too touch him too much. It hurt to know that Louis felt disgusted by their relationship so he really didn't want to touch him and make him feel that way. They started going down the stairs and Louis was trying to find each step carefully.

 

'Haz,'he whispered as if afraid someone could hear him, 'I need to take a piss like really badly.' Harry looked at him a little annoyed. He was standing there like a little kid, shifting from foot to foot impatiently.

 

'Can't you hold it till we get to the hotel?' Louis shook his head roughly and immediately went sideways almost losing his balance. Harry caught him by the waist and righted him. Louis grabbed his crotch.

 

'I really really need to go Haz like now,' he whined. Harry rolled his eyes.

 

'Fuck,' he whispered. Louis giggled.

 

'You sound weird swearing my Hazza.' Harry huffed and wished Louis would stop it but he helped him down the stairs trying to hold him but not touch him too much. He took him near a tree.

 

'Hurry up,' he hissed at him. Louis frowned at him then looked up at the tree.

 

'Sorry Mr Big Tree but I really need to go.' Harry turned away from him hoping he won't fall on his face but Louis was done in a few minutes and he managed to get him out the back and into the waiting car. As soon as they were in the car, Louis started chatting to Alberto so much nonsense that Harry and Alberto just let him talk and didn't interrupt him maybe he would get it out of his system. It was like he was on speed all of a sudden! Alberto parked the car at the back entrance of the hotel and made sure that no paps or fans where around. He told Harry that they were good to go. Harry helped a really loud Louis out of the car and straight into the hotel. Lucky for them, there was a service elevator just inside the back entrance. He didn't want to take him through the lobby and risk getting papped and end up on Twitter. Last thing they needed was more negative publicity and more hassle with their management!

 

Louis kept talking not making any sense and trying to walk, stumbling every now and then over his feet. Harry pushed the button of the elevator and waited for the doors to open and once they did, he almost dragged Louis inside by his arm and led him to the back of the elevator, supporting his back against the wall while he placed his hand flat out on his chest to stop him from falling while with his other hand he pressed the button for their floor.

 

'It's hot in here,' Louis groaned as he grabbed the hem of his tee shirt and tried to take it off.

 

'Louis don't!' Harry scolded him pulling his tee shirt down again. Louis pushed Harry's hands off him and Harry immediately pulled them away not wanting to make him feel uncomfortable.

 

'Haz I'm hot!' he whined childlike. Yes you are, Harry thought sadly.

 

'You can undress when you get to your and El's room Louis not in the elevator.'

 

'Ugh,' Louis groaned rolling his eyes dramatically. 'She's always fooking mad at me. She whines so fooking much. Louis you drink too much. Louis you smoke to much. Bla bla fooking bla. She's not like you. You let me get away with everything because you are my Hazza.' He suddenly went sideways, leaning into Harry.

 

'Hey,' Harry told him, 'hold up straight we're almost there.' Harry put his arm around Louis' shoulder to straighten him up but the instant Louis felt Harry's arm around him, he cuddled up to him wrapping both his arms around his waist and rested his head on Harry's chest. Harry froze and didn't move, didn't even dare breath.

 

'I can hear your heart Haz,' Louis giggled, 'its going like a fooking train. Did you swallow a train Hazza?' Harry closed his eyes and swallowed but said nothing. He couldn't speak not when Louis was wrapped around him like this. Louis lifted his head off his chest and looked up at him, frowning.

 

'Harry you are too fooking tall,' he complained. 'You know I was taller than you when we first met then you grew like a bean-sprout. Tell me how is that fair? How is it that you are younger than me and taller hmm?' Louis poked Harry's cheek. 'Smile Haz I wanna see your dimple.' Louis stood on tip toes burying his face into Harry's neck and inhaled. 'Mmmm you smell so good,' he whined and Harry did his best to control himself and was eternally thankful when the elevator door dinged open onto their floor. If he had to stay in such close proximity to Louis any longer he knew he would have probably fainted. He couldn't keep up with Louis' emotional roller coaster! Of having him too close, touching him, smelling him, calling him "my Hazza". No, it was too much.

 

'Come on,' Harry told him, disentangling himself from Louis. Louis began to protest saying he wanted to stay in the box that moved a little longer. Harry shook his head. He made a mental note to ask Zayn what in the fuck was it that Cal had given him. If Louis had been taking this shit for a while, it never worked like this because Harry had never seen him like this before. Yes, there were times when he acted like an idiot but that was Louis wasn't it? He always did idiotic things and pulled silly faces while taking pictures with fans because he loved to prank and loved to be funny. It wasn't the drugs was it?

 

Finally Harry got a sulking Louis half walking half stumbling down the corridor. Harry kept close to him but not touching him just in case he stumbled. They reached Louis' suite but Eleanor had put the 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the door handle.

 

'Shit,' Harry mumbled. Louis went a little sideways.

 

'Harry the walls are tipping over,' he told him, his eyes wide staring at the wall opposite. 'Harry the wall is going to fall on us. Hold it because you are a big strong giant!' Harry just had to smile when he saw Louis' face staring at the wall as if it was really going to fall on him.

 

'Sure they are Lou. Come on change of plans.' He pulled Louis off the wall where he was sliding sideways and turned him back down the corridor, one hand on his waist to stop him from falling. Finally they made it to Harry's suite. Harry rested him against the wall.

 

'Stay,' Harry told him, pointing his index finger at him. He had barely left him a second so he could open the door when Louis started to slide down.

 

'Shit Louis,' Harry complained, 'stand still for just a second will you? Just until I open the door.'

 

'I need to sit,' Louis slurred. Harry sighed heavily and inwardly cursed Calvin for doing this to Louis and he also cursed Zayn for seeing Louis drunk and letting him smoke weed. He held Louis up the best he could with one hand while with the other he slid the key card into the slot and pushed open the door. He helped Louis inside and sat him down on his bed.

 

'Harry the room won't stop spinning. Tell it to stop spinning Haz.' Harry chuckled to himself.

 

'Wait till morning,' he told him. Louis looked at him with large eyes still dilated and unfocused.

 

'I really don't feel too good,' he said. Harry knelt before him and began untying his Vans.

 

'Lets get you to bed then shall we so you can sleep it off.' Harry took off his shoes and put them neatly side by side by the bed. Louis wiggled his toes and giggled.

 

'Ah that feels good,' he said. He looked down at Harry. 'Unlike my stomach.' Harry saw Louis's face change colors.

 

'Oh no you don't,' Harry told him as he quickly hauled him off the bed and straight into the bathroom. Louis knelt before the toilet just in time and heaved, bringing up all the drinks and food he had injested. Harry hoped he would also bring up whatever it was he had taken but he knew that that wasn't the case. The drug had seeped into his system and it would take time to wear off.

 

'That's it,' Harry encouraged him, 'bring it all up.' He moved Louis' fringe out of his eyes as Louis heaved again and again. 'There you go. Let it all out.' Harry rubbed his back as Louis continued to heave into the toilet. When he was done, he sat back on his haunches and groaned loudly.

 

'Ugh I feel like shit,' he moaned. Harry smiled.

 

'You look like it too.' Louis closed his eyes tightly shut.

 

'Harry please make the room stop spinning. It's going to make me fall.' Harry pressed his lips together to keep from laughing. He helped him off the floor and sat him on the closed toilet. He got a flannel and wet it with cold water and wiped Louis' face and neck.

 

'Better?' Harry asked him. Louis kept his eyes closed and smiled.

 

'Hmm yeah.' Just then Harry's phone rang. He fished it out of his jeans pocket, one hand on Louis' shoulder to stop him from falling off the toilet seat and crash to the floor face first.

 

'Hey Zayn,' Harry said into the phone.

 

'Zaynee pooh,' Louis yelled loudly.

 

'Hush,' Harry told him as he turned his attention back to the phone call. 'No Zayn we are not okay. He's wasted in a very bad way. I've never seen him like this before. You tell that piece of shit to tell you what it is that he gave Louis...or help me God.' Harry paused listening to Zayn. He took a deep breath. 'I'm calm Zayn. I just hate to see him like this okay. I brought him to my room now as Eleanor didn't want to be disturbed. Hopefully he'll sleep it off and be okay for tomorrow's show otherwise we're in deep shit with management. Yeah okay. See you in the morning.' Harry disconnected and shoved the phone back in his pocket. He looked at Louis who was sitting on the toilet swaying, his eyes closed.

 

'Lou can you stand up and brush your teeth?' Harry asked him as he fished in the drawer of the sink cabinet, producing a new toothbrush.

 

'Yeah,' Louis groaned but as he got up, he tilted sideways. Harry was quick to steady him.

 

'God Louis,' Harry complained. He helped him to the sink then stood behind him, both his hands lightly on his waist holding him up while Louis brushed his teeth slowly and messily. He groaned through a mouthful of toothpaste that he was going to throw up again and how it would all be Harry's fault because he was making him put white foamy stuff in his mouth. Harry bit his lip to avoid laughing. Besides all the shit that was running in Louis' system right now, he was funny as fuck!

 

When he was done, Harry helped him back into the bedroom and sat him down on the bed then went to the mini fridge and got him a tonic water with some lemon. He handed the glass to Louis.

 

'Here drink this. It will settle your stomach and keep you hydrated.' Louis pushed the glass away.

 

'I'll hurl again if I drink that and it will be all your fault.' Harry huffed.

 

'Stop being a baby Lou. You won't throw up trust me.' Louis took the glass from him and took a long swallow. He scrunched up his nose.

 

'What is this shit Haz?' he asked him as he belched loudly. Harry smiled.

 

'Better?' he asked him. Louis nodded.

 

'It so fooking hot in here,' he whined as he grabbed the hem of his tee shirt and pulled it off throwing it to the floor. He stood up on shaky legs and began fumbling with the button on his jeans but his fingers kept shaking and slipping. He looked up at Harry.

 

'The damn button keeps moving. Help me,' he told him in a whiney frustrated voice. Harry stood rooted to the spot. Louis was here in his room, drunk, stoned and drugged, half naked asking him to undress him after breaking up with him days days ago after a five year long relationship. Harry swallowed. He couldn't do this! Not after what Louis had said. He couldn't bring himself to touch him. Louis stomped his foot.

 

'Help me Haz,' he begged. But Harry just couldn't. Louis walked unsteadily towards him and stopped just within inches away from him. He put his hand lightly on Harry's hip and looked up into his face, his dazed eyes scanning Harry's face.

 

'You are sooooooo pretty,' Louis told him, smiling at him, his free hand going up to lightly touch his hair and twirl a lock around his finger. 'You have veeeeery pretty hair.' Harry shook on the inside but he didn't move an inch. Louis moved closer and gently stepped on Harry's boots and stood on tip toes, wrapping his arms around Harry's neck. Instinctively, Harry wrapped his arm around Louis lower back so he wouldn't fall, like he always did. Harry held his breath when he felt Louis' body pressed to his, chest, groin, thighs. It had been so long since he had last felt Louis' body. It felt longer than seven days. It felt like an eternity ago that Louis had been this close to him.

 

When he felt Louis' lips press to his, it took all he had to just stand still and not fall to the floor in a messy heap. Louis moved his lips slowly and softly against his but Harry did not kiss him back. He just couldn't. He was feeling too much and Louis had said so many things that he just couldn't. He pulled back and easily put Louis down off his feet and sat him down on the bed. Harry sat beside him.

 

'Lou,' he began but Louis scooted closer and Harry could feel his minty fresh breath on his face and his breath caught in his throat and he couldn't breath because Louis was looking at him with really wide eyes and he was trailing his fingers ever so gently up his thigh. Harry shivered. Louis' lips hovered over his.

 

'Harry,' he breathed, 'I'm very very veeeeery horny.' Harry gasped as he felt Louis' lips crash on his, his tongue pushing into his mouth. Next thing he knew, he was flat on his back and Louis was straddling his waist, kissing him with a force so deep. He was grinding his hips down on Harry with an urgent need. Harry brought his hands up to Louis' chest and pushed him back, disentangling their lips.

 

'Louis don't!' he rasped out but Louis continued to push his hips down on Harry seductively and Harry cursed his body for responding so easily to Louis.

 

'Why not Haz? I just want to fuck. Its not like we haven't done it before!' Louis smiled at him as if he was only asking for ice-cream. Harry blinked. Yes we have and you were disgusted by it! It hurt Harry so much to think that and have Louis grinding down on him, making him hard and lust for him when he didn't want to. Louis' hand went down between their bodies and he placed it between Harry's legs, rubbing his already hard dick.

'You want it don't you?' Louis asked him, still groping him.

 

'Louis don't,' Harry said again. Louis gripped him tighter and laughed.

 

'Someone is begging to differ Haz. I know you want it. You always do. Now come on, get these jeans off!' Harry took in a deep breath and pushed Louis off him who ended up sitting on his butt on the floor. He looked up at Harry with a hurt expression on his face and it made Harry feel bad that he had pushed him off so roughly.

 

'What the fuck is wrong with you? Since when have you become such a fucking prude?' Louis spat at him. Harry glared at him.

 

'Since you left me maybe? You think I would just sleep with you cos you feel like it?' Harry asked him angrily. Louis shrugged.

 

'So? People fuck all the time. Its nothing really!' he smiled up at Harry. He got up on his knees wobbling a little and carried himself between Harry's legs. He put his hands on Harry's thighs and looked up at him, a grin plastered on his face. He tugged at Harry's zip. 'Come on don't be a spoil sport. You know I give the best blow jobs ever!' He batted his eyelashes at Harry. Harry groaned inwardly and swatted his hands away.

 

'I said no okay. I don't want to.' Harry looked away from him. Louis huffed and got up unsteadily off the floor and flopped down beside Harry.

 

'And why the fuck not?' he asked him. Harry looked at him. Even as smashed as he was, he looked beautiful. Harry looked down at his fingers in his lap.

 

'For one, we are not together anymore,' he said softly. Louis scoffed.

 

'So fucking what? That doesn't make sense Harold! It's just a fuck!' Harry couldn't believe he was hearing this, hearing Louis say that this was really nothing. Harry took in a deep breath.

 

'Louis you are very drunk and stoned and God knows what else and I don't want you doing or saying anything you will not remember in the morning or if you do remember, you will regret. I...I don't want you forgetting or regretting anything about us even though we are not together anymore. If you were sober, you wouldn't be doing or saying all this.' Harry knew that by morning all this would be a haze to Louis. He wouldn't remember anything not even all these words he was telling him, so Harry decided to take the opportunity. He cupped his cheek in his hand and with his thumb he stroked his face loving the feel of his stubble under his fingers. God he missed him! Louis leaned into his touch like he had always done.

 

'It' s not because I don't love you anymore okay. I love you still and always will but I can't have memories that you don't or memories that I know you will regret. You have enough of that already going on for you and I am so very sorry I am the cause of your pain. But soon you will be okay alright. I will make everything alright for you. I promise.'

 

'M'not drunk,' Louis pouted like a little child. Harry smiled and removed the fringe out of his eyes.

 

'Sure you're not! Let's get them jeans off shall we so you can sleep it off yeah?' Louis kept looking at Harry pouting.

 

'Okay,' he whined. Harry got up and helped him to stand. He slowly moved his hands to his jeans button and unbuttoned it. He pulled his zip down and gently eased his jeans off his bum and down his legs. Harry felt his heart ready to bust his chest cavity. His hands shook as his fingers met with Louis' skin. He helped him step out of them and Louis grinned up at him.

 

'Thanks Hazza. That's so much better.' Harry gave him half a smile and pulled back the comforter off the bed. Louis lay down.

 

'Ugh the room is going round in circles Haz. Please stop it. I will throw up again.' Harry stroked his forehead.

 

'You'll be fine. Try to sleep yeah.' He watched as Louis closed his eyes. Harry sighed heavily. He pulled off his boots and undressed. He pulled on a pair of grey jogging pants and a white tee shirt and got on the other side of the bed. He lay on his back and looked up at the ceiling, thinking all about what happened this night, the words Louis had told him about his pain, the drugs, Calvin...everything played back like a very bad movie on a giant screen in high definition. He felt Louis shift in his sleep and turn towards him. He placed his head on his chest and wrapped his arm around his waist.

 

'My Hazza,' he murmured in his sleep as he nuzzled closer to Harry and threw one of his legs over Harry's thighs. It was Louis' favorite sleeping position. Harry took in a deep breath and his chest hurt. His heart hurt and his head and his soul and his bones right down to the marrow. Everything hurt but for tonight, for just this night, he needed comfort. He needed Louis and he was going to take what Louis gave him even though he would not remember anything in the morning and for that Harry was glad because he didn't want Louis to feel disgusted that they had slept in the same bed. He wrapped his arm around Louis' shoulder and kissed the top of his head. He swallowed past the lump in his throat.

 

'I love you Lou. So much,' he whispered to a snoring Louis.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning. Just woke up an hour ago and after coffee, came here to start working on new chapters for you guys. Also, yesterday I uploaded a new fic "A Letter To Gucci's Muse". I would really appreciate it if you would check it out. Thank you guys. All the love, M.

Louis opened one eye and instantly regretted it. His head pounded and throbbed, a steady rhythm beating into his foggy brain. His throat felt immensely dry and he badly needed a drink of cold water. He closed his eyes again and groaned loudly, pressing his face into the pillow to try and dull the thrumming inside his head. The room spun and he felt as if he was floating in water, his body not touching the mattress he was on. He felt disoriented as to where he was. It was then that he became aware of someone sleeping behind him, pressed up against his back, and his back was pressed into someone's chest and that someone was breathing softly into the back of his neck. He looked down and saw an arm draped around his waist, an arm with a watch, two rings and an anchor tattoo. It was then that he became fully aware through his fuddled state of drunkenness that the person sleeping behind him, wrapped tightly against his body was Harry.

 

Louis stiffened. He didn't move an inch. How did this happen? When did this happen? How was he in Harry's room, in his bed, in nothing but his boxers? He tried hard to remember at what point last night he had ended up undressed in Harry's room, in the same bed with him but he couldn't remember. His mind felt as it was full of clouds and smoke and mist and fog, everything swirling together and not making any sense. What the fuck happened last night? His heart began beating faster as his mind threw at him a flashing red sign, a most likely and possible scenario of what had happened playing in his head. Fuck no! Louis gulped.

 

He needed to get up. His mind screamed at him to get up and move away, that this was against everything he had decided on but his heart was telling him otherwise. He felt Harry's body pressed against his back, Harry's chest pressed so close to his back that he could feel the steady beat of his heart, his soft breathing as his chest rose and fell slowly against him, his breath on his neck warm and soft and his arm always wrapped protectively around his waist holding him as if he was afraid he would lose him. Harry's knees were bent into the crook of his own knees, their bodies fitting together perfectly even in slumber. Louis closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, feeling the familiarity of this hit him with force. He was warm and comfortable and in Harry's arms and he needed to get the fuck up and away from this right away!

 

He wriggled out of Harry's grasp, easing out from under Harry's arm. Harry opened his eyes when he felt Louis move and instantly removed his body away from Louis when he realized that he had been sleeping wrapped around him. He hadn't meant to and he felt his cheeks flamed. His body was just used to Louis and it was normal for them to spoon when they slept. Only Harry realized belatedly due to his sleep fuddled brain that Louis wasn't his anymore.

 

'I...I'm so..sorry..I...must've...I fell asleep and I...I'm sorry Lou,' he stammered as he slowly sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. Louis sat up on the bed, swinging his feet to the carpeted floor and instantly regretted it. He closed his eyes and fought back the wave of nausea and the dizziness that suddenly hit him. He took in a few deep breaths to calm himself, to calm his racing heart and the thoughts going round his head, the clawing fear inside of him of what might have happened last night with Harry.

 

'Lou are you alright?' Harry asked him, his morning voice much deeper than usual. Louis pressed his lips together. He so didn't fucking need to hear Harry's morning voice right now! Harry's morning voice had many a time woken him up gently and sweetly, easing him from his sleepy state to wakefulness in the easiest way possible. Louis scrunched up his eyes tightly shut fighting back the damn memories that would not leave him the fuck alone.

 

'I'm fine,' Louis said dryly. He took a deep breath again, slowly opened his eyes and he stood up from the bed swaying a little. He turned around cautiously to face Harry who was sitting on the bed, tying his messy curls up in a bun. He was fucking sure his heart missed a couple of beats when he saw him wrap his hair tie twice around his bun. How many times had he witnessed this? Fuck this shit! Louis growled at himself.

 

'What the fuck happened here Harry?' Louis told him through clenched teeth. 'How the fuck did I end up here? With you? In fucking bed?' He spat the words out at him harshly. Harry sighed and took in a deep breath bracing himself. Of course he wouldn't remember anything! Harry looked at him and he could feel the great divide once again settle between them. The spaces between us keep getting deeper.

 

'You got wasted last night so I brought you here,' he told him, choosing the shorter version of events as possible.

 

'Why the fuck didn't you take me to my room? I have one you know,' Louis growled at him as he picked his jeans up off the floor and began putting them on, trying to keep himself balanced and ignoring the spinning of his head. Harry stood up and looked at him.

 

'I did Lou but Eleanor put the do not disturb sign on the door after you were so nasty to her and I had no other choice but to bring you here. I couldn't just leave you out in the corridor could I?' Louis stared daggers at him. Don't fucking call me Lou! I'm not yours anymore! He wanted to throw those words in Harry's face but the way Harry was looking at him, all soft and sad made him hold them back. After all Liam had advised him not to hurt him more than was necessary.

 

'You could've fucking taken me to Zayn's room couldn't you?' Harry bit his lower lip. He couldn't understand why Louis was so hateful towards him.

 

'Zayn has Perrie with him,' he told him quietly. Louis kept his eyes on him for a few seconds then grabbed his shirt and put it on. Harry watched him as he took in another deep breath. Gone is last night's Louis. He could still feel the ghost of his lips on his and his hand touching him. Harry felt his heart pick up its beat at the memory. He had missed him so much. And here he was, disgusted because they had slept in the same bed!

 

'Did anything happen?' Louis asked him sternly, his voice empty of all emotions except anger.

 

'No,' Harry replied a little shocked at Louis' insinuation. 'No Lou of course not!' Louis ran a hand through his messy hair then met Harry's innocent eyes.

 

'Harry if you did anything to me....'

 

'Louis nothing happened alright. I would never take advantage of you while you were in that state. How dare you think that of me that I would....that I would dare take advantage of you while you were intoxicated. Don't you know me?' Harry couldn't believe that Louis was even asking this of him. He was so close to telling him that he had been the one who wanted to fuck and the one that had kissed him and touched him but he wanted to spare him the embarrassment and disgust of it. It hurt to see it on his face. Besides, Louis already had too much to deal with without him telling him all the stuff he had said and done last night. Louis sighed with relief.

 

'So nothing happened?' he asked again just to make sure. Harry thought he almost sounded disappointed but then again his mind had been playing a lot of tricky things on him. Harry smiled faintly.

 

'Nothing big. You were just sick and I took care of you. Then I helped you undress and put you to bed. I'm sorry I woke up spooning you. I didn't mean....'

 

'Yeah yeah whatever,' Louis cut him of as he began searching for his shoes. He found them by the bed where Harry had left them for him, sat on the edge of the bed and commenced putting them on. Harry rubbed the back of his neck and moved to the front of the bed and sat down beside him. Louis continued to tie his laces not paying any attention to Harry.

 

'Lou,' Harry spoke quietly as if he was afraid to talk. Louis stopped tying his shoes and looked at Harry. He felt himself mentally gasp. Harry always looked adorable in the mornings, with that messy bun of his and those gorgeous sleepy eyes. He always reminded Louis of a sleepy doe. Louis remembered how many times he had woken him by kissing his eyelids, his nose, each of his cheeks and finally his lips. And he had watched as his baby doe slowly fluttered his eyes open, his green eyes meeting his, that small smile on his lips and his raspy voice as he whispered good morning. Louis shook his head and it was a big mistake. He went sideways colliding with Harry. Harry held him by the shoulders but Louis was quickly moved out of his touch.

 

'What Haz?' he asked him non to gently. His patience with Harry was wearing thin. Harry swallowed.

 

'Can you please do something for me?' He looked into Louis eyes but Louis did not speak so Harry continued. 'Can you please stop going down this destructive road you are going down? Nothing good can come of it and you are going to hurt yourself.' Louis scoffed.

 

'What the fuck are you on about Haz? I only had a few drinks,' Louis told him. Harry kept his eyes locked onto Louis and he could see that he was nervous.

 

'I know about the drugs Lou,' he told him quietly and he could see the anger flit across Louis' beautiful face.

 

'You know shit Harry! You don't know anything,' he spat at him.

 

'So tell me,' Harry begged him, 'let me help you. You told me that we can still be friends despite everything and I.....'

 

'There is nothing to fucking tell you alright!' Louis cut him off. 'My life is mine and you are no longer a part of it so what I fucking do shouldn't be your concern!' Harry stood up and looked down on Louis.

 

'It is my concern Louis. I care for you. I can't just stop loving you and caring for you just because we are not together....'

 

'That's the thing Harry we are not fucking together anymore. There is no need for you to take care of me. I don't want you to fucking take care of me,' Louis yelled at him. Harry flinched and looked down not baring to see the anger flash in Louis' eyes. Why was he so angry?

 

'I know you used drugs when we were together too,' he told him softly.

 

'What?' Louis asked him. 'Who the fuck told you all this shit?' Harry raised his head and met his gaze. He had to be careful what to tell him as he didn't want to give anything away of what Louis had told him last night. He only wanted to say what Calvin had told him.

 

'Is it true you had to drug yourself in order to be with me? Was I that bad to be with?' Harry's voice was no more than a whisper. 'What kind of drugs did you take and still take Lou? Did you really need....stuff to help you while you were with me? You struggled that much that you had to pump yourself full of drugs just to be with me?' Louis swallowed.

'I don't know who the fuck has been filling your head.....'

'Answer me,' Harry begged. 'Tell me. Be honest with me. Its the least you can do. Did you really even love me? Did you? You can stop taking them now since we are not together anymore. There's no point in you drugging yourself.' Harry kept his eyes fixed on Louis, watching the stunned look on his face but he could not read the emotions flicking over his face. Louis swallowed hard.

 

'You know what Harry? I owe you no fucking explanations. Like you said, we are not together anymore so what I do with my life is my business, not yours, not anyone else's so stay the fuck out of my shit Harry.' He continued to tie his shoe laces. Harry took a step towards him.

 

'I...I just want to help you Lou. I want to understand. Please,' Harry begged him. Louis stood up and pointed his finger at him.

 

'Just stay the fuck away from me Harry. I don't need you or your help. I'm done with you and all this fucking drama.' He gave him one last look and stormed out of the bedroom, hurried into the living room and then Harry heard the door close quietly behind Louis. Harry took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. When has Louis started hating me so much? Harry thought to himself. What was it that I have done so wrong to him that he hates me this much? I only loved him. He looked at the clock on the little bedside table and it read 9:15 am. He needed to get ready as he had to meet Jeff this morning and he needed to text Ed as he was going to need him that morning too.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys just wanna say thanks for all the reads and your lovely comments esp those who DM'ed me on Twitter. It is always so nice to hear from you guys and for your feedback. Alright, so today is the last day I will be updating daily. Tomorrow I start work again and have to continue working on ADSOL chapter 43 so I will resume updating Outing Larry on weekends. However, if I do get any free time, I might surprise you with random updates. Enjoy. All the love, M.

Louis trudged down the corridor feeling lost and confused and angry. Lately he had been feeling half a heart a lot and that made him angrier with himself because why should he? He had Eleanor and his friends and his band mates so why should he feel like something was missing? Yet there it was, smack down right in the middle of his chest, an empty hollow feeling which only went away when he was intoxicated. The only thing that he felt was keeping him alive was performing. He loved to be on tour and loved their shows. Their fans were what fueled him to carry on. Them and his love for the job.

 

Involuntarily, is mind drifted back to this morning. He felt butterflies assault his stomach when he let his mind wander to the feel of Harry's body pressed up against him, his arm wrapped protectively around his waist, his soft breath on his neck. They usually slept the other way round. Harry was the little spoon. Louis allowed himself to go back to the many nights they had fallen asleep like that and had woken up to each other like that. A pang of pain stabbed Louis right in the middle of his chest. He had to stop and catch the breath that was knocked out of him by the vivid memory. He rested his arm against the wall of the corridor and took a deep breath. The intoxicating effects of yesterday where making him think up this shit. It suddenly occurred to him that this morning when he had woken up, Harry had been sleeping in a pair of joggers and tee shirt. He mentally slapped himself for asking him if he had touched him. Of course Harry would never do anything like that! Harry was decent and good and he had slept clothed for his benefit since he was just in boxers. How could he have been such an asshole and accusing him of taking advantage of him while he was inebriate? Harry had only taken care of him when he had deserved to be left out in the corridor. Harry didn't have to help him and look after him but he had nonetheless because Harry was good and kind.

 

Louis straightened up and continued towards his room. His head throbbed mercilessly and his stomach needed food to soak up the remaining alcohol and all the shit he had put into his body the previous night. He couldn't remember jack shit from yesterday. His memory only took him up to Cal wanting to do karaoke. That dickhead always came up with the craziest shit! Well maybe it was better that he couldn't remember. He wished he could remember much less but there was no way to erase certain memories. A song from 5 Seconds of Summer came to his mind just then:

 

I wish that I could wake up with amnesia  
And forget about the stupid little things  
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you  
And the memories I never can escape

 

At least though, by taking that shit, it had put him out of his misery for a while and he had forgotten. Until he woke up this morning in the same bed as Harry! He didn't regret his decision of leaving Harry. He only regretted that Harry was the one hurting out of this because despite what Niall thought, Louis did care for Harry's feelings because putting aside the fact that they had been in a relationship for five years, Harry was his best friend and he cared about him. The least he could do was be friends with him, but then again he knew that wasn't even possible. For one, lovers cannot just go back to being friends and for two he had just told Harry to stay the fuck away from him.

 

He reached the door of his suite and he hadn't thought about how to deal with Eleanor. He only vaguely remembered snapping at her. Fuck! Now he had to apologize too besides explaining his absence last night. Two things he really hated to do! Relationships were turning out to be a hazard to his health and Louis was tempted to just tell everyone to fuck off and just be single. But he couldn't! Not after all this Larry shit! He had to shut down Larry once and for all. The fans had to realize that there was no more Larry. They had to start tweeting something else and he was going to give them something to tweet about.

 

He pulled his key card from his back pocket, inserted it into the slot and pushed the door open. He took a deep breath. Here we go, he told himself. Women were a shit load much more difficult to deal with than men! Not that he had dealt with many women! He had been with Harry since he was eighteen but having a mother and five sisters pretty much constituted for the lack of girlfriends he's had! He shook his head. What the fuck? The only man he had had to deal with for the past five years was Harry and Harry wasn't half as bad. Harry was sensitive yes and many times he had to tread carefully around him and why was he even thinking of Harry and his sensitivity when he should be ready to apologize to his girlfriend? He walked in and he saw her sitting on the couch having tea. She was wrapped in a fluffy white robe, her feet tucked under her, her Kindle on her lap and a cup of tea in her hand.

 

'Hey,' he told her, as gently as his voice allowed. He felt edgy and irritated already so he hoped she wouldn't give him a lot of shit about his not coming back to their suite last night. She didn't look up at him but kept staring at her kindle though he doubted she was reading at all. She probably just wanted to ignore him. It was fine by him if she wanted to ignore him. He wanted to ignore her too but he sat down beside her and looked at her. She was pretty, with her hair down over her shoulders and her face free of make up.

 

'El about yesterday.....'

 

'Just don't Louis,' she cut him off. He took in a deep breath. Patience Louis, patience, he told himself.

 

'I have to El. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. I'm sorry.' She raised her eyes from her Kindle and looked at him, really looked at him.

 

'Why did you bring me back?' she asked him matter of factly. Louis looked at her confused.

 

'What do you mean El? You know why.' Eleanor put the cup on the coffee table and put her legs down and turned to face him.

 

'For what Louis?' she asked him again, her voice tinged with anger. Louis sighed.

 

'Because l want you here with me,' he told her.

 

'For what?' she asked him again. Louis pinched the bridge on his nose with his thumb and forefinger. He didn't need this shit right now. His head was threatening to split apart and he was hungry. He wondered if the hotel would room service him with a full English breakfast!

 

'El I need you here.' he told her hoping his answer satisfied her. She folded her arms across her chest.

 

'You need me,' she repeated. 'For what?' Louis internally groaned. He wasn't up for being fucking interrogated so early after being drunk and stoned out of his senses. He realized that he could do with a smoke right now, just to escape all this shit. He ran a hand over his face.

 

'Can we not do this now please?' he asked her. She eyed him carefully.

 

'Where did you sleep last night?' she asked him. Oh Jesus Christ when will she give over? he asked himself. Eleanor took his hesitation as not wanting to reply to her question. She tapped her lips with her index finger. 'Let me guess,' she told him, 'you slept in Harry's room.'

 

'El I was fucking drunk and you put up that shit do not disturb sign.....' She laughed cutting him off.

 

'How very convenient for Harry right! Always the gentle Harry swooping in to save the day like the charming prince that he is.' Louis could feel the anger churning in the pit of his stomach. He himself and only himself could deal out all the shit he wanted to to Harry but there was no way in hell anyone else was going to bad mouth Harry. Not in his fucking presence and to his face.

 

'He helped me alright. He was there and looked after me. It's not what you're thinking!' Louis snapped at her. Eleanor stood up and walked across the room, running her fingers through her long hair.

 

'I don't believe you Louis. I have been your beard before to cover up your relationship with Harry so I know that you two....' she paused and took in a deep breath, exhaling softly. 'You know this time its different. I am not your air quote "beard" anymore. If you remember correctly, I declined my pay cheque form Modest. I'm not here to help you hide anymore. You asked me to be your girlfriend for real Louis.' Louis got up and walked towards her.

 

'I know and this time it's real between us okay. Nothing happened with Harry. Harry and I are over. For good but we are in the same band. We work together. We have to be in each other's lives so the least I can do is be friends with him.' He looked into her eyes but he saw that she wasn't convinced yet.

 

'Maybe you need to tell him that. Maybe you need to stress the point to him that you and him are over and that I am your girlfriend now. Maybe you need to stress to him that you don't want him anymore because he's not going to give up on you you know that right. He's going to keep trying to win you back......'

 

'El for the love of God, he got the picture. He knows we're together anymore okay. He knows he and I are done for good and that I'll never go back to that shit. Harry and I...what we had....that was a mistake okay. I don't want that anymore. I want you El.' Eleanor looked down away from his blue eyes.

 

'You seem to forget that I'm a woman and that I have feelings. I've always had feelings for you Louis even when I was your beard but you were so in love with Harry. You never look at me the way you look at him.' Louis put his finger under her chin and raised her face till her brown eyes met his. They were a bit weird in color because he was used to green.....

 

'El please there's nothing between Harry and I anymore okay. You need to trust me. I want to make us work okay and I will. I just need you to trust me. I will never do anything to hurt you. And I've always known you had feelings for me and I'm sorry I couldn't reciprocate them before but this time its different. I promise.' Eleanor looked into his eyes and wrapped her arms around his waist.

 

'How is this going to work Louis? The fans....they hated me before and now?' Louis sighed.

 

'They will get used to us being together you'll see. They have to. They have to let this Larry shit go. Its only been a rumor anyway. We never confirmed anything so its just their suspicions.'

 

'You never denied it either though,' she told him softly, 'and they weren't wrong. They nailed it down perfectly. They love you and Harry together. You are their modern day Romeo and Romeo. They are going to hate me and blame me for coming between you and Harry you know that right?' Louis couldn't help but feel sorry for her because yeah he knew that the fans where going to eat her up alive. Louis stroked her back.

 

'Don't worry El, I will make sure they won't hate you okay. They have to accept this and that Larry is nothing but a load of bullshit. They will get it eventually.'

 

'But that's the point Louis. You and Harry are not bullshit. They did not get it when Modest! tweeted on your behalf about Larry being bullshit and that you're happy with me and they won't get it now and they never will because you are truly in love with him Louis. I've been here long enough to see the way you look at him, the fond in your eyes. You never looked at me like that. The attention you give to him, you give to no one else not even your family. The gentleness you treat him with is unlike anything I've ever seen. The ease with which you two move together and interact makes you and I look very awkward and that's how the fans know Larry is real and that we are fake.' Louis groaned loudly.

 

'Eleanor we are not fake. We are real now. Whatever was with Harry its over. For good. Please just stop thinking about what was and we start looking forward to making this relationship work. I want to be with you El. Harry was.....was a mistake. I was just a lad of eighteen when I met him and it was something I never tried before. I was smitten and yes I've been with him since then but I'm done now. I want you. Can you please please just give us a chance without throwing all this in my face every fucking time? He's going to around me and I around him El and I don't want us to have these arguments every time.' Eleanor chewed on her bottom lip nervously. Louis stroked her hair. 'Please baby? Say you'll try with me? I can make you happy. We can be happy together. See I even have you in my suite! That's different than before right?' He grinned at her and El smiled a little.

 

'Yeah but you still sleep on the couch,' she told him playfully. Louis smiled.

 

'Then I guess we have a few things to change then,' he told her as he leaned in and placed his lips over hers. Eleanor wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in closer, deepening the kiss. Louis felt her tongue brush his bottom lip and it felt weird because her lips didn't fit him exactly and when her tongue met his, it didn't have that familiar minty taste he was so used to and her fingers around his neck were too small and it felt odd that he had to bend down a little to kiss her. He always had to tilt his head up and stand on tip toes and the hands that usually held him were big and the body that usually held him close was bigger than him, and Louis always loved to be enveloped in those arms, pressed to that smooth hard chest. But things had to change now and this was his first step into becoming a different Louis.

TO BE CONTINUED....


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another one. I know some of you are very excited for this story. Bless you. All the love, M.  
> The song I used that Harry wrote for Louis is by Bobby Andonov and its called "Love is War."

Harry walked through the lobby of the hotel and spotted Jeff and Ed sitting on a couch chatting. He hurried over to them.

 

'Jeff,' he said and Jeff immediately stood up, right away noticing how tired Harry looked and how the smile on his lips was forced. He had known Harry for a very long time now and he loved him like a brother. He hated seeing him like this and he had been shocked to the marrow when Harry had called him to tell him that Louis had broken up with him. Jeff pulled him into a hug.

 

'Harry, how are you?' he asked him anxiously. Harry hugged his friend tightly.

 

'I'm alright considering.' They broke the hug and Jeff looked at him closely, at the strained look on his face, the dark circles under his eyes.

 

'Have you been taking care of yourself?' Jess asked him. Harry shrugged.

 

'Not much. I mean, I have other things to worry about.'

 

'Harry!' Jeff sighed. 'You can't do this to yourself. I know its hard but....' Just then they were interrupted by a voice.

 

'Harry!!' Harry looked up at the owner of the voice and his face split into a beautiful smile when he saw Xander and Glenne walking towards them.

 

'Xander!' he breathed, relief flooding him when he saw his other best friend hurrying towards him and engulfing him in a tight hug.

 

'Surprise!' Jeff said. He knew that Harry and Xander were close so he figured that Harry could do with the people that cared about him and loved him and those he felt comfortable with at this time when he needed them the most. Harry broke the hug and hugged Glenne.

 

'I'm so happy to see you all,' he said in Glenne's hair. She rubbed his back up and down fondly.

 

'We are here for you Harry. We know its a difficult time so we're here okay.' They broke apart and Harry looked at his friends.

 

'Thank you for coming. I am so happy you are here.' He turned his gaze on Jeff. 'I booked the piano room for this morning as I need you to hear some stuff for my uhm, my solo career?' Jeff sighed heavily.

 

'Harry you know I would do anything for you but you are rushing into this. Modest will not let you go you know that. They have plans for you Harry. A little bird told me that they want to sign you up to their label as a solo artist. That's why they have been singling you out and greasing you up a little so you would sign up with them. Besides that thought, you are not really ready for a solo career. Being a solo artist is differen Harry.' Harry swallowed and looked down.

 

'I don't want to sign up with them. Jeff, I need you to lawyer me up and find me a loop hole in the contract. I need to leave really badly. Please. If I stay here.....' Harry choked up. Jeff, Glenne, Xander and Ed exchanged looks and Ed shrugged at Jeff in an 'I told you so' kinda way. Jeff put his hand on Harry's shoulder and squeezed it gently.

 

'Let's go to the piano room and talk Harry.' Harry nodded not trusting himself to speak. He walked with Ed, Jeff Glenne and Xander by his side. They left the lobby and walked down a corridor towards the piano room. As they were a few feet away from the door a voice stopped them.

 

'Oi Harry, I need to talk to you,' Louis called loudly. Harry closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. Not again. Please please go away, he told himself. Jeff, Ed, Glenne and Xander turned around simultaneously and faced Louis who stopped close to Harry. His eyes narrowed at Jeff. He didn't like Jeff and he didn't like the fact that he was here. Most of all he detested Xander because Xander like Harry in more than a friendly kinda way. Ed rolled his eyes when he saw Louis stare daggers at Xander.

 

'What do you want Louis? Can't you leave him alone?' Louis grinned but his insides twisted at Ed. How dare he?

 

'I will Edward as soon as I talk to him. We have some shit to discuss.' Harry kept his back to Louis. Xander placed a hand on Harry's back and Louis felt the urgent need to break his arm. Yeah they had split up and yeah he was with Eleanor but something kept him teetered to Harry that fired in his the feeling of ownership. And that shit hole had no business touching Harry.

 

'Harry do you want to talk to him?' Jeff asked him quietly. Seriously what the fuck are you like his protector now? Its not like I'm going to eat him. Okay that came out wrong but still.... Louis thought to himself. He saw Harry nod.

 

'Can you guys wait for me in there please?' Harry asked his friends. They nodded and began filing inside except Xander who lingered with Harry, his hand on the small of his back and threw a hard look at Louis.

 

'Are you sure you will be okay Harry?' Xander asked him gently. 'I can stay with you if you like.' Louis rolled his eyes.

 

'Of course you would!' he spat at him. Xander tore his eyes away from Harry and landed them on Louis.

 

'Watch yourself Tomlinson!' Xander growled at him. 'He's my best friend and I don't like seeing him hurt.' Louis chuckled.

 

'Or you'll what?' he taunted Xander. Before he could reply, Harry gripped Xander's arm.

 

'Please don't. Go in. I'll just be a sec yeah.' Xander nodded, threw another hard look at Louis and walked into the room, not closing the door behind them. Harry turned around and looked at Louis.

 

'What do you want Louis?' he told him in a tired voice. Louis looked at him. Harry wore his black skinny jeans, a white button shirt down and his God awful brown boots. Louis detested those boots. Many times he wanted to throw them away but Harry loved them so much. His shoulders slumped a little and Louis noticed that indeed he looked tired. 'Well?' Harry asked him again pulling him out of his thoughts. Louis met his gaze.

 

'What the fuck did you do last night?' he asked him not in a gentle voice.

 

'I already told you that all I did was....'

 

'Not while I was in your fucking room. Before. Why did you call out Cal with Alberto?' Harry looked at him confused.

 

'I didn't.....'

 

'Don't try to fucking deny it Harry.' Louis moved closer to Harry, their shoes almost touching. Louis looked up into Harry's face. 'They fucking sent Cal and the others back home because of you. I can't see them unless we're on breaks. I'm not allowed to have my friends with me on tour because of you Harry. What's your plan huh? To isolate me from everyone so that I have no choice but to turn to you? Like that fucking stunt you pulled yesterday taking me to your room and sleeping in the same fucking bed! What were you thinking huh? I'm not your's anymore so stop trying to make me. I am with Eleanor now.' Harry swallowed thickly and looked into Louis' blue eyes. Harry loved the color of his eyes. He always got lost in them. He blinked.

 

'I didn't do what you are saying Lou but if they sent him back, I'm happy. He's been giving you....'

 

'Its not your fucking business Harry or your place to tell me what and what not to do. You are not my fucking mother. Or anything else for that matter that should have any say in my life.' Harry pressed his lips together feeling his heart being squashed again. Possibly couldn't Louis see that he had broken him to all his limits and there was nothing further to break? But still it hurt. His words hurt so much. Harry looked down at his shoes and Louis followed his gaze. Ugh he was looking at them ugly ass boots!

 

'Okay,' Harry told him quietly. He just wanted Louis to say what he had to say and go away. Louis looked at him.

 

'Let me live my life without you ruining it any further yeah.' Harry had heard enough. What could he blame Louis' hurtful words on today? He wasn't drunk or stoned or drugged! Maybe the after effects? There was nothing to blame it on. No excuses. Louis was being plain mean. Harry looked at him and without another word, he turned and walked into the room, leaving Louis in the corridor. He couldn't take anymore hurt from Louis. He just couldn't.

 

As soon as he walked into the room, Xander rushed to him when he saw the pained look on his face.

 

'Are you alright? What did he want? Isn't he done with you yet?' Harry shook his head but said nothing. He couldn't talk from the emotional over load he had. Ed sighed.

 

'Really Harry you can't keep taking his shit. Look at you. You look like misery.' Harry looked at Ed.

 

'I'm okay....'

 

'No,' Ed cut him off, 'you are not okay Harry. You have to stop saying that. Everyone knows you're not alright.' Harry's eyes left Ed's and rested on Jeff.

 

'I want to leave Jeff. I can't stay here any longer. Please you have to help me. You said....' Jeff put his palms up to stop Harry.

 

'Harry Harry calm down. I know what I said. I know I said that I would help you should you want a solo career in the future....'

 

'The future in now Jeff. I'm ready,' Harry said interrupting Jeff. Jeff looked at him with sympathy in his eyes. He couldn't stand seeing Harry suffering like this. He wanted to take him away. Harry was begging him to take him away from here, from that asshole and there was nothing more he wanted to do than take him away and help him get better but he knew he couldn't. At least not professionally. Personally, he was going to try and make Harry better.

 

'No Harry you are not ready,' he told him kindly. 'You only want to leave because Louis left you. Because you are hurting and at the moment you can't be in his vicinity.' Jeff stopped when he saw Harry pout, his lower lip pushing out. Jeff rubbed his back slowly trying to comfort him. 'Harry you are not done with One Direction yet. Besides like I already told you, Modest will no way in hell release you from your contract.' Harry met Jeff's gaze.

 

'What if your dad signs me up? He could be my new manager. Jeff your dad likes me.' Jeff smiled. He knew Harry was desperate and he wasn't going to let him make this mistake and ruin his future. Yes, Harry had great potential for a solo career and when the time came and he launched his solo career, he had no doubt that he would be a success but its surely wasn't now. It wasn't the time.

 

'Harry there are a lot of legal matters to go through and you are bound to Modest and as much as my father loves you and as powerful as he is in the music industry, I don't think he's up for a lawsuit from these assholes. Their contract is ironclad Harry. You know that he looked at it already. Besides, there's only a few months left and you know my father is interested in maybe managing One Direction in the future when you are free from your management. For the time being, you need to be strong and hold on a little longer Harry.' Harry's shoulders slumped further and Jeff hated himself for not being able to rescue him. Xander rubbed his back.

 

'There is no strength left in me Jeff. He took it all. Its killing me to be here. With him. They have to let me go. They made him do this. It's all their fault. If they hadn't put too much pressure on Louis he wouldn't have had to do this....' Jeff took in a deep breath and wrapped his arm around Harry's shoulder pulling him closer to him.

 

'Harry there is no way of knowing if they really made him do this. Louis....has always been a little confused about himself. You might be telling yourself that to relieve Louis of the blame of his actions. If someone wants to be with someone, and excuse the pun here, not even the Gods above can separate them. If Louis wanted to be with you, he would've kept on fighting them for you, for your love. He's done that before but he gave up Harry. First step into healing is that you might want to begin to accept the fact that Louis really wanted this. That he wanted to end it with you. You keep making excuses for him Harry. You've done that for too long now.' Harry sat down heavily next to Ed who was sitting on the piano bench. He ran a hand through his hair and looked up at Jeff who was leaning on his elbow on the piano.

 

'I am not making excuses for him Jeff. You don't know him.' Ed turned in the seat to look at Harry.

 

'Harry I know it's hard but you need to start letting go. Face the fact that Louis wanted to move on and you can't just keep holding on. You have a fantastic career, you have a fan base that would kill for you guys, whatever you want they will make come true for you. You are an awesome guy Harry with a kind hard and an incredible pure and innocent soul. Don't let this broken heart change you. It happens unfortunately that at times we get our hearts broken by those we love the most but don't let this situation change you. Don't let it make you angry and bitter. Louis doesn't even know what he's lost and trust me Harry you will find love again. Feel the hurt now and then pack it away. Don't let it define you. Don't let this experience harden that beautiful heart of yours.' Harry just looked at the wooden floor beneath his feet. He didn't dare say anything. He was sure he was going to cry. Jeff saw this and he moved closer to him.

 

'Hey people are unpredictable. Some come into our lives and stay, others leave. Louis was just not meant for you. Now you need to learn from this and let it make you stronger. Thinking of him will always hurt you because he was your big love but there are people out there who can love you better and treat you how you deserve to be treated, like Xander her.' Jeff smiled at Xander. He knew Xander liked Harry a little bit more than just a friends. 'Harry, Louis never appreciated you. People come into our lives with their own agenda and sometimes we only play a part in their lives. Then that's it. And I will not let you make the mistake of leaving One Direction when you are not ready for it. I will help you in any way possible and be there for you Harry but you need to think about this. Seriously. I promise that when it's time for your solo career, I'll be behind you one hundred percent, maybe even be your manager what do you say huh?' Harry smiled a little at that. 'Now, how about you let he hear that song you wrote hmm? It's what you dragged me down here for no?' Jeff told him play full. Harry smiled and he handed a folded piece of paper to Ed. Ed opened it and found the music to the song Harry had written. Jeff resumed his place leaning on the piano as Ed began stroking the black and white keys, soft music filling the room, then Harry's voice:

 

You'd rather leave me broken  
Than whole with an empty heart,  
We were better left unspoken  
Than a million miles apart  
It's torture here in this space between,  
As you are loving and leaving me.

You say there's nothing left to fight for  
Cause this feels like too much  
Your heart is too afraid to want more  
Of the pain you're left to touch  
You only win if you don't give up  
Cause love is war and war is love.

Tryna give up on perfect  
In your battle of one oh, oh  
Trying to believe you're worth it oh  
When every piece of you wants to run  
So now that you're caught in this space between  
And you're the only enemy.

You say there's nothing left to fight for  
Cause this feels like too much  
Your heart is too afraid to want more  
Of the pain you're left to touch  
You only win if you don't give up  
Cause love is war and war is love.

You say there's nothing left to fight for  
Cause this feels like too much  
Your heart is too afraid to want more  
Of the pain you're left to touch  
You only win if don't give up  
When everything won't be enough  
Cause love is war and war is love.

 

The room went silent. Harry kept his gaze on the silent piano keys.

 

'Wow!' Ed exhaled softly. 'That was something.' Jeff stood straight.

 

'That was amazing Harry. You.....' he paused and ran a hand over his short hair. 'You wrote it for him didn't you?' he asked him softly. Harry raised his head and looked at Jeff.

 

'He's the love of my life,' he said sadly. 'And he will always be no matter what.'

 

Outside the piano room, Louis stared into nothing. He had heard everything single word that had been said in that room. And everything was sinking into his skin like hot nails. He turned and hurried away, his heart beating fast in his chest. He couldn't allow himself to feel. He couldn't let Harry make him feel. Damn you Harry. He looked at his phone and checked that the song Harry had just sung in there had been recorded saved. He would listen to it again later, when he was alone and in private.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone. It's the weekend and time to update. I am sorry that I leave it till the weekend to update but I'm very very busy with writing. I am sorry that some of you go to Wattpad to continue to read but PLEASE DON'T! I am changing things in the story and adding to it so please if you can be a little patient with me I would be very grateful. I feel that some things are missing from the version on Wattpad so I'm adding to it here. Thank you for reading my humble fic. All the love, M

Louis' POV

 

I can't understand what the fuck is going on anymore. How did things end up like this? It wasn't supposed to be like this. I know I am to blame for all of this shit that's going on but I didn't mean for it to get so out of hand. Harry wants to leave? What the fuck? He can't leave. He just can't! Right? His contract binds him so he can't fucking leave! That fucking Jeff I swear to God if he even tries to get him to leave I will lose my shit. What am I even saying? I'm not making any sense. Of course he will want to try and help him leave! And he had the fucking nerve and audacity to bring that prick Xander with him! Harry thinks I don't know that Xander likes him and not just in a friendly way. But Harry is too naive to see. He thinks all people have good intentions and a heart like his but I bet my ass that Jeff will help him leave and he will also fix him up with Xander, and Harry, being the little innocent Bambi that he is will look at him like some sort of savior and matchmaker and will feel like he's in debt to him for the rest of his fucking life. I swear that boy is too good and innocent for this world and one day his innocence will get him into trouble. Not everyone has their best intentions when its regarding him.

 

I tried to tell Harry a while ago when we went to L.A to meet up with Jeff that he has ulterior motives when it comes to him and Xander but Harry always shrugged it off and tells me that Xander is just a good friend and that I'm being jealous as always. Yeah a good friend who wants to bed him! I've seen the way Xander looks at him almost foaming and salivating at the mouth! I can't stand him! He is right on the jealousy though! Xander always has that lusty look when he looks at Harry that makes me want to smack him across the mouth. For fuck's sake we were still together and he'd do that right in front of me. He'd touch him on the arm or on his back in a seductive way and Harry wouldn't even notice while I just wanted to break the asshole's arm off! He has no respect what so ever! But Harry is no longer mine now and I guess Xander will try with him now that I'm out of the picture. Bet he thanked his fucking lucky stars and Jeff wasted no time in calling him. Maybe Harry could be happy with Xander? Maybe Xander can treat him better than I have treated him?

 

I have been listening to his song for ages. Actually these earbuds are starting to hurt my ears now but I can't stop listening to it. Its a beautiful song and his voice? I won't even get started on his deep husky voice. He will make it as a solo artist! He will make it big! Harry has what it takes to be a solo artist. I have his bloody song on replay and its been playing for the last hour since I've been sitting here at the back of the venue of our concert tonight. I still don't feel too well or ready to perform tonight and the joint I just smoked isn't helping but I don't care. I fucked up big time. Everything seems to be falling apart. My mates have all been sent home so I have no one to hang out with except Zayn. And El. Okay, maybe not El. But Zayn I can hang out with as soon as Perrie leaves. When she's around, its just her he hangs out with. Her and Liam and Sophia. I don't know what's their deal! The four of them just hang out together all the damn time. They even go out on double dates like what the fuck seriously? Is that still a thing?

 

God, I need a drink. or two. Or ten! Listening to the words he wrote....for me....and turned it into a song, I realize now how much he loves me. He told Jeff I'm the love of his fucking life. In your fucking face Xander! I can't even begin to say how hearing him say I'm the love of my life after I totally destroyed him makes me feel. Nobody understands why I did what I did. Nobody knows! It was supposed to be for the better and look what happened. I made Harry want to leave. The girls would be devastated if he leaves. They love him so much. They love all of us a lot but they love Harry so much......Harry is different. Harry is their baby! I think its his way of being with them. He's got this thing that he knows how to make them feel important and that they matter in the short time he meets them. During shows, he interacts with them and is very playful with them. He loves to make them laugh. Not that me and the other lads aren't like that, but he has something in him that just draws them in. Maybe its his cuteness or the fact that he's so kind and respectful. Not to mention the kinds of hugs he gives them! Harry doesn't just hug you! He wraps himself around you and he makes you feel safe and appreciated and he never ever lets go first. He gives you time to hug him, to hold him. I should know shouldn't I? I've had so many of those hugs. He hugs so good that when you pull back, you instant feel bereft. I loved to stay in his arms. His arms used to be my favorite place to be.

 

Ugh I am going to drive myself crazy if I don't stop thinking along these lines. I don't know why Cal even told Harry about the shit I take. He wasn't supposed to tell anyone especially not Harry. Well I did tell Zayn but Zayn is different and I've known how to control it and hide it from everyone even Harry. I don't know what happened last time, why it worked so wrong on me. I wish Cal was here as I really could do with something to lift me up right now. I'm not even sure what the fuck I'm feeling. Its like I have a tornado of emotions inside of me that are threatening to tear me apart. And I can blame nobody but myself. Even the girls on Twitter are blaming me and they don't have the faintest idea just what the fuck I've done. They have no idea how I destroyed Harry single handedly and how I'm about to fuck up One Direction if he leaves. I don't know how they notice things but I guess they see Harry and I not interacting. I know I get the blame when "Larry" are not interacting and even though its sad, it makes me smile because really, who would blame Harry of ever doing anything wrong or hurting somebody? In all honesty they are not wrong. They know I'm the fuck up. They know everything. Not to mention the pictures they've been seeing of El and me. I'm causing so much shit! Those who support Eleanor and me and those who support Larry are having Twitter fights between them. Like what the fuck? I've got called so many names in the past few days and I have made hash tags almost daily. Well, Harry has had hash tags too but its all to support him. Some say Eleanor and I are a fake and that the beard is back up. Some say Larry was never real and fake as fuck! Some get it right and say that we are no longer together because we don't interact and don't look at each other when we sing. We've been so fucking obvious haven't we? I am even making our fandom fight, not to mention the immense hate El is getting all because of me. I'm such a fuck up! I don't know what they'll do when they hear that Harry is leaving. They will blame me and hate me and they will be right. Like always.

 

I know Liam and Niall take Harry's side too though Liam tries to stay neutral. He doesn't really like to take sides but I know he doesn't want me hurting Harry anymore. He made that quite clear. And Liam is clever. He smells things. I feel like we are drifting apart as a band. We're not close as we used to. I mean Harry and I, our relationship has cause a lot of stress on the other boys too. They tried to hide us from management and put up with all the Larry Stylinson drama. They put up with our fights, with Harry's tears that I have caused so many times. They put up with my tantrums. I feel that we have taken from them. I feel like we left them no choice but to deal with Larry. And now I'm close to breaking up One Direction with my actions because Harry wants to leave because of the amount of pain I inflicted on him. I'm pretty sure that if Harry leaves, it will be over for us and looking back, who's fault would that be? I'm drowning under all this fault and blame and guilt yet I can't ask anyone for help or advice or anything. I can't even tell Harry not to leave when I'm the fucking reason he wants to leave because he can't stand being in my presence anymore because I fucking ruined him. He doesn't deserve all this shit but there is no way for me to make this right. I so wish my mum was here right now. She would understand me. At least I hope she would. But I think she would blame me too, for leaving Harry and for making him want to leave.

 

I turn my head as I hear a door opening behind me and I see Zayn walking towards me. Zayn is the only one I have left. He never judges me and tries to take my side most of the time. I pull out my earbuds.

 

'Hey,' he tells me. He looks sad and troubled but Zayn never talks about his shit. He drowns them out in alcohol and weed.

 

'Hey yourself,' I tell him. He sits besides me on the iron stairs that lead up to the roof of this small building behind the venue.

 

'Big ass stadium for tonight huh?' he asks me. I smile. Zayn always treads carefully with me. He never jumps into what he actually wants to say and I like that. I nod. 'Lou are you stoned?' he asks me softly. I keep staring out at the half full parking lot and I laugh at the irony. I see the parking lot as half full and not half empty. It should say something that through my confused and fuddled shit of a brain, I can still see the positive side of things even though there is hardly anything positive in my life at the moment. Still, that should count for something shouldn't it?

 

'Just a bit,' I tell him. I hear him puff out a breath.

 

'Louis what's going on?' he asks me and I wish I could tell him everything. I wish I could let the dam break and tell him everything. But he's the last person I can tell my shit to. I smile a little, loving how the weed is making me relaxed.

 

'Nothing much Zayn. Same old shit just on a different day.' I like that line from our song. Management never let us use the word shit though! I mean what's so bad about using the word shit? They said our fans are too young for that kind of language and I nearly laughed my ass off at that. They obviously haven't read the smut our "young fans" write about Harry and me. The first time Harry and I read one, we felt as if we were reading porn and it made us so fucking horny. I fucked him to a fucking fan fic written by a fan! That's how good our fans are Mr. Management! The things our girls come up with! Clever bunch they are with dirty minds!

 

'Lou?' I heard Zayn calling me. I easily get lost inside my head these days. Its dark in here but I like it. It's quiet sometimes. When I'm stoned especially. The voices shut the fuck up and the blame and guilt are drowned out. I turn my head slowly and look at him with hooded eyes.

 

'I'm fine Zayn. I'm just a little bit tired. You know how touring is.' He raises his eyebrow at me and I know the fucker doesn't believe a word I say. Zayn has always been the one, besides Harry that is, who could really come close to seeing what I always try to hide. He is very perceptive, but nobody ever came as close or will ever come close as Harry has. Harry just knew me inside out. Literally! He knew my moods. He knew when I needed him and when I needed space. He knew what I needed before I even had to ask for it. Not now though. Now he knows nothing!

 

'Lou you're spaced out what the fuck? We go on stage in six hours man. Come on let's get you straightened out.' I look at him and I can feel the fucking tears well up in my eyes because I want to tell him. I need someone to talk to but I can't. No one will understand. I feel my cheeks getting wet and I hate myself for crying in front of Zayn. I feel his hand on my shoulder and its comforting. I lean into his touch.

 

'Why did you leave him Lou if its destroying you? You've been with him for five whole years and you leave him? Why?' I sigh heavily. I know he thinks there's more behind this. I know he's hoping for some in depth explanation as to why I did what I did, but there is none I can give him. I wipe my betraying tears away from my face.

 

'I had to Zayn,' I tell him quietly as I choke up.

 

'Had to or where made to?' Here we go again with the same fucking conspiracy theory.

 

'Had to,' I reply quietly. Zayn sighs heavily.

 

'Louis, if you left him because you were afraid of what people say about you then you are a fucking idiot. What you and Harry had, most people will never find in a lifetime. If you left him because of your reputation, they you are an even bigger fucking idiot. Who really cares about what people think or what they label you as as long as you're happy and in love? You broke him, you know that right? I am not going to sugar coat it for you Louis cos you need to hear this and I love you man, I really do but I have to give it to you as it is. You fucking broke Harry in a way that I doubt he'll ever recover from. He loves you too much man. That boy adores you and worships the fucking ground you walk on and you do this to him?' I feel my insides tremble and more stupid tears fall from my eyes. Shut the fuck up Zayn!

 

'He'll get over me,' I whisper. I hear Zayn laugh. What I said sounds ridiculous even to me and I'm stoned! Who the fuck am I kidding here?

 

'He'll never get over you Louis and you know that,' he tells me. 'Stop lying to yourself and to me!' Yes I know that! I know that well enough thank you Zayn for the fucking clarification! But things are what they are and I can't change anything. I am with Eleanor now and Harry is......what is Harry? I feel my mind drifting back to happy days in the beginning. It was love at first sight for me. The feeling I had when I saw the curly green eyed boy at the X Factor auditions was unlike I ever felt before. It was confusing to me but it was also beautiful and perfect. I smile as I remember. Those where the days. When the fuck did it get so complicated? When did everything go wrong? Or more so when did I make it so complicated and fuck everything up? At which point along the five years did I start building this big ass giant fuck up? I feel Zayn squeeze my shoulder.

 

'You can make it right you know. Harry will forgive you....'

 

'I can't Zayn,' I tell him, cutting him off. My voice sounds weird to me. Maybe because I'm all choked up and if Zayn continues with this shit talk, I'm going to have an emotional melt down right here on these steps at the back of the big ass stadium we have to perform in in less that six hours.

 

'But why? What's stopping you?' he presses. Persistent little shit! Why won't he just stop it with the 101 already? I take out my packet of cigarettes and light up one. He takes my packet and helps himself to a fag. Honestly you wouldn't believe that this guy sitting right here next to me is a bloody multimillionaire. He's always nicking my smokes! Always. I mean geez its not like he can't afford a packet! I know he's waiting for me to answer. I can feel his damn eyes burning holes in the side of my face. I inhale on my cigarette, puff out a cloud of white smoke and turn to look at him.

 

'Nothing is stopping me Zayn,' I tell him and I try to make my voice sound harsh but I sound squeaky somehow. 'I just don't want to okay.' I hear him scoff and he's annoying me because I know he's not believing me. Besides, Harry has Xander now. My stomach twists uncomfortably at the thought of that prick laying his fucking hands on Harry.

 

'Okay,' he tells me and I'm surprised that he actually stops pressing me. He gave up? Of course he gives up! Who wouldn't give up on me? I don't know why the fans even like me and say I'm that their idol. What the fuck? Pfff yeah a junkie stoned alcoholic idol. Some role model I am! Harry is their role model. He's all that's good and kind and innocent and perfect and I fucking broke him. Me. Single handedly. I feel Zayn lean against me.

 

'Your really need to get straightened out for tonight Lou. You can't fucking go out there stoned immaculate. You are not fucking Jim Morrison.' Zayn laughs and I find my self laughing too. Zayn is my safe haven at the moment. He's the one I know I can truly rely on. He is what can hold me together before I fall apart and everything that's inside me pours out onto the floor. And Zayn has no idea how much I need him.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I wasn't going to update again today but here I am. I was listening to I Always Wanna Die (Sometimes) by the 1975 and it got me emotional so I wanted another emotional chapter. Also.....also.....thank MarjanSki247 for this chapter because I am updating another one because of her. man she is a right sweetheart and tweets me these cute and adorable tweets and she gets very excited for every chapter and SHE ACTUALLY LISTENED TO ME WHEN I TOLD HER "STAY OFF WATTPAD!" So sweetheart, this is for you. I hope you enjoy it. All the love, M.

If one heart fits in another like a puzzle piece,  
Maybe you could be the missing half of me

Harry's POV

 

I can hear them screaming. My girls! First sold out concert in Melbourne. I am nervous and excited. People would think you would get used to this, performing every night, like it becomes just another day on the job but that's not the case. Every concert is different. Every crowd is different. I see their faces. Their eyes. The adoration and love and I hope they know I feel the same for them. I adore them and love them. If I could, I'd hug each and every one of them because if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't have any of this. We as a band would have none of this! It's all them!

 

Their screams are impatient. I wonder if they will be okay when I leave? I wish I could tell them, say how sorry I am that I have to leave. They already know something is wrong. I've been on Twitter and I've read most of their tweets. I've seen the hashtags and I don't like that they are hating on Lou. I seriously don't know how they pick up on things but they are always right. Almost. I have been so tempted to do a fake account under a fake name just to tweet something to them but what can I tweet without giving away too much information? Rumors are like a disease, they spread and eat away at all that's good. They will wonder who I am and how I know so much. They will follow me and hound me with questions and ask for proofs. I know how they function. No, bad idea.

 

The music is starting up. Soon it's time. Five minutes maybe. The boys are behind me, chatting and all excited. I am trying to block out his voice. I need to collect myself so I can perform for them. I can't have him emotionally bruising me when I need my emotions in tact right now. I need to forget everything, put my pain away and just concentrate on the girls. It's them that matter for the next two hours. After that I can go and emotionally break down in my suite. But not a moment before. Well if my sister lets me that is. I was surprised when she called me yesterday and told me she will be here today. Unfortunately she will miss tonight's concert but she should be at the hotel once I'm done here. In all honesty, I could use her right now. I need a distraction and I've missed my sister.

 

The intro to 'Clouds' begins and out we go. I will avoid him at all costs tonight. I will not look at him or go near him. I will keep my eyes to the front, on the girls. First thing I see as I step out there? A huge sign in bright rainbow colors right in front of me that says 'Louis its okay if he makes you Strong.' He's not going to like that! He's not gay guys! Give it up. He left me. We are not together anymore!

 

I walk to the other side of the catwalk and look into their faces. Please forgive me when I leave, I tell those adoring eyes. It's not my intention to hurt you but I have to go before I lose my mind. Another sign catches my eye. 'Larry Fight For Your Right To Love.' Too late sweetheart. Nothing left to fight for.

 

I feel the adrenaline pump through me as we go through one song after the other. I try to avoid reading signs that have to do with me and Louis and there are many. All our Larries! Other fans ridicule them and fight them telling them that Larry is not real but our Larries are strong and determined to fight for us. That's why they suspect that something is wrong. I take a drink of water as Zayn walks down the cat walk to introduce our next song. 'Little Thing.' I sit down and I know he's going to sit behind me. It's all too familiar. It all hits home. As the first notes start and Zayn sings, I feel my heart squeeze in my chest and my throat closes. I can't allow this. I will not be able to sing if I let myself get all choked up. Liam is next. I take deep breaths to calm myself down and smile and wave to the girls who are waving at me. Then I hear his voice singing the part which he told Ed to write...about me!

 

You can't go to bed

Without a cup of tea

And maybe that's the reason

That you talk in your sleepy

All all those conversations

Are the secrets that I keep

Though it makes no sense to me

 

As soon as he finishes, its my turn and I just barely manage to gather my messed up self and sing my solo without sounding off key. Not that the girls would mind. The effect he has on me is scary. I can only manage to avoid him so much. At times like these, not so much. Not when every lyric, every note reminds me of him.

 

The show continues and I go from one song into the next like I'm on autopilot. But I give my best for the girls and if this is my best, then this is all I got. Considering I'm all broken and there's nothing left of me, I'm not doing too bad. Only three songs to go. We go inside for three minutes. The venue goes dark while the band keeps playing. I am handed a towel and I wipe my face. I take another drink of water and get ready for the next song: 'You and I.' This is the hardest song for me to sing. I chance a look at him as he runs off for a wee. I swear the bladder on that boy is that of a three year old. He's always been like that though. I take another drink and ready myself. I can do this. The notes of 'You and I' start up and my broken heart beats relentlessly against my chest. Even though it's shattered, it still does the funny whenever I think of him. I wait for my cue. Niall goes first. Liam and Zayn. As I'm about to walk out, he appears beside me and he walks with me back into the venue. As we are about to go onstage, he steps aside and lets me go first. He always does that. I guess some things take longer than others to die.

 

I go to my microphone stand and he goes to his which is next to mine. No, I will not look at him. I will not acknowledge his presence next to me. I prepare myself for the chorus. I can feel him looking at me from beneath his lowered lashes because he knows I always always sing this for him like he always sings his verse just for me. I take a deep breath:

 

You & I  
We don't want to be like them  
We can make it till the end  
Nothing can come between  
You & I  
Not even the gods above  
Could separate the two of us  
No nothing can come between  
You & I  
Oohh You & I

 

I look out on the crowd as Zayn sings his part and my mind just drifts. I thought we could make it till the end. I honestly did. I honestly thought nothing could come between the two of us and nobody did but Louis himself. Louis separated us. I feel him looking at me again but I turn sideways giving him my back. I can't look at him. If I do, these people here will see me crumble. I'm on my last bit of strength. Then I hear his voice.....

 

I see what it's like  
I see what it's like for day and night  
Never together  
Cause they see things in a different light  
Like us  
They never tried like us

 

I launch into the chorus again hoping my voice doesn't sound too strained from the knot that's lodged in my throat. I know I have tears in my eyes because the venue suddenly looks blurry. I can't cry out here but his voice...it's beautiful and those words, they mean so much. You don't see what its like Louis because you're the one who saw things in a different light! We finish 'You and I' and I quickly move away from him as far as the stage allows me. Just two more songs to go. I can do this!

 

As we launch into the final song, 'Best Song Ever', I start seeing the girls getting even more excited. They know we will be leaving them soon and I hate to leave them. I hate saying goodbye to them night after night. I walk up and down the catwalk trying to wave to as much of them as I can. I blow them kisses and tell them how much I love them and thank them so much and I hope they know I mean it. I try to show them as much as I can that I'm true and real to them.

 

Finally the lights go out and we are backstage. I can still hear them screaming for us. I stop to catch my breath and let the others go ahead of me. I feel like being alone tonight, well alone until Gemma arrives. I hope she will want to stay in. I feel like showering, crawling into bed and getting room service.

 

'Harry,' I hear my name being called and her voice makes me cringe. It grates on my like nails scratching on a blackboard. I look up and see Eleanor standing before me, her arms folded on her chest and that fake innocent smile on her face. I look at her but say nothing. 'Can I have a word?' she asks me. Well, you are going to have it whether I want to or not. It's not like I have any say in anything lately. That's what I want to throw at her but I stay silent. She walks towards me, he heels clicking on the cement floor drumming into my brain like hot nails. Get away from me! She stops just inches away from me.

 

'Don't ever pull a stunt again like you did yesterday by taking Louis into your room again. Louis is with me now so you better get used to it.' I look at her and really want to scream into her face and tell her to go fuck herself but she will probably tell Louis and I can't have that. It would upset him and he would be mad at me. Stunt? You're the only fucking stunt round here woman! I swallow thickly.

 

'Eleanor you don't need to act. There's no one around. We all know you are just a pay cheque.' She looks at me then starts to giggle. An annoying girly giggle that is grating on my nerves. It takes a lot for me to lose my patience but I'm on my last nerve and the urge to scream in her face is getting more and more tempting.

 

'Oh Harry. Sweet innocent naive Harry. I guess Louis forgot to tell you. I am no longer on Modest's payroll. I am really his girlfriend this time and he wants to make it work so you better stay away from him. He's mine now. Your time with him is up and I am no longer here to cover Larry fucking Stylinson. Louis wants to be in a real hetero relationship so don't go getting any ideas in your head of trying to win him back because this time, I will fight you for him and I will win. He's done with you and this time its me he wants and by God I will fight you for him and I will win Harry because he really wants me so stay the fuck away from my boyfriend.' I stare at her taking in what she just said. I can't find anything to say to her. Just then Louis comes up behind her, throwing a brief look my way, wraps his arm around her waist and smiles at her as he asks her if she's ready to go. She smiles at him and together they walk away leaving me looking at them, shocked and floored. She looks back at me over her shoulder with that satisfying smirk on her face as she wraps her arm around my love's waist.

 

So she's not being paid anymore? She's with him for free? For real? Louis is real about being with her? So their relationship is real? I'm feeling confused! I had a tiny hope in me, a very tiny hope in me that Louis might change his mind, that it was all an act, that Eleanor was.....I have been so wrong to hope, to keep that tiny glimmer of hope of him coming back to me alive. Nine days its been. I thought it couldn't, wouldn't get worse but its seems that it can and it will.

 

I make my way out of the venue and find Niall and Liam waiting for me. I don't feel like talking to them. All I want to do is to get to the hotel, go to my suite and crash. Gemma! I need to be strong a little longer. We get in the van and we are driven back to the hotel. The lads don't talk to me and for that I'm grateful. Liam and Niall know when to talk to me and when not to. I guess my face right now tells them not to talk to me.

 

As soon as we arrive, I go straight to my suite, close the door and sigh with relief. I welcome the silence. The solitude. I refuse to think about Louis being with Eleanor for real but my mind just takes me there and I feel jealous that she gets to have that wonderful angel. He was mine. Mine. He loved me! Me! He fucking loved me! How can he love her in just nine days? We've had five years! He loved me first! I was his first love. Not her! How can he? I walk into the bathroom and peel off my jeans that are stuck to me like a second skin and pull of my tee shirt. I turn on the shower and as soon as its warm enough, I get in and let the hot water run down my head, my body, over my tensed muscles and aching chest. They say when it gets bad, go into the shower! A hot shower always works wonders but lately they have been doing no wonders for me. I want to cry but I can't. But I need a release because my heart hurts a lot and I need to ease this pressure I feel in my chest. Still....the tears don't come.

 

I turn the shower off, grab a towel and I dry myself off then I towel dry my hair, leaving it down. I walk naked into my bedroom, pull on a pair of boxers and look at my clothes. I decide on a pair of black joggers and my white KISS tee shirt. I pad barefooted to the little kitchen in the suite and make myself tea. I always need tea after two hours of straining my voice. As I wait for the electric kettle to boil, I open up my Twitter on my phone. I need to tweet a thank you to Melbourne for having us and for being such a great crowd. I compose the tweet and send it. I know I will be hit with thousands of retweets in minuets. It's what they do and I can't help but smile at the thought of them getting all excited over my dumb tweet. I scroll through my feed and take a look at what the fans have posted so far. As I imagined, a lot of tweets are about something "being up with Larry" and "why there is no interaction between Louis and Harry." Some posted a lot of pictures of us. I look okay. I look happy. I have done my job well. I see pictures of Louis and he doesn't look too happy. He's serious. Why?

 

I scroll down to find videos. I know I am acting like a teenage girl with a crush but I need to see if he even looked at me or acknowledged I was there even. The girls catch everything on their phones and soon enough I find two short videos during 'Little Things' and 'You and I' and yes, he had been looking at me. My heart hurts but it beats faster. He had been looking at me! I miss him. miss him so much. I miss everything about what we had. He has left such a huge void inside me. The kettle is done and as I pour my tea, I hear a knock on the door. I walk over and open the door. And I see my sister. She looks at me with those big eyes of hers full of sympathy and I feel myself weaken.

 

'Harry,' she whispers as I move aside for her to walk in. As soon as she does, I close the door behind her. She turns to me and next thing I know, she's on tip toes hugging me to her. 'Oh Harry,' she whispers again. I can't even say her name. I can't say anything because there's lump in my throat lodged there very tightly and its choking me. She pulls away from me and looks into my face.

 

'How are you?' she asks me. She knows Louis and I are not together anymore. I told her briefly about the break up not going into detail about what actually happened. I walk over to the couch and sit down nursing my tea. She sits next to me. I look at her again and I feel my dam breaking. This time the tears come and they just fall freely on my cheeks without even me knowing how and where they came from. Finally my release. 'Oh Harry baby,' she says again as she pulls me to her, my head on her chest and I sob. I can't be strong anymore. Everyone keeps telling me to be strong, that it will pass but it won't pass and I can't be strong anymore. He took everything from me and I can't do this.

 

I cry in my sister's arms while she tries her best to soothe me but I need this. I need to cry it out with someone. For the past nine days all I've done is cry myself to sleep alone. It's so hard and I can't handle it anymore. Seeing my sister, just opened the flood gates. I raise my head from her chest and she hands me a tissue. She strokes my hair back away from my face.

 

'I'm sorry,' I choke out as I blow my nose noisily.

 

'No don't be Harry. I came as soon as I could. I had a lot of work I couldn't get out of right away and I'm sorry I couldn't come sooner.' I smile at her weakly.

 

'It's okay. I'm glad you're here now.' She looks at me, scrutinizing me.

 

'What happened exactly? Why did he......' She stops because I know she can't say the words so she won't upset me further. I shake my head as I wipe my eyes with the tissue ans take a sip of tea.

 

'I don't want to talk about it Gems. He had his reasons,' I tell her. 'Just please don't make me talk about it.' More tears rush out of my eyes at the not so long ago memories. Gemma rubs my back.

 

'Sh sh sh. It's okay. You don't have to talk about it. You haven't been eating or sleeping have you? You lost weight and you look so tired.' I look down, fidgeting with the tissue in my hands. Gemma knows me well. I have never been able to hide anything from her. I shrug.

 

'I haven't been hungry and I....I'm not used to sleeping alone.' She cocks her head to the side.

 

'Aww baby brother what's he done to you?' At her words more tears fall from my eyes.

 

'I'm so tired,' I sob. I look at her with tears in my eyes. 'I just want to go home. To mum's. I don't want to stay here anymore Gem.' I know I sound like a baby but I don;t care. Nobody understands how hard this is, being with him while having a broken heart, seeing him with Eleanor while remembering all the times he and I had together .Gemma wraps her arm around my shoulder and pulls me to her.

 

'If I could, I'd take you away myself right now.' She rubs my arm up and down and its comforting. I am one of those people who loves love. I love to beloved and I love to give love. I love to hug and be hugged, to cuddle and be cuddled. She pulls away slightly from me. 'I am going to call room service and get you something to eat.' I begin to shake my head no but she puts her finger up stopping me. 'Harry just a little soup okay. When you were little and you used to be sick or upset, mum would make you soup, get you into bed and watch a movie with you till you fell asleep and that's what we're going to do alright. Mum taught me well howto take care of you.' She smiles at me and I smile back, remembering those days with my mum. Never in my life have I missed or needed my mum as much as I do now but I'm glad that Gemma is here.

 

Twenty minutes later, I'm sitting in the big bed of my suite, my sister next to me, watching me as I eat the vegetable soup she ordered for me. My stomach hurts. I forgot when was the last time that I had a decent meal. She put pillows behind my back and one under my feet, elevating them off the bed slightly. She's flipping through the channels trying to find a movie and I stop her when I see that 'The Notebook' is about to begin. She scrunches up her nose at me.

 

'Seriously Harry? When did you become such a sap? Oh wait you've always been a sap!' she playfully tells me as she nudges me with her shoulder. I lay back against the pillows, placing the bowl of unfinished soup on the bedside table.

 

'Harry!' she scolds me. I look at her.

 

'I'm full Gem,' I tell her though that's not true. I just don't feel like eating. The hollow feeling inside me is just too big, too void and nothing can fill it.

 

'You hardly touched any of it Harry. I know it's hard but you can't do this to yourself. That asshole....'

 

'Gemma please don't,' I cut her off, my voice choked up as new tears well up in my eyes. I hear her sigh. She moves up resting her back against the headboard of the bed, her feet tucked under her.

 

'Come here walnut,' she tells me and I feel my heart clench at the pet name she used to call me by when I was little. I move closer to her, laying my head in her lap and wrap my arms around her knees. She plays with my hair as we watch 'The Notebook.' I know a love story movie is not what I need right now, but I have watched this movie with Louis a few times. It's one of my favorites. I remember the first time he watched it with me.

 

Flashback :

 

'Harry,' Louis called out, 'what movie do you want to watch?' Harry walked into the living room and he watched Louis bent over the open cabinet under the telly looking at the stack of DVDs. Harry walked over to him, smiling. He reached over and pulled out one.

 

'This one,' he told him smiling, holding the DVD up. Louis straightened and furrowed his eyebrows as he read the title.

 

'The Notebook? What the fuck is that Harold?' Harry smiled at him adoringly. He loved him so much.

 

'Its a love story,' he told him still smiling. Louis rolled his eyes.

 

'What's with you and love stories? Don't you have your own love story that you're living? Isn't yours enough? Must you watch this shit?' he told him playfully. Harry pouted. Louis smiled at him and rolled his eyes again, pulling him closer by the loop of his jeans, giving him a kiss.

 

'Okay you big romantic we'll watch the fucking Notebook since you love it so much. Let's see if it beats our love story,' he told him with much love in his voice. Harry put the DVD in. Louis sat on the couch and Harry lay down, putting his head in Louis' lap. Harry wrapped his arms around Louis' knees and Louis let his fingers run through his hair as the movie began.

 

End of Flashback.

 

 

That memory brings more tears to my eyes and I can't help but sob in my sister's lap. I love him. I miss him so damn much!

 

'Sh sh sh. It will be okay Harry,' my sister soothes me. I know she is trying to comfort me but there is no comfort from losing the love of your life, the person you have loved so much, so deeply and so truly, the person you still love. There was a part in the movie I remember reciting to him and I loved the way his cheeks had turned pink and how he had fondly smiled at me. What was it? Oh yes......

 

I love you. I am who I am because of you. You are every reason and every hope and every dream I've ever had and no matter what happens to us in the future, every day we are together, is the greatest day of my life. I will always be yours.

 

He had kissed me and made love to me after and told me, promised me that our love story would be bigger, stronger and deeper than Allie's and Noah's. The mind doesn't forget easily. Not the important things anyway. He always made fun of me at my love for this movie until he understood the concept of it. The concept? True love is forever and defies all obstacles. True love is never easy but lasts forever and its worth it. I don't know at which point in the movie my eyes closed but before I closed them, I heard Noah tell Allie:

 

It's not gonna be easy. Its gonna be really hard, and we're gonna have to work at this everyday. But I wanna do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, everyday.

 

It's what I wanted too but Louis gave up on me. He gave up on our love story.

 

X

 

Gemma felt Harry's tight grip round her knees loosen. She felt his arms go limp and his breathing became deeper. She sighed in relief when she realized that her brother had fallen asleep. Finally. It pained her to see him cry so much, so broken and hurt. At least while he slept, he could have a break from this heartache. She looked down at him, sleeping like an angel in her lap. She stroked his hair softly. He looked so young, so vulnerable.

 

'My little walnut,' she whispered quietly and felt the tears burn her eyes. She picked up the remote and muted the movie, not wanting to wake him. He needed rest. Gemma was sure that if their mum saw him like this, she would pull him out of this tour, contract or no contract! He was a mess. Gemma couldn't understand why Louis had left him or what had happened to make him leave him. They had been together for five years! Yes Harry had told her sometimes that Louis was a little bit difficult and that he had some personal issues that he was dealing with, but for Louis to leave Harry? That was insane!

 

She knew Harry wasn't going to tell her anything. It wasn't that he didn't talk to her, he usually did but Gemma knew Harry. He wasn't going to say anything regarding Louis. In the past five years whenever they had an argument or a fight and it was Louis' fault, Harry would clam up just so he wouldn't make Louis look bad. If it was something Harry did, he would spill to her and ask her for advice on how to fix the situation.

 

She felt Harry move in her lap. He was restless.

 

'No...no Lou....' he mumbled in his sleep. Gemma gently rubbed his arm.

 

'Shhh,' she soothed him but Harry continued to be restless.

 

'Lou please....' he mumbled again and she saw the tears fall out of his closed eyes. What the fuck did Louis do to him? she wondered. Harry began to whimper. He tightened his grip on Gemma's knees.

 

'Lou don't....don't ...no,' he sobbed. Gemma shook his slowly.

 

'Harry, Harry wake up love, you're only having a dream,' she told him softly. Harry sat up suddenly.

 

'Louis?' he called out, blinking in the darkness. Gemma reached out to him when she saw him disoriented and confused. She hugged him tight to her.

 

'It's okay Harry, it was just a dream,' she soothed him. He began to sob in her neck, his arms tight around her.

 

'I can't do this Gem. I can't,' he cried. Gemma felt her heart go out to her brother. She rubbed his back trying to comfort him the best she could.

 

'It will be okay walnut. I promise. It will get better.' Gemma decided then that she needed answers because there was no way she was going to let Harry suffer like this. And the only person to give her those answers was Louis.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys back with another one. Enjoy. All the love, M.

Gemma left her suite and walked down the corridor towards the elevator,her feet dragging on the carpet. She felt tired. She had stayed up most of the night watching over Harry as he slept restlessly and had nightmare after nightmare, waking up each time in a sweat and screaming out for Louis. She wondered if he had been like this for the past ten days and she felt anger boil in the pit of her stomach at Louis, just imagining her brother going through this, all alone because of him. She needed to see Louis right now and she was hell bent on getting the reason out of him why he had done this to her brother. There had to be an explanation!

 

She pushed the button for the ground floor and waited impatiently for the elevator to open. She felt on edge and worried for Harry. She didn't want to leave him alone.

 

'Gemma!' she heard a voice behind her. She turned and saw Eleanor smiling at her, walking towards her. 'I didn't know you were here. When did you arrive? It is so nice to see you again.' Gemma looked at Eleanor and the anger in her stomach only intensified at the thought of her now being with Louis. Harry had told her that Louis was back with her.

 

'Hello Eleanor,' she told her politely, offering her a stiff smile. 'How are you?' Eleanor smiled broadly at her.

 

'Oh very well thank you. Ever since I got back with Louis, things are just....'

 

'Speaking of Louis,' Gemma cut her off not really in the mood to hear her talk about her relationship with Louis that had crushed her brother. 'Do you know where I can find him? He doesn't know I'm here either and I want to go and say hello instead of him casually finding out I'm here.' Eleanor nodded at her and pointed back down the corridor.

 

'He's back in our suite. Number 215. He's grumpy in the morning so he's taking his time waking up. I am meeting my friends for some shopping. We can wait for you if you want to join us.' Gemma gave her a forced smile even though she felt like she wanted to strangle her. She was in the same suite with him? What the hell was going on here? She never liked Eleanor. She was an opportunist. She made herself this important figure when she was really nothing and then wondered why the fans hated her! She was fake and false and pumped herself up to be this necessary figure in Louis' life and projected herself like he couldn't do without! What she really was, was a nothing and a nobody because you really had to have very low self-esteem to accept being paid to cover up a relationship just because they were closeted.

 

'Thank you Eleanor maybe some other time yeah.' The elevator door dinged open. Eleanor shrugged, flipping her long her over her shoulder.

 

'Sure Gemma. It was lovely to see you and I hope we get to hang out a little bit. See you later then.' Gemma gave her another forced smile as she watched Eleanor step into the elevator and the door close on her. As soon as the elevator began it's descent, Gemma headed towards suite 215. She felt her heart beating really fast in her chest because she already knew what was killing her brother. That bitch was in the same room with his love! Oh Louis had some fucking explaining to do. She stopped in front of the suite and knocked. She only waited a few seconds before the door swung open and she was facing a dishevelled Louis. He greeted her with a big surprised smile.

 

'Gemma,' he exclaimed clearly surprised at seeing her at his door. Louis looked at her and felt his heart pick up speed. Harry's sister. Someone closely tied to Harry was here. 'Come in, please,' he told her as he stepped aside and let her walk in. She walked past him and stepped into the living room of his suite. Louis closed the door and followed her in.

 

'When did you get in? I didn't know you were coming,' he told her. 'Please sit down Gem.' Gemma looked at him hard.

 

'Well maybe if you were still with my brother you would've known I was coming down but it so happens you aren't and I want to know what the fuck happened.' Louis looked at her and ran a hand through his messy hair. Here we go, he thought to himself. He loved Gemma so much. She was like another sister to him. She and Lottie were very close and he hoped to God that this wouldn't fuck up their relationship too.

 

'Gemma please its complicated,' he told her simply.

 

'Uncomplicate it for me then Louis because I need to know why my brother is all fucked up,' she told him in a stern voice. She needed to hear it from him even though she was already putting the pieces together in her head. Louis sighed heavily. He looked distressed Gemma thought. Serve him blood right! She hoped in her heart that he was feeling guilty for what he had done to her brother.

 

'There is no way to uncomplicate this. I already explained to Harry....'

 

'I am not Harry Louis! You will not stand there and tell me how you want to be with her and sent my brother packing after five long years like he was some kind of a phase. How could you do this to him? To him Louis of all fucking people?' Louis could hear her voice breaking. He could understand her worries for Harry. Gemma took in a deep breath and composed herself. 'How could you after all you two have been through? After all of us, your family and mine have been through for your relationship?'

 

Louis felt her words slam into him hard. He could see that Gemma was hurt and he hated himself for hurting her as well. Her eyes were tearing up as she looked at him waiting for explanations which he really couldn't give her. He loved Gemma so much and he knew that Gemma loved him too but her love for Harry was something out of this world. The way she protected him so fiercely and always had him. Her love for Harry was set in iron.

 

'Gemma come on, he was never a phase to me you know that,' Louis told her quietly, his voice low and pleading. Gemma took a step towards him.

 

'Then why the fuck did you leave him Louis?' she asked him through gritted teeth and tears in her eyes. Louis looked at her and huffed. He needed to tell her at least part of the truth. He couldn't explain everything to her. He didn't even know what or how much Harry had told her.

 

'I want to be in a straight relationship,' he told her simply. 'I'm not who I am when I'm with...him. That's not me.' Gemma barked out a sarcastic laugh.

 

'And it took you five long fucking years to figure that out?' she yelled at him. 'What kind of sick joke were you playing Louis? You were with my brother and all the while you wanted her? What the fuck is wrong with you?'

 

'It wasn't like that Gemma,' he told her desperately.

 

'Then what was it like? Explain it to me because Harry won't tell me anything. He only told me that you left him and wanted to be friends! Friends? Are you fucking kidding Louis? He did mention Eleanor but I never thought I would find her here in your suite! Do you even love her?' She pointed to the huge unmade bed. 'Are you sleeping with her too now?' Louis swallowed. He needed to do this even if it meant breaking Gemma along the way too. He couldn't go back! He looked Gemma straight in the eyes.

 

'I have feeling for her yes. I always had but at the time I had more feelings for Harry but yeah I always had....feelings for El.' Gemma ran a hand through her hair and tugged at it from desperation. Louis felt his knees weaken because it was the same thing that Harry always did when he was frustrated.

 

'So you're telling me you had feelings for her all the while you were sleeping with my brother? Because if you are, let me tell you that's plain sick! You loved him Louis. You adored him and you will not fucking stand there and tell me you have feelings for her because I don't fucking believe you,' Gemma threw at him, her voice choked. Louis could see how upset she was getting. Why do I keep fucking breaking people? Why?

 

'Gemma please calm down,' he told her softly, walking towards her with out stretched arms as if he meant to embrace her. Gemma took a few steps back away from him.

 

'Don't you fucking tell me to calm down Louis. I came here last night and found my brother in an utter emotional mess. A fucking mess you made out of him. I kept asking him what happened but he doesn't even want to talk about it with me. He's keeping everything inside of him and it's killing him. I had to hold him while he fucking cried over your sorry ass. I had to hold my brother in my arms while he sobbed his heart out over you. I had to hold him as he restlessly slept and had nightmares about you, waking up screaming for you! He hasn't been eating or sleeping but you wouldn't notice any of that would you because you are happily in love with that piece of opportunistic shit you call girlfriend. She's a fucking walking pay cheque Louis! She is on Modest's payroll, taking money to closet you and my brother and you have the nerve to stand there and tell me you have feelings for her and chose her over my brother?'t believe you! Louis ran a hand through his hair again nervously. Is Harry really that bad? He never imagined he was that bad! Not eating? Not sleeping. Fuck, I've really done a number on him haven't I? He sat down heavily on the couch. What the fuck have I done?

 

'I'm so sorry I hurt you Gemma and I'm sorry Harry is hurting but I....I just couldn't stay with him anymore.' Gemma glared daggers down on him.

 

'Just what are you trying to prove here Louis? Just how straight you are? Is this what it's all about hmm? Proving to the world that you are not gay? So you hook up with your fake girlfriend to prove a point? Because really that's all this is Louis, a big fake ass relationship you have no matter how much you try and convince everyone. I know you! What you had with my brother, that was real! What you have with her is fake as fuck and everyone will see through it! You are fucking lying to yourself! Hasn't he suffered enough what with your fucking stupid management making you hide and stay away from each other in public? Harry told me about the many times you wanted to give up. Do you know how much that hurt him and how fucking terrified he was of losing you? That you would eventually give up on him and the love you had? And that's exactly what you fucking did! You made his worst fear come to life because my brother loves you for real you asshole. He never had a problem with his sexuality unlike you! What's so bad about being Gay Louis? You never realized how it killed Harry each time you told him how you are not gay and how you will never come out, that you labeled your relationship as bullshit for all the world to see. So now you ditched my brother and got with Eleanor hoping the world will see you as straight! Good luck with that Louis!' Gemma felt the tears burn in her eyes but she would not let them fall. Louis looked up at her and he could see how distraught she was and he really hated himself even more now. He was letting everyone down. He was hurting everyone. He was really heading down a destructive path and breaking everyone along the way. Gemma took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. She tried to steady her shaking hands.

 

'You know what upsets me the most Lou?' she asked him, her voice quiet. Louis just shook his head at her because he really couldn't speak from all the emotions inside him that had decided to lodge themselves in his throat. Self hate being the major emotion presiding over all the others. 'What hurts the most is that Harry always put you first. Always. Even before his own family. You always came first for Harry. Your needs came before anyone else's even his own. Why else would he have accepted your fucking constant battle with your sexuality? My brother could careless what the world would think or say about him had there been even the slightest chance of you two coming out. Yes, management forbid it but trust me Lou, he would've gone against God himself for you and you throw it all back into his face by choosing to be with her. I bet management paid her double this time to be with you. She has no shame! I mean who would want to be with a man who his one and only relationship since he was fucking eighteen was with a man? They must have really hit her with a six digit number for her to be sleeping with you.' Louis put his head in his hands. He let her say all she wanted to say. He deserved everything she threw at him. He wasn't even going to tell her that Eleanor wasn't being paid anymore. What was the point? Everyone hated him and he couldn't blame them.

 

'Gemma I had to. There are things that you don't understand okay. This is not just about me and Harry.' Gemma laughed again.

 

'You know what Louis? Fuck you. My brother can do better than you. One day he will find a person who will love him as he deserves and isn't ashamed to be all out with him and not be ashamed of being in love with him. You really don't deserve him at all Louis. And I really hope the world, meaning your fans will buy this horse shit you are trying to feed them about how straight you are. And I really hope your conscience will nag at you for all that you are putting my brother through for your selfish reasons.' Gemma looked at him hoping to get more out of him though what she expected him to say, she didn't know. Louis just looked at her and said nothing. She shook her head at him showing her disappointment and walked out of his suite.

 

Louis fell back against the back of the couch, his head resting against the back of it. He felt bone tired. He was failing everyone: his family, Harry's family, his band mates, everyone. He felt like a failure but this was what he wanted. He did feel guilty for what he was putting Harry through because God knows he didn't deserve it. But unlike Harry, he deserved all that Gemma had thrown at him. All her anger, her accusations, everything. Gemma was right. He was an asshole but he had made a decision and he was going to stick to it. The only thing that was eating him up was Harry. He didn't want him to be in such a mess, he didn't want him to hurt so much but really what had he really expected? Harry had been so in love with him, still was and he was doing the worst to him.

 

He grabbed his phone off the coffee table and scrolled through his contacts till he stopped over Harry's name. His finger hovered over the call button. Louis shook his head! He just wanted to see how he was, he just wanted to talk to him, he just wanted to hear his voice but he knew that as soon as Harry saw the incoming call from him, there would be hope in him right away. That's how Harry was and he couldn't really do that to him. He couldn't give him hope because there was none. Louis looked at Harry's smiling picture on his phone, his eyes crinkled at the sides, dimples dented both his cheeks and bunny teeth out. Was it just ten days ago that he ended this? That he had left him? Why did it feel like a lifetime ago? Why did it feel like the end of the fucking world as he knew it?

 

The phone vibrated in his hand making him jump. He dropped it and it landed with a thud on the carpet. He picked it up and saw that it was a text message from Drew. What the fuck did this prick want now? Louis tapped the message.

 

[From Drew]  
Need to see you urgently in my suite. ASAP. Drew.

 

Louis sighed heavily. He needed to shower and get dressed. That prick will have to wait.

 

X

 

Liam was impatiently pacing in his suite. Niall, Zayn, Perrie and Sophia looked at him as he paced. Sophia got up and walked towards him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him. Zayn eyes her movements.

 

'Liam honey you need to calm down love. He will be here don't worry.' Liam looked into her eyes a flash of annoyance crossing his features.

 

'He was supposed to be here half an hour ago,' he told her.

 

'Traffic?' Niall offered as he munched on his club sandwich. Liam shot him a look but as Niall was about to protest, they heard a knock on the door. Liam's face relaxed and he smiled at all of them as he walked to the door and opened it.

 

'Paul,' he breathed, 'I'm so happy to see you.' Paul walked into the suite and dropped his bag by the door, pulling Liam into a hug.

 

'I missed you Liam,' he told him as he clapped him on the back. Niall and Zayn were the next to jump him, hugging him tightly. Paul laughed as he hugged each one of them.

 

'How are you shits doing?' he asked them playfully.

 

'We missed you buddy,' Niall told him. Paul scoffed.

 

'Yeah the only reason you missed me is cos I let you get away with all your shit. How are the new guards treating you?' The boys looked at one another.

 

'We're sorry you and the others got fired,' Liam told him sincerely. Paul waved a hand in front of him.

 

'It's not your fault. Its none of your faults. Your management are dick heads and I hope to God you guys can get away from them when the time comes. It's for your own good.' Paul stopped and looked around the suite. He saw Sophia and Perrie. 'Hey girls,' he told them as he walked over and hugged them. 'Where are the other two idiots?' Paul asked them. Liam, Zayn and Niall exchanged glances and Paul caught it. His face went serious.

 

'What happened? Where are they?' He sounded worried. Liam stepped closer to Paul.

 

'We have a problem. You might want to sit down.' Paul nodded and they all took a seat on the two couches facing each other. Liam took in a deep breath.

 

'Paul the reason I called we here is that we need your help with Louis and Harry,' Liam explained. Paul looked at him and nodded for him to continue. Liam didn't know how exactly to break the news to Paul. He knew that Paul had a special affinity towards Louis and Harry. 'Louis....Louis left Harry.' He could see the disbelief on Paul's face once the words had left his mouth.

 

'What? No! Louis would never do that!'

 

'Exactly!' Niall jumped in. 'He would never do that but he did! He left him ten days ago.' Paul looked at Niall with wide disbelieving eyes.

 

'What the fuck? They have been apart for ten days? But that's never happened before! They gave me hell to be together and now you tell me that Louis broke it off? Nah! Not possible.' Liam, Zayn and Niall exchanged glances again.

 

'Thats what we said too,' Zayn told him. 'Louis...he's not in a good state. He's drinking too much and he does some other shit.....''

 

'Woah woah let me stop you there for a minute,' Paul interrupted Zayn. 'He's doing what "other shit"? Like what Zayn?' Zayn licked his lips nervously. He didn't want to spill on Louis after he had confided in him but he knew that Louis was hurting because of all this and if there was even the slightest way to help him, he had to. He couldn't leave him to wreck himself and Harry in the process.

 

'He takes stuff to help him Paul. Sometimes when he can't deal with things.....'

 

'Did he do it on my watch too?' Zayn nodded. 'The little shit!' Paul exclaimed.

 

'Anyway,' Liam interrupted, 'we think that Louis was put up to this. We don't believe that he would actually leave Harry even though he's had problems dealing with his sexuality. Having you guys fired hit him hard because they blamed it all on him and Harry, mostly on him though because you know how he is, always wants to get one over them.' Paul rubbed a hand over his face.

 

'How is Harry?' he asked quietly. Niall scoffed.

 

'How do you think he is? He's a ruined mess. He looks like shit. But I have to give it to him, he does his job to perfection. Nobody would suspect he has a broken heart. The fans have noticed the lack of interaction between him and Louis though. You know how they are. They catch on quick. Still, he does what he has to do but he's taken it really hard. My heart breaks for him.' Paul sighed heavily.

 

'I can imagine. Harry adores Louis and Louis loves him to bits so it doesn't really add up does it? So what do you want me to do?' He looked from one to the other.

 

'We need to know if it was Modest! who put him up to this. It is just so out of Louis to do this.' Paul ran a hand over his face.

 

'I need my job back to do that though and they aren't going to give me my job back. Without my job I don't have access to you guys. Or to them.' Liam, Niall and Zayn look at each other.

 

'We already thought of that Paul,' Liam told him. 'We are going to employ you ourselves. We trust you more than these security we have. You have been with us since the start. You are like a dad to us. Harry needs you and Louis will listen to you.'

 

'Please say you'll accept?' Niall begged him.

 

'If you don't help us man, we're all gonna fall apart,' Zayn added. 'With the way those two are going, they are going to tear this band apart.' Paul looked from one to the other, thinking.

 

'Okay,' he told them. 'I will do it for you guys. I can't let Louis destroy himself, destroy Harry and this band in the process. If he's going down a destructive road, it ends here.' Paul stood up and Niall, Zayn and Liam all jumped on him hugging him.

 

'Its good to have you back Paul,' Niall said.

 

'Its good to be back,' Paul told them, hugging them to him. 'My pain in the ass kids!'


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey lovelies its the weekend which means more Outing Larry updates. Thank you to all of you who love this fic. Have yourselves a happy weekend. Here we go then....... All the love, M.

Louis knocked on Drew's door reluctantly and waited impatiently. He didn't have the time, will or energy for this shit. He couldn't hide the fact that he didn't like this guy. Heck, he didn't like anyone who had anything to do with Modest! All they did was create shit and he didn't have a doubt that something else was coming up since Drew had requested his presence. He was ready for anything from these dicks or so he thought. He always thought that he was ready for anything they came up with, but in reality, he never really was. They always managed to pull the rug out from under his feet.

 

Drew opened the door and peeked out from behind the door at Louis. Louis looked at him blankly and bored.

 

'Well are you going to make me stand out here in the hallway all day long?' Louis asked him sharply. Drew opened the door wider.

 

'I'm sorry. Please come in,' he told him and stepped aside for Louis to walk in. Drew closed the door and walked behind Louis who was already sat on the big white couch of Drew's suite. Drew sat in the armchair opposite him.

 

'So what was so urgent that you had to drag me here at 11 am Drew?' Louis asked him sarcastically. He knew Drew was a newbie. He wasn't yet Modest! material. They hadn't yet had the time to mould him into a Grade A dickhead so Louis was going to take his weakness as an opportunity to dish out his frustrations. Drew swallowed nervously and straightened his tie. Louis wondered who the fuck wears a suit and tie at 11 in the morning! A Modest kiss ass, his subconscious threw at him!

 

'Yes uhm Mr. Tomlinson, there has been an unforseen complication that we feel the need to discuss with you.' Louis internally rolled his eyes. Here we go again with that WE that embodies the whole fucking Modest team! Drew stopped and looked at Louis to gather his reaction. Louis remained staring at him with a blank, uninterested expression so Drew continued. 'Mr.Styles has expressed his desire to us that he wishes to leave One Direction.' Louis looked at Drew with no emotion what so ever.

 

'I know,' he told him, not elaborating on how he knew. Drew shifted nervously in his seat.

 

'Oh you knew.Okay that's good. We can understand each other better then. Anyway, as you know he is bound by contract....'

 

'I know all that shit Drew so save me the lecture. He can't leave, he's bound bla bla fucking bla. Yes I know!' Louis snapped at him. 'What do you want from me? Why am I even here?' Drew gulped.

 

'Yes it is true that he is bound by contract but not impossible for him to leave.' Upon hearing this, Louis sat up straighter in his seat and glared at Drew.

 

'What the fuck did you just say? Are you telling me that he can leave? I thought you assholes had us in a tight iron fist. Now you're saying that he can fucking leave?' Drew licked his lips nervously.

 

'If Mr. Styles has the right team of lawyers, he might get out of the contract though it will be a difficult and hard legal matter and it might last a while until he is fully released from the contract but yes there is a small possibility that he can leave. I am only at liberty to inform you of this and you cannot inform the others regarding this matter. If Mr.Styles leaves, we at Modest will have no other option but to end One Direction.....'

 

'What?' Louis yelled. 'What the fuck are you even on about mate?' Drew took in a deep breath, composing himself.

 

'Mr.Tomlinson, let us make this clear. Mr. Styles is the heart of this band. He is what keeps it together. He leaves you all fall apart.'

 

'That's fucking bullshit,' Louis roared. 'We all give to this band. Each of us in an important asset to One Direction.' He could see that Drew was actually well trained now. He could make out the familiar Modest! employees smirk on his face. Was it some kind of fucking trademark? Typical Modest shit was starting to come out of his mouth. Oh he had been already moulded into a dickhead!

 

'Mr.Tomlinson, without Mr. Styles, One Direction will be nothing. We all know that Mr. Styles' voice and looks and charisma attracts the fans. Yes you all attribute to the band in one way or another and you're all someone's favorite but Mr. Styles is the heart of it. Which is why I will now come to the reason I have called you here. The reason I called you here Mr.Tomlinson is that you are going to change Mr. Styles' mind about wanting to leave the band and make him stay.' Louis stood up off the couch as if he had just been electrocuted and glared hard at Drew.

 

'Are you fucking insane? I am the reason he wants to leave in the first place. If it wasn't for me he wouldn't want to leave.' Drew leaned back in his chair, folding his hands neatly in his lap.

 

'Would you rather leave then?' Drew asked him coldly. Louis furrowed his brows in confusion.

 

'What?' Louis asked, momentarily stunned by Drew's question. Drew smiled at him.

 

'Mr.Tomlinson, don't think that we haven't noticed your drinking and drug abuse. It would be quite easy for us to terminate your contract seeing you are breaking a clause or two but we don't want to rock the boat right in the middle of a world tour so we are closing an eye to your addictions. There is much more for us to gain by keeping you here then by ending your contract. Ending your contract would entitle a lot of paperwork and a lot of explaining to do to other parties involved in the business and we really don't have all the time for that and causing all this hassle will not benefit well for us since we have it in mind to offer Mr. Styles a solo artist contract once One Direction's contract with us is over. We mean to keep HIM! Just him! We are also aware Mr. Tomlinson that you have made his life a living hell so much so that he wants to leave but now you are going to fix it Mr. Tomlinson like the good little boy that you are because we cannot and will not lose Mr. Styles because of you so you are going to change Mr. Styles mind and make want to stay. Make him happy again.' Drew gave him a big, fake smile, showing off all his white even teeth. Louis ran a hand through his hair.

 

'Are you crazy? How the fuck am I supposed to make him stay? I broke him in a horrible way. I hurt him and his family and now you want me to make him stay? He won't even look at me or talk to me......'

 

'That is not our problem Mr. Tomlinson,' Drew told him calmly but in a stern voice. 'How you do it is entirely up to you. Whatever way you choose works for us as long as Mr. Styles stays put.' Louis shook his head in frustration.

 

'Now its not your fucking problem you say? Are you fucking kidding me? You can't ask me to make him stay after....' Drew raised his palm.

 

'I will stop you right there Mr. Tomlinson. You will do exactly what is requested of you. How you do it, is not our concern but you need to change Mr. Styles' mind about leaving. This band cannot come to an end now. We still have a few years left with you and we mean to profit.' Louis scoffed.

 

'Yeah until our fucking contract ends you will. You know we have plans of our own do you?' Louis threw at him out of anger and frustration. So much for this prick being a newbie! Drew smiled at him.

 

'We are aware yes that you have, air quotes "plans of your own" but that still needs to be seen. Right now, we OWN you! So much can happen in the span of a few months Mr. Tomlinson. Things change as do people.' Drew stood up from his chair and ran his hands down his expensive suit jacket, straightening it. 'Mr. Tomlinson if you will excuse me, I have another meeting to attend to. I trust that Mr. Stlyes will have his mind changed as soon as possible and he will be happy again. Since you know him so well, I am sure your charm will work wonders on him. It did once, I am sure it will again.' Louis curled his fingers into fists and grit his teeth together.

 

'I will not play with him. I will not use him. I have done enough damage to him you fucking cunt. I can't do more to him. I can't lead on.' Drew gave him a fake sympathetic look.

 

'Mr.Styles will be eating out of your hand with just one word from you. You are his sun and his moon and he trusts you. Use that trust that he has in you for a good cause Mr. Tomlinson. Now if you'll excuse me, I am running late.' Louis glared at him hoping his eyes could burn this motherfucker to the ground. He made his way to the door and exited the suite. He stood outside in the corridor with his back against the wall. How was he going to get Harry to change his mind? Harry didn't even want to talk to him! They were over. He had broken him. He had told him so many hurtful things there was no taking back! Harry was hurt beyond measure. How was he supposed to get him to change his mind and make him stay? And they wanted to keep Harry as a solo artist? Just him? Where they planning to dismember One Direction and just keep Harry? Would Harry sign on with them? Louis felt his brain swell inside his head. needed to think. He had to find another way round this. He couldn't ask any of the others to convince Harry to stay because they didn't know Harry wanted to leave. As far as Harry was convinced, nobody knew that he wanted to leave. Louis only knew because he had overheard Harry tell Jeff. With a sudden shock, Louis realized that he was alone in this. There was no one he could turn to. No one who could help him. Once again he felt the weight of all this fall onto his shoulders, shoulders that couldn't hold anymore weight. He felt like he was going to snap!

 

He needed a smoke. He needed to forget all this shit for a while. He wished Cal was here for the millionth time. He needed something stronger than a joint but he had to make do with that and maybe a few drinks. He looked at this phone. 11:25 am. Never too early for a drink. He walked down the corridor, heading for the elevator hoping to get out of this damn hotel without being spotted but he knew that Alberto would probably be waiting for him downstairs. Louis took the elevator and as he had anticipated, when it opened out on to the lobby, Alberto was there waiting for him. Louis rolled his eyes as he saw him walk towards him.

 

'Good morning Louis,' Alberto told him. Louis sighed heavily letting Alberto know that he wasn't in a good mood at all. 'You have sound check in two hours,' Alberto informed him. Louis rolled his eyes again.

 

'I need to go out,' Louis told him flatly. Alberto nodded.

 

'Okay where do you need to go?' he asked him. Louis could feel his temper about to erupt.

 

'Can I go somewhere alone?' he growled at Alberto. 'Everyone is on my fucking ass and I need a god damn break, a little time to myself if that's possible.' Alberto looked at Louis unphazed by his outburst. He was used to it.

 

'I'm afraid that's not possible Louis. You know that. Tell me where you want to go and I will accompany you with the driver.' Louis was about to throw something back at Alberto but he felt a heavy hand rest on his shoulder.

 

'Louis!' Louis turned round and found himself looking up into Paul's face. Louis felt his eyes grow wide and a smile form on his lips.

 

'Paul!' he breathed. Paul smiled at him, gently squeezing his shoulder.

 

'Hey bud,' he told him. Without even knowing it, Louis flung himself at Paul, hugging him tight. Alberto made a move to get Louis off him, but Paul held out his palm to him, indicating that it was alright. He hugged Louis tightly. Paul could feel him trembling. He pulled back and held Louis by his upper arms.

 

'You want to go grab a coffee?' he asked him.

 

'I don't think that is a good idea,' Alberto interrupted. 'He cannot be unsupervised and he has sound check in two hours.' Paul looked at Alberto.

 

'Dude I have been his security for four years. I think I know how to handle this little shit here. I'll drive him to the venue myself no problem.' Alberto looked uncertain. Louis huffed.

 

'For fucks sake Alberto don't worry too much. You'll give yourself a fucking nose bleed. Take the morning off. I'll just hang out with Paul yeah.' Alberto looked from Louis to Paul then nodded and walked away. Louis let out a breath and turned to Paul.

 

'How are you back? Did they re-hire you or what?' Louis asked him. Paul took in a deep breath.

 

'No they didn't. Lets go grab a coffee and in your case a tea yeah. We need to talk.' Louis nodded and they began walking to the hotel's luxurious cafeteria. Once they were seated and ordered their drinks, Paul looked hard at Louis.

 

'What's going on Louis? You look like shit.' Louis fidgeted with his fingers and looked down at the table.

 

'Paul I'm...I'm sorry you lost your job....'

 

'It wasn't your fault Louis. Or Harry's. It just happened.' Louis kept his eyes down.

 

'If it wasn't for us....'

 

'I said it wasn't your fault,' Paul interrupted him. Louis raised his eyes and met Paul's eyes.

 

'So what are you doing here?' Louis asked him curiously. The waitress approached them and placed a coffee in front of Paul and tea for Louis. They thanked her and when she was gone, Paul leaned across the table.

 

'Your mates are worried about you Louis,' Paul told him quietly and Louis rolled his eyes and huffed.

 

'I should've know they'd call you,' Louis spat at him.

 

'Don't you get smart mouthed with me Louis and don't you fucking roll your eyes at me. I might not be your father but as sure as hell I feel like your father. What is wrong with you? Why did you leave Harry? Are you crazy?' Louis looked down at the table again not wanting to see the questions in Paul's eyes or the disappointment. Louis knew he was disappointing a lot of people, letting them down, people that loved him and he hated it

 

'You don't understand Paul,' he told him softly.

 

'Then explain it to me Louis because there is no fucking way you just up and decided to leave Harry after all this time. Not after you both been through. Not after what your mates, your families and me have been through to keep you two together. Did they put you up to it?' Louis laughed but his laugh was empty and devoid of humor.

 

'Oh so they got you in on the theory too huh? No one made me leave Harry Paul. I had enough. Relationships end you know. People break up. Not all of them last forever. This is not a fucking tragic love story or a fairy tale where we get to live happily ever after despite all the obstacles. I simply had enough. ' Louis took a sip from his tea hoping that Paul would not notice how his hands were shaking.

 

'That's bullshit Louis and you're not feeding me it. I've watched you and Harry from day one. I've seen you fall in love with each other. I've watched you not being able to be apart for a second. All the trouble you gave me to be together. I've watched you fight and struggle for your relationship. I've watched you both cry and ache each time they tore you apart and stuffed you in a closet so deep you couldn't see but you never gave up Louis. You fought for him. You took it all for him. You went up against them for him. So don't fucking sit there and tell me you had enough! You love that boy!' Louis swallowed and kept his eyes fixed on his tea. He couldn't speak from the knot forming in his throat. He took in a shuddering breath.

 

'I'm not gay Paul,' he told him quietly. Paul scoffed loudly.

 

'Louis you are.....'

 

'I'm not!' Louis said a little too loudly, his eyes fixed on Paul's. Paul could see the struggle within Louis. He could see the glistening un-shed tears in his eyes, the strain in his face, his trembling hands. What the fuck had they done to him? He was sure now more than ever that something was going on.

 

'Louis,' he told him quietly, 'is that why you have been abusing your body with drugs and alcohol? Just to escape the fact that you're gay and in love with Harry? There is absolutely nothing wrong in being gay! You have been with him for five long years so don't give me that shit! Why did you give up the fight? Why? This is not you Louis. You can trust me bud I can help you.' Louis rested his elbows on the table and rested his head in his hands.

 

'Paul I made this choice to leave him. I want to be normal. I want to be with Eleanor. I discovered I have feelings for her.....' Paul barked out a laugh!

 

'When did you discover these feelings for her Louis? While you were deeply in love with Harry? Or maybe while you were holding him when he cried in your arms because management wouldn't let you sit near him in interviews and you reassured him that it didn't matter where you sat because he always had your heart? Or maybe while you were both crammed in a tiny tour bus bed together because you couldn't bear to be apart from each other? Or when you had that scare on 1D Day when he jumped into my arms and nearly crushed his skull on the floor hadn't I caught him? Remember how you freaked out when they cut for a break? How you checked every inch of him and thanked me for catching him right? Or how you too have matching tattoos? Do you have all that with Eleanor Lou? You never cared for the girl more than if she was just another of your sisters. You seem to have forgotten that I was there every step of the way Louis! The way you acted towards Eleanor was the same way you acted with Lottie or Fizzy or the twins so don't expect me to believe you that you left Harry to be with Eleanor.' Louis ran a hand through his hair and looked at Paul. Paul felt his heart go out to him because Louis really looked like shit. He looked like a person who was dying on the inside.

 

'Please why can't you all accept that this is what I want and that I am happy? Eleanor and I are trying to make it work and if you all are going to keep trying to get me beck together with him, when I clearly don't want to, it will ruin my chances with her. Stop sabotaging my relationship. She's not even being paid anymore Paul. She's with me for real.' Paul took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

 

'So you don't love Harry anymore?' Paul asked him quietly. Louis looked at him and bit his lower lip. Paul could see he was quivering all over.

 

'No,' he said quietly, 'I don't love him anymore.' Louis took a sip of his tea maybe the god damn knot in his throat would dissolve somehow. Paul kept looking at him. Louis clearly needed help. Help for his drug abuse, for his alcohol problem and his love life. If he didn't, he was going to crash and burn.

 

'Okay,well since you don't love Harry anymore, answer me this then. Why can't you even say his name and why do you flinch every time I say it?' Paul asked him.He saw Louis' eyes grow a little wide and his fingers tighten around his mug. He saw him swallow hard, then look down at the table and shrug. He felt himself weaken at Paul's words. How did he see and notice everything? He felt his heart beat faster in his chest. Paul rested his back against the chair and pressed.

 

'If you don't love him anymore Louis, why are you a wreck and falling apart right in front of my eyes?' Paul asked. Louis kept his gaze down, his hands tightly around the mug.

 

'I'm not falling apart Paul. I'm fine,' he said quietly. Paul felt the urge to get up and slap the shit out of him but he knew that Louis was hard on the outside but soft on the inside. He could see clearly enough how tired Louis was. He had dark circles under his eyes and he had a few day's stubble and he had lost weight. Paul leaned forward again, closer to Louis.

 

'Louis let me help you. Let me fix this. You just need to let me in and tell me what they made you do, what they threatened you with.' Louis slammed down his empty tea mug on the table top.

 

'They didn't make me do anything Paul! This was totally my decision. You tell the others to stop with this shit just because they feel sorry for Ha.....for him! You all need to accept this and stop blaming everyone else for my choices. This was my choice Paul. I want to be with Eleanor.' Louis' voice was harsh but low. Paul again rested his back against the chair, his eyes narrowed.

 

'Wow well if that's the case, you have truly changed in such a short time and let me tell you bud, you have become a right dickhead. The Louis I knew up to a few weeks ago was so different. He was a fighter and committed to the love of his life. One who secretly got engaged to his man. One who moved heanen and earth for his man's happiness. Now all I see is a pathetic shadow of that person. A person who gave up and is settling for shitty decisions. Fine Louis, I will accept your choices. I will talk to your management today so they can take care of your drug and alcohol abuse because I think they might be overseeing things. How long has this been going on? I know you did it on my watch but I trusted you to know better. I'm sorry I didn't see it before and let it get so bad for you.' Louis looked at him, his face ashen.

 

'It hasn't been that long Paul, maybe a year and a half, two tops. Since they....'

 

'Yeah since they began making it difficult for you and Haz. I should've seen the signs,' Paul told him sadly. Louis shook his head.

 

'It wasn't your fault Paul. I made sure no one knew. Not even......not even he knew. I made sure. So it wasn't your fault.' Paul shook his head.

 

'I feel like I have failed you somehow. I should've taken better care of you guys.'

 

'Paul no,' Louis stopped him. He couldn't let Paul go talk to management about his abuse. They knew already and it might complicate the situation. 'It was nobody's fault but mine okay. Please don't tell them about my drinking and shit. If you tell them and my mum gets wind of it....please I don't want to upset my family anymore than I have. Or his family. They hate me enough and I deserve it. Just, I promise I will stop okay.' Paul scrutinized his face.

 

'I won't tell them for the simple reason that I don't want you to hurt anymore than you are and I respect Anne and Jay way too much for them to know about all this but you will stop Louis. I'm going to be here and watching you like a hawk. You step out of line and your ass is mine.' Louis smiled weakly at Paul.

 

'Thank you Paul. Now it's best we go. If I'm late for sound check they will be up my ass.'

 

 

x

 

 

Paul and Louis walked into the venue half an hour earlier than the time scheduled for sound check. Paul looked around the huge place impressed as they walked down a corridor towards the VIP lounges.

 

'This place is huge,' Paul told Louis in awe. Louis smiled.

 

'Yeah we kinda moved up a step didn't we?' Paul laughed and clapped Louis on the back.

 

'I'd say you moved up a good few steps. You went from small concert halls to arenas and now stadiums. I'm impressed. Stadiums are enormous. I am so proud of you guys. I'd never thought you'd reach this magnitude in your careers. I mean, I knew you guys would achieve much, of that I had no doubt but this extraordinary. I really do feel like a proud dad.' Louis covered his mouth and giggled and for a moment Paul saw the old Louis come through out of this person walking beside him who he hardly knew. Paul didn't believe for one second all the bullshit that Louis had told him. There was no way in hell Louis would leave Harry and get with Eleanor. He would bet his life that Louis wouldn't just leave Harry because he had suddenly developed feelings for Eleanor. For God's sake, the guy was as gay as they came and he couldn't understand why it was so hard for him to admit it. He knew Louis struggled with his sexuality and it was sad to watch him fight something that was natural.

 

Louis stopped and pushed open the VIP lounge door, wondering if the others were already here. He took a step in and froze, Paul bumping into his back. The room was empty except for Harry, sitting talking with Jeff and Xander who was sitting far too close to Harry for Louis' liking. Louis felt his stomach churn. What was this dickhead still doing here? Shouldn't have he gone back to Los Angeles by now? Harry lifted his head at the sound of the opening door and his eyes met Louis' for a brief second until they moved past Louis' cold blue gaze and rested on Paul's. Harry got up off the couch.

 

'Paul?' he said surprised. Paul pushed past Louis and walked towards Harry with a smile on his face.

 

'Harry, how are you buddy?' he asked him as he wrapped his arms around Harry's shoulders and hugged him tightly. Harry hugged him back loving the feel of being engulfed in Paul's big frame.

 

'Paul what are you doing here?' Harry asked him, his voice muffled by Paul's shoulder. Paul pulled back and looked at Harry.

 

'Liam, Zayn and Niall invited me over for a couple of days. How you've been Haz?' He watched as Harry's eyes traveled past Paul to Louis who was still standing frozen by the door. Paul did not miss the longing look in Harry's eyes that reflected his broken heart.

 

'I'm okay Paul. Jeff, Xander you remember Paul?' Harry asked Jeff. Jeff nodded, smiling at Paul as he shook hands with him. Xander got up and hugged Paul. Louis rolled his eyes. The nerve on this asshole! Hugging Paul as if he knew him or was part of their group!

 

'Paul I'll see you later yeah I'm just going for a smoke,' Louis informed him and was out the door before Paul could stop him. Paul locked eyes with Harry.

 

'Can we talk in private Haz?' Paul asked him. Jeff took the hint. He got up and nudged Xander in the back.

 

'Harry we'll see you later as I have some business to attend to and Xander is coming with me. We'll drive you to the concert together okay.' He smiled at Harry and Harry nodded, giving them both a hug. When Jeff and Xander were gone, Harry sat down heavily on the couch and Paul sat in the couch opposite him.

 

'What are they doing here Haz?' Paul asked him. Harry shrugged one shoulder.

 

'They are my friends Paul. They always helps me.' Paul nodded. He knew Jeff saw Harry as a potential client and Xander saw Harry as more than a friends, it was so damn obvious the way that lad was all over Harry but he held his tongue.

 

'So how are you Harry?' Harry smiled faintly at Paul.

 

'I'm okay considering,' he told him in a soft voice. Paul sighed.

 

'I'm so sorry Harry. I never thought this would happen. Not in a million years. I mean you two....'

 

'Paul,' Harry interrupted him politely, 'Louis has his reasons. He's always struggled with this. Well maybe not in the beginning but since they, you know, it's been a struggle for him. There were many times when he was finding it really hard to cope with things especially with his sexuality. I know that at some point he truly loved me but now he....' Paul smiled to himself. Harry loved Louis so much he couldn't even fault him for leaving him and breaking his heart! That was the truest form of love Paul had ever seen. Harry wanted Louis to be happy even if it wasn't with him. Paul shifted his body to sit on the edge of the couch and he tapped Harry's knee.

 

'I bet he still does,' he told him. Harry shook his head sadly.

 

'I'm done hoping Paul. I had hopes the first few days after he left me but now its all gone. We've never been apart for eleven days in five years. Never. Not even when we went to our respective homes during breaks, we still managed to be together. I just hope he will be happy when I.....' Harry stopped. He wondered if he could tell Paul. He trusted Paul of course. Paul narrowed his eyes at him.

 

'When you what Harry?' Paul asked him. Harry took in a deep breath.

 

'When I leave Paul. I told Modest I want to leave and Jeff is helping me to get out of the contract. He might also manage me as a solo artist!' Paul felt the blood drain from his face. So that's why he was around! A shark smelling blood in the water.

 

'You can't leave Harry,' he told him, realizing now that this break up had more of an effect on Harry than he had thought so far. Harry played with the hem of his shirt, not looking at Paul.

 

'Paul I have to. For Louis' sake I have to. He....he is not well....'

 

'Harry I know,' Paul cut him off, 'and that's why I'm here to help you both get through this and make everything right again. Louis will be well. I will get him into rehab if its the last thing I do.' Harry shook his head.

 

'It's not just that Paul. Ever since he left me, I...I found out things about him, things he told me. Louis has been suffering and it's all my fault. I need to give him space to heal that is why I thought it best for me to leave now.' Paul ran both his hands through his short hair.

 

'Leave now in the middle of a world tour? Are you crazy? They won't let you Harry. This is insane. You can't make decisions when your heart is broken.' Paul took in a deep breath. 'Harry listen to me. I honestly think there is something more to this. Trust me. Have I ever been wrong? I've watched you guys from day one and Louis would never do this. Please, just don't make any final decisions now. Give me a little time.' Harry sucked in his lower lip between his teeth and Paul could see his chest heaving up and down rapidly with an effort not to cry. When he looked up at Paul, he had tears in his eyes.

 

'I already made up my mind Paul and I talked to Modest! They obviously said no but I'm still going to try. Jeff knows good lawyers that specialize in these kinds of contracts. Louis and I are over. He wanted this. I will not hope anymore. I will not wish anymore. He wants to be with Eleanor and if she can make him happy, then so be it. All I want is to put all this behind me now and move forward, think about my solo career. Please don't tell the others that I want to leave especially not Louis. I don't want to cause them unnecessary pain. Until its final I don't want them to know.' Paul looked at Harry with pain in his eyes.

 

'Do you know how you your leaving will break your brothers Harry? And the girls? You have a responsibility towards those girls. Some of them are quite young and they might....they see you guys as their saviors. You are what holds them together when life gets difficult for them. You are what takes them away from the horrors of life. You leave, everything will fall apart Haz. Think about it.' Harry felt the tears roll down his cheeks and he sniffed.

 

'Don't you think I haven't thought about it? I know I will hurt my brothers and break the girls and as much as that kills me, I can't let Louis keep on suffering. If I stay around he will never get better. I'm so sorry I might hurt others along the way but I have to do this for Louis and for myself. I can't stay here and be this close to him. I begged them to release me and I know there is a high chance they won't but I will try my hardest. Its the only way.' Harry wiped his eyes with the back of his hands. Paul looked at him and wondered how the heck all this had happened so suddenly, how the both of them were so broken and the band was about to fall apart. He squeezed Harry's knee.

 

'Please don't give up yet Harry. Just hold on a little longer. Please,' Paul begged him.

 

'I can't afford to,' Harry whimpered through his tears. 'There's nothing to hold on to anymore Paul. It's over.'


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised here's another update for all you lovely people.

Second concert in Melbourne. Another sold out success. Another big show. Louis stepped off the stage sweating and out of breath but satisfied. They had done yet again another amazing job. He watched as Harry walked over to one of the sound technicians to have his ear pieces removed and packed away for their next show in three days at Adeliade. Louis watched him without being too obvious as he thanked the technicians, shaking their hands as he always did, always so polite and respectful. Louis had watched him out there tonight as he gave the best of himself like he did every night. He had watched him as he sang and how Harry had not looked at him once, not even during "their" songs. It shouldn't matter but it did! He watched him now, talking to the crew with that dimpled smile on his face as he pulled up his hair into a bun and he realized that it felt like as if he was seeing him for the first time. The way he moved with grace, the way he smiled but his smile didn't reach his eyes and Louis knew that it was because Harry was sad that his eyes were so dim and Louis felt his heartache inside his chest because he was responsible for his sadness. He watched as Harry fixed and pulled at his perfect bun (didn't he know it was perfect?), his black tee shirt stuck to his back, his long legs in his black skinny jeans which he used to peel off with difficulty because they were so tight and those God awful brown boots. Louis knew with certainty, that one day, he himself would throw those ugly fuckers away! Just then Harry lifted his head, his green eyes locked into his and Louis looked down and away quickly. He felt butterflies erupt in his stomach but he put it down to being nervous because he didn't know how he was going to get to talk to Harry and make him stay. Louis knew deep down that if Harry left, the band would not be the same. He would never admit it, not even to himself that Drew might have been right but One Direction without Harry wouldn't survive. And yes so maybe he was going to be selfish in trying to change Harry's mind about leaving, but he was not ready to say goodbye to all of this. Yet, he didn't want to use him and hurt him further but would it be so wrong for them to be friends? 

 

Louis carefully looked up again and saw Harry walking away with Jeff and Xander, Xander's arm draped loosely around Harry's shoulder. Fucking Xander! And fuck Jeff for bringing him with him when he knew just as much as he did, that Xander was after Harry. Had bee nafter Harry for ages and Jeff had found the opportunity to bring them together. Louis hated how Xander was always hanging around with Harry and how Harry always visited him in L.A even when they were still together. Louis was sure that that ass hole was going to make a move on Harry soon and he couldn't prevent it. After all he had made Harry single and eligible! Harry was vulnerable and weak right now and nursing a broken heart, three major things that dickhead will play upon and Harry was too vulnerable and trusted too much in their friendship to see his ulterior motives. Harry trusted Xander but Louis didn't! He knew how Harry was. He was a big softie who liked to be cuddled and hugged especially when he's down or sad so Louis was sure that Xander would play on that because Xander knew Harry well too. Not as well as he did but he knew him enough to take his chance when Harry was vulnerable! Louis sighed. He wondered if he could maybe talk to Jeff and make him change Harry's about leaving the band mind but he quickly dismissed the idea. He knew Jeff hated him and Louis himself had never made a show of liking the dude either so the feeling was mutual. No, he had to do this himself. He pulled out his phone and went to a blank message. He typed in Harry's name, the memory of the phone bringing up his and Harry's text history. Louis avoided reading their last texts! His fingers hovered over the small keyboard. What was he supposed to say in a text? Fuck, how was he even finding it hard to type a message to Harry, his lover of five years whom he knew better than he knew himself? Louis hesitated for a second. He knew wasn't very good with words.

 

[To Harry]

Hey Harry how are you? Great show huh? Louis

 

Louis looked at the text. Was it a good text to send to your ex after dumping him eleven days ago? He doubted it was any good and he had even more doubts about Harry replying to this and he could just imagine the confused look on his face when he saw he had a text from Louis. He'd furrow his eyebrows and suck on his bottom lip wondering why the person who broke him and had been nothing but nasty to him, was asking him how he was and about the show? Yeah, it would confuse the fuck out of Harry but Louis had no idea how to start talking to him again and he needed to talk to him badly. He hit send and hoped for the best. He stuffed the phone back in his back pocket and went off to meet Alberto.

 

As always Alberto was waiting for him outside and once Louis was in the car, they were off to the hotel. Louis tapped his fingers nervously on his thigh. He wanted to check his phone yet he didn't! His curiosity won over and he leaned sideways grabbing his phone out of his back pocket. He checked his messages. Nothing. Louis felt pissed off that Harry hadn't replied but then again what had he expected? That Harry would reply and start up a whole texting conversation with him? But Louis had to try. He had a job to do. One fucking job.

 

[To Harry]

I know you are probably surprised by my text but I need to talk to you. Louis

 

Yeah kinda cold and impersonal but he couldn't make Harry hope. The last thing he wanted to was make Harry hope. This was already out of context. He wasn't supposed to be texting him what the fuck? He sat back and kept his phone in his hand. He was hoping Harry would reply because Harry was one of those people that always replied to texts. He always answered his phone. Harry thought it was impolite that someone was calling you and you let it go to voicemail. If he could he would reply to every Tweet he got. He was that kind of person!

 

Louis looked down at his phone again. Nothing. Why wasn't Harry answering? Yeah okay so he was hurt and upset but Louis reckoned if Harry had been the one to call off things and after eleven days and he'd text him and ask how he was......yeah he'd probably wouldn't reply to him either or just send him one text and tell him to fuck off. But Harry wouldn't do that. Harry was polite.

 

[To Harry]

Harry I know you don't want to talk to me and I understand that but I really need to talk to you. Please? Louis

 

Louis shoved the phone in his pocket. He was not going to act like a fucking school girl and stare at his phone hoping to get a reply. If Harry didn't reply, he will just go find him talk to him, make him see sense and make him change his mind and convince him that leaving the band was bullshit. They were adults. Shit happens. Couples break up. Relationships end! He had to make Harry see that he couldn't be selfish and end this for all of them. Harry should man up and realize that relationships aren't forever and that theirs was nothing different than anybody else's.

 

The car pulled up in front of the hotel. Alberto got out of the front passenger seat and opened the door for Louis. Immediately Louis heard the screams of fans. He couldn't stop now. All he wanted was to have a hot shower and figure out what to say to Harry. He got out of the car and immediately girls with their phones at the ready crowded him. Alberto held them back but Louis felt sorry for them. These were probably girls who didn't have tickets for the concerts. He touched Alberto's arm letting him know that he wanted to stop for a while.

 

Louis spent fifteen minutes taking pictures with the girls and talking to them and thanking them for their never ending support and he was glad he had stopped because the smiles on their faces were priceless. He realized that sometimes it took very little to make a person happy. He told them goodbye and thanked them again and walked into the hotel. As soon as he got into the elevator, he pulled out his phone hoping for a bloody text from Harry. Nothing! He was going to be fucking stubborn was he. He had no choice but to play on his softer side. He didn't want to but he had to! He hit speed dial one and Harry's face came up on his phone, smiling at him. He tapped the call button and put the phone to his ear. It rang once, twice, three times, four....then it went to voice mail

 

'Hi you just reached Harry. Sorry I cannot take your call right now but I will call you back later. Promise. All the love.'

 

'Fuck!' Louis hissed. 'Fuck Harry why are you making this so fucking difficult for me than it already is!'

 

[To Harry]

Answer your damn phone! Louis

 

The elevator opened on to his floor and he got out, making his way to his suite. Before he entered, he tried calling again but his call was diverted to voice mail once again.

 

'Fucking hell Harry!' Louis cursed to himself.

 

[To Harry]

I know you are fucking ignoring me. You never let your calls go to voice mail Harry. I know you so pick up the damn phone. I just need to talk to you. Please text me. Louis.

 

Louis swiped the key card in the slot on his suite's door. When the light turned green, he pushed the door open. As soon as he entered he was surprised by the dim lights in the suite and the sweet smell of incense which instantly reminded him of Harry. He liked to use that shit around the house. He said it was relaxing but in all honesty it only choked Louis and made him cough but he had put up with it because Harry loved it. Now his suite was smelling like Harry! Great! Louis walked into the living room of his suite and noticed flowers and wine and candles just as soft music began to play. What the fuck? He turned towards the bedroom and saw Eleanor in the door way wearing a black satin robe which was open to reveal the skimpiest of black lace lingerie underneath. She smiled sweetly at him and Louis gulped. What the fuck was she doing?

 

She walked towards him and when she stood a few inches away from him she smiled at him. Louis shuddered internally.

 

'Welcome back,' she told him softly. 'I have been waiting for you.' Louis could smell her perfume and feel the vicinity of her body emanating heat. So that's why she was out shopping all day and didn't come to the concert! Eleanor took his hand and gently pulled him towards the bedroom. Louis felt panic rise inside him as he stepped into the bedroom and it was lit up by so many candles and rose petals on the bed! Eleanor wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him closer. Louis' brain was on pause. He couldn't function. He was frozen all over.

 

'I missed you,' she told him in her sweet voice. She stood on tiptoes and placed a kiss on his cheek, his jaw, one just beneath his ear but when her lips moved to his neck, his brain registered what was going on here and he slightly pulled back. 

 

'I uhm I need to shower El,' he told her, feeling the need to run away from her, from here, from all this shit but Eleanor slowly pushed him back till he sat down on the bed.

 

'You're gonna get sweaty again anyway so whats the use?' she told him huskily. Louis shivered internally. Was she really suggesting sex? Did she really want to have sex with him? Louis was ready to run! Eleanor straddled his lap, her slim thighs on each side of him and brought her lips to his, kissing him softly. Inside Louis was screaming and panicking and freaking the fuck out. What the fuck? He wasn't ready for this! This wasn't even on his mind, hasn't been and wouldn't have been if Eleanor hadn't brought it up! Eleanor pulled back and looked at him.

 

'Something wrong love?' she asked him as her fingers found the hem of his t-shirt and she tugged it up, getting Louis to raise his arms and she pulled it off him. She glanced at him, her eyes drinking him in, his tattoos, tracing his 'It Is What It Is' tattoo with her delicate fingers. Louis closed his eyes. Harry always did that! That belonged to Harry. But this is what he wanted right? He wanted Eleanor so it was her's now. He looked up into her beautiful brown eyes.

 

'I...I just....I....' he stammered. His brain was short circuiting. 

 

'What love?' she asked him lovingly, almost purring as she ran her fingers through his damp hair.

 

'El I...' Louis swallowed thickly, 'I...I've never done this with...with a girl before.' Louis felt his face flush and heat burn his face. He was Louis Tomlinson from One Direction and he had never fucked a girl! Of course not, because he had been fucking his man since he was eighteen! Eleanor kissed him softly and this time Louis kissed her back. She pulled back and smiled at him.

 

'It's okay love. I'm honored to be your first.' She pushed him back till he was lying back on the bed. She got up and pulled off his Adidas and his socks. 'Move further up Lou,' she instructed him. Louis did as she asked. As he settled his head on the pillow, he told himself that he could do this. I mean how different could it be right? Louis swallowed nervously as he felt Eleanor lied down on top of him. She was too light, too small.

 

'Are you nervous?' she asked him, he fingers tracing up his biceps. Louis nodded. He couldn't even speak. 'Relax Lou it will be fine,' Eleanor told him as she began to kiss his neck softly. Louis closed his eyes tightly shut. He had to do this! He will do this! He slowly lifted his arm placed it around her lower back though he was really uncertain what to do. Maybe he should do what he usually did with Harry, then he quickly mentally slapped himself because no, he couldn't do with El what he did with Harry what the fuck! That was just gross! He quickly pushed it out of his mind.

 

He felt Eleanor kiss his chest and rock her hips slowly on him. Oh God! Louis felt as if he was watching a bad romantic comedy movie from the 80's! This all felt wrong on so many levels. Eleanor was too light , too soft, too small, he couldn't find the friction he was used to, she didn't smell like the smell he was used to, her hands were small and her lips not full enough. He felt her hand trace down his stomach, past his naval, past the button of his jeans. Louis stiffened as he felt her hand rest on his dick, which was not contributing anything to the moment. Eleanor palmed him softly but it was really doing nothing for him. She looked up at him.

 

'Louis what's wrong?' she asked him. Louis felt ashamed and angry that his body was not responding to her. He felt like he wanted to run away and hide and cry.

 

'I...I just...' he stammered but he couldn't say what he really wanted to say because in his mind he wasn't gay and he wouldn't be gay! He would change. He wanted to change! 'I'm just tired El. I ran out of energy tonight,' he lied. He had never been tired for Harry after a show! He always had a lot of energy and adrenaline to fuck him into oblivion! He wasn't going to think about it! He was with Eleanor now. Eleanor peppered his face with small kisses swiping his sweaty fringe off his forehead.

 

'You can do this love,' she cooed in her soft voice. 'We'll take it slow okay.' Louis looked at her not knowing what to expect or what she wanted from him but if she was even going to suggest to go down on him, he was out of here! She smiled at him. 'Here,' she told him as she took his hand and placed it on her chest. Louis heaved inwardly. He had never touched a woman before. He had snogged a few in his teenage years way before he had met Harry. Harry. Maybe if he thought of Harry, his damn stupid body would co-operate. He closed his eyes as Eleanor continued to touch him and he thought of Harry. He thought of the way Harry used to touch him, those hands, his mouth on him, the way Harry touched him, the way Harry smelt, the heaviness of his body. Louis barely noticed that Eleanor had straddled his waist and had taken off her satin robe. She grinned down at him and ground down on him. Louis' eyes flew open, thoughts of Harry flying out of his mind.

 

'Something is stirring,' she told him seductively grounding down again on his half hard dick. Louis internally rolled his eyes. If she only knew what it took for his dick to stir! She put his hands on her hips and she rocked slowly over him but Louis didn't feel the friction he was used to. There was nothing there to feel! She lacked everything he needed and wanted! She wasn't fucking Harry and this angered Louis. Harry shouldn't have this much effect on him. Louis sat up suddenly and flipped them over. He was now lying between Eleanor's spread thighs. Maybe if he took control of things it would work out better. He leaned down and kissed her a little too roughly, urgently, his hand groping her thigh, lifting it over his waist. Eleanor moaned as he pushed down on her but yet again, he felt nothing. Louis was becoming frustrated with himself. He could do this. All he had to do was think about fucking Harry and his dick would work! It was just another fucking hole for God's sake!

 

Louis got up off Eleanor suddenly and sat on the bed breathing heavily.

 

'I can't do this I'm sorry El. I'm tired and I have too much on my mind,' he told her. They were all good excuses to give to her. And there was the fact that he never slept with a woman! And there was the major factor ; she was not Harry! He felt angry because he was not fucking gay and he should be able to fuck his girlfriend but no, his fucking traitor of a dick would not work! Eleanor sat beside him and took his trembling hand in hers.

 

'Its okay Lou,' she told him kindly. 'I know all the stress you're under and sometimes that makes a man not function properly.' Louis looked at her and he really wanted to tell her that the reason his body wasn't functioning properly was because he was with the wrong gender. But he couldn't. After all, he had left Harry for this. This is what he wanted. He got up off the bed and put on his socks and Adidas feeling angry and frustrated with himself. He felt close to tears. He felt ashamed and embarrassed and he needed to talk to Harry.

 

'Where are you going?' she asked him.

 

'I have some thing I need to do,' he told her curtly.

 

'Now?' Eleanor inquired, raising an eyebrow at him. Louis huffed.

 

'Yes now El,' Louis replied as he put his t-shirt back on. Eleanor got up and put on her robe, wrapping it around her and securing it in place with the belt.

 

'Are you going to him?' she asked him, her voice hard. Louis ran a hand through his hair.

 

'Why must you always make it about him El? You need to get over him like I have! For fuck's sake don't bring him up every time I walk out the fucking door alright?' Eleanor looked at him with wide eyes. She didn't like it when he cursed and yelled at her.

 

'I'm sorry,' she whispered.

 

'Don't wait up for me alright. I don't know how long this shit will take.' Louis turned and walked out the suite. Once outside the door, he took in a few deep breaths to calm himself. He hated this. He was angry at himself for not being able to fuck Eleanor, but he would change this if it was the last thing he did. He took out his phone and still no texts or missed calls from Harry.

 

'Fucking stubborn asshole!' Louis growled. 'Why are you so fucking stubborn you idiot?' He hit speed dial 1. After four rings he was diverted to voice mail yet again.

 

'Hi you just reached Harry. Sorry I cannot take your call right now but I will call you back later. Promise. All the love.' You don't keep your promises you shit cos you didn't call me back, Louis thought. He waited for the beep.

 

'Harry,' he said into the phone trying best to keep his patience, 'I really need to talk to you. I know you are not answering me on purpose and I don't blame you bab...ugh but I really need to talk to you please just five minutes. Call me or text me if it's okay to talk yeah. I....bye.' His heart was beating so fast it made him dizzy. Louis decided to give him half an hour. If Harry won't text or call back till then, he will go to his suite and make him listen whether he wanted or not. Louis made his way to the bar. He needed a drink or two to be ready to face Harry again.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning. It's the weekend and that means updates!!! Thank you so much for your comments and thank you to those who DM on Twitter. I love talking with you guys. Here's another chapter. A shout out to Mirtha and Marjan who I know are always waiting for the weekend updates. Hope you like it. All the love, M.

Harry sat on his bed and stared at his phone feeling confused. Why was Louis texting him? Why was he even calling him? Harry couldn't help the rush of excitement that flooded through him, the way his heart was pounding furiously in his chest in a good way and his palms were sweaty and he had to keep wiping them off on his jeans and how his mind was throwing hopeful scenarios at him that maybe Louis had changed his mind and wanted him back. Harry knew better than to hope but he couldn't help it. It came natural to him. Louis had loved him for five long years and now after eleven days of silence,Louis was texting him...a lot and calling him too! Louis wanted to communicate with him after eleven days and Harry couldn't neither help the small smile that made its way to his lips or the frantic beating of his heart.

 

His phone began to ring again, making him jump out of his thoughts, 'Love Me Like You Do' filling up his silent room. He stared at his phone as Louis' smiling face lit up on his screen. Harry just stared at it, his hands shaking and a goofy grin on his face but he was scared to answer it. What was he supposed to say to him? Was he even ready to hear what Louis had to say? He wasn't ready no! Whatever Louis wanted, Harry was not ready for it. He wanted to be ready but he wasn't! He decided to let it go to voice mail. When it stopped ringing, he went to his voice mail and played the message.

 

'Harry I really need to talk to you. I know you are not answering me on purpose and I don't blame you bab...uhm I really need to talk to you please just five minutes. Call me or text me if it's okay yeah. I....bye.'

 

The message ended. Harry looked at his phone as if Louis was going to pop out of it. He replayed the message again loving the voice that was talking to him, the voice he had missed so much, asking him to give him five minutes. Harry got up and threw the phone on the bed in frustration. Could he afford to give Louis five minutes? Five minutes could change a lot of things. Five minutes with Louis could mean another life altering decision, whether it was good or bad. Harry paced the room and ran his fingers through his freshly washed hair. He wished he knew what Louis wanted so he could decided if he should give him those five minutes or not but Louis had become a stranger to him. He wanted to listen to what he had to say but he dared not! He was afraid. Louis scared him because Harry didn't want anymore pain. But he wanted to give Louis those five minutes!

 

No you can't, his head growled at him.

 

Yes you should, his heart whispered.

 

Harry sat down heavily on the bed with a plop feeling torn. Secretly, he wanted to give Louis those five minutes but he was afraid to. He was afraid of all the emotions this would bring, afraid to be in the same room with him, alone for five whole minutes because Harry still loved him to bits and he knew it would hurt him again if he were to allow this. He wanted to, God he wanted to so much but he had to listen to his head and his head was telling him that it was a bad idea to allow him back in. Harry picked up his phone again and re-read Louis' texts. He felt the urgency in them and the need. Harry groaned and fell back on the bed and stared at the ceiling.

 

'Why Louis?' he groaned to himself. 'Why can't you just leave me alone? What can you possibly want now?' He closed his eyes and he decided he wasn't going to give Louis the five minutes he needed. Whatever Louis wanted to say, he could keep it to himself. He didn't want to hear it or know it! But he knew that that was a lie. It was a battle between his heart and his head but even though he hated it, he had to let his head rule this time. His heart was too hurt to make rational decisions! He was going to continue to get dressed and go down to meet Xander for a late dinner and drinks and have a good time and forget all about this and avoid Louis the best he could.

 

Harry put his phone on silent mode and left it on the bed, not wanting to know if any calls or texts came in and continued to get dressed. He pulled out a black button down sheer shirt and put it on over his skinny black jeans. He tried to get his mind off his phone not wanting to look at it and check if there were anymore texts or calls from Louis. He ignored it but his heart tugged and tugged with the desire to check the damn phone. He fixed his hair and put on some Hugo Boss cologne. He looked at himself in the mirror and decided he looked decent enough for dinner with Xander. He grabbed his phone off the bed, not looking at it though his heart was begging him to and he shoved it in his back pocket. He turned off the bedroom lights off, leaving on a lampshade on his bedside table and he walked out into the living room. He grabbed his key card off the coffee table and headed out. He opened the door and froze. He came face to face with Louis with his hand raised ready to knock on the door. They started at each other, both their mouths little open 'O's. Finally Louis cleared his throat.

 

'Hey...I was just wondering...if could I talk to you?' he asked him, his voice low. Harry swallowed and tried to compose himself after the shock of finding Louis at his door and listening to his voice.

 

'I uhm...I was...uhm going out,' he told him, scrambling for words. Louis bit his lower lip and looked down.

 

'It won't take long Harry. I just need five minutes.' Louis kept his eyes down and Harry could see that he was fidgeting nervously with his fingers. Louis nervous? Harry felt nervous himself and he really didn't want to do this. He was already ready to take Louis' hands in his own to stop him fidgeting and kiss his forehead to stop him being nervous. Harry mentally slapped himself out of it. He wasn't his anymore. Eleanor got to do those things now.

 

'I'm ugh kinda running late....' he began to say but Louis raised his eyes to his and Harry felt them reach right down to the core of him, his fingers brushing against his heart and he felt his heart reach out for him and grab him in a tight hug.

 

'Please,' Louis told him softly. 'I won't keep you long I promise.' His voice caressed Harry's skin like a cool breeze on a hot summer's night. How could he say no to him? How could he deny him anything? Harry sighed in defeat and opened the door wider.

 

'Fine,' he told him, stepping aside, 'come in.' Louis gave him a faint smile and walked past him into the room. Harry closed the door and turned to follow Louis into his living room. Louis stood in the middle of the room, still fidgeting with his fingers. Harry stood across from him making sure not to stand too close. He noticed that Louis was still wearing the clothes he had worn to the concert. He waited patiently though his insides where screaming loudly. Louis looked at Harry standing there looking divine in that bloody sheer shirt that faintly showed his tattoos, those skinny jeans that made his legs look miles long, that hair flowing round his shoulders and his smell! That smell that made him dizzy and flooded his mind with beautiful memories. He wondered how the fuck he was going to do this. Harry looked so fine, so gorgeous and he smelled of his favorite cologne. Oh fuck this was going to be hard. He cleared his throat.

 

'Harry I....I know that things between us have been kinda shit and that I have been an asshole to you most of the time and I really don't want it to be like that anymore because it's kinda effecting everyone around us,' Louis said, keeping his eyes on Harry to gather his reactions. He could see the confusion on his face, the little crease between his eyebrows that he knew so well and the hope in his green eyes. That killed him! He fucking knew that as soon as he first text him, Harry was going to hope and he could see that God damn hope right there in his eyes and he hated himself for it, for making him hope for something he was not going to give him. Louis licked his lips.

 

'Do you think that maybe we could be friends again Haz?' He saw his eyes go a little wide and his lips part a little. Yeah, the shock of his question was evident on Harry's face.

 

'What?' Harry asked softly, not really believing what he was hearing. This was not what he had been expecting and his head scoffed at him because he had been a fool to hope for anything more. Louis kept his eyes fixed on him. He smiled at him hoping his sincerity would ease the tension.

 

'You know, we started out as friends Harry. We've always been friends before anything else and I kinda miss that. I miss my best friend.' Harry blinked as he tried to process what Louis was saying. He heard the words but they weren't making any sense to him at all.

 

'What?' he asked him again, his voice barely audible. Louis rubbed his palms together and took a step towards Harry but Harry backed up away from him.

 

'I was kinda hoping we could go back to....'

 

'I heard what you said,' Harry bit back through clenched teeth. He was fighting the urge to either break down or explode on Louis. He didn't want either but this was too much. 'Are you kidding me Louis? Seriously are you asking me this after what you did?' Louis ran a hand through his hair. He knew that this would be difficult but seeing Harry struggle was breaking him.

 

'Harry I know what I did to you was wrong but it was what I wanted. If you could just accept my decision we could go back to being best friends.......'

 

'And do what?' Harry interrupted him, his voice strained against all the emotions he was feeling. 'Party together? Stay out all night and drink? Watch TV and play cards? Go shopping? When you and I were friends it was on a different kind of level of friendship than the friendship you are suggesting now. You and I were never that kind of friends Louis! I cannot be your friend. We cannot be friends.' Louis cocked his head to the side.

 

'Why not?' he asked him curiously. Harry took in a deep breath trying to calm himself.

 

'Because too much has happened between us for us to be friends Lou. We cannot go back. There was never a time between you and me when we were just normal ordinary friends. What makes you think we can be just friends now after all we have been through?' Harry asked him exasperated. Louis gnawed on his bottom lip as if he was thinking and Harry looked at him, standing there looking so innocent and he didn't know whether he wanted to cry or scream. Louis met Harry's gaze, blue melting into green.

 

'We can try. I mean like you said, we were never ordinary friends. Maybe we can try and start up a normal friendship like we have with the other lads. Who knows maybe we might be good at it.' Harry shook his head in disbelief, feeling his heart sink lower and lower in his chest.

 

'Louis we can never be friends,' Harry told him quietly. He looked at Louis, at the love of his love and wondered if Louis even felt anything for him anymore. Louis took a step towards him and this time Harry didn't move back. His feet felt rooted to the floor beneath him.

 

'You can't tell if we don't try Haz. Please?' Harry felt his heart squeeze tightly in his chest at Louis' plea and those blue eyes staring at him, those long lashes fluttering slowly. Harry swallowed thickly, his throat feeling dry.

 

'What more do you want from me Louis? Haven't you taken everything already? Now you come here asking me to be friends? What you are asking of me is impossible Lou, impossible. I can't give you that I'm sorry. I can't be your friend.' Harry looked down at his boots, not wanting to look at Louis anymore. This was a mistake, a huge mistake. He should have never allowed him in to talk. Louis took a few more steps towards him and stood just in front of Harry. He could smell his Hugo Boss and it made Louis feel faint as old memories seeped back into him, memories of past hotel rooms and long sleepless nights with this boy. He wanted desperately to reach out and tuck his hair behind his ear so he could see his face.

 

'Haz all I want is for us to get along, to be friends, to not let our situation ruin everything. It's not fair for everyone else.....' Harry's head snapped up and his eyes focused on Louis.

 

'So is it fucking fair for you to ask this of me when you know I can't do it? You want me to be your friend just so everyone else is okay when clearly I cannot do that and you fucking know it Louis!' Harry said, his voice angry. 'How is it right that I have to do everything to make others okay even when it's not okay for me? You should have known it wouldn't be okay before you came here asking this of me.' Louis sighed, feeling the guilt flood through him. Harry was right. He had no right to ask this of him.

 

'I know it's hard for you Harry....'

 

'No you don't know!' Harry told him in a raised voice. 'You really don't know Louis. You've broken everything within me. There is nothing left for you to break yet here you are taking another shot at me. And it hurts. I thought you had delivered all levels of hurt but somehow you always seem to come up with something to kill me all over again.' Before Louis could reply, Harry's phone rang. Louis rolled his eyes when he heard 'Love Me Like You Do' but said nothing. He really didn't understand Harry's obsession with this song. Harry took out his phone, swiped it and put it to his ear, all the while keeping his eyes locked on Louis and Louis' eyes fixed on him.

 

'Hey Xander,' he said into the phone. He saw Louis' stiffen and jaw clench tightly. 'Yeah sorry I'm running a bit late. Something has come up but I will be down shortly. Wait for me yeah? See you in a few.' Harry hung up and stuffed the phone back in his pocket and ran a hand through his hair. Louis smirked at him.

 

'Xander huh?' Harry rolled his eyes.

 

'He's just my friend Louis. I can be friends with Xander.' Louis snorted.

 

'He's never been just your friend Harry and you fail to see that. He wants you to be more.' Harry groaned in annoyance.

 

'No he doesn't Louis. You always think that but not everyone on this planet wants me the way you think they do you know. Xander is my friend. Besides, you shouldn't be concerned about me and who I hang out with. You have Eleanor to think about now so I really need to go yeah. I don't want to keep him waiting.' Harry went to walk past Louis towards the door but Louis grabbed his arm just over the elbow stopping him. Harry froze when he felt his touch. His small hand was warm and it was tight round his arm, his fingers digging into his soft skin burning him to the core. Harry wanted to collapse into his arms

 

'Haz,' Louis said in a low voice, making Harry shiver involuntarily, 'we need to make this work or everything will fall apart. You can't leave us.......' Louis stopped instantly when he realized that he had just given away the fact that he knew that Harry wanted to leave. Harry felt the tears prick at the back of his eyes. He snatched his arm free from Louis' grasp non too gently and glared down at him. He felt angry and cheated and used.

 

'So that's what this is all about right? You don't want to be my friend Louis. You just want to pretend to be my friend so I won't leave the band. That's it isn't it?' Louis bit his bottom lip and looked down at the floor. He said nothing. Harry chuckled sarcastically feeling the tears in his eyes now.

 

'You know for a second I was naive enough to think that you genuinely came here trying to make some sort of amends for tearing me apart like you did but I see that's not the case here. You came here to sweet talk me out of leaving because it's not convenient for you or the others that I leave and I understand that and trust me Louis it's the last thing I want to do but now that I know your true intentions, I want to leave more than ever. I want to be away from you, from this person you have become. I hardly know you anymore. Where is the Louis I knew, the caring, loving, selfless Louis? You don't want to be my friend. You just want to keep me here because you are selfish and spiteful.' Harry turned his face away from Louis and quickly wiped away at a tear that rolled down his cheek. Why was Louis was being such a bastard to him? He couldn't understand that. Harry sniffed but kept his back to Louis. He took in a deep breath and exhaled heavily then continued :

 

'You know, you could've just been honest and asked me not to leave. That would've been a friendly thing to do if you really wanted to be my friend instead of trying to play me. You could've simply asked me Lou. I hardly ever deny you anything.' Louis heard his broken voice and he felt as if he had been punched in the stomach. He silently cursed himself for doing this to Harry, for reducing him to tears again. Louis felt the urgent need to reach out and wrap his arms around him and hug him tight and tell him that everything was going to be alright but that was unthinkable. Nothing was right and nothing would ever be right!

 

'I'm sorry,' he told him quietly. Harry turned around suddenly and it tore Louis apart to see the tears in his eyes.

 

'Sorry?' Harry growled at him. Louis could detect the anger in Harry's voice. Harry was a calm person and it took a lot to get him angry but Louis figured that he had pushed all of Harry's buttons and he was ready to flip shit. Louis remained looking into his dim green eyes, green eyes he himself had dimmed. 'What exactly are you sorry for Lou? Sorry for leaving me? Sorry for making a decision that broke me? Sorry for making me watch you be with Eleanor? Sorry for wanting to be straight after five years of loving me? Sorry for not loving me enough to stay with me and fight through it like we promised each other? Sorry for coming here after eleven days and asking me to be your god damn friend when you know how that would wreck me? What exactly are you sorry for you wanker?' Harry yelled, more tears falling from his eyes. Louis could see that he was breaking him again and there was nothing he could fucking do to hold him together.

 

'I'm sorry for everything,' Louis said softly hoping that would help mend Harry a little. He wanted to stop hurting him. Fucking Modest! making him do this. Harry laughed.

 

'For everything! Is that supposed to fix me Lou? To make me feel better and make everything alright? My world is falling apart and I'm trying my hardest to keep it together, to make the right choices for everyone concerned. Do you have any idea what these past eleven days have been like for me? Seeing you hand in hand with her, kissing her, going to your suite together, knowing it's all real and not a stunt? Knowing she replaced me in your heart and in your life? All the things you and I did, you are now doing with her. It kills me a little each day Louis and there is nothing I can fucking do about it but to go ahead with life, to carry on as if everything is okay, like nothing is hurting me. I go out on stage being the Harry that everyone loves, the dork that falls over and makes ridiculous jokes. I do what Harry does best, mess about with the fans, give them what they paid for because they deserve it but nobody knows how Harry is dead inside. How Harry is crying inside while singing our songs Lou. After every concert, I break a little more seeing you go off with her when you used to go off with me. Is that what you're fucking sorry for Louis?' Louis kept his eyes fixed on Harry and watched him breathe heavily, tears rolling down his pale cheeks as the words poured out of him. Louis knew Harry had been dying to say all that and part of him was pleased that he had gotten the chance to let it out. Ever since the break up, Harry had said nothing, he had kept it all bottled inside him and Louis couldn't deny him this outburst. He had to let him get it out maybe that would help him. 

 

'Yeah I'm sorry for all of it Harry. It wasn't meant to be like this. I thought....'

 

'You thought what?' Harry cut him off in a calmer voice. 'That I would be okay with it, accept it and move on? You left me. You finished us to be with her Louis! We were meant to keep fighting for what we had, for all the plans we had but you gave up on us. You gave up on our future! You gave up on me! I have loved you deeply and truly Lou and you fucking ended me. You were the story of my life but you chose to close that chapter of the story. You should be happy now. You have what you want. At least you don't have to drug yourself or drown yourself in alcohol to be with Eleanor like you had to do to be with me right? Soon the fans will forget about "Larry" and I sincerely hope they do! It hurts to see them night after night hoping for Larry when Larry is no more! Poor deluded souls! If only they fucking knew! Hopefully I will get the chance to move on without you too. Let me be Louis. Let me get over you. Let me go. Please. You really should stop messing with my head. It's not who I want to be. I'm not like that and I don't like it. Now if you'll excuse me I'm late for dinner.' Harry turned and began walking towards the door but Louis caught up with him and grabbed him by the arm again, turning Harry round to face him.

 

'Harry wait,' he begged him but Harry just snatched his hand roughly out of Louis'grasp.

 

'No Louis,' he told him sternly. 'I am done with you. I am done with all of this. Tell Modest! I still plan on leaving and next time not send you to convince me to stay. You can't convince me of anything anymore. Close the door behind you when you leave.' Harry walked out the door and let it fall silently behind him.

 

Louis watched him leave. It was the only thing he could do. One hand moved up to cover his mouth while the other he ran through his hair. How could he continue to fuck up and break everything and everyone in his path? He should've know that this would've been a bad idea and he knew he should've told Drew to go fuck himself but instead he had let him convince him that he could sway Harry into staying. But part of him wanted him to stay. Part of him didn't want Harry to leave. But Louis knew that Harry needed to leave in order to get over him.

 

Well you only need the light when it's burning low

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow

Only know you love him when you let him go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low

Only hate the road when you're missin' home

Only know you love him when you let him go

And you let him go

 

He sat down heavily on the couch and rested his elbows on his knees and let his head fall into his hands. He felt depressed and sad for hurting Harry again even though he hadn't mean it. Oh who was he fucking kidding? Of course he knew he would hurt Harry by asking this of him! He had to admit that everything was falling apart because of him not because of Harry. Harry had no fault here. Harry was innocent. Another victim in hurricane Louis' path of destruction! He needed to escape this shit! He got up and walked to the room phone and he dialed room service.

 

'Hello room service. This is Maureen speaking how can I be of assistance?' the chirpy female voice answered him. Louis cleared his dry throat.

 

'Yeah hi this is Louis Tomlinson in suite 128 can I have a bottle of Jack Daniels please?'

 

'Sure thing Mr. Tomlinson. It will be delivered right up.'

 

'Thank you,' Louis said into the phone as he placed it back in it's cradle. He huffed and looked around. He felt lonely and unhappy. He walked into Harry's bedroom. The bed was neatly made and the lampshade was on. He walked to his closet and looked at his shirts. He smiled to himself. Harry always hung up his clothes even if they were in a city for just one night. He fingered the shirts: sheer, satin, flowered, patterned, Gucci was Harry's favorite! Plain cotton tee shirts. Harry loved his clothes. He looked at the bottom of the closet and saw his blue/silver Captain America boots. Harry had always giggled when Louis called them that! He smiled at the memory. Louis walked round the room, his hand trailing behind him on the neatly made bed and went into Harry's bathroom. He flicked the light on and looked around. Harry was so neat! He liked everything so tidy and he remembered how many times had he cleaned up after him at home, grumbling and complaining in the fondest way possible when Louis left clothes on the floor or a mess in the kitchen. Louis picked up his bottle of Hugo Boss, uncapped it and inhaled deeply. He felt his heart skip a beat. That smell brought back so many memories. It was Harry's smell!

 

Staring at the bottom of your glass

Hoping one day you'll make a dream last

Dreams come slow and they go so fast

You see him when you close your eyes

May be one day you'll understand why

Everything you touch surely dies

 

Home, he thought. They shared a home. After this tour is over, they had to make arrangements as to who was going to keep the house or whether it would be sold and they split the money. A nostalgic longing suddenly came over Louis, a longing for home, their home and the normal life they lived when they were home. He wanted to go back home, away from all of this. A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. Louis put the bottle of Hugo Boss back down and went to open the door. He found the delivery boy who rolled a cart into the suite with a bottle of Jack on it, a few glasses and a small bucket of ice cubes and informed Louis that it would be put on his tab. Louis tipped the lad and thanked him, closing the door behind him. He unscrewed the bottle, placed it to his lips and drank. He sat on Harry's couch and tried to figure out his confused mind but he couldn't figure anything out. What upset him the most was that Harry was done. Somehow he never thought that Harry would be done with him, that he would love him forever no matter what but clearly the break up had gotten to Harry. Harry had told him to let him go! Harry wanted to be let go of! Louis took another gulp of whiskey. Secretly, deep down in his heart, he knew that he had never really let Harry go even though he had ended their relationship. He might have broken up with him, but his heart had never let go of Harry and somewhere deep inside him he knew that Harry didn't want to be let go of, that he would always be THERE, holding on. This rude awakening made Louis feel miserable. Harry was done with him!

 

Staring at the ceiling in the dark

Same old empty feeling in your heart

'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast

Well you see him when you fall asleep

Never to touch and never to keep

Cause you loved him too much

And you dived too deep

 

It disturbed him greatly, more than it should that Harry was out with Xander and that he had actually dressed up for him and put on Hugo Boss for him to just go for dinner with a "friend". It made Louis' insides burn to think of Harry alone with Xander having dinner. It fucked him up to think Harry would bring Xander here in his suite..... No! Fuck he wouldn't think of that! Harry wouldn't! But he had made him single now and he could. Harry could bring Xander up here and.... No! He downed more Jack and he loved the burning feel of the liquid going down his throat, numbing him. Yeah, this would help some but he needed something stronger to drown everything out, to drown the disturbing images creeping into his mind of Harry seeking comfort in Xander and Xander at the ready giving it to him. He placed the bottle on the coffee table and went back into Harry's bathroom. Next to Harry's toothbrush and his Hugo Boss was his bottle of painkillers for his back. Louis picked up the bottle and looked at it. Arcoxia 120 mg. Prescribed to: Mr. H Styles. For: recurring attacks and inflammation in one or more joints. Recommended dose: one 120 mg tablet once a day which should only be taken when pain is acute. Do not exceed dosage.

 

Well you only need the light when it's burning low

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow

Only know you love him when you let him go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low

Only hate the road when you're missin' home

Only know you love him when you let him go

 

And you let him go.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ : IF MENTIONS OF SUICIDE TRIGGER YOU, DO NOT READ.  
> Hey guys back with yet another one. Sorry I made some of you cry and some of you angry. Don't hate Louis yeah. Hope you like this chapter. All the love, M.

Harry met Xander in the lobby and they had went to the hotel's bar and grill. Harry knew that Xander could see that he was upset but he was thankful that Xander didn't mention anything. They sat at the bar until their table was ready and had a few drinks though Harry stuck to tonic water and lime. His mind was too preoccupied to handle any alcohol and his heart was too hurt and he figured that if he'd drink, he'd only end up a sobbing mess and he didn't want to do that. Xander took a sip of his wine, studying Harry.

'Harry, I'm worried about you,' Xander told him. Harry offered him a smile, trying his best to make it look real and genuine. He hated that he couldn't be better company for Xander. After all, Xander had been kind enough to fly out from Los Angels to spend time with him here, to be here for him and had extended his stay, telling Harry that Jeff had decided to stay on with Glenne so he was going to stay too.

'You don't need to worry about me,' Harry told him softly.

'How can we not worry about you?' Xander asked him. ' Jeff is worried too. And Glenne. What he did to you...'

'Don't! Please,' Harry said, 'I don't want to talk about it.' Xander reached out and placed his hand over Harry's. Harry went to pull it away but Xander held it tightly. 'Xander, we're in public,' Harry said quietly and tugged his hand again. This time, Xander let go.

'You need to take care of yourself. You need to let me care for you Harry,' Xander said and Louis' words echoed back to him as to how Xander was after more than friendship. Maybe Louis had been right all along and he had failed to see it.

'I appreciate it but I can take care of myself. I appreciate your friendship but this is something I have to do on my own. There's no way around it but through it and it hurts yeah but I will be fine.' Xander snorted, leaned back in his chair and took another healthy swallow of wine.

'I don't know what you ever saw in him Harry. He's always been a jealous prick and he never treated you right.' Harry's heart clenched tightly.

'He's not. You don't know him....'

'I know him Harry so does everyone else. He's not much of an enigma to figure out. We know how he's been treating you. He never appreciated what he had. He's a coward. He'd rather hurt you then admit he's gay....'

'That's none of your business Xander,' Harry hissed. 'He's got enough going on. His sexuality is nobody's business but his own and I will not discuss it with you.' Xander shook his head and smiled.

'I don't believe how you can still defend him after all he's done to you.' 

Harry loved Xander. He was an amazing guy and always had Harry's back, now more than ever. Still, Harry could now maybe see that Louis had indeed been right and that maybe Xander wanted more from him. Harry could never give him more. Harry knew that he could never give anything to anyone else. Louis might have left him but Harry still felt Louis' hold on him. Suddenly Harry couldn't breathe. He felt as if he was suffocating. He had to get away from here and from Xander. He put his napkin down on the table.

'I'm not feeling well Xander. I need to go.' Before Xander could protest, Harry pushed his chair back and got up. He felt sorry that he had to leave Xander in the middle of dinner but he couldn't sit there and talk about Louis. Xander nodded and reminded him that the next day they were flying to Perth with Jeff in his private jet.

As Harry walked towards the elevator he looked at his watch. He hadn't even been gone an hour. He rode the lift to his floor, his mind flooded with thoughts. He just needed to get out of his clothes and sleep. He slid his key card into the slot and pushed his door open. His mind was just thinking about Louis. It was all about Louis. Harry wished that he didn't love him so much, that he wasn't what made up his world, what made up every moment tick for him. Harry sighed and wished that Louis would give his heart a break. He threw the key card on the couch and sat down heavily. He felt bone tired. Well he could sleep in tomorrow since he was flying into Perth with Jeff in his private jet. The others were leaving earlier but Jeff had told him to take his time and rest up as he much as he needed. Harry really loved his friend. However, he had neglected to tell him what had happened earlier tonight with Louis. Not because he didn't trust him or wanted to hide things from him, but because he knew that Jeff didn't really exactly like Louis and he voiced his opinion about him to Harry and Harry couldn't stand anyone saying bad things about Louis. Not even Jeff! Or Xander! Or his family! Which was why he kept most things close to his heart and not share them with anyone. They didn't understand Louis the way he did!

He heaved himself off the couch and made his way into the bedroom but when he reached the door, he stopped dead in his tracks. Louis was asleep on his side of the bed, on his back. Harry swore under his breath as he walked over the bed determined to wake him up and get him out of his room, send him back to Eleanor where he belonged. He will not have him sleep here again and have to face him and his hurtful accusing words again in the morning. Harry stood over him with his hand outstretched ready to shake him awake but he felt his heart go out to him. He looked so peacefully asleep just like an angel, so beautiful and so not his. He brushed the fringe off his forehead gently not wanting to wake him. Harry guessed that maybe he could let him sleep here and he would be fine sleeping on the couch even though he would regret it in the morning if he does his back in! 

He stood there and looked at him for another second. He was so close yet so unreachable and so unattainable to him. Harry knew then what it must be like for the fans to want the one you can't have, to be so close, so within reach yet never having. His fingers softly traced down Louis' cheek, his jaw, the light stubble which felt rough under his fingers. Harry smiled to himself as he bent at the waist and placed a kiss to Louis forehead. As he turned to go he noticed the empty bottle of Jack on the other side of the bed. Harry shook his head and realized that Louis had once again drowned himself in alcohol, now his only escape. Harry wished that Louis would stop drinking. It was getting out of hand. He would let him sleep it off in here then face him in the morning. He moved away from the bed and as he did so, he stepped on something that crunched under his boot. He looked down and saw his empty painkillers bottle. He picked it up and looked at it confused. What was it doing here? He always left it in the bathroom and he was sure he had at least eight pills left last night after he.....

He stopped horrified and felt his blood turn to ice, freezing in his veins. His heart stuttered to a stop then lurched painfully and beat fast against his sternum. He stood rooted to the spot, his eyes wide staring at Louis as a horrific realization spread into his mind while he fought against it, screaming internally refusing to even consider the thought. Then everything happened as if in slow motion, as if he was in some horrible nightmare where you tried to run away from some horror but you were stuck and it always caught up with you no matter how hard you tried to struggle to get away. He felt the bottle slip out of his trembling fingers and fall to the carpeted floor. He felt himself move towards the bed and grab Louis by the shoulders and shake him hard. Louis did not open his eyes. Harry shook him again but his head only lolled from side to side.

'Louis,' he called out desperately, his voice thick and strained. He shook him again, harder. 'Louis get up.' But Louis remained with his eyes closed, lips slightly parted, head lolling from the shaking.

'No,no, no, no,' Harry screamed horrified. 'No Louis what have you done? What have you done? You don't get to do this Louis, you just don't!' Harry shook him harder as he felt panic rise within him, fear, dread and desperation. He touched Louis' face and it was still slightly warm. He pressed his ear to his chest and he thought he could hear a faint heartbeat, unsure whether it was his own raging heart he was hearing.

'Help, 'Harry screamed as loudly as he could into the silent suite. 'Somebody help please. Anybody! Help me!' He knew no one would hear and he was freaking out and at a loss at what to do.

'Dammit Louis,' he yelled as the tears began to fall from his eyes. 'Damn you. What the fuck were you thinking you selfish prick? Why would you want to leave me? Why? You can't fucking do this!' Harry sobbed out. He quickly grabbed his phone out of his back pocket and and hit speed dial number six, Paul. He had never removed him from his speed dial. Paul answered on the third ring.

'Paul,' Harry screamed into his phone, 'Paul its Louis. Call a fucking ambulance hurry, my suite. Now! Hurry! Please hurry!' He hung up and shoved his phone back in his back pocket. Harry looked at Louis still lost to the world and his mind quickly tried to go through options. He couldn't just leave him there and wait till help came. He remembered once he had seen a programme about first aid and it hit him. He draped Louis' arm about his shoulder, his own arm wrapped securely around his waist and he hauled him off the bed. Louis was small, he was easy to carry.

'C'mon,' Harry told him in between sobs, 'stay with me Lou please stay with me. How dare you want to leave me like that? How dare you Louis? You left me once you want to leave me again you fucking asshole?' Tears dripped down Harry's cheeks as he dragged him into the bathroom and straight into the shower. He got in with him, holding him up with one hand the best he could and turned on the shower to cold. The cold water hit them and Harry gasped but held him up under the cascading cold water.

'C'mon Louis,' Harry begged him, 'please please wake up. Don't leave me baby. I won't survive without you I won't. I can't be in a world where you are not Louis please please,' Harry sobbed. He tilted Louis' face up to the spraying cold water smoothing back the fringe away from his face. He hoped Louis' system would work and snap him out of it but Louis remained unconscious and limp in Harry's arms. Harry hugged him tightly to his chest and buried his face in his neck.

'Louis please don't do this to me. I love you so much. I will do anything you want baby, be whatever you need me to be even be just a friend just please don't leave me. I'm so sorry I yelled at you. You can't leave me Louis,' Harry cried as he held him tightly against his chest. He didn't hear Paul barge into the room, followed by Alberto and Ryan. All three of them stood frozen in the bathroom door looking at Harry holding an unconscious Louis under the water, sobbing his heart out, both soaking wet.

'Harry what the hell?' Paul yelled as he rushed over to them. He tried to take Louis out of his arms but Harry only tightened his grip on Louis.

'No,'Harry screamed at him. Harry peppered Louis' face with kisses. 'C'mon baby wake up please for me. Please Louis,' he cooed, running his freehand across Louis' face but Louis just wouldn't open his eyes. Harry was vaguely aware of more voices in the room, yells and shouts and hands grabbing at him but he only held on tighter to Louis, his face buried in Louis' neck, whispering to him to wake up. Then he felt them pry Louis away from his grasp and he trashed against the hands that were tying to pull him away from Louis. He tightened his grip on Louis but strong hands were pulling him away from Louis and he watched as Louis was taken away from him.

'No,' he yelled struggling in the hands that were gripping him, 'give him back to me! Give him back! Louis! Louis please!' He tried to wriggle his way out of the arms that were holding him away from Louis. He felt himself being dragged down on to the bathroom floor, somebody sitting behind him with their arms across his chest, pinning his arms to his sides, not allowing him to move. Harry thrashed and kicked out as he watched the paramedics lay Louis down on the cold tiled floor across from him and begin their examination. He needed to get to Louis, he needed to hold him.

'Please,' Harry begged, sobbing, 'please let me hold him.'

'It's alright Harry,' Paul reassured him, speaking into his ear. 'It's going to be alright buddy. They are going to help Louis but you have to let them work on him.' Harry let out a strangled sob, his arms reaching out to Louis but he was unable to move. Paul enveloped him in a hug trying to calm him down. A paramedic came over to them, crouched down in front of Harry and was asking him questions but Harry could hardly hear what was being asked of him. He was looking round the paramedic to Louis. The voices in the room sounded like a lot of babbling noises and he couldn't distinguish from whom they where coming or from where. His mind just screamed out Louis! Next thing he knew, Harry felt a sharp smack across his cheek and it stopped him short. His eyes focused on the paramedic in front of him as his hand flew to his stinging cheek. More tears fell out of his eyes.

'I'm sorry man,' the paramedic apologized, 'I know you're under shock but if you want us to save your friend here I need you to focus for me okay.' Harry nodded as if dazed, one hand still holding his burning cheek and the other hand wiping at the tears in his eyes.

'What did he take?' the paramedic asked him. Harry furrowed his brow trying to get his brain to co-operate with this man and answer his question.

'My...my pa..painkillers,' he stammered out, his eyes zoning in back in on Louis.

'Which painkillers?' the paramedic asked him but Harry was focused hard on Louis, still unconscious on the bathroom floor. He could see his lips were turning blue as one of the medics placed an oxygen mask over his face. Harry made to scoot over to him but Paul held him back. The paramedic snapped his fingers in front of Harry's face.

'Harry, Harry focus for me. You need to tell me what he took if we are going to save his life you hear me? What did he take?' With difficulty Harry tore his eyes away from Louis and refocused on the paramedic.

'Arcoxia 120 mg,' he said softly. His throat felt hoarse from all the crying and screaming. He felt so tired and scared and cold.

'How many?' the paramedic pressed. Harry tried to remember how many he had left after the one he had taken the night before after the concert when his back was screaming in pain.

'Seven or eight. I can't remember. I don't know....I...I wasn't here...I left him here....he...he was okay....I left him alone...I don't fucking know,' he said breaking into tears again. Paul hugged him and the paramedic placed a hand on his shoulder.

'It's okay Harry. You did good man. What you did might just save your buddy's life here.' Harry raised his tearful eyes to the paramedic.

'Is he? Will he?' Harry asked but he couldn't form a whole sentence. The paramedic squeezed his shoulder.

'We need to get him to hospital as soon as possible. There is only so much we can do here. They will take better care of him there.' The paramedic went back to assisting the others with Louis. He watched as they attached an oxygen tank to the mask covering Louis' nose and mouth, another checked his pulse, another checked his blood pressure all the while shouting orders to each other. Harry placed both his hands over his ears trying to block out their voices. He was aware that someone had draped a blanket over him because he was shaking very badly. He watched as someone wheeled in a stretcher and they lifted Louis on to it. The paramedics started wheeling Louis out of the bathroom and Harry scrambled on to his long shaking legs clumsily nearly slipping from the water on the tiled floor. He felt Paul's hands steadying him.

'I need to go with him,' Harry said to no one in particular as he made to follow the paramedics but he felt hands holding him back. He struggled and tried to pull himself free. 'I need to go with him. Let go. Let me fucking go with him,' he yelled loudly.

'Harry you can't,' Paul told him sternly. 'You're not in a condition to go with him.' Harry turned furious eyes on Paul.

'I'm fucking going with him and you will not stop me. I have to be with him,' he yelled frantically struggling out of his hold. 'He fucking needs me.' Paul let go of him, not wanting him to struggle anymore than he already has and Harry dashed out of the room and ran after the paramedics, letting the blanket fall to the floor as he ran. Once out in the corridor, he was vaguely aware of Liam, Zayn, Niall, Eleanor and his sister all talking to him but he couldn't understand anything they were saying. They crowded him asking a dozen questions and trying to hold him but Harry was just focused on Louis. Louis was where he needed to be. He shrugged them off and staggered after the paramedics. The others followed at his heels as he caught up with the paramedics at the elevator. Harry stopped by the stretcher and looked down at Louis. He was so pale. Harry took his hand in his and squeezed it tightly. He bent down close to Louis' ear.

'Please don't give up Lou. Don't leave me Please. I can't be without you. We can make it alright. Just please baby.' Eleanor pushed her way through the others and approached them. She looked at Louis and clasped a hand over her mouth.

'Oh my God Louis,' she whimpered. Harry raised his head and shot her a look, a hard 'don't you even fucking dare come near him' look. The elevator doors dinged open.

'Not all of you,' the paramedic informed them as they rushed Louis inside.Harry kept his hard gaze on Eleanor daring her to say something. She didn't. He went into the elevator followed by Paul. She knew better than to follow them. Harry never let go of Louis' hands and his eyes remained on Eleanor, hard and angry. As the door closed and they started down, Harry squeezed Louis' hand again. He was shaking so bad from the cold and the shock he was under. His thin sheer shirt was stuck to his skin. Paul looked at him worriedly as Harry pushed his wet hair away from his face with his free hand. Paul wondered how much more Harry could take before he broke down.

The elevator opened out on to the lobby. Luckily not many people were there and thankfully no paps. The paramedics ran Louis out to the waiting ambulance. As they hefted him in, Paul put his hand on Harry's shoulder stopping him. Harry shivered. The weather in Melbourne was crazy. It was the only place, he was told, that had four seasons in one day. Sunny one moment and cold the next and tonight it was cold with a chance of rain.

'Harry I'll drive you. At least change and get into warmer clothes. You're shivering in those wet clothes and you might catch something.' Harry shrugged out of Paul's grasp.

'I'm going with him,' he told him sternly. 'Don't try to stop me.'

'You can't go without security Harry,' Paul argued.

'I don;t give a fuck about security Paul. Louis needs me,' he said harshly.

'C'mon,' the paramedic urged them, 'we can't waste time. His life is on the line.' Harry looked at Paul and hopped up into the ambulance, sat and grabbed Louis' hand again. The doors shut with a loud bang and the ambulance wailed it's way to the hospital. The ride seemed endless to Harry, the siren of the ambulance ripping into his brain and heart. He kept squeezing Louis' hand more for his own reassurance than anything else. He needed to feel him, to know he was still here. He sat there shivering, his teeth chattering holding onto Louis' hand for dear life.

As soon as the ambulance screeched to a stop in front of the emergency unit, they were on the move again. A doctor and a nurse were waiting for them at the doors.

'What do we have?' the doctor asked, slipping on a pair of latex gloves. Harry watched still attached to Louis' hand.

'Twenty three year old, attempted suicide. In take of seven to eight Arcoxia 120 mg tablets. Accesive in take of alcohol. Pulse weak. Heartbeat irregular. Breathing was extremely shallow, blood pressure low on both ends, possible system shut down.' Harry felt his head reel as he listened to the paramedic informing the doctor of Louis' condition. The situation hadn't fully hit him until he heard the paramedic say 'possible attempted suicide.' He looked down at Louis and felt his heart break, a kind of break that was even worse than the one that the break up had caused him. He realized that he might lose Louis, that Louis might not make it. He realized that he might had been too late to save him. He realized that Louis might die and Harry let out a sob. Louis couldn't die! No he just couldn't! Harry felt a hand on his arm. He looked down at the nurse.

'You have to wait out here now Sir,' she told him softly. Harry shook his head at her.

'No,' he protested, 'I need to be with him. Please,' he begged her as he looked over her shoulder to where they where rushing Louis down a corridor through a set of double doors. He made to move past her and follow them but the nurse put a hand flat out on his chest holding him back.

'Sir you need to let us work on your friend if we are to save his life. Please. Just wait here and let us do our job.' Harry was about to protest again but she turned on her heels and rushed through the door they had just wheeled Louis through and it closed behind her, separating Harry from Louis. Harry kept staring at the door feeling on the verge of breaking down totally. His jeans and shirt clung wetly to his skin and his long hair still dripped cold water onto his shoulders. He had goosebumps all over his body and he shivered again but it wasn't all from the cold. The gravity of the situation was slowly seeing into him and the more it seeped in, the more he thought about how he could lose Louis. He felt guilt weigh down on him for having been angry at Louis and leaving him alone. Louis needed to live so Harry could say sorry. Louis had to live because Harry wouldn't live without him. He felt his phone vibrate in his back pocket. Luckily it hadn't gotten too soaked. It was a message from Niall

 

[To Harry]  
We're on the way mate. Hang tight. We got you. Niall xx

 

Harry felt a lump close his throat and he tried to swallow but he couldn't. He felt as if he was choking. He looked at his phone and saw that he had a voice message. He went to his messages and put the phone to his ear. He stiffened when he heard Louis' voice.

'Hey I know you don't believe me and you've had enough of my shit and I don't blame you but Haz but I really am sorry for everything. I am sorry for hurting you. I never intended to hurt you. At least please believe that.'

Harry squeezed his eyes tightly shut, his fingers wrapped so tightly around his phone that his knuckles went white. He rested his back against the wall and slid down till he sat on the floor. He pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapped his arms around his legs and rested his forehead on his knees. He had put his phone on silent after he had left his room, leaving Louis behind and he hadn't heard his message. He had been angry and hadn't wanted to hear anymore from him. He felt guilt eating him up inside for shutting out Louis when he needed him. He felt guilty that he had been eating with Xander while Louis was thinking about killing himself. Harry let out a strangled sob. If Louis didn't make it, it would be all his fault.

'Please God,' he whispered as the tears fell from his tired eyes, 'please let him be alright. Please let him live. You just can't take the love of my life away from me. What will I do if you do if he dies? Please please let him live. Please.'

 

To be continued....................


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise!!! Bet you didn't see that coming. Well since I have a bit of free time I said why not give them another update? Enjoy. All the love, M.

Paul rushed into the emergency unit followed by Alberto and Ryan. He looked around the emergency unit and he spotted Harry sitting on the floor, his arms tightly wrapped around his knees still clutching his phone in his hand, his chin on his knees, staring vacantly at the blank wall across the room. Paul crouched down next to him.

 

'Harry hey,' he told him softly. Alberto and Ryan stayed back letting Paul handle him as they hadn't been with them long enough to know how to handle a situation like this. They were employed as security not a social workers. Harry didn't react to Paul's voice. He just kept staring into nothing, his eyes wide and fixed on something far away. Paul put a hand round his shoulders and he could feel that he was wet and frozen. The air conditioning in ER wasn't helping making him shiver violently.

 

'Hey,' he told him quietly again as he gently rubbed his back up and down, hoping to get some warmth into his frozen body. 'He will be fine alright. You reached him just in time and they will make him alright. Louis is a fighter, a little shit but a fighter.' Harry still didn't react. He just sat there shivering and staring ahead. Paul rubbed his back harder trying to get him to stop shivering.

 

'Has no one seen to you? You are under shock and freezing for fuck's sake,' he told him but Harry remained oblivious to Paul's presence Paul huffed as he got up and saw a nurse at the station by the entry.

 

'Excuse me,' he called out, 'we need some help over here.' Just then the door that they had taken Louis through opened and the nurse that had gone in with Louis came out. She looked at Paul and Alberto and Ryan.

 

'Are you with the suicide case?' she asked. Paul nodded.

 

'How is he?' he asked. Harry did not move as they talked above him.

 

'Doctors are still working on him. We need you to fill in forms. It's procedure just in case anything goes wrong.'

 

'Yeah. Yeah of course,' Paul told her, 'but someone needs to see to Harry. He's not doing so good.' They both looked down at him, still hugging his knees, clutching his phone, shaking and wet through. The nurse crouched down beside him and put her hand on his arm but Harry didn't react. She checked his pulse. As she did, she noticed that he was breathing rapidly and had sweat on his brow and upper lip even though his skin was cold and clammy. She also noticed that the area around his mouth was a little blue. She looked up at Paul.

 

'He's under shock,' she told him. Paul ran a hand through his short hair.

 

'He's the one that found him,' he explained to her. 'They're like brothers, very close.' He had to lie. He couldn't exactly tell her their story.The nurse turned her attention back to Harry.

 

'Harry?' she called softly to him but he didn't acknowledge her. 'Harry I need you to get up off of the floor for me. Can you do that please?' Harry remained unresponsive. The nurse looked up at Paul.

 

'You need to help me get him up and into a cubicle. He needs to be seen to. And someone get him dry clothes.' Paul nodded and as he moved to Harry, Harry raised his head slightly and looked at the nurse.

 

'His name is Louis,' he told her softly, 'not suicide case and I'm not moving from here until Louis is alright.' The nurse smiled faintly at him.

 

'I am sorry I did not know your friend's name. Louis is in good hands Harry. They are taking very good care of him and they will do all they can for him to make him better and you have to help us make you better because you are not well. You are under shock and you need to let us treat you for it okay?' Harry shook his head at her and placed his chin back on his knees. The nurse sighed.

 

'Look Harry I need to do my job here and my job right now is to see to you. I will be the first one to come out here and update you on Louis okay but you need to get up for me so I can help you. Please?' Harry blinked at her then nodded as he slowly began to disentangle himself feeling stiff and cold all over. Paul helped him up and no sooner was Harry on his feet, his stomach lurched and he threw up the contents of his stomach on to the emergency room floor. His knees buckled under him but Paul held him up not letting him fall. The nurse immediately rubbed his back.

'I got you buddy,' Paul told him.

 

'It's alright Harry,' the nurse told him, 'that's just one of the symptoms of being under shock. Sit him down in a chair.' Paul nodded and they sat Harry down in one of the blue plastic chairs. Harry slumped in the chair feeling as if he had been split in two and half of him was missing. What if Louis died? How would he live? The nurse lifted his shirt and looked at Harry's jeans.

 

'Harry I am going to undo your jeans alright. I need to loosen any tight clothing on you to help your circulation. Do you understand?' Harry nodded briefly as he let his head rest back against the wall and the nurse undid the button and zip of his jeans, then lowered back his shirt. When she was done she straightened herself and looked past Paul at the nurse at the desk.

 

'Please page Dr. Andrews. I need him here. Tell him its urgent. And call for a cleaner.' The other nurse nodded at her and grabbed the phone.

'I'm sorry,' Harry said softly. 'I couldn't hold it.'

'Its okay Harry. We see a lot worse in here than a little vomit. I'm taking you to lie down okay. We need to elevate your legs to get your blood moving and maintain your body temperature. Can you walk for me hun?' she asked him kindly. He nodded at her and commenced to get up. Paul put his hand under his arm and helped him up. They followed the nurse into an empty cubicle. Paul helped Harry on to the bed and went out to see if Alberto was back with dry clothes for Harry.

 

As soon as he got to the waiting room, Zayn, Niall, Liam, Eleanor and Gemma all rushed in followed by a few other security. As soon as they saw Paul they all rushed over to him.

 

'How is Louis?' Zayn asked him right away. They all started talking all at once, asking questions in a rush and talking over each other. Paul put his palms up to quiet them.

 

'Guys,guys calm down! Louis is still in there. We don't know nothing yet.'

 

'Where's my brother?' Gemma asked looking around the almost empty waiting room with panicked eyes. 'Paul where is my brother?' She rested her eyes were wide on Paul's face for any sign of bad news. Dread pooled in her stomach. Paul held her from her upper arms.

 

'Gem, Harry is under shock. They are seeing to him now but he's fine. It's nothing serious. He had a very big shock when he found Louis,' he told her as he pulled her in for a hug. Gemma exhaled with relief as she rested her face against Paul's chest welcoming the familiarity of him. She lifted her head and looked up at him.

 

'Where is he? I want to be with him.' Paul pointed a finger to where he had come out from and Gemma rushed to Harry's side.

 

'What happened to Harry man?' Niall asked Paul. Paul ran a hand through his short hair and huffed out a breath.

 

'When he left with the ambulance we quickly followed him here. When I came in, he was just sitting curled up there shivering and wet and just staring into space. He was totally out of it. Then a nurse came out and I got her to see to him. She said he was under shock and they needed to treat him.'

 

'Fuck,' Niall breathed out.

 

'What was Louis even doing in Harry's room in the first place?' Eleanor asked out of nowhere. All eyes went on her. Paul shrugged.

 

'I don't know. All I know is that I got a frantic call from Harry yelling it's Louis it's Louis and that I had to call an ambulance and go to his suite. When I went in there, I found him holding Louis under the shower, Louis unconscious and unresponsive in his arms.'

 

'But what exactly happened?' Zayn pressed. Paul looked from one to the other, fixing his gaze on each one of them, Eleanor too.

 

'Now what I'm about to tell you, stays right here. You understand. It doesn't leave this hospital.' He watched them as they all nodded in understanding. Paul rested his gaze on Eleanor till she gave a tight nod with her head. Paul took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. 'I don't know what Louis took or what he did, but they are referring to it as attempted suicide. Apparently Louis drank and he....he took some pills, Harry's painkillers but we don't know anything yet.'

 

'Oh my God,' Eleanor exclaimed, putting a hand to her mouth and burst into tears. 'He couldn't have! Not Louis!' Zayn punched his fist into the wall.

 

'Fucking hell! Motherfucker! What the fuck is wrong with him?' he said, his voice breaking as tears sprung to his eyes. Liam was quick to envelop him in a hug.

 

'Hey hey easy Zaynie. He will be alright. He will be fine yeah.' Niall ran a hand through his hair and plopped down in one of the blue plastic chairs.

 

'Fuck and Harry found him! No wonder he's under shock! I can't begin to imagine what Harry is going through.' Niall breathed. The room went silent. All that was heard was Zayn's and Eleanor's sobs and Liam sushing Zayn trying to calm him down.

 

'I have to call Modest!' Paul informed them. 'Before anyone gets wind of this and rumors and shit start flying.' As he was about to go outside to make the phone call, Alberto came in with dry clothes for Harry. He showed him where to take them then Paul stepped outside. Eleanor sniffed and wiped her eyes.

 

'Why would Louis do that? He is not suicidal,' she told no one in particular. 'And what was Louis even doing in Harry's room?'

 

'Does it even fucking matter?' Zayn snapped at her. 'He could fucking die and you're worried as to why he was in Harry's room?' Eleanor stared him down.

 

'Of course it does Zayn. I want to know why he left our suite and went to Harry's.' Zayn scoffed, shaking his head.

 

'Because he needed to talk to me,' came Harry's deep voice from behind her. At the sound of his voice, Liam, Niall and Zayn rushed over to him, hugging him and touching him to make sure he was alright. He looked pale and withdrawn in his black skinny jeans and black long sleeved tee shirt. His long hair hung over his shoulders still damp. Gemma had her arm wrapped around his waist and he had his arms around her shoulder.

 

'How are you man?' Niall asked him. Harry shrugged but did not speak.

 

'What happened Haz?' Liam asked him softly. Harry looked at him, his eyes filling with tears and his lower lip trembled a little.

 

'He...he was just....he was just lying there....he....he..' Harry stopped as he bit back a sob. His chest rose and fell rapidly from all the emotions he was feeling. Gemma rubbed his back.

 

'It's okay Harry,' Niall told him comfortingly. 'I'm sure Louis is going to be just fine yeah.' The nurse that had seen to Harry walked over interrupting them.

 

'Harry make sure you keep warm okay. Someone get him a hot drink. He needs to get warm and keep his system flowing.' Harry smiled kindly at her.

 

'Thank you Abbie. Thank you so much,' he told her. Harry looked at her with pleading eyes. 'Can you....' Abbie smiled at him and squeezed his hand.

 

'Sure. I'll go and see how Louis is doing. Now sit down and have a hot drink. Your body has been through a lot tonight and I don't want you to relapse.' She squeezed his hand and turned to go.

 

'Excuse me,' Eleanor stopped the nurse. 'When can I see Louis please?' The nurse eyed her furrowing her eyebrows.

 

'And you are?' she asked her. Eleanor straightened her back and flipped her hair over her shoulder.

 

'I'm his girlfriend,' she told her as she threw a sideways glance at Harry as if challenging him to contradict her. Harry glared at her, his fingers clenching into fists. The nurse nodded at her.

 

'I'll let you know,' she told her curtly and walked towards the door where Louis was fighting for his life. Gemma gently tapped him on his lower back.

 

'C'mon Walnut,' she told him nudging him gently forward,' lets go sit down yeah. Do you want tea or coffee?' It took a moment for Harry to realize what Gemma had just said, then he tore his eyes from Eleanor and looked down at his sister and let her lead him to a chair.

 

'Tea,' he whispered as he sat down heavily in the plastic chair.

 

'I'll get it,' Niall offered and he ran off in search of a hot beverage machine. Gemma sat next to him and took his big hand into both of hers, holding it tightly. There was nothing she wouldn't do for her baby brother. Zayn and Liam sat beside them and Eleanor took a seat across from them. Harry sat with his shoulders slumped just looking at the white sterile tiles beneath his boots.

 

'Did they give you any medication?' Liam asked him but Harry just shook his head. Niall came back just then and placed a paper cup of hot tea into Harry's hands. Harry let go of Gemma's hand and wrapped both his hand's round the hot cup.

 

'Thanks,' he told Niall quietly as he took a sip.

 

'Harry what happened exactly? What did Louis do?' Liam asked him. Harry bit his bottom lip and shook his head as if trying to dispel his mind of the horrifying images that haunted him, images that he knew will never leave his memory for as long as he lived.

 

'What was he doing in your room?' Eleanor asked him sharply before Harry could even reply to Liam's question. He felt her voice grate on his skin like sandpaper.

 

'He needed to talk to me,' he told her flatly. Eleanor stared at him.

 

'About what?' she pressed him, pursing her lips. Harry lifted his eyes from his tea and slammed them into her's.

 

'Louis will tell you himself if he wants to,' he told her coldly. He really wasn't in the mood for her. He never was come to think of it but right now, he really couldn't stand her sitting there in front of him all prepped up and looking down on him like she was something better. She leaned forward in her chair and looked hard at Harry.

 

'He was fine when he left our suite Harry. I need to know what you did to my boyfriend that made him want to kill himself,' she spat at him. Harry felt his heart clench painfully in his chest at her words, her accusation. He felt Gemma tense beside him so he put his hand on her knee reassuring her. He knew how hot headed she was. He looked down into his almost empty tea cup.

 

'I....' he began but stopped when his mind threw at him the image of Louis on his bed, unconscious, almost devoid of life and how lost to him he had been to him. 'I...I didn't....'

 

'You must have done something to him,' Eleanor interrupted him. 'He's been happy and wonderful for the past few days. There was nothing wrong with him. He wanted a fresh new start. Then he comes talk to you and he ends up in there,' she threw at him, pointing her finger at the closed door where the nurse had gone through. Harry felt the guilt of her words sink into him. Did Louis do what he did because of him? Because he had yelled at him and told him those awful things? Harry bit his lip trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall.

 

'I...I came back and...and found him there,' Harry said in a quiet voice. He was feeling too much to go up against her. Eleanor looked at him hard.

 

'Harry, he is my boyfriend. He is with me now. Whatever you two might have had, its over. You would do best to leave him the hell alone,' she threw at him. Harry crushed the empty paper cup in his large hands as he felt the tears prick at his eyes. Gemma glared at her.

 

'It would be best if you don't take up that attitude with my brother Eleanor. I'm not as patient and understanding as he is. He's going through a hell of lot right now so back the fuck off.' Harry squeezed his sister's thigh.

 

'Gem its alright,' he told her.

 

'No Harry, its not alright,' Eleanor yelled at him. 'Nothing is alright. You are sitting here drinking tea full of life while Louis....while Louis is the one in there,' she choked out as tears ran down her face. Harry looked up at her, his own eyes filled with tears.

 

'And I fucking would change places with him in a heartbeat if only I could,' he whispered. Before Eleanor could throw something back at him, Paul walked over to them looking flushed. He saw Harry slumped between his sister and Niall, while Zayn was crumpled into Liam.

 

'Are you okay Harry?' Paul asked him. Harry nodded.

 

'Drew from Modest! should be here soon to try and sort this out before the media turns this accident into a freak show.' Eleanor stood up and faced Paul.

 

'Accident? This was no accident! What happened to Louis was all his fault,' she said pointing a finger at Harry. Harry just looked up at her, his blank face pale, dark circles under his dull green eyes. Paul looked from him to Eleanor.

 

'Look Eleanor, we don't know what happened exactly so until the doctor talks to us let's not throw any accusations yeah. If it was what we think it was, Modest! are not going to allow it to get out of this hospital. They will bury it and come up with another different story. It's how they operate to protect the image of this band,' Paul explained to her. Eleanor put her hands on her hips.

 

'If Louis tried to kill himself, it had to be because of something Harry said to him or did because he was just fine when he left our suite. After the concert he came back to our suite and he was alright and in a good mood. Then HE steps in and Louis is struggling for his life in there,' she swallowed hard and turned her eyes on Harry. 'You couldn't just stay away from him could you? You just have to keep on playing your Harry charm on him to win him back. Well he doesn't want you back Harry. He;s not gay! He wants nothing to do with you besides doing his job.' Gemma got up off the chair.

 

'You better leave my brother the fuck alone or....' Paul stepped in between them as Niall pulled Gemma back away from Eleanor.

 

'Hey hey,' Paul warned them, 'settle down alright. Eleanor keep your voice down. We don't want unnecessary attention or anything you might say leaking out.' Eleanor looked angrily at Paul.

 

'He needs to stay away from Louis. All of you let this farce go on for a long time no wonder you and your team got fired. You all let the fans get carried away shipping all this Larry bullshit. Louis has wanted out of it a long time ago but Harry wouldn't let him be.' She turned to look at Harry, who was just sitting there looking at his shoes. 'You knew he was struggling. You knew how hard this thing you both had was for him, how hard it was on him yet you wouldn't let him be. If you truly loved him you should've let him go knowing he wasn't comfortable with the whole thing but he loved you and stayed because he didn't want to hurt you. Finally he took a step towards his freedom and you can't let him be can you and look what's happened? He tried to fucking kill himself because of you!'

 

Harry felt the tears roll down his cheeks because Eleanor was right. He had failed to acknowledge how Louis was struggling with everything and he was too selfish to let him go and when Louis had decided that he couldn't take it anymore and had left him, he was too self centered to even consider being his friend when clearly Louis needed him to be his friend. Everything started to fit like a puzzle inside Harry's head: the way Calvin had told him how he had fucked Louis up with this relationship and how Louis had to drink and drug himself because he couldn't stand it anymore and Eleanor was basically saying the same thing. How Louis had admitted to him their relationship and Harry himself had been killing him little by little. And he had been too caught up in loving him to notice all the wrongs that were happening and that their relationship had been breaking Louis. It had all driven Louis to this moment, to the point where Louis had reached his limit and couldn't live anymore, didn't want to live anymore. Harry let out a strangled sob as he leaned his elbows on his knees, buried his face in his hands and cried. Gemma sat down and wrapped her arms around her brother holding him close.

 

'What have I done?' he sobbed. 'What have I done?' Gemma hugged him to her.

 

'I'ts not your fault Harry. Don't think that please. Don't listen to that cow! She's just a job Harry and she's bitter because Louis loves you.'

 

'He doesn't,' Harry sobbed. 'She's right! I should've seen it. I should;ve seen how he was struggling oh my God why didn't I see it?' Eleanor opened her mouth.

 

'Eleanor that will be enough,' Paul scolded her, his voice not too gentle. 'You can't blame Harry for this.How dare you? Can;t you see he'e broken? No one is to blame here. We'll wait for Modest! to deal with this the best way they know how.' Eleanor crossed her arms over her chest and stared fixedly at Paul.

 

'Another cover up is what Modest! do best. Another sweep under the rug and everything will just carry on as normal. That is what Modest! are good at! But I know Louis. This is so out of character for him. Louis is my boyfriend now and you Harry would do best to remember that and stay the hell away from him. Louis is not gay. Get it through your thick head. He just fell for you. So stop trying to make him be gay.' She turned away from them all, fishing in her bag for her phone and once she pulled it out, she sat as far away from them as the room allowed and she started texting. Niall rubbed Harry's back. Gemma looked at Paul.

'Keep her the fuck away from me or she will be the one needing the ER next. Fucking cow!' She hugged Harry to her. 'Don't cry Walnut. It will be alright. Shh shh.' Niall looked at Eleanor and scoffed.

 

'Let her talk Haz,' he whispered to him. 'She knows jack shit. She was a fake for whole four years what do you expect would come out of her mouth? Nothing but fake shit! She;s the one to talk! She doesn't really know Louis or you.' Niall winked at Gemma over Harry's bent back.

 

'I should've just fucking slapped her stupid face,' Gemma grumbled. Harry sat up straight and looked at his sister, wiping his eyes on the sleeves.

 

'You will do no such thing Gem. Mum raised you better than that. Maybe...maybe she's right,' he said quietly.

 

'No no no,' Liam protested. 'You and Louis....'

 

'We can never be,' Harry whispered as he looked down at his feet again, a tear rolling down his cheeks. 'Too much has happened. I have pushed Louis over every edge.......'

 

'But it's not your fault,' Niall protested. Harry sniffed and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

 

'It is Niall and if Louis makes it out of there safely, I will make things right.' He paused and raised his head and looked from Niall to Liam to Zayn. 'I wanted you guys to hear it from me first. I...I will be leaving One Direction.'

 

'What?' Niall, Liam and Zayn chorused together. Harry lowered his eyes away from them and felt Gemma squeeze his hands tightly, letting him know she supported him through every decision.

 

'Harry you can't,' Liam told him quietly. Harry looked at him with pleading eyes.

 

'I have no choice,' he told him quietly. Niall turned in his chair to face Harry.

 

'Harry you can't leave us. We can't do this without you. Neither can Louis.....'

 

'It's for Louis' sake I'm leaving and mine,' Harry told him. Zayn stood up suddenly and looked down at Harry.

 

'You can't fucking serious and be this selfish Harry. We're all in this together you can't just fucking decide to leave just because you and Louis split up. Come the fuck on man! One Direction is not yours to decide its future how you see fit. There's four other parts that make up this band and you seem to have forgotten that.'

 

'Zayn,' Liam told him softly tugging at his hand to sit back down but Zayn pulled his hand out of Liam's grasp.

 

'No man someone has to speak up before everything is fucking ruined. Harry you and Louis need to fix this shit.....'

 

'There is no fixing this,' Harry told him looking up at him. 'Zayn, you know things are much more complicated than they are especially Louis' problems and now this.' Harry stopped as he felt a lump close around his throat. Niall and Liam looked back and forth between Harry and Zayn.

 

'What is going on?' Liam asked. 'What problems are you talking about?' Harry ran a hand through his hair, feeling tired.

 

'It's a long story Li. One I didn't even know about until a few days ago which led up to this moment.' He stopped and looked at each one of them. 'I am sorry if my decision is hard on you, but if Louis makes it, I will be leaving One Direction. It's my final decision.'

 

TO BE CONTINUED................


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, back with another update instead of tomorrow. I am going to Pride Parade tomorrow so I might be out most of the day so I decided to update today instead of missing out on another chapter. Thank you so much for reading and for your interest in my fic. I am greatly thankful. All the love, M.

The automatic doors leading into the emergency unit slid open silently, letting in a gust of cold wind and rain. Jeff, Glenne and Xander rushed in drenched, scanning the waiting room frantically until Jeff's eyes fell on Harry, crumpled in a blue plastic chair between Gemma and Niall, his head resting against the wall, his eyes closed. Jeff ran over to him, followed by Xander and Glenne, stopping just inches away from him. Xander looked at him, his eyes sad and his face a mixture of pity, fear and heartache for Harry.

 

'How is he?' he asked Gemma quietly not wanting to wake Harry, his voice worried. Harry opened his eyes and raised his head. Niall moved a chair and let Jeff sit next to him.

 

'Jeff,' Harry croaked. His throat was dry and it hurt to speak. Harry cleared his throat but it burned, like his throat was full of burning nails. He figured it was from all the screaming and the crying he had done when he had found Louis. Harry's eyes moved to Xander for a second then rested back on Jeff.

 

'I came as soon as I heard Harry. How is Louis? How are you holding up?' Jeff's concerned voice distracted Harry from the horrible images imprinted in his mind that kept playing up behind his eyelids each time he closed his eyes. He knew that he was going to be tormented by the still look on Louis' face when he had found him lying on his bed. How could he ever go to sleep without reliving that horrible moment when it had dawned on him that Louis had tried to kill himself because of him? How could he ever sleep knowing Louis had hurt himself just to get away from him? At the mention of Louis' name, Harry's eyes filled with tears. He bit down on his lower lip and stared down at his feet. Gemma sighed, feeling her chest ache at seeing her brother cry again. She gently rubbed his back lovingly.

 

'We know nothing yet,' she told Jeff. 'They have been in there for ages now.' Jeff ran a hand through his wet hair. He wanted to ask what had happened to Louis because he had only been told that he had been rushed to hospital, but he knew that it wasn't a good idea to bring it up in front of Harry seeing how broken and distraught he was. He looked fragile and Jeff feared that if he asked, the remainder of Harry would smash to bits. Jeff wanted to comfort him but he didn't know how or what to say to him. This was about Louis! And if Louis was in a bad state, there was no comforting Harry. Jeff knew well enough what Louis meant to Harry and even though he didn't like the way Louis treated him sometimes, he knew that he meant the world to Harry.

 

The sound of a door opening brought all their heads around to face the door leading into the area Louis had been taken into earlier. They saw nurse Abbie walking towards them. Gemma looked at Harry and saw that he was already looking at the nurse, his eyes wide and wet with tears and expectant. She walked towards him and smiled sympathetically at him. She didn't know why but this young man with his endearment and teary eyes had captured her heart.

 

'How are you Harry?' she asked him kindly. Harry swallowed, his dry throat burning.

 

'How is he?' he rasped, his voice no more than a whisper. It was all he could afford from his raw throat. His eyes searched her face, trying to decipher what she knew. Abbie crouched down before Harry and looked up into his pale face. Niall, Liam, Zayn, Xander and Glenne crowded around them, desperate for news, anything on Louis' condition.

 

'Harry, they are still working on Louis. He had a high amount of alcohol in his system and the pills he took, it was a great amount but they are doing the best they can for him okay. He is in good hands. Don't worry. How are you holding up? I need to check your blood pressure okay.' Harry just nodded and stared through her and barely shrugged. Gemma pulled up the sleeve of his tee shirt as Abbie took his blood pressure. He just sat there looking vacant, his red eyes leaking tears of their own accord. After a few minutes, Abbie stood up.

 

'You're okay Harry. I need you to keep warm and eat something. And have some more tea. I'll get you something for your throat too. You sound very hoarse and if we don't take care of it, it will get infected.' Harry shook his head. Abbie rolled her eyes and looked from Gemma to his friends around him. 'See that he eats something alright. He needs to keep up his strength. I'll come check on him again.' She turned and walked back through the door Harry wanted to so much go through, the door that was keeping him away from his love. Just as Abbie walked through the door, Eleanor came back from the restroom. She saw her go through the door and the door fall closed silently behind her. She walked over to the small crowd surrounding Harry.

 

'Any news? What did she say?' she demanded. Gemma looked up at her and really wanted to slap her. Instead she took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

 

'Still the same. No news,' she told her curtly. Eleanor stood there looking curiously at each and everyone of them as if expecting them to say something else, something more other than what Gemma had just said. Clearly she did not believe Gemma.

 

'If you are lying to me.....'

 

'For fuck's sake El,' Niall said, his voice indicating his lack of patience. 'Gemma told you the truth. Why would she lie? Still no news alright. If we had news we'd tell you! Why the fuck would we keep it from you? We know you're with Louis alright. We know!' Eleanor looked at Niall, holding his gaze for a few seconds then walked across the waiting room and sat in a chair as far away from them especially Harry as possible. Jeff looked at Gemma with a worried expression on his face and Gemma gave him the same look right back.

 

'Harry,' Jeff told him quietly, 'you need to eat and rest. You look like hell.' Harry rested his back against the chair and closed his eyes.

 

'I'm not hungry,' he said quietly. Jeff turned in his seat to look at him.

 

'By not eating it will not change anything. Gemma and I will go get you something small and some tea. We don't want you to fall ill.' Jeff wanted to get Gemma alone so he could ask her what happened without upsetting Harry any further. Harry simply nodded and Jeff tapped his knee. He got up and Gemma followed suit. She bent down and kissed the top of Harry's head.

 

'We'll be back soon walnut. Xander will sit with you yeah.' She stroked the length of his hair lovingly and Harry gave her a small smile as Xander slipped in the seat beside him that Jeff had just vacated. He wrapped his arm around his shoulder and pulled him into his chest. Harry buried his face in his neck as Xander cradled the back of his head.

'I'm so sorry Harry,' he whispered. Harry began to cry softly.

'It's all my fault. If he dies, its my fault,' Harry sobbed quietly in Xander's arms. Xander ran his hand down the length of Harry's hair trying to comfort him.

'No it's not Harry, never think like that,' Xander said. Harry gulped.

'He...he t-tried t-to kill himself Xander. In my room, with my pills. I found him almost...he was almost...I nearly lost him. What if I lose him?' Xander gulped. Louis tried to off himself? Harry made choking sobbing sounds.

'Shh shh its going to be alright Haz. He will be alright.' Xander's mind told him otherwise. If Louis died, Harry would never be alright again. 

 

Jeff and Gemma walked in silence down the corridor towards directions that pointed to the cafeteria. After a few minutes of silence, Jeff touched Gemma's elbow stopping her and turning her to face him.

 

'What happened Gem?' he asked her softly. Gemma bit her lower lip and Jeff realized that it must be a family habit because it was exactly what Harry did. Her big eyes met his and he could see how they sparkled from unshed tears. Gemma took in a shuddering breath.

 

'He tried to kill himself Jeff. He...he drank a lot and swallowed Harry's pain killers. When Harry came back....he.....' Gemma stopped and Jeff ran a hand through his hair as he let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding.

 

'Fuck and Harry found him,' he said more to himself than to Gemma. Gemma nodded.

 

'He's devastated,' she told Jeff. 'When Paul came here he found him sitting on the floor under shock.' Her voice broke and the first of her tears rolled down her cheeks. Jeff pulled her into his chest and hugged her hard.

 

'It's okay Gemma. They will both be okay. They have to be okay' Gemma sobbed against his chest.

 

'I can't bear to see him like that Jeff. He doesn't deserve this. He's so young and kind. He's my baby brother and he's endured so much already. He's beyond broken and if Louis doesn't make it.....'

 

'Shh shh shh don't think like that. Louis will be fine. And so will Harry.' Gemma pulled back a little enough to look up into Jeff's face.

 

'Eleanor is blaming Harry for what Louis did. She's putting it all on him saying that Louis was fine when he left their suite.' Jeff looked down into Gemma's tear stained face.

 

'What the fuck? She can't blame Harry for this is she crazy or? And what was Louis doing in Harry's suite?' he asked her but Gemma shrugged.

 

'Harry didn't say. He only told Eleanor that Louis needed to talk to him but he never said about what. Then he found him.....' Gemma choked back a sob. Jeff rubbed her upper arms.

 

'It will be alright Gemma. None of this is Harry's fault. Eleanor is just being a bitch. Louis left him and ended their relationship. We don't know why Louis did what he did and Eleanor can't blame Harry for this and if she does I swear to God I'll put her in her fucking place. What does she know?' Gemma shook her head as her tears continued to fall.

 

'The things she said to him....they were horrible Jeff and he....Harry believed her so easily and I know he took them to heart. Something must've happened between him and Louis, something he knows and he's not telling and how am I supposed to help him if he doesn't talk to me?' Jeff hugged her to him tightly again. He knew Gemma was letting go and she couldn't do it in front of Harry. She had to be strong for him so she couldn't afford to break down in front of him. They all had to be strong for Harry right now just in case.....Jeff stopped his thoughts right there. He couldn't even think that Louis wouldn't make it. If Harry lost Louis, they would lose Harry too.

 

'Gemma he will talk in his own time when he's good and ready. You know how Harry is especially when it comes to Louis and if Louis told him something that he can't tell us, well he will hold his secrets. Harry would never betray Louis' trust. Lately he's been dealing with a lot and this.....well this is a big hit for him. Come, lets go get you some coffee and something for Harry yeah? We should be beside him Gem, he needs us right now.' Gemma wiped her eyes and nodded at Jeff and together they walked to the cafeteria.

 

When Jeff and Gemma returned to the waiting room, Harry had his eyes closed with his head resting against the wall again. Niall was sitting next to him, clicking away on his phone. Zayn and Liam had taken up two seats in front of Niall and Harry, Xander sat on Harry's other side holding his hand and Glenne beside him. Eleanor still sat on the other side of the room, chatting on her phone and everyone was grateful that she was keeping a distance. Paul, Alberto, Ryan and a few other security lounged in a cluster by the door leading into the emergency treatment rooms where Louis had been taken in more than an hour ago. Gemma walked over to Harry and shook him gently. He opened his eyes and she could see the immense tiredness in his dim green eyes.

 

'Hey,' she smiled at him, 'we got you tea and a sandwich.' Harry sat up, moving his tired body as if in slow motion and pulling his hand out of Xander's grasp.

 

'I'm not hungry Gem,' he croaked. He cleared his throat again and it felt like he had sand stuck in his windpipe. Jeff handed him the tea which he gladly took.

 

'Someone needs to see to your throat Harry. You sound awful. You are just in the beginning of your tour and you can't sing like that,' Jeff told him sounding like his manager. Harry took a sip of hot tea and it felt soothing going down his ravaged throat. As he took another sip, the door to the emergency treatment rooms opened and a doctor followed by nurse Abbie approached them. All eyes in the waiting room went on him. Harry felt his blood turn cold and his bones melt. He felt ready to crumble. He wanted to know yet he didn't. He suddenly felt scared and afraid and he knew that he wouldn't, couldn't handle any bad news regarding Louis. Jeff saw his face turn white and immediately took the cup of tea out of his shaking hands. Everyone got up and approached the doctor. Harry stumbled up on shaky legs, supported by Jeff and Xander but he managed to stand right before the doctor, this man who held his life in his hands. One wrong word from the doctor and Harry knew he wouldn't make it. There was no life without Louis!

 

'How is he?' Harry asked him, his voice trembling with anxiety that was assaulting him. 

 

'He's stable,' the doctor told him and Harry nearly fell to his knees at those words. He was thankful that Jeff and Xander were holding him because if they hadn't he would've collapsed from relief .Louis was alive! He was going to make it! The doctor kept a worried glance on Harry.

 

'We pumped his stomach to get rid of all the toxins he put inside himself. His alcohol levels where sky high and with the pills he took, well its a miracle he's alive. There has been no permanent damage done though he will be sore for a few days especially his throat and he needs to cut back on his drinking. His liver is already showing signs of damage caused by alcohol.' The doctor paused then turned to look at Harry. 'You found him just in time and your quick actions helped save his life. Well done. You saved his life.' Harry felt the tears pour out from his eyes onto his cheeks and he wanted to hug the doctor so badly but his body felt too weak, too heavy. And sluggish to move. Suddenly he wanted to cry so much and sleep. Until he heard Eleanor's voice.

 

'Can I see my boyfriend now?' she asked the doctor in her shrill voice. Harry looked down, refusing to look at her. He wished she wasn't here, that she would just go away but then again, she was with Louis and Louis wanted her. He had to remind himself that Louis had left him for her, that Louis had chosen her, that she was what Louis wanted and all he could do was to be what Louis needed him to be.

 

'He will be sleeping for a while,' the doctor told her. 'I gave him something to help him relax. Suicide is not to be taken lightly. It did a number on him but he was lucky that his friend got to him when he did otherwise he wouldn't have made it. He was also very dehydrated so we had to put him on an IV to help him replace the fluids he lost.' Eleanor glared at him.

 

'Yes thank you. I would like to sit with him until he wakes up if that's okay,' she told the doctor. The doctor looked at Harry but Harry was looking down at his feet, barely keeping himself upright. He looked back to Eleanor and smiled.

 

'Of course. The nurse will show you to his room.' Eleanor walked past the doctor to nurse Abbie who was looking at Harry with a worried and concerned look on her face. Eleanor cleared her throat to get her attention and when she did, the nurse began walking away and Eleanor followed her. Paul walked up to the doctor.

 

'Doctor, may I have a word please?' he asked him. The doctor nodded and walked off with Paul. Harry took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Gemma reached up and cupped his face in her hands, wiping his tears away.

 

'He's going to be alright walnut. Thanks to you Louis is going to be alright.' Gemma hugged him and Harry felt himself go weak at his sister's words and hug. He felt Jeff wrap his arm around him and hug him too. He pulled back and looked at his friends. Niall was scowling at him, his hands on his hips.

 

'What the fuck is wrong with you Harry?' Niall asked him. Harry looked at him confused. Niall huffed.

 

'Why did you let her take over like that? Why did you let HER go sit with him? You should be the one sitting with him in there!' Harry's bottom lip quivered and he felt tears fall from his eyes again. There was nothing he wanted more than to go and sit with his Louis but he knew that Louis needed and wanted Eleanor not him. He would be upset if he woke up and found him by his bed instead of Eleanor.

 

'She's better for him,' he said softly.

 

'Bullshit!' Niall spat at him.

 

'Easy Niall,' Jeff warned him. 'Now is not the time.' Niall's face was turning red with suppressed anger. He had had enough of seeing Harry suffer.

 

'She has no fucking right to be in there,' Niall hissed at Jeff. Liam and Zayn stood beside Niall.

 

'Niall,' Liam said softly, 'go slow on Haz yeah. He's been through a lot.' Niall rolled his eyes.

 

'Exactly my point. He's been through enough and he should be in there with him not that little......'

 

'Louis wants her,' Harry said quietly. He ran a hand through his hair and decided to tell his friends what had happened now that Eleanor wasn't there. He knew he could trust them. 'It's all my fault all this has happened. Louis came to me last night to talk. He somehow found out I intend to leave and he asked me if we could be friends. I blew up on him especially when I found out that the reason he was asking me this was because he didn't want me to leave to stop the band from falling apart. I was so mad at him for everything, for all that he has put me through. I was mean to him .I...I just left him there and I went to dinner with Xander and while I was out he...he...I didn't know he would.....I had no idea that he would try to.....It's all my fault.' Harry didn't continue as sobs broke out from his lips and wrecked his body. He dropped his weary body in a chair and buried his face in his hands as he cried and kept repeating: 'It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault.'

 

Gemma sat beside him and wrapped her arms around her brother's shaking shoulders hugging him to her. Jeff, Liam, Niall, Zayn, Xander and Glenne looked from one to the other baffled, not knowing what to do or what to say to calm and comfort Harry.

 

'Let's get him back to the hotel so he can rest,' Jeff finally told them. 'It's been a long night and we can all do with a rest.' Harry's head snapped up and turned his teary red eyes he looked at Jeff.

 

'I'm not leaving until he wakes up,' he said through his tears. Everyone exchanged glances. They knew well enough Harry wouldn't leave until he knew that Louis had woken up.

 

'Walnut,' Gemma told him softly, 'you need to rest. This...this situation has taken a lot out of you and you need to rest. He is going to be okay. The doctor said.....'

 

'I know what the doctor said Gem,' Harry told her softly. 'I just need to be here when he wakes up. Just so I can really make sure that he's alright. I just...I just want to tell him that I'm sorry for what I caused him then I will go. I promise. ' He kept his eyes on her as if he was waiting for her to give him permission, not that he needed it! He knew no one could drag him out of there.

 

'Alright,' she told him softly, 'but I'm going to wait with you okay? I'm not leaving you alone.' Harry pulled his sister into a tight hug.

 

'Thank you,' he told her as he placed a kiss on the top of her head.

 

'I'm staying too man,' Niall told him, clapping Harry on the back. 'I got you Haz.' Harry smiled and nodded at Niall. Jeff sat down next to Harry.

 

'I'll stay too. You need all the support you can get right now Harry. This is not an easy thing to deal with and I am sorry it's happened to you and I'm sorry Louis tried to......' Jeff paused not wanting to say the words. He knew Harry understood what he was referring to. 'Both of you don't deserve this. It's not right.' Jeff looked down at his feet and Harry couldn't help but hug his friend. He could see that Louis' actions had taken a toll on everyone. Everyone was shaken to the core.

 

'Thank you Jeff. It means so much to me that you are here.' Liam cleared his throat and Harry looked at him.

 

'We are staying too Harry,' Liam said throwing a look at Zayn who was still pissed off at Harry for wanting to leave the band. Xander and Glenne sat down too. Harry looked at Zayn who kept his head lowered and said nothing.

 

'I'm sorry Zayn,' Harry told him quietly. Zayn shrugged but said nothing.

 

'Holy shit!' Niall exclaimed suddenly. All eyes went on him.

 

'What's wrong Niall?' Liam asked. Niall looked up at them.

 

'Louis. He's on Twitter. Look.' He held out his phone and everyone crowded around to see. Sure enough, there were two grainy, dark photos showing the ambulance in front of the hotel, the paramedics, Louis on the stretcher though his face didn't quite show due to the oxygen mask on his face, a panicked grief stricken Harry clinging to Louis and a worried looking Paul trying to calm Harry down. The photos were hash tagged #LouisTakenToHospital and #GetWellSoonLouis. There were many comments from freaked out fans asking what had happened to Louis and why he was being taken to hospital and the pictures were quickly being retweeted, spreading the news around.

 

'Shit!' Liam exclaimed. 'How did no one see those paps there?' Harry had his eyes glued to Niall's phone, staring at those grotesque pictures of Louis being hauled into the ambulance. As he looked at them, he relieved those moments of terror when he thought that he would lose Louis forever. Jeff noticed the grieved look on Harry's face. Gently he pushed Niall's phone away.

 

'Harry, it's not your fault. I need you to believe that,' Jeff told him. 'Louis is going to be fine. It's over alright. Louis is safe and he's going to be fine.' Harry blinked and looked at Jeff. He simply nodded but didn't say anything. Niall looked from Liam to Zayn to Harry.

 

'I think we should tell Paul that it's out there already. They, the girls don't know what's happening and they are going to worry and the rumors are going to start. Someone needs to make a statement.' Naill looked up and saw Paul walking towards them. He stopped in front of them and before he spoke, Liam stood up.

 

'Paul we have a problem. There were paps outside the hotel when Louis was......taken to hospital. They took pictures and they're on Twitter.'

 

'Fuck!' Paul hissed as he ran a hand through his short hair. 'They were not supposed to be there. No one was supposed to know about this mess. How the fuck did we not see them? Shit I have to call that Modest dude again and he better get his ass down here before shit starts flying.' He stopped and took out his phone. Before he dialed he looked at Harry.

 

'Harry, you can go in and sit with Louis if you like,' Paul told him, his voice softer. Harry looked at him with sad eyes.

 

'Eleanor is sitting with him. It's best if she's the one he sees when he wakes up.' Paul rolled his eyes.

 

'She left ten minutes ago. She asked Alberto to drive her back to the hotel. Don't ask me why but she just did. Come on, I'll take you to him.' Harry felt uncertain of what to do. He didn't quite know if his place was in there beside Louis. What if he was upset when he woke up and found him there? He felt Gemma nudge him slowly.

 

'Go Harry. Go be there for him yeah.' Harry nodded and got up on shaky legs. As if his legs had a mind of their own, they started following Paul.

 

 

Harry's POV.

 

'Cause there'll be no sunlight  
If I lose you, baby  
There'll be no clear skies  
If I lose you, baby  
Just like the clouds  
My eyes will do the same, if you walk away  
Everyday it'll rain, rain,ra-a-a-ain

 

I have no idea how my legs can carry me. They feel heavy and my body feels empty. It's a weird combination but it's exactly how I feel right now. My head feels like it's full of smoke and clouds and I can't seem to form any rational thoughts except one: Louis. If I had returned to my room a little later, just ten minutes later, who knows what I would have found in my room? My heart hurts so much when I think back on how I found him, on how I was mad at him for sleeping in my bed. Am I even allowed to be mad at him for swallowing all my pills? I don't even know what I'm supposed to feel at this point. I do feel mad at him for going to this extreme measure of trying to kill himself just because he can't stand me. That thought alone makes me feel sick. It hurts.

 

Now that I know the truth, courtesy of Eleanor and Calvin, of how Louis was so unhappy in our relationship how and struggled to be with me, maybe I can start figuring out what to do. But still I ask myself, why wouldn't he tell me that he was so fed up being in a relationship with me or was I too madly and blindly in love with him to see anything past that beautiful face of his? Past those blue blue eyes and that smile. Was he really that sad, that disgusted all the time? Was he really so done with me and I didn't see the signs? But I would surely have seen the signs. I am pretty sure I know Louis well but for him to fake all this time.....no its impossible. How could he fake a five year relationship? How could he fake telling me he loved me with so much feeling while he was deep inside me? You can't fake that right? I saw the way he looked at me when we made love, the way he held me after. I would've surely noticed his disgust. My rational mind throws at me that I am being delusional and cannot accept what has happened but my hopeful heart tells me it's not true, that Louis loves me, that I didn't disgust him. I need to shut them out both.

 

I stop behind Paul in front of a closed door. Am I ready to see Louis? Paul seems to read my mind because he doesn't open the door right away but turns to look at me.

 

'Harry, are you okay with seeing Louis? It's okay if you are not. I will totally understand. I can only imagine what you felt when you found him so it's okay not to be ready.' I hear his words but my mind cannot form any thoughts through the clouded haze thus unallowing me to utter any words to Paul. I stand there shaking, afraid because that in there is the love of my life and who nearly died on me today. That in there, is the boy I have loved since I was sixteen. So am I ready to see him? No but I want to. I want to make sure he's alive. I clear my throat and swallow hard. I look at Paul feeling torn but finally my mind does something right for me and forces my mouth to reply.

 

'I'm ready,' I say to him. Paul nods and pushes open the door. I take a deep breath and exhale slowly, bracing myself as I follow Paul inside the room. I keep my eyes on the white tiles beneath my feet. I am too scared to look, too scared of what I will feel when I see him. I can now see the wheels of the bed and my heart is beating so fast and hard. I can hear it in my ears. I swallow, my dry throat burning and slowly I raise my eyes until they rest on him. Him. The love of my entire being. My universe. My reason for every breath I take. The reason I wake up every morning. I look at him and I feel so many emotions go through me that it's hard for me to know which one dominates me the most.

 

I stare fixedly at my Louis in that hospital bed, the harsh flouroscent light above the bed making him look pale and his cheeks hollow. He's wearing a paper thin hospital gown and I wonder what they did with his clothes. I think back to what he was wearing, my mind being very effective at throwing at me his black skinny jeans, white Black Sabbath tee shirt and black and white Adidas. I need to ask where his clothes are.

 

He looks so helpless and fragile and I wish I could do something to bring back my Louis, my happy, bubbly, loud, noisy, sassy Louis who likes to pull pranks on people, my loving Louis who has loved me so much and so right. Not your Louis anymore, my subconscious is kind enough to remind me. I nearly choke on the lump in my throat.

 

He has an IV stuck in his arm, taped with a wide, white band aid. The skin around it looks red. He also has a heart monitor attached to him and its beeping slowly and rhythmically. His chest rises and falls slowly, his lips slightly parted as he sleeps.

 

I feel Paul squeeze my shoulder.

 

'I'll leave you with him for a while. I need to make a few calls. I'll be just outside if you need me okay.' I simply nod at him. I feel his hand fall from my shoulder and after that, the soft thud of the door closing behind Paul.

 

I feel my legs carrying me closer to my Louis and I really don't care how my subconscious is trying to let me know that he is not mine anymore. In my heart, he will always be my Louis. I stop just beside him and look down on his sleeping face. I cannot help my hand as it reaches out to brush his messy fringe off his forehead, a habit I have acquired over the years and habits are hard to break. His skin is warm. I run my hand down his cheek and I know I shouldn't but I lean over and place my lips to his forehead.

 

'I nearly lost you today,' I whisper against his skin. I feel the tears slip out of my eyes and roll down my cheeks. 'How would I have lived without you if your plan had succeeded hmm? I can't live without you Louis you should know that.' A sob escapes me and I am half afraid I will wake him up. Not that I don't want him to wake up. I want to see those blue eyes look into mine as he answers my questions and I want him to look into my eyes as I tell him all I need to say to him. I want to see the life in his eyes and then maybe I can go and sleep.

 

I step away from the bed and pull up a chair right up beside Louis. I know I have no place being close to him, but right now I need him. Right now, after this immense fear of almost losing him for good, I need the comfort of knowing he's alive and close. When he wakes up, I will leave. I will not hurt him with my presence unless he wants my presence. I feel the guilt weigh upon me for having lost my temper with him and told him that I could not be his friend. Why would I tell him that? I need to be all that he needs me to be now.

 

I take his hand in between both of mine, careful not to move the IV needle in his arm. I squeeze his fingers tightly, glad that my Louis is safe. Safe and alive. After having experienced the immense fear of what it would feel like to live in a world without him, I need to have him near. I close my eyes and let the steady beating of his heart relax my own heart, at least for a while.

 

TO BE CONTINUED........


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back again with another chapter (maybe two) Thank you so much for investing your time in my writing. I truly appreciate it. Writing is a passion of mine and now that I have Louis and Harry, I get very very inspired to write different stories about our favorite couple. Hope you enjoy chapter. Thank you also for your beautiful comments and thank you to those who come DM on Twitter . It is always a pleasure to talk to you and discuss the fic with you and listen to your ideas. You guys are amazing. All the love, M.

Liam returned to the waiting room with two cups of coffee and a tea, holding them awkwardly in his hands. He looked around the waiting room but there was no sign of Zayn. There were Gemma and Jeff huddled together talking, Xander and Glenne sitting quietly looking tired. Gemma looked upset and Jeff was clearly comforting her. Of course she would be upset! Harry was everything to her and seeing him this hurt and this broken was surely to upset her. Niall was sitting by himself, engrossed in his phone. Liam walked over to him.

'Hey Ni, I got you a tea. You look like you could use one.' Niall looked up from his phone and grinned at Liam. Liam noticed how tired Niall looked. Niall was the most laid back, easy going one of them but Liam could see the toll all this had taken on him even though he kept a grin on his face and a witty comment at the ready or something positive to say when all of them felt discouraged and Liam secretly worried about Niall because he never seemed to vent it out like they did. Liam knew it was bad to keep it all bottled up but whenever he tried to talk to Niall about opening up and that there was no shame in feeling distressed, Niall always shrugged him off with a laugh and told him that he was fine. But he weren't! No none of them were fine. They hadn't been fine for a while now. They were all drinking too much and sleeping less and suffered from depressive episodes even though management never acknowledged that their mental health was deteriorating as they struggled with anxiety (especially Zayn) and alcohol and drugs. Maybe now that one of them had tried to off himself, they would take serious consideration in not working them to the bone and kept on ignoring that as a collective, they were heading straight for a mental break down.

'Cheers mate,' Niall told him as he gratefully, a grin on his lips as he took the cup of tea from Liam's hands. He blew on it and took a sip.

'How are you holding up?' Liam asked him hoping Niall would let down his guard.

'I'm alright,' Niall said.

'Niall,' Liam began, his voice a soft warning. 'It's alright to not be alright. We are all little bit broken. We almost lost one of our own tonight.' Niall nodded pensively then looked up and smiled at Liam.

'I'm good mate. Someone needs to keep a straight head on during this time.' Liam was about to oppose him but took in a deep breath and let it go.

'Where's Zayn?' Liam asked him.

'He went out for a smoke,' Niall informed him, as he diverted his attention back to his phone. Liam sighed. He didn't know how much longer they could hold out for. Possibly management had to see that they were all fucked up? But they didn't care as long as the money was rolling in and One Direction grew and grew.

'How's the situation on Twitter?' Niall huffed and looked back up at Liam.

'Bad man. The fans are like freaking out. Everyone is tweeting about what's wrong with Louis and why was he taken to hospital. Not to mention the tweets about how 'Larry' is real since well Harry was with him and how he was standing by Louis as he was taken away by the ambulance. If they only knew the whole story about those two. Fuck, they're worried man like really worried and I wish I could tweet something....'

'Niall you know you can't! Not without permission.' Liam cut him off, his voice a warning. 'You better not tweet anything until we get word from Management on how they are going to handle with this. I'm sure they don't want it leaked that Louis tried....well you know.' Liam stopped, not feeling the need to elaborate on Louis' situation. It was painful enough without having to say the words out loud. Niall put the phone on his thigh and rubbed his face with both his hands.

'Yeah they will come up with some lame ass bullshit excuse to cover this up and keep everyone in the dark. I mean, alright it wouldn't be wise to actually say what Louis tried to do because that would damage everyone not just the band especially Louis' family especially his mum. She loves that boy so much and I don't think any mother would want to hear how her son tried to off himself. Modest will ignore it and hide it. They are taking this shit way too far now. We have become very shady and the fans notice it all. They know things. Management still thinks they can fool them. For fuck's sake sometimes they know things before we do!' Liam smiled weakly at Niall.

'I know Ni. They are like our extended family. Unfortunately we have to go by what Management says for now as we don't have much of a choice in what they put out there do we?'

'For now we don't,' Niall said with more meaning behind his words. Liam smiled at him understanding Niall's words.

'For now. Hopefully once our contract with them is over, things will be different for all of us. I'll just take this coffee to Zayn yeah.'

'Sure mate,' Niall told him as he went back to sipping his tea and eyes on his phone trying to keep track of what was going on in their fandom through their fans.

 

Liam walked out of the emergency doors into an almost empty parking lot. Only a few cars were parked in the otherwise empty lot. The wind had picked up and Liam shivered in the chilly wind but at least it had stopped raining though there were puddles of water everywhere. Liam looked around searching for Zayn. Beside the emergency building was another small building which was a garage that right now housed three ambulances. Between the buildings was a small alley way and it was there that he saw Zayn leaning against the wall, one foot up against the wall, smoking his cigarette. Liam walked over to him and stopped in front of him. Zayn kept his eyes to the ground, taking another long drag from his cigarette and exhaling a puff of white smoke.

'Hey you,' Liam told him with a smile. 'I've been looking for you.'

'Well you found me,' Zayn told him curtly, no humor in his voice. Liam could tell that Zayn was upset. He knew him too well not to notice.

'I got you coffee, just the way you like it. Extra milk and sugar.' Liam extended his hand towards him, handing him his coffee. Zayn looked up but avoided Liam's gaze. He took the coffee from him and took a sip.

'Thanks,' he told him as he wrapped his freezing hands around the warm cup. The silence lingered and stretched between them.

'Zayn what's wrong?' Liam asked him gently when he saw that Zayn was not going to talk to him and the silence was becoming uncomfortable. Zayn shrugged.

'Everything is wrong Lee. Everything.' Liam could see that Zayn was stressed and he hated it. He hated seeing Zayn sad and stressed and lately he had been a lot of both. He was drinking more and smoking more weed and sleeping less.

'Is it because Harry wants to leave?' he asked him softly even though he knew that that wasn't it. It was a part of it now that he knew but it wasn't it. 'I'm sure he won't leave Zayn. He can't! There's a contract to uphold which he cannot breach. He probably just said that because he is upset with all that's been happening......'

'He will leave if it means saving Louis Li,' Zayn snapped, finally looking up into Liam's brown eyes. 'You know he will do anything for Louis even if it means fucking us up along the way.' Liam shook his head.

'But how can Harry leaving One Direction make Louis better? I'm sure if he leaves Louis will only be worse....'

'There's more shit between them than you think Li and it's not my place to tell you alright. It's not my fucking story to tell. Since the beginning it's always been about them and you know it. All this shit with management, their fucked up relationship, the hiding, the lies, the enforced rules. It gets old you know. And now he wants to leave just because he can't handle a break up? And Louis pulls that stunt? Like what the fuck? Doesn't he think of anyone else besides Harry? What about his family huh? And us? Me? If he died..........'

'Hey hey hey,' Liam told him softly as he took a step closer to Zayn, 'he's going to be alright. Louis is going to be fine yeah. Where is all this coming from Zayn? You know can talk to me right? You know that yeah?' Zayn looked away from Liam.

'Yeah Louis is going to be fine and I'm happy about that but are we? What the band? What about us? Everything Lee!' Liam placed his hands on Zayn's upper arms and shook him a little till Zayn looked at him again.

'What do you mean Zayn?' Liam asked him with a worried expression. Zayn took in a shuddering breath.

'You know damn fucking well what I mean Li.' Zayn kept his eyes locked into Liam's as if daring him to say again that he didn't understand what he was talking about. But Liam knew. He let go of Zayn and took in a deep breath, exhaling slowly puffing out his cheeks.

'Zayn we have been over this before. You know that.....'

'We can't?' Zayn cut him off, his eyes boring into Liam's. Liam looked at him with pleading eyes.

'Please let's not do this again. There is too much going on right now.'

'Everything is falling apart Li. Harry and Louis get to live their love or are trying to but us? We don't even have a fucking chance!' Liam's eyes looked pleadingly into Zayn's eyes.

'Zayn do you want to be like them? Do you really want to be like Louis and Harry and go thorough all they've been through and are still going through? Can you honestly look at where they are now and tell me you want this for us?' Zayn looked down, avoiding Liam's intense gaze. Liam placed his index finger under Zayn's chin and lifted his face up, forcing him to meet his eyes. 'Tell me Zayn, do you want what they have for us?' Zayn took in a deep breath and after a few seconds he let it out slowly.

'No I don't,' he replied quietly, 'but I can't keep doing this Li. It hurts. It hurts that we have to hide even from our friends, that we always have to sneak around.' Liam smiled at Zayn and ran his finger down his cheek, feeling his stubble.

'I know Zayn but no one can know about us. No one. Not even the boys.' Zayn bit his lower lip and Liam saw his eyes fill with tears.

'Why can't we just be together Li? Why does it have to be so fucking difficult?' Zayn asked him letting his lip go and pouting at Liam. Liam looked at him fondly.

'Well for one there's enough trouble in this band with one gay couple. Two, it would be the death of One Direction if another gay couple popped up. And I won't risk you Zayn. I don't want them doing to you what they are doing to Louis and Harry. I won't be able to stand it seeing you suffer like that. Not to mention that my family doesn't even consider the fact that I am Bi and neither do your's. And we musn't forget that your religion doesn't allow you to be gay.'

'I can drop my religion,' Zayn whined. Liam smiled at him and cupped his cheek.

'And there's Perrie and Sophia. They don't know either. They think we are in love with them or something. It hurts when I see Perrie all over you, MY beautiful boy but its the only way we can be together Zayn. And Management will eat us alive if they found out,' Liam explained. Zayn pouted harder and Liam couldn't help but smile at how cute he was.

'We can always dump Sophia and Perrie and change management,' Zayn suggested. He looked at Liam through his dark lashes with hopeful, teary eyes. Liam continued to smile at him, feeling his heart beat fast in his chest. Zayn was beautiful and he loved him dearly. He was the first male Liam had ever had any romantic feelings towards and he couldn't deny that he wanted to be with Zayn, that he wanted their love story to just be.

'Zayn it's not that easy. We would be hurting too many people. Too much is at stake.' Zayn looked at Liam with shiny eyes.

'What about us? Do we keep on hurting just so others won't? I'm tired Li, so very damn tired. Sometimes I just wanna go home, forget all about this.' Laim cupped both Zayn's cheeks and stroked his cheeks with his thumbs.

'Zayn baby listen to me, I know you are tired, I know but nothing is going to change about us. You know you are the only one I want. I am fond of Sophia but I love YOU. You should know that by now yeah. Unfortunately yes, we have to stay hidden. I will not let us or what we have be destroyed by the media and management and close minded people. We have a good thing Zayn please let's not ruin it. Look at Harry and Louis. I don't want that to happen to us. Please. I would die of heartbreak if they reduced you to what they have reduced Louis to. Things are good with you and I. Let's not complicate it. Please baby.' Zayn felt the tears burn his eyes. Liam was right. Too much was at stake. Zayn put his arms around Liam's waist and pulled him closer. Liam hugged him tight to his chest, rubbing his back up and down trying to comfort him.

'You're right. I love you Li,' he whispered in Liam's neck. Liam pulled back slightly and looked into Zayn's beautiful face.

'I love you Zaynie. Nothing and no one will change that.' Liam leaned in and placed his lips on Zayn's. He felt Zayn's warm breath on his mouth, the taste of nicotine and coffee on his breath and Liam pressed his body into Zayn's slipping his tongue into Zayn's mouth, kissing him gently. Zayn fisted Liam's tee-shirt, pulling him closer, deepening the kiss. Liam pushed his knee between Zayn's thighs and leaned into his body. 'I love you,' he said in between kisses. 'I love you so much. I don't want them to hurt you. I will take care of you. I promise.' Zayn pushed his tongue into Liam's mouth and kissed him harder, deeper, releasing his pain and anguish as he let Liam kiss him and hold him, making it better for the time being.

Across the parking lot, a black car was parked in an empty spot in front of the Emergency Unit. Drew took in a deep breath and pulled his phone out of his suit jacket breast pocket as he watched Zayn and Liam kiss. He hit speed dial one. After three rings, his call was answered.

'Stuart, we have a problem,' Drew said into his phone. He paused, listening to Stuart. His eyes didn't leave the scene before him. 'No it's not Louis and Harry related. It's Zayn and Liam.'

 

 

I tell myself you don't mean a thing,  
And what we got, got no hold on me  
But when you're not there I just crumble  
I tell myself I don't care that much,  
But I feel like I die 'til I feel your touch,

Only love can hurt like this

 

Harry didn't know how long he had been sitting in the chair beside Louis' bed or when he had fallen asleep with his head resting on Louis' bed but he woke up to low voices. His eyes fluttered open to weak daylight filtering into the room. He felt disoriented and for a minute he forgot where he was. That only lasted for a second until the events from last night all came slamming back into him sending him reeling into despair again when he remembered how Louis had nearly died. He lifted his head suddenly and looked around dazed and confused, only to find a pair of familiar blue eyes looking at him with concern and tenderness. Harry blinked.

'Louis,' he whispered his voice hoarse. His throat burned. He tried to clear it but he couldn't because it hurt. His eyes took in Louis, sitting up in the hospital bed, looking back at him. Alive. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see Paul handing him a glass of water. Harry reached out to take it at the same moment that he realized that his other hand was still holding Louis' hand. He snatched his hand away let it go immediately, not wanting Louis to feel uncomfortable, even though the look in Louis' eyes said what? Was he disappointed that Harry had let his hand go? Harry shook his head a little. Of course he wasn't! Why would he? He probably felt disgusted. 

'Sorry,' Harry apologized hoarsely as he took the glass of water from Paul and took a sip. He saw Paul and Louis exchange a glance.

'I'll go and get you guys some tea,' Paul told them. He knew that they needed some alone time after all that happened and that they needed to talk . When Paul left, silence fell between them. It was a deep silence. The kind of silence that cut.The uncomfortable type. They had so much to say yet not one of them could bring themselves to start this unavoidable yet much needed conversation. Harry took another sip of water and then placed the glass on the table beside Louis' bed. He sat looking at the floor unable to meet Louis' eyes.

'Harry,' Louis said finally broke the silence, his voice sounding gravelly and raspy. Harry flinched when he heard his name coming out from Louis' mouth even though his voice didn't sound like him. He remembered the doctor saying that Louis would have a sore throat from the pump they had stick down his throat to empty his stomach. Harry gripped the arms of the chair he was sitting on tightly, till his knuckles where white and tried hard to control his emotional state and not just burst into tears.

'Why?' he asked Louis in a low voice. Harry heard Louis take in a deep breath. He couldn't look at him. He was feeling too much and he didn't know which emotion was struggling to free itself first from him: anger, pain, sadness, relief, joy, regret. There was too much going on inside of him and if he looked at Louis, he would break.

'I'm sorry for what I put you through. Paul told me everything.' Louis rasped, his voice low and scratchy. Harry raised his head slowly and his eyes finally rested on Louis. Harry looked at him as if seeing him for the first time. Louis was alive, sitting in this hospital bed, looking at him with those blue blue eyes that Harry wanted to drown in and forget all that had happened, all the pain, the fear and the anxiety. He wanted relief from all of this. He wanted to get rid of the heavy weight on his chest and breathe.

'Why?' Harry whispered again. He could feel his eyes filling with tears and he knew that he was going to cry. Louis saw a tear roll down Harry's cheek and he hated himself even more now than before for continuing to make him suffer.

Fuck, what have I done to you! he thought to himself.

'Harry, it's not what you're thinking alright. It was an accident.' Harry's eyes widened at Louis' statement. So cold and matter of factly. It felt like a slap in the face. After all the anguish he had been through was Louis really sitting there telling him it was a fucking accident?

'An accident?' Harry asked him in disbelief. 'Are you fucking with me? You accidentally drunk a bottle of Jack and you accidentally swallowed all of my pills?' Louis rubbed his hands over his face.

'I was drunk okay. I needed something and I didn't think....'

'No you didn't fucking think Lou. You didn't think at all.' Harry cut him off, his voice tinged with anger because how could Louis be saying this as if coming close to losing his life was nothing?

'Look I just wanted to get high. I needed something to help me get out of my funk. I never thought....'

'You never thought that a hand full of painkillers swallowed by whiskey could kill you?' Harry asked him incredulously.

'No Harry I didn't alright. At that time I didn't. I just wanted something to help me.....'

'Escape? Block all that's going on out? Forget that I exist?' Harry blurted out as he felt more tears fall from his eyes because the pain in his heart was too much and Louis dismissing his near death as merely an accident was too much. Didn't he know how much he was worth to him? Louis' mouth opened then closed. He felt confused.

'What?' Louis asked him shocked. 'What are you even talking about Haz?' Harry took in a deep shuddering breath and wiped his eyes. He got up and sat on the bed beside Louis. He felt the need to be close to him even though they were not together anymore but at this point he didn't care. He knew that they could never be together again yet he sought comfort from Louis. He needed comfort from Louis. Whatever what was between them was too damaged now to ever fix. It was too far gone.

'I know Lou,' Harry told him in a subdued voice. 'I know everything.' Louis' brow furrowed in confusion.

'Haz what the hell are you talking about? What do you know?' Harry swallowed.

'This is, what happened to you, is all my fault Lou and I'm so sorry. So very sorry.....'

'Woah woah slow down Harry. What are you on about?' Harry reached out and tentatively took Louis' hand in his. He expected Louis to pull his hand back but Louis left it there, wrapped in Harry's big warm hand. Louis felt his heart skip a beat the moment Harry's fingers wrapped around his hand, realizing instantly how he missed the familiar feeling of Harry's hand wrapped around his. It was so comforting, so sure, so safe. It felt like home. Louis watched Harry closely, saw the frown between his eyebrows that often formed when he was worried or deep in thought. He resisted the urge to reach out and smooth it out like he had always done in the past.

'Harry what is it?' Louis asked him gently as he watched Harry struggle and chew on his bottom lip. Harry raised his eyes to Louis' and Louis felt his breath hitch when he felt those green eyes melt into his own. He watched as Harry took in a deep breath and with his free hand push his hair behind his ear. Again Louis resisted the urge to tuck those curls behind his ear himself.

'Louis,' Harry said softly and Louis had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop from groaning out at the way his name rolled off Harry's tongue. However, he stayed quiet, wanting to hear what Harry had to say but mostly just to hear his voice. 'You have been slipping away from me for a long time and I was too blinded by my love for you to see it, to notice the pain you were in and how you were struggling to deal with our situation. I was too wrapped up being in love with you to notice how you were drowning yourself in alcohol because of me and how you were using drugs to escape the sexuality I forced on you.' Louis opened his mouth to ask Harry what the fuck was he on about and who in hell put this shit in his head but Harry put his hand up stopping him so Louis stayed quiet.

'Please Lou, let me finish. You are a straight man and I fell for you when I shouldn't have. I brought this upon you because I was selfish and wanted you for myself. I made you this way. You were perfectly fine and normal before you met me and then I ruined you. I ruined your life and you have been hurting yourself because of me, because I made you gay. I failed to see how you were struggling with being in a same sex relationship and how you feared being labeled as gay. I drove you to drink and drug yourself just so you could endure being with me. Now I drove you across the final line because I still couldn't see what was hurting you. I failed you on so many levels and I nearly lost you for good today Louis and I can't do this to you anymore. I can't let you hurt yourself because of me anymore. I am so so sorry Louis. So sorry that I never had the courage to let you go. I only wish you can find it in your heart to forgive me.' Louis stared at Harry with wide eyes and his mouth open, trying to make sense of all that he was hearing falling from Harry's mouth.

What. The. Fuck?

'But Harry its not your....'

'Louis don't! Please. I have enough guilt inside me for all that's happened. Don't try to say it's not my fault because it will not change the way I feel. Calvin and Eleanor made it clear to me about how you've been struggling to be with me. They told me how you had to drug yourself and how you were only gay for me. It's thanks to them that I finally saw that you were miserable and hurting and not dealing with anything. And you told me yourself how you were disgusted every time I touched you and every time you fucked me. How it made you feel bad and how you want to forget it all. How you had to be drugged and drunk to even stand to be with me. You said our relationship was destroying you and it disgusted you.' Harry looked down and Louis saw his lower lip tremble.

Fuck! When did I say all this shit to him? Louis thought. How did I fuck him up this bad?

'Harry...I...I'm....'

'No Lou don't apologize. If anything I'm the one who should be apologizing to you.' Harry looked up at Louis and Louis could see the tears gathered in Harry's eyes and spilling onto his cheeks and it broke him inside. Harry squeezed Louis' hand. 'I'm sorry Louis. I never meant to hurt you with my love. I now realize that I have loved you the wrong way though it was for the right reasons. I'm sorry I made you question yourself, question your sexuality. I shouldn't have done that and nobody should be put in that position. When I found you in my bed almost dead, I realized that I was the biggest mistake of your life......'

Is he fucking shitting me or what?

'Harry stop!' Louis told him sternly but Harry only shook his head, letting a few tears roll down his cheeks and barreled on, his words falling from his lips.

'I thought you would die Louis. I thought I'd lost you for good but you are alive and I have been given a chance to right all the wrongs I did by you. Please let me yeah. I won't leave the band if you don't want me to and I will be your friend if that's what you need me to be. I will be nothing more but your friend, I promise. I will let you be normal, be yourself. Be with Eleanor Lou, she's right for you and show the world who you really are, not this messed up thing that I made you into. I will let the fans know somehow that Larry is not real, never was. Just please promise me one thing.' Louis swallowed the knot that had formed in his throat, choking him with every word Harry uttered.

'What?' he asked Harry quietly.

'Don't ever ever hurt yourself again. Stop drinking and doing drugs and be that happy boy I met five years ago, the loud Louis who loved to pull pranks and smile all the time. You have your whole life ahead of you to live Lou, please live it. Shine. Be you yeah. Be what you were always meant to be. Be happy with Eleanor and if I ever remind you of what you so much want to forget and you can't take it anymore, just tell me and I will go. Just promise me you will never try hurting yourself again. Please promise me.' Louis was trying really hard not to cry but it was becoming impossible with all the words Harry had told him. So much emotion was threatening to split him in half. Why would Cal and Eleanor tell him all this shit? 

'I promise,' he whispered. Next thing he knew, he was enveloped in Harry's warm arms. Harry hugged him tightly to his chest and Louis could feel Harry's broken sobs rattling in his rib cage, his heart beating fast against his own. Slowly Louis wrapped his arms around Harry and buried his face in his neck, his long hair tickling his face. He inhaled Harry's scent, a scent as familiar to him as home. There were so many things he wanted to tell Harry, so many explanations he wanted to give him but he couldn't. Not now. For the time being, even if it was for a few minutes, Louis wanted to forget everything and just hold Harry and let Harry hold him. He wanted to forget everything and just freeze the moment in time and stay here in his arms where he belonged. Stay home.

Harry held Louis tightly, thankful that he was able to hold him again: alive, warm, breathing and full of life. Last night's thoughts would forever be with him to guide him and remind him to never push Louis to breaking point. As he felt Louis relax in his arms, Harry promised himself that he would be the best friend Louis deserved. He would make sure that he would be there for Louis. He would love him from afar, love him in his heart only. Now he had learned his lesson and he knew that he loved Louis enough to let him go and live the life he was meant to live even if it meant he got to live it with Eleanor. Harry pulled back out of their embrace first and reluctantly Louis let him go. He watched as Harry wiped his eyes, with slow movements. He looked tired and worn out.

I fucking did a number on him.

Louis rested his back against the pillow and continued to look at Harry, his mind reeling with all that Harry had unburdened on him. Louis wondered when he had told Harry all of those things and realized then that it must have been during one of his drunken binges. He bit his lip knowing how much he must've hurt him when he told him all of that. Harry was so sensitive and always took blame for everything that went wrong. Even if he didn't do anything, he always felt like he did something wrong and took the blame for it. But this was not on Harry. This was solely on him! He wanted so much to tell Harry that things weren't exactly like that but too much shit had happened between them that whatever he told him now, it wouldn't make much difference. It wouldn't fix what had been broken and Louis knew it wouldn't fix Harry. He could see that Harry was too far gone and he wanted to fix him. But he couldn't do that now.

The sound of the door opening pulled Louis out of his dark thoughts to focus on the door as Harry got up off the bed and sat back down in the chair next to Louis' bed. Paul walked in with two cups of tea. He looked from one to the other and instantly saw the sad looks on their faces and Harry's red eyes. He handed them each a cup of tea, giving them both a sympathetic smile and a knowing look, trying to let them know that he was there for them. Before Paul could say anything to them, the door opened again and Drew walked in. He looked at Paul.

'Go tell the other three to get in here please,' he told him curtly. Paul nodded and left the room. He knew Drew wanted to talk to Louis and Harry alone. Once he left, Drew looked at Louis.

'How are you feeling?' Louis played nervously with the fringe of the thin hospital blanket that covered him.

'I'm alright. Just my throat and stomach hurt s'all.' Drew pursed his lips.

'Good thing the next show is in three days. I talked to the doctor and he said you should be good to go in a few days. Luckily there was no permanent damage done. Your throat should be okay in a day or two. He advised lots of hot water with honey. No alcohol. The irritation in your stomach was caused by the pump which was used to flush out the toxins you ingested. He suggested a liquid diet for at least three days.No alcohol. The doctor will release you today on the condition that you will see a therapist,' Drew said mechanically, his voice devoid of all emotions. Louis' eyes went wide.

'I don't need a fucking therapist,' he rasped. Drew drummed his fingers on the table at the end of Louis' bed.

'Mr.Tomlinson, you tried to commit suicide.....'

'It was an accident,' Louis protested, his voice straining. Harry looked at him but said nothing. Louis will never learn not to fight them! Drew sighed in annoyance.

'Mr.Tomlinson, you and I both know accidents like that do not happen. Being run over by a car is an accident. Getting hit by a train is an accident or falling off a roof is an accident. Being highly intoxicated at your own hand and found by Mr. Styles in the nick of time, barely alive, THAT is not an accident. You have been selfish to think only about yourself not really caring about the grief you would have left in your wake had Mr. Styles not found you and took immediate action. The doctor suggested a therapist and suicide watch but since your occupation does not allow you to be in a facility for such treatment, Modest will and can provide a therapist that will tour with you. Also, Mr. Stlyes you will be required for a few sessions yourself with the therapist too.' Harry looked at Drew.

'Me?' he asked, his voice low and deep. 'Why?'

'Mr.Styles, the trauma you have been through last night and those of recent events, have not been easy on you and may leave long lasting effect on you. Do not think we have not noticed that. You have not been yourself lately and I am not talking professionally but personally. We need to have you well and stable so you will attend sessions with the therapist too.' Harry looked down and said nothing. If he were to be honest, he needed it. He really felt as if he was past his limits of endurance and someone to talk about all that he was going through would only do him good. There was no one who truly understood what he was going through. Drew looked from one to the other.

'Mr. Tomlinson's reckless actions have effected you both. We have to make sure that this does not happen again. It is our aim to keep you safe. This will not be repeated. I hope I am making myself clear. Your rep will release a statement tomorrow morning issuing how you had an allergic reaction to anti-biotic you were taking for an inflamed muscle. Due to the urgency the tour requested on your physical health, they were a stronger anti-biotic than the usual prescribed thus an allergic reaction to one ingredient which we did not know you were allergic to.' Louis scoffed.

'As if the fans are stupid enough to buy this crap,' Louis spat at Drew. Drew looked patiently at Louis as if he was dealing with a whiney toddler.

'He who controls the media controls the minds Mr. Tomlinson. As long as the fans hear it from a rep and said rep will assure them that you are fine, they will believe anything we feed them. I think you want to save yourself, your family, your band mates and your Management the embarrassment of headlines screaming at the world how you tried to take your own life. What your rep says is sacred to your fans. They will believe it. Speculation will only drive them to speculate and draw their own conclusions and we have to avoid that.'

'Yeah because when they draw their conclusions they are almost always right,' Louis said, throwing a look at Harry, wanting to mean that the fans have never been wrong about him and Harry. Drew took in a deep breath.

'You might want to call your family and assure them you are okay before the statement is released,' he told him, changing the subject and ignoring what Louis has just said. 'I took the liberty of calling your mother and informing her that you okay and all was fine. I refrained from telling her the true nature of why you are in hospital as I want to save your mother the heartache of what you did. I felt it was only right to shield your family from this unfortunate event. Like I said, I am pretty sure you are mature enough to save them the embarrassment.' Louis looked down and said nothing. He didn't want to hurt his family especially his mum. His mum would be heart broken if she knew what he had done. He would never forgive himself if he broke his mother's heart. There was already one heart that he had broken and for that he was paying a dear price. He couldn't have another broken heart on his conscience.

The door opened again and Liam, Niall and Zayn filed in followed by Paul. They all rushed over to Louis.

'How are you doing man?' Niall asked him. Louis gave him a weak smile.

'I'm alright mate.' Liam put his hand on Louis' shoulder.

'You scared us Tommo. We thought we were going to lose you.' Liam pulled Louis into a hug. 'Don't ever fucking pull some shit like that again you hear?' Louis hugged him back and he realized how foolish he'd been, that if he had died he would've left a string of broken hearts in his wake. Liam pulled back and moved aside, letting Zayn get closer to Louis. Zayn looked at Louis with a pained expression.

'You scared the living shit out of me man. What the fuck where you thinking?' Zayn's voice broke and Liam was quick to pat him on his lower back letting him know he was there for him. Louis looked down from Zayn's pained gaze, feeling ashamed at how he had hurt his friends.

'I'm sorry,' he said quietly. 'I wasn't thinking straight. I...I don't know what came over me and I never thought for one second that all this would happen. I'm so sorry.' Zayn leaned down and hugged Louis tightly.

'I love you man. Don't ever hurt yourself again.' Louis hugged him back.

It was a fucking accident. I didn't mean to, he wanted to say but it seemed like that they all had made their minds up that he had tried to commit suicide.

Drew cleared his throat, getting all of their attention. Once all their eyes were focused on him, he straightened up, ready to deliver his speech.

'Since we are all here let's make matters clear once and for all. What happened today will not, and I repeat, will not under any circumstances occur again. If there are any problems that you are dealing with, you come to me and we discuss them. The media has been take care of so the fans can rest assured that Mr. Tomlinson is fine and well and that the tour will proceed normally. We have given the doctors here NDA's to sign that what happened last night will in no way, form or matter be divulged to any third parties otherwise we will be in our right to sue to the hospital. We have their confidentiality. Mr. Horan, Mr. Payne, feel free to tweet something positive about this whole situation. Mr. Tomlinson, we expect a short but sweet tweet to your fans thanking them for their never ending support and that you are now doing much better. Later today, you will all be flying into Perth once Mr. Tomlinson is released. Mr. Styles, I understand you will be flying this morning with Mr. Azoff and your friends?' Harry looked up at Drew and nodded. Louis shot him a look.

What the fuck is Jeff still doing here? And Xander? Why were they still here?

'I trust we will not be having any more problems what so ever from you,' Drew told them, his eyes going from one to the other, finally settling on Liam and Zayn. 'We at Modest will not hesitate to make any changes within the band if we see that certain behavior will effect this tour or the future of the band. We will do whatever it takes and take whatever measures we deem necessary to ensure that everything runs smoothly and without problems. Do you have any questions?' No one answered him. They all just stood there silent. Drew smiled broadly at them.

'Excellent. I suggest you all go back to your hotel to get some rest and prepare for tonight's flight. Next show is in three days and I want you all in tip-top shape. Mr. Tomlinson, get better.' As Drew turned to leave, the door flew open and Eleanor rushed in.

'Louis,' she breathed as she rushed to his bed and flung herself at him. 'Oh my God you're awake and well. I was so worried' She hugged Louis tightly and he gently tapped her back.

'Its okay El. I'm fine.' Eleanor pulled back and cupped his cheeks in both her hands. She gently pressed her lips to his, kissing him softly. The air in the room stilled. All eyes went from Louis and Eleanor kissing to Harry, who sat crumpled in the chair. He looked away from them and let his eyes fall to the floor. Niall gently squeezed his shoulder. Louis pulled back from her and instinctively, his eyes went to Harry.

Fuck!

Eleanor's eyes followed Louis' line of vision were they rested on a pale, tired Harry.

'What is he doing here?' she spat at no one in particular. 'Why was he even allowed in here?'

'El!' Louis exclaimed. Eleanor put her hands on her hips and turned to Louis.

'What? Its his fault you are in here Lou!' she told him. Louis looked at her with wide eyes.

'It's not!' he snapped at her as he chanced a glance at Harry. It pained him to see him so defeated, sitting there, biting his lip trying so hard to control his emotions.

Fuck fuck fuck!

'Then who's fault is it that you tried to kill yourself Louis?' she asked him, her tone sharp. Louis took in a deep breath trying to calm the sea of emotions raginig inside him.

'It's no one's fault Eleanor alright. It was an accident,' Louis explained. Eleanor gaped at Louis, her eyes wide.

'An accident? Please Louis. You know damn well that he drove you to what you did. He won't let you be happy with me. He's after you....'

'Enough Eleanor!' Louis snapped, his voice gruff from the pain in his throat. 'If it's anyone's fault it's mine alright. I was stupid and acted irrationally. I just needed to....' Louis paused and looked down at this hands. He didn't want to say escape or forget because he knew that Harry was blaming himself for all of it and Louis felt lost because he didn't know what to say to convince him otherwise. Everyone in the room was silent, even Drew as he watched while Eleanor blamed Harry for Louis' failed suicide attempt.

Harry got up slowly off the chair. His legs felt shaky and stiff and he was afraid he might collapse. He needed to get out of here, to breathe and to sleep. Louis looked up at him.

'Harry....' he began by way of apologizing for Eleanor's outburst but Harry looked at him and gave him a small smile.

'It's okay Louis,' he told him softly. 'I have to go anyway. Jeff, Gemma, Xander, Glenne and I leave in 2 hours so I better go and get ready.' Louis nodded, swallowing the bitter taste of Harry being with Xander. Harry held his gaze for a moment longer. 'Be well yeah.'

'Thanks,' Louis whispered. There were so many things he wanted to tell Harry, one of them was not to leave but he knew better than to ask that of him. He watched as Harry slowly walked to the door and without a back ward glance he walked out. From what Harry had told him a while ago, Louis had realized a few things. Harry was blaming himself for all his shit. Harry was not leaving the band and had accepted to be his friend. But most of all he had realized, that Harry had given up on them and that he had finally let him go.

Louis was finding it hard to let that sink in. It was what he had wanted yet he found himself fighting against it, not wanting to accept that Harry had given up. Harry was not a quitter and Harry believed in fighting against all odds but Louis had left him to fight alone and Harry was fighting a battle he could never win. Louis felt his heart ache in his chest and all of a sudden he wanted to be alone, he wanted them all to leave so that he could cry.

 

Say I wouldn't care if you walked away,  
But every time you're there I'm begging you to stay,  
When you come close I just tremble  
And every time, every time you go,  
It's like a knife that cuts right through my soul

Only love can hurt like this.

 

SORRY FOR ANY MISTAKES ;)


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update for you guys. Enjoy! All the love, M.

Harry stirred and stretched in his king size bed. He opened his eyes slowly, blinking the sleep out of his eyes. He rolled on to his back and turned his head towards the other side of the bed, his hand stretching longingly for somebody that no longer occupied that side of the bed. He groaned and stretched again, rubbing his eyes. He sat up slowly and ran a hand through his messy long hair. He yawned and swung his legs out of the bed on to the carpeted floor. The digital clock on the bedside table read 10:15 a.m. He had slept for over fifteen hours. Fifteen blissful hours lost to the world and away from all the harrowing pain that was crippling him. He hardly remembered anything after leaving the hospital. Gemma, Jeff, Xander and Glenne had still been waiting for him when he had emerged from Louis' room, broken to his core. He remembered crying again and Xander holding him but everything felt like a surreal dream and just went through the motions of being moved, gently eased into a car, taken to the hotel so Gemma could pack his bag and collect his things, then driven to the airport, Xander never once letting him go. He had slept on the plane because sleep was the only relief that took him away from all the pain of his waking hours. Yes, he had resigned himself to a life without Louis as his partner and had accepted that he wouldn't be leaving One Direction because Louis needed him to be his friend and he simply couldn't deny him that. He wouldn't! He had promised Louis that he'd be his friend and today was the first day of him having to adjust to a his new role in Louis' life. Still, he couldn't help the pain in his heart and the immense feeling of loss that he felt. How could they be friends? Could they even be friends? After they had flown into Perth yesterday morning, he, Gemma, Xander, Glenne and Jeff had come straight to the hotel. Harry vaguely remembered being taken to his suite, dropping into bed and was glad when he had let sleep over take him again, pulling him under into unconsciousness and into a blissful escape where nothing hurt and nothing mattered. He was exhausted and had slept for over fifteen hours. And during the time that he slept, life didn't alter. Louis still belonged to him and he belonged to Louis.

Harry got up and walked towards the window. He opened the curtains and sunlight filled his room. He squinted his sleepy eyes in the harsh bright daylight. He stretched again, his bones and joints popping and cracking. He realized that he was just in his boxers, so someone had undressed him. He didn't care who but whoever it was, had been neat enough to fold his clothes and put them on a chair, his boots beneath the chair. He picked up his iPhone and turned it on. As soon as it was on, it starting pinging with messages. He had a few from his sister asking if he was still alive and that made him smile. He scrolled through the rest of his messages. A few from his mum asking if he was okay and how worried she was about him. A couple from Xander and Jeff. Harry sent his mum a quick text telling her he was alright and that he will call her later that day. A knock on his door made him throw his phone on his bed. He padded barefoot and in just his boxers to the door and opened it to find his sister out in the corridor.

'Oh look who's alive! Did you forget how to use a phone?' she asked him scowling at him as she walked past him into his suite. Harry smiled and closed the door.

'Sorry Gem I just woke up. I totally passed out.' Gemma sat on the couch.

'Yeah I figured that as much and please put on a pair of pants will you?' Harry giggled and went into his bedroom and pulled out a pair of shorts from his suitcase.

'I was going to text you after mum though,' Harry told her with a grin as he walked back into the lounge. Gemma looked at her brother trying to assess how he was actually feeling.

'I called her walnut. She was freaking out calling you and calling you and you were not picking up. She was on Twitter and saw....'

'Wait what?' Harry asked her stopping her mid sentence. Gemma took in a deep breath.

'When Louis was taken to hospital there were some paps and they took some pictures,' Gemma trailed off. She didn't need to explain further.

'Shit,' Harry said running his hands through his knotted hair. Gemma patted the empty space on the couch beside her indicating for Harry to sit down. He did so.

'Harry I didn't tell her what really happened. It's best if we leave them out of this. They don't need to know he tried to......' she paused not wanting to cause her brother unnecessary pain. It was still very fresh. 'Since they decided not to tell Jay what really happened, I figured we shouldn't tell mum either, you know since she and Jay are practically sisters. Jay called me too.'

'She did?' Harry asked her, his eyes wide. Gemma nodded.

'Yeah she kinda wanted to hear it from me that Louis is fine. I don't think she bought the whole shit story that dick made up but I have to agree with him on this one as much as I hate to. She kept crying and asking me if it was true that it was an allergic reaction and I said yes it was. And she was asking about you because apparently Drew told them that you had found him and Jay is very worried about you too. If she knew the truth it would kill her Harry. Louis is her baby boy. I had to lie.' Harry reached for his sister and hugged her tightly, stroking her long hair.

'You did the right thing Gem. The less people know about this, the better. Nobody should see Louis in a different light.' He kissed the top of her head and Gemma looked up at her brother.

'How was he?' she asked him. Harry shrugged.

'He...he's fine. Just a sore throat and stomach. To be expected,' he said, his eyes trained on the floor not wanting Gemma to see his pain. Gemma took a moment then asked him.

'Did you ask him why he did it?' Harry shrugged again.

'He said it was an accident, that he didn't mean to.' Gemma snorted.

'Is he fucking kidding or? Trying to kill yourself is not a bloody accident.' Harry sighed.

'Gem please can we not talk about it? Please?' Gemma nodded.

'Yeah sure of course. Lottie is flying in tomorrow. Jay wants Louis to have someone close to him and she knows how he and Lottie are the closest. Besides, she's going to be training with Lou for hair and make up.' Harry smiled at her glad for the change of topic. He didn't want to discuss Louis with anyone. He just wanted to keep him in his heart, quiet and still and forever his.

'That's good. Louis should have people who love him and support him around him right now.' Gemma wanted to ask Harry if he was ready to be his friend but she didn't want to go there just yet. She knew her brother and even if it killed him, he would be there for Louis in what form or way he was needed to be. She knew Harry was far from out of love for Louis. Louis was his world and the extent of Harry's love for him was infinite. 

'So you're not leaving anymore?' she asked him. Harry looked down at his fingers and played with his ring.

'No,' he told her in a soft voice. 'He needs me to be his friend and I have to be that for him.' Gemma found her opening.

'Are you ready though?' she asked him cautiously. Harry bit his lower lip as if thinking. He looked up at his sister.

'I don't really have a choice Gem. Louis and I are over and I kinda accepted that. I can and I will be his friend.' Gemma wasn't convinced that what he was saying was true but she chose to believe what her brother was saying. She squeezed his hand and smiled at him.

'You must be hungry,' she told him, changing the subject when she saw Harry's eyes dim. Harry loved how his sister always took care of him. He nodded. 'You go and have a shower. I'll call room service and order breakfast for you. I already had breakfast with Jeff, Xander and Glenne. And hurry up. You have your first session with your therapist in an hour.'

'I do?' Harry asked her surprised. Gemma rolled her eyes at him.

'Drew text you. Didn't you read it?' she asked him as she dialed the number to room service. Harry scratched the back of his neck.

'I sort of skip his messages,' he told her sheepishly, smirking at her. Gemma laughed and shook her head at him. Harry walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. He turned on the shower to hot and soon the room was full of steam. He removed his shorts and boxers and stepped under the hot water. He ducked his head under the shower head and relaxed as he felt the hot water cascade over him, relaxing his tensed muscles.

He took the shampoo and started lathering his hair and as he did so, he let his mind wander to Louis. He wondered if he was okay. If he had slept and rested. If he was feeling any better now knowing he wasn't going to leave One Direction and that they would be friends. He wondered if he was content now that he gets to be with Eleanor. Harry wondered if Louis missed him, if he missed what they had. He knew he couldn't afford to think these thoughts but his heart had to voice it's feelings too and his heart yearned for Louis even though his head told him he shouldn't. Harry closed his eyes and rinsed his hair out, running his fingers through his long curls getting rid of any suds. He sighed heavily. His heart still felt heavy like it weighed a ton and he still felt sad even though he knew he had made the right decision. He missed Louis but he knew he had done the right thing by him. He was going to fix everything until Louis was back to his usual self.

He washed himself quickly and when he was done he turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. He wrapped a towel around his waist and with another one he towel dried his hair. He threw the towel in the laundry hamper and walked out into his bedroom. He pulled on a pair of black Calvin Klein boxers and his black skinny jeans. He went to his bag and pulled out a white tee shirt and put it on. He ran a hand through his damp hair and decided to pull it up into his signature messy bun. He put on his cross necklace and then reached for his rings. He hesitated, his fingers hovering over the rings wondering if he should wear them especially the ring Louis had given him. He was torn. If he put them on especially the ring with the blue stone, Louis might think he was still holding on to hope. If he didn't, the fans would notice and he knew there would be a hash tag on why he wasn't wearing 'Louis' ring.' Harry smiled faintly at how they 'knew.' Harry decided not to stir the waters and he slipped on the ring leaving Louis' last. He held the ring between his thumb and index finger and looked at it. He remembered it was almost two years ago when he had given him this ring.

 

Flashback

 

Harry felt spent. He lay breathing heavily with his head on Louis' chest who was breathing as heavily as he was. He could hear his heart thumping in his chest against his ear. Harry pressed his ear closer, loving the sound of Louis' runaway heart. He could feel Louis' arm around him, his fingers lazily tracing sloppy circles on his arm. Harry loved the after sex daze they always fell into, that blissful, peaceful, spent out time where they lay there feeling light and happy as their bodies came down from their orgasms.

'That was mind blowing Haz,' Louis murmured lazily. Harry smiled.

'You weren't so bad yourself baby,' Harry complimented him. He didn't need to look at Louis to know that he was smirking like an idiot. His idiot.

'Happy anniversary love,' Louis told him, still running his fingers over Harry's skin.

'Happy anniversary,' Harry replied, his voice thick with emotions.

'Three years. Who would've thought?' Louis wondered out loud.

 

'We came a very long way haven't we? And there's more to come,' Harry told him, hugging him around the waist. Louis shifted and moved until Harry was off his chest and laying back on his pillow. Louis rested on his elbow and looked down into Harry's beautiful face, his cheeks flushed, his lips red from kissing and his green eyes glowing. Louis reached out and gently tucked a few curls behind Harry's ear.

'Haz I know it hasn't been easy and I can't promise it will get any easier but I want you to know that I am happy with you and I love you and I know in my heart that someday maybe when all of this is over and we are free, you're the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. The one I see myself growing old with.' Louis paused as he saw Harry's face break into a big smile, his dimples popping out.

'Mr.Tomlinson, are you proposing? Quite a cliche to propose when you just fucked my brains out. So romantic of you.' Louis laughed, the kind of laugh that Harry loved where his eyes crinkled at the sides.

'Shut up you dork,' Louis teased him and he ticked him in his ribs. Harry squirmed and laughed.

'Stop Lou,' Harry begged him. Louis leaned over and gently pressed his lips to Harry's, kissing him softly. When he pulled back, he gazed into his eyes, twirling a strand of his hair round his finger.

'You're the best thing that has ever happened to me Haz,' Louis told him quietly. Harry smiled at him and stroked his cheek.

'You are my best thing too Lou.' Louis nodded then reached over his bedside table and opened the drawer, pulling an item out of it. He turned to face Harry again.

'Well since you're my best thing and I'm your best thing, would you do met he honor of wearing my ring Harry Styles?' Harry's mouth dropped open as Louis opened the box and presented Harry with the most beautiful ring he had ever seen, its blue stone twinkling in the dim light.

'Louis I...I oh my God are you serious?' Harry asked him as he sat up, not taking his eyes off the ring. Louis sat up too feeling excited and nervous at the same time. What if Harry said no?

'Yeah...yeah I am baby,' Louis whispered. Harry threw his arms around Louis' neck and pulled him to his chest and buried his face in his neck.

'Oh my God Louis yes, of course yes. Oh my God,' Harry mumbled in his neck. Louis smiled.

'Are you crying Harold?' he asked him laughter in his voice. Harry pulled back and his eyes were glistening.

'Shut up. I'm emotional okay,' he told Louis, pouting and teary eyes. Louis chuckled as he reached over and gently wiped the tears away from Harry's beautiful eyes. Harry was so cute right now, stark naked, flushed, in tears and happy. Harry suddenly looked at him with wide eyes, a look of horror on his face.

'I...I didn't get you one though Lou. I...I...' Harry stammered beginning to panic.

'Hey hey,' Louis calmed him down. 'If you got me one I still couldn't wear it baby. Everyone would think I'm engaged to Eleanor if they saw a ring on my finger.'

'Oh,' Harry said his mouth a perfect little O. It hadn't occurred to him. Louis cupped his cheek, his thumb gently caressing his cheekbone.

'I wear you around my heart baby. It's where you are, in here,' Louis told him as he took Harry's hand and placed it over his own chest. 'Always in my heart Haz. Always.' Harry felt his eyes tear up again.

'Oh Lou,' Harry whispered as he wiped his eyes with the back of his freehand. Louis grinned at him.

'You're such a fucking sap. Here,' Louis told him, 'give me your hand.' Harry gave him his right hand and Louis slipped it on his fourth finger but Harry looked at him his smile slipping off his face. Louis noticed right away. 'What?' he asked him.

'I can't wear it there,' he told him quietly. 'Everyone will know.' Louis pressed his lips together. He knew Harry was right. Fucking management! Louis didn't want to spoil their anniversary. He took the ring off his fourth finger and placed it on his index finger. Louis smiled at him, hiding his anger for their stupid fucking management.

'There. How's that?' He watched as Harry's face broke into another blinding smile that beat any sunrise world over.

 

'Perfect,' Harry said happily.' Happy anniversary boo.' Louis couldn't contain the happiness inside of him. He knew they couldn't announce their love to the world or that they belonged to each other but he loved the fact that Harry will be wearing his ring and he will be showing it to the world unbeknownst to everyone what that ring symbolized. Well maybe not to their fans. Louis smiled inwardly. He knew that they will know. He knew they will put it out there. He looked at his happy boyfriend and moved his body on top of his. Harry spread his legs letting Louis get comfortable between his legs as he wrapped his long legs around his waist locking him in place. Louis smiled down at him.

'Happy anniversary love. Up for another round?' Harry giggled and pulled him in for a passionate kiss.

 

End of Flashback

 

Harry slipped the ring on his index finger where it belonged. He gently kissed the blue stone which reminded him of Louis' clear blue eyes.He felt a tear roll down his cheek but he quickly wiped it away and composed himself. Louis had not been disgusted then. He hadn't been drunk and drugged. How was he supposed to believe that Louis had been disgusted with him? But he had been! And he had been a damn good actor too. Harry knew that he had to move past this. He took in a few deep breaths to calm himself down, then he went out into the living room and found Gemma setting out breakfast on the dining table beside the balcony.

'You look well rested walnut,' she pointed out. 'Are you feeling better?'

'Yeah,' Harry told her quietly. He looked up at his sister his fingers finding the ring with the blue stone. 'How is he Gem?' Gemma poured him tea and handed him the cup as he took a chair at the table.

'He's okay Harry. I saw him yesterday when they arrived and he looked much better. He has a little color back in his cheeks.' Harry nodded taking a sip of his tea. Gemma placed a plate in front of Harry with pancakes and blueberries. 'Eat,' she told him. 'You need to get better too.' She sat down opposite him and watched her brother. She couldn't deny that all of this had taken a toll on him. He looked thinner and had lost a little color but she was hoping that the therapist would help him get back to himself. Harry picked up his fork and cut a piece of pancake, putting it in his mouth and chewing slowly. He swallowed and took another sip of tea.

'Have you seen the therapist Gem?' Harry asked her. He put his fork down and wiped his mouth with a napkin. Gemma eyed him, narrowing her eyes at him.

'No I haven't. I have no idea who he is. Now eat Harry. You will not leave this room until you eat those two pancakes and Drew was specific about you not being late.' She looked at her watch. 'You have exactly fifteen minutes until you have to go so I suggest you start eating walnut.' Harry smiled at her and shook his head, picking up his fork again. He loved his sister so much and he was glad that she was here. When Harry finished one pancake, he placed the fork down and pushed his plate away. Gemma cocked an eyebrow at him.

'Is that all?' she asked him. 'Really walnut, you need to eat more and lay off that bullet coffee you drink so much.' Harry finished his tea and put his cup down.

'Gem I drink that for energy. I do eat. It's just that lately I haven't had much of an appetite really.' Harry looked down at his hands and his fingers closed around his blue ring automatically. Gemma got up and stood before him. She leaned down and kissed the top of his head.

'All in good time walnut. You will be alright okay. We'll get through this too okay?' Harry hugged his sister's waist and Gemma wrapped her arms around his shoulders. She loved her brother so much and she would do anything in her power to not let him hurt anymore. She pulled out of the embrace and looked down at him.

'You really need to get going to the therapist Harry. If you're late, Drew will have a stroke.' Harry laughed and got up, towering over his sister.

'Do you by any chance know where I have to go?' he asked her innocently. Gemma shook her head and rolled her eyes at him.

'You need to check the messages that dipshit sends you. Suite 240. Just three doors down from you.' Harry looked at her surprised.

'He is on our floor?' Gemma nodded.

'Now get going walnut and open up to him yeah. He will make you better if you talk to him about it all. God knows what Modest is paying him to tour with you guys so make the best of it.' She gently pushed Harry out the door and walked with him till they were at suite 240. She looked up at Harry.

'Call me when you're done okay. Let me know how it goes.' She stood on tiptoes and kissed Harry's cheek. 'I love you.' Gemma left him standing there and walked to the elevator, giving him a small wave and two thumba up. Harry watched her as she got in and the doors closed behind her. He turned towards the door, took in a deep breath and knocked gently.


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again. Had some free time so I'm back with an update. In this chapter I am going to introduce two new characters. Val is my own invented character. I made her up. She is an original character of mine. I will also be introducing Shane McCutcheon. If you have seen the series The L Word then you know who she is. If not, look her up. I had a major crush on her so I found a way to insert her into this fic. Again, thanks for the comments and kudos and DM'S. If ever you wanna drop me a DM you can @50ShadesofMags. You can also follow my @DLarryLibrary for updates on chapters, new fics and other fics I read which are really good and worth a read. All the love, M

Harry shifted from foot to foot nervously as he waited for the door to be opened. His hands were sweaty and the butterflies in his stomach were making him feel sick. He didn't know why he felt nervous about seeing a therapist. Maybe it was because never in his life had he had the need to talk to a stranger about his feelings. He always had Louis for that and his sister and his mum. He had never been in such a delicate state before that he had required the help of a professional therapist. He heard the door being opened from the other side and he straightened himself up and tried not to fidget. The door opened and he found himself facing a woman. She smiled at him broadly, her face friendly.

'You must be Harry,' she told him in a friendly voice as she stepped aside. 'Please, come in.' Harry furrowed his brow feeling confused. So the therapist had a secretary who greeted his patients in a suite? Harry walked into the suite's living room that smelled of burning incense and scented candles and immediately felt himself relax. He turned to face the woman, who had closed the door and stood behind him still smiling up at him.

'Please sit down Harry. I am Valerie McCutcheon but everyone just calls me Val.' Harry sat down and looked at the woman. She was small like smaller than Louis,i maybe five feet one because she barely reached his. She had long black hair pulled up into a very rather messy bun on top of her head and a pair of black square framed glasses on her small nose. Harry wondered if she had even done her hair in a stylish messy bun or if it was her bed hair. It looked like her bed hair if he were to be honest! It was too messy. He made a mental note to tell Lou their stylist to look at her hair and maybe show her how a proper messy bun was made. She wore a pair of skinny black jeans ripped at the knees and a white Led Zeppelin tee-shirt with purple sleeves, a pair of black Chucks and purple socks. He figured she might be in her mid to late thirties. Both her arms were covered in ink and he could see tattoos on the side of her neck. She had an eyebrow piercing and a snake bite beneath her lip on the left side and when she spoke, Harry could see that her tongue was pierced too. She sat opposite Harry in a lazy chair, one leg curled up under her. She opened a black notebook and grabbed her pen.

Harry couldn't stop staring at her especially at the amount of ink on her arms, neck and fingers. She had more tattoos than he did! Hell, she had more tattoos than the five of them combined together. Val was still smiling at him as she watched him watch her, his eyes moving all over her. She cleared her throat getting Harry's attention. He looked up startled, his cheeks going pink. She had caught him staring.

'So Harry, what can I do for you today?' she asked him in her soft voice. Harry frowned at her in confusion.

'Are you the therapist?' he asked her not masking the surprise in his voice. She laughed loudly and when she laughed Harry thought she looked like an elf or pixie.

'Guilty,' she admitted. She looked at him with an open, relaxed, easy expression. Harry gave her a small smile.

'You don't look like a therapist,' he told her sincerely.

'And you don't look like a pop star,' she retorted. Harry laughed.

'Fair enough,' he told her. 'That's a lot of ink you have there.' Val out stretched out her arms towards him and looked at them proudly.

'My life in design,' she told him. Harry leaned forward in his seat to take a closer look at her outstretched arms. He could see names and dates and faces and band names and band logos on her arms.

'That's truly amazing,' Harry told her impressed, not hiding the awe in his voice. 

'I have more but they are hidden,' she told him giving him a wink. Harry sat back in his seat, crossed one knee over the other and looked at Val. 

'So you are a touring therapist?' he asked her curiously

'I'm the therapist of famous people so yeah I do tour when I'm required to work with touring bands or pop stars as in your case,' she explained to Harry.

'Wow,' Harry exclaimed. 'Who have you worked with?' Val smiled at his enthusiasm. She looked up at the ceiling and tapped her chin with her pen as if she was thinking.

'Well I've worked with a lot. From Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne to Joan Jett to Justin Beiber to Taylor Swift to Miley Cyrus to Tom Cruise and Tom Hardy to Little Mix. You name them!'

'Wow!' Harry exclaimed again. He narrowed his eyes at Val. 'Taylor? Really?' Val laughed loudly again, finding his amazement cute and funny but she got that a lot and was used to it.

'So Harry,' Val told him casually, avoiding any topic directed towards one of her people, 'how can I fix you?' Harry blinked at her a couple of times not really getting what she was asking.

'I'm not broken,' he told her quietly, the smile slipping off his face. Val smiled at him sympathetically.

'I beg to differ,' she told him calmly. 'If I'm here it means that something has broken you and I have been called here to help fix you. So you want to tell me your story Harry?' Harry kept his eyes on her clearly surprised by her words. He suddenly felt uncomfortable here and he squirmed in his seat. He didn't know this woman. He couldn't just talk to her and tell her everything! He couldn't talk about what was killing him with her! Val noticed his awkwardness and she sighed. She put her leg down and placed the notebook and pen on the glass coffee table that was between them and leaned forward in her chair.

'Harry you are safe here,' she told him in a quiet yet firm voice, trying her best to reassure him. 'Whatever you say in this room will remain in here. It won't leave these four walls. You can trust me. Let me help you. Whatever it is, I can help you make it better. You just have to trust me okay. These sessions are private. Like I told you, I have worked with a lot of famous people. It's my job to help them handle their stressful lives and the problems they meet along the way whether the problems are related to their careers or personal lives. I know the privacy these people, people like you need and I keep it. I must admit that when I got a call from your management asking for my services with One Direction, I was like One who?' She laughed, her eyes crinkling behind her glasses. Harry looked at her baffled.

'You've never heard of us?' he asked her a little shocked.

'I don't mean to hurt your ego or anything, I'm sure you're pretty good at what you do but I'm not into main stream music of today. I'm into oldies. 70's rock bands. Fleetwood, Stevie, Bowie, Jagger, Bolan, Zeppelin, Floyd, the Beatles, Queen, British rock, a little punk, a little indie, acoustic bands. That kinda gal. I have to admit I have never heard your music or seen you live so please forgive me for that.' Harry pursed his lips looking at her a little skeptically because who had never heard of them?Apparently this impish, short, tattooed woman who was his therapist!

'Have you been living under a rock for the past five years or?' he asked her coyly. 'Not that I mean to push my ego into your face or anything.' He smirked at her and Val burst out laughing again.

'I admit, sometimes I can be quite detached from this century,' she admitted. 'Most music of today doesn't make much sense to me not that I'm dissing you or your band or music or anything. Like I said, I haven't heard you yet.'

'I'm sure that when you do, you will change your mind about us,' Harry told her smiling at her.

'Opps someone's ego has been bruised,' Val joked with him and Harry laughed. Val looked at him closely and even though he was laughing and joking she could see that there was a piece of his soul missing. She watched him quiet down, the smile slipping off his face, look down at his lap and fidget with his fingers especially with the ring with the blue stone.This boy was troubled! 'Would you like a cup of tea or coffee Harry?' she asked him gently, wanting to put him at ease. Harry looked up at her, his green eyes meeting hers.

'Tea please,' he told her. Val got up and went to the little kitchenette and started to make tea.

'You know,' Harry told her from his seat on the couch, ' you could've easily googled us. I'm sure something would've popped up.' Val giggled.

'True but I didn't want any ideas in my head about your characters. Yes, you are a famous pop band but beneath all the fame and stardom, you are still normal people with much bigger problems on your plate than the average normal people have.'

'How did you even get into this job?' Harry asked her curiously. Val smiled at him as she handed him his tea and sat back down opposite him, wrapping her hands around her own mug of tea.

'Well, when I was younger I was a groupie,' she told him in a whisper like she was divulging him in a big secret.

'No!' Harry exclaimed with mock surprise and wide eyes. Val nodded still smiling. His face right now was priceless. She could tell right away that Harry was a very down to earth person and that success had not altered him much.

'I quit school with my girlfriend and we became fully fledged groupies,' Val told him proudly. Harry raised an eyebrow.

'Your girlfriend?' Harry asked her intrigued. Val smiled and Harry immediately noticed that it was a different kind of smile than the ones she had been giving him up to now. This was a fond smile, a smile of love that came from the heart, the kind of smile he had given Louis countless times. He saw her cheeks turn pink and Harry felt a stab of jealousy right in the core of his heart because this woman was loved and in love.

'Yeah Shane. She's the love of my life. We've been together since sixth form. Shane moved to Hampstead from the USA and was new to my college. I come from Hampstead and it was love at first glance. We have been together since and we got married three years ago and we have an 18 month old boy called Adam.' Val took a framed photo from behind her and handed it to Harry. Harry took it and looked at the two smiling women, holding their baby son. Again Harry felt that pang in his heart of longing, of jealousy but not actual jealousy, just the longing to want what these two have because what they had was what he and Louis had wanted, had planned but now he he couldn't have with Louis. He swallowed thickly.

'You have a very lovely family,' he told her, his voice hoarse from the knot lodged in his throat. He blinked rapidly trying to blink away the tears that had gathered in his eyes still looking at the photo. They had the life that he had always dreamed of having with Louis; to marry Louis and have a family with him. They were living his dream and it hurt him down to the core that what was so natural to these two women was so forbidden to him and Louis. He looked at Val hoping he was giving none of his grief away. 'You're lucky to have adopted such a lovely little boy and one who looks very much like the two of you come to think of it.' Val gave him a warm smile.

'He's not adopted. He's ours. I gave birth to him.' Harry's mouth opened then closed again, his brows furrowed, a look of confusion crossing his face. Val took a sip of her tea, her eyes on Harry. 'We had a donor,' she explained to Harry. 'Shane's twin brother Derek was our donor because Shane wanted the baby to have her DNA since I was going to carry it and give birth to it so he'd be really really ours. Derek gave up all paternal rights and he's just uncle Derek to Adam.'

'Wow.' Harry breathed, 'that's amazing? How do you manage to leave them behind you since you travel so much?'

'I don't. They will arrive later today. Shane tries to come with me as much as she can and brings Adam too. I'd miss them too much if I left them back in London. Shane is a physiotherapist and physical trainer. She caters for people who tour as well so we're like in the same line of work. I believe she will be working with you on this tour.'

'Really?' Harry asked her intrigued. 'I didn't know that our personal trainer was to be changed.'

'Shane will work you hard,' Val told him giggling.' She's unforgiving. A health freak. She works out at the gym five days a week.

'We need it,' Harry told her smiling. 'You haven't told me how you actually got into this job though,' Harry asked her. Val smirked at him.

'Checking my credentials are you?' she asked him but when she saw Harry's face go serious, she laughed. 'Hey I'm kidding. Like I said we dropped out of college to follow bands around. At first it was around England then we ventured round Europe then back to USA. We traveled and followed our favorite rock bands, going to gigs and concerts, sleeping in tents and falling in love. Then Kurt Cobain killed himself. I was devastated as Nirvana was one of my favorite bands. We had just seen them live a few weeks before in Nevada. I was gutted and I wanted to know why he did it. What had driven him to shoot himself? He was famous, loved, adored, followed, rich, he had a family. He had it all yet he chose to end his life. I became obsessed to know. Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, River Phoenix, Sid Vicious, Bon Scott from AC/DC, Ian Curtis from Joy Division, Steve Clark from Def Leppard, Mike Starr from Alice in Chains, Bob Welch from Fleetwood Mac, Jimmy The Rev Sullivan from Avenged Sevenfold, all legends killing themselves or "accidentally dying due to alcohol and overdose." I wanted to know why they were doing this to themselves. What was it that drove them over the edge? Why were they so depressed that they found no other way but to kill themselves? I wanted to help them, save them and meet them. My heroes.' Val paused, took in a deep breath and adjusted her glasses on her nose. Harry wanted to fix her messy bun.

'So yeah we moved back to London I went back to Uni and I studied hard and graduated with honors, first in my class. Now I'm officially the therapist that tours and helps the artists that need it.' Harry looked down at his tea and chewed on his bottom lip. Val studied him and she could tell he had a weight on his shoulders that was too heavy for him to carry. She had become an expert over the years at reading people especially their body language. She knew some were hard to open up and start talking. She placed her empty mug on the coffee table and sat on the edge of her seat, leaning closer to Harry.

'Harry,' she told him gently, 'are we here to talk about me? We can if it helps you get comfortable with me and trust me. I can sit here and answer all your questions about my life but I know that look in your eyes. I've seen it before. You are hurting. Something is hurting you deeply so please let me help you. I am at your service.' Harry looked at her, at her light grey eyes behind her black framed glasses and he knew he could trust her. He had to. She would understand and help him and he needed that. He needed someone to tell him that it will be alright, that Louis will be fine and won't try to kill himself again. That thought alone terrorized him. He took a sip of tea.

'A few days ago...my friend...he...he uhm almost accidentally killed himself.' The words hurt his throat as they made their way out of his mouth. He looked away from Val when he felt the tears sting his eyes. Val took in a sharp breath.

God not another one, she thought to herself. They are still kids!

'Is he another band member Harry?' she asked him gently. Harry nodded, not trusting himself to speak. 'Which one?' Val asked him as she scanned the list of the other four names of One Direction in her notebook.

'Louis,' Harry said quietly, almost in a reverent whisper. 'I found him. In my hotel room. In my bed. He was drunk and swallowed all my painkillers.' Val shivered internally, horror gripping her heart like a vice. 

Fuck no! No!

Val stared at Harry who sat in front of her, visibly broken and traumatized. He was shaking and trying hard not to cry and she couldn't fault him for being broken. She knew what that felt like!

'I...I found him just in time,' he croaked out, his voice breaking. 'If I hadn't...if I had come later....' he gulped and wiped his eyes with the back of hand. Val took in a deep, shaky breath.

'Louis is very lucky. Thanks to you he's here today. That must've been hard for you to find him like that. How do you feel about it?' Harry kept his eyes cast down.

'I have nightmares. The doctors said I found him just in time. If I had been a little late...he...he would've...it's all my fault that he...he nearly..... ' his voice trailed off, as he continued to stare into his tea.

'What are your nightmares about Harry?' Val asked him. Harry took in a shuddering breath that rattled his lungs.

'That he...that I'm late coming back to my hotel room and he...he's dead...in my arms and no matter how hard I shake him and beg him to wake up, just won't wake up. He's cold and his lips are purple and so lifeless in my arms. That's when I wake up screaming.' Val scrutinized Harry as he sat there looking small and shaking.

'Harry, why do you feel like it's your fault that your friend tried to kill himself?' she asked him gently, treading cautiously.

'I don't know,' Harry replied quietly, shrugging his shoulders.

'Are you and Louis close?' Val asked him. She had to tread carefully here. Harry bit down on his lip and said nothing. He just clutched his mug tightly. Val could see that he was reluctant to talk.

'Harry you are safe here. You are safe with me. This is your safe place to unburden your load. I can't help you if you don't let me in.' She watched as Harry slowly lifted his head and his green eyes met her's.

'He's the love of my life,' he whispered. Val sighed inwardly. Dear God another one! She got up off her chair and sat down next to Harry, looking at him sideways.

'I thought so,' she told him. 'It was all over your face when you mentioned him.' He looked at her and chuckled humorlessly, sniffing .

'Am I that obvious?' he asked her. Val smiled.

'You are,' she admitted. Harry shook his head slightly. He knew he was never very good at hiding his feelings and that he wore his heart out on his sleeve but not this much. He thought to himself that no wonder fans caught everything. He shouldn't have been surprised at all that at their past few shows there had been multiple signs in the crowd like 'Let Larry Be', 'Give Larry A Chonce', 'Keep Fighting', 'Don't Give Up', 'Larry We Love You No Matter What', 'It's Alright If He Makes You Strong' and one that even said 'Modest You Suck The Love.' Harry smiled inwardly feeling awfully proud of their fans for actually seeing what was being hidden. After each show he loved to go on Twitter to see what tweets they were tweeting about "what is going on with Louis and Harry?"and "they don't look happy" and "why don't they just let them be together already?" When he read these, Harry felt like he wanted to personally hug each and everyone of their fans.

Unfortunately, there had also been a few hurtful tweets from what their Larries called "the antis." Harry smiled inwardly again. He tried to ignore the ones that said they 'hated him for existing' and that 'God hates Gays' and 'Gay is Not OK,' and 'go kill yourselves faggots.' They hurt yes but Harry always tried not to let it get to him as the positive support towards them surely out did the negative but it hurt nonetheless and it was the negatives that Louis always saw and which had led the love they once shared to tear them apart.

'Earth to Harry.' Harry turned to look at Val who brought him back out of his own mind.

'Sorry,' he apologized, 'I tend to get lost in my thoughts.'

'It's okay. Where did your mind take you Harry?' Harry shrugged. Even if he told her she probably wouldn't understand their messed up situation. 'Harry do you think Louis tried to kill himself because of you or something you did perhaps?' Harry shrugged again but remained silent. Val shifted in her seat.

'Harry you have to give me some more here. Did Louis know that you loved him?' Harry turned to look at her, his eyes sad and gave her a weak smile.

'We were in a five year relationship up to a few weeks ago,' he told her quietly.

'Woah!' Val told him, clearly caught off guard. 'Come again?' Harry nodded.

'Yeah. Five long beautiful years. They were not easy and the stress was too much but it was worth it up until a few weeks ago when he left me. He said he wanted to be normal and be with his girlfriend and that he wasn't gay.' Val looked at him confused.

'He has a girlfriend and he was with you for five whole years?' Val asked. Harry nodded and sighed deeply.

'She was his beard. Modest employed her to be with Louis so no one will know about us. Louis always struggled with his sexuality. He's told me that he's not gay many times. It's complicated Val. Very complicated.' Val smirked at him.

'Good thing I do complicated then Harry. Start from the beginning.' Harry looked at her and smiled.

'It started five years ago when we auditioned for the X Factor. I was 16 and Louis was 18 and I accidentally peed on him...............'

Thirty minutes later, Val sat looking at Harry wide eyed and taking in all that he had told her. She was trying to take it all in, bit by bit, detail by detail, her anger at their management churning in her stomach.

'That's some story Harry. Your management sucks pardon my french.' Harry shrugged.

'We knew what we were getting into when we signed those contracts. What we didn't know was that Louis and I would fall in love. I thought it was just a crush. I was very infatuated with Louis from the beginning, the moment I laid eyes on him I knew he was special. I looked up to him and those days when I was homesick and missed my mum, he was my home. He was my light in the dark and he made me feel safe and protected. By the time we realized we were in love with each other, management turned me into a whoring womanizer and slapped Eleanor on Louis and made us stay away from each other or we would be facing breaches of contracts that would lead to lawsuits and such. We tried to be together but it was taking a toll on both of us especially Louis. He started to get frustrated, he'd lash out at them and fight them but we knew we couldn't be free. The only way to be free was to end One Direction but there was never a choice. Our contracts bind us to them. They own us. Then on the other hand, Louis always insisted that he wasn't gay and would never come out. So.....' Val seemed to be lost in thought. When she spoke, her teeth where ground together so tight that he jaw bones stood out from beneath her pale skin

'They had no right to do what they did. They have no right to keep you closeted. You have every right to be free.' Harry chuckled.

'Not according to their contract. We want to change management though and we already have someone in mind but there's still a year and two months left with Modest. I just wish Louis could've hung on a little longer but then again I can't blame him. He never wanted to be....what he is. I made him like that. I drove him to drink and do drugs because he couldn't stand to be with me. Louis is not gay. I am. And I can never come out. It would expose him and I can't do that to him.'

'Harry no, no what are you saying? None of this is your fault. Nobody makes anybody gay! You can't put the blame on you here.' Harry looked at her with sad eyes.

'But it is. He told me and Eleanor too and his friend Calvin said so too and I was too blindly in love with him to see that he was hurting and wanted none of it. I'm too selfish where he is concerned. ' Val turned further in her seat to face Harry. He didn't really believe that he had made Louis gay did he and that he tried to kill himself because of him? If he did, this boy was really fucked up. 

'Harry listen to me. Louis could've backed out of this relationship anytime he wanted. You didn't keep him hostage so there was no Stockholm Syndrome here alright. It was his choice to get into a relationship with you. He took that chance on a same sex relationship. He fell in love with you too so no, you did not make him gay.' Harry bit his lip.

'Maybe at first he was okay with it. Maybe because I was 16 and he was 18 he felt like he had to take care of me and maybe he felt like he couldn't let me go for some reason or other but Louis is not gay and I made him gay. I ruined his life.' Val ran a hand over her already messy hair and pushed her glasses further up her nose. She couldn't let him think like this. It was fucked up!

'No one is ever in a relationship out of obligation Harry. And from all that you told me, Louis loved you and I bet my two cents he still does but he's confused about so many problems he is facing, the biggest one being accepting his sexuality. We will make this better Harry. I promise.' Harry shook his head.

'We can't Val. They will never allow it.'

'Harry management can put restrictions in contracts and make you sign NDA's which I am guessing you did but there are always ways to fight back. Only you and Louis can put restrictions on yourselves. If Louis chose to end this relationship, it was his choice alone and no one of it reflects back on you. Management can't force you into anything, contract or no contract. From all that you told me, Louis fought for your relationship so I'm not really buying into his actions.It's very confusing. I need to talk to him first though but right now we need to stop you feeling guilty about what Louis did because trust me Harry, none of it is in any way or form your fault okay. I will help you and Louis. I promise.' Harry looked at her and flashed her his dimpled smile.

'Okay tiny famous people therapist.' Val was surprised when he leaned across the couch and engulfed her a bear hug, his bigger frame swallowing her whole. Val wrapped her arms around him and hugged him back. Val smiled because she had taken a liking to Harry right away. He pulled back and looked at her. 'So what's next?' he asked her.

'First we need to make you feel better. We need to keep you functioning. I am going to prescribe you something light to help you sleep and not have nightmares okay. I need you well rested so you will be focused to do your job and also concentrate on yourself. I can't have you mentally and emotionally all over the place alright.' Harry nodded as she scribbled down something on her pad. She tore the paper off and gave it to him Harry looked down at it. Amirol 10 mg. He made a mental note to keep them away from Louis and he internally chuckled when he thought about the warning on medications to keep away from children! 'Get one of your people to get you these okay and start them off tonight. Take two tablets before bed. They will help you relax and sleep soundly which you clearly need. If you get any nightmares talk to me right away. You have my number there and I'm just three doors down from you.' Before Harry could reply, a knock on the door interrupted him. Val smiled.

'That must be Louis. He's my next appointment.' She saw Harry instantly tense, his face go pale and shift into nervous mode. She reached out and placed her hand over his large ones. 'Relax alright. Be his friend. It's what he told you he needs right now right?' Harry nodded and bit his lip.

'Don't uhm...tell him that I uhm....said things......'

'Harry I don't discuss my people with people though you two are two sides of the same problem but I promise I won't tell him anything okay. You can trust me.' Harry let out a breath and nodded, then got up and together with Val they walked to the door.

 

To be continued......

 

 

.


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the weekend and that means multiple updates of Outing Larry! After a very stressful few days, some relaxing time writing. Wishing you all a happy weekend and hope you enjoy the updates. All the love, M.

When you try your best, but you don't succeed

When you get what you want, but not what you need

When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone, but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones 

And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below

When you're too in love to let it go

But if you never try you'll never know

Just what you're worth 

 

Harry stood beside Val as she put her hand on the door knob to open open the door. She threw a look at Harry who was visibly shaking beside her, chewing on his bottom lip and fidgeting with his fingers.

'Hey, calm down okay. It's alright. You are trying to be his friend so act like it. Remember it's what he needs you to be right now, a friend. Don't make me give you anxiety tablets Harry. I don't like giving those out but I will if the need arises. Calm down. Deep breaths, long exhale. It's just Louis.' Harry took in a few deep breaths and chuckled nervously.

'Just Louis,' he repeated to himself. 'Yeah just Louis. And I'm his friend. It's just Louis. You can do this.' Val gave him a reassuring wink, counted to three and opened the door. She found herself face to face with Louis Tomlinson, in his skinny black jeans, white Black Sabbath tee shirt, messy feathery hair, facial hair and the most lovely pair of blue eyes she had ever seen. They stared at each other, Val assessing him and Louis assessing her back through guarded eyes.

'Louis I'm guessing?' Val asked him, smiling at him. Louis cocked his head to the side.

'Are you the therapist?' he asked her a, his surprise at seeing her not lost on Val. She laughed at his expression.

'Yeah come on in. Cool tee shirt by the way. Ozzy is very cool but crazy as fuck.' She opened the door wider and Louis stepped inside only to stop short when he saw Harry. His eyes widened a little in shocked surprise. He wasn't expecting to see Harry.

'H-hey,' Harry stammered, keeping his eyes down on his fidgeting fingers. Val pressed her lips together keeping herself from not smiling fondly.

God he's a nervous wreck in love!

'Hey,' Louis replied, his eyes taking in Harry, assessing him. Val looked from one to the other gauging the situation enfolding in front of her. Harry was clearly whipped and Louis.....Louis was over controlling himself. He was tense. So very tense. And Awkward! Harry shifted from one foot to the other and Louis cleared his throat. They were both very at ill in each other's presence. Val decided to put them out of their uncomfortable misery.

'Harry was just leaving,' she addressed Louis who only nodded once at her statement. He looked away from Harry and trained his eyes on his Vans. Harry looked down at Val, who only came up to his shoulder.

'Well I-I'll get g-going. Thank you Val. Come to rehearsals with Shane and Adam yeah when they g-get here. We're doing sound check later in the afternoon.' Val nodded at him, giving him a broad smile.

'Sure thing Harry. Cheers for the invite.' Harry looked at Louis one more time and Val could swear he had heart eyes. The way he looked at him so tenderly and fondly with longing made her heart ache.

'B-bye Louis,' Harry said quietly.

'Yeah see ya,' Louis told him in a low voice, not making eye contact. Harry walked out and Val closed the door behind him. She took in a deep breath relieved. The tension between these two could be cut with a knife. She turned to Louis and gave him a friendly smile.

'Please make yourself comfortable,' she told him as she showed him the way into her living room. Louis sat down in the exact spot Harry had vacated just a few minutes before. 'Can I get you a tea or coffee?' Val asked him.

'Tea would be fine thanks,' Louis told her. Val smiled at him again but Louis didn't smile back. He seemed to be mentally a million miles away from the present moment. Val pursed her lips and busied herself making tea. She threw another look at Louis and she realized he looked very tense and withdrawn. He was going to be harder to crack than Harry. Val knew his type. He was the type to lock himself away and try to make everyone believe he was okay and that everything was fine but Val was used to the likes of him. He had tried to kill himself. Her heart went out to him and if it took all she had, she knew she would reach deep into the core of him, no matter how many walls he built around him and no matter how many doors he locked her out of, Val would break through all of them to get to him. Val saw him look at the photo on the table where Harry had put the framed picture of her family. She placed a mug of tea in front of Louis and she sat down in the armchair opposite him, nursing a fresh cup of tea herself.

'That's my family,' she told him starting up a conversation. 'My wife Shane and our son Adam.' Instantly Louis' head went up and he locked eyes with Val. She saw a slight blush spread out on his cheeks.

'You're married to a woman?' he asked her unable to hide his surprise. Val had to laugh at his innocent question. She had to keep it in her mind that this person in front of her was confused about his sexuality and struggled with it. She had to help him, show him that there was nothing wrong with being gay and ease him gently into coming to terms with his sexuality.

'Yeah. To be honest with you, I never thought of myself as a lesbian until I met Shane and she made me question my sexuality every minute of every day. I have never once regretted one minute of it though.' She watched Louis' face carefully, how his eyes left her's and focused on the photo again, a million unasked questions shadowing his features and sadness clouding his eyes.

Ask me Louis. Ask away, she thought to herself.

'You really don't fit a therapist description. Do I call you Dr or?' Louis told her, resting his back against the couch, crossing an ankle over his knee. He was smart, Val realized. He changed the subject. Smart. Going for avoidance. She smiled at him.

'Val would be fine. I don't like labels!' she told him. She saw him purse his lips and slightly arch an eyebrow as if mentally contradicting her statement. 'Louis, people are just people. They don't have to fit any expectations set up by others. People shouldn't stereotype. Just because I am married to a woman and I'm tattooed and pierced and I see my people wearing my rock band tee shirts in a hotel suite or tour bus, doesn't make me any less a therapist or any less qualified in my field of expertise than a therapist that wears a suit, sees their patients in a office and calls themselves Dr. Psychiatrist. I prefer to call myself a therapist and my patients my people. I happen to be a little different but being different isn't always a bad thing. Diversity is what makes us interesting. Labeling people is just not my thing.' Louis looked down at his lap and rubbed his hands together.

'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...' Val waved at hand at him dismissively.

'Don't worry about it. I get that a lot you know. People sometimes expect people to live up to the expectations that they have in their head of what is acceptable and what is not. That is wrong and no one should have to live up to anyone's expectations but their own.' Val watched as Louis fidgeted with his fingers, much like Harry had done but he was different from Harry. He was somewhere far away, in a world of his own where no one could reach him, or so he thought. He didn't ask much questions and when he did, he gave them a lot of thought before asking them. Not like Harry. Harry was spontaneous. Louis looked worried and he smelled strongly of beer. Val took a sip of her tea, letting the silence stretch out a little longer hoping he would ask a question or two but he didn't.

'Louis,' she finally said, making Louis looked up at her. 'I am going to tell you the same thing I told Harry. You are safe here. You can trust me and whatever we say in here, stays in here okay?' Louis nodded. He chewed the inside of his cheek pensively.

'Can I ask you something?' he asked her tentatively

'Sure,' Val replied with ease, 'it's what I'm here for.' Louis seemed to be choosing his words carefully.

'If you knew you weren't a lesbian why did you marry a woman?' Val smiled inwardly. Louis was asking her a question reflecting his own worries. He wanted to know why he had a five year relationship with Harry since he didn't consider himself gay! Val knew she needed to make him realize that this was okay, that he shouldn't feel any pressure about it, that it was not bad!

'Well Louis, the heart loves who it loves and wants what it wants. The heart knows no gender, race or religion. Love is just love regardless if the person you love is of the same sex as you. We just fall in love with that person's being, their essence, their soul. Sexuality is fluid, it's not set in stone. I fell in love with Shane regardless that she is a woman like me. Yeah people might label me as a lesbian but I'm not necessarily a lesbian. I don't hit on all girls, never have and never will. It's just Shane. I fell in love with HER! It happened.' Louis nodded but remained silent. She could tell that he was thinking up the next question and processing what she had just told him. He wasn't as forward or as warm as Harry, but then again he was the one who tried to kill himself and there was a reason for his attempt and her job was to find it and help him heal.

As he sat there thinking, Val noticed how different he and Harry were. Harry was warm and all smiles and she could tell that Harry was a kind lovable person who loved to hug and be hugged and even though he was hurting, he had a smile at the ready. Harry was not afraid to be vulnerable, to cry, to open his heart and let it bleed out all over you. She could tell that Louis was colder, closed off and distant but she didn't know him well yet. From what Harry had told her, Louis was a prankster and was loud and a happy person but at the moment the person sat in front of her was closed off and scared, nervous and a suicide case. She needed to reach him, bring back out the loud, bubbly, happy Louis that Harry had told her about. She was afraid that if she didn't reach him in time, this pain he was harboring and that was festering and growing inside him, would make him hard and bitter and he'd lose himself. He cleared his throat.

'How did you come out?' he asked her. 'Weren't you worried about what anyone would think of you?' Val smiled to herself again. There was the million dollar question! She had to be careful here. She had to pave the way for him as smoothly as possible.

'Of course I worried. Shane was never closeted and I never had a reason to since I considered myself straight. I never thought of myself as ever being with a woman. But when I realized that I was truly in love with her, nothing else mattered to be honest. If anyone had a problem with it, it was their problem not mine. It was their's alone and I would not carry the burden of it. I had to follow my heart and my heart was in Shane. I just saw her and she was what I wanted, where I wanted to be. She was my home, my safety. I was a bit worried about how my family would take it but they were awesome about it and really they were the only people who's opinion of me mattered. Once they accepted my decision, I was free to be with my Shane. Mind you, even if they didn't accept me, I would have never given up Shane, not even for my family.' Louis took a sip of his tea but said nothing. Val noticed how sad he looked, the dark circles under his eyes indicating fatigue and lack of sleep, his unkempt hair, the way he fidgeted.

'Louis,' Val finally said when she saw that he was miles away in his thoughts again. 'How can I help you?' He looked up at her, his blue eyes guarded again.

'I doubt you can,' he told her softly.

'Try me,' she challenged him. Louis kept his gaze on her. She could see the doubt in his clear blue eyes. 'You can trust me,' she reassured him. 'Nothing you tell me will leave this suite. Whatever it is.' Louis sighed heavily.

'I accidentally nearly killed myself. Harry found me.' Val studied him. He was detached from his words, like he was functioning on autopilot. She could feel the pain behind his words, not the suicide part but the fact that Harry had found him.

'Accidentally?' Val asked him, raising an eyebrow at him. Louis rolled his eyes.

'Yeah accidentally. It was an accident but no one seems to believe that,' he told her, a little bit too snappy. Good. He was showing some emotion.

'How was it an accident?' Val prodded.

'I was drinking and I accidentally took a few too many of Harry's painkillers. I never thought it would happen.' Val wasn't buying into it. She knew he was hiding things and bending the truth. He was not even admitting it to himself!

'You know,' she told him calmly, 'Jimmy Sullivan, better known as The Rev, drummer of Avenged Sevenfold, he "accidentally" killed himself. He was drunk and downed a few anti anxiety tablets. He drank so much and he had anxiety. After he died, I was called in to help his band mates deal with his suicide because they were devastated. Their grief was heartbreaking to watch. The bond they had between them, broken like that over an accident. So Louis, I know an "accidental" suicide from an "attempted" suicide. People who commit suicide are often called selfish and cowards because they took the easy way out instead of fighting through their problems but that's not always the case. When people commit suicide it's because they are tired of fighting a losing battle. They are too scared and too tired and too lost to face life and what's hurting them. They simply want it to stop so they out themselves! They give in to the pressures of their darkness and yeah take the easy way out not really caring about the people they leave behind, how suicide effects those people close to them. Those they leave behind are effected badly by someone they love committing suicide. They end up questioning themselves. How did I not see his pain? Why didn't he talk to me? How could I have helped him more? Those questions eat away at the people left behind, making them feel guilty and taking the blame for the person's suicide. It changes them. It gives them a hurt that they can never get over because they feel like they could've done more for that person and avoided them killing themselves. They are left emotionally scarred. Harry found you in the nick of time and he's scarred. Now Louis, tell me why you wanted to kill yourself? What's hurting you? Let me into your darkness. You're young, beautiful, famous, you have friends, family, millions of fans who adore you, money. You have it all. The world in your hands and you're young to live it. Why?' Louis kept his eyes focused on the carpet beneath his feet.

'It doesn't matter. None of it does,' he told her quietly, his voice emotionless.

'Why doesn't it matter? You matter. Your life matters. So again I ask you, why did you try to kill yourself?' Val asked him again. This time Louis looked at her and Val felt for him. The sadness and pain in his eyes went bone deep.

'What does any of it matter, the fame, the money, the success and achievements when you can't have what really matters?'

'And what is it that matters to you Louis? What is it that you need to complete your life? What are you missing?' She watched him chew his lip nervously.

'It doesn't matter now,' he told her again, his voice a mere whisper. 'I screwed up. I screwed up everything. I....I damaged him.' Val pursed her lips.

'Harry?' she asked him tentatively. At the mention of his name, she saw a tiny glint in his eyes, a spark. He pressed his lips together and didn't say anything. 'Louis it's alright to talk about Harry. You're safe here. Please feel safe to talk to me. I can help you.' He shook his head.

'No one can help me,' he said in a broken voice.

'Because you let no one in. Let me in and I will help you. I promise.' Louis took in a deep, shuddering breath as if he was crying on the inside, barely holding himself together.

'I hurt him,' he whispered. 'I really hurt him in a bad way. When he found me, he...it took a lot out of him. Paul told me everything when I woke up in the hospital how Harry had found me and how he had freaked out and went into shock. See, Harry is very sensitive.' Louis stopped and for the first time since he had arrived, Val saw a tiny smile on his lips. 'Sometimes he's like a big baby. He might have a lot of tattoos and sexy thing going on for him but he's just a big softie. He's too good, too kind, loves too much, gives of himself until there's nothing left. And he's so good with kids. He spends hours playing with Lux. She's almost four and she's our hairstylist's daughter. He lets her do his hair and make up. It's so endearing watching him sit patiently for hours and letting her play with him as if he's a doll. He's always so happy and loves people and he spreads so much love and joy and takes time to make people feel important even if he meets them for just a couple of minutes. He's a genuinely good soul and I...I alone damaged him in a way that he might never recover from. And he's still always there for me, patient with me. He takes all that I throw at him without ever getting angry with me and it kills me to know what he feels for me, that he loves me and that he's suffering for it because I can't return that love, that he's hurting because of me. It just kills me.' Louis swallowed and pressed his lips together, feeling the sudden urge to cry. Since he broke up with Harry, he had never spoken about Harry with anyone and now saying these things to this tink of a woman felt as if he had removed the scab off a wound that hadn't yet healed.

'And what do you feel for him?' Val asked him ever so gently.

'It doesn't really matter now does it? I screwed him up big time.' Val looked at him closely and she could see how anxious he was, the way he rubbed his hands together and wiped them down on his jeans.

'Louis was Harry the reason you tried to kill yourself?' He raised his head quickly and looked at Val a shocked look on his face, eyes wide horrified at her question.

'No. No! Not really no,' he told her quietly. Val took in a deep breath.

'I am here to help Louis. Why did you try to kill yourself?' Val persisted. She needed to have him talking.

'It was just a moment of weakness,' Louis whispered by way of response. Val leaned forward in her chair and looked Louis straight in the eyes. She vowed to herself she won't lose this one! Not another one! Not this one!

'I don't accept that,' she told him matter of factly. 'There's always a reason behind every moment of weakness Louis. There is a reason for what you did and I need you to tell me so I can help you. Why did you try to kill yourself?' Louis got up off the couch suddenly and walked to the floor to ceiling windows overlooking the hotel's large pool. He ran a hand through his already messy hair.

'It's not what you think alright. I can deal with this! I have it under control.'

'Is that why you drink yourself blind?' she asked him. Louis turned to face her, his face a silent question asking her how she knew.

'It's my job to read people Louis but you reek of beer and it just past noon. It's not that difficult to figure you out and it's my job to figure things out. Drinking is not a solution. That's adding more to what you already have going on for you.' Val paused and surveyed him. When she saw him standing there looking lost and shaking. She took in a deep breath. 'He's worried about you,' she told him softly. Louis raised his head and looked at her.

'He talked about me?' he breathed. Val smiled.

'He told me his own version of things. That's different than talking about you at least not in the way you are implying. You are both in this together. He blames himself for your attempt....'

'But....' Louis interrupted her. Val put her hand up to stop him.

'You haven't really given him any reason to think otherwise.' Louis huffed.

'Typical Harry. Everything that happens in the world he feels the need to take the blame for it and worry about it endlessly. He did tell me as much when he was at the hospital.'

'Everyone is worried about you Louis. I have to present your management with an evaluation of your mental well being every week. They want to know if you're sane or not. If you're stable enough. They want to know if you will try to harm yourself again. They got me, a psychiatrist to watch you all the time. That should tell you something shouldn't it?' Louis scoffed.

'Yeah it does. They are only worried about my sanity because if I'm not sane enough the tour could be cancelled and they don't want that do they? The ydon't give a fuck about me or my sanity! All they care about is the God damn tour and the money. It's always about the money.' Val cocked here head to the side and looked at Louis.

'Is that what you think? They want you on suicide watch but I told them I will decide if you need it or not after I talk to you.' Val watched him as he rolled his eyes.

'Suicide watch? That's ridiculous. I told you it was an accident.' Val could feel a headache coming on.

God he's a stubborn little fuck!

'And I told you that accidental suicides have happened and they do happen still. You were lucky. You had a guardian angel. If you keep all that you are going through locked up inside you and you keep drinking, you will want to try again trust me. I've seen this far too many times to miss out on the signs. You have to trust me Louis. You need help and I can give you that help. Can you possibly want to inflict that kind of pain on your family, friends, your fans? On Harry hmm?' Louis seemed to be thinking then he looked at her.

'Look I'm fine okay. I really don't need therapy. I don't need to be talking about this with you or with anyone else for that matter especially if Modest want to know all about it,' Louis told her, his voice tinged with anger.

'Louis please sit down,' Val told him firmly. Louis sighed feeling annoyed with her but he sat down heavily in his seat and picked up his mug taking another sip of his cold tea.

'Modest only want to hear the clinical version of it. They don't give a shit about the emotional side of it. I have dealt with them before. I know what they're like. Maybe you are right and they are more worried about the tour being cancelled should you "accidentally" try to off yourself again and God forbid succeed. I decide what to write in my report for Modest Louis and I want you to help me with it. I've done this too many times to not realize what's going on here. I've seen too many reactions like your denial of trying to commit suicide being the source of it all. You need to be honest with me and the first step into getting better is admitting that you have a problem.' Louis laughed sarcastically.

'I don't have a drinking problem if that;s what you're implying! It's been a few drinks celebrating with the lads. That doesn't make me an alcoholic.' Val took in a deep breath trying to hold on to her patience. God this one was stubborn!

'Louis please help me help you. You're sitting here in front of me and you look a right mess. You don't even know how to hide that there's something wrong with you. At least Harry tries to appear happy. You don't!'

'What did Harry tell you huh?' Louis snapped at her, his anger flaring. 'What did he tell you about me?'

'Like I said, he only told me his version of things. He said nothing you should worry about. You just happen to share the same problem so it's obvious that the conversation will lead him to you and you to him. Now I want to hear your version of things.' Louis' blue eyes fixed on her.

'Seems like he already told you everything you want to know. What more do you want from me?'

Is he fucking kidding me or? Is he serious?

'Don't take out your frustration on Harry Louis. It's unjustified and you know it. Getting anger at him won't make it any better for you. It doesn't work that way. What he told me are the events that happened from his point of view. How it all made him feel and how he's been dealing with it. Doesn't mean they have to be yours too. Unfortunately yeah you share the same problem so you are bound to talk about each other. You are connected. Tell me about you Louis. You from your point of view.' Louis scoffed at her.

'What's there to tell? I'm 23. I come from Doncaster. I love football. My best mate is Zayn. I'm in a world famous band. Just about sums me up!'

Jesus I need to work hard with this one!

'Talk to me about Harry,' Val told him trying her hardest to get him to open up. Louis looked at the ceiling, tapping a finger against his lips pretending to be thinking. Then he looked at Val.

'Tall, goofy, a dork most of the time, falls a lot, he stammers when he's nervous or excited, 21, comes from Holmes Chapel, mum Anne, one sister Gemma and he's a band mate.' Val smiled at him.

'Very funny. I see you haven't lost your sense of humor. Talk to me about Harry.'

'I have nothing to say about him,' Louis told her pointedly.

'You do Louis,' Val insisted.

'I thought he told you everything!' Val rolled her eyes.

'And I told you he just told me his version of things now I want yours.'

'Why?' Louis asked her.

'Why are you so difficult?'

'Why are you so nosey?'

'It's my job Louis!' Val told him.

'I don't need you,' Louis threw at her.

'Yes. You. Do,' Val said stressing each word trying to make him understand.

'I don't!'

'You are very stubborn,' Val pointed out. Louis smirked at her.

'That's what they tell me.' Val chuckled.

'But I'm more stubborn than you.'

'I highly doubt that,' Louis challenged.

'Well Louis don't bet anything against me cause you will lose.'

'So sure are you? Can I go now?' he asked her. Val shook her head.

'No. The hour is not up yet. Besides, I have something for you.' Before Louis could say anything, she got up off her chair and went into the other room. She was only gone a minute and returned to the living room. She held an item in her hand and handed it to Louis. Louis took it and looked at it curiously then looked up at Val.

'Is this an ankle monitor used by the police for individuals on parole or house arrest? What is this?' Val sat back down in her chair.

'That Louis is how I am going to have you on suicide watch. As you may have noticed, my suite is right across from yours. I'm going to be close to you. I'm going to be your fucking shadow! You will wear that around your ankle at all times.' Louis' eyes widened in disbelief.

'What? Hell no!' Val smirked at him.

'Hell yes Louis. That little gadget which by the way I have invented, will monitor your heartbeat. This special watch here that I wear gives me your heart readings. You try to "accidentally" kill yourself again, as soon as your heart starts to slow, it will set an alarm off on my watch. If you are highly excited and your heart races, it will set off an alarm on my watch. The only time it will be removed is during concerts that's all. That ankle bracelet will be your suicide watch. Unless of course you prefer to go into a facility. I can arrange that. I can tell your management that you are not fit to go on tour and that you need constant supervision and proper suicide watch. Of course they will be pissed that they will have to cancel the tour but they can't say no to me. And I have the power to do that. Now it's all up to you. Whatever you want Louis, however you want to play this out I'm game.'

'Fuck this shit! That's not fair,' Louis complained.

'No it isn't fair but you know what's not fair also? You trying to kill yourself and not talking to me about it when I'm here to help you. What's not fair is you not giving a shit about the people you hurt should you succeed in "accidentally" killing yourself. What's not fair Louis is that Harry is suffering for this along with you and you don't give a shit enough to even talk to me about it so I can fix you. So don't talk to me about fair because you sure as shit aren't playing fair. Now clip it around your left ankle please and don't give me any lip about it. No one will die here on my watch!' Val folded her arms and looked at Louis who stared back at her in disbelief.

'You can't do this to me,' he told her in a small voice.

'I can, I will and I am. You have to realize that this is not a joke and you can't act like you don't give a shit about your life and of the lives of those around you. I told you you will not fucking win against me. Now clip the damn bracelet on your left ankle!' Louis glared at her then bent down and clipped the bracelet around his ankle. A green light beeped to life. Val looked at her watch to check if it was working. It gave off small beeps indicating Louis' heartbeat which was a little elevated.

'There! Happy now?' he growled at her. She smiled brightly at him.

'Yes thank you very much. I will sleep better tonight thank you.' Louis looked down at his lap.

'You don't know me,' he told her quietly as if offended. 'You don't know my story.' Val understood what he was saying. She knew he felt like his privacy was some what violated with him wearing that bracelet around his ankle, but if that kept him safe and alive she didn't really care about his hurt ego. Egos heal. A successful suicide didn't heal!

'That's why I'm here Louis. To know you and your story, to understand you and help you. I am not your enemy here.' Louis stood up slowly and Val did too.

'I have to go,' he told her, 'or I will be late for rehearsals.' Val nodded.

'I will see you again tomorrow Louis. I know you hate this but it's for your own good. At least trust that.' Louis looked at her and his eyes were sad.

'Yeah. Whatever Modest wants right? They got more control over me.' he spat at her. Val folded her arms across her chest.

'This is not about Modest Louis. It's about you and your well being. Just you.' Louis laughed sarcastically.

'You're wrong Valerie! It's all about Modest. You will see soon enough.' Val huffed. He was persistent and negative and hard headed.

'It's not! I'm not here for Modest. They hired me yes but they are not my priority. You are. And Harry.'

'They will get you to do what they want. It's what they do. They will manipulate you into doing what they want,' Louis told her, his voice bitter.

'I don't think so. I don't work that way. And like I told you, I have worked with them before. I know their strategy.' Louis looked down at her.

'You're short you know that?' Louis told her. Val laughed loudly.

'And you're a pretentious little shit.' Louis rolled his eyes.

'And here I was thinking you didn't put labels on people.'

'But I didn't label you. I was simply stating a fact.' Louis narrowed his eyes at her and shook his head.

'You kiss your wife with that smart mouth of your's?' he asked her, a weak smile on his face.

'In fact I do,' Val told him smiling at him. 'And don't ever use my full name again thank you very much.' She looked at him with a tender gaze. 'Let me help you Louis because I can. I am very good at my job. I have helped many famous people who had worse loads than you do.' Louis took in a deep breath then exhaled slowly.

'Good luck with that Valerie,' he whispered and walked out the suite, closing the door silently behind him.

Val sat down heavily in her armchair, took off her glasses and rubbed the bridge of her nose. On a scale of 1 to 10, that went 10 plus horribly wrong. It didn't go quite as Val had expected or hoped it would go. One thing she was certain of though was that both Harry and Louis were broken by their love for each other. It was on a whole different context but it was just the same. Harry acknowledged it, their past relationship and broken love but Louis...Louis couldn't even bring it up. Louis couldn't even talk about Harry let alone their broken relationship or his feelings about it at all. She had grasped a little sense of Harry but Louis? He was a mystery. A shrouded mystery and he was going to give her a hard time of unraveling it. If Louis was anywhere near gay, he was so deep in his closet he was having tea with Mr. Tomnis in Narnia! And his closet was wrapped by a chain that was locked with a padlock. There was no key to Louis' lock but Val knew she was good at picking locks. Again a sense of deja vu filled Val with dread, her stomach rolling with nausea. She closed her eyes and tried not to see HIM behind her closed eyelids. She felt a panic attack coming on. She couldn't think back to that. She just couldn't. Louis and Harry were different. But her mind screamed at her that no, they were not different!

Her phone screamed out 'Highway To Hell', making her jump out of her dark thoughts. She picked it up off the coffee table and saw that it was Shane calling. She swiped her phone.

'Hey honey,' she said into her phone. 'No I'm alright love.Just had my first session with two of them.' Val paused and took in a deep breath as she listened to Shane. 'I'll tell you when you get here. Where are you?' Val paused again, listening to Shane. 'Oh you landed already? That's awesome. Okay see you both soon...love you baby .'

 

To be continued............


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good afternoon. Another Outing Larry update. Thank you so much for liking my fic. I truly appreciate it. All the love, M.

Val walked with Shane holding Adam in her arms as they cut through the parking lot towards the back door of the stadium. Shane kept an arm around Val's waist as they walked in the hot Australian afternoon sun.

'Honey are you sure you're okay? You seemed a little shaken when I got to the hotel,' Shane asked her as she placed a kiss on her temple. Val rolled her eyes.

'I'm fine. It's just....their whole situation caught me off guard that's all. I thought it was something else not.....' she paused, took in a deep breath and exhaled. 'Anyway, its not the same thing. He's alive. He will be alright.'

'Val....'

'Shane I'm fine okay. Please just drop it. I'll be fine.' Shane kept looking at her wife for a second then nodded.

'Okay if you say so but I'm here with you. You're not alone.' Val looked up at the looming stadium ahead of them. 'This is one big ass stadium,' Shane commented, not hiding her surprise. 'For a pop band they must be pretty good if they sell out these kind of stadiums. How did we not hear about them before?' Val smiled lazily at her wife.

'Because we don't listen to that kind of music darling. They must be I mean this place is huge. Modest sells bands like these like they're selling meat. I can't stand it. The way they sell them to the public like they are just a product that feeds their money machine and they don't give a fuck about their mental well being. Or their sexual orientation. They just want a het, clean cut, good boy image to sell to the female public because the fans bring in the money. That Simon is a nasty piece of ass!' Shane hugged her to her side.

'I know sweetheart. One day someone is going to knock Simon off his high horse.'

'That will be the day I will be eagerly waiting for and when it happens I'll be one hell of a happy person.' Shane chuckled.

When they neared the back entrance, Val saw Paul chatting to a few other security detail by the back door entrance. Paul was the only one she knew. He had been the one to pick her up at the airport and escort her to the hotel.

'Hey Paul,' Val greeted him. Paul turned to her and smiled at her.

'Hey Val,' he said in his usual cheerful tone. Then he looked at Shane. 'You must be Shane,' Paul told her, extending his hand to Shane which she took and shook firmly. Paul turned his attention back to Val and looked at the little boy in her arms. 'And you must be Adam. Hey there little man how's it going?' Paul cooed tickling the little boy's tummy who in return giggled and squirmed in Val's arms. 'He's a charmer.'

'We're here to see the boys sound check,' Val told Paul. 'Can we? Harry invited us.' Paul nodded and pushed open the glass doors for them.

'Sure sure, go right in. They're back stage in the open area. They are late in starting as always. Can never get those boys on time for anything. They should be playing table tennis or kicking a ball around. It's what they do to chill. Unless they're playing Fifa and killing each other over it especially Niall and Louis. Those two and football is a killer combination! By the way how did it go with Harry and Louis this morning?' Paul asked her casually. Val pursed her lips. She didn't like discussing her people or their situations with other people. It was not ethical or professional but she knew that everyone here was worried about them and Paul had told her he was like a father to them.

'It went well,' Val told him with a smile. 'I'm just getting to know them and they are getting to know me. It takes a while to get a person to open up about personal issues that have emotional ties and they take a while to trust you. It's a slow process but we'll get there.' She gave him a smile hoping he wouldn't ask anymore.

'You'll have Harry spilling his guts out to you in no time at all. He's like that. He can't hide his feelings or his emotions if his life depended on it. That boy is too good for his own sake and for this world. He's such a good soul. I hate seeing him hurt. He doesn't deserve it. But Louis,' Paul paused, shook his head and chuckled. 'Louis is a different story. He's a sassy little shit but he has a good heart. Looks out for those he loves and fights for them till the death. He hurts as much as Harry does but he puts on that front, tries to make himself untouchable and like he's alright and strong, which by the way he fails miserably at. Still he tries. He thinks we don't see or notice his pain or his struggles. Hell even the fans notice but if it works for him and he copes that way, then who am I to say otherwise? Still, I don't think it's healthy for him. Really sad what happened to him. They're like my kids and it...' Paul trailed off as his voice broke as eyes went a little glassy and h. Val squeezed his arm.

'He will be fine Paul. So will Harry. I will do all I can for them and for everyone here who needs it. You included. What happened has effected you all in a way or another. Suicide attempts do that. So please, if you need to talk don't hesitate to come to me alright. Management is paying so make use of it.' Paul smiled at her and nodded.

'Thanks Val. Go right in and meet the other three idiots. Watch out if they're playing footie. They tend to get carried away and feel very professional about it too,' he told her, rolling his eyes fondly. Val and Shane walked into the venue. Shane threw a glance at Val who looked pensive.

'Are you okay love?' Shane asked her. Val looked up at her.

'Shane I'm good,' she told her, her voice a little stern. Shane pursed her lips doubtfully.

'Ever since I arrived I have noticed that you're quiet and lost in thought, kinda a little distant.' Val smiled at her lovingly.

'Honey, it'snot your job to analyze me so stop it.' Shane smirked at her.

'As a therapist, no it's not my job to analyse you. I am not qualified but as your wife, I believe I am over qualified for that. I don't want you to worry sweetheart.' Val looked down at their son in her arms, chewing on a squeaky toy, dribbling all over his Iron Maiden tee shirt.

'I know,' Val told her but Shane stopped walking and turned Val to face her.

'I know you don't like discussing your people Val but you can talk to me you know. You need someone to be there for you too.' Val looked up at her, her face serious and her eyes sad. 'Talk to me.' Val bit her bottom lip.

'Ever since I met Louis and Harry, it's been like deja vu.' Val paused and searched her wife's face for her reaction but Shane just furrowed her brow in confusion. Val sighed heavily. 'I feel like it's Abel and Ryan all over again.' Val looked down. She couldn't look at Shane. She heard her take in a sharp deep breath.

'If you can't handle this then don't. You know what happened the last time....'

'It won't happen again,' Val cut her short snapping at her. 'I won't let it happen again!' Shane held Val from her upper arms and bent a little at the knees to level herself with Val, looking in her eyes.

'Val baby listen to me. Last time you got too close, you got too involved. It broke you badly. You are allowed to refuse this.'

'They need me,' Vall hissed at her. 'And I will help them Shane. I won't make the same mistake again.' Shane ground her teeth together trying to control her anger.

'It wasn't your fucking fault Val! Val straightened her back, standing up straighter even though she was much shorter than her wife.

'Don't swear in front of Adam. If you're going to be a dick about this just go back home alright. I need your support not your nagging. I know what I'm doing Shane.' Shane puffed out her cheeks trying to get control of the fear inside her. She touched Val's cheek with her fingers, wanting to calm her down.

'I know you do honey. I am just looking out for you as I don't want you ending up like the last time. It took a lot out of you and you went to that dark place where I couldn't reach you. I don't want to lose you again.' Val took Shane's hand that was on her cheek and brought her palm to her lips placing a soft kiss in the middle of it.

'You won't I promise. Just support me okay. I need you.' Shane leaned in and kissed her lightly on the lips.

'You got me. I'm always on your side love always. Just don't get too emotionally attached to them because if I see you getting in too deep or slipping away, I will put a stop to it. I won't let it go too far this time okay.' Val nodded letting her know she understood.

'Alright,' she told her. Shane kissed the top of her head, wrapped her arm around her shoulder and together they walked further into the building. Soon they heard the sounds of laughter, yells, the smacking of a ball and a ping, ping sound. They rounded a corner and came into a large open area where two lads where kicking a ball around and Harry and a blonde guy where playing table tennis. Security detail and a few other people milled around the area. Val scanned the area which looked like a large lounge room. There were tables with refreshments on them and a few chairs, clothes racks and a make shift area for hair and make up. All this was familiar to Val. She had been in so many back stage areas like this before. It felt like home.

'Val!' she heard Harry call out as he tossed the small racket on the table. His partner stopped playing and turned to face in the direction Harry was looking in. The other two stopped playing football and also looked at the new comers. 'Val you made it,' Harry said walking towards her, a big smile on his face.

'Hey Harry,' Val greeted him. 'This is my wife Shane and our son Adam.' The other three lads reached them and crowded around them. Harry shook Shane's hand. She was as tall as him and just as lean. Harry introduced the other lads to Val and Shane. His eyes went back to the gurgling little boy in Val's arms.

'May I?' he asked her shyly. Val grinned at him and handed him Adam. Harry took the baby in his arms carefully.

'Hey there buddy,' Harry cooed at the baby who gurgled happily and seemed to take to Harry right away, his tiny fists locking into Harry's locks. Harry walked off with Adam to where Zayn and Liam had abandoned the football. He slowly put him down holding him until he was steady on his feet clad in tiny Adidas. Harry gently rolled the ball towards him and Adam, all smiles and giggles, crouched down catching the ball and rolling it back towards Harry. Harry pretended to let the ball roll past him then he picked Adam up yelling, 'Goal, you scored little man good job! Adam 1- Harry 0.'

All eyes went on Harry as he played with Adam. Val watched him and recalled what Louis had said about Harry and how good he was with kids.

'Harry loves kids,' Zayn told Val as he fondly looked at Harry. 'He can't wait to have his own.'

'I can see that,' she smiled not taking her eyes off Harry who was once again rolling the ball towards Adam. Louis had been right about him. He was a big child. There was a certain innocence about him, a genuine purity, a vulnerability that made you want to protect him and keep him safe from all the bad things this world could inflict upon him.

'He's going to be after your son the whole tour,' Niall told them. Shane put her arm around Val and pulled her closer.

'We could do with a baby sitter,' she told them grinning at Val and giving her a wink.

'Then you got the perfect one,' Liam said as they watched Harry toss Adam in the air and catch him again and again, the little boy squealing happily. The sound of approaching footsteps made them all turn around to see Louis walking hand in hand with Eleanor towards them. He stopped beside Zayn and Val, frozen, his eyes resting on Harry as he played with the baby. He felt his breath catch in his chest and it hurt. It felt like someone had punched him right where his heart was. There was the future that once upon a time he and Harry had dreamed of, planned for. It was there alive in front of him but lost to him, never to have it back. He watched as Harry cuddled the little boy to his chest and Louis remembered the many times they had talked about having their own kids, their own family. Louis remembered how Harry's face would light up like a Christmas tree each time he told him how he wanted a lot of kids with him and how he couldn't wait to fill their home with the patter and screams of little ones.

Val looked down at her watch monitor that received data from Louis' ankle bracelet and she could see that Louis' heart was beating a little too fast. Eleanor cleared her throat, pulling Louis out of his trance. Louis looked at her than at Val who gave him a small meaningful smile.

'How are you Louis?' she asked him, still flashing him that knowing smile which was making Louis feel flustered and a blush to spread across his cheeks.

'I'm...I'm good,' he told her trying to recover himself but being distracted by Harry playing with the little boy as he stole another glance at Harry just then noticed that Louis had arrived...with Eleanor. Louis turned his attention to Val.

'This is my girlfriend Eleanor. El, this is Val, my therapist.' Eleanor shook her hand, giving Val a tight little smile which Val returned while she introduced Shane. Harry stopped beside Val and Val noticed that playful Harry had retreated and out came the nervous, fidgety Harry. She followed his line of vision to where they rested on Louis and Eleanor's intertwined fingers. She saw that little sad flicker in his eyes. Then he smiled at Louis.

'Hey Louis,' Harry said quietly. Then he looked at Eleanor and gave her a little nod. 'Eleanor.' Louis mirrored Harry giving him a little nod and from Eleanor, Harry got the fakest smile that Val had ever seen. She wanted to laugh out loud at the situation unfurling in front of her. She looked at Harry who looked uncomfortable and was burying his face in Adam's tummy giving him a raspberry kiss. The little boy squealed and grabbed Harry's hair and pulled. Harry let him. Val cleared her throat because this was very awkward.

'So how did you find Adam Harry?' Val asked him trying to distract him from the awkwardness of the situation. Harry looked at her and smiled big, popping his dimples while trying to disentangle the death grip Adam had in his hair.

'He's amazing. Can I have him?' he asked her as he nuzzled the little boy again. Zayn, Liam and Niall burst out laughing.

'Told ya,' Niall told her as he patted Harry on the back. 'You'll 'ave yer own soon mate and you'll be the greatest dad ever. You'll get awards for Best Dad,' Niall praised him. Louis dealt him a killer look but Niall just shrugged and continued talking to Val and Shane. 'Our Harry here is made to be a dad and he'll make a right damn good one won't ya Haz?' Niall asked him, his hand still on Harry's back. Harry smiled at Niall and nodded, his cheeks turning pink. He chanced a look at Louis and found him looking at him, his face unreadable with no expression at all, his eyes hard and cold as ice. Harry had always hoped that Louis would be the father of their children. Louis looked down, away from Harry's longing stare. Val didn't miss the exchange. This was some heavy duty shit here. She smiled at Harry.

'Well Harry we're here for a long time and we could really use a babysitter so you're welcome,' Val told him as she looked up adoringly at Shane. Shane pulled her closer and hugged her.

'Yeah our 4th wedding anniversary is coming up and we will be with you guys in Asia and I'd really really would like to take my wife on a second honeymoon so we might take you up on that offer,' Shane told Harry. Val beamed up at her wife.

'That's awesome love but I can only be away like maybe for a day or two. Remember I'm doing a job here but I'm looking forward to it already. Harry up for it?' Val asked him. Harry smiled and tickled Adam who shrieked out and squirmed in his arms but Harry held him tight.

'I'm so up for spending time with this little monkey here. What do you say chimp huh wanna spend some boy time with uncle Harry? I will let you wear my boots hmmm you like that you little cutie?' Adam laughed and pulled at Harry's curls again making Harry wince. Val threw a look at Louis who was looking everywhere but at Harry. He looked edgy and nervous and had let go of Eleanor's hand and was wiping his hands down on his thighs. She watched as Louis slowly brought his eyes to rest on Harry with a deep longing and immense fond. His eyes held desire and pain and Val could feel it in her own heart.

'Guys you need to...' Paul's voice interrupted the moment for which Val was grateful. Louis and Harry were an endearing case and they made you feel their feelings. Paul paused mid-sentence, his eyes locked on Harry. 'Oh God! He's got a baby in his arms. Oh dear God!' Paul rolled his eyes dramatically as Zayn, Liam and Niall laughed loudly. Harry smiled cheekily at Paul, his eyes bright and cuddled the baby to his chest.

'I have a new job. I am now officially Harry Styles the babysitter,' he told Paul. Paul rolled his eyes fondly at Harry.

'God help us all then. Someone take that cute adorable baby from him so maybe y'all can get your asses out there and do your job. You have a show and God knows you need to rehearse.' Harry made a low whining noise in his throat and nuzzled Adam.

'Big bad man is making me give you back but I want to stay with you nugget. Harry wants to play ball. Wanna play ball with Hazza ha?' Paul sighed loudly.

'For the love of God Harry hand over the baby and get your ass up there.' Harry pouted.

'Do I have to?' he whined, batting his eyelashes at Paul looking all cute and adorable. Val giggled and Shane hugged her closer.

'Can we adopt him?' Shane asked Paul. 'He'd make an awesome big brother to Adam.'

'I can cook too,' Harry piped. Shane laughed.

'Well that's a plus then cos my wife here can't cook for shit.' Val nudged her hard in the ribs.

'Oi you!' Paul clapped his hands.

'Harry hand him over to his mother,' he said. Harry pouted harder. Liam chuckled.

'He always gets like that round a baby,' Liam informed them. 'It's quite normal for Harry to get like that.'

'Do I really have to?' Harry asked again.

'Yes you have to Harry,' Paul growled playfully at him. 'Now hand over the baby!' Harry stuck out his tongue at Paul and looked at Adam who was tugging at his cross chain.

'You like my chain little man? I have to go now and do some work because bad man here is a spoil sport but I will be back soon okay. You wait for me yeah?' Adam gurgled happily. Reluctantly, Harry handed Adam back to Val and she saw his face cloud over.

'You are so lucky,' he told her in a whisper, his eyes lingering on Adam. Again Val saw the longing and desire and pain in his eyes, reflecting that which she saw in Louis' own eyes. Louis cleared his throat feeling uncomfortable at Harry's vulnerability. He looked at Val.

'Can you um like get this off of me while I rehearse?' he asked her, lifting up his sweat pants leg showing her the ankle bracelet. Val gave him an apologetic look.

'I don't think so Louis. I'm sorry,' she told him kindly. She saw the other four lads and Paul looking at his ankle.

'What's that?' Zayn asked curiously. Clearly he had asked the question on everyone's mind. Val looked at Louis waiting for him to tell his mates but he remained silent, looking down, his face tense. She knew he hated it but it had to be done. She had to make sure he was safe at all times.

'That's his suicide watch,' Val explained. 'That bracelet transmits his heart rate to this special watch I wear. I monitor his heartbeat. If it gets too fast it means he is in an anxious state. If it gets too low, well I will know he is in distress. Which is why I have to be close to him.' Everyone looked at Louis, then to Val, then down at his ankle bracelet, then at each other in disbelief, except Harry who kept his worried glance on Louis. Harry could tell that he was pissed off.

'I told you it was a fucking accident,' Louis said exasperated. Val nodded.

'Yeah I know and I am here to make sure that said accident will not happen again.' Louis rolled his eyes.

'I will be on stage. What am I going to do? Strangle myself with a cable? Electrocute myself? Dive head first off stage? Jesus fucking Christ!' Louis was getting nervous and agitated. Harry wanted to so desperately reach out and hold him, rub his back and whisper to him that everything will be okay into his hair until he calmed down. He knew how to calm him down. Eleanor took in a deep breath.

'Louis stop being so dramatic and calm down. It is for your own safety after all,' she told him, her voice emotionless. 'Who needs all this drama?' Harry ground down his teeth hard and his fingers curled into fists by his side. The anger and resentment this woman managed to make him feel was a foreign feeling to him.

That's not the way to calm him down. Louis needs affection and love and patience, Harry told himself. You don't even know him or what he needs and when he needs it! Harry wanted to hug him so bad.

Louis dealt Eleanor a killer look but Eleanor only shrugged not really letting him and his pissy mood effect her. The tension between them wasn't lost on Val. She also saw that the ankle bracelet made Louis unhappy. She needed to make it alright for him.

'Louis,'she told him softly but Louis put his hand up, stopping her.

'I get it okay. I need to be constantly monitored because I'm suicidal. I fucking get it,' he said through gritted teeth. Everyone went silent, looking awkwardly at Louis as he vented his frustration. Paul broke the awkwardness by ushering them on stage and the guests to the empty stadium to watch rehearsals. Backstage was empty except for Louis who was trying to calm himself down and Harry. Harry bit his lower lip and furrowed his brow in thought. As a best friend he needed, had to say something to help his friend through this.

'Lou,' he said softly and cautiously, gauging Louis' reaction if he was going to yell at him or get mad but Louis remained stock still. Harry raised his hand wanting to touch Louis, to give him comfort but he hesitated. Could he touch him? He didn't know if this fell into the best friend category or not. His hand hovered on Louis' back but without actually touching him.

It's back to the things I can't! Harry let his hand drop back to his side.

'Louis, if you need anything....' Louis looked at him his angry eyes dark but pleading.

'Can you tell her to get this shit off me?' he asked him, his voice strained. 'She seems fond of you so maybe you can get in a good word for me and make her get it off me.' Harry bit his lip again.

'Lou I can't do that. It's for your own safety. Please let her help you. I'm asking you this as your best friend. Please let her in. I don't want you hurting yourself....'

'I promised you I wouldn't didn't I?' Louis snapped at him. He saw Harry flinch. 'Sorry,' he muttered quickly, trying to right himself. He knew that Harry was trying to be his friend. The least he could do was let him succeed in it. Louis huffed. 'I'm- I'm just very frustrated Haz. It's not nice having someone keeping tabs on your heart.' Louis looked down away from Harry's eyes.

'She's keeping tabs on your life Louis and for that we are all grateful. We don't want to lose you.'

I am grateful. I don't want to lose you in more ways than I already have, Harry thought to himself but didn't dare voice it out to Louis. It wasn't his place anymore.

Louis nodded and Harry was glad that he didn't argue about this anymore. Harry felt relieved that Val was actually looking out for Louis. Ever since that life altering day, Harry had developed a phobia that one day he would get told that Louis had succeeded in his plan.

'Come on let's go rehearse,' Harry told him softly. Louis just nodded and followed him up on stage.

 

To be continued.............


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning. Happy Sunday. Here is the 3rd update for this weekend. Enjoy. All the love, M.

The stadium was huge. And empty but soon it would be filled to it's capacity with screaming fans who clearly adored and loved this band. Val and Shane followed Paul to some empty seats to the side of the enormous stage and cat walk that extended to the middle of the stadium floor that were in the shade. The Australian late afternoon sun was scorching. Shane sat down holding Adam in her lap, Val beside her, their fingers laced together as they waited for the boys to begin soundcheck. A few rows behind them, Eleanor sat chatting on her phone, engrossed in the conversation.

'I need to watch them,' Val told Shane. 'See how they interact with each other.' Shane threw her a pensive side way glance.

'There's some thick tension between them but God its so obvious.' Val grinned.

'Innit? Louis worries me though. He's so deep in denial about everything going on in his life right now that I don't even know where to begin with him.' Shane squeezed her hand then raised their joined palms and placed a kiss on Val's knuckles.

'Love, you are brilliant at what you do. You will figure him out and unravel him and then you can begin to help him.' Val gave Shane a doubtful look.

'He tried to kill himself Shane. As much as he says it was an accident, I really don't believe it. He has so much going on under that exterior he presents to the world. He has so much baggage that he's dragging around with him. I have to get him to open up yet I need to go easy on him and tread very carefully or he will shut down on me even more.' Val looked down at their, their wedding bands. 'Mostly, I don't want him to again. The second time he will make sure to do it better and he will make sure that he will succeed and I need to reach him before he can even think about it. ' Shane sighed.

'He won't Val. He's got the best therapist in the world,' Shane reassured her but Val looked at her with a sad look.

'So did Abel. What if I don't reach him Shane? What if he retreats further inside himself where I can't get to him and I'll lose him?' Shane squeezed her hand tighter.

'Hey don't think like that okay. Abel.....he wasn't your fault Val.' Val looked down again pressing her lips together. She didn't want to cry. Shane turned in her seat to look at her. 'Baby hey, look at me. Look at me! You will reach him okay. This is different. If you feel you can't handle it, quit now.' Just then the boys came out on stage. Val's eyes focused on Louis.

'I won't quit on him. If it takes all I have, I will break Louis Tomlinson's chains.' Shane smiled and kissed Val on the cheek.

'There's my little jet fighter,' she told her proudly. 'I know you won't give up on him but if I see it damaging you in any way and I mean ANY WAY Val, I'm taking you home alright?' Val nodded and smiled at her wife though the smile did not reach her eyes and Shane knew that she was worried. Shane knew her well enough. Val was kind and soft and she did everything in her power to help her people and she had no doubt that she would give her all for Louis but Shane knew that she would not risk her wife's mental stability for ANYONE!

Val sat back in her seat, cuddled closer to Shane and her son and watched as the boys filed on stage. Louis and Harry came on a few minutes after Liam, Zayn and Niall. Louis stood on the left side of the stage next to Zayn and Harry was on the right next to Niall. They were as far away from each other as the stage allowed, the other three between them. A voice boomed out into the empty stadium from the sound tech.

'Louis, you're going to sit this one out man.' Louis squinted at the guy who was halfway down the stadium right in front of the stage.

'Why?' Louis asked into the mic.

'I just go the order man,' the tech guy said. 'We'll do a sound check for you tomorrow before the show but no rehearsals today. We'll cover No Control tomorrow okay.' Louis kept his gaze trained forward towards the sound control area up ahead from the stage.

'Why does this fucking song keep making it's way into the set list?' Louis asked irritated. 'I believe I told Drew to have it removed already.' The lads all looked at him, Harry turning his body all the way to stare right at Louis. Niall chuckled into the mic.

'The fans are demanding it Lou. The fans have been tweeting about having it included in the set list,' Niall told him. Louis turned his attention to Niall, a scowl on his face.

'Well I'm not ready for that much solo and attention,' Louis said. Liam looked at him.

'You are ready Lou, this is your baby and your moment to shine. You can do this.' Louis huffed and rolled his eyes. There was no way in fucking hell he was going to sing the song he wrote about sex with Harry!

'I said I'm not fucking ready alright. Is that too hard to fucking understand?' he growled into the mic, his voice booming in the empty stadium. Shane looked at Val and raised her eyebrow.

'Woah he's a little diva ain't he?' Val chuckled.

'Try his Royal Highness Diva! Look at this,' Val said showing Shane the watch monitor. Louis' heart was spiking. The sound technician cleared his throat.

'I got instructions from Drew....' Louis groaned loudly into the mic and rolled his eyes.

'I will fucking talk to Drew myself about this. He knows better than to force that song into the set list.' Liam and Zayn exchanged glances, Liam urging Zayn silently to say something, him being Louis' best friend.

'Louis,' Zayn began softly, 'maybe you should do it man. You can do this. You're great. No Control is your song.' Louis rolled his eyes again clearly annoyed and opened his mouth to reply to Zayn but was stopped short by Harry's deep slow voice.

'He said he's not ready. If he's not ready, he's not ready. Don't...don't pressure him. Please. When he feels ready, he will sing it.' Harry looked at Louis cautiously and found him looking back at him with a slightly open mouth. The stadium remained silent, all eyes on Harry as he stood there awkwardly shifting from one foot to the other. He gulped and braced himself waiting for Louis to yell at him and tell him to stop fucking his way into his life but Louis remained staring at Harry. Val nudged Shane and showed her the little watch monitor where Louis' heart was beating really fast. The sound guy coughed clearly uncomfortable with the exchange on stage.

'Yeah sure man no pressure. Of course. No worries Louis we'll get that off the set list.' Louis nodded and as he walked off stage, he gave Harry a silent thank you nod and he walked past him. Harry nodded back, giving him a faint smile. They shared a mutual understanding where words were not needed. Louis went and sat next to the sound crew, chatting aimlessly at them, taking out a cigarette and lighting it, inhaling deeply.

'Okay guys,' the sound guy said in the mic. 'Can you do 18 for me?' The boys mumbled a yeah in the mic and the music started up. Val watched intently and listened carefully. Her gaze shifted between Harry who was shifting from foot to foot looking awkward and Louis who was trying hard to look cool and not look at Harry. Val turned in her seat and looked at Eleanor two rows behind them who was still engrossed in a call on her phone, laughing and giggling, not really paying attention to Louis or anything else going on for that matter. Interesting.

Val took out her phone and went to Google and typed in '18 One Direction' and hit search. She got many hits but tapped on the first one. The song was written by Ed Sheeran and according to the fans, this song was a Larry song. Val furrowed her brows in confusion. Larry? Who was this Larry dude and what did he have to do with One Direction? He wasn't a sixth member that was for sure! She scrolled through more comments and discovered that this Larry had a surname. Stylinson. What the fuck? Val was confused. Who the hell was this Larry Stylinson? And what did he have to do with One Direction?

Val cleared her search and typed in a fresh new search: Larry Stylinson. She immediately got thousands of hits. She opened a few and her mouth fell open.

'Well I'll be fucked into next week!' she exclaimed. Shane turned to her startled.

'What is it love? What's wrong?' Val looked at her in awe.

'Louis and Harry....they...they are Larry fucking Stylinson! Why didn't I fucking see it?'

'What?' Shane asked her confused, clearly not getting what Val was saying. Val turned to look at her wife.

'Louis Tomlinson plus Harry Styles equals Larry Stylinson,' she explained to her slowly as if talking to a child. 'The fans gave them a ship name. And according to their fans, which call themselves Larries, that song they're singing right there, 18, is a Larry song. Ed Sheeran who is friends with Harry wrote it for them!' Shane stared at her slowly processing what Val had just said.

'So the fans actually think that they are like together together? As in together like a couple?' Val scratched her head, her messy bun getting messier as loose strands of dark hair hair fell out of it and swirled around her face.

'It seems like it. There's a whole lot of Larry Stylinson out there.' Val turned her attention back to the boys on stage and pushed her glasses further up her nose. Louis' eyes were fixed on Harry, lost in God knew what thoughts but definitely somewhere far away from here. Louis sighed. 18 was one of their songs and sometimes Harry would sing it to him, changing the lyrics to: 'You have loved me since you were 18' and he'd smile that cocky dimpled smile of his and Louis would float in a balloon of pure love and adoration for his boy. He could still hear that deep, slow voice of his, his plump lips brushing the shell of his ear, whispering words to him. Louis shuddered as a cold feeling swept over him even though he was basking in the Australian summer sun. He felt goose bumps breakout on his hot skin and a shiver run down his spine.

Louis just couldn't take his eyes off Harry as he stood behind his mic stand, his long hair damp and hanging limp due to the humidity, white tee shirt hanging loosely over his tight skinny black jeans, sleeves rolled up to reveal his muscled, tattooed arms and those God awful boots. Louis never got tired of this view, it never grew old. Harry was so beautiful, so perfect. He was fairly sure his heart skipped a few beats and it annoyed him that Val could pick up on it. That was a personal thing. What his heart did, was personal. His heart's beats were for Harry only! He threw a glance at her hoping she wasn't looking at that watch but he was pleased to see that she was busy with her nose in her phone and talking to her wife.

He turned his attention back to Harry as he sang his own part in 18 since he was not there to do it himself. Louis felt torn and confused. He looked at El who was on the phone with someone, chatting away and laughing. He looked at her hard, analyzing his feelings for her. He felt as if he was looking at one of his sisters. His heart did nothing special and this frustrated him. It only did the special for Harry. Louis rested his eyes on Harry and realized that he felt empty inside and sad. And it angered him because he shouldn't! He wanted this! This break up! He wanted El. He had all that he wanted so why the fuck was he feeling so disconnected?

Harry continued to sing, never looking towards Louis. He kept his eyes to the floor or far away on the empty seats of the stadium but never diverted them once in Louis' direction. Louis could tell that Harry was stressed out. He could hear it in his voice and how off key he was and Harry was hardly ever off key. His voice just wasn't as on point as usual. Maybe he should've left the venue since he wasn't needed for sound check. They were still all suffering from what he had done, maybe they needed time to come to terms with things, maybe it was too soon for them all to go back to work as if nothing had happened. Maybe it was too soon for him to be back with them and that maybe he should make himself scarce, stay away but he was still a part of this band. He was a part of them and he should tell them that he didn't mean it but what was done couldn't be undone. Louis understood now only too well how much he had hurt them and that he had hurt Harry in an unforgiving way, that his reckless actions had destroyed a part of Harry and most probably he had changed his relationship with the four of them in a that it could never go back to the way it used to be but he wasn't going anywhere. He couldn't. Wouldn't! He belonged here with them. Didn't he?

The song ended and silence descended on the stadium once again, a humming that buzzed in their ears. Liam, Zayn and Niall looked over at Harry who was just standing there, one hand on the microphone stand and the other stuffed in his back pocket looking at the ground. They had heard it too. He wasn't singing right.

'Um Harry,' the sound technician said. Harry raised his head and looked in his direction trying to avoid looking at Louis who was just beside him, a frown on his face. 'I am not convinced,' the tech said. 'Is there something wrong with your voice or is it the mic?' Harry ran a hand nervously through his hair.

'No I just uhm.....' he said softly into the mic, his voice carrying. He drifted off not really knowing what to say because he knew that his voice had been off key not once but multiple times and he knew the reason why but he just couldn't voice his reason could he? He couldn't exactly tell the tech that there was a damn lump lodged in his throat that was choking him.

'Okay,' the tech said, 'no worries Harry. Let's see what the problem is. If it's technical we need to solve it. I want you to sing solo Harry. Can you give me Strong?'

Harry stood up straight suddenly. Strong? Seriously? He wanted him to sing Strong solo with Louis there in front of him after all that happened? It was one thing to sing it to an audience along with the other four but to sing it solo in an empty venue it felt kinda personal. Strong was a personal song. Harry knew that if he sang it solo right now it would be like exposing all his insides out for everyone to see and he was reluctant to do that. He was on a new page now, a new beginning. He was Louis' best friend now not his boyfriend and singing Strong alone, here now, it felt....wrong. Harry knew that if he sang that song alone, his carefully built facade would crumble and shatter.

'Harry is something wrong?' the technician asked him. Louis watched as Harry struggled with himself up there. He knew what Harry was going through and he wanted to go up there and make it alright for him but he had to stay there and watch him struggle and it killed him. He had done this! He has rendered the ever so confident Harry into this heap of nervousness, doubting himself, over thinking. there was nothing Louis could do and even if there was, nothing would ever change. How could ever things change? He had destroyed everything and was hanging on to Eleanor as if she was a life saver, keeping him afloat.

Harry gulped. He couldn't think of anything to say! What was he supposed to tell the guy? I can't sing this in front my ex love of my life who is now just my friend because it hurts too much to say the words which by the way are very true? Harry shook his head.

'No it's- it's nothing. We can carry on,' he told him quietly.

'Okay,' the tech said, 'ready when you are Harry.' Niall walked over to Harry and put a hand on his shoulder and with the other one he covered the mic to stop everyone from hearing what he had to tell Harry. Louis went rigid, his jaw clenching tightly when he saw Niall touch Harry, his lips close to his ear and Harry slightly leaning into Niall for support. Louis felt ready to go up there and...and do what? He bit his bottom lip because he knew he had no claim on Harry anymore. He had lost that right when he had let him go.

'You can do it Haz,' Niall encouraged him, rubbing his lower back gently. Harry shook his head.

'I feel uncomfortable Ni....with him just standing there, watching,' he told him his voice shaking. Niall gave him his million dollar smile and playfully shoulder bumped him. Louis grit his teeth hard. They always did this, touch Harry, cuddle him just to get a jealous reaction from Louis!

'Of course you can mate. Just tune everything out for the duration of the song. It's only like three and a half minutes and just imagine everyone naked.' Niall stopped when he realized that Louis was included in his everyone and he couldn't have Harry imagining Louis naked. 'On second thoughts, just imagine Paul there naked yeah. Bet that's a funny sight right? Paul naked.' Niall winked at him and Harry smiled a little. Niall always knew how to cheer him up and come up with the most ridiculous funny stuff. He nodded at him.

'Okay,' he told him and Niall slapped him on the back giving him another encouraging smile. 'I'm ready,' Harry said into the mic.

And Harry sang Strong. He sang it from his heart with feeling and meaning. He didn't imagine Paul naked. He didn't imagine anyone naked! He only imagined that it was just him and Louis in this venue. Songs were the only way that he could communicate with Louis. He put his pain aside, shoved the damn lump in his throat down and let love rule his voice. When he came to Louis' part in the song, he couldn't help but lock eyes with his ex-lover.

'Think of how much love has been wasted, people always trying to escape it, move on to stop their heart breaking, but there's nothing I'm running from you make me strong.' Louis held Harry's gaze and his breath too because he knew Harry was singing to him, that he was talking to him but Harry broke the moment when he looked down at the floor and finished the song.

'That was perfect Harry,' the technician said. 'Problem solved. That's a wrap for today guys. Good work.' Louis' face was a mixture of pride, joy, fondness, sadness, regret, hurt and longing. His boy had nailed it like he always did. He was proud of him for always rising above what he was feeling and doing the right thing...unlike himself. He knew he always took the coward's way out....drinking and drugging himself to avoid problems, thus creating more problems rather than solving them and hurting everyone around him in the process.

Val hadn't missed anything of what had transpired before her. Others might have not taken much notice maybe because they didn't know what to look for but she knew the signs. She saw them! She took off her glasses putting it on top of her head and looked at Shane.

'That song that Harry just sung? That's like a declaration of love. They exchange messages through songs what the fuck?' Shane looked at her skeptically.

'You think so?' Val stood up and looked down at her wife.

'I won't know for sure until I do a little bit of research and talk to some fans. I need to get to my laptop.' She bent down and kissed Adam on his head, then Shane on her lips. 'I'll see you guys later. I need to work.' She started to walk away from them.

'I'll take Adam to the park then,' Shane muttered not sure if Val had even heard her. She turned to Adam. 'What do you say you and me go to the park and for lunch little buddy? I have a feeling mummy is going to be busy for the next few hours with these boys here. Come on my love, let's go fave some fun.' Adam gurgled in her arms happily. Shane stood up, heaved her son further up in her arms and walked out of the stadium.

 

To be continued......


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally its the weekend! Been not so good a week for me but here's hoping to better days. Thank you so much for your kind comments and DM's regarding this fic. I am so happy you all seem to be enjoying it. Ready for this weekend's updates? Of you go then. All the love, M.

Two hours later Shane returned to their hotel suite with a sleeping Adam in her arms. She opened the door slowly and as quietly as she could so she wouldn't wake her little boy and entered their suite living room. She saw Val sitting on the couch with her laptop in her lap, chewing on a pen stuck between her teeth, the coffee table littered with sheets of paper she had scribbled her notes on. Shane walked gingerly towards her and motioned to her that she was going to put Adam down in his crib in their room. When she came back she looked at Val who was typing away on her laptop. Shane smiled, a fond smile she only reserved for her wife.

'So Sherlock, how did your detective work go regarding "Larry Stylinson"?' Shane asked her, air quoting Larry Stylinson. Val huffed and deposited her chewed up pen behind her ear. She pushed up her glasses further up her nose and looked up at Shane. Shane could see that she was tired.

'Can I have some tea first love? I feel drained.' Shane smiled broadly at her.

'Sure my love. Anything for you,' she told her as she walked into the small kitchenette and made tea. When she came back, she sat down next to Val and placed two mugs of tea on the coffee table amidst the pile of papers on it. Val removed her laptop off of her and sat up straighter twisting her neck here and there trying to ease out a kink in her muscles.

'Here let me do that,' Shane offered. Val turned in her seat, giving Shane her back. Shane began to work out the taught muscles in her neck and shoulders. After all she was a certified physiotherapist so she knew what she had to do.

'God that feels amazing,' Val told her as she let her head roll back on her shoulders and her eyes to drift closed, relishing the feel of Shane's expert hands as she worked at her strained muscles. Shane smiled. She leaned closer and placed a soft kiss behind her wife's ear.

'Glad I can help,' she breathed against her skin. Val shivered. 'So,' Shane asked her as she continued to work on her stressed shoulders and neck, 'what did you find out?' Val took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

'I really don't know what their problem is which is very confusing to me since I always kinda know how to handle things but these two are a damn mystery. They are keeping a secret that's not a secret at all. I mean they have songs that say it all. Songs that talk about their relationship. They actually have fucking songs that talk about their love like Strong, They Don't know About Us, which is kinda funny if you ask me since the whole world kinda knows about them, 18 ,Something Great. Not to mention You and I...I mean with lyrics like "not even the Gods above can separate the two of us?" Like what the fuck? And Harry actually looks at Louis when he says this? I mean they put it out there. They put their relationship out there so why are they even closeted? And don't get me started on No Control. Louis wrote that and its about them fucking!' She turned in her seat to face Shane, Shane's hands falling from her shoulders. 'He wrote a song about them fucking Shane!' Shane looked at her with wide eyes, maybe a little skeptical too but she said nothing so Val barreled on.

'They have matching tattoos too. Like Harry has the ship and Louis the compass. Harry has the anchor and Louis has the rope. Harry has the cage and Louis has the birds. Harry has the butterfly and Louis has "It is what it is" on his god damn chest. Not to even mention that Harry has the rose....'

'And don't tell me Louis has the dagger?' Shane asked her cutting her off.

'Yes!' Val squealed. 'Exactly. And you know what else? They tattooed the first words they said to each other. Shane they met in the fucking toilet and Harry accidentally peeded on Louis. Harry said Opps and Louis said Hi and they have them tattooed on them. What the fuck? I mean who tattoos the first words they said to each other. We surely didn't do that and we're fucking married! Like who does this shit?' Shane looked at Val her brows furrowed in thought. Val scowled at her.

'Don't you fucking tell me its all a coincidence Shane. Not even you and I have that much matching tattoos and we're married. They have couple tattoos Shane c'mon.' Shane sighed heavily.

'Friends do that baby,' she said. Val scoffed rolled her eyes.

'Friends my ass. What kind of friends would tattoo the name of the bar and its icon of the place you went to with your "friend"?' Shane looked at her not getting the meaning. 'Ugh,' Val groaned, rolling her eyes again. 'For the love of God keep up Shane. On their first alleged date, they went to a bar called 17 Black and its icon is a huge stag. Harry has 17Black tattooed on his chest and Louis has the stag tattooed on his arm. What kind of fucking coincidence is that hmm?'

'You sound like a fan,' Shane told her stifling a laugh. Val gave her a smile.

'Talking of fans now here's where is gets interesting. Their fans are like amazing. I have never seen such dedicated people in my life and trust me, I've seen fans. We have seen fans Shay and we are fans of so many bands but Directioners......

'Directioners?' Shane asked raising an eyebrow and a smile playing on her lips. She loved how her wife got so involved with the people she was working with, sometimes even to her own detriment but Shane would not let her mind take her back to those dark days when she thought she would lose her wife.

'Yeah One Direction fans are called Directioners....'

'I thought they were called Larries,' Shane interrupted her. Val rolled her eyes again and sighed heavily.

'God Shane sometimes you can be such a tosser. Larries are those that ship Larry. Directioners are the whole One Direction fandom. Keep up for God's sake! Anyway, the fans they make these really good videos indicating Larry moments, like secret touches between them, glances and such and its all public! What's more, Louis and Harry have never denied Larry Stylinson! Not fucking once! Louis and Harry never denied it. They never confirmed it either but why not shut down rumors if they aren't true? Why all this fucking drama?' Val picked up her tea and took a sip.

'Unless,' Shane said, 'it was all just a bit of friendly banter, you know brotherly love between them and you know, maybe the fans misinterpreted it?' Val stared at her with a disbelieving look.

'Are you like fucking kidding me Shane or? Nothing about those two is friendly or brotherly. If it was brotherly it would be incest! And they are certainly not fuck buddies or friends with benefits.' Shane sat up straighter in her seat and looked at Val a serious look on her face.

'Val honey have you considered that maybe that's what's worrying Louis? That all this got out of hand, that the fans got carried away with Larry and now there's this hanging over him that he's in a relationship with Harry? Maybe it upsets him that people are thinking he's gay when he's not and all that he feels for Harry is friendship?' Val shook her head.

'They are in love Shane,' she told her firmly. Shane reached across and took her hand in both hers.

'Val baby you don't know that,' she told her softly. Val snatched her hand out of Shane's.

'Harry told me they are!' She stopped suddenly and clasped a hand over her mouth when she realized she had said what Harry had told her. Shane realized this instantly.

'Hey hey, its alright I won't tell anyone,' Shane reassured her. Val scowled at her.

'You made me say what he said to me you asshole. God can't you just believe it?'

'What did Harry tell you Val?' Val looked down and bit her lip. Shane sighed loudly. 'You can tell me. Jesus after almost four years of marriage you don't trust me? I know you don't like talking about your people but I'm here to help you Val. And I do want to help you with this case. You can count on me. You HAVE to count on me because I'm not letting you do this by yourself.' Val looked up at her wife and Shane could see that she was debating on what to do.

'Alright. But you better not breathe one word of this Shane or I swear to God...... 

'Val take a breather. I got you yeah. I got you honey. Talk to me.' Val took in a deep breath, exhaled slowly and looked at Shane feeling blessed that she was so lucky to have her.

'Harry told me that they have been in a relationship for the past five years and now Louis decided to end it.' Shane took in what Val had just said.

'Did Louis say the same?' Shane asked her. Val shook her head.

'No, he hasn't said a word about it. Yet.' Shane hesitated for a second, choosing her next words carefully.

'Val honey do you think that's the case? I mean Louis has a girlfriend, what's she called? Elaine?' Val gave Shane a hard look, narrowing her eyes at her wife.

'She's called Eleanor and she's his beard Shane. I know a fucking beard when I see one. Harry and Louis are in love with each other. The were sexually involved.' Shane knew she had to tread carefully with Val. She had to make her see that maybe things were a little different here. She didn't want Val to think that she had a repeat of Abel and Ryan's case here.

'Guys that age experiment Val. You said they started out when Harry was 16 and Louis 18? Boys experiment just like girls do. Maybe it was all just a bit of fun that got out of hand with them being in the public eye. You have to keep all options open here Val. Harry told you HIS version of things but Louis never said anything has he?'

'Jesus fucking Christ Shane, he hasn't said anything because he's too deep in his damn closet and confused about his sexuality to admit to anything!' Val said angrily. But Shane wasn't going to give up. This will definitely not turn out into another Abel/Ryan situation if she could help it and by God she was going to help and keep her wife safe.

'Have you considered that maybe Louis is a straight guy who can't deal with having a gay guy after him? Maybe that's why he tried to off himself because Harry is harassing him.' Val laughed sarcastically.

'Listen to yourself! You sound like an Anti.' Shane furrowed her brows in confusion.

'A what?' she asked.

'An Anti-Larry. Those that don't believe Larry is real! Just like you and you have them under your God damn nose!' Shane bit her lip trying to hold back her laughter because Val was pissed and if she laughed now, she would unleash her wife's inner dragon.

'Seriously Val? You had one sit down with Louis and Harry and you believe that they are in a secret relationship? You are just going by on what Harry said.' Shane asked her. Val huffed and she did look like a little dragon blowing steam from her nostrils.

'I'm keeping my options open alright. Yeah maybe there's more to it then Harry's version of things way they look at each other, they way they are around each other. You saw them this morning Shay, the longing looks they give each other.'

'I noticed tension between them. It could be due to anything Val.'

'Oh yeah?' Val asked. 'Well straight guys don't tweet "Always in my heart @Harry Styles Yours sincerely Louis Tomlinson" and its fucking nearing two million retweets. Straight guys don't just go around telling Harry they'd marry him in public! They were asked about their relationship several times and neither of them denied it.They had the chance to do it but they just avoid it and dance around the topic. If they weren't what's holding them back from fucking denying it.' Shane got up off the couch feeling frustrated but trying to remain calm for Val. She knew what her wife needed from her and she was trying to give her the support she needed.

'Maybe they never denied it because there is nothing to deny Val. Have you thought of that?'

'Oh my God Shane seriously? You're gonna stand there and give me this crap?'

'Its not crap Val. I'm trying to be realistic here for your sake alright. If Louis and Harry wanted to be together, what's keeping them apart?'

'Management!' Val spat out at Shane. 'Simon. Syco. A contract! The shit lot of them Shay that's who and what's keeping them apart. Harry told me.'

'Why are you so quick to believe Harry when Louis hasn't even said anything?' Shane asked her desperately. Val shrugged.

'Because I am a good judge of character. Harry can't make up a five year relationship even if he tried. Someone who's lying doesn't make up all those little details and I saw the way his face lit up when he told his story with Louis from the first day they started out. Why the fuck are you fighting me on this Shane? Why are you doubting my expertise?' Shane sat back down next to Val and took her hand.

'I'm not fighting you or doubting your abilities love. I'm just being real here. If they are so in love why did Louis leave him? Why does he have a girlfriend? Why did he try to kill himself?' Val looked down and shook her head.

'I don't know yet. He won't talk to me remember? But it has to be management. That Simon is a fucking viper and you should know that Shane. You know they type of contracts they make them sign! You know they closet artists! Come on, YOU know! Harry told me all they have been through because of them so all this that's happening has to be coming from management.'

'But all you have is what Harry said love. You need both sides of the story,' Shane told her sweetly. Val looked at her with wide eyes.

'But why would Harry lie?' Shane squeezed Val's hand in hers.

'Val sweetheart he didn't lie. His version of things might be different than those of Louis'. If he's in love with him...'

'Not if,' Val cut her off. 'Harry is in love with Louis.' Shane smiled at her.

'Well then since Harry is in love with Louis, he might see things from a different perspective. Remember yourself love? It took me some time to convince you that you were in love with me. Remember how you would not believe I was in love with you because you did not consider yourself gay? My perspective then was different than yours because I was in love with you already. Until you realized that you were madly in love with me.' Shane smirked at her and Val let out a huge breath and moved closer to Shane cuddling into her side. Shane draped her arm around Val's shoulders and pulled her closer.

'Maybe you're right. Maybe Harry's perspective is different to Louis' because he's in love with him. He did tell me he thinks that he made Louis gay. Not that I believe it mind you. You can't make someone gay.'

'But I did make you guy,' Shane teased her. 'You were perfectly straight before you met me then you fell for me.' Val slapped her playfully on her thigh.

'Shut up you git! If anything that would make me Bi. Or Pan. No lesbo! But maybe Louis is straight which I highly doubt by the way and I am hardly wrong about my judgement of people's characters. Maybe he needs his closet doors shoved open and a kick in the arse in the right direction. He needs to see sense and start talking to me. Ugh after just one session these two got me knotted up in a tight bun dammit. Maybe I should see them together. Both of them at the same time.' Shane looked at her doubtfully.

'Do you think that would make Louis talk and open up? In front of Harry?' Val sighed.

'Guess not. He's closed up as a clam as it is. Not to mention how awkward he is around Harry so nah don't think that's a good idea.' Val sat up and looked at Shane. 'And I need to talk to his girlfriend Eleanor.'

'Why?,' Shane tasked her.

'Something is off with her. From the little I saw, she's more in a relationship with her phone than she is with Louis. I mean, the whole while they were rehearsing she was on the phone. She didn't spare any attention to Louis. Now what does that tell you?'

'That maybe she was on the phone with a family member and that she and Louis are so in love they don't need to constantly be proving it by fussing over each other?' Shane asked her. Val scowled at her.

'Don't be an asshole Shane. I saw her glare at Harry too and not in a nice way. Something here doesn't fit. Something is just not right at all. And I will find out what it is. All I need is for Louis to start talking. I have a feeling he holds many answers to my many questions.' Shane bent down and kissed Val on her nose.

'Then you need to work on Louis my love. You kinda know where you are with Harry but Louis needs more work and attention. However, I don't want you getting too attached or too stressed. And don't start shaking your head at me. Let me finish. I know you get close to them and you can't help it because that's the way you are. You want to save everyone but Val not everyone can be saved or wants to be saved. Louis needs to want to be saved in order for you to save him. If he doesn't, there is nothing you or anyone can do no matter how hard you try. I am looking out for you here alright. I know you have a big heart and you love quickly and hell these boys look like they're really nice and for a very famous band they are quite down to earth and normal but Val please, don't let yourself be dragged into it again. Remember what it did to us last time. I love you and I don't want to see you hurt again. Promise?' Val cupped Shane's face in both her hands and pulled her face closer to hers.

'I promise I won't get attached to them.' She placed a soft kiss on her lips. 'I love you and thank you for your support even though you are an anti and an asshole. But I will prove you and the 20% of the antis in the fandom that Larry is fucking real. Just watch me.' Val winked at Shane and they both burst out laughing.

'Whatever,' Shane told her. Val grabbed her lap top again.

'I need to chat to some fans. I need to know more,' Val told her. Shane got up and stretched.

'Okay. I'm gonna hit the gym. I feel rusty. Dinner out tonight or room service and lazy night in?' Shane asked her as she walked towards the door.

'Room service,' Val replied not taking her eyes off her laptop. Shane smiled to herself and walked out, closing the door softly behind her.


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning and Happy Sunday. Here is another chapter for this weekend. Hops you like it. All the love, M.

Louis' POV.

 

Our first concert in Japan was another hit. Another sold out venue. I love Japan. It is one of the places I love to be in most. Nothing particular about my reasons. I just like it. Maybe it's Harry's influence on me because he truly loved Japan and maybe his love for the country has grown on me too. I feel very relaxed whenever we are in Japan. I remember that one time when Harry and me had a few days off and we went MIA and we spent those few days in Japan by ourselves. We have acquired a few friends over there but why am I thinking about the past? It serves no purpose for me to think about those days so yeah back to the present. So the concert was amazing. The fans as always were awesome. Japanese fans are slightly different than other fans in the fandom. They tend to be more quiet. At some point during the concert, Harry found it entertaining to talk without a mic and he was actually heard throughout the venue, that's how quiet it was. He's like a little kid sometimes. He gets excited over stuff like this. I feel glad that he is slowly returning to his usual self, that goofy, dorky, smiley little deer that he is. But the fans were happy and he was happy and I was especially happy when he called out my name and I managed to reply in my usual Oi Oii to him before I had to swallow down my very fast beating heart and excitement. The way he says my name, I dunno, sounds lovely coming from him and I missed it.

After the concert, I knew I needed to be alone so I retreated to the tour bus. I'd take the tour bus over a hotel room any day especially when I want to write something. Everyone has been planning to go out for Sushi after the show to celebrate but I'm really not in the mood for celebrating. Another five days and we have ten days off which I need very much. I need to distance myself from all this and just go back home and be me. I'm glad Lottie is here though. She is Lou's apprentice now. My baby sister is learning hair and make up with Lou who turned out to be an old friend of Val and Shane's. They met backstage at our Perth concert and it was like a Brady Bunch reunion. From the little I paid attention to, they attended the same college and where friends back in the day when they were some sort of hippie groupies who stalked their favorite bands.

I was glad to see Xander and Jeff leave. That was a plus in my depressing life. They left after the concert in Perth and I have to admit, their departure felt like a weight being lifted off my shoulders. I hated to see Harry cling to Xander as if he was his fucking lifeline! I know I'm a selfish asshole but I just don't like the guy so sue me! The way he hovers over Harry, the way he's always so protective of him, the way he touches him with careful, gentle fingers and it just makes my fucking skin crawl and my nerves tingle. Xander seems to know what Harry needs but what the fuck does he know about him? I will not fucking listen to that small voice in my head that tells me that he probably knows Harry more than I do which is fucking impossible but the way he is around Harry, makes me doubt myself. Maybe he does know him more than I do! He certainly doesn't take him for granted like I did. However, during our ten day break, Harry is going over to L.A. I don't know why it bothers me so much that he is going to be spending ten days with that twat Jeff which will probably mean that Xander will be there too. And I can't understand his obsession with L.A! I mean he's British for fuck's sake! He says all his friends are there. Yeah Cara and Kendall and Nadine and Jeff and Randy and Cindy and Xander! What about his British friends? He's got British friends too! I tell myself he's free to do whatever he wants now, see who he wants. I mean we're not together anymore so I guess he kinda gets to do what he wants. Then why does it fucking kill me inside to know that he will be there?

I rest my back against the couch of the tour bus and look at the joint Zayn gave me earlier tonight on the table in front of me. I know I shouldn't but I need it. I have been trying to distract myself by writing in my notebook, scribbling lyrics that are swimming in my head, things I want to say but I just don't know how. I feel tense and wound up and stressed. I throw my pen on the table, get up and walk to the small kitchenette and open the fridge, grabbing a bottle of beer. I open it and take a swig. My head is pounding. My ears are still ringing from the noise of the concert but I relish the silence of the bus. I actually welcome it. Lately I have been wanting too much of my own company and that scares the shit out of me because I have always been a people's person. I always love having loads of people around me. So this wanting to be all by myself is quite new. Its always been Harry and I and when Harry had to be elsewhere, I had my lads. Now I just want to be by meself. I'm turning into a depressive geezer.

I sit back down on the couch and place the bottle on the table in front of me. I pick up the joint and light it. I take in a drag and let it hit me. I missed this feeling. The feeling of floating away, of feeling light and detached from everything holding me down. I rest my head on the back of the couch and let the feeling of peace and relaxation wash over me, my mind going blank, my feelings scattered in the wind. I smile as I close my eyes and embrace this temporary freedom within where I don't have to worry about anything or anyone. All my problems, worries and heartaches have dissolved into the puff of white smoke I exhale.

I hear a rapping sound in the distance and for a moment I wonder if its my heart rapping against my chest. I smile and take another hit. My body is so relaxed and my mind so empty. I raise my head and open my eyes. What is that rapping sound? Its fucking annoying. I take a swig of my beer and swallow. I realize then that the rapping sound is someone knocking on the bus door.

'Come in,' I drawl out and my voice sounds foreign to me in my own ringing ears. I don't have the will to move to go see who the fuck is disturbing my peace. The door opens and I adjust my vision and I see Val walking towards me. Fuck! Must she come here now when I'm just letting go of all my anxieties?

'There you are,' she tells me and I hear the relief in her voice. Is she seriously worried about me? I force myself to smile at her.

'You found me,' I tell her as I take another drag on my smoke. She sits down next to me and I can feel her looking at me. I don't know what irritates me the most about her. The fact that she monitors my heart, the fact that she wants me to trust her or the fact that I feel that I can trust her but I don't know how. I'm fighting against her when what I really want is to let it all out of her, let her see what she can make out of my messed up fucked up self. I stifle a giggle. Anyway, she is annoying and she's downing my high.

'What do you want Val?' I ask her not really up for a chat with her. I want to escape my problems not face them.

'Are you getting high?' she asks me and I laugh internally. Isn't it obvious woman?

'I'm trying to,' I tell her hoping she gets the hint that she's disturbing me and leaves. Doesn't she have a wife and a child to look after the lucky bitch?

'Cool,' she tells me. 'Can I have a drag?' I look at her curiously. Who the fuck is she anyway? She's a married woman with a child and my shrink and she wants to share my joint?

'You want a hit?' I ask her just to make sure I'm not hallucinating and casually forcing her to have a smoke. She smiles at me and nods her head a couple of times.

'Yeah,' she replies like its the most normal thing in the world. What the fuck is her deal really? I stare at her clearly confused.

'You do this shit?' I ask her. She smiles at me and takes the joint from between my fingers.

'Man I was doing this shit while you were still in diapers,' she says as she puts the joint to her lips and takes a deep drag, holding in the smoke then letting it out slowly and gradually. She leans her head back and smiles, her eyes hooded. 'Eh I forgot the feeling of utter relaxation you get from this shit. Kinda makes you forget.....'

'Yeah it does,' I interrupt her but she raises her head and gives me a look, a hard look.

'That its a drug and it shouldn't be taken you moron,' she tells me and dumps out the perfectly good joint in my perfectly good beer bottle.

'What the fuck?' I tell her though I don't sound as angry as I feel. She turns in her seat and looks at me.

'You missed two sessions Louis,' she barks at me. I know I have and I don't really give a shit I want to tell her.

'Doesn't that tell you something?' I throw at her hoping she'll get it and leave me the fuck alone.

'Don't be a prick,' she growls at me. I chuckle both at her comment and at her being so fierce. She's tiny how can she be fierce? She's like one of those little Chihuahua motherfuckers that growl at you and bare their teeth at you while nipping at your ankles.

'Nothing new there Val. You might just want to be a little more creative when throwing decorative nouns at me. I must warn you I got them all already.'

'You know,' she tells me calmly, 'you remind me so much of Johnny Rotten from The Sex Pistols. He was a right little shite like you.' I feel my eyes widen at her statement.

'You worked with Johnny Rotten?' I ask her and I can't hide the surprise in my tone. I mean to have worked with Johnny Rotten that's a big wow! Maybe she worked with Sid Vicious too! He surely needed help! She smirks at me as she pushes her glasses up her nose.

'Pfff what do I look like? A grandma? He was way before my time.' She smiles at me and leans closer. 'There's a thing called Biography. Comes in books and also DVD's and audio books. You can enhance your knowledge of people with them.' I roll my eyes at her.

'And looks who's sitting here judging me and calling me a little shit. I can say the same for you can't I?' She smiles again.

'Yeah my wife tells me that on a daily basis. You might want to be a little more creative when throwing descriptive nouns at me.' She winks at me and she really is an annoying little shit.

'Can you go away now small therapist person? I came here to be on my own and you are interrupting me,' I tell her giving her a scowl to show my irritation at being disturbed.

'You didn't come to therapy so therapy comes to you,' she tells me with a grin on her elfish looking face. 'I'm very flexible.'

'What are you my mum?' I ask her but it comes out more like a whine then a complaint.

'That I am not. But if I were, I'd fucking box your ears and whip your ass for being a Diva Dick.' What the fuck??? Did she just call me a Diva Dick?

'You know for a tiny person you are hugely annoying and bossy,' I throw at her. She smiles.

'I agree. I mean look at you. You are the tiniest of your group but you are greatly annoying and high on the sass.'

'Excuse you? I am not tiny. I'll have you know I am 5'9.' I watch as she rolls her eyes at me. Cocky!

'Yeah and I'm the fucking queen of England. Now put your attitude aside Louis and start talking to me. In two days I have to present Modest with my first evaluation of you.' I scoff at her.

'Tell them to kiss my ass!' I tell her non too gently. I see her take in a deep breath. I know I am being difficult but I can't help it. I can't talk about my feelings. I don't want to. If I do...I will break and I can't do that.

'Louis,' she tells me softly and I hear the tiredness in her voice. Good, she will soon give up. I get up and walk to the tiny fridge.

'You are a royal pain in the ass,' I tell her, 'since you think you're the queen of England anyway. You want a beer?' I ask her but grab two bottles before she even replies. I walk back to the couch and sit, placing a bottle in front of her. She takes a sip out of her bottle and looks at me.

'You know it's okay not to be okay right?' I hear what she says but I choose not to say anything. I know she is going to lecture me and I know she's going to hit me right where its tender and where its still raw and its going to hurt me and she will probably make me bleed again. I stare straight ahead, not wanting her to see the emotions I'm already feeling play on my face. I need to build up my walls.

'Talk to me about Harry Louis. There's a limit to how much a person can take and I know you are close to reaching your's.' And there is the magic word, the word that crushes me. His name. Those five simple letters because let's face it, his name is quite common. That common name that belongs to an extraordinary human being and that's just what I tell her.

'He's extraordinary' I whisper. I take a swing of my beer, my eyes still straight ahead.

'That he is,' Val tells me and I hear the smile and pride in her voice. Who is she? She's been with us just over a week and its like she knows him but I guess that's her job. 'Now you tell me your version of Harry Styles. Everyone knows he's extraordinary but I want your version of why he is extraordinary to you.' Why is she doing this to me? He is a topic I want to avoid. She's the expert possibly can't she see that?

'I thought you wanted to know about me. Why I drink and do shit and nearly offed meself,' I tell her because on this topic I can talk. I can tell her what a screw up I am but I can't talk about the past. I feel her shift on the couch and when look at her, I see that she's getting comfortable. Fuck! It's going to be long night.

'Fire away,' she tells me. 'I'm all ears.' I take a deep breath. What do I tell her to get her off my back yet not expose myself too much?

'The reason I drink and take recreational drugs occasionally is because I feel like I'm losing myself more and more every fucking day. It's like I don't know me anymore. I'm not the same Louis I was before the X Factor. I was a different Louis then. I had hopes and dreams. I wanted to achieve things for meself and I have achieved a lot, more than I had hoped for actually but along the way I've lost my faith in love, in friendship, in hope....in everything really.' I pause and wait for her onslaught of questions.

'Why is that Louis?' I shrug and take a drink from my beer bottle.

'I have been trying really hard to keep my shit together and I just woke up one day and realized that I can't handle anything of much anymore. I kept trying to make it go away but how do you kill a feeling? And then it all started to fall apart. Maybe I'm just too fucking complicated for anyone to love me. Maybe my friends just use me cos of my fame and fortune and are my friends just because I take them with me on tour and treat them to stuff. I dunno.' I shrug again not really certain why I'm telling her all this. Maybe I'm hoping she will just take all that I'm saying and go tell those fuckers at Modest that success has fucked me up, that I'm just another screwed up star who lost his shit in the midst of success. She is thinking. I can hear her brain working and I know she's analyzing what I said. She looks at me with her grey eyes from behind her black framed glasses.

'Your thoughts kill you don't they?' she asks me gently and I sigh in relief because finally I am getting somewhere with her. 'You know, I have been googling you guys for quite a while now and I am quite amazed by your fandom.' I look at her and wonder what she's on about. Why is she interested in our fandom? I thought at least she would be interested in our music but our fans? She must notice the confused look on my face because she gives me a small smile. 'Did they make the whole Larry Stylinson thing up Louis? Did they create this beautiful love story between you and Harry? Because I'm telling you, if they did, they have put good old Will Shakespeare and the Bronte sisters to shame because not even they with Romeo and Juliet and Heathcliff and Catherine or Jane and Mr. Rochester come even close to you and Harry.' Her words stun me. I feel my throat go dry and I feel my heart beginning to race. I knew she didn't buy into my shit. She looks at me long and hard and I feel my body begin to tremble. 'Tell me what happened with Harry since you were eighteen Louis.' I want to tell her that a disaster happened, that like the characters she mentioned, all fucked up as they were, that Harry and I were a tragedy too just like them. 

Instead, I take in a deep breath and exhale slowly. I can't lie to her anymore or hide or evade this situation. She's backed me into a corner and I can't walk away. I look at her and she nods, encouraging me to go on. Easy for you woman but so so hard for me. I clear my throat.

'I met Harry when we auditioned for the X Factor.' I stop as I recall the first time I saw him. 'The little shit pissed on me.' I see Val's eyes grow wide.

'Oh yea that,' she says, laughter in her voice. I let out a chuckle and I feel myself begin to relax a little. Those memories are innocent and beautiful.

'Yeah. I went into the toilet and he was peeing and he accidentally pissed on me. He looked at me with those big green eyes of his and a mop of curly hair and he just said 'opps.' He must've thought I was going to be pissed off at him or something but I just couldn't, not with those innocent eyes staring at me like that. So I just said hi to him and so it began.' I take a swig from my beer and can't help the crushing pain I feel in my heart at the recollection of this beautiful memory of the first time I lay my eyes on Harry and the moment my heart let him in. The moment that changed my life forever.

'What began then?' Val asked me. I smile to myself as my mind brings everything up before my eyes like a movie playing in HD.

'Our careers began then, this crazy beautiful journey we have been on and also the greatest love story of my life.' I chance a look at Val and I can see that she's emotional. Her eyes are shining and she's pressing her lips together. Is she like gonna fucking cry on me or? I hope not. I might have to go get her wife for her and I don't know where to look for her.

'Tell me about it Louis,' she urges me, her voice soft and kind. If she carries on like this she is going to make me even more emotional then I already am and I don;t want to cry in front of her.

'Soon after we got chosen to be a band, Harry and I grew closer. He was only 16, so I felt the need to protect him and be there for him. He missed his family a lot especially his mum. He's quite close to Anne and to Gemma but with Anne he is very close and he missed her. When they put us in a house together, sometimes he used to come climb into bed with me and snuggle with me. Harry is a cuddler. He loves to cuddle and I never knew how to say no to him. The little shit knew that and I never denied him anything. I took care of him and was there for him and made sure he never felt lonely. He used to tell me that I was his home.' I stop. A lump is forming in my throat threatening to choke me. The more I try to swallow it down the more it squeezes my throat shut pushing the tears that I feel forming in my eyes. I feel Val's hand cover mine. Her tiny hand is warm and it's nice. She gives my hand a gentle squeeze.

'Take your time,' she tells me softly and her kindness and understanding is making me want to cry, is making me want to just get it all off my chest. Harry said I can trust her. Harry said I can tell her everything.

'Then we moved in together,' I continue and chuckle at the memory. 'It was so much fun back then. I was the adult but it didn't feel like that at all. Harry was quite mature for 16 years old. Actually I was more of a 14 year old than an 18 year old. He knew how to cook and he was so damn tidy. Still is. He hates messes.' I drift away on my thoughts of Harry, remembering those days in the beginning where it was just fun and excitement. I take in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

'Slowly I began to fall for him. And it kinda confused me because he was a boy. I was a boy. It confused me but we fell in love. It was like a dream. Everyday I woke up to him sleeping next to me knowing I had the day to look forward to being with him, that addictive smile of his, those bright green eyes that looked at me full of the same love I felt inside. Together we were taking over the world and when each day was done, and we'd crawl back into bed together, I'd fall asleep with my arms securely wrapped around him and him cuddled into me, snoring softly and I'd drift off into happy sleep knowing that the next day I got to do it all over again with this special boy that loved me just as much as I loved him.' I swallow back against the damn lump in my throat. I drink some beer hoping it will wash it down but it doesn't. Its there choking me and I need the release. A tear rolls down my cheek and I quickly wipe it away with the back of my hand. I clear my throat and reach for my pack of cigarettes and light one. I can feel Val watching me but I'm thankful that she's giving me time to adjust, letting me do this in my own time. She shifts in her seat, crossing one leg over the other.

'Louis, just because you both are of the same gender doesn't mean its wrong. Love is just love. You never know who your heart and soul are going to fall for. It's irrelevant of gender really.' I know what she's trying to tell me but its not that easy.

'This issue has never been easy with me. I had no doubt about my love for Harry. I just.....it was just...complicated for me. And being in the public eye didn't make it any easier. Its hardly easy for normal people, let alone for us.' She looks at me and I know she is taking in all that I am saying. And I must press on this issue. This should be the focus of my problems.

'Louis when did you and Harry become sexually active? Was he still under 18 when you two.....?

'Oh God no,' I stop her right there. I can't let her think that, that I took Harry at such a young age. I shake my head. 'No. It wasn't like that at all. I....I was the eldest and I knew my limits. He didn't though.' I laugh softly. 'Harry was very.......sexual and very very horny even at the age of 16. If he'd had his way....well we would've had sex right away.' Again my mind takes me back.......

 

FLASHBACK

 

Louis felt nervous. It was Harry's 18th birthday and he had been fussing all week about preparing something special for him. He was his boyfriend after all and he wanted to make him feel extra special today since his family weren't here. It was one year seven months since they had first met on the X Factor and have been together ever since. Louis loved him so much.

But Louis was nervous for another reason too. He knew what Harry wanted today and he had promised him that as soon as he'd turn 18, they would. Louis knew that Harry would want to make love tonight. Come to think of it, Harry had been wanting to have sex for a while now but Louis didn't think it was right for him to have sex with Harry being under the age of 18. It didn't feel right although he knew that many teenagers had sex at 16 and 17 but him being older than Harry, he just didn't feel it was right. He might be old fashioned but it was all about morals and respect. His mother had brought him up right. Yes they had given each other hand jobs and blow jobs but that was as far as Louis would allow things to go. There was one time when they had come really close to doing it and Harry had begged him to carry on but Louis had stuck to no even though he had wanted so much to lose himself inside Harry but he wanted Harry to be an adult when he made the decision to lose his virginity. Taking Harry while under the legal age, made Louis felt like he was stripping him of his virginity. Maybe Harry would get tired of him and regret having given his virginity to Louis. Maybe Louis was not the one for Harry and Harry would meet somebody else whom he's wish he'd given his first time to. So no, Louis wanted to wait until Harry was an adult and made adult decisions.

And today his beautiful boy turned 18 and Louis knew Harry would be expecting things to go further tonight. They were on tour at the moment and he couldn't really take Harry out on a date unless they wanted to get mobbed by fans so he had organized with the help of Liam, Zayn and Niall a romantic candle light dinner in his room.

Louis looked at his phone to check the time. 7:30 pm. Harry was supposed to have been here 15 minutes ago. He had hardly finished the thought when he heard a soft knock on the door. The butterflies in Louis' stomach went bat shit crazy. He rubbed his palms together and walked to the door and opened it. He gasped when he saw Harry dressed in a white button down shirt over his dark blue jeans, his mass of curly hair framing his beautiful pale face, his bright green eyes shining happily and his plump pink lips turned up in a smile that popped his dimples. Louis' breath hitched as he stared down his beautiful boy.

'Hey,' Harry told him as Louis stepped aside for him to enter. 'Sorry I'm late....' but Harry stopped mid-apology when he saw the small table near the balcony doors with the white table cloth and candles on it. He turned to look at Louis with a surprised look on his face.

'You did this for me?' he asked him. Louis felt his cheeks burn. Was it too cheesy? Too romantic? But Harry was romantic! He walked towards Harry stopping just inches away from him.

'Happy birthday Harry,' Louis whispered against Harry's lips then leaned in further, catching Harry's lips in a soft kiss. He could feel Harry's hands on the sides of his waist, his fingers curling into his shirt. Harry parted his slips slightly, swiping the tip of his tongue along Louis' lower lip. Louis inhaled sharply and let his tongue slip inside Harry's warm mouth. Immediately, Harry crushed his body to Louis', tightening his grip on his waist, pulling him even closer. Louis deepened the kiss, melting into Harry. Louis pulled him inside and closed the door, not breaking the kiss. He could feel Harry's half hard dick pushing against his hip and Louis let out a small moan into Harry's mouth. Suddenly he felt Harry's fingers undoing the buttons of his shirt deftly. Louis pulled back, breathless, his lips still brushing Harry's, their foreheads touching.

'Someone's eager,' Louis whispered, smiling against Harry's lips. Harry pecked his lips gently.

'I've waited long enough Lou,' he told him a little breathless. 'I am an adult now. I want you,' he purred huskily as he pulled Louis towards the bed. Harry sat on the bed and looked up at Louis who was standing before him, his shirt open looking down uncertainly at Harry. Harry noticed the pensive look on Louis' face and took his hand in his and gently played with his fingers.

'Don't you want me?' Harry asked him quietly, his innocent eyes bright. Louis sat down next to Harry and cupped his cheek in his hand, his thumb brushing his plump lower lip.

'Of course I want you Harry. I've wanted you for a very long time. I'm just...I just don't want you to regret this. You're just 18 maybe you should wait before giving yourself to me. I mean you could grow out of me and fall for someone else and you will regret...' Harry put his index finger on Louis' lips silencing him.

'Louis there will never come a time when I will want someone else. Ever. You are my forever. You are it for me.' Louis smiled at Harry's innocence.

'Harry forever is a very long time,' Louis told him as he caressed his cheek lovingly. Harry nodded with determination.

'I know. That's how long I want you for. I'm sure about this. If there's anyone I want to give myself to, its you Louis. I love you.' Louis swallowed hard and blinked several times trying to keep the tears from falling.

'You love me?' he whispered. Harry grinned at him.

'I thought you knew that by now you twat. I think I have made it pretty clear to you haven't I?' Harry could see that Louis was getting emotional. He scooted closer to him and put his hand on his thigh. 'I will always want you Louis. I promise you. There will never come a day where I won't want you. There will never be anyone else for me. Its just you.'

Louis felt a tear roll down his cheek. His heart felt too big to fit in his chest. It was beating too fast and too loud. This angel loved him. They had said I love you to each other countless time but nothing this deep, nothing like this. Harry wanted forever with him! Louis wiped his eyes and leaned in towards Harry and kissed him softly. When he pulled back he looked deep into Harry's green eyes.

'Okay if you're sure,' he told him and Harry nodded excitedly, his curls bouncing on his head. Louis smiled at him and touched his cheek.

'I have to warn you though, I might not be good at this. I'm a virgin like you. I don't know how exactly to do this. I had to watch gay porn because of you to educate myself!' He saw Harry's eyes widen in astonishment and a big smile spread across his face.

'You didn't!' he exclaimed, giggling.

'I did!' Louis said laughing. 'And its thanks to them that I learned a thing or two.' Harry moved closer, his lips hovering over Louis'.

'Hmm I can't wait to see what you've learned,' Harry whispered seductively. Louis looked down, as if deep in thought. Harry's face went serious. 'What is it Lou? What's wrong?' Louis looked up at Harry.

'I also did some research and your first time well, its gonna hurt just so you know. So we have to go really slow and you have to promise to stop me if I hurt you alright?' Harry grinned at Louis.

'To have you and finally feel you inside me, it will be worth the pain.'

 

END OF FLASHBACK.

 

I take a deep shuddering breath and feel it rattle in my chest. The memory was too vivid of the night I first too Harry. I had taken him so gently and so reverently but still it had hurt and he had cried as he clung to me and took me in but it had been amazing. I had never been with anyone before him, and after him, I didn't want anybody else. I never told anyone about this but here I am telling Val about our first time and I really don't know why I chose this particular episode of our relationship to tell her. Maybe because its very dear to me. Maybe because it was the highlight of our relationship at the time but all I know is that the first time for both of us was the moment I truly realized I could never live without him. Yet here I am, without him. I lied to him. I broke my promises to him so I deserve all I'm getting. Harry deserves someone who would treat him better, someone like Xander.

'Why did you leave him Louis?' Val asks me and I really don't want to talk about this not now when my heart is open and its hurts as fuck and I'm bleeding all over the god damn floor of the tour bus. I shake my head at her, silently telling her that I can't. I just can't. I feel her hand on mine once again, she squeezes it reassuringly. I have to give her something.

'I...I couldn't deal anymore with the hassles of being in a relationship with him. Too much shit was going on and I just couldn't deal,' I tell her hoping she will leave it. She takes a sip of her beer.

'Management?' she asks me. I nod.

'Management, beards, my issues with my own sexuality, the hiding, the pressure. It was too much for me to handle so much. Having to be kept away from him and having to be with Eleanor. It was just too much. I finally snapped.'

'Is that why you tried to "accidentally" kill yourself?' she asks me and it's not lost on me the sarcasm in her "accidentally". I know she doesn't believe it.

'They took my friends away Val. Cal used to hook me up with a fix every now and then. Being in this life is hard. Not that I'm ungrateful or anything but its hard and sometimes you need something to take the edge off. I never did any hard drugs mind you. I needed my friends. I felt lonely. I found Harry's pills and well.....' I drift off not really wanting to say anymore. I feel very tired and I'm emotionally exhausted.

'Do you want to be with Eleanor Louis? Or is she just a cover up?' I look at her a little startled by her statement. She has done her research really well. I take a deep breath.

'She was a cover up in the past but this time...this time its different.'

'In what way?' she asks me. God can't she just stop already.

'First off, I am not with Harry anymore so there is nothing for her to cover up and second of all, she is not working for Modest anymore. Over the past four years when she was my beard, we became very close and I'm pretty fond of her. She's my best friend so yeah this time we are trying for a real relationship.' I am thankful that I sound confident in what I just told her. I watch her as she purses her lips, deep in thought. My hands are sweaty and they are shaking.

'Do you love her?' she finally asks me. Do I love her??? What kind of a question is that?

'Of course I do,' I tell her straight up. Val smiles at me and leans a little closer to me.

'Of course you do. But the real question I should ask you here is: are you in love with her?' I feel that question like a slap in my face. How do I answer it? What do I tell her? I look down at the table as I nervously peel the label off my beer bottle letting the shards of paper fall onto the table top. She keeps her eyes on me and I know my silence will give my game away but let her think what she wants. I don't have to confirm anything. It will go away if I don't confirm it. I know she is going to assume that my silence means I'm not in love with her and that I still love Harry but frankly she can think what she wants. I don't owe her anything. Again she pats my arm.

'It's okay Louis. It's still a brand new relationship and you've known her for a while so you two must be really good friends and falling in love takes time but it's great to fall in love with a friend. I mean she knows you and you know her so yeah being friends first then falling in love is great. Will sure to make the relationship last.' I turn my head slowly towards her as she takes a sip of her beer. Is she fucking kidding me or? Is she using her sarcasm on me or does she really think that? I don't want to ask her. Let her think what the fuck she wants. I see her hand reaching out to my notebook.

'May I?' she asks me. She wants to read my scribbles? My lyrics? Coming from my messed up mind? I shrug. She pulls the notebook towards her and opens it. I watch her scan the scribbling on the pages and my heart thuds in my chest. What am I waiting for? Approval? Recrimination on my shitty writing? She smiles.

'Oh I like this,' she tells me. 'It's inevitable everything that's good comes to an end. It's impossible to know if after this we can still be friends. Unforgettable together, held the whole world in our hands. Unexplainable, a love that only we could understand. I know there's nothing I can do to change it, but is it something that can be negotiated?' She looks up from the notebook and looks at me from behind her glasses, her eyes wide. 'This is some deep shit here Louis. You expressed yourself in these few sentences more than this whole conversation we've had. What's this one called?' I lean to look at what she's reading.

'Love You Goodbye,' I tell her. I know she's going to put one and one together and figure out that I am writing it about my break up with Harry. She says nothing though which is surprising since she always seems to have an opinion and something to say about everything. She flips through the pages, scanning my messy handwriting. I feel like I'm in middle school at the Principle's office while he's scanning my awful homework. She points her finger at a new song I'm writing.

'Make a little conversation, so long I've been waiting to let go of myself and feel alive. So many nights I thought it over told myself I kind of liked her but there was something missing in her eyes,' she reads out loud and it doesn't take a genius to realize what I'm writing about here. She throws me a look, a really knowing look which leaves me no doubt whatsoever that she's already working out the thoughts I put behind these words. Still she says nothing and continues to read. 'I was stumbling, looking in the dark with an empty heart. But you say you feel the same, could we ever be enough? Baby we could be enough? So hot that I couldn't take it want to wake up and see your face and remember how good it was being here last night. Still high with a little feeling I see the smile as it starts to creep in it was there, I saw it in your eyes. And it's alright calling out for somebody to hold tonight. When you're lost, I'll find the way I'll be your light, you'll never feel like you're alone. I'll make this feel like home.' She stopped reading and looked up at me.

'Louis, that's beautiful. Oh my God it's amazing. The way you express yourself.' She stops and I look at her and her face is a mixture of sympathy and understanding and it makes me weak inside because I want to tell her more.....I want to tell her....but she speaks to me again before I can make up my mind on whether I should say anything further or not. 'You wrote these for Harry right?' she asks me and once again I choose to remain silent. I don't want to confirm anything. 'Louis,' she says softly, 'why did you leave Harry? Why are you doing this to yourself?'

'I already told you why I left him for fuck's sake don't you get it?' I yell at her because honestly I've reached my limit of patience. I've sat here and talked and answered questions. I've opened up as much as I can. I have made myself vulnerable and I'm hurting and remembering and visiting memories I never want to visit again. All because of her. 'Enough alright.'

'I don't believe you,' she tells me, 'a person who writes these types of songs for the person he loves, doesn't just up and leave his boyfriend of five years only because shit got too hard to deal with and he suddenly wants to date his female best friend. You're not making sense Louis.' That's it! I'm not taking anymore shit from her. I get up off the couch and look down at her.

'I don't care what you believe. My life is my own as are my reasons for what I do. Now please leave because I'm tired and I want to sleep.' She eyes me carefully but she gets up and stands before me.

'Alright,'she tells me softly.' Eventually you will tell me your real reasons Louis. I'm not going anywhere. I won't give up on you and I will help you.' She starts walking towards the bus door but she stops and turns around. 'And you're not sleeping on the bus tonight. I need you at the hotel where I can monitor you.' What the hell???

'Hey I always sleep on the bus when I want to be alone,' I protest. She looks at me hard.

'Well you are on suicide watch Louis. I need you close.' I chuckle and shake my head.

'This is unbelievable. You can't make me.....'

'I can and I will,' she tells me in a firm voice. I look at her and she looks tense and a little scared. I narrow my eyes at her.

'Who have you lost to suicide?' I ask her softly and I see her face breakout into a million emotion. Her grey eyes are wide behind her glasses and her lower lip trembles. So I was right! She has lost someone. She swallows and stands up straighter.

'My life is not your business. I am here to help YOU. I am here to rid YOU of YOUR demons whether YOU want to or not.' She tells me harshly.

'Why are you so bent on saving me?' I ask her my voice quiet. 'You don't even know me.' I watch her as she looks at me, really looks at me with kind, sad eyes.

'Because you are worth saving Louis. Because your life matters. Because you matter. Because you are loved and your family and friends and fans will be heartbroken if something happened to you. The people that love you are already hurting for all that you are going through. Because you deserve to be loved by the person you love. Because you deserve happiness and because you need to be free. Now,I need you back at the hotel. Don't make it hard for me Louis. Alberto is outside and he will escort you to the hotel.' She walks out of the bus and leaves me alone. Is she fucking serious? Next thing I know, Alberto is on the bus waiting for me to gather my things. I guess she is serious! I make my way after Alberto as he leads the way and I wonder about who she has lost to suicide and if by saving me, maybe she's making up for the person she lost!


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, I'm back with updates. I am sorry for not updating yesterday but today you will get a triple update so here's the first one. Enjoy. All the love, M.

The VIP lounge at the airport was full. Everyone who was part of the One Direction entourage was there waiting for their flight out towards home. For the next ten days, One Direction were going on a break which meant everyone on their entourage was going home to their families and friends. However, due to a sudden unexpected storm, all flights where delayed until further notice. The airport staff made sure that everyone was comfortable and had all they needed. The VIP lounge was spacious, with comfortable couches, a bar that served anything from water to tea to alcohol and snacks and a large viewing window which overlooked the runway. The sky was lead grey, heavy with dark clouds pressing down. The wind was gale force and sheets of heavy rain pounded against the glass, obscuring their view of the parked planes on the tarmac below.

Everyone was relaxed in the warm room waiting for the storm to pass so they could get on their designated flights and head home for a good well earned rest. Louis, Eleanor, Niall, Liam, Zayn, Lottie, Lou, Val, Paul and their band members were waiting for a flight to London while Harry and Shane were waiting for their flight to Los Angeles.

Louis was at the bar with Josh and Sandy having a beer and his eyes drifted lazily to Harry, sitting on a couch across the room. Val sat next to him holding Adam in her lap and Shane was beside her, her arm wrapped around her shoulder. Harry was lost clicking on his phone while Lux stood on the couch behind him putting colored butterfly clips in his hair and muttering to herself. Louis smiled at himself as he watched her. Lux took after her mother where hair was concerned and she loved loved to play with Harry's hair and Harry always let her, just as he was doing now. He never seemed to mind that she tugged and pulled and got his hair all tangled. Louis wondered if he was chatting to Xander, telling him that his flight had been delayed and that he didn't know when it they will take off so that he would be arriving late. It killed him inside to think that Xander would be waiting for him and he felt hot jealously pool inside of him when he imagined Harry spending ten days with that prick and that he would never know what they had been up to. But the reasoning part of his brain told him that Harry was now free, that he had made him free and that he had no right to question Harry's personal life.

Louis had been impressed that Harry had actually stuck to being his friend and he had to admit at least to himself, that Harry was doing a great job of being a friend. He was still caring towards Louis but Louis felt that Harry had drawn an invisible line between them, a line that he was careful not to cross. Louis was impressed with Harry's self control, at how he had kept his word to him. Harry was loyal, Louis knew that better than anyone how loyal Harry was. However it hurt him that Harry had totally given up and moved on. Well what did he expect? He had asked him to be just his friend and he was getting just what he had asked for.

Val turned to look at Harry who was still engrossed in his phone and smiled when she saw all the colorful butterfly clips decorating his hair.

'Nice hair do,' Val told him. Harry looked up from his phone momentarily distracted.

'What?' he asked her. Val nodded towards his hair.

'Your hair, really ace. You should consider it for the next concert.' Without another word Val snapped a pic of him on her phone just as Harry reached to touch his hair and felt all the butterfly clips. Val showed him the picture and he smiled big, popping his dimples. He put the phone down on the couch next to him and reached behind him, grabbing Lux and bringing her to his lap.

'You little minx,' he told her as he tickled her and Lux squirmed and screamed in his lap. 'What did you do to my lovely hair hmm you little angel?' He continued to tickle her and Lux screamed and kicked out, laughing breathlessly. He sat her up in his lap and ceased tickling her giving her time to catch her breath. She looked up at him with her big blue eyes and a smile on her face.

'Pwincess 'arry,' she told him as she touched his curls. 'Pwetty.' Harry grinned at her.

'I'm a Prince not a Princess. You are the Princess. The most pretty Princess ever!' he told her peppering her face with tiny kisses. Lux smiled at him.

'You my pwince 'arry,' she cooed. Harry stroked her hair fondly.

'Yes I am your prince and you are forever my princess now get these clips out of my hair before your mum sees the mess you made and she will yell at us both.' Lux giggled, got up and began pulling the clips out of Harry's hair non to gently, making him wince. Val smiled fondly at him.

'You are so good with children. It's so good to see you laugh Harry,' she told him gently. Harry nodded and his gaze drifted to Louis who was engrossed in a discussion with Sandy and Josh. Val saw him look at Louis. 'So it seems like I will be flying into London with your man and you're flying to L.A with my woman,' Val told him to distract him from the thoughts she knew were clouding his mind.

'My ex-man,' Harry corrected her quietly. Val realized a little too late what had slipped out of her mouth.

'Hmm Ex-man, which one would that be? Wolverine? Magneto? Cyclops? Iceman?' she asked him trying to divert him from her slip up. Harry furrowed his brow clearly not understanding her. Val's eyes widened at him. 'You don't know X-Men? You know from Marvel?' Harry smiled fondly, his eyes dimming.

'Louis loves Marvel. He's into that. I'm not really into that kind of thing,' he told her. He remembered Louis' Marvel DVD collection at home: Spiderman, Hulk, Thor, The Avengers, Captain America, Iron Man, Fantastic Four, Dare Devil and his Blade Trilogy Box set. He smiled when he recalled the day Louis had begged him to have a Marvel Day with him shortly after they had moved into their Hampstead home. Louis had told him to just relax and trust him and he had ordered junk food all day as he put in movie after movie explaining every super hero to him. By the end of that Marvel Day, Harry still had no idea who was who and who had which super power except Spiderman mostly because his name contained the reason of his super power. He looked down at his hands, feeling like that memory belonged to some other person's life when in fact it belonged to him...and to Louis. He looked up at Louis and his heart hurt in his chest. He wished for another Marvel day with Louis and he would pay attention to memorize all Louis' superheroes so they could have long talks about them and he could watch Louis get excited and try to make him understand. He didn't know what he'd give to have another lazy day like that one, to just hear him talk endlessly about his superheroes, to see his excited face as he explained to him in detail and stuffed his face with pizza. Val cleared her throat.

'I'm sorry,' she told him softly. 'For bringing up any unwelcome memories.' Harry looked at her and gave her a feeble smile.

'They are not unwelcome. They just hurt so I tend to avoid them now but they are there and I can't forget them. Maybe one day I will remember without feeling like I'm cracking and breaking,' Harry said softly. Val could see the pain on his face and hear the regret in his voice. She placed her hand on his back gently.

'It will be alright Harry. These things take time yeah. You have ten days ahead of you so make the best of them. Relax with your friends and take sometime for yourself. Be on your own for a little while each day just to evaluate your state of being. See how you are feeling. Having time alone is important especially when someone is going through something like this. We find ourselves when we are alone.' Harry nodded then his eyes went to Louis, then back to Val.

'Will he be alright?' he asked her, his voice laced with worry. Val patted his back.

'Harry I live in Hampstead so I will be looking after Louis these ten days. Even if we did not both live in Hampstead, I would still have gone to be with him to look after him. When one of my people is on suicide watch and they can't be inside a facility, my job takes me to where they are, that is why I am flexible. That is why I accommodate myself to people like you guys, people who can't be stuck in one place for a long time. I understand your needs and I am here to meet them. Louis will be supervised and monitored. Nothing will happen to him Harry. Stop worrying. You need to take care of yourself and get better. You and I can communicate over the phone. You can call me anytime you need me. I will be checking up on you too. Alright?' Harry sighed heavily.

'I just want you to take good care of him Val. Please. He's going through a lot and Louis just...he just keeps it all inside. It's one of his things that I hate. Well not hate but you know what I mean. I could never hate anything about him but he just keeps it locked away. Has he...uhm has he talked to you any?' Harry asked her, his voice full of hope. Val took a moment to gather what and how much she could tell him.

'Yeah he has talked a little bit. Basically he told me the same things that you have. You are both on the same page.' Harry smiled at her.

'That's good that he's opening up. He doesn't just open up to anyone and I doubt he even knows how. I mean he's always had me to talk to and I had to coax it out of him and now, well I guess he can't even talk to me since well I'm like his best friend now but I am hoping he will open up to you.' Harry smiled again but Val noticed that it was a sad smile. She saw Harry look across to Louis again and she followed his gaze. Louis had his arm wrapped around Eleanor's waist and was laughing with Zayn and Liam. Harry looked at Val. 'He looks happy and that's all I want for him. He deserves to be happy. He's a really good person, very kind. Sometimes the media makes him look otherwise and some people believe that but Louis is nothing but a loud mouthed drunk and party goer but he has a heart of gold. They don't know the other side of him, the soft side of him, the side that prefers to stay home curled up on the couch watching a movie and sipping tea to the Louis they see. They....management make him do all that you know, look like the wild one. The out of control one. But he's so far from the image that management has put out there of him.' Harry paused and gave Val another smile. 'Thank you for staying with him for these ten days. I am very grateful that he has you. I don't want him struggling alone.' Val smiled at him and squeezed his forearm.

'Louis and I have a lot of work to do. But he's making slow progress and I'm happy about that. It means he wants to try and be better. And I won't leave him alone Harry. I promise you.' Harry kept his eyes on her.

'Won't you miss your wife and son while they are in L.A?' he asked her. Val cast a longing look at Shane who was cradling a sleeping Adam beside her.

'Of course I will miss them but its part of my job Harry. Shane and I have done this before but we always find ways to be together and keep our family tight. Besides Shane's family live in L.A and they haven't seen Adam for awhile so yeah she's taking him to be with her family for these ten days. Adam needs all his family.' Harry nodded.

'That makes sense. Thank you,' he told her again. Val felt touched by the sincerity in his voice and his concern for Louis' well being. Just then Paul walked over to them.

'Harry, your flight is back on schedule. The storm is clearing up and they should be ready for take off in thirty minutes. You and Shane should get ready to board.' Harry thanked Paul and stood up. He turned to Lux who had been sitting beside him playing with her dolls' hair. Harry bent down and kissed the top of her head.

'I will see you in ten days princess okay. You be good to mummy and uncle Harry will get you something nice back from L.A okay. Now come give me a hug.' Lux stood up on the couch and threw herself into Harry's arms, wrapping her skinny arms around his neck and legs around his waist. Harry hugged her tightly then put her back down, ruffling her hair. He turned to Val and Shane who were saying goodbye.

'Bye Val. I'll see you in ten days yeah. Keep me informed okay,' Harry told her. Val hugged him tightly.

'Be safe and relax Harry. Everything will be alright. Take time for yourself. Sleep. Eat well and read. May I suggest Murakami to you. I think you will enjoy him,' she told him. Harry nodded and pulled back. He heaved his shoulder bag onto his shoulder and walked towards his friends to say bye. He hugged Liam and Niall and Zayn and shook hands with everyone present. He hugged Lou and Lottie tightly. There was only Louis left. Harry felt his heart pick up speed. How was he supposed to say goodbye to Louis? It had never been this awkward before. But then again, they had never been apart before. If they were still together, they would be spending these ten days together visiting their families.

'I'm ugh I'm gonna get going then,' Harry stammered out. He looked at Louis in his grey Adidas hoodie and joggers, his fringe swept sideways, a light stubble covering his face. He smelt like he usually does, a mixture of cologne, cigarette smoke and beer. This was all too familiar to Harry and those blue eyes were piercing him right through and it hurt and he didn't want to leave without him. He wanted to burrow inside his hoodie closet to his heart and warm golden skin and stay there.

'Right,' Louis said trying to sound cheerful. 'You have fun in L.A yeah. Have a good break mate and remember to use sunblock. You and the sun don't....' Louis stopped. He was going down a road he couldn't afford to go down. It was off limits to him. If Harry wanted to bask in the sun without protection, who was he to tell him otherwise? He did not want to imagine Xander applying sun block to his back. Louis felt sick at the thought. But he had to keep reminding himself that Harry did not belong to him now. But he sighed in relief when he saw Harry smile, his lopsided grin that he loved so much.

'I'll sunblock don't worry. I know I get sun burnt quickly and I don't like to be sun burnt. Be safe Lou...I mean Louis...mate. Ugh enjoy this break and if ugh if you ever need anything you know I'm just a phone call away yeah.' Louis nodded.

'Yeah sure right man. You too. You need anything just call,' he told him trying to sound casual about it but failing miserably. He hoped that Harry didn't notice his awkwardness. He wanted to reach out to him and hold him and take him with him back to his mother's crowded house in Donny and let her fuss over him and feed him but Harry was going to fucking L.A! Harry nodded at him and they both stood staring at each other unsure what to do next,whether to shake hands or hug. Paul saved the day.

'Harry c'mon man. Shane is already walking out with Adam. You gotta go.' Harry nodded but kept his eyes on Louis.

'Bye,' he whispered past the lump in his throat,' see you soon. Take care.' Louis swallowed hard.

'You too bud. Have a safe flight yeah,' he managed to squeeze out of his throat, past the lump that was threatening to choke him. Harry turned and began walking towards Paul who was waiting by the automatic doors leading to the plane. Louis wanted to run after him and....he shook his head and turned back to Eleanor and the others, resuming their conversation. Harry stopped at the door and turned back one last time. Louis had his back to him, his arm wrapped around Eleanor's waist one again and he was laughing loudly. Paul clapped him on the back.

'Safe journey Haz. Enjoy your break and see you soon.' Harry smiled at Paul, a sad little smile, turned and walked out into the chilly dusk towards the plane as the automatic doors slid silently closed behind him, separating him from Louis.


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the second update of the day. Its only 6 :41 am on a Sunday morning and I am making great progress with my updates. Hope you like this one. All the love, M.

The plane landed at LAX airport exactly three hours after its original scheduled time of arrival. Harry stretched his long legs and looked at Shane who was holding a sleeping Adam in her arms. Harry smiled fondly at the little baby.

'The flight wore him out. Thirteen hours is a log time,' he told her as a member of the crew came to the first class area to see to the passengers. Shane smirked at him.

'You wore him out Harry not the flight. You hardly stopped playing with him until he gave up on you and fell asleep. I can safely say Adam likes you a lot.' Harry chuckled.

'Well I like him a lot too. Do you have a car waiting for you or do you need me to tell my driver to drop you off somewhere? It's not a problem really.'

'My brother is picking me up. He's eager to see Adam. But thanks Harry.' Harry nodded at her and got up off his seat and stretched.

'Well I better head out then. I have a feeling there will be paps and fans waiting for me. I don't mind the girls but the paps? Some of them are out for blood. It's not like I don't give them the photos they want but they always want more. They take the skin off you if they could.' Shane gave him a sympathetic look.

'That must be sad,' she told him but Harry just shrugged and smiled.

'All part of the job,' he told her as he hauled his bag over his shoulder. 'I'll see you in ten days. Enjoy your holiday okay and if you need anything at all, you have my number.' Harry bent down and placed a soft kiss on Adam's head. 'Say hi for me to the little guy when he wakes up yeah.' Shane smiled up at him.

'Will do. And you take your much needed rest and don't eat too much junk food. Don't make me work you extra hard when we get back.'

'I won't I promise. It will be smoothies and healthy food for me,' Harry told her as he began walking towards the exit of the plane. He shook hands with the crew and thanked them for their service before he left the aircraft. As he entered the arrivals, he found a security detail waiting for him. Another one that he didn't know. Harry shook his hand and allowed the man to escort him out of the airport. No sooner had the automatic doors slid open, he heard his name being called and cameras flashing here and there. People started to crowd him and push against him and he had to admit that this part scared him. The security tried to keep them off but some fans squeezed themselves in next to him, shoving their phones in his face to get a much awaited picture with him. Harry stopped and posed with as many fans as he could but he felt tired. His eyes burned as he was made to look into phones this way and that while someone tugged at his hand and someone touched his hair and he really wanted to get home. He smiled and thanked them as a few airport security came out to help clear the way for him while his security got him to his car. Once he was safely inside, he took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He was shaking a little. He might be used to this but he was never actually used to this especially when he was alone and they crowded him. The security got in the car beside the driver and the driver pulled out slowly as fans were still calling him from the sidewalk. He wished he could hang out with them more and show his gratitude but he was bone tired and if he were to be totally honest, he needed to get away from the spotlight for a few days.

The drive took a little over half an hour. Traffic in L.A was heavy during the day. When the driver parked the car in Harry's driveway, Harry thanked him and got out. He stood in his driveway as the driver backed up the car and pulled out through the gates and onto the street, disappearing from Harry's sight. Harry sighed in relief. It was so good to be home. He missed his house here. Our house, he corrected himself. He pulled the house keys out from the front pocket of his bag. He put the key in the lock and opened the door. He entered the foyer and closed the door behind him, the silence of the house greeting him. He walked into the big lounge and put his bag down beside one of the large black leather couches that filled the room. He walked to the glass wall across the room and pulled the sheer white curtains open. The sun filled the room and the view took his breath away like it always did. The green back lawn with football posts and the pool and deck area. The trees surrounding the property. It was their home and he missed it so much. Last time he was in L.A, Modest had rented out that big ass mansion in The Hills for him to have his birthday party at. This was no mansion but it was home, their home. This was were their memories had been made. This was were they lived when they came over here. They had chosen it together, decorated it together, lived here together. Had lived here together, Harry reminded himself. He sighed heavily. They had to get together with their lawyers to see how they would divide their properties. The thought made Harry shiver. How had it come to this? Seeing lawyers to settle their properties!

Harry picked up his bag again and headed upstairs, deciding not to think about this for the moment. He pushed open the bedroom door and a million memories rushed back slamming into him forcefully. The king size four poster bed was neatly made, the purple duvet tucked neatly in place, the sheer lilac curtains surrounding the bed pulled back and tied neatly to the posts, the heavy purple window curtains drawn across the floor to ceiling glass wall that over looked the gardens and pool below. The 50' plasma screen hanging on the wall was dark and silent. Harry recalled how many football matches they had watched here, with Louis yelling curses and offensive insults at the referee like a maniac, Harry smiling fondly at him but getting pissed off at him when he accidentally spilled beer on the sheets but not being mad at him for long when Louis pouted a million apologies to him while peppering his face and neck with tiny kisses then got him off during half time. Harry did not want to recall what else happened in that lovely king size bed. He looked at it longingly, raw pain clenching his heart.

He dumped the bag on the chair beside the door and unzipped it, taking out his toiletry bag and some clothes he had brought along with him. He needed coat hangers. He walked across the room and entered their walk in closet. He stopped abruptly and looked at Louis' clothes hanging on his side, his Adidas tops and jackets and hoddies, his jogging pants all in grey and black, a few pairs of skinny jeans and an Adidas snap back. He looked at his shoes, Adidas and Vans mostly, neatly placed beneath his hanging clothes. Harry grabbed a few coat hangers from his side of the closet and walked back out. He didn't want to dwindle on the past. He didn't want to look at Louis' clothes that reminded him of his absence, that Louis was no longer his partner. He didn't want to hurt but it hurt. This empty house with its reminders hurt. But Harry had to find the strength to push through this and get better both for his sake and for Louis'. What was done was done. It had happened. They were not the first or the last couple to split up after a long relationship.

So why does it hurt so much? Harry thought to himself. Why do I feel like there's only half of me? He picked up his toiletry bag and walked into their ensuite bathroom to place his things in there. Louis' toothbrush still occupied a place next to his toothbrush, leaning comfortably against his own. Before he had time to torture himself with more memories of good times that had happened in this very bathroom, his phone rang. Harry fished it out of his back pocket and looked at the screen. Jeff. Harry swiped it and placed the phone to his ear.

'Jeff hey,' Harry said into his phone. 'Sorry for not calling you earlier. I just got in. The flight was so delayed because of a sudden storm.' Harry listened to Jeff talk while moving around the bathroom placing his things in their right full place. 'Yeah sounds great,' Harry said into the phone. 'I could do with a few days away from everything. Okay I'll see you on Friday then. Got some errands to run and some things to take care of these two days anyway so I'm going to be pretty busy. Thanks Jeff I'm really looking forward to it.'

Harry hung up and stuffed his phone back into his pocket after checking for any messages or missed calls from Louis. There were none. He looked at himself in the mirror and realized how tired he looked. Yeah a few days on a yacht in St Bart's with friends was a good idea.

 

 

Jeff honked the horn of his convertible Mercedes as he pulled up into Harry's driveway. He killed the engine and honked again feeling impatient. The sun was hot, the air was humid, another gorgeous hot day in L.A! He was looking forward to spending time with his best friend and it was wonderful that he could take him away from the world for a while, just let him get away from it all and unwind. God knows how much Harry needed that and Jeff took it upon himself to make sure that Harry got the rest he needed and not worry so much about things he had no control over.

The front door opened and Harry stepped out wearing a pair of black skinny jeans, a white tee shirt, black aviator Ray Bans, brown boots and his long hair up in his signature bun. He waved at Jeff, a happy smile on his face. He hauled his bag over his shoulder and locked the door. When he got to the car, he threw his bag on the back seat and looked at Jeff.

'Can I drive?' Harry asked him. 'I love this car.' Jeff rolled his eyes.

'Well then get one for yourself. It's not like you can't afford it!' Harry smirked at him.

'Why should I when you have one that I can drive all the time?' Jeff rolled his eyes again but a smile on his lips, undid his seat belt and got out of the car, leaving his door open. Harry squealed and clapped his hands as he walked round the car and got into the driver's seat. Jeff got in the passenger side and gave him a sideways look.

'Well go on then. Drive. We haven't got all day. We have plans awaiting us.'

'Where to?' Harry asked him happily as he started the car, the engine purring to life softly and elegantly.

'To the airport. We have my dad's plane to take us to St Bart's,' Jeff informed him. Harry grinned at him.

'Aye aye captain,' Harry said happily. Jeff shook his head but smiled. He was glad that Harry was happy and in a good mood. He wanted him to enjoy the few days ahead of him.

 

The flight to St Bart's took a little over an hour and a half. Finally the Azoff's private plane landed on the small airstrip of the tiny airport, surrounded by red roof topped houses, green foliage and crystal clear blue sea. Harry had to admit that he felt excited. His life seemed so far away from what it usually was, so far away from the chaos and noise and heartache. Louis, he thought but dismissed the idea out of his mind right away. He made a mental note to call Val as soon as they were off the plane just to check on how he was doing.

Jeff and Harry made it out of the airport onto the busy streets of St Bart's. Harry was relieved that for once he wasn't being hounded by paps and fans. It felt good to be just a normal person for a while, just a normal tourist going on a vacation to rest. The sun was scorching in the mid-afternoon sky, in a cloudless blue that stretched for miles. Harry felt his skinny jeans and tee shirt soaked in sweat and stick to him like a second skin. A car was waiting for them with a chauffeur that held up a sign saying #HAZOFF. Jeff smiled. His dad always pulled this shit. He nudged Harry towards the car and they both got in, sighing thankfully for the air condition in the car. While the driver made his way cautiously through the narrow streets filled with pedestrians, Harry took out his phone and dialed Val's number.

Ten minutes later, the car stopped at the marina. Jeff looked at Harry and smirked.

'Here we are. Are you ready for sun, fun, booze and friends?' Harry looked at Jeff and forced a smile which Jeff caught up on immediately. 'What is it Harry?' Harry sighed heavily.

'I called Val. To check up on Louis....'

'Harry he is not your problem anymore. You are not his keeper. You need this break,' Jeff argued.

'I know Jeff but I can't just not check in to see how he's doing.' Jeff took in a deep breath and turned in his seat to face Harry.

'Look Harry, Louis is in good hands okay. He made his choices. He left you and he's with Eleanor. There's nothing you can do about it. Just leave everything behind for a while. You earned this break and you need it. You have been through so much. Let yourself relax and let it all go at least for the time being. Please.' Harry smiled at him faintly.

'Okay. But he's my friend though and I need to show him my support. He needs to know I'm rooting for him to get better.'

'And I'm rooting for YOU to get better. You need it too. Please, at least just try for these couple of days,' Jeff told him. 'I worry for you.' Harry smiled fondly at Jeff.

'I know you do and I promise I won't worry you. I just wish he could've come here too. He could do with a place like this to relax.' Jeff scoffed.

'You and him here? In the same place? On a yacht? In St Bart's? Wow the paps would have a field day and your fans will promote Larry even more then they have promoted you so far.' Jeff whistled and Harry giggled.

'Yeah you're right. Bad idea.' Jeff opened the car door.

'Come on let's go. We have a yacht to catch and friends to meet.' Harry nodded and got out of the car. The sun was beating down on them and Harry reminded himself to apply sunblock. If Louis was here.... No, he told himself, he's not here so no! Harry pushed his thoughts of Louis away as he followed Jeff down the aisles of yachts at the marina. Finally Jeff stopped in front of one and looked at Harry.

'This my friend is the boat we will be spending the next few days on.' Harry squinted up at the "boat" that Jeff was referring to.

'That's more like a ship Jeffrey,' Harry told him grinning at him. Jeff laughed and went on board. Harry followed him and once on deck they were met by staff who took their bags and brought them drinks. They sat at a table on deck in the shade, sipping their cool cocktails.

'We sail in an hour,' Jeff informed Harry. 'As soon as the others get here, we're off sailing in the sun for a few days.' Harry nodded.

'I need a shower and to get out of these clothes. It's very hot.' Jeff put his legs up on an empty chair and leaned back his face up towards the sun.

'Go ahead. I'm just gonna sit right here, bask in the sun and sip on my cocktail.'

 

Two hours later, the yacht was parked out in the middle of the clear blue waters of St Bart's amidst lots of other yachts. Paparazzi where everywhere all trying to get a glimpse of the celebrities parked there while on their vacations. Jeff was chatting away with friends, sitting at the tables on deck while they were being served food and drinks. Harry was relaxing on a sunbed with Kendall Jenner, a close friend of his. The sun felt hot on his skin and he felt like he was melting. Kendall lounged beside him in her bikini on a sunbed.

'So how you've been Harry?' she asked him casually. 'Its been a while since we talked.'

'Mhm,' Harry replied, his eyes still closed, feeling his body relax under the hot sun.

'What happened with you and Louis exactly?' she asked him. Harry opened his eyes and turned his head towards her.

'Can we not talk about him? Please?' he asked her in a soft voice. Kendall scooted closer to him.

'Harry I'm your friend, you can tell me anything.' Harry sighed heavily feeling resigned.

'What's there to tell? He got fed up of me I guess.' Kendall laughed and grabbed his cheeks, squeezing them softly.

'Who can ever get enough of your adorable little self?' she asked him. Harry smiled faintly.

'He wanted something else. He's allowed to want something else.' Kendall took a sip of her champagne.

'What else could he possibly want when he had you? I just don't get it? I mean if I was straight and you were straight I would probably try with you.....' Harry laughed.

'Eww don't even Ken! Talking of which, have you come out to your mum yet?' Kendall looked down, her face going serious.

'No. I'm kinda scared to tell her. You know what she's like. Once she will be over the initial shock I'm pretty sure she will exploit my coming out to her advantage and turn it into a freak show! Keeping Up With The Lesbian Jenner! She'll probably say I took after my dad. They both burst out laughing but once they stopped, Kendall's face was a little sad. 'When I told her I was coming here for a few days and that I was meeting up with you, well she already made it a fact that we are a couple. She doesn't exactly know about you and Louis. I mean she suspects from what she reads but she prefers to believe that you are straight and that we are dating.' Harry chuckled.

'Well with all the paps here I think your mother will be convinced we are dating. There will be a story for sure. Be ready for it.' Kendall shrugged.

'Who cares about the shit they print?' Harry looked at her through his sunglasses.

'Fans do,' he told her softly. Kendall laughed and lay down on the sunbed almost on top of Harry, her body warm and skin soft smelling of sunscreen and coconut.

'Man your fans are not to be messed with. I mean the hate I got last time? And I was only your beard for fucks sake! I was doing you a fucking favor and they hated my ass! They are mean ass fans.' Harry smiled affectionately.

'Our girls,' he said almost proudly. 'They see through the bullshit.'

'So you think they will see that you're my beard now and not bombard me with hate?' Harry raised his head and eyed her, a smirk on his face.

'Excuse you? I'm what now?' Kendall giggled and snuggled closer to him.

'It's pay back time Styles. You're my beard just till I get my mom off my back until I decide how to come out to her. There are already rumors....' Kendall stopped and buried her head in Harry's shoulder. Harry wrapped his arm around her and cuddled her into him.

'Don't let it get to you. Rumors will spread regardless. Talk to your mom. I'm sure she will understand.' Kendall looked up at him, her eyes meeting his.

'After what dad did, I doubt she will understand. She took his...transformation really hard. How can she have a lesbian daughter now?' Harry cuddled her closer, the hot sun basking their skin.

'You have nothing to do with your father. He took the necessary decisions to live the life that made him happy and you should do that too. Look at Louis and I. You have a fine example. They locked us away so deep that even if there had been a chance for us to come out, I doubt we could. I thank our fans for keeping our closet transparent though. That helped a little I guess.' Kendall smiled at him.

'Do you ever want to come out Harry? I mean you're single now and you should be able to mingle. It's such a waste to be single. I mean look at you. You're gorgeous, kind, sweet...you have everything. Any guy would be grateful to have you.' Harry sighed heavily.

'I'm no different than anyone else Kendall,' Harry told her softly. 'And I really don't have everything I want. And no I can't come out. I'm still bound by contract so.' His voice was low and quiet. Kendall nuzzled closer to him.

'You miss him don't you?' she asked him softly and Harry nodded. 'It will be alright Harry. No one has ever died of a broken heart you know. You just need to bounce back.' Harry sighed.

'Easier said than done but I'm trying,' he told her softly, taking a drink of his water. 'However, I am not looking for a rebound relationship. That's not me. I mean he's the only relationship I've ever had for the past past years. He's all I've ever known since I was just sixteen. I grew up with him.'

'True,' Kendall told him, placing her head on his shoulder again. 'I wish I will find that kind of love, the kind you two had. The way you looked at each other was enough to make people jealous. I don't understand why there are people out there still doubting you and believe all the stunts your management pull on your behalf.' Harry smiled.

'Yeah there are still those ones.' Kendall giggled.

'Well those ones will have a field day when photos of you and me right now hit the tabloids. They will make a big production of us being back together again.' Harry chuckled.

'Then the battle on Twitter begins. Larries will be debunking it will all they've got. They never get discouraged no matter how much shit management throws their way.' Kendall sighed.

'Man they are a loyal and determined bunch. True believers and they support you no matter what. Pity you guys split up. I mean once you have gotten rid of your stupid ass management, you could've easily come out and they would embrace you and support you. I wish I had that,' she told him in a sad tone.

'Hey,' Harry told her as he rubbed her upper arm affectionately, 'don't let your mother be like our management. You are her daughter. She will love you and accept you regardless you know and your fans will love you. People who are loyal don't just leave because you suddenly come out of the closet. And if they do leave, at least that way you know who was loyal to you all along.' Kendall hugged him close.

'You're right I guess. I can't stay closeted to please my mother. I will go crazy if I do that.'

'Anyone special?' Harry asked her smiling. Kendall sat up and looked at him a wide smile on her face.

'Maybe,' she told him as she took another sip of champagne. Harry squeezed her knee.

'I'm so happy for you Kendall and if you need anything you know I'm always here to support you and help you. I'm your friend.'

'And my beard,' Kendall told him laughing.

'For the time being,' Harry replied smiling. Jeff walked over to them, smiling.

'Hey guys glad to see you are having fun and bonding and all but my dad should be here in like two hours so we're having dinner and Harry he really wants to talk to you so if you guys could like be ready I would really appreciate it.'

'Take a breath Jeffery,' Kendall teased him, 'we'll be ready by the time daddy dearest arrives.' Jeff leaned over and kissed Kendall on her head.

'Awesome,' he told them and walked over back to his guests. Kendall looked at Harry.

'You have good friends here Harry who love you and will help you through this and,' she paused, giving him a sheepish smile and nudging his calf with her toe, 'I have seen the way Xander has been looking at you from over there you know.'

'Shut up,' Harry said but with a smile on his face.

'He's hot Harry. Come on and he's your friend. What's wrong with having a friend with benefits hmmm? Bet he could fuck....'

'Okay just shut up. Please don't!' Kendall laughed and threw her long legs over his thighs.

'Why not? Stop being so prudish.' Harry's smile slid off his face.

'I'm not like that. He's my friend and like I said, I'm not looking for anything on the rebound not even sex.' Kendall rolled her eyes.

'You are such a romantic baby. You need to be in a relationship to have sex?' Harry took another gulp of water.

'Louis set the bar high for others. He might have ruined it for everyone else. I don't even know how I can look for anyone else, start again, build that trust, find that connection.'

'Well if you will compare everyone to Louis you will not find anyone.' Harry shrugged.

'I don't know if I can or want anyone else,' he pouted. Kendall placed a kiss on his forehead.

'Its all still brand new Harry. Give it time.'

 

Harry came out on deck wearing a pair of white shorts, an open black shirt, a straw hat and sunglasses. His tattoos where a beautiful contrast on his sun kissed golden skin. Kendall smiled at him from across the table where she was sitting beside Xander.

'Look who's looking all hot and sexy,' she cooed giving him a wink. 'Xander darling close your mouth!' Harry smiled at her and giggled.

'Can say the same for you. That dress is stunning and Xander don't mind this one here,' he complimented her while talking to Xander .Kendall rolled her eyes.

'Harry this is just a beach dress but thank you for the compliment. So gentlemanly of you. But truly Xander here was drooling a little bit. And mind I add, if your boy could see you right now, he would be grovelling on his knees for you to take him back.' Harry's face went serious.

'Kendall please,' he said softly as he sat down next to Xander who poured him a glass of white wine. He looked at her face fall. He knew she was joking with him but it was a sensitive subject. Xander squeezed his thigh from under the table. Harry moved his leg a little hoping Xander would keep his hands to himself but he didn't want to call him out on it. He smiled at Kendall. 'However I wouldn't let him grovel. Grovelling doesn't be fit him.' Before Kendall or Xander could reply, a commotion on the lower deck of the yacht caused them all to look down. A small speedboat had stopped close to the yacht and they could see Irving getting off and on to the yacht. Kendall was off her chair and hurrying towards the lower deck.

'Harry are you alright?' Xander asked him. Harry nodded. 'You really look um nice,' Xander offered. Harry chewed on his bottom lip.

'Xander, I...I can't be more to you. Please just be my friend. I can't offer anything but friendship. Xander opened his mouth to reply but Kendall was back tugging Harry out of his chair.

'C'mon Harry,' she told Harry excitedly. 'I haven't see the old guy in ages.' Together they went down on the lower deck to meet Irving. As soon as he was on board, Irving greeted everyone, hugging Jeff and Kendall tightly. Finally his eyes rested on Harry, his look gentle and soft.

'Harry,' Irving said as he took Harry's outstretched hand. 'Long time no see. How have you been keeping up?' Harry smiled at the small man in front of him.

'I've been better but I'm doing good,' Harry told him as they started to make their way up to the top deck. Irving took a long hard look at Harry.

'I hear things are stressed and that you and your band might be looking for new management in the future?' Harry was taken by surprise and he shot a look at Jeff who in return winked at him. Harry looked back at Irving.

'Yes we might,' he said softly. Irving clapped him on the back.

'Then we have much to discuss my boy,' he told him with a smile and a lot of reassurance.


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here is the 3rd chapter as promised for today. Hope you like it. All the love, M.

Val sat at the kitchen island sipping her tea, looking out over Louis and Harry's well kept back garden. It was peaceful here. Just like their own house which was a few houses down from this house. Val smiled at herself realizing how she never knew that two members of the most famous band in the world were their neighbors. She sipped her tea as she heard a car pull up in the driveway behind the kitchen. After a few moments, the back door opened and three lads walked into the kitchen. Val smiled at them, not really knowing who they were except that they were Louis' friends. They stopped inside the warm kitchen and just stared back at her, clearly surprised to find this woman in Louis' kitchen.

'Hello,' she told them politely. 'Louis will be down in a minute,' she informed them. One of them stepped towards her.

'Hi I'm Stanley,' he told her extending his hand but before she took it, one of the other lads who had been eyeing her with a smirk on his face stepped around and in front of Stanley.

'Hey, I'm Calvin and you are?' Val smiled at him as she slipped off the stool she had been sitting on.

'Married and a lesbian,' she told him, knowing right away he had been using his flirtatious tone on her. The other two burst out laughing and the one with the ginger hair, clapped Calvin on the back.

'Dude you've been roasted. Hi I'm Oli,' he told Val who was laughing along with them. Calvin scowled at Oli and pushed him playfully. Just then Louis walked into the kitchen.

'What's all this noise then?' he asked, a smile on his face.

'Your maid here just roasted Cal,' Oli told him. Val looked at Oli her hands on her hips, eyebrow raised.

'Excuse you?' she asked him, laughter in her voice. Oli looked at Val then back to Louis and back at Val again. Louis chuckled.

'She's my therapist,' he told them as he grabbed his Vans from behind the door and began to put them on. Oli scratched the back of his head.

'Sorry,' he apologized.

'No worries,' she told him. Calvin leaned his elbow on the kitchen island and looked at Louis, a smile quirking his lips.

'Your boy seems to have moved on from you pretty well,' he told him. Louis stopped tying his shoe laces and looked at Calvin, his face a question mark. Val who was beside the sink, tensed. Calvin realized that Louis didn't know what he was talking about. 'You haven't been on Twitter?' he asked Louis. Val responded for him.

'No. For the duration of this break I have advised Louis that its better for him to keep off social media. He needs the rest and peace of mind.' Calvin straightened up and chuckled.

'Ohhhh man you need to see this,' he told Louis as he fished his phone out of his pocket. 'Your boy has made headlines with that Jenner chick,' he continued saying as he began scrolling through Twitter. Val could see Louis' face had blanched. Calvin passed Louis his phone who took it with trembling fingers. His eyes rested on pictures of a luxurious yacht, with Harry and Kendall....so close to each other...on a sunbed. Kendall almost lying on top of Harry. Harry cuddling Kendall. Kendall....kissing him??? Was she kissing Harry? And Harry was kissing her back? Xander sitting on a chair watching them. Harry in a black shirt open to reveal his tattooed torso and arms. Harry laughing with Jeff, Kendall and Xander. Harry looking so hot and gorgeous talking to old Irving. Xander embracing Harry. Louis felt the air leaving his lungs, a sweat breaking out all over his body, his head spinning. He passed the phone back to Calvin.

'He's free. He can do what he wants with who he wants,' Louis told him in a flat voice, devoid of all emotion but his insides were twisting in a knot. Those images were burned in his mind. Xander was there on that boat with him! And why was Kendall even all over Harry? He continued to tie his shoe laces and when he was done, he straightened himself up and looked at his friends. 'Ready to go?' he asked them trying to keep his voice cheery and light. They all nodded and filed out of the kitchen towards the car. Val caught up with Louis before he stepped out.

'Are you okay?' she asked him. Louis gave her a faint smile and a nod.

'He's free Val,' he told her quietly.

Val touched his arm. 'Nothing is what it seems to be with paps Louis. Don't believe everything you see. Don't take it so hard okay.' Louis shrugged.

'Val, Harry is his own person. He's free to do whatever he wants. I left him. I had enough of that relationship. I'm with Eleanor now. I chose to be with her so he can be with whoever he wants. I'm good with it yeah?' He gave her a small reassuring smile and walked out the door, closing the kitchen door softly behind him. Val stared at the closed door and wondered when was Louis going to stop living in denial and face his true feelings. Unless he did, he was not going to start getting better.

 

Val paced the length of the living room for the hundreth time and looked at her watch again. It was 3:30 am and Louis was still not back home. She knew he was with his mates but she was worried about him. He hadn't quite left the house in a serene sense of mind and Val was feeling close to panicking. This was the fifth day of the break and for the past five days, Louis had been worried and restless. She knew that he tried not to let her know but she could tell from his forced smiles, lack of communication and the long hours he slept and the lack of motivation for anything when he was awake. This was the house that he shared with Harry. All of Harry's stuff was here and his presence in the house was greatly felt. Louis had been moping around, being lazy, playing FIFA on the large flat screen in the living room which he got bored of very soon. He was nervous and anxious. She could understand his behavior perfectly well. Louis was missing his other half and he was depressed. And that worried Val. She knew how to do her job but he wasn't letting her.

Val noticed that he didn't sleep in the bedroom he had shared with Harry though she had found him in there a couple of times, just sitting on the edge of the big bed staring out through the large windows that led out on to the back garden and driveway, or simply going through Harry's closet, just fingering his shirts with such deep longing that it hurt Val to the marrow. Val wanted him to talk about it but he always brushed it off as no big deal and that "it is what it is" but Val knew from experience that it went much deeper than that. Still, she never forced him to talk. In the short time that she had known Louis, Val had learned that Louis talked in his own time, whenever he felt ready to share or to open up. That was the way Louis functioned and she couldn't force him to talk to her.

The past five days she had gotten to know him a little more, seeing the domestic side of Louis rather than the star that he was and she realized that he was strong on the surface but really soft on the inside. This Louis was different. He was a family guy who loved to be at home and relax though not good with chores and cooking. Hell on the first day he decided to make them lunch. He couldn't make baked beans on toast to save his life: the toast was burnt till it was black and the baked beans had all dried out and stuck to the bottom of the small pot, which Louis threw out instead of scrubbing it clean!

Val knew that Louis had the ability to hide his suffering and he could hide it pretty well. He was a pro at it. She had seen the longing in his eyes two days ago when Harry had called her. She had seen his face light up when he had realized that she was talking to Harry and he had waited impatiently to see if he would ask to talk to him but Val had seen his face fall when she had hung up. She had explained to him that it was best if they both took some time for each other apart from each other to learn to grow and become better friends. What Val didn't tell him was that Harry called her everyday to check up on him, to make sure that he was alright, that he was eating and sleeping enough and that he had everything he needed. Harry had also told her how to make his tea, that he liked it strong, no sugar and a little milk and to always use Yorkshire tea as it was Louis' favorite. She knew that Harry was trying his hardest to be Louis' friend but it was a struggle for him. A really big struggle because you can't just kill a feeling you've had for someone for five years. You can't just kill off that kind of love.

Val sighed with relief when she heard a car approach on the gravel drive in the back. Her monitor watch beeped softly, letting her know that Louis was okay. The back door opened and she heard Louis close it softly behind him. A few seconds later, Louis walked in to the living room or more likely he staggered in. He looked at her from beneath his messy fringe and smirked at her. Val knew right away that he was drunk.

'Sorry I'm late,' he drawled out, his words slow and dragged. 'You didn't have to wait up for me. I'm not a teenager,' he told her as he walked towards her and slumped down on the couch. Val had a fire going on in the fireplace.

'It's okay,' she told him, not wanting to tell him off for coming home wasted and end up sounding like his mum. 'I was just worried about you.' Louis leaned his head back against the cushions and gave her a slow, tired smile.

'You worry too much about me,' he told her but before Val could open her mouth to reply, Louis put his hand up stopping her. 'I know its your job. You're like paid to worry about me but you don't have to. It's not good for you.' He smiled again. Val sat down beside him. He smelled strongly of beer and cigarettes.

'Louis I worry about you because I care for you not because I'm paid to do so. It's not about you being my "job" anymore. I care for you. And for Harry and I hate to see you both suffering.' Louis looked at her, his eyes sad and far away, his smile faltering.

'Harry is not suffering,' he told her, his voice low and soft. 'He's over me and my bullshit. He's in L.A having the time of his life with his friends and Kendall whom he loves a lot and...him!' Louis chuckled even though he sounded a little bitter. 'She's very special to him. She was his most special beard. They struck up a friendship and kept it. But Xander...Xander likes Harry. I told him....I mean I fucking told him that Xander likes him not just as a friend but Harry thinks everyone is good and has good intentions but Xander wants him and now he can have him. Harry can date however he wants to. He's a good honest person and doesn't deserve a piece of shit like me. Xander will treat him much better than I ever have.' Louis trailed off, sounding even more bitter. Val patted his knee.

'You sell yourself short Louis. Harry cares for you.' Louis made a snorting sound.

'Yeah he's my new best buddy,' he told her sarcastically. 'But then again Harry cares for everyone. He cares for you too you know.' Val knew from experience, personally and professionally that drunk people usually spit out the truth...truth they can't spit out when sober. She decided to see how far she could push Louis.

'Its what you wanted no? Harry to be your best friend?' she asked him, raising an eyebrow at him. Louis looked around the big living room, with its cozy couches, the fireplace with pictures framed on the mantel of friends, family, special occasions, pictures of the two of them as never seen by the media, the thick fitted carpet beneath his feet. His eyes were vacant and a small sad smile was on his lips.

'I love this house,' he whispered more to himself than to Val.

'It's very beautiful,' Val told him as she watched him caress the arm of the couch lovingly, lost in memories Val couldn't even begin to imagine. Louis looked at her, his blue eyes shining from the firelight.

'When Harry bought this house he was so excited. He was like a kid on Christmas morning when he came to give me the news, his face bright and his eyes shining. I can still remember his smile and I've never seen it any bigger.' Louis paused and smiled fondly at the memory. He took in a deep shuddering breath. 'I've found the perfect house for us Lou, he told me. He was so excited. He was talking rapidly and that's a lot for Harry because he's one of the slowest talkers I have ever met. But that day, he was stumbling over his words. He told me that the house has large grounds so I can play football and where our kids can run and play and ride their bikes. He took my hand and practically dragged me to the car. He made me close my eyes when we got close, he kept telling me not to peep. He knows I cheat at games so yeah he was making sure I didn't peep. He's such a dork.' Louis chuckled fondly and ran a hand through his messy fringe. He took a deep breath and continued:

'When he parked the car he came to get me and helped me out of the car, putting his huge ass hands over my eyes almost covering the whole of my face. Harry has really huge hands. He always had huge ass hands even when he was just sixteen. Anyway, we walked a few awkward steps with him behind me leading me forward ever so gently then he let go and told me to open my eyes. When I opened them, the house took my breath away. I fell in love with it right away. The smile on Harry's face though was priceless. I swear to God he was glowing from the inside out! He grabbed my hand and literally dragged me inside and he took me on a tour of the house...our house because he had put both our names on the deed. I asked him why on earth did we need five bedrooms but he just gave me that smile of his and said for kids and guests. When he took me out the back, I was speechless. The grounds took what breath I had left in me away. It was all green lawn and trees. He said he will have goal posts set up for me so I can play football whenever I wanted. He thought of everything! Everything! Every little detail. From then on we started decorating the house together. We chose every piece of furniture together, the appliances, the decor, everything. We turned an empty house in this home.' He paused and looked around the large living room as if remembering every memory they had made together in this single room alone.

'Now we have to sell it,' he said in a small, sad voice. 'We have to sell our home.'

'Did Harry tell you that?' Val asked him. Louis shook his head.

'No but its obvious that neither one of us can live here without the other. We made this home for us. For our family that we were going to have. Too many memories made here to live with every day and the constant reminders they bring of what could've been. That pain to live here would be too great.' Val shifted in her seat processing all that Louis was telling her, trying to make sense of it.

'But Louis, you left him! You decided both of your futures. You gave all this up,' Val told him. She knew she was hurting him with her words but they were nothing but the truth and the truth sometimes hurt. Louis looked at her his eyes watering, a sob escaping his lips. Val watched him as he crumpled in on himself looking small and vulnerable. She moved closer to him and wrapped her arm around his shoulder pulling him closer. His body shuddered as another sob escaped his lips. She rubbed his back comfortingly.

'Oh Louis,' she told him in a soothing voice. 'Why on earth did you leave him? It's so clear you still have feelings for Harry. Is your fear of your sexuality worth all this pain love?' Louis raised his head and Val saw the tears streaking his face, his blue eyes red and wet.

'It...it wasn't that,' he hiccuped.

'Then what was it?' Val coaxed him gently. She knew that there was so much more to this pain that was tearing his soul apart. Louis trembled. He looked like a scared little boy and Val hugged him tighter. 'It's alright Louis. You can tell me. Please let it out because it's going to kill you.' She felt Louis take in a shuddering breath, his body trembling against her.

'They made me leave him,' he whispered, his voice breaking. Val stiffened beside him because her gut had been telling her that there was more to what Louis was saying than the facts he was showing. She had a fairly good idea who THEY were.

'Who Louis?' Val asked him in a small voice full of dread.

'Management,' Louis whispered. Val cursed inside herself. She had fucking knew it right away! It all made perfect sense. What Louis was doing and what he was feeling didn't match at all and she had known it from day one. It was deja`vu all over again. She felt her blood run cold.

'When did this happen Louis?' she asked him as she continued to rub his back.

'Right after we arrived in Melbourne,' he sniffed, 'and its all my fault that it happened. All my fucking fault because I'm stubborn.' Val stopped rubbing his back and looked at him.

'No Louis its not your fault. What the fuck are you saying? None of this shit is your fault.' Louis met her eyes, more tears falling from his eyes.

'Yes it is. I rebelled against them. I made Harry fly with me into Melbourne from L.A. They don't allow us to fly together and I wanted to defy them. Haz told me it was a bad idea, that I shouldn't fight them or defy them but I'm stubborn and I didn't listen to him. And when we arrived in Melbourne, I insisted that we share a room even though I knew that was against their rules. I broke all of their rules and I should've known better. After that they made me...' He paused and covered his mouth, more tears spilling from his eyes. 'I didn't even know that that night after flying into Melbourne with him would be the last night I would spend with my Haz. I didn't even get to love him goodbye. They just made me leave him,' his voice trailed off as he broke into fitful sobs, his body shaking from the crying. Val held him as he cried, her mind working fast around what Louis had just told her. She had guessed at so much but since Louis wasn't speaking she couldn't have been sure of what actually had happened but now Louis had spoken and she would do anything in her power to help him against these pathetic homophobic people who abuse their power and a contract over people like Louis and Harry, bullying them into silence and into doing what they want.

'It's okay Louis calm down,' she told him as she reached over to a box of tissues on the coffee table. She pulled a few out and handed them to Louis. She watched him as he wiped his eyes, a different Louis than the Louis who tried to push everyone away, the Louis that pretended he was fine and strong. This was the real Louis and he finally broke down and opened up.

'What did they threaten you with Louis?' Val asked him because she knew that they were holding something over him. Louis shook his head as if he couldn't believe he had just told her all of this but he knew that there was no turning back now. The cat was out of the bag. He wiped his nose and sniffed.

'Drew told me that he had gotten a call from Stuart and informed me that if I didn't break things off with Harry they would sack Zayn. They said he's been threatening to leave anyway, for what reasons he didn't tell me but that's what he told me. It might be a lie too but he said that Zayn has been giving them a lot of problems and they had no problem with the band becoming a foursome as long as we kept rolling with the punches. I fought him on this. I told him there was no way we would carry on without Zayn but he said we were bound by a contract and that they decided the best for the band. I tried really hard Val I swear but then Drew called Simon. Simon said that if I didn't do what was necessary, he would ruin me on a personal level. We only have like a year left with them and they know we want to leave so he said that if I didn't comply, he would make sure that my dream of owning my own record label would never happen and that he would character shame me. He said he would break me. I had no choice. I mean there's only a little over a year left with them so I made a choice. It had to happen Val. I had to leave Harry for everyone's sake. They had already sacked Paul and the entire security team because of me. I couldn't risk Zayn and everyone's career. I know I should've fought back and stayed with Harry but what then? I know I made the wrong choice but I had no choice Val. The things Simon said...I just...I couldn't! I had to...I just had to.' Louis began crying harder, his breath hitching in his chest. He was shaking and trembling and rubbing his palms together nervously. Val could see that he was panicking. She rubbed his back.

'Hey hey calm down Louis. Calm down and breathe okay. Your heart is racing. It will be alright.' Louis looked at her with wide eyes, a panicked frantic look on his face.

'I ruined him. I ruined everything. I did everything I could to make him hate me so he wouldn't be in too much pain. I never meant to break his heart. I lied to my friends about him so all the things that Calvin told him...he just believed everything. All that I told him, that he disgusts me and how disgusted I was each time he touched me, he believed me Val. He believed everything. He believed all I threw at him. He fucking believed me so easily. He's so naive and innocent. He fought against it at first and it killed me to see him in all that pain and all his futile struggling. Then he started to let go. Harry let go. He lost the fight. I made him give up hope. I disappointed everyone. I hurt his family. Gemma hates me and she should. I hurt her precious brother. I let him go. I hurt him so bad and it's all my fault. ' Val looked at him with sympathy and pain and anger.

'Louis you can't put all this on you.'

'Can't I?' he asked her, his voice hoarse from all the crying. 'I was not man enough to fight for him, for our love. We had hopes and dreams and plans. We wanted to get married...and I...I wanted to propose to him as soon as our contract was over. Harry dreamed of a big wedding. He had it planned out in his head so many times and I wanted him to have that big ass wedding he dreamed of day and night. He had it down to perfection in his head. He knew what kind of wedding we would have and he loved to talk to me about it late at night when we were cuddled up in bed, tired and exhausted and I took that dream wedding away from him. He wanted a honeymoon and kids. Lots of kids. Harry loved kids and he wanted us to have lots of them. When he got this house, he had all that in mind...our wedding, our honeymoon and our kids. We had a future all planned out and I demolished it all because I am weak and a coward. I crashed his dreams and hopes and I broke my promises to him and I broke his heart and I didn't mean to but I did. I did!' He broke again into loud sobs. Val sighed heavily.

'You tried to kill yourself because of all this,' Val told him. It was a statement. Louis wiped his eyes and nose with a fresh tissue. He looked straight ahead into the flames of the fire place, his mind going back to that night.

'Harry wanted to leave the band because of me. He couldn't stand all that I was putting him through. Of course he couldn't! Harry wasn't made for pain.He wasn't put on this earth to be hurt. I promised him that he was safe with me, that I'll never break his heart. I promised Anne that he would always be safe with me, that I had him for life. I let them down. I disappointed everyone and I doubt anyone could hate me more than I hate myself. So I could understand why he wanted to leave but when they heard that he wanted to leave, they were not having it. They couldn't lose Harry Drew told me because Harry is what keeps this band together. He said without Harry this band will flop and there's too many invested in us and too much money would be lost if he left. And he told me that Simon and Syco wanted to sign Harry on a solo artist once our contract with them was over. Just him because they know that Harry would be big as a solo artist so they made me change his mind. They wanted me to play him again, play with his heart and mind and feelings and me being the piece of shit that I am, I did just what they wanted. I asked him to stay and for us to be friends. He kinda lost his shit a little and he got mad at me and I can handle that. I can handle him being angry at me rather than seeing him suffering in silent pain. He left then to go and have dinner with Xander and I was left there in his room and I realized how I just couldn't go on like that. I was still in love with him...still am and it was too much for me to see what I was doing to him all for fame. All because of a damn contract. I was hurting too. He's the love of my fucking life and I was hurting him.' Louis paused and wiped his eyes again. He looked at Val who just sat next to him listening to him unravel before her.

'I never meant to do it in his room with his pills but at that moment I wasn't thinking and I had nowhere else to go. Zayn had Perrie in his room and El was in mine. I just wanted a way out and as selfish and as cowardly as that was, I saw no other way out of it. Suddenly nothing even mattered anymore. All I wanted was to sleep forever. I was dying slowly anyway and no one was noticing so at that time I reckoned that if I just...well he would simply grieve and eventually move on like everyone else would but at least I wouldn't carry on constantly hurting him and having to watch it and feel the guilt of it eat me up. But he had to be the one to find me and he saved me and I had to live and watch the further pain I inflicted on him, watch him break even more right in front of my very own eyes. And the sad thing is that he blames himself for my attempt. He thinks I tried to kill myself because he forced his sexuality on me and made me gay.' Louis laughed sarcastically but carried on. 'That's Harry for ya. He blames himself for everything that happens in the world. Harry is kind and unique. He's the love of my life and I fucked it all up. I should've died. At least I wouldn't have to live with this constant pain and regret but he had to save me. My angel saved me and I don't deserve that.' Val stroked his back fondly.

'Louis you deserve to be save and you deserve to be happy. What they made you do...that's not right. It just isn't. If you explain all this to Harry....'

'No no no no,' Louis cut her off, looking at her and shaking his head furiously. 'They can't know. They can't! Simon warned me not to tell the others or there will be consequences. I can't tell anyone else.They can't know Val please promise me you won't tell them,' he told her frantically. Val realized then how afraid he was, what immense power these people had over him.

'Okay okay Louis calm down please don't get too worked up. I won't tell them. This can be fixed. We can fix this.' Louis shook his head as he looked down and away from Val.

'It's too late Val. I've done too much damage to too many people for this to be fixed.' Val grabbed his hand in hers and squeezed it tightly.

'Louis nobody knows the whole story. You were forced to make a choice and considering the circumstances, you made one and though right now you think it was the wrong choice, well you really didn't have much options to choose from. If you fought against them and chose Harry, well they would've sued your ass until you didn't have a penny left to your name. I know what these contracts entitle. When you sign up, its all roses and peaches because they promise you the world and they do give you it but the price of it is that your life will not belong to you anymore. You become their puppet for the duration of that contract. You sacrificed your love for your friends and for your band and for the good of everyone. That is not a selfish move Louis. That is very brave. You were forced into this and you had no help from anyone, you couldn't talk to anyone about it and I understand the toll it's taken on you but Louis, you cannot carry all this on you by yourself. You might try...'

'To kill myself again?' he asked Val. Val kept her eyes on him not wanting to say the words but not denying it either because she was indeed afraid that he might try again. 'No Val I won't try again. I promised Harry that I won't and that's one promise to him I intend to keep. I might have broken a dozen others but I won't break this one. If I have one thousand reasons to kill myself, I have one reason to keep on living for and he's that reason. I can't hurt him that way again. I can't give him that amount of grief. I've seen what it did to him and I won't put him through it again. He needs me alive and that's something I can give him. That's something I can decide and control and no one can take that away from me.' Val's tears spilled from her eyes. She couldn't hold them any longer. She grabbed Louis and hugged him tightly. He had suffered so much, was still suffering but he was brave. So very brave. And he wasn't going to try and kill himself again!

'I'm glad you told me Louis,' Val whispered. She pulled back and looked at him. He looked worn out and tired. 'Do you feel any better? Just a tiny bit?' Louis smiled at her.

'I do yeah. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before....'

'Shh shh don't. No need for sorries. We will figure this out Louis. Harry...'

'Harry has moved on Val and I want him to. Honestly. All I want is for him to be happy. And for him to be my friend. I can live with that. He deserves to be loved and if he finds it with someone else, then I will be happy for him.' Val swallowed hard. She couldn't tell him that Harry still had feelings for him and how hard he was struggling to just be his friend. And she couldn't tell Harry how Louis felt and why all this had happened. This was a tough one but she would help them. Val smiled faintly at Louis.

'Okay,' she told him. 'I will go and make you some tea and get you some paracetamol. You're gonna feel all this tomorrow.' Louis returned her smile.

'I'm not that drunk you know. Just a tad bit tipsy. I'm still gonna remember all this shit I told you in the morning and it will probably feel like I made a huge ass mistake but its done now.' Val stood up and looked down on him.

'You did the right thing. I'll be back in a second.' Val went into the kitchen and put the kettle on, taking down two mugs from the cupboard. She smiled to herself when she saw two mugs with an H and an L sitting side by side. She found it awfully cute and endearing that they had matching mugs for their tea. She quickly made two mugs of tea and carried them into the lounge where she found Louis sprawled on the couch snoring softly. Val put the mugs on the coffee table and undid the laces of his Vans and took them off. She pulled a throw over from the back of the couch and covered him with it. Louis shifted slightly but didn't wake. Val sat down in the arm chair and looked at Louis, sleeping peacefully. She wondered if he felt relieved now that he had spoken of his problems. Val suddenly realized that Louis was still very much in love with Harry just like Harry was still very much in love with him but they could do nothing while still under contract with fucking Modest Management. However, they could re-discover each other, they had to realize on their own that they still had feelings for each other and fall in love with each other all over again. Nothing could stop that from happening and no one could get in the way of that and nothing was going to stop her from playing her part in diverting them towards finding each other once again. She took a sip of tea and smiled as she started making plans in her head of how to help them.


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning. Happy Saturday. Well here we are in the HS2 era! What did you all think of Harry's new single? I'm madly in love with it and streaming it while updating this chapter. Guys, thank you for everything seriously. I'm gutted you like my writing. So here goes another one. Enjoy. All the love, M.

Val sat in the chair her back ram rod straight, her face blank and hard as she waited for Drew to finish his phone call. This was the third time she was meeting Drew and she had disliked him from the first day they had met. He was too pompous and self absorbed and with his head too far up his bosses ass ready to please them no matter who he trashed along the way. However he was a follower doing whatever Stuart and Simon demanded of him and Val had come to the conclusion that Stuart had Drew's balls in a vice and Simon had all of them in his dirty rotten claws. Still, that did not excuse Drew's disregard towards the boys' well being. All they really cared about was the money rolling in off these five lads. She hated delivering her assessment of Louis to him, which she knew then he would relate to Stuart. If it was possible, she wouldn't discuss Louis with this piece of shit or anyone else for that matter, but she, like everyone else to worked for Modest and Simon, had no choices. She was never given a choice. She had a job to do and they were paying her for it so this technically made him her boss. However, now that Louis had opened up to her about what had really happened and she knew what these dickheads where putting him through, she liked them even less especially Drew since he was the one she had to deal with. She felt glad that she had one on him. She wasn't going to tell him that Louis had confided in her their sick twisted plans. Homophobic bastards! Val narrowed her eyes behind her glasses at the man sat in his expensive suit talking on his phone without a care in the world and she loathed him, who he worked for and what he stood for. They were ruining two lads simply because they love each other! She would damn well fix that if it was the last thing she did!

She watched as Drew hung up his call and placed his phone in the inside breast pocket of his immaculate dark grey suit jacket and straightened it. He gave Val a fake smile and sat opposite her, one knee crossed over the other. She did not return his smile. She tapped her fingers on her thigh hoping he would see that she wanted to get this over and done with.

'I am sorry to have kept you waiting Mrs. McCutcheon. Let's get down to business shall we? What can you tell me about Mr. Tomlinson?' Val eyed him and she felt disgust for this worm.Business? Louis was not business! He was a human being who was suffering because of them and he knew what Louis was going through and he sat there acting like it was nothing, like he hadn't tried to kill himself because of what they made him do.

'He is making good progress,' she told him curtly. She didn't want to discuss Louis with this prick as much as she could so she decided to keep her answers short, basic and to the point.

'Has he opened up to you about his problems yet? What has driven him to harm himself?' Val snorted inwardly. You and the team you work for are his problem you piece of shit. You drove him to try and off himself.

'He hasn't come to that yet but I am sure that in given time he will.' Drew pursed his lips and tapped them with a manicured finger.

'Its been three weeks.....'

'I am aware that it's been three weeks. I am capable of keeping track of time but these things can't be rushed and I won't rush my client,' Val cut him off. There was no way in hell she was going to let this prick tell her how to do her job. 'When Louis feels ready to open up he will open up and talk but not a moment before.' Drew lifted an eyebrow at her.

'Your job is to make him talk and to find out what his problem is and why he is suicidal.' Val felt her blood boiling in her veins. She wanted to slap this asshole across that smooth chubby face of his and call him out on his bullshit but that would only expose Louis so for Louis, she swallowed it down.

'I know what my job is. There is no need for you to tell me how to do it. However I also know what your job is and if you know what's best for Louis you would let me help him and only in his own time. Unless of course you would like me to refer him to a facility in which case I can do that. I will stop this tour and he will be checked into a good facility where I will be able to help him better. I am here to see that he is mentally and emotionally capable to handle pressure and stress which he is very much under. A person in his situation should be in a quiet enviornment to heal not required to do a stressful job.' Val paused and looked Drew straight in the eyes. 'Though I have a feeling I know what his problem is or more likely WHO his problem is.' They stared at each other for a few seconds until Drew cleared his throat and straightened his silk tie. He squirmed uncomfortable in his chair.

'There will be no need for you to stop the tour but I expect more results next week Mrs. McCutcheon.' Val leaned forward in her chair, looking Drew straight in the eyes.

'In my line of work you can never put a time limit on results. You can never expect anything. If you do, let me tell you right now, you're in for disappointment. Results come when they come.' Val stood up wanting to leave this room as quickly as possible. Drew stood up as well and looked down on her.

'Mr. Tomlinson has a job to do. I need him fully functional.' Val shook her head at his nerve. They put him in this position and he was here acting like they aren't to blame for all that Louis was going through, all that he put Harry through because of them. And they wanted him fully functional to do a fucking job! Val moved closer to him and looked up into his face.

'You have a job to do too and maybe if you did your job right, Louis wouldn't be in the need of my services,' she hissed at him. She gave him one last long hard look and walked out the room, slamming the door behind her.

 

 

Xxx

 

Val hurried down the corridor huffing to herself and feeling frustrated because of Drew. He had some fucking nerve! He always managed to crawl up under her skin even though she tried not to let him get to her. How had these boys stuck with this shit for this long? She knew that a contract bound them to Modest and Simon Cowell but for them to treat them like this? To make them hide their love for each other and going to these lengths to keep them hidden? All the threats? The abuse! The bullying! The mental damage they had inflicted on these boys she was surprised they hadn't cracked sooner! No wonder Louis couldn't handle it anymore. He had hurt the love of his life because of these people and drove Harry to a nervous breakdown and a trauma so bad of nearly finding him dead in his bed. For the past three weeks, handing out with these boys, she had seen a lot more signs;Zayn's excessive drinking and weed smoking, Liam on edge all the time, anxious and nervous trying to take care of the four of them without taking care of himself, Niall hiding everything behind loud quirky jokes and more excessive drinking. They were all heading for a crash landing. Something had to be done and someone had to take care of these boys.

Val pushed open the door to the gym and walked inside. She could hear Shane shouting out instructions and as she walked further in, she saw her sparring with Harry who wore boxing gloves, a pair of shorts and nothing else. She also saw Louis who was on the treadmill and Shane yelling at him to make that thing go faster as he wasn't on a fucking stroll and Louis flipping her off as he continued to stroll. Shane scowled at him and told him that he was supposed to be running not taking a stroll through the mall. Harry giggled when he saw Louis stick his tongue out at her then wink at him. Val saw Harry lower his eyes and smile softly. As soon as Shane saw Val enter the gym she looked at Harry.

'Let's take five Harry. Not you Louis.You don't get to take five granddad! You need to be on a run not on a stroll through the park now turn that treadmill up,' Shane said as Louis flipped her his middle finger again and Harry burst out laughing, shaking his head and covering his face with his boxing gloves. Shane walked over to Val and kissed her lightly on the lips.

'Eww you're all sweaty,' Val complained.

'But you love me all sweaty,' Shane told her giving her a knowing smile and wink as she swooped in for another kiss, this time it was longer, deeper, one of her arms snaking round Val's waist and pulling her into her strong muscled body.

'Get a room you two,' Louis shouted. This time it was Shane who gave him the middle finger.

'Rude,' Louis yelled back. Val smiled at Louis and his good mood. They had returned on tour a week ago and had already done three shows. Louis was in a much better place ever since he had opened up to her about the true source of his problems. Of course he felt better! he had let someone help him with the huge load he was carrying! He and Harry were on better terms than before they had broken out for their ten day break. They interacted more, joked and laughed even. Val knew that Louis still loved Harry in a romantic way even though he was still conflicted about his sexuality but he was a little happier now. Harry was being a good friend to him and he got to spend more time with him and maybe that was what Louis needed right now despite his feelings for Harry. Still, Val knew that Louis desired more, he had told her such in their last session. He had told her how he longs for the good old days where love was easy and simple. But at least he wasn't going back to his depressive days. He was even cutting back on his drinking and Val couldn't be happier with all his progress. Val looked up at Shane.

'I came to remind you that Harry has a session in twenty minutes and to ask if you have booked our little holiday?' Val looked at her with bright eyes full of expectation and Shane smiled sweetly at her.

'It's all taken care of love. So you have an hour with Harry and an hour with that lazy little shit over there huh?' Shane asked her nodding towards Louis. Val chuckled.

'Go easy on him. He's trying his best. Yeah I have two hours with them.' Shane pouted.

'I miss you. You've been working so hard I hardly see you. Can't you make that one hour? Maybe see them together?' Val seemed to be thinking about the possibility then looked round Shane towards Harry and Louis.

'I don't think they're ready for that,' Val admitted as she looked at them where Harry was urging Louis to go a little faster on the treadmill and Louis was actually agreeing, Harry urging him on and praising him.

'Ask them. You won't know until you try,' Shane told her. Val took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. She walked over to them.

'Louis can you stop for a second please,' Val asked him. Louis huffed out his cheeks.

'So your wife wants me to go fucking faster and you want me to stop. Can you decide on what you both want from me?' Louis asked her out of breath and still running.

'Shane!' Val yelled. Both Harry and Louis pulled away from her loud voice.

'How can a tiny person have such a booming loud voice?' Louis asked. Harry raised an eyebrow at him.

'Look who's talking!' he said. Louis glared at him.

'Call me tiny one more time Harry and I swear to God.....' Harry burst out laughing and put up his gloved hands.

'I can defend myself!' he said as Shane turned off Louis' treadmill. Louis got off breathing hard and looked at Harry who still held up his hands in defense.

'Okay Rocky Balboa take step down,' Louis told him, wiping his face with a towel. Harry giggled and put his hands down then they both turned to look at Val. 'You called?' Louis asked her.

'Yeah um I was wondering do you um think it will be possible to have you both in one sitting today? My wife is feeling at tad lonely and needs me but only if you are comfortable with each other sitting in together.' Val nudged Shane playfully and Shane hugged her with one arm around her waist. Harry looked at Louis and Louis looked back at Harry both waiting for the other to say something then Louis shrugged.

'I don't mind if Haz doesn't,' he said shrugging and trying to sound un-phased though inside he was screaming with joy at getting to spend an hour with Harry, listening to him talk about his feelings in that slow drawl of his. Harry was surprised by Louis' comment. He looked at Val, a ghost of a smile on his lips.

'I...I ugh don't m-mind either,' he stammered out feeling excitement brew in his stomach. He looked down not daring to look at Louis. An hour with Louis, hearing him talk, maybe open up. What could be better? Shane smiled and kissed Val on the head. Val looked from one to the other, scrutinizing them.

'Are you sure you are both comfortable with each other talking to me?' she asked them wanting to make sure they were really and truly okay with it. Louis and Harry looked at each other and Val stood there watching them communicating silently with their eyes, a silent conversation going on only between them and when they both gave each other a small nod, it was Louis who replied.

'We're good to go,' he told her, looking at Harry again, his eyes asking if he was okay and Harry nodding again. Val could feel their deep connection. It hadn't been severed by those assholes no matter what they did to them and that gave Val hope. Shane dropped another kiss on her head.

'That's settled then. I'll send these two to you in twenty my love,' she told her. Val stood on tip toes and kissed her.

'I love you,' she whispered then turned to look at Louis and Harry, pointing her finger at both of them. 'See you two in twenty and don't be late,' she told them as she turned and walked out of the gym, hefting her bag further up her shoulder. Louis looked at Shane.

'She's bossy aint't she?' he asked. Shane smirked at him.the showers. 

'That she is. A real fiesty one but soft and adorable two. Hit the showers. Don't keep her waiting unless you want to test her temper.' 

 

 

Xxx

 

 

Val sat comfortably in her chair, both her legs tucked under her, a hot cup of tea in her hand and looked at the awkward pair sitting in front of her with a smile twitching the corners of her lips. They occupied the couch, each one sitting on the far side of the couch, away from each other as much as the couch allowed. She could tell they were nervous. Louis rubbed his hands together constantly and Harry played with the holes in his jeans looking down, his gaze averted to the holes in his jeans. Val smiled to herself.

'Guys relax,' she told them. 'You look like school kids sent to the headmaster's office.' Val laughed.

'I'm relaxed,' Louis protested, giving her an awkward smile.

'Yeah just as a whore in church!' Val mocked him. 'Harry?' Harry looked up, eyes like a startled deer caught in headlights.

'I'm...I'm good,' he stammered out. 'I'm yeah relaxed. Very,' he said giving Val a smile that looked more like a pained grimace. Val nodded at them both.

'Okay well then since you are both so comfortable and relaxed, let's begin shall we? How are you feeling being in the same session with each other?' Both Louis and Harry looked at each other then quickly away back to rubbing hands and poking at holes. Val looked from one to the other.

'Good,' they both said at the same time. Val smiled. They might not be comfortable or relaxed but they sure were in synch with each other.

'Truth guys. You know you can be honest here. This is your safe space and the fact that you have both agreed to do this together is an improvement. How have you both been towards each other since you got back on the road?' Again they looked at each other and this time, they gave each other a little smile.

'It's been alright,' Louis said. 'We're getting along just fine.' Val looked at Harry who was smiling and biting his bottom lip.

'Harry?'

'Yeah it's been ugh great. Less tension. We're good friends. Mates.' Val looked from one to the other and even though she knew they were not being honestly straight, she didn't want to just call them out on their shit. They were tense enough and she had promised them a safe space to express themselves.

'Okay well since you both are getting on so well, what have you been up to? What have you been talking about?' She watched them look at each other clearly caught off guard by her questions. Then:

'Football,' piped in Harry. Val looked at him skeptically her brows furrowed.

'You don't even like football Harry,' she called him out. 'You know jack shit about it.' Her tone was light and mocking. Harry smiled shyly and blushed.

'We played FIFA,' Louis offered trying to save Harry some embarrassment. Val looked back at Harry her eyebrow raised, a mocking smile on her face.

'FIFA? Do you even know how to play FIFA Harry?' she asked him. Before he could reply Louis laughed out loudly.

'Not really. I beat his ass 10 – 0 hands down flat and without any effort really. And that was just in the first twenty minutes. I mean he literally let me score. No defending at all.' He turned to look at Harry who had the rosiest pink cheeks and a small shy smile on those lips and Louis felt his heart flutter and his breath hitch at the beautiful boy sitting beside him. 'You need to learn how to defend your goal post Haz.'

'Maybe he let you win on purpose,' Val suggested. Louis kept his eyes on Harry and laughed again, throwing his head back. Harry looked at him and his heart pounded hard when he saw Louis' eyes crinkle at the sides and hear that hearty laughter that he had almost forgotten.

'No he didn't,' Louis said still laughing. 'He really doesn't know how to play. He's shit at it. Imagine a baby deer trying to stand on ice...that's Haz playing football for ya. He has no coordination, no sense of technique. Nothing.'

'Not true,' Haz protested playfully. 'I have technique.' He was enjoying this. It had been ages since he was this comfortable with Louis. Louis smirked at him.

'Oh really? So how come I scored ten and you not one goal then huh?' Harry smiled at him fondly and Louis felt as if the sun had come out from behind the clouds and shone right into his face, momentarily blinding him.

'I let you score. I love seeing you get excited each time you score.' Louis scrunched up his face and placed his hand on his heart.

'Ouch Haz you hurt my self esteem and football skills. Rematch?'

'Rematch,' Harry told him in that slow drawl of his which made Louis melt on the inside.

'Be prepared to have your ass kicked again Hazza,' Louis told him jokingly. Val smiled at them fondly. It was so good to seem them joking with each other.

'It's so good to see you getting along so well but you both realize that there's an big ass elephant in the room and you are both trying to ignore it but trust me, it won't go away until you give it your attention and address it.' They both went serious, the room went quiet and both resumed their previous tasks: Louis looking at his shoes and rubbing his hands together and Harry looking down and poking at the holes in his jeans, so Val continued:

'You have both talked to me privately about your relationship which is the main reason for all that's going on in your lives but when together, you avoid it. You need to face it guys, talk about it. That relationship you had was yours and yours alone. You both lived it. You both experienced it. You both made it. You loved each other through good times and bad times and here you are. No matter what has happened, that love is still there, maybe a little different but it's clear that you both mean a lot to each other. You have to talk about it because unless you do, this friendship you have here will be fake as fuck. You are not totally comfortable with each other because there's this shadow hanging over the both of you, getting in the way. You have to be careful what you say in case God forbid you should say something that refers to your relationship. Every time you look at each other you will never see your best friend who was your lover. You will see the one you loved. The one who made your world complete. You will see your ex. You will see the person who has been your other half for the best of five years. You will see the person who knows you inside out, the person you were intimate with, the person who say you in your most vulnerable moments, the person you trusted with your heart and your body. I'm pretty sure there is a lot you want to say to each other and I am offering you a safe ground for you to talk. No judgement. Just safety, help and understanding.'

The silence in the room was deafening. Val watched them as neither of them looked up or made any move to talk. Val took in a deep breath.

'See this?' she asked them motioning with her hand from one to the other.'This uncomfortable awkward silence? That's called "things not resolved". You guys have issues. You need to talk to each other about what happened before you can move on and be friends. I need to know that you are both on the same page and both okay with it.'

She stopped again giving them time for her words to sink in. She knew she was pushing it especially for Louis because she knew that Louis still loved Harry but he couldn't say anything about his situation, whereas Harry thought that Louis had left him for Eleanor because he wanted to be straight. She just wanted him to talk to Harry so maybe Harry will know that Louis still loved him, so maybe Harry will not feel so guilty for all that happened. She also knew from past sessions with Harry that he was deeply upset about the fact that Louis had told him that he used to feel disgusted each time they were intimate. Val knew that out of this whole situation it was what had hurt Harry the most. She wanted Harry to open up his hurts to Louis because only Louis could make it better for him. She hoped that if Louis heard about Harry's hurts and if she pushed him enough into a corner, he would tell Harry the real reason why he broke up with him in the first place. But they both just sat there, silent and lost in their own thoughts.

'Harry?' Val called softly to him. He looked up startled, his wide green eyes meeting hers. 'Do you want to tell Louis how you feel about the breakup?' Harry shrugged.

'He knows,' he said quietly. Val brought her legs down and sat forward in her chair.

'Can you please sit facing each other?' Val asked them. At first they didn't move but then they turned slowly in their seat and looked at each other, eyes flitting and wary.

'Now,' Val continued, 'I want you to just look at each other, but see each other. See. Acknowledge each other and be aware of each other.' Val looked at her watch. Louis' heart was spiking. She smiled inwardly. He was rubbing his hands nervously and Harry was chewing on his bottom lip equally nervous but they were both looking at each other and Val could swear they had heart eyes.

'Harry,' she said softly, 'give me a good memory you had with Louis. Share it with him.' Harry kept his eyes on Louis.

'There's too many to mention,' he whispered.

'A special one,' Val encouraged him. Harry seemed to be thinking, chewing on his bottom lip then he looked at Val.

'I think the most special one.....'

'Not to me Harry,' Val interrupted him. 'Tell Louis.' Harry slowly looked at Louis and he swore he could get lost in his blue blue eyes that were looking at him ever so softly. He was afraid they would suck him in and he would get lost inside him. He swallowed and cleared his throat.

'I think the most special memory to me was the day Simon decided to put us into a band and you jumped into my arms and I carried you outside and up into our bus and...we were alone and I put you down and you pushed me against the bunk beds and you kissed me for the first time ever. You kissed me and when you pulled back you whispered against my lips "We made it Curly" and you kissed me again.' Harry stopped and swallowed, his heart beating wildly. 'That's my most special moment.' Val smiled at him proudly.

'That was very good Harry. Such a beautiful treasure of a memory. Louis?' Louis nervously licked his lips.

'I think my most special moment was during the Take Me Home tour when you changed the lyrics to Little Things and you sang to me...just for me and declared your love to me in front of all those fans. It was...a very emotional moment and you made me feel very special and very loved.' Harry smiled big and Louis felt sick in a good way but also in a bad way because all these memories where hurting his heart because nothing compared to the love he felt for Harry right now in that precise moment.

'That's beautiful Louis. Any more special moments you would like to remind each other of?' Harry cleared his throat.

'Remember when we were in Spain and you got bit by that sea urchin and they took you to hospital? I never felt so lost in my life. I was afraid for you and I worried so much. It was then that I realized that I was feeling something more than friendship for you.' Louis chuckled.

'Yeah when I came back from the hospital and you helped me to my room you were fussing all over me like a mother hen and it slipped your mouth that you liked me more than a friend.'

'And you said you felt the same,' Harry finished for him. They gazed at each other and Val felt the love in the room all warm and fuzzy. Come on Louis tell him. Tell him why you left him. Don't waste this love. Be brave and tell him.

'I did,' Louis told him his voice soft and low. He couldn't tear his eyes off Harry all soft curls and big green eyes and full lips and rosy cheeks. He longed to reach out and caress his face.

'And who can forget Marcel?' Harry told him, his smile getting bigger.

'Marcel,' Louis whispered and smiled at the memory.

'Who?' Val asked. Louis kept his eyes on Harry.

'We were doing this video for 'Best Song Ever' where we each took on a different character and Harry was this nerd with big glasses called Marcel. I couldn't stop fonding over him while he worked.' Harry giggled, remembering.

'You fonded a little too much. You made me wear that costume and do my hair like that while we...'

'Okay okay Harry stop. I don't think Val wants to know about that,' Louis stopped him. Val burst out laughing. 

'A little too much info there Harry,' Val told him and they all laughed. When the laughter subsided Val looked from one to the other. 'See? That wasn't so hard to do was it? Talking about these things is important because what you had was important and just because you are not together anymore these beautiful memories shouldn't be wasted.They are treasures to be cherished. And they are yours and yours alone. They belong to the both of you. Remember, you were friends first then lovers. Treasure the friendship you had. Now can you share unhappy memories with each other? Times that made you sad, that hurt you?' Louis gave her a pointed look, a look at said "Why are you doing this to me? I can't talk about this?" and Val understood his look very well but she wanted him to tell Harry why he left him because this love was worth saving, this love was not lost. They could make it work. They both remained silent.

'Louis?' Val asked tentatively. Louis looked down at his fidgeting fingers. 'Louis are there any bad memories you want to share with Harry?'

'No,' he snapped. Val knew he was reaching his limit so she decided to back off of him a little.

'Harry? Do you want to share with Louis any bad moments in your relationship?' Harry began attacking the holes in his jeans again. He shook his head slightly.

'I...I don't want to open unhealed wounds and make them bleed again,' he said quietly. Val sighed.

'If you don't heal those wounds they will fester and grow. But if you're not ready to talk to each other about your sad memories and hurts, then I won't push you. We will gradually get to it. You both found a safe and comfort zone together and I am happy that you did. Now I have some homework for you guys.' Louis and Harry looked at each other, their brows furrowed in confusion. Val laughed at their scowls.

'It's not a big thing really. As you know Shane and I leave in the morning. We will be gone for two days okay. Just two days and two nights. I know you guys have three days off before your next show in Manila which is why we picked these two days to go off for a bit. Now Harry....'

'Yes,' he said immediately, his face shining and a huge smile splitting his face, his dimples bracketing his beautiful smile. 'I will. I want to. Yes please.' Val burst out laughing.

'But I haven't even asked yet,' she told him. Harry nodded. 'Okay,' she sighed, 'so you will keep Adam for these two days. I will bring him by first thing in the morning. We leave early. But I have something else I need you to do for me.'

'Anything,' Harry was quick to reply. Val removed her watch, the suicide watch and handed it to him. He looked at her with furrowed brows.

'I need you to look after Louis while I'm gone. That watch monitors his heart. Can you do that for me?' Harry's face fell and Val saw the fear, the doubt and the shock cross his face. She knew what was going through his mind and so did Louis. Immediately Louis looked at him.

'I won't Harry. I promised you didn't I? And I promised Val. I won't. You can trust me.' Harry looked at him and nodded. He slipped the watch on his wrist and immediately he heard a faint beep beep and could see the pulsing digits measuring Louis' heart rate. Val smiled and looked at Louis.

'He is going to be your keeper for these two days Louis. Don't stray away from him or give him a hard time finding you. He will have my son to look after too so don't give him a hard time. Paul will keep an eye on you too.'

'God,' Louis huffed in irritation. 'I'm fine Val. You should get this bloody tracker off me. I'm not going to kill myself alright.' He said it with a light playful tone but Val didn't miss the irritation and frustration in his voice. She smirked at him.

'If Harry tells me you behaved when I come back then we'll see alright.' She got up and stretched. 'Now if you'll excuse me I have to prepare for my two day vacation with my wife and get ready for dinner tonight with my Missus and handsome son.' Louis and Harry got up and hugged her in turn, Harry saying he was having an early night so he will be up early for Adam in the morning. Val closed the door behind them and rested her back against it. She smiled to herself that she had managed to make them stick together for the upcoming two days. Two whole days together. Louis close to Harry. She crossed both her index fingers over her middle fingers, kissed them and screwed her eyes tightly shut.

'Please please please let Louis tell him the whole story. Be brave honey and tell him. Please please.'


	51. Chapter 51

Louis made his way towards the pool area. He felt happy and light and that for a change made him in a good mood. The day was hot and they had days off so he wanted nothing better than to go laze in the sun and drink a cold beer. His mates Oli and Stan had been allowed back to join him on the tour. He didn't know if it was Modest's way of "thanking" him for being good and going along with their plans or if Val had anything to do with them being back here but he was glad. However, Cal had not been allowed back due to "misdemeanors" and of being a "negative influence" on him; at least that's what Paul had told him he "overheard". From whom he had overheard that, he hadn't told Louis.

Louis met Oli and Stan in the lobby and together they headed towards the pool area. However when they neared the area, they were stopped by they security.

'Sorry Louis you can't go out there,' one of the security detail told him. Louis raised an eyebrow at him, questioning him.

'Why not?' he asked. 'Me and my mates just want to go for a dip and some sun. Is that a problem?' The security kept his eyes fixed on him.

'Harry is out there with Louise and the kids,' the security informed him. Louis grunted.

'So? The pool is big enough innit?' The security stared him down.

'You know you can't go out there while Harry is out there.....'

'Why the fuck not?' Louis said raising his voice attracting a little attention from hotel guests. He was getting irritated by this prick here ordering him around.

'Orders,' the second security said quietly. Louis rolled his eyes.

'Get the fuck out of my way. I'm going out there,' he said as he tried to make his way round the first security but he was quick to step in front of him and block his way.

'Please don't make a scene. Come back when Harry is not out there.' Louis was getting angrier by the minute. He took a step towards the security and looked up into his face.

'Get out of the fucking way,' he hissed through clenched teeth. He could feel the frustration clawing at him from the inside out. And here I was thinking I was going to have a good day, he told himself. It was absurd! Just because Harry was out there in the pool didn't mean he couldn't go out there!

The security stood his ground. 'I am afraid I cannot do that.' Before Louis could retaliate, he felt a hand on his shoulder and squeeze gently. He turned round and found Paul standing behind him.

'Oh great Paul can you tell this dick to get out of the way for me,' Louis said. 'I am in need of some sun and a cold beer.' Paul squeezed his shoulder lightly again.

'Louis you can't go out there while Harry is in the pool with that kid he's baby sitting. You know that.' Louis opened his mouth to contradict Paul but Paul raised a finger hushing him. 'If people get pictures of the two of you, in the same pool at the same time both of you gushing over a baby you know what will happen right? Twitter will go up in flames with Larry. We can't have that Louis and please bear with me here. You know I never had anything against you two being together but we can't have the fans going all crazy over how cute Larry are with the baby and how Larry is real. Please don't make it difficult.' Louis ground his teeth together.

'We are not together anymore,' he said through clenched teeth. Paul squeezed his shoulder again.

'We know that but the fans don't. They will make this into a very big issue if one photograph is taken and put up on Twitter. We can't have anymore of this Louis. You know they want to shut the Larry rumor mill down. Please. Please don't make it any more difficult than it is. They are only following orders.' Louis felt his anger dissipate and he deflated like a balloon. His shoulders hunched forward and he crumpled in on himself. He looked down at his shoes and realized that things will never change no matter what happens. He had left Harry as they had ordered him to do yet they still won't let him anywhere near him.

'Okay,' he said quietly. He knew he couldn't fight against the tides, that no matter how hard he tried, it would only swallow him whole. He nodded at Paul and walked back to Oli and Stan and together they walked away. Paul looked after him, how his shoulders sagged and his walk lacked it natural gait. Deep down in his heart, Paul felt sorry for him. He always tried so hard but Louis was fighting a losing battle. As long as they were still signed with Modest, he could never win.

 

 

Xxx

 

 

Harry quickly wrapped Adam in a big fluffy towel and hoisted him up on his hip.

'Let's go and see who's at the door shall we?' he told the little boy who squirmed in his grasp. Harry padded barefooted holding the dripping wet baby in his arms and opened the door of his suite and found Louis standing outside.

'Louis hey,' Harry greeted him. Louis looked from him to the baby then back at Harry. 'Wanna come in?' Harry asked him as he opened the door wider for him. Louis nodded and walked inside the suite after Harry. 'I was just giving Adam his bath. We've been at the pool all morning,' Harry explained to him as he walked into his bedroom. Louis followed. Harry lay Adam on the bed and began drying him off. Louis watched fondly as Harry dried the baby's toes and fingers and hair.

'Just thought I'd drop by to see if you needed any help baby sitting,' Louis told him by way of explanation. Harry looked up and smiled at him and Louis' insides turned to jelly.

'Sure,' he told him then looked back down at Adam. 'What do you say huh little man? Shall we let uncle Louis join in our man weekend?' The baby squealed as Harry tickled his tiny feet playfully. Then Harry looked back up at Louis. 'Unless you need to be with Eleanor?' Louis blinked. Eleanor? He had forgotten about her!

'Oh no. No. She's um out shopping. Seeing the sights.' He shifted from one foot to the other. Harry nodded and gave him a small smile.

'Okay then if you're sure.' Louis nodded.

'Anything I can do?' Louis asked. Harry straightened up and looked at him.

'You could fetch me the diaper back from the lounge please,' he told him. Louis smiled and went off to get the diaper bag. He came back within a minute and handed it over to Harry. Harry opened the bag and took out a nappy, baby powder and a onesie. Louis watched him as he powdered the baby and put the clean nappy on and put on the 101 Dalmations onesie on him. When he was done he picked him up and held him close, looking at the baby with all the tenderness Harry had inside him.

I could've given all this to him. That right there could have been our son. I robbed him of the possibility of being a dad, something he desperately wants, Louis told himself, feeling guilt and regret eating him up inside.

'Louis?' Louis blinked as he heard Harry call his name. He snapped out of it and focused on Harry, still in his swimming trunks and hair up in a messy bun and barefoot and holding the baby and it all made Louis feel warm and fuzzy inside and to long for what he had lost.

'Sorry,' Louis apologized. 'Did you need something?' Harry smiled at him fondly.

'I said can you hold him for a bit just so I can warm his bottle. He will need to nap now.' Louis nodded and outstretched his arms to take Adam but Adam clung to Harry and whined.

'Its okay little man. Uncle Louis will take good care of you. Just getting you your bottle my love,' Harry soothed the baby as he passed him over to Louis. Louis took him in his arms and again cursed himself for having ruined all this for Harry. Harry padded into the living room and Louis followed. He sat down on the couch and placed Adam in his lap while Harry went to the tiny kitchenette and began heating the ready made bottle.

'So what have you been up to today?' Harry asked him casually from behind the kitchenette counter. Louis shrugged.

'Just hung out with Oli and Stan,' he told him, not wanting to tell him that he had not been allowed in the pool area just because he was there. He didn't want to make Harry feel bad. Harry smiled.

'I'm glad they let your friends back on tour. I know how much you love them.' Louis shrugged again. But I love spending time with you more.

'Sorry Val entrusted you to look after me,' Louis told him. Not really sorry. I could kiss her for doing this.

Harry checked the bottle for the right temperature. 'It's quite alright. I don't mind. We're best friends now and that's what best friends do. They look out for each other.'

'Yeah,' Louis said. Fucking best friends! Harry walked back into the living room and took Adam from Louis. He sat in the opposite armchair and rested the baby comfortably in his arms and stuck the bottle in his mouth. The baby gripped Harry's fingers and started sucking on the teat contended. Louis could not take his eyes off Harry, the way he was comfortably holding and feeding the baby with such expertise. He needed this picture. He needed this as a keepsake because he was afraid he might lose the image in his head and not remember the moment Harry look like now, so soft, so paternal. He took out his phone and snapped a picture. Harry looked up, his eyes wide and glimmering back at Louis from his sun kissed face.

'Did you just take a picture of us?' he asked him with humor in his voice. Louis felt his cheeks heating up.

'Yeah I...I thought you might want to keep it when Val and Shane go back home.' Fuck! Harry smiled at him fondly.

'That's so nice of you Lou. Thank you,' he told him. 'So what have you and your friends been up to?' Harry asked him. Louis shrugged.

'Nothing much. Just went out for coffee, met some fans, took pictures, you know the usual. It's very hot out there so we came back here and went to the hotel's bar for a bit then I came here.' Louis stopped and chewed on his lips nervously. Why the fuck am I nervous around him? Its just Harold. Same Harold I've known since he was bloody sixteen!

'That's good,' Harry smiled at him fondly. Adam pushed the teat out of his mouth and Harry placed it on the coffee table, making sure to cover it. 'You had enough huh?' Harry told him. He sat him up and rubbed his back and no sooner he did that, Adam belched. Harry laughed.

'Good lad,' Louis complimented the little boy who gurgled happily in Harry's arms. Harry got up and held the little boy out to Louis.

'Do you mind watching him for a little bit? I need to have a shower. I smell of chlorine and I'm starting to itch.' Louis took Adam and sat him in his lap.

'Sure thing,' he told Harry as he took the remote control and flipped on the telly. 'Let's see what's on yeah,' he told Adam. 'Footie or cartoons?' Louis flipped through the channel and stopped on the Disney Channel where there was The Lion King on. 'Ah let's watch this. Good for you mate?' Louis asked the little boy. Adam gurgled in agreement. 'The Lion King it is then,' Louis told him as he settled back in the couch. Harry smiled at them both and shook his head at the adorable pair on the couch.

He would've made an excellent father, he thought but that would never happen with him now. 'I won't be long,' Harry told him. Louis nodded.

'Take your time. We're cool aren't we buddy?' Louis scrunched up his face at the baby and he giggled. 'We're fine Haz you don't have to rush.' Harry walked into his bedroom and cleared up the bed of the baby things. Then he took out some clothes and lay them on the bed. He took two towels and headed into the bathroom. As he stripped, he realized that he felt excited. Excited at having Louis in his room and spending time with him and Adam. Yeah he knew that Louis was supposed to be there since he was in charge of taking care of him till Val got back, but at least Louis wasn't complaining that he didn't want to be there or being in a bad mood. He actually seemed content to be here.

Harry got into the shower under the stream of hot water and for the first time in a few days, he dared allow himself to hope that things were better, that Louis and him were getting along better than they had. Still it pained him. He still loved Louis, was still in love with him but he was thankful for this new situation they were in now. At least he still got to have him in his life as more than just a band mate. As he was rinsing out his hair, he heard Adam cry and Louis curse. Harry quickly shut off the water and stepped out, wrapping a towel around his waist and he hurried out into the living room.

'What's wrong?' he asked, water dripping everywhere. His wet hair clung to his skin. Louis was holding Adam at arms length away from him and the baby was crying.

'He threw up all over me,' Louis told Harry. Harry hurried over and as soon as Louis looked up and saw him there in just a towel, hair dripping wet and skin glistening, he nearly dropped Adam out of his grasp. Holy fuck! Jesus Mary Joseph! He was so fucking gorgeous and hot!

Harry took Adam from him as he looked down at Louis' tee shirt and jeans spattered with Adam's vomit.

'How did he throw up on you? He was just fine when I left,' Harry told him. Louis swallowed hard and tried to get his brain and mouth to work at the same time which was incredibly difficult at the moment when he practically had Harry naked and wet in his face.

'I ugh he well we were ugh playing........' Harry quirked an eyebrow at him, a smile playing on his lips.

'Were you wrestling with him like you do with your little brother?' Louis felt his face heat up.

'Kinda,' he said. Harry rolled his eyes at him.

'I had just fed him Lou, you should know better. Even your mum tells you off when you play like that with Ernie after he's been fed,' he scolded him sweetly. 'Go into my room and take a tee and a pair of sweatpants while I calm him down,' he told Louis. Louis got up and went into Harry's bedroom. 'Shh shh there there sweety. Uncle Louis is a daft little bugger ain't he? Tossing you about after you just had your milk! What a silly silly man, a right twat. There there it's alright.' Louis padded back into the room wearing Harry's clothes which were a little too big on him. Harry felt his heart swell and beat rapidly in his chest. Louis looked adorable in his clothes. Harry always loved it when Louis wore his clothes, the way they hung on him and he had to roll up the sleeves and pants legs.

'Uhm me mum used to give the little ones warm water after they'd puke to settle their stomach. Maybe you should try that?' Louis offered feeling bad that he had made Adam throw up.

'Can you get that for me please?' Harry asked him, not wanting to trust Adam with Louis again. Louis nodded and went into the little kitchenette while Harry continued to patiently rock the baby gently and cooing him to calm him down. Louis handed him the bottle and Harry gave it to him. When he was done, he put the bottle down and looked at Adam who looked worn out.

'Can you hold him while I quickly get dressed? Maybe without making him puke again?' Harry told him with a smile. Louis frowned at him.

'Being a smart mouth I see huh,' he told him playfully.

'I learned from the best,' Harry told him as he handed him Adam. Louis' hands brushed Harry's hot wet skin as he took Adam from him and he nearly passed out. How long its been since I last touched you? How long has it been since I lay with you?

Harry walked back into the bedroom and came back after ten minutes, in a pair of sweatpants, his KISS tee shirt and hair up in a bun. Louis could scarcely breathe. He looked so beautiful. His skin was a little sun kissed, his cheeks red with the sun. He looked like summertime. And smelt of his blueberry shampoo and his promenganate shower gel that Louis remembered so well. Harry loved organic products and the smells of fruit. He bent over to take Adam from Louis.

'Time for your nap little guy,' Harry told him as he cuddled him close. He walked over to the balcony doors and pulled the curtains closed making the room dim. Then he began to sing to the baby as he paced the room rocking him gently. Louis stiffened as he heard Harry's deep voice softly sing Landslide to Adam. Harry loved Stevie Nicks. His voice was soft and deep and slow and Louis wanted to cry because he missed Harry so much. He missed everything especially the future they will never get to have!

 

I took my love, took it down  
I climbed a mountain and I turned around  
And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills  
'Til the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?  
Can the child within my heart rise above?  
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?  
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Well, I've been afraid of changing  
'Cause I've built my life around you  
But time made you bolder  
Even children get older  
And I'm getting older too

Well, I've been afraid of changing  
'Cause I've built my life around you  
But time made you bolder  
Even children get older  
And I'm getting older too  
Oh,I'm getting older too

I take my love, take it down  
I climb a mountain and turn around  
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills  
Will the landslide bring you down?  
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills  
Will the land slide bring you down, oh, oh?  
The landslide bring you down.

 

Harry's voice drifted away as he ended the song. Louis could hardly breathe as he watched him smile fondly at the sleeping child in his arms. Madonna and Child who? The world had yet to see Harry and Child! The longing with which Harry looked at the sleeping baby made Louis' heart ache knowing that he had robbed Harry of fatherhood. He had taken away so much from Harry and it pained him so deep, a regret that cut him up like a razor sharp knife. Harry walked into his bedroom and placed the baby in the travel cot that Val had brought over. Harry covered him with the tiny Spongebob blanket Val had also brought over. She had told him that it was Adam's comfort blanket. Harry smiled at the sleeping child and walked out of the bedroom, closing the door behind him. When he came back into the living room, Louis was still sitting as he had been, his eyes glued to the movie on the telly yet he was lost in thought, not really watching.

'Lou?' Harry called softly to him. 'Are you alright?' Louis blinked and looked up at Harry.

'Yeah why?' he asked him. Harry looked at the watch Val had given him to monitor Louis' heart.

'Well your heart has been racing a bit,' he told him. Fuck! Louis thought. He had forgotten all about that!

'Oh uhm Simba's dad just well died.......' Louis trailed off hoping Harry would buy into the lie. Harry looked at the telly then back at Louis.

'Well that explains it. You're getting very sentimental. Are you hungry? Shall I order lunch?' Harry asked him as he went over to the balcony doors to open the curtains.

'Leave them,' Louis said. 'And yeah I'd love lunch.' Harry shrugged and left the curtains closed. He went over to the menu by the phone.

'What are you having Lou?'

'Nothing of what shit you're having that's for sure,' he said smirking at Harry.

'Excuse you? I eat healthy for your information,' Harry laughed.

'Pfff you eat like a god damn koala...leaves, leaves and more leaves.'

'I do not,' Harry protested.

'You do too. What are you afraid of? A little cholesterol? Or that your waist will go from a 30 to a 31 inch?' Harry put his hands on his hips.

'I am afraid of none. Here order for me and I will eat what you order.' Louis raised his eyebrows at Harry.

'Are you challenging me Harold?'

'I am Lewis. I'll have what you're having.' Louis got up and snatched the menu from Harry's hand.

'Fine then,' Louis told him as he looked over the menu. When he was done he grabbed the phone and dialed room service.

'Hi this is suite 201 can I have a double cheese burger, fries, onion rings and mozzarella sticks,' Louis said into the phone while watching Harry's eyes go wide and his nose scrunch up. He knew Harry hated junk food and how he was a health freak. This order was freaking him out and Louis found it adorably amusing. He chuckled to himself as he waited for the person to take his order. 'And I'd like a Ceasar's salad with extra kale and olive oil. A sparkling water with a slice of lime and a Dr.Pepper please.' He smiled to himself as he watched Harry's face relax and visibly sigh in relief. Louis put the phone down.

'You didn't seriously think I was gonna make you eat what I had did you? Don't you know me at all Harold?' Louis asked him as he sat back down on the couch. Harry gulped and felt his cheeks heat up.

'No...I...I didn't think....'

'Yeah you did! I saw you visibly cringe at my order and your brain working up an internal panic attack at all the junk you were going to put in that body of your's and how you were going to beg Shane to work you double hard so you could get rid of all the fat you ate.' Harry smiled shyly at Louis.

'You know me well,' he said softly.

'That I do Harold,' Louis told him as he tapped him on the knee, letting his hand linger there for a minute until an awkward silence fell between them. He pulled his hand away and placed it in his lap.

'I'll check on Adam,' Harry told him and Louis knew that Harry was feeling awkward too. I'm such a fucking idiot touching him like that!

When Harry came back into the room, Louis was just at the door bringing in room service. He closed the door and turned and smiled at Harry, wanting to break the awkwardness.

'Lunch is served,' he told him as he pushed the trolley towards the kitchenette. Harry joined him and together they ate lunch.

'Adam still sleeping?' Louis asked him as he chewed on an onion ring.

'Mhm,' Harry replied.

'You're good with him,' Louis told him, feeling the need to praise him especially when he knew how Harry loved it. And he was rewarded with a dimpled smile.

'He's great,' Harry told him. 'I could do it for the rest of my life.' As soon as the words slipped out of his mouth, Harry regretted it. He knew how much they had talked about having a family when they had been still together and he wanted in no way to make Louis feel bad about it. 'Sorry,' he whispered.

'For what?' Louis asked him. 'I should be the one who's sorry for making you promises that I couldn't keep.' Harry looked at him with fond eyes.

'It's okay Lou. You did what you felt was right for you and I respect that.' Louis said nothing. Dammit! Fuck! Louis wished he could tell him all that was on his mind, all that had happened and why he had left him. He wanted to tell him how much he still loved him and wanted their future to hold all the promises they had made to each other but he couldn't. He just couldn't. He knew that Harry had moved on and that pissed him off because he hadn't moved on from Harry but he couldn't really blame him could he? Still, a part of him wanted Harry not to give up on him, to keep holding on. He was plain selfish.

'So what do you want to do now?' Harry asked him when he saw the pensive look on Louis' face. They were having such a good time and he didn't want anything to spoil their day. Louis shrugged.

'Anything you want to do.' Harry pushed his plate away.

'We can watch the telly,' Harry suggested. Louis nodded.

'Fine by me but I get to choose what we watch.' Harry shook his head.

'No way. We'll be watching football or some horror movie.'

'So?' Louis prodded. Harry got up off the stool and ran into the living room, grabbing the remote and flopping down heavily on the couch.

'You sneaky bastard,' Louis growled playfully as he dashed after him and sat beside him.

'Look there's Peter Pan on the Disney Channel,' Harry told him. Louis snorted.

'What are you? Six? I'm not fucking watching Peter Pan. Give the remote here,' he told Harry as he went to snatch it from his hand but Harry held it up over his head.

'No,' he said, ' I want to watch this.'

'Give me the remote you big goof,' Louis said again as he made another attempt to snatch the remote from Harry's hand but Harry held it up higher. Louis leaned onto Harry in another attempt to grab it but Harry only teased him by holding it out of his reach.

'Oh so that's how its going to be innit?' Louis told him and Harry giggled. Suddenly Louis flung himself over Harry, straddling his hips and began tickling him. Harry squealed and squirmed beneath him.

'Lou don't...don't,' Harry begged, laughing and squirming.

'Give it over then,' Louis challenged.

'Never,' Harry insisted, squealing as Louis' fingers dug into his ribs.

'Then be prepared to be tickled till you yield,' Louis told him as he continued to tickle him viciously. Harry squirmed harder, bucking up beneath him trying to get Louis off him but Louis held firm.

'Please Lou,' he said out of breath. 'I yield I yield.' Louis looked at the flustered Harry beneath him. Some stands of his hair had escaped his bun, his cheeks were all red and his green eyes shining with tears and he was giggling. Louis didn't stop himself when he felt himself bending over Harry and pressing his lips to his. Time froze. Harry stopped squirming and felt himself paralyzed as soon as he felt Louis' lips on his. He blinked and blinked again then automatically his lips moved against Louis' in a soft gentle kiss. When Louis felt Harry's lips move against his, he snapped back to his senses and he got up off Harry and sat on the couch.

'Fuck! Fuck! I...I'm sorry Haz...I...I don't know what the fuck came over me.' Harry sat up feeling dazed. Val's watch on his wrist was beeping frantically. Then everything came crashing back down. The magical moment was broken and shattered to pieces. Louis had kissed him and now he was regretting it because he was disgusted by this. Harry felt the back of his eyes burn and he wanted to cry.

'Haz say something,' he heard Louis plead. But Harry's mind was disconnected. Louis had kissed him. After months of pain and heartbreak he had kissed him only to regret it. To feel disgusted all over again.The pain was back, slamming in his heart as if he was being repeatedly stabbed.

'I should go,' he heard Louis say as if from a distance. He wanted him to stay but he knew that it would be better if he left. He didn't know what to say to him or what to do about the whole kiss incident. He just didn't want Louis to look at him and feel disgusted. It hurt. Harry said nothing and he was faintly aware of the dor closing softly behind Louis as he walked out.


	52. Chapter 52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello back again with more updates. Hope you are all well. Enjoy guys. All the love, M.

Harry paced the room nervously trying to calm Adam down while he cried frantically, his face red and his screams becoming louder by the minute .Ever since he had woken up from his nap he had been whiney and unsettled. For the past hour he had been crying non stop and Harry was beginning to panic. He could feel a sweat breaking out all over his body. He had tried everything from playing with him with his toys to singing to him to watching cartoons but nothing seemed to behaving an effect on the screaming boy. Finally he grabbed his phone and dialed Louis. He picked up after the first ring.

'Hey Lou sorry to bother you but I um kinda need some help. Adam won't stop crying and I've run out of options on what to do to soothe him and I'm freaking out.' Harry paused to listen, chewing nervously on his lower lip as he hoisted the crying baby on his lap. 'Okay thank you,' he said into the phone and hung up. Harry stuffed his phone back into his pocket and looked at Adam. The poor boy had red eyes and a runny nose and he was hiccuping while crying.

'What's wrong little love?' Harry told him sweetly. 'I wish you could tell me what you need. Is somewhere hurting you hmm?' Harry cooed as he kissed his forehead which felt a little too warm. A tap on the door told him that Louis had arrived. He hurried to the door and opened it, letting Louis in.

'What is it Haz?' Louis asked him as he looked at the crying baby in Harry's arms then back to Harry's stressed face. He looked as if he was going to start crying too.

'I don't know. He's been like this for almost an hour now. I tried everything and I...I don't know what to do. Should I call Val?' Louis smiled at Harry endeared by the worried look on his face.

'It's okay Harry. We'll figure this out. Don't call her yet yeah maybe he will settle down. Give him to me.' Louis took the crying baby from Harry. Harry looked like he was on the verge of teas as he stood there looking defeated. Louis squeezed his shoulder gently. 'Hey, it will be alright yeah. Kids get like this sometimes. I should know having had another six after me shouldn't I? He's a little too warm. Did Val give you a thermometer or any kind of medicines just in case?' Harry went into the bedroom to fetch the bag, happy that there was something he could do. He opened it and found a small bag with basic medicines, some first aid stuff and a thermometer.

'Yes she packed stuff,' he told Louis. Louis sat down on the couch and began taking the onsie off the baby.

'What are you doing?' Harry asked him.

'He's too warm Haz and I need to take his temperature to see if he's got a fever.' Harry nodded and watched as Louis deftly took off Adam's onsie and left him in just his nappy. He took the thermometer and placed it under the little boys arm, holding his arm firmly so he won't move it. The baby struggled against Louis' hold, crying heartily.

'It's alright baby boy. Uncle Louis will take care of you,' Louis tried soothing the baby, placing his lips against his warm forehead. 'Time one minute for me Haz,' Louis told Harry. Harry looked at the watch that Val had given him and timed one minute. Louis looked at Harry's worried face and his teary eyes. Louis smiled to himself. He had two babies to soothe here. Harry's scowl and watery eyes made his heart flutter in his chest. 'Hey it will be okay yeah. This is very common with little kids. It could be that he was out in the sun for too long yeah and he got a little feverish. We'll fix this don't worry.' He smiled at Harry, squeezing his arm gently trying to reassure him as he placed a soft kiss on the baby's head. Harry's watch beeped.

'That was one minute,' he told Louis. Louis took out the thermometer from under Adam's arm.

'101.4. Yep he has a temperature. Let me see what medicines are in the pack Haz.' Harry took out what was in the pack and placed them on the coffee table in front of Louis. Louis recognized most of them because his mum used the same ones on his siblings. 'Give me the pink Calpol and go fill up the tub with luke warm water yeah.' Harry passed him the bottle and did as he was told. After a few minutes Louis came into the bathroom with a naked whiney Adam and he gently lowered him into the water. Louis looked up at Harry who was fidgeting nervously and about to protest.

'This will help to lower his temperature. Be best to prepare him a bottle yeah. He will probably want it and want to sleep after all this crying. Plus the medicine will make him a little drowsy.' Harry nodded and hurried out of the bathroom and went out to the kichenette to prepare the bottle. When he got back, he found Louis sitting on the bed with Adam in just a fresh nappy lying on his chest sucking on his thumb. He handed Louis the bottle and Louis fed him. Harry watched him with soft fond eyes. He's so very good at this, he thought. He would've been an excellent dad to our kids. Pity it will never happen and I will never see him like this with our kids.

'You are very good at this,' Harry told him, wanting to voice out the thoughts in his head. 'You knew what you had to do to calm him down. Thank you.' Louis chuckled.

'My mum was a good teacher and believe me Haz I've seen my share of these tantrums and fevers to not know what to do. It was your first so you worried, well more like freaked out but that's understandable,' Louis teased him. Harry smiled faintly and looked down away from Louis, not wanting to remember how a little while ago he had kissed him.

'I'm sorry if I disturbed your evening. I didn't know who else to call.' Louis sighed deeply.

'Harry you didn't disturb me,' Louis told him in a soft voice. 'To be honest I was thinking of coming back here since I'm under your watch.' Perfect excuse to see you again and spend more time with you, Louis thought to himself but did not dare voice out those words to Harry. He had no right. Louis placed the bottle on the nightstand and rubbed Adam's back as the little boy relaxed on Louis' chest, his face mushed into Louis' neck. 'Harry, You look worn out. Sleep. I'll take care of him. He's almost out. I'll stay here if it's okay with you just so I can make sure his fever is watched.' Louis grabbed the remote control off the nightstand and turned the telly on, putting the sound on low. Harry gave him a quizzical questioning look.

'The telly lulls them to sleep. Back ground noise,' he explained to him. 'Phoebe and Daisy always slept to the sound of the telly. If we turned it off they would cry.' Harry climbed on the other side of the bed and lay down, making sure to keep a very safe distance away from Louis. He really did feel exhausted. He watched Adam splayed out on Louis' chest, sucking on his thumb and his eyes heavy and closing as Louis slowly rubbed circles his back.

'He's almost asleep,' Harry said softly. Louis smiled at him. He looked so cute with his messy hair and tee shirt and that worried frown between his eyes. Louis felt like he wanted to kiss him again but dissed the idea out of his head immediately. It could not happen again and he would not entertain the idea. He owed Harry an apology for his reckless behavior.

'I...I'm sorry about earlier,' Louis spoke softly, his voice low. 'I didn't mean to.....'

'Its okay,' Harry interrupted him, not really wanting to hear how Louis had been disgusted to kiss him. 'I know you didn't mean to. It was just the moment.' Louis huffed. Not it wasn't the fucking moment! He wanted to tell him that he had wanted to kiss him. That he had missed kissing him. He wanted to tell him that he wanted to be with him again but Louis knew that if he opened his mouth, the consequences of his action would be great. He swallowed thickly.

'Its not okay Haz,' Louis said quietly. 'I want you to know that I'm sorry and I didn't mean it.' Harry's heart hurt in his chest. Louis was here, on his bed with a baby sleeping on his chest telling him how wrong it had been to kiss him.

Of course you didn't! Harry thought. I disgust you.

'Its fine really,' Harry told him as he faked a yawn becasue he was afraid that if Louis kept on talking, he would burst into tears.

'You are knackered. Sleep Haz. This little one is almost asleep.' Louis placed Adam in the middle of the bed between him and Harry. Harry was curled up on his side facing Louis and Adam. He gently reached out and took Adam's little fist in his hand. Adam closed his fingers around Harry's finger.

'He's so tiny,' Harry whispered. Louis looked at him and again he saw the longing in Harry's sleepy eyes and felt it in the drawl of his voice. Again he was reminded of what he had lost because this could've easily been their life together. He cursed himself for not standing up to Modest. He cursed himself for not having the balls to defy them and and he cursed himself for not having the guts to just work through his issues with his sexuality. He cursed himself for all the things he did wrong and for being weak and giving up Harry.

He watched Harry close his eyes still holding Adam's tiny little fist between his huge fingers and Louis saw his future right there and then. This was what he wanted. He had to find a way to fix what he had ruined. He had to find a way to defy Modest and Simon but he knew that for the time being, he just couldn't and it saddened him to his core. This could be my husband and my son, he thought to himself. He is the love of my life. I love One Direction. I love the life we have but I love him more than anything. I should just choose him over everything and everyone every single time in every lifetime! But I haven't! I'm a weak coward! Louis lay down on his side, facing Harry and Adam both sleeping beside him. Harry's face was relaxed, the worry in his face smoothed out by sleep.

'I love you,' Louis whispered into the darkness.

And as Louis closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep, he vowed to himself that he will find a way to defy Modest once again and win back his love. If there was a choice to be made, he knew that in his heart he had already made it.

 

 

Xxx

 

 

Val knocked on Harry's door and waited impatiently for him to open the door and when he did, she found herself reaching out for her baby boy who was in Harry's arms and squealed when he saw his mother.

'Sweetheart,' she cooed as she took him in her arms and hugged him. 'Mummy has missed you so so much.'

'Ma ma ma,' Adam gurgled happily. She looked at Harry.

'Was he good?' she asked him.

'He was an angel. He had a little fever yesterday but Louis knew exactly what to do and this morning when we woke up Louis took his temperature again and he's just fine.......'

'Woah woah woah back up a second there. Louis slept here?' Harry smiled at her.

'He did. We all slept in the bed.....'

'Hold up there Harry! You slept in the same bed with Louis? I was gone for two days and you sleep in the same bed with Louis? Can't I have a break without coming back to this?' Harry took in a deep breath as Val walked inside his suite and sat down on the couch, looking up at him expecting an explanation.

'It s not what you're thinking Val. Adam was sick and I panicked. I called Louis because he has experience with kids and he came to help me. I was dead tired and he told me to sleep, that he'd look after Adam. He must've fallen asleep with us because this morning when this little guy here slapped me awake, I found Louis curled up beside me. He was tired too and you did tell me to keep him close so I did.' Harry smirked at her.

'I did tell you that but not as in sleep together. In the same bed!'

'It just happened Val. We were both tired. He did...uhm well...kinda kiss me,' Harry said in a lowered voice. His cheeks turned pink. Vals eyes went wide with shock.

'He did what?' Val screeched. 'Oh my God, I go away to relax for two days and I come back and you stress me out in two minutes flat. Wow you beat my wife at stressing me out!' Val placed Adam more comfortably in her lap. 'When did he kiss you? While you were in bed together?' Harry sat opposite her.

'No. It was right on that couch where you are sitting actually,' he told her calmly. Val looked at him hard.

'Harry stop with the cryptic and start talking or help me God.' Harry ran a hand through his hair.

'Nothing happened Val. He accidentally kissed me.' Val's eyes grew wide.

'Accidentally? He accidentally kissed you? How did that happen Harry? Did he "accidentally" trip and fall on your lips?' Harry giggled.

'No. We had lunch and we were messing about because he wanted the remote and I didn't want him to have it then he got on top of me and started tickling me and we got caught up in the moment and he just kissed me. It was brief and he regretted it right away. I disgusted him so much, he left.' Val stared at him in disbelief the way he non-chalantly said how Louis was disgusted by him. It wasn't right that was so comfortable with the fact that Louis felt disgusted by him, that he was normalizing it.

'You let him kiss you? Did you kiss him back?' Harry played with his hair nervously. 'Harry?'

'Yes I did. I did. I miss him Val and when I felt his lips on mine I....I don' t know.... it just felt natural and so normal and familiar. Louis has always been natural to me.' He looked at Val a pained look on his face. 'I miss him so much Val.' Val saw his lower lip tremble. She took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

'I'm sorry I snapped at you Harry its just that this came as a surprise. You and Louis are just beginning to work on your friendship. One of you has to have some sort of control to not blur the lines between you two. I have nothing against you two being together but the fact is that you are not. And Louis kissing you doesn't help you. I don't want you relapsing. You have come such a long way. You were beginning to heal. Are you hurting?' Harry looked at her from beneath lowered lashes.

'A bit yeah. Mostly because I know it disgusts him to be with me. That's what hurts the most and he regretted it right away. I know he did. I don't know why he kissed me in the first place.' Val huffed.

'That's what I'd like to know too. That boy has some explaining to do.' Val got up and hoisted Adam on her hip. 'I'll go talk to him.' She began to walk towards the door but Harry caught up with her.

'Val go easy on him. He didn't mean to kiss me and I didn't quite push him away either so its both our fault. He's been happy all weekend and relaxed. I will be fine so don't tell him about how the kiss hurt me and stuff. He doesn't need to know that yeah. I don't want him relapsing either. I will be fine promise. I will get over this too.' He took off the watch that monitored Louis' heart and handed it to Val. She took it, gave him a little smile and touched his cheek.

'You are an angel you know that?' Harry took her hand and squeezed it.

'Not really. It just costs nothing to be nice.'

 

 

xxx

 

 

Val tapped her foot nervously on the carpeted floor as she repeatedly knocked on Louis' door. A non stop continuous rapping until she heard him yell from inside:

'Hold your shit I'm coming.' Louis opened the door and found a stern faced looking Val staring back at him.

'Took you long enough,' she told him as she pushed past him and walked inside his suite.

'Nice to see you too,' Louis said with a chuckle as he closed the door behind her. Val could see that he was in a good mood. 'What are you so cranky about anyway? You just came back from a bloody relaxing vacation with your wife!' He sat down on the couch and crossed his legs, his ankle over his knee, looking relaxed and at ease. Val sat beside him and glared at him hard.

'What do you think you're doing?' she asked him. Louis looked at her confused.

'Uhm at the moment not much,' he told her. Val huffed.

'Don't play games with me Louis I'm not in the mood.' Louis chuckled.

'Wasn't your vacation as you planned or are you PMS-ing?' Val swatted his thigh.

'Don't be a dick,' she told him. 'What the fuck are you doing kissing Harry?' Louis' face went serious.

'Oh. That!'

'Yes THAT Louis. What are you doing?' Louis ran his fingers through his messy fringe across his forehead.

'It just happened,' he said quietly. Val swatted his thigh again.

'It just happened? These things don't just happen Louis! You can't do that to Harry! You can;t just go about kissing him when he doesn't know what's going on. I've been working so hard with him to get him to a point where he doesn't feel bad about himself because of all that happened and then you go and kiss him.' Louis sat up straighter and looked at Val.

'He feels bad that I kissed him?' Val smacked his thigh again. 'Ouch,' Louis complained, 'stop that!'

'What are you? An idiot? Of course he feels bad! Might I remind you that he thinks you are disgusted by your relationship therefore he thinks that you regretted that kiss because you are disgusted by him!'

'Shit,' Louis hissed under his breath. 'I never thought.......' Val swatted his thigh again.

'That's your problem Louis. You never think! Harry doesn't know the truth about why you left him Louis. He thinks you left him to be with Eleanor because your relationship with him disgusts you and you want to be straight so you are confusing the poor boy by kissing him like that then running out on him.' Louis stood up and walked towards the balcony.

'Val I love him. I never stopped,' he said quietly.

'I know and you know but he doesn't know that Louis! He thinks other things. All that you've put him through have changed him.....'

'Yeah he has moved on I know.' Val sighed heavily.

'Louis you need to tell him. He went through hell and he feels miserable.You can't let him think.....'

'I can't tell him Val. There's too much at stake.' He turned and looked at Val, a smile on his face and his eyes shining. 'I can however try to win him back.' Val shook her head.

'Bad idea Louis. You are going to confuse him. Last you told him was that you wanted to be best friends. Best friends don't go about kissing each other. And what about Eleanor? She has feelings too you know so don't play on them. And what if your management suspects what you're doing? If they do, it will back fire on you.' Louis flopped back down on the couch.

'I have been thinking about it Val. I want him back. I can't live without him of that I'm sure. About all the other stuff? I don't know. But I'm ready to take my chances. I will prove to Harry that he's the one.'

'Louis you're not thinking straight. Talk to him about what they made you do please. Harry will understand.'

'I can't let them know Val. I want him back and I will keep it all on the down low that way Zayn will not be kicked out of the band and I will have Harry again. No one needs to know. I will beg Eleanor to stay with me and be my beard again but I will tell her its Harry I want. I will pay her myself out of my own pocket if I have it. I will make it right Val. I can't let Harry be in anymore pain. I need to make it right.'

'God Louis what happened in these two days days I went away? Its just been forty eight hours and all this fucking drama? This is not a rom-com movie you know where you go against all obstacles and still win your love and get to live happily ever after. If you are going to make it right you need to make it right properly. I'm here to help you Louis and you are making a big mistake screwing around like this. Talk to Harry. Talk to Liam and Niall and Zayn. They will understand and you will get Harry back and keep it all under wraps so the band can stay together and none of you get fired. Then there's Eleanor. I doubt she will play along Lou.' Louis huffed and ran his fingers through his hair.

'Why do you always have to make sense?' he asked her.

'That's what I'm here for to stop you from causing shit and make you reason. If you want Harry back I will help you. You are going to need to work hard to win him back. He is injured and you need to go slowly on him.' Louis looked at Val with sad eyes.

'What if....what if he doesn't want me anymore? What if he's moved way past me and is over this? Over us?' Val winked at him and smiled.

'I guess that's a risk you're gonna have to take finding it out.'


	53. Chapter 53

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning. 7 am on a Sunday morning. Coffee at hand and Harry playing Lights Up on my laptop so I'm ready for an other update and more writing after. Wishing you all a good day. All the love, M.

The club was packed. The music was pounding hard. Alcohol was flowing freely and bodies were crashed together moving to the steady thrumming beat. Louis, Eleanor, Liam and Zayn together with their security made their way inside, their security making sure to keep people at a distance until the boys were safe in the VIP lounge. Their concert in Manila had ended just an hour and a half ago and the boys were still buzzed and high on adrenaline and wanted to party except for Niall who wanted to chill and watch a football match and Harry was in the company of Xander who had flown in to the Philippines to spend a few days with his friend. Louis had frowned and scoffed inwardly when he had asked Harry if he wanted to join them but Harry had declined his offer politely saying he had plans with Xander.

Fucking Xander!

Louis grit his teeth together hard at the thought of Xander with Harry. If it weren't for him, Harry would've come out with them tonight. Or maybe not. Harry wasn't much into clubbing but he would've found an alternative just to spend time with him, maybe taken him to dinner or something. He dismissed that out of his mind right away. They would cause a stir with fans if someone spotted them out to dinner together. The rumors would continue to flare. Not that they had stopped! Every time Louis went on Twitter, they were there, both of them, Larry all over twitter! Secretly, Louis was pleased that Larry was still out there! He felt as if somehow that kept he and Harry alive, it kept them together. For the past week, ever since Louis had decided that he wanted Harry back, he had been trying hard to get close to Harry, being extra nice and caring but Harry was somewhat distant and extra fidgety around him and Louis couldn't blame him for that. Val had warned him that he would only confuse Harry with his actions unless he told him the truth about why he had left him and she had also warned him that Harry had his guard up. Louis could still hear Val telling him that Harry was not the same Harry as before, so open and trusting. This Harry had fears and trust issues and Louis could blame no one but himself for Harry's fears and lack of trust. But Louis was determined to show him that he could trust him again and that he shouldn't be afraid of him! He didn't want Harry afraid of him and Harry's trust was something he craved, needed and yearned for. Harry always trusted him. Always. And Louis knew he needed to earn that trust back and he would do anything to earn it back. Val told him that honesty was the best policy here, that he should tell him but Louis was adamant about keeping the whole thing from Harry and his band mates. 

Fucking Val! Why did she have to be right all the fucking time?

Louis knew it was what he needed to do to fix everything but he had to admit to himself that he was afraid. For once he was afraid of Modest and of Simon especially and of the consequences that would follow his actions because this time he knew that others were implicated should he step out of the boundaries Modest and Simon had put up for him. He had told all this to Val still she insisted that it wasn't fair on Harry. Louis knew she was right but it wasn't fucking fair on any of them was it? Not on him or Zayn or Liam or Niall because they could all be effected should he open his mouth. He figured if he could keep silent and win Harry back and beg Eleanor to be his beard again things might just work out.

Finally they made their way to the VIP lounge and Louis sighed in relief. The club was too packed to move freely. The Philippines was a hot country, much too hot for what they were used to but they loved it. Louis could feel his tee shirt sticking to his skin and he was glad for the air conditioner in the VIP lounge. They settled on the couches and drinks were brought to them and they relaxed, enjoying the cool drinks, music and friendly banter. Eleanor sat too close to him, her hand on his thigh and it was burning holes through his skin. He wanted to remove her hand when she ran a finger up the inseam of his jeans and move the hell away but Louis reminded himself that he might need to beg her to be his beard, so he let her sit close and touch him.The heat of her body was suffocating him, her perfume cloying his sense of smell and he could feel her small breast pushing into his bicep. It was going to be long night and Louis hoped to God she wouldn't try to seduce him again once they got back to the hotel. So Louis let his mind wander back to Harry. Harry. Harry. Harry with fucking Xander! He felt his insides burn. Harry was his and he couldn't stand the thought of him alone with Xander! It was barely bearable when Jeff and Glenne had been here but now, the two of them alone killed Louis. He picked up his glass of beer and downed half of it and two shots right after it. If he drank enough it wouldn't matter what Harry did. He was a free man. But Louis missed him. The missing him ached in his bones right down to the marrow.

Selfish prick that I am!

He knew he had left Harry but that didn't mean that he had let him go and it roasted him to know that he was with Xander and that Harry was happy to be spending an evening with Xander because Xander had flown all the way out here just to spend time with Harry. It pissed him off and drove him blind with jealousy that Harry had chosen to spend time with Xander rather than come out to the club with him, with them! He had half a mind to go back and disrupt their evening but he couldn't. He had to give Harry space Val had told him. Go gentle on him Val said. Don't rush him or force yourself on him Val said.

Fucking Val!

Louis downed his beer and started on another one. He didn't want to get blind drunk. He just wanted to take the edge off his internal battle and relax. Harry was still here, he wasn't leaving and they were on good terms and he would do his utmost to win him back, if Harry still wanted him that is. And that hurt Louis a lot. Just the thought that Harry had totally given up on him and moved on was enough to make Louis have an internal panic attack! Just the mere thought that Harry might not want him back scared the shit out of him.

Louis was pulled out of his thoughts by Zayn slapping him on the thigh. Louis turned to face him with wide startled eyes.

'Did you hear me Lou?' Zayn asked him. Louis blinked trying to focus on Zayn.

'No. What do you want?' Louis asked him a little annoyed.

'Woah easy there. What are you so pissed about?' Louis scowled at him.

'I'm not pissed at anything Zayn. I was just thinking.' Zayn smiled at him.

'Okay. I said Lee and I will be back. Just going to get drinks.' Louis shrugged.

'Fine. Go. Eleanor will keep me company,' he told him. Liam squeezed his shoulder.

'We won't be long. Just gonna go get another round of drinks okay. You will be fine?' Louis rolled his eyes.

'Pff of course I'll be fine! What am I? Six? I'm here with my girlfriend. Go, and get me something stronger than beer.' Liam and Zayn laughed.

'No getting horribly wasted tonight alright?' Liam warned him. Louis rolled his eyes again.

'Can you stop being "dad" for a night and just chill?' Liam smiled at him fondly.

'I'll try. You just look worried and you were a million miles away from here.' Louis huffed.

'Oh my God just stop with the worrying already. I'm fine. We came here to have a good time didn't we El? Now go get another round before I grow old here.' Liam and Zayn laughed and they got up off the couch. Security went to follow them but Zayn stopped them.

'We'll be fine no worries. Just gonna go get a few drinks mate.' Before they could protest any further and be lectured them about their safety being top priority, Zayn and Liam went off. As they were walking towards the bar, Zayn tugged Liam's arm and motioned towards the VIP bathrooms. Liam followed him. Once inside the bathroom which was empty, Zayn sighed in relief. Before Liam could ask him what's wrong, Zayn pushed him up against the wall, his body leaning heavily into Liam's, his breath a little heavy against Liam's lips.

'Finally I get you alone,' Zayn whispered huskily against Liam's lips. Liam took in a sharp breath.

'Zayn its not safe. Somebody could come in.' Zayn smiled a mischievous smile.

'I don't care. I have been dreaming of this all the while we were onstage. You were so hot today. Made me all hot and bothered.' Liam smiled even though he was feeling nervous.

'Did I?' he asked him seductively.

'Mhm,' Zayn whispered against his lips before swooping in and taking Liam's lips into a hot kiss. His tongue entered Liam's mouth, wet and hot. Their tongues met together and wrestled for dominance. Zayn pushed his hips down on Liam's and was happy to feel Liam's hard dick pressing against his own. Zayn pulled back.

'Someone is happy to see me,' he murmured as his hand trailed down to Liam's crotch and he began palming him softly. Liam closed his eyes as a moan escaped his parted lips.

'Zayn someone could come in and we're supposed to be getting drinks,' Liam told him breathlessly. Zayn continued to palm him, harder.

'You want me to stop?' he whispered against Liam's neck as he sucked lightly on the skin.

'God no,' Liam moaned, his fingers digging into Zayn's shoulders. 'Don't mark me Zayn.'

'Hmmm,' Zayn moaned against his skin. 'I want to taste you Lee.' Liam opened his eyes and looked at him a little surprised.

'Here?' he asked him.

'Here,' Zayn whispered. 'Now.' Before Liam could say anything else, Zayn took his hand and dragged him into an empty stall, pushing him up against the locked door. It wasn't often that Zayn was the dominant one but when he was, Liam had no fucking chance. Zayn smirked at Liam as he began to unbuckle his belt, button and zip. Zayn got down on his knees and looked up at Liam, his hazel eyes sparkling. Liam reached down and cupped his cheek, his thumb tracing his sharp cheekbones. Zayn leaned into his touch, his eyes closing momentarily then he looked up at Liam again.

'Try to be quiet yeah,' he told him as he pulled Liam's jeans and boxers down. Liam swallowed hard anticipating Zayn's next move. He didn't have to wait long before he felt Zayn's mouth on him, taking him down.

'Oh God,' Liam whispered as he closed his eyes, feeling Zayn taking him deeper into his mouth. Zayn looked up at Liam who had his head against the wall, his eyes tightly shut and his fingers curled into Zayn's hair. Zayn smirked and continued to work on Liam, bobbing his head and hollowing his cheeks sucking him off. Liam groaned and bucked his hips, hitting the back of Zayn's throat. Zayn gagged slightly but continued his ministrations on Liam who was losing control above him.

'Zayn...I...I'm clo..close...Zayn God.....' he muttered but didn't get to finish as he spilled his load into Zayn's mouth. Zayn took it all in till the last drop and when Liam came down from his high, he got up off his knees, wiped his mouth and smiled at Liam who looked dazed. Zayn touched his cheek.

'Hey you okay?' he told him as he gently pressed his lips to Liam's in a soft loving kiss. Liam smiled at him.

'Yeah....that was....'

'Amazing?' Zayn cut him off. 'I know,' he told him as he winked at him and opened the stall door. Liam pulled up his boxers and jeans while Zayn fixed his hair in front of the mirror. Liam walked behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him close, burying his face in the back of his neck. He placed a kiss behind his ear.

'Thank you,' he whispered. 'I'll pay you back later tonight hmm what do you say?' Zayn smiled at him through the mirror.

'Looking for ward to it already. Now let's go get those drinks before everyone will start wondering where we are.'

 

xxx

 

The van stopped in front of the hotel to let the boys, Eleanor and their security out. As they stepped out of the van, the boys noticed that there were some fans waiting for them. Their security suggested that they should go straight in seeing that the boys were slightly drunk. Security had been warned by management to avoid any pictures taken of the boys while intoxicated as they didn't want them hitting the internet with a scandal.

As they made their way inside the hotel, the fans called out their names and began taking photos and videos.

'Where are Harry and Niall?' one fan asked. Liam giggled.

'Asleep,' he replied with a huge smile on his face.

'Zayn can I take a photo with you?' another fan asked. Zayn walked over to her despite the security trying to get him to keep walking inside and stood beside her as she took a selfie.

'Louis marry me,' another girl squealed out as she began taking a video of Louis. Louis smiled broadly at her.

'I'm gay its pretty unfortunate,' he told her as they all walked inside. Liam and Zayn slapped Louis on the back.

'Dude did you just tell her that?' Zayn asked him bewildered but smirking a little proudly at his friend. Louis burst out laughing.

'Prick,' Eleanor muttered as they all got into the elevator. When the doors closed the security pressed the button to their floor. Liam looked at Louis.

'Did you seriously just say that to that girl? You know she recorded it!' Louis looked at Liam, a huge silly grin plastered on his face.

'I did didn't I?' Eleanor huffed and folded her arms on her chest.

'You're as asshole,' she told him angrily. Louis giggled.

'Aww lighten up El. It's not like I'm not!' Eleanor turned on him, her face full of anger.

'You're not Louis. You're drunk and full of shit,' she spat at him. Zayn and Liam were trying not to laugh. Louis looked at her and smiled.

'Well let me see, five years in a relationship with a guy would make me at least ninety five percent gay don't you think guys?' he asked Liam and Zayn who burst out laughing. Eleanor huffed and gave him a hard glare.

'You know shit's gonna fly right as soon as that recording hits Twitter?' Zayn asked him. Louis shrugged.

'Let it. I don't care,' he told him, a silly grin plastered on his face.

'You really shouldn't have said that. There will be problems,' the security told him. 'You know the rules.' Louis sighed dramatically.

'Well its not like I can take it back now can I? It is what it is,' Louis slurred.

'Dick,' Eleanor muttered and Liam and Zayn burst out laughing again, leaning on Louis nearly toppling him over. The security straightened him.

'Jesus Christ you guys are out of control,' the security told them.

'No control,' Louis yelled.

'Be quiet,' the security told him sternly as the elevator door opened onto their floor. Louis continued to sing 'No Control' loudly at the top of his lungs, Zayn and Liam slurring the words out trying to singalong with him. Their security tried to quiet them down but suddenly Louis started yelling out for Harry.

'Harry!' he yelled loudly. 'Harry!'

'Louis get a grip for fuck's sake,' Eleanor scolded him. 'You're an embarrassment!'

'Quiet down,' the security warned him. 'Harry is asleep and you're gonna wake up the whole floor.' He held Louis up by the underarm to keep him steady. Liam and Zayn laughed loudly, leaning heavily on to each other.

'But the whole floor is ours,' Louis protested as he yelled for Harry again. He turned to the security trying to tug his arm out of his tight grip. 'Harry is my friend. I need to tell Harry what I did. Harry come out. Harry!!!' A door opened slowly and Val stepped out into the corridor.

'What's going on here?' she asked the security detail.

'Val!' Louis yelled as he pulled out of the security's grasp and stumbled towards her and drew her in a tight hug. Val hugged him back, her eyes questioning the security. 'Val I told them I'm gay,' Louis whispered a little too loudly. Val pulled back from the hug and looked up into Louis' grinning face.

'You did what?' she squeaked. 'Who did you tell Louis? What did you do?'

'The fucker told them,' Zayn slurred a little smugly. Val's eyes went to Zayn as she felt panic rise within her.

'Shush Zaynie pooh,' Louis told him. 'I'll tell her.' Louis straightened himself the best he could and tried to make a serious face. 'Well, a fan asked me to marry her and I told her I'm gay its pretty unfortunate.' He pulled a funny face at Val and Zayn and Liam burst out laughing. Eleanor rolled her eyes and looked at one of the security.

'I'm tired. Please book me another suite. I'm not staying in the same room with him,' she told him giving Louis an evil look. The security nodded at her and together they walked towards the elevator once again. Val looked at the remaining two security detail, her eyes resting on the one that was holding Louis, his thick fingers tight around his bicep..

'And you are?' she asked him.

'Mason,' he replied. Val put her hands on her hips.

'You let him drink?' she growled at him. 'He's on fucking suicide watch and you let him get totally wasted? What the fuck are they paying you for? You were supposed to look out for him not let him get shitfaced!' Mason began to say something but Val cut him off. 'What exactly did he do?'

'There were some fans outside the hotel and its what he said. He told one of them what he told you he said while she recorded it.'

'Shit,' Val spat. 'Fucking shit!'

'Its alright,' the other security told her. 'They won't put much stock into it. Their management will take care of it and demolish it like they always do. Its the way this business works. They cover up their shit.' Val glared at him.

'And you are?' she asked him.

'Lance,' he told her.

'Well look here Lance. What you just said there is not how things should go. I will report your asses for not taking care of him and letting him get drunk.'

'Hey...' Mason began but the door opposite the hall opened and Harry peeked sleepily from behind the door, rubbing his tired eyes.

'What's with all the noise?' he asked, his voice deep with sleep. Louis' face lit up like a beautiful dawn and a smile spread across his face, making his eyes crinkle at the sides.

'Harry,' he breathed in relief, 'there you are.' He took a few unsteady steps towards him. Harry looked at him.

'Are you wasted?' he asked him as Louis nearly stumbled into him. Mason held Louis. Harry looked from Liam to Zayn who stood there grinning stupidly leaning into each other. 'You too?' he asked them. Zayn shrugged and belched loudly.

'Excuse you,' Liam told him giggling.

'Really Zayn?' Louis slurred as he himself let out a loud belch. 'Pardon me,' he said covering his mouth. Liam and Zayn burst out laughing. Harry gave them each a hard look.

'Seriously?' he told them. 'Lou you're not supposed to be drinking,' Harry told him softly, his green eyes shining with concern. Louis smiled at him.

'Harry I told them,' he told him equally softly and almost shyly but he also sounded proud of himself and he wanted to make Harry proud of him. He wanted to show Harry that he was trying and that he was slowly accepting his sexuality. Zayn clapped Louis on the back a little too hard, sending him stumbling forward and crashing straight into into Harry. Harry caught him in his arms and Louis looked up through his long lashes straight into Harry's green eyes and Harry stared down into Louis' blue eyes and for a moment the world stopped turning and everyone around them disappeared and it was just the two of them and when Louis blinked and his eyelashes fluttered softly, Harry felt like his heart was going to erupt from its fast beating.

'That he did,' Zayn said interrupting their moment. Harry straightened Louis up making sure he was steady on his feet.

'What did you do Lou?' Harry asked him, his voice no more than a hoarse whisper.

'He told them,' Liam answered. 'Louis just told them....'

'Shut up Lee,' Louis growled at him cutting him off, a scowl on his face. Harry looked over at Val clearly confused by what was happening in front of him. Val just shook her head in disappointment. These three were clearly shit faced and they were not making any sense at all. Val looked at Lance and Mason.

'Take the boys to their rooms and Mason make sure you stay with Louis all night. I'm holding you responsible for his well being.' Mason looked at her hard, clearly not pleased with her order.

'He's a grown ass man...' he started to protest but Val moved closer to him, her face a mask of anger and annoyance. She stretched to her full length even though Mason was well over six feet tall.

'And so are you,' she hissed at him. 'He was under your supervision and you should've seen to it that he didn't get wasted like that,' she growled pointing at Louis who was leaning against Harry's door frame, looking at him as if he was the sun.

'I am not his baby sitter,' Mason spat at her.

'You are!' Val yelled at him, her temper with this asshole reaching it's limit. 'You are everything he needs you to be because you are being fucking paid for it. You are his carer, his baby sitter, his fucking whatever he needs. Now take him to his room and see that he has plenty of fluids so he won't dehydrate and a good breakfast once he wakes up. His stomach will need food to absorb all that alcohol. Now take them to their rooms so they can fucking sleep it off!' Mason scowled at Val but he moved towards Louis and grabbed him non too gently by the upper arm.

'Hey,' Harry said, moving protectively towards Louis. He looked at Mason. 'Be gentle with him alright.' Mason rolled his eyes. Louis smiled up at Harry.

'Can I sleep in your room Hazza?' he purred softly. Harry felt his insides melt like ice-cream on a hot day. He looked at him in the fondest way possible and he wanted to so much remove the fringe out of his eyes and stroke his cheek to feel his stubble under his finger tips. Harry smiled at him.

'Not today yeah. Maybe some other time,' he told him and he hated himself when he saw the smile slip off Louis' face and his eyes dim. Louis pouted little and Harry felt the urgent need to kiss that pout away.

'Okay,' Louis whispered and he let Mason lead him to his suite. Harry and Val stood alone in the now empty corridor.

'What happened?' he asked her. Val took in a deep breath and pushed her glasses further up her nose.

'Apparently outside the hotel there were some fans waiting for them and one of them asked Louis to marry her and the little shit told her I'm gay its pretty unfortunate and it was recorded.' Harry ran a hand through his messy bed hair.

'Shit! Did he really say that?' Val nodded at him. 'Is he out of his mind?' Harry breathed, already starting to panic. Val took his hand in hers.

'Hey calm down okay. He's...he's trying Harry. I told you in the last session that Louis is trying to come to terms with his sexuality. He's still very confused. He might be trying in the wrong way but he's trying. I shouldn't be telling you this Harry but I have to. He's...he's trying to make things right with you and with everyone he has hurt. It's what's propelling him forward. He's making amends.' Harry looked at her with worried eyes.

'This is bad,' he muttered more to himself than to Val. 'This will be allover Twitter. The girls, they will spread it like wild fire and it will be all about Larry. Managment will be on him come first light.'

'I know,' Val simply told him. 'Just be prepared for anything Harry but mostly be prepared to stand by him as his friend if not anything else. You need to be there for him. Louis is going through changes and he will change everything around him.' Val was already thinking of what their management will do to Louis and to Zayn.

'What's gotten into him? He knows better that to tell the girls that kind of thing. He knows what they do.' Val smiled faintly at him.

'I don't know but he knows well enough that your fans are your best PR. Louis is fighting back again Harry.' Harry's face clouded over and he looked at Val with sad eyes.

'He also knows that its in vain. We are not together anymore and they will change this into something else. They will blame the girls for misinterpreting things as always. Louis can't go around saying he's gay. What about Eleanor? They know he's with her.' Val squeezed his arm.

'You know what Tupac once said Harry? Real eyes realize real lies and your girls are not fooled. I have been following the fandom and though they might be on the other side of the fence, they see, they realize and they know.' Harry looked at her and sighed.

'Why does everything has to be so hard? Is it too bad that all we wanted was to be together?' Val smiled at him.

'True love is never easy Harry. That's when you know its true when despite all the obstacles, the fights and the hardships at the end of the day you can look back and say we made it through all of that. No matter what is happening now, if its meant to be, you and Louis will be together and when that day finally comes you will look at each other and say "we made it". Now go get some sleep. I'm betting we're gonna a have some talks tomorrow.' Harry nodded and hugged her tightly.

'Thank you Val. For everything,' he whispered. Val hugged him back tightly.

'Don't thank me just yet Harry. Thank me when you can finally say "we made it".' Harry pulled back and he had the sweetest most serene smile on his face. He didn't know why but the way Louis had been acting lately and Val's words seemed to give him some kind of hope though for what he didn't know exactly and he knew better than to get his hopes up high. But still, his heart felt light and the future suddenly didn't look so bleak. He gave a final smile to Val and walked back into his suite, letting the door close silently behind him.

Val stood in the corridor all by herself and realized that this was becoming more difficult by the minute, that no matter what Harry and Louis tried to do in regards to their feelings for each other, they would be stopped. She knew now that Louis was on a mission to get Harry back and she wasn't against that, only she wished that Louis would listen to her and come clean to Harry about the real reason why he had left him. She knew it wasn't her place to give Harry any hope but she wanted to help push Louis in the right direction and help him avoid make any mistakes. She had to help them. She saw the hope flicker in Harry's eyes and she knew that Harry still adored and loved Louis but she couldn't tell him. That was up to Louis to tell him.

Val headed back to her room with a heavy heart. She hated seeing them like this. She hated seeing Louis fight alone but she would not let him fight alone this time.

'What was that all about?' Shane asked her as she entered their bedroom. She was propped up in bed, a book in her lap. Val paced the room nervously.

'Louis just kinda told a bunch of fans outside the hotel that he's gay. I swear to God that boy is insane. He doesn't do simple. I told him what he should do and how to go about doing it but no he has to go big or not at all. He can't go about saying things like that. Those girls recorded it and all Larries will take it literally. They have no idea he was drunk. Do you know what's going to happen now?' she asked Shane but before Shane could open her mouth to reply, Val opened her arms and let them fall to her side in a helpless manner and she continued:

'The fandom is gonna go crazy like they always do when something Larry related happens. That video will break the internet. Modest will freak their asses out and will definitely find ways to shut this down like they always do. They will twist it and turn around until it will make a whole new explanation for what Louis said. Louis is trying so hard and I told him to talk to Harry. Harry would be by his side helping him but no the little fucker has to do things his way and how am I supposed to help him this way? How am I supposed to help them go against Modest when he keeps defying them? I'm going to let them down and I'm worried about Louis because he is trying so so hard and I'm terrified he might relapse and what if I can't save him? What if....' Shane got out of bed and gently held Val from her upper arms.

'Honey honey take a breath. Take a deep breath for me.'

'I...I can't...he...he has to listen....he needs to....'

'Val sweetheart you're having a panic attack. Breathe with me okay. That'sit. Nice deep breaths. Easy now. There you go. Calmer?' Val nodded and Shane led her to sit on the bed. Shane rubbed her back in soothing circles.

'Val you seriously need to calm down. Ever since we got here you've been a bundle of jittered nerves.' Val looked at her from behind her glasses.

'What if I can't help them? What if Louis will go back to....you know....' Shane took in a deep breath. She knew Val's greatest fear and that that wound was all open up again and it was bleeding and hurting all over again.

'Val Abel's suicide was not your fault honey. You helped him the best you could.' Tears fell from Val's eyes and rolled down her cheeks.

'I didn't help him enough and I don't want Louis to.....'

'He won't!' Shane told her firmly. 'Louis won't Val. He has a great support system, family, friends. Things that Abel didn't have.' Val sniffed.

'If he's pushed to breaking point he might try again. He's very vulnerable right now.' Shane took in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

'Don't make me pull the plug on this Val.' Val stared at her unable to believe what Shane was saying.

'This is my job Shane!' she snapped at her. 'This is what I do. I help people.'

'I know that but you can't save everyone!' Shane replied. 'And you need to help yourself too.' Val took off her glasses and wiped her eyes.

'I have to try with all I've got. I can't let him fall through the cracks. I won't let him become another star added to the ones in Heaven. I won't let that happen,' she said choking on a sob. Shane kissed her on her forehead. She knew how much Louis had grown to mean to Val as did Harry.

'I know you won't let him. Thanks to you he will shine his light here for everyone to see. Hopefully with Harry by his side. Now come to bed.' Val stroked her cheek lovingly.

'I'm going on line to see what that little firecracker has stormed up. I need to be ahead of things to see how the fandom is reacting. You go to sleep love.' Shane nodded.

'Okay but try to get some rest even though I know you won't because you will drive yourself into the ground first before you give up.'


	54. Chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys hope everyone is well. Its the weekend and here I am a little bit earlier other usual. Those of you who follow both my accounts on Twitter already know why I am here today. For those who don't follow me, this weekend I will be updating today and Sunday as tomorrow I am very busy and I worry I might not be able to update so I'm not taking any chances in leaving you with just one update. As always thank you so much for your kudos and lovely comments. I appreciate it all. So here's your update and see you Sunday with another one. Enjoy. All the love, M.

Shane stirred and stretched in bed, her bones creaking. She opened her eyes slowly and saw daylight filtering from behind the drawn curtains. She looked at her watch and it read 6:30 am. She looked at the other side of the bed and it was empty. She reached out her hand and touched the sheets. They were cold. She swung her long legs off the bed and got up, stretching again and padded barefoot to the adjoining room and found Val sitting at the small table near the balcony in front of her laptop with Adam in her lap and a dozen empty coffee cups next to the laptop.

'You didn't sleep did you?' Shane asked her yawning while walking towards her. Val looked at her, her eyes bloodshot but full of excitement.

'Its trending! Its fucking trending! Louis made news. The video is everywhere. Fans are all bat shit crazy about it.' Shane smiled at her and placed a kiss on the top of her head. She reached out and took Adam from her, cuddling her son to her.

'How are they taking it?' she asked her.

'They are those who are supporting him and a few of those who are not,' Val told her. 'Louis does have a lot of support out there and Larries are backing him 100% plus. However there are those who support him with Eleanor who are pissed off and are fighting with Larries who resolutely believe that Louis and Harry are together, the current circumstances not withstanding. My God they so want them together its kinda endearing. But like I said, there are also the cons to all this pro. There are fans threatening to leave the fandom while insisting that what Louis said was not what Larries are saying. I don';t know where the hell they heard the mention of a birthday on the video because that's what they are saying, that it was a fan telling him she has the same birth date as his which honestly doesn't make any sense. You can clearly hear him say what he said but they are twisting it around! The real Larries and Directioners are giving them grief and basically telling them to sod off as they were never real fans in the first place if they can't accept that Larry is real. Most of them are really supportive and are really proud of Louis. There are so many hash tags to support him and they are providing a safe space for him and Harry. They really shouldn't be afraid.....'

'Modest will never let them come out Val,' Shane interrupted her. 'You better than anyone should know that!' Val looked at her with a stunned and almost hurt expression.

'But the response from the fandom is a positive one,' Val argued. 'They accept them. Why should it be such an issue?' Shane smiled tenderly at her. She knew how much Val wanted to help Harry and Louis, that this was kinda personal to her but she felt that it was her job to keep her wife realistic. Not that she wasn't! Val was nothing if not realistic and Shane knew that she was arguing this point because she was viewing Louis and Harry's situation from a realistic point of view not the business point of view.

'Honey they won't let them come out. It just won't happen. You know as well as I do how this business works. Modest probably had personnel up all night like you, tweeting negative tweets pretending to be fans to divert them from this. Those fans arguing that Louis said something entirely different are probably Modest employees deflecting the damage. You know it only takes a little doubt to make something like this doubtful and make people wonder. And that's all they really need. To plant doubt in their fandom's head. They know how strong Larries are and they dissuade them by placing doubt. Some times a little doubt is stronger than any truth and its enough to kill it.' Val huffed.

'But if they see all this positivitey.....' Val paused and looked hopefully at Shane. Shane stroked her cheek lovingly.

'Don't get your hopes up sweetie. Or Louis' or Harry's for that matter. This is their job. They are bound by contracts. There are laws against any breach of contracts. If you three get your hopes up, you will be in for a huge disappointment.' Val sighed heavily.

'I know,' Val told her quietly, a hint of defeat in her voice. 'I don't know how their stupid ass management can ignore all this. What difference does it make if they are romantically involved? What difference will it make if they come out? Everyone knows! Or highly suspects. It's like they are in a closet made of glass. Everyone can see them locked in their closet but they can't come out. And its not like they will lose all their fans! If only they will gain more. Yes okay so there will be the homophobes or those who have high hopes of marrying one of them which is even more impossible then Louis and Harry just being gay for each other! But there are always the delusional ones. I mean heck I wanted to marry Mick Jagger before you barged into my life and demolished my heterosexuality but that's besides the point! The point here is that by coming out they can reach out to people who are afraid of taking this step. They are influential young men who can be role models to others Shane. Harry openly supports the LGBTQI+ community. He has gained their respect. That is an impressive thing and he should be respected for it. He's not afraid to support what he believes in but he has to stay hidden which is not fair for him. Or Louis. It's so fucking frustrating.' Shane ran her hand over Val's messy hair.

'I know sweetheart. Its not fair but their management is selling these guys as straight. They are ignorant and believe that the only way to sell a band to the public is by having them all straight which is plain stupid but unfortunately that's the way it is. You haven't even seen their contract to know what they signed up for.' Val felt all her excitement and high hopes for this to work disappear. Just then her phone rang. She swiped it and answered.

'Hey Harry good morning...yeah sure hun we are up....okay bye.' Val hung up and placed her phone face down next to her laptop. She looked at Shane. 'He asked if he could come over.' Shane smiled at her.

'I gathered as much. Here take Adam. I'll make tea and coffee.' As Shane handed Adam to Val, there was a soft knock on the door. Val got up carrying Adam on her hip and went to open the door. Harry stood there in black sweatpants, socks and black Pink Floyd tee shirt, his hair up in a messy bun. Val eyed him and smiled at him.

'Love the shirt. You however, look like shit,' she told him as she opened the door for him and Harry walked in. Adam reached out for Harry almost jumping out of Val's arms. Harry took him from her, wrapping the baby in his arms.

'Good morning little man. Did I wake you?' he cooed at the little boy as he walked into the living area and flopped down on the couch, seating Adam in his lap.

'He's been up for a while,' Val told him. 'He couldn't sleep.' Harry cuddled Adam into his chest, placing a kiss on top of his head.

'That makes two of us,' he said.

'It makes three of us,' Val told him. 'I've been up all night to see what Louis' video has caused.' Harry looked up from Adam and met Val's gaze.

'How bad is it?' he asked, his voice low. Val sat down next to him, one leg bent under her.

'Its not so bad actually. Your fans are the most supportive loyal people I have ever seen. They are extatic about it. The support they are showering on Louis and on "Larry" is amazing.'

'But?' Harry interrupted her. Val sighed.

'There are also those who find this...not to their taste,' Val told him trying to sugar coat it.

'So what are they saying?' Harry asked her. Val got up and went to get her laptop just as Shane walked in with a tray and three mugs on it.

'Good morning Harry,' Shane greeted him as she sat the tray on the coffee table. Val came back and sat next to Harry, placing the lap top on her lap and showed him most of the tweets in the trend, tweets that had been tweeting since the video of Louis saying he's gay in the hotel lobby was posted on Twitter less than twelve hours ago. Harry smiled a small smile.

'They are truly amazing. Their love and support for Louis is incredible. He's going to like that.' His voice held a tinge of sadness but also of pride.

'He's going to need it,' Val told him. 'Drunk or not, he said those words and there's evidence of what he said. Yes, your management might twist them and turn them around as they see fit to deflate the damage, planting doubts in to your fandom's heads but fact still remains that Louis said that and most of your fans will stick by that. Let's hope it all works out well and there will be no consequences.' Val sounded worried. She was remembering all that Louis had told her while they were back in the UK. She knew Louis would be a mess this morning when he will finally come to his senses and realize what he had said. Suddenly Val felt stressed. Shane reached over and took her hand.

'Are you alright love?' she asked her gently. Val offered her a weak smile trying the best she could to hide her worry. It's not like she could tell anyone what was worrying her. Only Louis could do that but she knew and she couldn't help but worry for him.

'Yeah I'm good. Just lack of sleep that's all. Don't worry hun,' she tried reassuring her but Shane knew her well enough to know that her wife was troubled. Still she did not press her. Not in front of Harry. Harry cleared his throat, breaking their intimate moment.

'Val can I talk to you about something?' he asked her. Shane knew it was her que to leave. She got up and took Adam from Harry.

'I'm just gonna wash him and get him changed yeah,' she told them with a smile and left the room. Val sipped her tepid tea.

'What is it Harry?' she asked him. Harry fidgeted nervously with his fingers.

'I uhm don't really know how to uhm say this but its about Xander. Last night we went out to dinner and he uhm well kinda asked me if I would consider going out on a date with him.' Harry stopped talking and looked down at his fingers. Val felt as if she had been punched in the stomach but what did she expect? Harry was beautiful and caring and fun and a loving soul with a heart of gold. He deserved to find love and be loved still she knew that Louis was still madly in love with him and she really didn't want him to accept Xander's invitation or even take it into consideration. Harry and Louis belonged together. Louis loved him! But she could not say anything about what Louis had told her. That was his job to tell Harry. Still, it was her job to counsel him and help him. She had to make sure that he was happy and mentally healthy.

'How did that make you feel Harry?' she asked him, taking another sip of her tea. Harry smiled nervously.

'I...I don't know. I...I mean I have been friends with Xander for a while now and I never thought that he had feelings like that for me.' Val put her empty mug on the table.

'Do you want to go out with him on a date with him?' Harry took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

'I don't know. I mean it would be weird. Even when he kissed me....'

'Wait. What? He kissed you?' Val asked him surprised and clearly caught off guard. Xander clearly wasted no fucking time in making his move on Harry. Harry blushed.

'Well yeah when he walked me back to my door after dinner he kinda uhm sort of kissed me.' Val sat at the edge of her seat and turned to face Harry. She felt anxious and a little sick. If Louis knew.....No! He could not know!

'Okay what kind of kiss was it? Was it just a peck on the cheek? Lips? An open mouthed kiss? Were tongues involved? Was it passionate? What kind of kiss was it Harry?' she asked him a little too frantically but trying to keep calm. Xander was moving in on Harry and right now Harry was vulnerable. He was on the rebound and he was bound to make mistakes. Harry blushed even further.

'It was just his lips on mine, moving slowly. No tongues. And it wasn't passionate no. Nothing for example like the kisses I shared with Louis. The first time Louis kissed me I actually saw fireworks behind my closed eyes and my toes curled in my trainers,' Harry said giggling and Val was happy that he was remembering this. He cleared his throat. 'There was uhm no spark with Xander. With Louis there were always a spark. Always.' He looked down and smiled, his cheeks burning a bright pink. Val sighed inwardly with relief.

'Harry do you want to go on a date with Xander?' Val asked him again. 'Have you moved on sufficiently from Louis that you feel ready to date?' Harry seemed pensive and his look was far away. Slowly he turned his gaze back on Val and his face was sad.

'I have to be ready sometime don't I?' he told her softly. 'Louis and I, well its over. It has been for a while now. I know what he wants and it isn't me Val. And I'm okay with it now. I mean all I want is for him to be happy even if its not with me. I might never be ready to date but I wouldn't know if I don't try. I never had to date before. Its always been Louis for me so I'm kinda new at this. I just figure that if I am going to start dating I should do it with a least a friend, someone I know and that I'm familiar with.' He smiled faintly at Val. Val was screaming on the inside. All this was wrong. What Harry was thinking was all wrong and if Louis didn't do something about it, he was going to lose Harry for good.

'Harry as your therapist I feel that I should say this to you. You are on the rebound right now. As much as you tell me that you are alright with whatever Louis wants as long as he's happy and no matter how many times you tell me that you are moving on, you are still on the rebound and what you are thinking of doing is rebound dating. You can't just go into another relationship to avoid the pain of this breakup and you are still in pain. I know it. I hear it in your voice and see it in your eyes and I need you to know it too. I need you to acknowledge your pain and not push it aside and cover it up by dating your friend. You are not ready for this because your heart still belongs to Louis. You are still in love with him so no matter how many dates you go on, you will never make a connection with anyone. You will compare them all to Louis because he is who your heart loves so until you are over him, I suggest you don't date but work on yourself to heal and once you heal, then you can start thinking about dating.' Val watched him intently, the way he looked down and bit on his lower lip and fidgeted with his long fingers.

'I have to try sometime Val. Maybe Xander is a good idea. He's a good friend. He treats me well. I need to try otherwise I'm going to be stuck grieving the loss of the greatest love of my life,' Harry told her softly, his voice no more than a whisper.

'So you're going to say yes to Xander then?' Val asked him. Harry shrugged.

'Well he's someone I know already and I'm comfortable with him and he knows me very well and I know him.....'

'Harry you don't have to settle for anything less than what you deserve. You are allowing yourself to be with someone just to forget Louis. It doesn't work that way that's why you are in therapy,' Val told him, hoping to get the idea of going on a date with Xander out of his mind. Harry continued to fidget with his fingers. He looked at Val from beneath his lowered lashes.

'To be honest I feel nervous at the thought of dating someone I don't know. Like I said, I've never had to do it. It's always been Louis and I'm closeted. It's not like I can go out and meet guys. Xander, well he's kind and he treats me well. And he's my friend. Its good to date your best friend isn't it? Its good to be best friends before you date someone. Also, he knows I'm closeted and can't be seen in public so he knows how it works and it's not like he's going to out me or anything. He will respect my privacy. I can't just trust anybody. They might talk to the press.' Val opened her mouth to tell Harry that all those factors where a very bad idea to simply say yes to Xander. Just because Xander was his friend and respected his privacy was no reason for Harry to date him. She opened her mouth to tell him so but a knock on the door cut her short. She huffed, got up and walked to the door. She opened it and found Paul.

'Hey Paul what's up?' she asked him wondering why Paul was at her door so early.

'We have a problem,' he told her nervously as he pushed past her and walked inside. She closed the door behind him and when she turned to face him, she noticed that he was agitated.

'What's the matter Paul?' she asked him even though she was afraid to ask the question as she was sure she wasn't going to like the answer by the look on Paul's face. Paul looked at her and ran a hand over his short hair.

'Zayn is gone!'

 

To be continued..............


	55. Chapter 55

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning and Happy Sunday. I bet you have been all waiting for today's update after the last cliffhanger so here we go. All the love, M.

'What do you mean Zayn's gone?' Val exclaimed in a panicked voice. She begun to feel dread and fear creeping up inside of her. She stood in front of Paul, her eyes wide and expectant. She did not know what she was expecting exactly from the man but in her heart she was expecting that he had a valid explanation for Zayn's disappearance . Paul looked at her looking flustered and worried and she knew that nothing good was coming. He huffed and ran both his hands over his tired face.

'I got a call from Liam this morning about half an hour ago telling me that he didn't know where Zayn was. They were supposed to meet for breakfast at 10 am. He waited half an hour as Zayn is always late what with his beauty regime and styling his hair and all but when he saw that he was later than usual even for Zayn, he called him and his phone kept going to voice mail. Then he went up to his suite and he knocked and knocked and he got no answer. So he called me. I tried calling him myself but I got voice mail too and he's not answering his door.'

Val looked at her watch, a million thought going thorough her mind. She began making calculations in her head and drawing up timelines about what time Zayn, Liam and Louis had gotten back to the hotel the night before.

'They came back at 11 pm last night and security took Liam and Zayn to Zayn's suite so I'm thinking Liam was with him. Did he sleep there?' Paul shook his head.

'No Liam was back at his suite by 1 am, having made plans with Zayn for breakfast this morning.' Val felt her worry tug at her insides but she refused to think about what Louis had told her Modest would do if he...if he...

'What's going on?' Harry asked interrupting her dark thoughts as he walked towards them. Paul looked at him standing there next to Shane, holding Adam in his arms.

'Oh hey Haz I didn't know you were here.' Harry looked from Paul to Val and back again, his eyes searching and Val could see the worry in his green eyes, the fear.

'Louis is alright,' Val told him right away because she knew where his mind had gone to. She saw him visibly exhale.

'What's going on?' he asked again. Val looked at him and once again denied with all her might what her gut was telling her. It couldn't be happening. They wouldn't do this. Louis had done nothing wrong. He had kept their secret. They wouldn't do this....would they?

'Zayn is missing,' she told him quietly. Harry walked towards her, his eyebrows drawn in confusion, the two frown lines between his eyebrows deep.

'Missing? What do you mean he's missing?' he asked. Paul huffed.

'It means we can't find him anywhere Haz. We called his phone several times and we're getting his voice mail and he won't answer the door.'

'Maybe he's passed out drunk,' Harry offered. Val shook her head.

'He wasn't that drunk Harry. Neither of them were really heavily drunk. They were tipsy yes but not that drunk that he would be so passed out as to not hear his phone ringing or the constant knocking on his door.' She looked at Paul. 'I'll get my master key and we'll go into his room and check. Harry you stay here with Shane and Adam. We won't be long okay.' Val walked to the table next to the door and picked up a key card, then opened the door and walked out, Paul following her closely. They walked down the corridor past Harry's suite and Louis' suite and stopped in front of Zayn's suite. Val knocked once, twice, three times and even called out his name several times. Still no answer. Fear and dread tugged inside of her and she felt like she was close to tears. She looked at Paul as if asking permission to open the door and he simply nodded at her. She slid the card in the slot and the red light turned green and they heard a click in the door allowing them entrance. Val pushed it gently and began walking inside, calling Zayn's name as she went. They came to the living room and it was empty. Val took in a deep breath to steady her nerves and walked into the bedroom. This was the part of her job that terrified her the most. These boys had to much on their shoulders and it terrified her to the core that maybe one of them would give up having been pushed further than he was able to handle.

The bed was unmade but thankfully empty. Val let out a breath of relief. They both stood in the doorway to Zayn's bedroom and looked around. The room was empty. Val opened the closet and it was empty. It held no clothes. Paul checked the bathroom and it was void of Zayn's personal belongings too. Val felt like she was about to pass out. This couldn't be happening. Not now. Not when Louis was finally getting better and dealing with things. He wouldn't handle this. He wasn't yet equipped to handle this. He wasn't mentally or emotionally ready to handle any of this. He just couldn't. Val jumped when she felt Paul's hand on her shoulder squeezing gently.

'I have to inform management that Zayn is nowhere to be found,' Paul told her quietly. Val turned to him feeling her panic rise and unable to suppress it.

'No! Don't call them yet,' she told him her voice firm. Paul furrowed his eyebrows clearly confused by Val's request.

'Why not? Zayn is missing Val and they need to be informed about this.' Val grabbed his hand and looked up into his face.

'Paul I can't tell you why just yet but you have to trust me on this. Please,' she told him her voice pleading. Paul looked doubtful.

'Val I trust you and all but with all due respect, Zayn has vanished. Nobody knows where he is. His stuff is all gone and he's not answering his phone. I need to tell them.' Val squeezed his hand tighter.

'Paul please. Give me an hour. Just an hour without telling them. I think I might know what's happened but I can't tell you. Go tell Harry, Liam and Niall to meet me in Louis' room as soon as possible. Tell my wife I will be with Louis okay. Please bring them to his suite. As soon as possible.' Paul stared at her clearly not getting what Val was telling him or what the meaning behind all this was.

'Val I'm not sure...'

'Please Paul just do it. We will know soon enough where Zayn has gone,' she told him as she turned and left the room leaving Paul looking after her confused and bewildered.

 

Val hurried towards Louis' suite. Her nerves were frayed and she felt sick to the stomach. Just when things were starting to look up, just when Louis was getting much better and things between him and Harry were finally working out, all this shit had to happen. Deep inside her she hoped it was just a mistake, a misunderstanding, that Zayn would turn up with that sly grin on his face and tell them that he had changed hotels because room service in this one sucked. Her mind threw all kinds of scenarios at her of possibilities explaining Zayn's disappearance but her mind only smacked her with one harsh reality. A reality she could not escape!

She opened the door to Louis' suite with her master key card and walked hurriedly inside the dim lounge where Mason was asleep on the couch. She woke him up non too gently, irritated at him that he had fallen asleep when she had strictly ordered him to look after Louis. Mason opened his eyes and scowled at her. Val put her hands on her hips.

'I thought I told you to look after him,' she snapped at him. Mason sat up and yawned. He looked up at her through red swollen eyes.

'I have looked after him all night. I only dozed off like half an hour ago. He's been sleeping like the dead all night.' Val huffed at him.

'You can go now. I'll take it from here. The boys won't be needing you guys today as they won't be leaving the hotel so you can go sleep.' Mason got up off the couch and looked at her annoyed but she couldn't give a shit about Mason and his feelings right now. Val walked into the bedroom and saw Louis sprawled out on the bed, face down, his face buried in the pillow still with last night's clothes on. Even his shoes. Val felt a fresh new wave of annoyance towards Mason. These guys were being pain highly to look after these boys and he couldn't even take off his bloody shoes! The nerve!

Val walked over to the bed and looked at Louis who was sound asleep, snoring lightly, his messy fringe all over his forehead. He looked so peaceful and carefree. No troubles marked his beautiful features. His eyes weren't open to reveal the deep sadness inside them while he plastered a fake smile on his face for all the world to see. She didn't want to wake him. She didn't want to wake him and bring him into more worry, more trouble but she knew she had to. Unless Zayn had been kidnapped or switched hotels, Louis had the explanation to all of this. Against her wish, he shook him slightly.

'Louis,' she called softly, 'Louis you need to wake up.' Louis stirred a little, moaning and grumbling into the pillow but did not open his eyes. Val sighed and shook him a little harder. 'Louis, time to get up now. C'mon you've been asleep for too long.' She saw his eyelashes flutter and a low protest escape his lips.

'Go away,' he mumbled. Val rolled her eyes.

'Louis you need to get up now. There's an important matter I need to talk to you about.' Louis groaned and turned his face away from her, covering his head with his pillow.

'It's too early for this shit,' he said, his voice muffled by the pillow. That was true. It was too early for the shit storm that was coming. Val snatched the pillow off his head.

'You are going to get up now and don't make me tell you again Louis. The others are on their way here as we speak.' She tossed the pillow on the floor and opened his curtains, sunlight flooding the room in bright yellow light. Louis raised his head, squinting in the harsh light, his eyes barely open.

'Who died and made you fucking queen?' he asked her, blinking in the bright light. Val smiled at him.

'I am a self proclaimed queen now get your ass up and go have a shower to wake up properly. You need to be focused for what's coming.' Louis sat up in bed and groaned, holding his head. He rubbed his sleepy eyes and he looked at Val.

'What's coming? A zombie apocalypse?' he asked her. Val looked at him with soft eyes.

'I would rather it were a zombie apocalypse we were hurtling head long into,' she told him quietly. Louis looked at her hard with bloodshot eyes, noticing for the first time that she looked worried and was a little paler than usual. He got up off the bed and walked towards her.

'Val what is it?' he asked her in his groggy morning voice but the worry in his tone was evident. Val looked into his blue sleepy eyes.

'Louis, Zayn is gone,' she told him quietly.

 

Half an hour later, everyone was sitting in Louis' suite. Val had ordered breakfast for all of them but they were just picking at the food not really eating. The tension in the room could be cut with a knife. It was thick and heavy. Everyone was in awe as to Zayn's disappearance. Val looked at Louis who was drinking his tea and looking worried. Paul looked from one to the other, waiting for some kind of explanation as to where Zayn was or what had happened to him and why he hadn't been allowed to contact management. He wanted to call Drew as soon as possible but Val had begged him for time, now time was ticking away and Zayn was still AWOL. Finally Val could take the silence no longer or the anxiety of the situation. She had expected Louis to talk, to offer his version of things to Harry, Liam and Niall but he sat there looking into his tea, a million miles away. Val had to act.

'Louis, I think you should tell them,' she told him softly. Louis snapped his head up and looked at her, his eyes wide and panicked. She felt the others look at her, then look to Louis then back at her. Louis shook his head.

'Val don't,' he said, his voice hard but pleading. Val kept her eyes on him.

'Louis we can't drag this out any further. Either you tell them or I will. It has gone on for long enough and here are the consequences. It's not just you in this. All of you are in this together. Everyone is implicated. You have to be brave and speak up.' Louis looked down at his tea again. Liam moved to the edge of his seat, a little closer to Louis.

'Please Louis if you know anything about where Zayn is just tell us,' Liam begged him but Louis did not look up from his tea. He was having an internal battle about what to do. He knew he needed to tell them because he knew perfectly well what had happened to Zayn. Yet again he was afraid and scared. The consequences had already started and he knew that it was all his fault. He had said that he was gay to fans when he shouldn't have. The security had told him that there would be consequences and here they were. He should've known better but he didn't! He had never learned how to bite his tongue!

'Louis what's going on?' Harry asked him when he saw the troubled look on his face. He kept his eyes on Louis. He could see that he was torn apart, that something was killing him inside. He wanted to go and sit beside him and offer him comfort and reassurance but he didn't know if that was what Louis wanted right now. Liam, Niall and Paul waited, their eyes also on Louis. Louis lifted his head and he met Harry's green worried eyes. He wanted to cross the room and ask Harry to hold him because God knew how much he needed Harry to anchor him right now but Harry had moved on. Harry was not his anymore and he couldn't ask that of him. Louis was silently pleading him to understand, to hopefully not judge him too harshly for what he was about to say. He looked at Niall and Liam and Paul, all with the same expectant and anxious look on their faces. He swallowed hard and took in a deep breath. He placed his teacup on the table and looked at Val. Val nodded at him in silent encouragement letting him know that he was strong and brave enough to do this and that the people in this room would understand why he did what he had to do because they loved him, because they were family.

'You got this Louis,' she told him softly. Louis took in a deep breath and exhaled softly, then looked at them.

'Zayn was fired because of me,' he told them softly, his voice no more than a whisper. He looked away from Harry and for a moment there was silence in the room. Val knew they were trying to make sense of what Louis said, then all together they asked:

'What?' Louis couldn't bare to look at them so he kept his gaze cast down.

'Yesterday when we were out and I told the fans I'm gay its pretty unfortunate, they fired him because of me. Because of what I said.' Again silence engulfed the room. Val wanted to help him out but she had to let him tell them in his own way, in his own time. Liam shifted in his seat.

'Lou you are not making any sense. Zayn hasn't been fired. That's absurd. How can they fire him?' Louis raised his head slowly and met Harry's troubled gaze. He saw the confusion in there and he knew he was going to hurt him again. He licked his lips and kept his eyes on Harry, Harry's green eyes staring back at him, wide and expectant.

'They made me leave you,' he told him softly. 'They made me end it with you and threatened me that if I keep up anything with you they would fire Zayn. That day after we flew in from L.A and we had the meeting, that's why they kept me behind. They told me that I had to end everything with you, kill Larry, make the fans believe that nothing was ever real or Zayn would be gone. Then Simon was on the phone and he told me that if I didn't do what they asked, he would trash me in public and ruin me.' Louis stopped and he felt his eyes burn with unshed tears when he saw Harry's face go pale and his eyes grow wider, his lips part slightly but no words came out, his sharp in take of breath. He wanted to destroy himself for doing this to Harry again. For hurting them all this time. For Zayn being kicked out of the band.

'I knew it!' Niall said yelled,breaking the silence in the room and making everyone jump. 'Those fuckers! I just fucking knew something was up. I fucking knew you wouldn't leave Harry of your own free will. Fucking bastards!!' Liam looked at Louis, nobody really reacting to Niall's outburst.

'Why?' Liam asked in a whisper.' Why Zayn?' Louis shrugged.

'They said he's been a liability for a while with his drinking and weed and womanizing shit. And they said he had been mentioning about going solo.'

'That's bullshit!' Liam yelled as he got up off the couch. 'Zayn never said anything about wanting to leave. And what do they even mean with liability? Zayn gave as much to this band as all of us!' They could sense Liam's anger. He was close to Zayn and Louis could understand what he was feeling right now.

'I know Li,' Louis said. 'We all know that Zayn gave to the band as much as we all did. And its my fault that he's gone and I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to say that.....'

'You didn't mean to say that?' Liam yelled. 'You just went right on ahead telling those fans that you're gay when you knew the consequences of your actions not giving a shit.....' Louis stood up and faced Liam, anger taking place inside him.

'Of course I give a shit Li! Don't you fucking dare say I don't give a shit! I fucking left Harry to keep this band together for everyone's sake. I sacrificed him and myself and our relationship to keep it all together and keep Zayn in the band but I can't anymore. I just can't. It's too hard to stand idle and watch this....watch Harry hurt.' Louis paused and looked at Harry but Harry wasn't looking at him. Harry was looking down, chewing on his bottom lip.

'Is that why you tried to....' Niall asked not really finishing the sentence. Nobody liked to talk about his suicide attempt. Louis ran a hand through his messy hair and sat down heavily on the couch, his anger dissipating as quickly as it had come.

'Yes,' he said quietly. 'I couldn't handle it anymore. The betrayal, the secrets, giving up who I loved the most because I would lose my best friend. I'm sorry I failed. I'm sorry I failed you all. I'm sorry I couldn't carry on hiding all of this because it was killing me.' He looked at Harry but Harry still wasn't looking at him. Val sat down beside him and rubbed his back.

'You were very brave Louis. They gave you no choice. You did what you had to.' Val didn't want any of the boys blaming him.

'What?' Liam asked angrily. 'You are okay with all of this? Zayn has been fired because of what he said yesterday. Because he didn't do as he was told.' Val looked at him hard.

'Liam you need to take a step back and chill,' Val told him calmly. 'Louis has given up a lot for all of you. What he's been through all by himself had early destroyed him. He shouldered it all by himself now you have to all stick together. You know there will be another meeting with them and you need to be united. They can't know that Louis told you what they made him do. They will twist his words around to make him look guilty and put the blame on him. They will never admit to what they did to him. I have dealt with them before. They are nothing but manipulators. Liam, Louis is not the bad guy here. He's been hurting all along for all this time and he hurt others along with him. He took the blame for everything upon himself now he needs you guys now more than ever.'

Liam sat down again next to Niall and rubbed his face. 'I just can't believe they would fire Zayn over this...over you guys being together. What are we going to do now?' Niall put a hand on Liam's shoulder.

'Like Val said I'm pretty sure we'll have a meeting soon and we'll get to know everything. Let's hope its not the end of One Direction.' Once again silence fell in the room. Val looked across to Harry who had not said one word or moved since Louis revealed everything. Louis was looking at him with pleading eyes, eyes begging him to say something, eyes that were holding back tears. But Harry could not see because Harry was not looking at Louis. Val rose from the couch.

'Guys, I think we should give Louis and Harry a little privacy. I'm sure they have a lot to talk about.' Louis looked up at her and mouthed thank you. Val nodded and smiled at him. Niall and Liam got up, Niall doing his best to comfort Liam. They walked towards the door followed by Paul and Val. Before exiting, Val gave them one last look and hoped that they could fix what was left of their relationship, if there was anything left at all.

 

to be continued.....................


	56. Chapter 56

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today I am making an exception. I was bombarded with DM's asking for the next chapter and how it was not fair to wait till the weekend. So I am posting this chapter. However, this comes in 2 parts : Louis' POV about the matter and the next Harry's POV about the matter. I don't know if I will manage to post both. Probably not. I'm in the middle of cooking dinner lol so I'll do what I can but I am only making an exception today and posting outside the weekend. I am supposed to be continuing my ADSOL Epilogue but you've all been so lovely to me and I don't want to keep you waiting. Hope you like it. All the love, M

Louis' POV.

 

As soon as the door closed behind Val, I immediately feel an uncomfortable silence settle between us. This has never happened before to us. Harry and I were always comfortable in our silences but this, this is torture. I know I owe him explanations and I know he is waiting for them but honestly, I don't know where or how to begin. I keep messing up his life every time. Just when he was starting to get better, I go and fuck up his life again.

I dare to raise my eyes off the carpet beneath my socked feet and look at him. Big mistake! He looks so small sitting on the couch opposite me. He looks so hurt and so lost. It hurts me more that I thought possible to see him in this state, this state that I have put him in. I have broken Harry Styles! If the world could see him now, in his painful vulnerability, they wouldn't recognize the same Harry Styles that they always see, the one who smiles and tells silly jokes, the beautiful man that has captured the hearts of many with his smile, kindness and soul and I have ruined him. My eyes rest on him and my heart breaks inside my hollow chest. He hasn't moved an inch or raised his eyes since I told them all that has happened. How I would like to know what he is thinking! Maybe that would help me know how and what to tell him to help him make sense of this mess I yet once again brought into his life. How doesn't he hate me? How doesn't he loathe me?

'Harry,' I whisper, trying to get his attention but he remains stock still looking down at the carpet. I doubt he has even heard me as I seem to have lost my voice. I decide to be bold and slowly get up off the couch and cross the tiny space between us and sit down next to him. He doesn't look at me and I feel like I want to cry. Being in such close proximity to him like this, so much that I can smell the faintest of strawberry shampoo coming from his hair is making me feel weak and all of a sudden I feel tired. All the struggles and fights of the past weeks are all tumbling down on me and I find myself wishing he could just hold me so I can let go. I know I am selfish and what I did to him in unforgivable but I told him that I had no choice, that I still love him and I need him to acknowledge that and to hold me because I can't hold myself any longer. I just need to feel him hold me so I can let all of this go in the safety of his arms but I can't break down yet. I need to take care of him first. I need to be strong for him because he needs me to be strong. He's the one who gets to let go and I'm the one to get to pick up his pieces when they shatter at my feet.

'Harry,' I say again and this time he seems to hear me because he slowly lifts his face and turns to look at me. I can't fathom the expression on his face whether its hurt, disappointment, sadness or regret. I'm betting its a mixture of all. I see his eyes, so green in the mid-afternoon sunlight that is filling this room and the pain in those dim eyes kills me. What have I done to you love of my life? There are so many things I want to say to him, so many things I want to ask him and probably he has a lot of questions for me too but there is one burning question that's filling my mind. One sole question that his answer would either heal me or break me totally. I want to ask him if despite all this, if he is still mine. Do I have the right to ask him that? I know better than to ask him that just yet so I won't.

'Harry I'm so sorry,' I tell him. This silence is suffocating me. I need to talk, to tell him everything and I need to hear him talk to me. I just need to hear his voice and feel the comfort it gives me because I need it. He looks at me with so much tenderness in his eyes, that same fondness that he always reserved solely just for me that my heart beats rapidly in my chest and the butterflies in my stomach erupt in a nervous yet sweet frenzy. Does he still love me? Does he still care for me as more than a friend?

'So they made you leave me?' he asks me softly and all I want to do is wrap him in my arms, hold him tightly to my chest and take all the pain away, all that I have put him through these couple of months and just make it all better for him. I want to heal him.

'Yes,' I say softly. I want to answer his questions not offer apologies that he might not understand. He seems to be thinking because I see his brows knit in a formidable frown, creating that beautiful crease between his eyebrows that I so want to smooth out. Harry was not made to be hurt. He was not made for pain or for tears. And I gave them all to him.

'And all that happened, all that you told me?' he asks me quietly and I hear the uncertainty in his voice. It's justified. All that shit I told him. All the lies. I offer him a smile hoping to reassure him some.

'None of it was true Harry. Not one single thing.' My eyes do not leave his face. I study his reactions, the emotions flitting across his beautiful face, his sad eyes glistening with tears that are threatening to fall.

'Then why?' he asks me in no more that a whisper. The plea in his voice tugs at my heart and the want to hug him to me is greater than ever. I scoot a little closer to him, fearing he might move away from me but he doesn't move and for that I am thankful.

'I had to make you hate me. I couldn't just leave you Harry. I didn't want to leave you in the first place and I thought that if I made you hate me, it would be easier for you to move on. But you believed me so easily. You believed everything I threw at you. I was so shocked that you actually believed all of it. Did you honestly think me that heartless? Did you honestly think for one moment that I was disgusted by you, by our relationship?' I didn't want to make him feel any guilt for what I did but this fact has been on my mind since all this shit started. How easily he had believed every lie I told him. I thought he knew me well enough to not believe half the things I said said to him. He blinks at me rapidly as if he was trying to clear his mind.

'B-but,' he stammers and I know he's nervous and confused and he has every right to be so. 'But what your friends told me and Eleanor.....she...the things she told me.'

'I lied to them Harry,' I say feeling ashamed. 'I told them lies about you so it would be more credible. I was acting it all out and I needed their help to make it all the more real. I didn't have to work too hard on Eleanor. She kinda doesn't like you very much because she loves me. Still, I just had to make it as easy for you as possible.....'

'Easy?' he interrupts me and his voice is a little bit higher, a little bit deeper. 'Which part of all of this has been easy Lou?' My heart flutters when I hear the way he calls me coming out of his mouth. 'None of it has been easy and you know I can never hate you. You can torture me all you like and I'd still wouldn't hate you but you could've just told me what was going on instead of putting me through all of that. It was agony. I never in my life felt as if my heart was breaking but it did and it hurt. I would've understood if you just told me what was going on instead of.....'

'Harry I couldn't,' I tell him firmly and I watch him flinch at the harshness of my tone. I sigh and make my voice softer for his sake. 'They made it clear to me that I couldn't say anything to anyone and you guys still have to keep it a secret. They can't know that you guys know. Simon will...' I stop and sigh heavily. He remains silent and I know he wants me to continue so I do. 'Simon will ruin me Harry. He made sure to make it clear to me that he will thrash me. He has tabloids in his favor. They will write stuff about me, stuff that isn't true and people unfortunately will believe the media. Lies are more effective than truths sometimes. It only takes a rumor Harry and that's enough to kill a person's character.' Harry looks down away from me and I cringe inwardly at the loss of his beautiful eyes on me.

'I don't understand,' he whispers. Of course he doesn't and its up to me to make him understand this.

'Harry look at me,' I tell him and he does but his eyes are sad and the tears are gathering in his beautiful eyes and it hurts too much. I attempt another bold move of which I am unsure of and take his hand in mine. He doesn't pull it away and I am so grateful that for a moment I feel as if I might pass out. 'Harry, they presented me with no choice. I had to do what I did to protect you all. I know you cannot understand why I made the decision I made and God knows I regret it, but I figured that our love is strong enough to withstand even this. I know our contracts Modest will be over soon and I know we would've found our way back to each other eventually because I thought out love was so strong but it backfired. You believed everything I told you but I had no choice but to protect you all. I had to protect all that we worked for. I know it doesn't make any sense to you but I have never stopped loving you Harry. Not one bit. I know I broke you in a horrible way but I want you to know that I broke myself along with you. Watching you hurt like that killed me every time and knowing I was the cause for your pain when I promised you that I would never hurt you and to protect you yet I was the one who hurt you the worst. I know your family hate me for hurting you and they should because you are so precious to them. They should hate me. I have disappointed everyone and I deserve all the hate from them.' I pause to give him time to take in my words. I will not hold anything back from him. Now is the time for the truth and to fix this mess. His eyes shine and I know he's going to cry. I squeeze his hand gently and continued : 

'You know when we had the party at that bar in Melbourne and Calvin suggested karaoke? I chose Chasing Cars on purpose hoping to let you know through that song that I still loved you, that what we had was still there and will always be there no matter what. But you believed everything. Everything! How could you believe that I was disgusted by you? Harry you are the most beautiful human being I have ever met. You are more close to an angel than to a human being. You are extraordinary. Yes, that day I took some stuff because I was so sad and it worked wrong on me because I couldn't stand to see you suffering. I had to tell you things so that you would give up on me. I wanted you to hate me so you could go on and move on because they were never going to let us be together and I thought you would be better off with someone else than a piece of shit like me. I deserved to be hated by you. I needed to feel pain, the same pain I was delivering to you. I could've dealt with your hate of me but not with your pain.' I watch as a tear rolls down his cheek. I reach out my trembling hand, uncertain and with my thumb I wipe away his tear and he surprises me by closing his eyes and leaning his face into my touch. I open my palm and cup his face and I feel my own eyes welling up, my heart threatening to beat right out of my chest and smash to the floor.

'I never stopped loving you Harry and now that I know what life is like without you, I don't want to live it that way. Yes that is why I tried to kill myself because it is better to be dead than not have you in my life, better than knowing I destroyed you and what we had. I am so sorry you had to find me and that my actions traumatized you. It was never my intention I swear. I just wanted out of this miserable life, a life away from you, from them, from everyone I hurt and let down.' More tears flow out of his eyes on to his cheeks and mine follow suit. I cup his face with both my hands and rest my forehead against his.

'Life is not worth living without you Haz. I don't want to live without you. I know this will complicate things. I know there will be consequences for me to pay but I will pay them Haz. To be with you. I don't care anymore what they will do to me. I will take the threats and I will face the consequences, I will take whatever Simon decides to do to me but I will fight for you Haz. I will fight for you and I. I don't care if everyone knows I'm gay because that's what I am. I'm past being confused about my sexuality. I'm gay and I love you. You're all that matters to me and I want to make it all up to you just please please say you will be mine again. Say you will forgive me Harry please. You are the only one. My beginning and my end. My other half that completes me. My soul mate. Please Harry take me back if you can find it in your pure heart to forgive me. I'll be good I swear. I won't fight them. I will bite my tongue. I will do whatever they make me do but please Harry take me back. I'm nothing without you.' Yes I am selfish. Yes I want his forgiveness. Yes I want him to take me back. I want us to put all this behind us and be together again. Yes I am that selfish and I don't care because he is the love of my life and I will be damned if I am going to let them keep me away from him. I feel more tears run down my face and I hear him sob. I look at him, at my world and I just let my instincts take control of me. I gently wrap my arms around him and pull him into my chest where he collapses into my arms and cries. And he lets me hold him. My baby lets me hold him. After all I put him through, he lets me hold him! I feel his body shake against mine wrecked with sobs.

I hold him tightly to me and let him cry in my arms as I silently cry along with him. I bury my face in his long beautiful hair that I missed so much. My senses are suddenly aware of every inch of him pressed against me and it is then that I realize how much I truly missed this person of mine. How much my arms were empty without him in them. His sobbing subsides a little and I feel him move out of my embrace. He looks at me with red puffy eyes and wet eyelashes, his cheeks red and streaked with tears and he looks absolutely gorgeous. He sniffs and wipes his eyes.

'What about Eleanor?' he asks me. And it's only Harry that at a time like this gets to worry about someone else's feelings other than his own. I give him a faint smile.

'Harry there was never anything between us, at least not from my side. Yes she stayed in my suite, another reason I thought up to just make you give up on me but I never slept in the same bed with her. I will let her down as gently as I can.' He nods at me but remains silent. He hasn't given me an answer to my questions whether he can be mine or not or if he can forgive me but maybe I'm being presumptuous in expecting an answer so soon after I dropped all this on him. He remains silent and I don't know what else to tell him unless he asks me anything. I feel I have told him everything. I have opened myself up to him, showed him how I really feel so I guess all I have to do is now wait for him to talk to me.

He startles me by suddenly getting up off the couch. My eyes follow him and I feel my heart begging him not to go but my lips cannot utter the words. I left him and I just begged him back but now its up to him to decide. I can't force him or rush him. I've put him through hell and he needs time. He looks down at me and finds my eyes already on him.

'I have to go,' he tells me quietly offering no further explanation. His voice is hoarse from the crying and I would give anything in the world to make it better for him. I watch him as he pads towards the door in his black fluffy socks, opens it and lets it fall silently behind him taking him away from me.

 

TO BE CONTINUED.................NEXT HARRY'S POV.


	57. Chapter 57

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And well I'm a softie and decided to give you Harry's POV too since we're on it now aren't we? Here you go then. Hope you like it. All the love, M.

Harry's POV

I hold out my hand and place it against the wall to brace myself. I feel dizzy and my breath is short and ragged. I feel like I'm suffocating inside of myself. I believe I am having a panic attack. I try to take deep lung fulls of breath and steady my fast racing heart. I close my eyes tightly shut as all these emotions wreck through my body. I see white spots behind my closed eyes lids and I feel like I am about to faint. I can't catch my breath and for a moment I remember those times when I was little and had my asthma attacks. I cannot panic. I need to calm down.

I inhale deeply through my nose, hold for a few seconds and exhale. I repeat this breathing exercise a few times and thankfully my heart starts to slow down a little and I can breathe. My brain clears and starts to function again telling me that this panic attack was a result to all that Louis had told me in there just now. I still can't believe or understand what he said. All I know is that he still loves me. That he still wants me. That he wants me to forgive him for all that he did and take him back. Haven't I wished for him to tell me all of this since the day he ended it with me? Now that I heard the words I have been wanting to hear why don't I feel happy? Once again its a raging battle between my heart and my mind. My heart is ready to take him back in a heartbeat but my mind is telling me different things. Things I know I have to face and things I know I have to tell him but I know I can't.

As soon as my body feels remotely back in my control, I pad towards Val's suite and knock softly. It takes only a moment before the door is opened and she peeks out at me, a worried look on her face. She must have been expecting me. She says nothing, just opens the door to allow me access inside her room. Her suite is empty so its just me and her. I turn to face her and I look at her, waiting for her to say something but she remains standing there like a porcelain doll, her pale face and large gray eyes staring at me from behind her glasses, her dark hair messier than usual.

'You knew,' I simply tell her. It's not a question but a statement. She nods once and walks towards the couch and sits down heavily. I follow her and sit opposite her. Usually she has a lot to say, in fact I never met a woman who can talk as much as she can but today she remains silent. I clasp my fingers together nervously.

'You knew and you didn't tell me,' I tell her, a hint of accusation in my voice. I feel betrayed by her though I don't know why but its the way I feel and I can't justify it. I have confided everything in her so maybe I had expected her to say something to me about all of this before Louis had no choice but to tell me. Before he had been forced to tell me because if they hadn't fired Zayn, he wouldn't have spoken out and let me continue suffering. I'm angry. I feel cheated and betrayed and I know I don;t have the right to feel any of these emotions but I do and I'm angry at her.

'I couldn't tell you Harry. It wasn't my place to tell you,'she tells me softly and my brain fails to understand why she couldn't. Why not? She let me to hurt. She let me suffer.

'Why not?' I snap at her. She sighs heavily.

'Louis begged me not to tell anyone. It wasn't my secret to tell. Besides what's said to me is confidential.' Okay fair enough, I try to reason with my brain who is throwing accusations in my mouth ready to throw them to her but I know better than to take out my anger on her. I am not that type of person, so I try to focus my thoughts on asking proper questions.

'How long have you known?' I ask. I need to know the details of everything. I need to know as much as possible as to why Louis did what he did.

'Since you had your ten daybreak and I was in London with Louis. He...he saw the pictures of you and Kendall on that yacht and they hit him hard. Really hard Harry. His friends said some things and he was upset only he did like he always does and just stuffed it all back down. When he came back home he was drunk and he spilled it all. He fell asleep crying thinking he lost you for good.' I watch her intently as she offers me answers to my questions to the best of her ability.

'Kendall is just my friend,' I feel the need to tell her though why I don't know. Everyone in our close circle knows I'm gay. Louis most of all. Why would he even think I would ever choose her over him? I watch as Val gets up and walks over towards me, and sits beside me.

'Harry, its been tough on him. What they have put him through....'

'What they have put him through?' I rudely interrupt her, my voice loud. I'm not usually rude but I feel...angry. Not an emotion I am very familiar with. It takes a lot to anger me but today I am angry and I feel its justified. I feel I have a right to be angry. Its the sole emotion I can feel running inside of me, ruling me, controlling me. And she's my therapist so I'm allowed to vent. 'What about what I have been through Val?'

'I know what you have been through Harry. Don't think I am in any way or form diminishing your pain. You pain is just as valid as Louis' but what Louis has been put through, he had no choice in the matter.' I shake my head at her. 

'He had a choice Val,' I whisper softly. I don't want to sound selfish or like a whiney child but I am hurt by Louis' choices. I look at Val who is waiting for me to continue. 'He chose Zayn over me. He chose the band over me.' Val is already shaking her head at me contradicting what I am saying but she doesn't understand what it is like to be the one thrown out like yesterday's trash, to be over looked, to know that the person who is your whole world chose someone else over you, that he chose the band over you.

'Harry he didn't! Listen to me....' I close my eyes and take a deep breath trying hard to calm my anger, disappointment, pain and tears. When I open them I feel a little calmer. I hate feeling angry. It exhausts me. And I've cried too much.

'He did. If they had put that choice to me, I would have chosen him without hesitation. I love Liam and Niall and Zayn and One Direction and our fans but nothing and nobody comes before him. I would give up everything, all of this if he only asked me to. All of this would mean nothing to me without him. He protected Zayn and our fame and fortune but he left me unprotected and broke me in a way that I haven't even begun to heal from.' I feel Val's tiny hand on my forearm, resting on my mermaid tattoo. I'm shaking. I feel like I'm in shock. How could he? Why didn't he choose me? 

'Harry please it's not like that. Don't think of Louis that way. He is trying to fix everything, all that he has broken. Trust me, he is just as broken as you are. Maybe he couldn't let you see that but please trust me when I tell you that he is shattered into a million piece. He thought that once your contract with them was over, he would be able to pick up all the pieces and put you all back together again. Louis doesn't have a bad bone in his body and you know that better than I do. Those assholes put so much pressure on him that he wanted to kill himself rather than live this life without you. The regrets he has about all of this weigh him down Harry. I have sat through hours of hearing him talk, opening up to his darkest feelings and all that I gathered from it all was the immense love he has for you. You are what keeps him going and he regrets his suicide attempt mostly because it fucked you up in a bad way. Harry, I know you are hurt and I know you feel like he threw you away in order to protect Zayn and your band but he really had no choice.' She pauses and squeezes my arm then continues.

'Its not the first time that I had to deal with Modest. Or Simon. They are ruthless. I am pretty sure they will make Louis pay for this. Its what they do. I can't tell you further about my other case with them but yes they do manipulate people in horrific ways. All they care about is the business. They present you with a pretty contract and promises of world domination but between the lines, unseen and hidden are their true dark intentions and you guys have been victims to it too. You need to not let them break you. You can't let them win. Stick together. Be united. And you will succeed.' I listen to her words carefully but somehow they don't seem to penetrate through my mind or my heart. All I am feeling now is that I have been betrayed by her and by Louis. I feel numb inside, as if my feelings have all vanished. I feel lonely in a way that I have never felt before. I feel empty and left out. Suddenly now it all feels like its them on one side and me alone on my side with a great divide in between. The spaces between us keep getting deeper!

'Harry,' I hear her call me softly and I look at her and she looks really down and worried but I can't help myself. For once I am putting me first in this situation. It seems like I am all I have right now. 'Have you told Louis how you feel about this? Have you told him all you have told me?'

'No,' I tell her. I feel distant from her but I don't want to because I like her. It hurts that I feel like I've lost her too. She's a good person and has helped me, helped us a lot but I can't help it. At this point, I feel distant from everyone.

'You should tell him,' she tells me but I shake my head.

'I can't tell him that Val. I don't want to hurt him. All this him hurting me and me hurting him has got to stop and I will put a stop to it today.' I see her furrow her brows and cock her head to the side assessing me.

'What do you mean?' she asks me.

'Its time to put all this behind us. Its time to move on from all of this. We have a two month break coming up soon and I will stay in L.A for the duration of our break. I need to be away from Louis and away from the others. I need to concentrate on myself. I need to be with my friends and away from all of this. It's become toxic. I don't even know if we will be coming back after this break. With Zayn gone I don't know what plans they have for us. I don't even know if we are still going to be One Direction or not without Zayn but all I know is that I need time for myself. Away from them.' She nods.

'So you are not getting back together with Louis?' she asks me. I press my lips together. How can she ask me that? Can't she see how much pain I'm in? How I'm struggling?

'I need time to think. I need time to be alone,' I tell her. She nods again.

'That's understandable. Can I ask you something?' she asks me and I nod at her to go on. 'Are you going out on a date with Xander? If Xander somehow impeding you....'

'Xander has nothing to do with this or my decisions. He is my best friend. The only person I can count on at the moment. So yes I will be spending time with him in L.A.' I see a sadness cloud her features but she says nothing. A pinging from her phone and another ping from her laptop distract us both.

'Excuse me,' she says as she reaches for her laptop that's been sitting idle and dark on her coffee table. She pulls it on to her lap, touches a button and it comes to life. 'It's my Twitter notifications. I have notifs for all that gets tweeted about you guys so I can keep up.' I nod and watch her as she goes on Twitter. Then watch her face fall. 'Shit,' she whispers.

'What is it?' I can't help but ask. She turns the lap top towards me and shows me a picture of a drunk Zayn cuddling up to a fan, his hand resting on her bare tummy and news from The Sun saying how Zayn cheated on Perrie last night while out clubbing with band mates and how he got so stressed that he had to be flown back home to Perrie to try and save their relationship. There was also another photo of Zayn arriving at Heathrow airport looking haggard and tired and more news from Dan Wootan saying how Zayn needs a week off from touring to recover from stress.

'This is absolute bullshit,' Val yelled and she made me jump a little. For such a tiny person she sure has a loud voice. 'They turned all this around. Motherfuckers!' Of course they would turn it around, I wanted to tell her. Its not like they were going to tell what really happened! If they did, they would expose Louis and I and furthermore expose themselves. 'The fans are going crazy,' Val tells me and shows me hash tags that all have something to do with us. I read a few tweets and I can already feel their worry about Zayn and concern for his health and their worry about us and the future of the band. Some of them are already wondering if he is coming back at all. If One Direction will still be One Direction without Zayn. Suddenly I am filled with dread for these girls. When news comes out that Zayn is no longer part of the band they are going to be crushed. They love Zayn and his departure will only hurt them. At that moment I make a decision. When they will call us into the meeting to discuss our future as a band, there is no way I am going to let them dis-band us. I will not let them kill One Direction. We are in the middle of a tour. We owe it to our fans to see this through. They paid to see us perform, they supported us since day one and no matter what management says, we will hold One Direction together for them even if it's for the last time . No matter what they say, no matter the outcome of all of this, OTRA will not end now!

 

TO BE CONTINUED.......


	58. Chapter 58

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone. I'm back. I am so happy today because I got tickets to see Louis in Manchester. Any of you going? If so, where? So I know today is Friday and not update day but I am updating today just in case my weekend gets a tad too busy and I have to miss an update so better be safe than sorry. Worst case scenario, you will get 3 updates! Thank you so so much for reading my fic and for your lovely comments. You guys are bloody amazing. Okay I'll let you go so you can read the next chapter. All the love, M.

Louis tapped on Eleanor's door softly. Ever since she moved out of their suite, she had been located two floors down in a smaller room. He felt nervous being here even though he had practiced exactly what he wanted to say to her for the past hour yet he was sweating. He was scared if he were to be honest at least with himself. He heard the lock turn on the inside and the door opened slightly. Eleanor peeked out at him then opened the door to allow him entry. He walked inside the one roomed hotel room which consisted of a large bedroom with an ensuite and a balcony. He looked around and noticed that on the bed there was a suitcase, open and half packed. He turned around to face Eleanor but he saw her coming out of the bathroom carrying her toiletries. She silently walked over to the open suitcase and put them in.

'What are you doing?' Louis asked her. Eleanor continued packing not looking at him.

'I'm leaving,' she told him curtly.

'Leaving?' Louis asked her feeling completely thrown off because he had come here to break up with her and ask her to be his beard again but she's leaving? He wasn't ready for this. This wasn't part of the plan. She couldn't just leave could she?

'Yes Louis I'm leaving,' she told him as she continued to fold her clothes and put them neatly in the suitcase. Louis' mind scrabbled to grasp for words to tell her, to make her stay. Dammit, he had prepared a nice speech now he couldn't even remember shit. He felt panic rise within him. If she left, all that he had in mind would go out the fucking window. How was he supposed to be with Harry without a beard? 

'Eleanor you can't leave,' he blurted out. She stopped mid folding a blouse and looked at him, raising a questioning eyebrow at him.

'And why can't I?' she asked him. Louis felt his throat go dry. He didn't want to lie to her per se or fill her head with things he didn't mean by telling her he wanted her to stay. She might think he wanted her to stay as his girlfriend. He truly wanted her to stay but for a whole totally different reason. She just couldn't leave. He won't let her leave.

'I need you,' he told her quietly, which was the truth. In a partial way. Eleanor scoffed.

'You need me,' she repeated after him. Louis offered her a small smile.

'Yes I do El,' he told her. She threw the blouse she had been folding into the suitcase and placed her hands on her hips.

'For what do you need me exactly Louis?' she asked him. Louis was thrown off by her question because he honestly didn't know what to answer. His shoulders slumped and he remained silent because he really didn't want to just come right out and tell her he wanted her to be his beard again. Eleanor saw the look on his face and walked over to him, placing her arm around his shoulder which took Louis by surprise. 'Louis sit down,' she told him gently, 'we need to talk.' Louis sat down on the bed and she sat next to him.

'What do we need to talk about?' he asked her. She smiled at him sweetly and Louis braced himself though for what he did not know.

'You. Me and all that's been going on,' she said. Louis nodded. It was all he could do because he and Eleanor had never really talked about anything serious and she sounded serious right now. Yeah he knew he owed her explanations so he sat there and waited for her to talk. Eleanor took a deep breath. 'Louis the reason that I'm leaving is that I can't do this anymore. And I can't keep on lying to you.' Louis looked at her confused.

'Lying to me?' he asked her. Eleanor tucked her hair behind her ear and took his hand in between both of hers, squeezing lightly.

'Louis, when you called me to get back together with you saying how you wanted to give us a real shot, well I kinda knew already that you were going to call me. Modest called me before you did and told me to take you up on your offer. They have been paying me Louis.' Louis looked at her with wide eyes, not believing what she was saying.

'But you....' he began but Eleanor interrupted him.

'I know I told you that I wasn't being paid and that this time it was for real but I lied. They wanted me to tell you that. They made me lie to you To make you believe that it was real between us so that you and Harry.....' She paused and squeezed his hand again. 'Louis I'm so sorry. See, I have a boyfriend. He's called Max and he didn't agree with this from the start. I told him you and I were just friends and that nothing was going to happen between us but that's not what he was worried about. He didn't agree that I should help cover you and Harry up, that I should help Modest in breaking you up. I have no excuse for what I did and Max was right. I can't play a part in this anymore. It felt wrong since the moment I got back here. Since the moment they told me that I had to be mean to Harry and I was really mean to him. I'm so sorry Louis.' Louis could hardly believe what he was hearing. She had been playing him all along but he couldn't really blame her could he? He had been using her too.

'When did you realize that you couldn't do this anymore?' he asked her quietly. He couldn't even feel angry at her. They had both had been played by Modest and Harry got burnt the most in this ugly game! Eleanor smiled at him.

'You know when you were in the hospital after you tried.....' she let it hand but Louis nodded knowing what she meant. 'Well I was sitting with you in your room. You hadn't come round yet and you lay there looking pale and lost. You had just barely made it and even though I didn't show it, it was very hard on me seeing you like that. Well, while I was holding your hand hoping you would wake up, it was Harry's name you kept calling in your sleep. Not mine. His! My heart broke for you to hear you calling out for him and he couldn't be there with you. That's why I left the hospital. I knew that if I left they would bring him to you. It's him you wanted all along. It's him you want Louis. Your heart simply calls out for him even when you don't. I didn't want to stand in the way any longer Louis. No one should stand in the way of you and Harry. That's when I realized that this was wrong. What they are doing to you both is wrong. You tried to kill yourself....' Eleanor's lower lip trembled and a tear rolled down her cheek. Louis turned to look at her.

'Hey, hey its alright. I'm not angry at you. I'm sorry you had to go through all of this for me again. So you know the whole truth about why I left Harry?' he asked her. She wiped her eyes and sniffed.

'Yes, they told me everything. They made me sign an NDA so I couldn't say anything to anyone but I have a copy of it just in case you ever need it Lou. They can't keep getting away with this kind of stuff. I know that Zayn is gone too. Have you told the others what they made you do?' Louis sighed heavily.

'Yeah I did.'

'How did they take it?' she asked him.

'Well Niall seems okay, Liam is mad and upset about Zayn and I can't blame him. And Harry.....well Harry took it bad. Really bad. He was pretty messed up.' Eleanor leaned in closer to him.

'He has been through so much but he is strong Louis. He will pull through. Don't give up on him or on what you have. Louis fight for him. Please don't let them break you and win. What you and Harry have is unique, precious and rare. I have never seen anyone look at somebody the way you two look at each other. I only wish somebody would look at me the way you look at Harry! I have never ever felt the kind of love you two share. You orbit around each other even when you try not to. You have a real life fairy tale and that's so hard to come by. You have the kind of love novels and poems are written about. Fight for your love Louis, fight for him and make your happy ever after. You both deserve it so much and I am sorry I stood in the way of your love. I am sorry I let them use me and that I didn't stand up to them and say no but they are manipulators especially Simon.' She paused and looked at Louis her eyes wide and he thought she looked scared.

'Eleanor its okay really. Harry and I both appreciate what you did for us before. This time it was different.' Eleanor gripped his hand tighter.

'Louis, they have more planned for you. They thought you wouldn't pull this through so they had plans B and plans C. They knew that if I failed, they had to have other stunts to fall back on. You musn't let them get wind that you and Harry are trying to get back together again. They know you guys want to change management and they will milk you for the last cent they can get out of you. After that they don't really care. They don't give a shit if whoever takes you will have to deal with a broken band. They will ruin your reputation Louis. They will drag you through the mud and slander you. You need to be careful because there will be other beards, unexpected ones and I over heard them talking about you having a baby so be extra careful and trust no one. They talk about ruining you guys before you leave them but you especially. They know you go up against them, that you fight them and you rock their boat. You are a fighter and they don't want that. Please don't fight them because you will not win. The more you fight them, the more they will do to you. Be silent. Find a way to communicate with your fans. They are not stupid. They get what you say without you guys having to say it. I mean they have known about you and Harry for all this time. Keep your fan base strong. As long as your fans are behind you and don't believe the rumors, you guys have a chance. Sometimes rumors are worse than truths. They do more damage.' Louis stared at her in awe and gratitude.

'Why are you telling me all this?' he asked her. Eleanor flicked her hair off her shoulder.

'Because they are scum and they can't treat people like they have been treating you and Harry. I have seen it since the beginning. It's utterly unjust. Do what you must to be with Harry. And never ever be ashamed of being gay Louis. Ever. Your love towards each other is beautiful. People can either accept you or not. That should not concern you. What you should be concerned about is Harry and his well being and his happiness. You are his happiness. Give him you.' She smiled at him and cupped his stubbly cheek. 'Be together. You are each other's light. You are the compass to his ship and the rope to his anchor Louis. You have the dagger to his rose. You are each other's home. Live in each other. Don't let them win. Please promise me you won't let them win.' She surprised Louis by throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him tightly to her. Louis wrapped his arms around her and hugged her.

'I promise you El. I'll do whatever it takes to turn this whole mess around. If Harry gives me a chance, I will keep us together. I promise.' Eleanor pulled back and smiled at him.

'I love you Louis. I love you as my brother and I can never say how sorry I am to have played apart in this. I was stupid. Max warned me that it wasn't a good idea taking money to closet you and he was right.' Louis grinned at her.

'Max huh? Does he treat you right?' Eleanor looked down and he could see a blush creep up on her cheeks and a sweet smile spread on her lips.

'He does,' she told him. Louis nudged her with his shoulder.

'So it was him you were always texting and calling huh?' Eleanor nodded and smiled again. 'Cheater,' Louis teased her. Eleanor giggled.

'I'm sorry,' she said again. Louis slung his arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him.

'Stop saying sorry yeah and if Max ever hurts you tell him he will have to deal with me. When are you leaving?' he asked her.

'Early tomorrow morning. My flight is at 5 am.'

'So this is goodbye I guess,' Louis told her. Suddenly he felt sad that she was leaving. He did indeed love her like one of his sisters. Eleanor smiled.

'Your fans will be happy tomorrow when they read I'm out of your life. Do you think we'll trend?' Louis smiled. His eye crinkling smile.

'Oh most definitely yeah. Larries will be over the moon to see you go. No offense.'

'None taken,' Eleanor told him playfully. 'And they should be happy because they love you two together and they love your love. You inspire people to believe in true love. Remember that. You and Harry are an inspiration to many. You are inspiring people to not give up on love, that true love is real and that when you find it, you have to fight for it. Go get him and don't forget to send me a wedding invitation. I will be waiting for it.' Louis felt a lump in his throat choking him. Eleanor became blurred and he realized he had tears in his eyes. He hugged her again.

'Thank you El. I will miss you and yes you will be on top of our guest list. For sure.' Eleanor hugged him tightly.

'I will miss you too. Don't be a stranger okay. Let me know how things go. I wish you and Harry nothing but the best and please tell him that I didn't mean any of the nasty words I said. He believed them so easily and he really didn't deserve them. I feel so wretched for having said all that shit to him. He's such a gentle soul.' Louis smiled in her hair.

'I will tell him and I'm pretty sure he will forgive you. Have a safe flight El and if you ever need anything, anything at all, you have my number.' Louis got up and kissed the top of her head before he left, feeling as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulder. He was ready. Ready to win back the love of his life no matter what and with absolute determination.


	59. Chapter 59

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning. Happy weekend. As it turns out there was a change of plans and I ended up staying home so I do have actual time to update again today. This chapter is a very long one. Much is going to be revealed in this chapter so I hope you enjoy it. All the love, M.

By quarter to nine, Val, Harry and Shane made their way to a small conference room on the seventh floor of the hotel where they were to meet with management. This hotel that they were staying at used this particular room for clients who booked business weekends and conducted their conferences here. When they entered the elaborately decorated room, Louis, Liam and Niall where already there, seated at the long glass top table. As soon as the door opened, Louis' head went up, his eyes landing directly on Harry. Harry met his gaze and no sooner had he done so, Louis saw in his eyes a desperate look, a look that harbored deep loss. It had been two days ago that Louis had revealed to him the why and how of why he had left him and Harry was still trying to come to terms with the fact that he had been over looked by the love of his life. He couldn't seem to interact with Louis. Harry knew that his pride was getting the best of him and he couldn't deny to himself that he was jealous of the fact that Louis had chosen to protect Zayn rather than him. He knew that Louis and Zayn where close but he thought that he and Louis where even closer and that when push came to shove, Louis would chose him over everyone else but he hadn't. Maybe it hurt him so deep because Harry knew that he would always choose Louis over everyone else. So it really didn't sit well with Harry that Zayn had taken top spot in Louis' priorities and he had no idea how to deal with it or move past it.

However when Harry saw the equally desperate look in Louis' eyes, the helplessness he saw there, propelled him to take the empty chair beside him. It was his natural instinct that gravitated towards Louis and somethings are just too hard to change. Harry saw Louis exhale in relief, his shoulders sag forward.

'Are you alright?' Harry asked him softly. Louis nodded slightly but he looked far from okay and Harry knew him too well to realize that he was not. He had a few days' stubble and his hair looked as if it hadn't been made, his tee shirt was crumpled and he had dark circles under his blue eyes. Louis looked at him.

'I'm so sorry,' he told Harry in a broken voice. He felt the need to say sorry to Harry every time he saw him. He just wanted him to know how sorry he was. He lowered his head. 'I messed up,' he told everyone in the room. 'I totally messed up. What was I thinking?' Harry wondered if Louis' what was I thinking meant that he regretted leaving him or what was I thinking as in I got Zayn fired? He hated these thoughts that kept assailing him but he couldn't help it. Fact was that according to Louis, Zayn's place in the band was far more important than his broken heart. Niall reached over and placed a hand on Louis' shoulder.

'It will be okay,' he told him trying to comfort him but Louis needed only Harry's comfort and Harry wasn't giving it to him. Louis knew that Harry was avoiding him ever since he had come clean and he really couldn't blame him. For two whole days, Harry had made it a point to avoid him. Whenever they met, he had been polite and cordial to Louis but that was not what Louis wanted. But then again what was he expecting from Harry? That he would just go back to they way they used to be before he fucked up everything? It wasn't going to happen. Louis had hurt him way too much.

Harry's eyes left Louis' for a second and rested on Liam who sat looking sad and miserable in his chair. He had never seen Liam look this defeated.

'Have you heard from Zayn?' Harry asked him dryly. He really didn't want to ask about Zayn because yeah he was angry and jealous but it was the right thing to do and he always did the right thing. Besides, Liam was hurting and like him. He had no fault in this.

'No,' Liam said quietly. 'I've called him several times but it keeps telling me that the number I'm trying to reach does not exist. I tried Perrie too but I keep getting her voice mail. I called his mum but I keep getting their answering machine. It's like no one wants to take my call. I don't understand why won't someone talk to me.' The room went silent because no one could really give him an answer. It was as if Zayn had fallen off the face of the earth and disappeared. Val cleared her throat, breaking the awful silence.

'I know you all want answers and you will probably get some soon though I have a feeling you will all be fed a load of bullshit. Let them talk guys. You need to show them that you are as strong as ever and united even more. Present them with a strong front. Don't show your weaknesses. You need to show them you have the upper hand here. They will come in here with a sole purpose...that they have you under control. We all believe what Louis has told us, on that we agree so whatever bullshit they have cooked up to feed you, you will have to eat that and try not to spit it back out. Swallow it and keep it down. We have truth on our side but they don't know that.' Louis sighed.

'It won't matter Val. I made a mistake and they won't just hurt me this time. Zayn is paying for it too now.' Harry clenched his teeth together hard. "What about me?" he wanted to yell at Louis. "Am I not paying for your mistakes too?" But he remained silent. He didn't want to make things worse.

Val couldn't take Louis' despair any more. She was afraid for him. She had just removed his ankle suicide watch bracelet just yesterday, hoping Louis felt rewarded for what he had done, for being so brave but she was already regretting her decision. She looked at Harry who sat motionless and expressionless in his chair. Harry had become somewhat detached. She wanted Harry to be there for Louis, to be strong for Louis but Harry was fighting his own demons, demons he was trying hard to keep locked away and not let them burst forth. Still, she wished that he could look past that and support Louis. At this moment, Louis was very vulnerable and susceptible to depressive episodes coming from guilt and that might lead him to... Val stopped herself there. She couldn't think that way.

She got up from her chair and crouched down between Louis and Harry. She put her hand on Louis' hand and looked from one to the other, hoping to get a reaction out of Harry.

'Louis, whatever happens today, don't retrace the step you took. It took a lot for you to say what you said in front of those fans. We know what you said is the truth but the way they twisted it, well they put doubts in people's heads. Its how they work. Still, some consequences were set in motion. All of you are suffering at this point and the future looks uncertain for you guys. They might come in here and tell you that its over, they will disband you and you all go home and start looking at a normal life. Or your career will be taken to another level. Let's see what they come up with and I promise, I will help you fight back. Whatever you guys have to fight for, being your relationship, your band, Zayn...whatever fight they throw at you, I promise to help you.' Louis put his hand over her's covering it.

'I know you will. You have already helped me a lot.' He paused and looked at Harry, their eyes meeting for a brief second before Harry looked away. 'You have helped us a lot.' Val smiled at him.

'And I will continue to I swear. I just need you to trust me and have a little faith in me. All things that are worth fighting for are never easy. But we'll do this okay.' Val stood up and looked at Niall and Liam. 'We will do this together. As a team. I am your therapist and most importantly your friend and my advice to you right now is: forget everything that has happened and stay strong and united. Don't let them divide you and take any more from you than they already have.'

The door opened slowly and all eyes in the room went to it. Val returned to her chair between Shane and Harry. Drew walked in closely followed by Stuart and Simon. The boys were slightly shocked to see Simon walk in. They weren't expecting him. He never actually attended meetings unless it was urgent or things were going to change. They filed in one after the other and sat down across from them. No sooner had they sat down, another two suited men entered the room carrying briefcases. It didn't take much to know they were lawyers. Stuart cleared his throat.

'Thank you for agreeing to this meeting,' he began as if they had been given a choice on wether to attend or not. 'We have much to discuss regarding these new unforseen developments that have unexpectedly taken place.'

'When is Zayn coming back?' Liam asked straight out. He wasn't in the mood for formalities and bullshit. He wanted answers which he knew they could give and he was going to get them. Liam didn't miss the exchange of glances between Stuart and Simon. Simon looked Liam straight in the eyes.

'Zayn is not coming back,' he told him calmly. Of course everyone was expecting that. Louis had told them that Zayn had been fired! Liam felt the anger rise within him at this man and his audacity to be so calm when he was the one who had fired Zayn.

'What do you mean he's not coming back?' Liam growled. Naill who was sitting next to him placed a gentle arm on his back but Liam just shrugged it off. Simon sat up straighter in his chair and folded his arms on the glass table top.

'Liam, Zayn left because he wants a solo career.'

'Bullshit,' Liam spat at him. 'Zayn never said anything about a solo career.' Simon looked at him with what seemed like sympathy even though it was the fakest form of sympathy they had ever seen.

'He might not have said anything to you Liam but he talked to me. Zayn has been unhappy for awhile and wanted to leave One Direction.' Everyone was still and frozen at the words Simon had just uttered.

'So why now?' Liam asked angrily, not believing they were making this all Zayn's fault when it was clearly Louis' fault because he wanted Harry back. Come to think of it, it was both of their faults for causing all this trouble with their relationship. They were selfish and only thought about themselves and their forbidden love. Which was why Zayn had been kicked out. Simon sighed heavily as if he were conveying a great disappointment.

'Zayn called me a few days ago and said he can no longer stay in this band. With all the issues causing so much trouble he felt he was going through a lot of stress. His anxiety was getting worse. He told me that he was unhappy with the way the band was sounding and he wanted to do something different. He no longer was enjoying being in the band Liam and I had no choice but to help him out. I couldn't force him to stay and risk his mental health.' To say that everyone was stunned at hearing these words being uttered from Simon's mouth would be an understatement. They knew, were prepared for the truth to be twisted but not to this point. He was sitting there blatantly lying about Zayn!

'That's all lies,' Liam protested, defending Zayn. He wasn't going to let them pin this on Zayn and feed the media all this bullshit and make him look like something he wasn't. 'Zayn and I talked about everything. If he was unhappy like you say he was and wanted to leave, trust me I would've been the first to know. He would've told me. Yes, he was stressed and he was anxious but aren't we all?' Simon kept his eyes soft and full of sympathy on Liam.

'Clearly he must've felt that he couldn't trust you with this issue since he came to me with this difficulty and I had no choice but to help him. I am after all responsible for all of you.' Liam looked at Louis, silently asking him to speak up, to not let Zayn take the blame for something he didn't do. Louis looked at him seeing the plea in his eyes and he felt torn. He knew that all Simon was saying was nothing but lies and made up stories to feed to the media. He knew there would be bad press about Zayn and make him look like the bad guy. He knew that the fans would be angry. He had hurt Harry, he had hurt Zayn and he had hurt Liam and Niall. His brain worked overtime trying to come up with the right solution. Eleanor had told him to not let them know he was trying to get back together with Harry again. Val had told him not to let them know the others knew what they had threatened him with and how they had made him leave Harry. Heck, he didn't want Modest to know any of this either. Because he was afraid of what they would do to him, afraid of what the next threat would be, afraid of what they had in store for him next. But then again, he couldn't let everyone around him fall apart while he stood there and watched them break to pieces. He had to act even though he knew there would be consequences. Let them come for him. Let them do to him whatever they wanted but he was going to protect his friends. He looked straight at Simon.

'They know. I told them,' he said softly as if afraid of speaking too loud. Simon narrowed his eyes at Louis.

'They know what?' he asked him calmly, a ghost of a smile playing on his lips. The man's cool sent a shiver down Louis' spine. Louis took in a deep breath.

'It's not true what you are saying about Zayn and you know it. We all know its not true.' Louis spoke softly, keeping his voice low and calm. All eyes in the room where on him. Val looked horrified that Louis was putting himself in their hands for more abuse and Harry glared at him, his hands fisted in his lap, anger coursing through him that once again Louis was protecting Zayn, forgetting how they had threatened to rip him apart if he so much as opened his mouth. Harry wondered what was it that made Louis want to protect Zayn at all costs and totally abandon his sense of reason. Not two days ago, Louis had told him that he wanted him back and begged his forgiveness, yet here he was throwing caution to the wind risking everything again for Zayn not really giving a fuck about him.

'I told them everything you made me do,' Louis continued, his voice barely above a whisper. Simon threw a glance at Stuart and Drew then back at Louis as if he didn't understand what he was saying.

'Louis we presented you with options. You made your own choices. We didn't force anything on you,' Simon told him. Louis felt the blood drain from his face and he went cold. So this was how they were going to play it? He should've known that they would turn it round on him but he knew that he hadn't had much of a choice in the matter. They had threatened him! They had pushed him into a corner and he had had no choice. How where they even going to sit there and blame him?

'But you told me...'

'Look,' Simon interrupted Louis who was beginning to panic, 'we gave you options Louis. You chose to leave Harry all on your own. We didn't influence your decisions. You protected your friends and your band as a whole and I admire you so much for that. That was a very selfless thing to do. What I do not admire however is you insinuating that we somehow forced your hand into making the decisions you made.'

'But Zayn,' Louis began again and Harry tensed even more beside him because why was not Louis defending himself? Why was he still defending Zayn when they were blaming him for all that happened? Suddenly the dull ache of heartbreak seemed very far away and Harry just felt angry. He felt annoyed and frustrated with Louis. He was ready to explode but he knew he couldn't. Simon sighed impatiently.

'Zayn left of his own free will. We will release a statement to the press about his leaving the band further this week. As for the rest of you....'

'We are not disbanding,' Harry said, his voice deep and dangerously low, masking his anger. Louis shot him a look from beneath lowered lashes and he saw his jaw clenched tight. Harry was in one of his not to be messed with moods which he rarely had but when he had them, they were scary.

Harry had no idea what Simon and Modest were going to come up with but he wanted to be the one to lay down their decisions first. They had discussed their future and they had all agreed anonymously that no matter what, OTRA will continue. He wanted to be in control. Everything else was out of his control but he wanted the future of One Direction to be in their hands. Modest and Simon had been in control of everything for far too long and not just of their careers but even of their private lives and Harry wanted to get back some of that control even if it was just about decisions regarding their future. He knew Louis was suffering and he knew that Simon was lying through his teeth to make Louis look bad. He knew all of this and he wanted nothing more than to give in, to turn to mush and fall into Louis' arms and cry and tell him that he forgives him for everything but Jeff had told him that it was time to put himself first for a while. He had spoken to Jeff and Ed the past two days and had told them what had happened and they both had told him to take care of himself and that it wasn't selfish to put himself and his feelings first for a while. They told him that it was okay to feel angry and betrayed because after all he was only human and Harry was allowing himself to feel all that, to feel Louis' betrayal, to feel the anger and pain and disappointment and the jealous inside him. He was going to allow himself to feel it all and propel him forward.

Simon, Stuart and Drew exchanged glances then Simon turned his eyes on Harry and smiled.

'We are glad to hear that. Too many are invested in you...'

'The reason WE,' Harry cut him off, emphasizing on the WE, 'decided not to disband is out of loyalty to our fans. Zayn's "leaving" is going to kill them enough. We can't possibly leave them too. We have to be there for them to hold them together. They need us now more than ever.'

'Yes yes,' Simon agreed, waving his hand at Harry s if dismissing his reasons, 'but fans aside...'

'No! Not fans aside,' Harry interrupted him again, his voice stern. 'They have gotten us to where we are. They pay our bills and give us the life that we have. They made us what we are and WE owe it to THEM to continue with One Direction as a four piece. Yes, you get credit for managing the business side of this but if it weren't for them, there would be no business for you to manage in the first place. And you owe it to them too because you get your pay cheques thanks to them.' Harry was on a roll and it felt good to be releasing some of his pent up anxiety and anger. Everyone in the room was silent and all eyes were on Harry. Harry never spoke up, he never argued with them. Louis felt his mouth fall open and something inside of him stirred. He felt it grow inside him and it could hardly fit in his body. He had never seen Harry take such control as he was doing today. Harry looked majestic sitting straight in his chair, his long hair falling on his shoulders, eyes straight ahead resting on Simon without flinching. Harry was a dominating presence in the room and Louis realized that this was a side of Harry that he had never seen and he realized that he liked it. He liked dominant Harry. He was sure that what he felt stirring inside of him was nothing but pride and love for his boy, mentally ignoring the stirring that was making his jeans tighter.

'Its going to be hard work,' Simon pointed out.

'And when have we ever shied away from hard work? You should know since you worked us to the bone for the last five years' Harry spat him and Louis was sure he was going to come in his pants watching Harry stand up to Simon. 'The next concert is in two days. We'll figure it out. And talking of which, we have been talking and made some decisions of our own regarding our future.' Harry paused to assess Simon's reaction but Simon nodded for him to continue. Harry licked his lips and Louis was eye fucking him from the seat next to him.

'We will be writing our own songs for the next album. We will collaborate with our usual team of writers but mostly it will be written by us. And it will be on a personal level just so you know. And after OTRA is over and promo for the album is done, we have decided to go on hiatus, a year maybe two.' Simon gaped at him.

'I don't think that's a good idea Harry,' Simon protested. Harry huffed.

'With all due respect Simon, you don't get to have a say in this. No other band has worked for five years straight or toured as much as we have while recording albums on the road. We need this. We need a break and we are going to have it. Besides, our contract with you ends soon. We need to reorganize ourselves with new management. We would also like to try and do different things while on hiatus.' Simon placed his elbows on the table and leaned forward into them.

'Leaving the music scene for an extended hiatus is not a good idea especially right after the release of a new album. The fans will move on. Besides, we have to promote the album.' Harry nodded.

'Our fans are loyal to a fault but that's a risk we have to take. Yes, we worry we might lose them but we are hoping that they will wait for us. We will reassure them as much as we can that we will be coming back at some point and trust that they will have faith in us. As for the album, we will promote it for two months.' Simon scoffed.

'That's absurd Harry even for a person as intelligent as you. An album needs more promoting than two months.' Harry gave him a faint smile.

'We have our own way of promoting too. Social media helps. Book us as many shows and interviews as you can during November and December because that's as much as we are going to give. The album will be a success even without much promotion. Our break starts on New Year's Day.' Simon glared hard at Harry.

'That is not how things work,' Simon said non too gently and Louis felt the urgent need to get up and smack him silly but he remained seated and let Harry dominate. 'You don't get to make decisions regarding the business side.' Harry gave him another smile.

'We are more than a business. We are people. We need a break. We want to spend time with our family and friends and explore our options as solo artists. After all, we auditioned for the X Factor as solo artists. It was you who decided to put us in a band. You have decided for us for a long time. I speak for all of us when I say we will promote the album for two months and not a day more. This album is a gift from us to our fans and we want to make it as personal for them as possible. We are going to surprise them and keep them on their toes. This will be the best album yet.' The others nodded at Harry in agreement. Simon ran a hand through his short hair.

'You can't run your own career,' he told them. 'There is us to do that for you. We see to things....'

'Not anymore,' Harry interrupted him. Simon was losing his patience.

'We are still in control of One Direction,' Simon said angrily. ' We still own you.' Harry faltered. That much was true but he was taking a stand for all of them, mostly for Louis even though he didn't really want to admit it. Louis had hurt him enough for a lifetime. When Simon saw that Harry did not reply, he turned to one of the suited men sitting at the head of the table.

'Mr. Turner, please enlighten Mr. Styles and the rest of them about the course of action we will be forced to take should he or any other member of the band decide to go against management or label procedures.'

Mr. Turner nodded at Simon, opened his briefcase and pulled out a file which he opened in front of him and commenced with a lengthy speech about the importance of contracts and the consequences leading up to breaches of said contracts. When he was finished, the other suited man launched into another lengthy speech detailing the contract they had with the record label and should they decline to full fill such contracts it could lead to severe legal matters which could leave them bankrupt even before the said legal actions were finished. When he was done, the room was silent. When no one spoke, Simon cleared his throat.

'I am glad we all came to an understanding. The album is set for release in November so during the upcoming two months break, I will expect to hear samples from you.' Simon paused and his eyes went to Louis and rested on him. 'As to what happened two days ago in the lobby of that hotel, our people deflated much of it. However I need you to tweet something irrelevant to what happened and leave the rest of us to clean up your mess once again. Mr. Horan,' Simon said addressing Niall. Niall's head snapped up from where he was dozing off in his chair. He looked at Simon.

'Mr. Horan,' Simon continued, 'as of today you are some what public with Melissa.' Niall looked at him confused. His brain was still half asleep and his stomach was growling.

'Who?' he asked. Simon inhaled deeply looking highly annoyed.

'Melissa the student you met in Australia? The brunette you were so close to?' Niall seemed to be thinking then realization dawned on his face and he smiled brightly.

'Oh you mean Mellie! We're good friends yeah. She's so awesome. Fonds really hard over my Irish accent. She thinks I'm a cutie pie. Really funny lass.' Simon smiled at him.

'I am so glad you feel that way about her. As of today she is your girlfriend. We have some papped photos of you and her from when you were in Australia at the beginning of the tour and they were never released to the public. Well they will be released on social media and The Sun to give the fans something else to tweet about other than how Larry is real.' Niall looked confused.

'But she's not my girlfriend. You can't just make her be my girlfriend just to distract the fans from what Louis said,' Niall explained innocently. Simon rolled his eyes.

'We can make her be your girlfriend. Given the right publicity, the story will spread like wild fire and your fans will eat it up. They will speculate and hashtag it and that's what we want. Your fans are gullible and naive and the news will divert them.' Niall looked at Simon in disbelief.

'She's a human being. You don't just use people like that. She's a student and has a life of her own. She can't be made public and have her life turned upside down just because you say so. Like you did with Eleanor. I won't let Mellie...'

'It's not your call Mr. Horan,' Simon cut him off. 'We need a distraction story to take the heat off what Mr. Tomlinson tried to do. That's final.'

'No its not final,' Val said unable to hold her tongue any longer. She couldn't bare anymore of this abusive behavior towards these lads. Louis, Harry, Liam and Niall looked at her startled. She had been so quiet throughout the whole meeting that they had forgotten she was there. Shane blew out a breath and looked at the lads giving them an "oh-boy-here-we-go" look.

'Excuse me?' Simon asked her, blinking at her because he had forgotten that she was even there.

'I'm afraid I can't excuse you no,' Val told him, her voice steady and calm. 'What you just said, what you're doing, its all wrong.' Simon leaned back in his chair, folded his arms across his chest and looked at her with an amused look on his face.

'Mrs. McCutcheon, it is not your place to discuss business matters which regard the band. Your job is to see to the mental well being of the members of the band concerned. I suggest you stick to your line of work and let us do our job.' Val stared at him and gave him a sarcastic smile.

'Seriously?' she asked him her voice holding a hint of disbelief and a hint of sarcasm. 'You're gonna sit there like the prick that you are with that fake smile on your face and sell me a load of bullshit?' There was a collective gasp in the room, the lads stared at her with wide eyes and their mouths hanging open.

'I suggest you watch your tone Mrs. McCutcheon,' Simon warned her. Val scoffed.

'Or you'll what? Stuff me back in my closet? Because that's why we're all here today innit? That's what all this charade has been about all along. These two,' Val said pointing at Louis and Harry who sat there just staring at her with open mouths. 'You hired me because Louis here tried to commit suicide. The reason he is suicidal is because of all this shit here that you and your team pull. You hired me to look after him and Harry and the others mental-wise when you're the ones screwing with their mental well being in the first place. The amount of mental abuse you subject these guys to is unbelievable so don't sit there like you know what the fuck is going on because you have no fucking idea what you are putting them through.' Simon glared at her but he remained calm.

'That is not true. We help them as much as we can. We care to know that their careers, the management and record company are safe from any harmful and damaging exposure.' Val stood up and rolled her eyes at him.

'Listen to yourself! You're talking out of your ass!' She heard giggles of laughter coming from Niall and Shane whisper to her 'easy babe,' but she took no notice of either of them. Instead she fixed Simon with a death glare and continued:

'Take a moment and step back from all the bullshit you've been spewing for the last half hour and take a look at Louis. Look at him go on. I mean really look at him not just like he's your fucking product but like the human being that he is. He's broken beyond any of your recognition. He's hurt and he's suffering and he's been doing that for a while while you continued to pile more on him. He's struggling with what you make him do and he's struggling with what he wants to do because he can't do it thanks to all your horse shit! You make him do what he doesn't want to and make him be what he isn't! You manipulate him and constrict him into being your puppet and it got to him so bad that he preferred to take his own fucking life rather than live like this.' Val paused but kept her eyes fixed on Simon.

'Now look at Harry,' she told him. 'He's broken too in case you haven't noticed. But why would you notice? He's just another part of the product right? He's broken because he's suffering too because you are making him watch the man he loves slowly fall apart and he can't hold him together no matter what he does. No matter the amount of love he gives him, he is watching Louis slip through his fingers and he can't fucking hold him together. Their families are broken along with them watching their sons suffer and break and it kills them that there's nothing they can do for them because you rule them with an iron fist. What you say has to go! All this suffering is your fucking fault with your narrow mindedness and homophobia. We're in 2016 for fucks sake where being in a same sex relationship in no longer taboo unless of course you're fucking Modest! Go ahead Mr. Cowell look at them. You've shoved them into a closet so deep they can't see anymore. Not to mention.....'

'Mrs. McCutcheon,' Simon interrupted her, 'I think you made your intentions quite clear.' Val pointed her index finger at him.

'I am nowhere near making my fucking intentions clear so you're gonna sit there and listen. You wanted updates on their mental well being, so here's my God damn update. As I was saying before you rudely interrupted me, not to mention the fact that you are dragging innocent people in this stupid fake cover up. Like Miss Calder for example. Have you paid any attention to Miss Calder of late? Of course you haven't? Why would you? She's just another part of the fucking package! She is suffering and is fighting anorexia because thanks to you assholes, people hate on her.' Beside her she heard Louis gasp at the revelation that Eleanor had been suffering and he had been too immersed in his own suffering to see her pain. Val looked at him to make sure he was alright but she didn't miss the look of pain and guilt on his face. She realized then that Eleanor had not told him anything about her suffering. She turned her look back on Simon.

'Miss Calder and I talked a few times and she told me all about her "job" in detail and all that you threatened her with if she didn't do her job. I recorded the session just in case. Eleanor loved Louis as if he was her brother and she was suffering because she was seeing him suffer. She hated that the fans hated on her so much but she could understand their hate. She knew she was standing in the way of Larry and to them she was the cause that there was trouble between them. Oh yes, the fans see everything. Eleanor was suffering because she wanted away from all this and just to live her life with her boyfriend. Now you want to drag along another poor girl into the melee to cover up what Louis so justly and rightly said. You cannot continue to hide them and threaten them. That's abuse. That's bullying and manipulation. That's character assassination and harassment. Its against the law and humanity. Louis tried to kill himself over this and you have to acknowledge the fact that you drove him to the very edge. If it wasn't for Harry, Louis wouldn't be here today. I can't have another suicide on my hands.'

Val stopped suddenly when she realized what she had said in the midst of her passionate argument. All eyes went on her, fixed and questioning. She knew now that they would ask. It had slipped her mouth and they had picked up on it. Shane stood up and put her arms around her shoulders and hugged her.

'Its okay honey,' she told her lovingly but Val shrugged out of her embrace.

'No Shane its not okay. These assholes have no idea what its like to hide and keep stuff to yourself, the mental damage it does. They don't fucking know what its like to lose someone to suicide.' Her voice broke and her eyes filled with tears. Harry stood up and hugged her tightly to him.

'I'm so sorry,' he whispered in her hair. Val leaned into his embrace. He was soft and warm and he smelled heavenly and his hair tickled her face and his arms around her were tight and comforting. She took in a deep shuddering breath and moved out of his embrace, giving him a small reassuring smile. Simon cleared his throat, breaking the tense moment.

'I think our lawyer here will agree with me that I see fit to terminate your contract seeing how you got too personally involved. In my opinion you cannot professionally perform your job to your highest request when you are personally involved with your clients.'

Val looked at him shooting daggers from her eyes. Shane took a step back as if she suddenly expected Val to explode. She motioned for Harry to do the same and he sat back down in his chair next to Louis.

'You terminate my contract on no fundamental grounds and I will sue your ass from here to fucking Timbucktoo. You cannot break a legally signed document based on what you think you know. My contract was signed by all parties involved and you can't just fucking fire me because it doesn't suit you. My speaking up the truth worries you huh so you want to pack me away and shut me up. But I won't be bullied by you or your god damn team. You signed me up for seven months and I won't leave a day before.There is no base here for you to end my contract except the fact that you "think" I got too close to these lads. Try and prove it and I will prove you wrong.' Simon smiled a slow lazy smile.

'I am sure we will find away.' Val slammed her palm down on the table.

'You do that Simon! I dare you to do that. Don't think for just one second that I won't expose you and Modest for what you truly are and you will go down with them. I have my means just like you do. You bet your fucking ass this got personal and those fucking pricks at Modest know it too. This is not the first time I've had to deal with Modest so I would advise that it's in your best interests you not to fucking test me.' Louis stood up suddenly, pushing his chair away with the back of his legs.

'Please don't fire her,' he told them, his voice pleading. 'I'll do whatever you need me to do. Just please let Val stay.' Val turned to look at him a scowl on her face.

'Louis what the fuck! I don't need you protecting me and taking on more on yourself for me. You are already carrying too much without putting extra pressure on yourself. None of this is anyway backfiring on you. It's not your fault. Its their fault and trust me I won't be fired. They wont risk firing me,' she told him, pointing a finger at Simon, Drew and Stuart. Louis sat down and looked down at the floor defeated. Harry looked at him worry etched on his face. He wanted to wrap him in his arms and make it all better for him but his body felt as if it was made of stone.

'Enough with the accusations Mrs. McCutcheon. You will hear from us soon,' Simon told her as he got up and the others followed suit like puppets.

'You'll hear from my lawyer,' she spat at him as she watched them file out of the room one after the other. The door closed softly behind them.

'Dammit! Fuck!' Val growled as she flopped back down in her chair.

'Hey,' Shane told her, 'you tried okay. You tried. And that is all you can do is try.' Val looked at her and swallowed the lump in her throat.

'It wasn't enough,' she whispered in a choked voice. She turned to look at Louis who sat crumpled in his chair looking plain miserable. Nothing had gone right in this damn meeting. 'I'm sorry I snapped at you. I just don't want you adding anymore to yourself. If they fire me, and that's a big IF, I don't want you to make it your fault. Please.' She reached over Harry and took Louis' hand. 'Sometimes I get scared and I worry a lot. I don't want anything to happen to you,' she told him by way of explanation. Louis gave her a tired smile.

'You mean you don't want me hurting myself,' he told her quietly. She looked at him her eyes tearing up but she said nothing. Louis squeezed her hand. 'I won't Val. I promised you that I won't and I will keep that promise. I promised Harry too and I meant it.' He looked at Harry their eyes meeting briefly. 'I learned my lesson,' he said addressing Harry even though Harry remained silent. Louis paused then looked back at Val. 'Who was it?' he asked her softly. 'Who did you lose to suicide?'

Val pressed her lips tightly together to keep from crying but the tears fell from her eyes regardless and rolled onto her cheeks. Shane was quick to envelope her in her arms hugging her tightly and looked at Louis.

'She doesn't like to...' but Val's hand on her's stopped Shane from finishing her sentence.

'It's okay love,' Val told her in a broken whisper. She looked at the four faces staring at her with anticipation but her gaze settled on Louis.

'He was called Abel. Abel Grahams. He was 18 when Modest took hold of him and his band. Abel and the others were so excited to finally be noticed and contracts were signed with Modest. When Abel told me his story, it was heartbreaking.' Val paused and took a tissue offered to her by Shane. She lifted her glasses and dabbed at her eyes. 'Abel had a boyfriend. Ryan. He wasn't part of the band. They had been together since they met at school when they were both thirteen. Abel and Ryan were both out of the closet. They never his who they were and even when Abel joined the band he was always out. When he told Ryan that they got signed, Ryan was over joyed for him because he knew how much the band meant to Abel and how hard they had been working for this break. Abel started making plans with Ryan of how he was going to take him with him on tour and how he was going to get a place for them both, a big house in L.A. Abel was so happy. His dreams were finally lifting off and he was going to take Ryan with him along the way until Modest crushed all of that.' Val paused and wiped her eyes again. Shane squeezed her hand.

'You can stop honey. You don't have to do this.' But Val shook her head.

'They need to know this. They need to know what these bastards are capable of.' She looked from one face to the other, seeing their curious gazes on her. Louis and Harry looked more shocked than curious. Val took in a deep breath. 'Life didn't go exactly as Abel had dreamed it would go. Once they were signed with Modest and Syco, Simon began with the rules. Abel was not allowed to bring Ryan to any shows. Was made to go back into the closet. He was threatened. They threatened Ryan. Abel began to distance himself from Ryan so he wouldn't be caught up in all of this till they grew apart and it killed him that Ryan was suffering because of this. He would call Ryan every time Ryan was on the media with some model on his arm and beg him why he was cheating on him. Not that Abel ever took his calls. He just read the texts and heard the voice mails Ryan left. Ryan was heartbroken because he loved Abel so much and Abel loved him too but he couldn't drag him into all of it. He told me all of this during our sessions. He was beyond consoling. He was losing interest in his band and music. He took to drinking and heavy drugs. When I first met him he was so out of it, so intoxicated he didn't even know who I was. The next day but when he was sobered up not full of chemicals, he was such an amazing loving guy who was still madly in love with his boyfriend but had a contract he couldn't get out of. Abel dumped Ryan through a text not really telling him the real reasons as to why he ended their relationship. He wasn't allowed to tell him why. Ryan was beside himself and called Abel's mobile nonstop but Abel just ignored him and drowned himself in drink and drugs. He dealt with the emotional pain by abusing himself, trying to forget the love of his life .' Val paused again and swallowed, tears rolling on to her cheeks.

'One day we were in Sweden. The band were promoting their upcoming album and management gave them a few days off to enjoy sometime in the mountains skiing and stuff. We were staying in cabins in the mountains and Abel was quite relaxed and very sober. He was telling me that Ryan would've loved it here as he had never seen snow before. Later that afternoon we had a session and he never showed up in my cabin. I waited for him thinking he was having fun with his band mates on the slopes and God knew he needed some fun times. When an hour passed and he didn't turn up, I went to his room. I knocked but I got no reply so I went to look for the others. I found them down in the lobby by the fireplace having drinks but Abel was not with them. I asked his security but he hadn't seen him all afternoon. We went back to his room and the security had the master key and he opened the door. We found him hanging from the rafters.' Val stopped as a choked sob escaped her. She pressed her hand to her mouth. Louis and Harry looked at her with watery eyes and Niall and Liam were stunned into silence. Shane hugged her.

'Shh shh love its alright. It's alright baby,' she soothed her. Val cried in Shane's shoulder. When her crying subsided, she wiped her eyes and sat back in her chair. She looked ahead and took another deep shuddering breath.

'All we found in the room was an empty bottle of whiskey and two letters. One for me and one for Ryan. I opened mine days after his funeral as I couldn't bring myself to read his words. When I finally opened it, I recognized his messy hand writing. All it said was 'Thank you so much for everything, mostly for trying to fix me but I can't do it anymore. It hurts too much to live.' Those where his final words to me. He had given up and I didn't see the signs. That afternoon on the slopes when he was feeling relaxed and happy and sober, I realized afterwards that he had already made up his mind to leave this world. He had made his peace already and I didn't see the signs. I failed him. I couldn't reach him in time enough to save him.' Val burst into tears again leaning heavily into Shane. No one said a word and the only sound in the room was Val's crying. When the crying became soft sniffles, Val looked at Louis and Harry through red puffy eyes.

'When I got the call for you and I came here and had my first session with you, I wanted to quit. I couldn't go through it again. Not another Abel and Ryan. But I couldn't walk away and leave you to those bastards either. I couldn't leave you alone. Simon was right when he said that it became personal, that you became personal. I won't let what happened to Abel and Ryan happen to you.' She paused and looked from one to the other, finally resting her eyes on Louis.

'You scare the shit out of me,' she told him softly. 'You terrify me and I'm constantly scared I will fail you too,' Val sniffed back at her tears. Louis got up and squatted in front of her and took her hand.

'I'm so sorry this has been so hard for you. I had no idea at all but you don't have to be scared Val. I will promise you as many times as you need to that I will not try again. I have seen now how suicide truly effects those left behind. I was selfish when I tried to take my own life to escape the problems instead of fighting them.' Louis looked at her and saw how wrecked she was by the memories that haunted her.

'She went to a very dark place after Abel's death,' Shane told him, caressing Val's hair. 'I lost her to the darkness in her mind. It lasted for over a year until I suggested that we should try for a baby. It was the only thing left to try to maybe bring her back to her own mind. When we found out we were pregnant, slowly she started to come back to me. By the time Adam was born, she was fully back. You have no idea Louis how suicide leaves the ones behind.' Val squeezed Shane's hand affectionately.

'Adam's second name is Abel,' she told no one in particular, still lost in her dark thoughts. She rolled up the sleeves of her AC/DC Back in Black tee shirt and pointed to a tattoo, a sentence in cursive writing on her forearm. Louis, Harry, Liam and Niall crowded round her to look at what she was pointing at. 'This was Abel's motto "Live for today cos tomorrow ain't promised". He used to tell me that when I'd worry so much about him.' Val paused again and Shane rubbed her back tenderly. Louis bit his bottom lip and looked at Harry and realized then after Val's story what he had really put him through, the pain he had inflicted on him by a memory of him almost dead on his bed, a memory that will haunt Harry forever. He looked at Val, broken and riddled with guilt and saw how Harry would have lived the rest of his life had he died. He reached over and placed his hand on Harry's. Thankfully Harry didn't pull his hand way.

'I'm truly truly sorry for what I put you through,' he told him in a choked voice. 'It is only now that I realize what I truly did to you. If I had died, I would have killed you too. I am so sorry Harry. I hope that one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me for everything.' Harry pressed his lips together, fighting the urge not to cry. He simply gave Louis a small nod. Val looked from one to the other.

'You can't give up on each other. Don't let those bastards win. You can change things and end all of this. They have done a lot of harm to others and they need to be stopped and I will help you stop them. They can be brought down and not sign an other poor hopeful individual to their management team from hell. I want to see them go down for what they did to Abel, for what they are doing to you. You guys can sue them. You have the grounds for it.'

'How can we do that?' Liam asked. 'They do what they want anyway.' Val looked at him.

'You can. I have proof. I recorded my sessions with Abel. In those sessions he told me all about them and their manipulative ways. I have copies of his contract. I have a friend of mine who used to be in a band called Westlife and the same happened to him. He was in love with a band mate and they closeted them and made them look like womanizing shits. His time in Westlife was a hard and difficult time for him. He suffered from depression and anxiety. He wanted to sue them but he had no proof. If I tell him about what they did to Abel and what they are doing to you guys, I am pretty sure he will step up. You only have a few months of contract left with them....after that you will be free and can sue those motherfuckers to hell.'

The silence hung heavy in the room. Val watched each one of them carefully as they all took in what she had just suggested. She knew they wanted to. She knew they were tired of all of this and wanted their own lives back into their own hands but she also knew that they were weighing the options and that right now the cons outweighed the pros. Liam's phone ringing in the silence brought them all out of their thoughts. Liam took out his phone and frowned at his phone displaying an unknown number. Still, he swiped his phone and answered with a curt hello.

'Zayn!' he exclaimed loudly. 'Zayn how are you? Where are you?' He had a million question for him and he began firing away. The others looked at him eagerly. Only Harry looked down at the floor seemingly not interested in the phone call. Val felt the need to rub his back and offer him comfort. She knew well enough how all this was effecting him. Liam mumbled something into the phone then he put it down on the table and put it on speaker. Immediately Niall and Louis began speaking simultaneously to Zayn with Liam trying to squeeze in more questions.

'Guys guys please,' Zayn said his voice coming in through the phone. 'I haven't got much time okay. I'm not supposed to be in touch with you at least not yet but I had to call to clear the air and rumors you might hear about me before it goes public. I know they told you I left because I was fed up with the band and wanted a solo career. They told me they would tell you that and its what they will feed the media and please let them. Part of it is true. Eventually I was going to leave to pursue a solo career but I wouldn't have left you in the middle of a tour. You guys know me. I was going to talk to you about it but things just happened before I could tell you myself.' There was a pause on the line and everyone held their breath not believing what Zayn was saying. He wanted to leave? Who was lying here? Was it Zayn or Simon? Harry clenched his hands into fists his short nails digging into the palms of his hand. They heard Zayn clear his throat on the other end of the line.

'Look I know you are wondering why I'm not in the band anymore and its not because of a solo career. Liam can tell you why.' All eyes went on Liam.

'Me?' he asked. 'Zayn how do I know why you're not in the band anymore? I'm as confused as everyone here.' They heard an intake of breath on the other end of the line.

'Li,' Zayn said softly, 'they know about us that's why they kicked me out. Explain it to the lads. They ought to know. I'm sorry all this happened. You will all understand after Li explains and please don't hate me. Now I know what these guys are capable of. I am sorry I left you in the middle of a tour but it wasn't my choice. I would've gone through with OTRA till the last day. I was committed to you and our fans but I knew I couldn't stay on much longer. Li, can I talk to you in private?' Liam picked up the phone and turned off the speaker and put the phone to his ear. He was silent, just listening to Zayn talk while the others looked at him, waiting. Val was feeling confused as she didn't know anything about what was happening now and she was in anticipation and a little worried about what Liam had to explain. Liam disconnected and put the phone down. He looked sad and weary.

'I didn't know he wanted out,' he told them softly, feeling the need to clear this right away. 'He never said anything to me regarding this matter.' He paused and looked at the faces of his three brothers and wondered when and at what point did all this shit mess them up this bad. He took a deep breath. 'They sent Zayn away because they couldn't handle another same sex relationship in the band.' He heard their sharp in takes of breath but before they could say anything, he continued:

'Yes Zayn and I were in some sort of relationship. Nothing as big as Larry but yeah. Some fans noticed and actually shipped Ziam. We didn't want to tell anyone seeing what was happening with Louis and Harry and we didn't want to cause anymore trouble but Stuart saw us kiss outside by the hospital when you were there Lou.' Liam stopped, trying to gauge his friend's reaction.

'How long?' Niall asked him.

'Why didn't you tell us?' Louis asked him. Liam shook his head and looked down.

'We couldn't risk letting anyone know. There's Sophia and Perrie to think about too and like I said, we really didn't want the pressure like you two had,' he said, indicating Louis and Harry. 'It's been going on for a while Niall, a bit of a long time actually but they found out and they kicked Zayn out.'

'Well now he's getting the solo career he wanted,' Harry hissed bitterly. He knew it wasn't the right thing to say but at this point he didn't care. So Louis had risked everything to protect Zayn. He had broken his heart into a million pieces to protect Zayn. Had almost succeeded in killing himself and all the while Zayn was pining for a solo career and having a secret relationship with Liam. Zayn was having it all while he had been torn apart all because Louis was protecting Zayn. Harry felt angry beyond reason.

'That's not the way it is Haz,' Liam protested.

'Isn't it?' Harry shot back angrily.

'Harry,' Louis said softly but Harry dealt him a death glare which sent Louis cowering in his chair. Val felt the tension in the room.

'Guys there's so much going on at the moment and emotions are running high and you are almost running on empty. Look, hold it together for the next few days okay. You have the concert in Dubai coming up then its a two month break which you so definitely need. Let's do a group session tomorrow morning okay. You all need to let it out and sort it out amongst you. Zayn is suffering like all of you too.' Harry got up suddenly and pushed his chair back.

'I have to go,' he said in a low voice. 'I have to meet Jeff.' He turned and walked out of the room not wanting any of them to see the tears gathering in his eyes because their world was falling apart and they were losing one another in the process. He needed to get away from them, from One Direction, from Louis, from all of this for a while because he needed to think. He had to make plans with Jeff and Xander.


	60. Chapter 60

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Good morning. Happy Sunday. Here's the 3rd chapter for this weekend. Thank you to everyone who followed me on Twitter (@50ShadesofMags and @DLarryLibrary) I am always happy to hear from you. Love your DM's and many thanks for your kind comments. Much appreciated. All the love, M.

Everyone was restless as they sat on Val's couch in her suite waiting for Harry. Louis and Liam kept looking at their phone from time to time checking the time while Niall was just engrossed in his phone on a virtual game of golf. Louis sighed heavily.

'He's not coming,' he said. 'Harry is hardly ever late and he's an hour late.' Liam rolled his eyes.

'That's what you said twenty minuted ago Lou. Give him some time.' Louis huffed in frustration.

'I know him. He is always punctual. Harry hates tardiness. He doesn't want anything to do with me or be anywhere near me.' Val looked at him as she continued to give Adam his bottle and gave him a small smile.

'You knew him Louis. You knew him. That's the key word here. Harry has changed a lot in the past few months so I don't think you know him as you did.' Louis' face fell and he looked down at his phone.

'Yeah and its all my fault that he's messed up and he's late or not even bothering to make an appearance at all.' Val kept her eyes on him, still giving him her small smile. He was pouting like a child.

'Its not entirely your fault okay. Things happen that change a person and Harry is dealing with stuff in his own way and you need to allow him space to make the necessary changes that needs to be done.'

'Its been four days since I came clean to him, since I apologized and I keep apologizing to him every time he gives me a chance to do so yet he ignores me and doesn't stay in my company too long. It's like he's nervous around me, like he's avoiding me.' Louis said pouting harder. Val sighed patiently.

'Louis, sorry doesn't always fix everything. Harry has his own ways on how he deals with things and things have been really difficult for him. He has never experienced heartbreak before so give the guy some breathing space. He's also dealing with Zayn's absence.' Liam snorted.

'He hasn't said anything about Zayn. Zayn's absence hasn't phased him much.' Val looked at Liam.

'Liam trust me, he is dealing with Zayn's absence too. Harry chooses not to show his emotions but he's dealing. In fact, he's dealing with a lot. He is worried about the fans because he has seen their reactions on Twitter and it killed him that they were crying and miserable. Your loss is their loss too you know. You guys are a team and Zayn's sudden departure hurt them too. He was really upset when he saw pictures on Twitter of fans harming themselves. It was difficult for me to comfort him. So you all need to give Harry some space because he is trying really hard okay.' Liam nodded but said nothing further.

'I need to do something for him,' Louis said to no one in particular all of a sudden. 'I need to do something that will make him happy, that will make him smile again and I mean that dimple popping smile of his that lights up the whole world. Something special just for him.' Val smiled broadly at him, sitting Adam up on her lap as the tiny boy gurgled happily.

'That's a good idea Louis. Really nice of you. Harry could use a little pick me up. He's just mentally and emotionally exhausted. What do you have in mind?' Louis seemed to be thinking for a moment, tapping his index finger against his bottom lip then he looked at Val, a huge smile on his face and his blue eyes bright.

'I will out us at the Dubai concert before the break!'

'What?' Val screeched nearly throwing Adam off her lap.

'What?' Liam and Niall exclaimed together, Niall's game all but forgotten. Louis smiled at them proudly.

'It would be perfect. If I out us, Harry will be so happy. He has wanted that for ages, for us to come out and if I do this for him, he will see that I am truly serious about us getting back together again and that will show him that I don't really care what anyone thinks about me and he will forgive me because then nobody will be able to hold us back. We can be together freely and we will have those two months break and we could just spend them together. Out of the closet.' Val, Liam and Niall looked at him open mouthed. Niall pushed his glasses further up his nose. Val cleared her throat.

'Louis, THAT is not a good idea at all,' Val told him.Louis got up off the couch and paced the room.

'Of course it is,' he told her, his voice full of excitement. 'Why wouldn't it be? It's all he's ever wanted no and its the perfect way to win him back. How can he say no to me when I will out us during our concert? In front of our fans?' Val swallowed thickly and got up, handing Adam to Niall. She stood in front of Louis.

'Lou that's like putting him in a corner and not giving him a choice,' Val told him softly. Louis rolled his eyes.

'No Val, that would be me giving him all that he has ever wished for and wanted for all these years. Can you just imagine his face when I will make us public?' Liam raised a hand as if he was in class asking permission to speak. When he had Louis and Val's attention, he asked:

'And how do you plan on doing it?' Louis' face lit up like a Christmas tree. He flopped back down on the couch, one of his legs tucked up under him.

'Well I have thought about this before, like when I used to day dream about how I would one day surprise Harry with a surprise coming out and this is the perfect time to do it. I want to invite all our families and friends and I over heard Dougie from McBusted saying that his girlfriend Ellie Goulding is coming to our last Dubai show because they are going to get engaged and they want to spend a few days holidaying in Dubai but anyway when I accidentally over heard him say that I got this idea. Harry loves Ellie's song 'Love Me Like You Do', I mean he has it as a ringtone and alarm tune for fucks sake so I was like thinking that maybe when we go off stage and come back out for 'You and I', could kinda sing 'Love Me Like You Do' instead of 'You and I' and you guys could help me sing it to Harry and I just want to go over to him and take his hand in mine. That's all. No theatrics. Just intertwine our fingers and hold his hand because when the fans see that, everyone will know and our fans will immediately upload everything on to their Twitters with the hash tag LarryIsOut. Harry will be so blown away. He wouldn't even know what hit him. Well I am hoping he will take me in his arms and kiss me then. So what do you guys think?' Louis took in a deep breath because he had been taking non stop. He looked at the three stunned faces in front of him, staring back at him as if he had suddenly grown six feet tall. Val scratched her forehead, feeling worry and anxiety take her over..

'Wow you have seriously thought this through haven't you?' she asked him and Louis nodded happily. 'I honestly don;t think its a good idea to put him in the spot light like that Louis. You can't out Larry without his consent.' Val had to divert Louis from doing this because Harry was not ready for this. He was working through so much emotions and he didn't need this. Val looked at Liam and Niall. 'What do you guys say? You're in this too.'

'Well I'm certainly blown away just by hearing the idea,' Niall admitted. 'I can only imagine Harry will be blasted away.' Louis smiled at him, his eyes crinkling up.

'Li what do you think?' Louis asked him. Liam sighed.

'Well we have nothing to lose. Our careers at the moment are uncertain. As for Modest and Simon....'

'They should be the least of your worries,' Val interrupted him. 'Focus on each other. Louis needs your opinions as his friends, brothers and band members.' Liam nodded.

'If you want to do this, then do it. We have all been through a lot of hard times. This should be a refreshing change and maybe it will do Harry good. Maybe he will be happy again. Maybe we can fix everything if he's in a happier place. Go for it.' Louis smiled wider.

'Niall?' Val asked. Niall shrugged.

'It's not really my place to say. It could go both ways. Harry could be happy with this or he might not. Like Liam said though, at this point we have got nothing to lose.' Val took in a deep breath.

'Louis you know there's a chance that it could back fire on you. I feel the responsibility to tell you this. It might not go as you are planning in your head. You two are broken up and Harry is very hurt. He might not accept this.' Louis smiled at her, got up off the couch and cupped her face in both his hands, tilting her face to look up at him. He bent down and kissed her on the forehead.

'For once don't worry so much okay. Harry might have changed but I know that dork inside out. He's a big softie and a romantic at heart and I know he will love this. The big baby will probably be reduced to tears. Have faith Val. It will work out.' Louis winked at her and despite her gut feeling screaming at her to stop him, she knew Louis would go through it regardless.

 

Three Days later Dubai concert.

 

Harry was backstage feeling confused. These past three days were the busiest as they had to re-do all the songs to share Zayn's vocal parts. But he was mostly confused because everyone was acting weird around him. He had noticed that everyone was excited and he put it down to the two months break coming up as everyone needed them badly and with everything that could possibly go wrong had actually gone wrong, well he couldn't blame their excitement of getting away from all of this for a while. However, he was even more confused when he got a phone call from him mum telling him that she, Robin and Gemma were flying out to Dubai to the concert. His parents rarely attended their concerts, still he made nothing of it. They wanted to come to the concert, that was fine with him. Then Louis' family started to roll in...the whole tribe. Jay seemed happier than usual and had hugged him to near choking him, asking him several times if he was okay and pointing out that he needed to eat more because he had lost weight.

Finally, to put the icing on the cake, when he had arrived backstage with Jeff, Louis had told him that there was somebody that he wanted him to meet and he had taken him to the VIP lounge and Harry had been surprised to find Ellie Goulding there. Louis had told him that she was their special guest tonight and Harry had to admit that he was pleased. He had talked to her and Dougie and congratulated them on their engagement.

Now they were finally right behind the stage. They could hear the screams of the fans and Harry couldn't help but feel a rush inside him, his adrenaline kicking in. No matter how many concerts they did and venues they played, it still excited him to perform to their beloved fans. He looked at Liam, Niall and finally rested his eyes on Louis, his band mates, brothers, family and finally his soulmate. His anger towards Louis and Zayn had somewhat dissipated though the pain and regret where still there but he found himself missing Zayn now that they were here for their first concert as a foursome. They had started out as a five piece now they were four. He watched as slowly Louis outstretched his hand and Niall placed his hand on top of his, then Liam placed his hand on top of Niall's and finally Harry outstretched his hand and placed it gingerly on top of Liam's.

'So here we are for the final concert for the time being,' Liam said, emotion lacing his voice. 'A concert with a difference because one of us is missing.' Liam stopped and swallowed hard the lump that had lodged in his throat. His Zayn was not here! A part of them was missing. Still, Liam smiled faintly at them, his eyes shining. 'Let's give our best as always and remember we are a family no matter what.' Niall smiled.

'To family and to two months of doing absolutely nothing but drinking beer, playing golf and watching sports.' They all laughed at Niall's easy going speech. Louis looked up from beneath his eyelashes and looked at Harry who held his gaze.

'To the future,' Louis whispered, keeping his eyes locked onto Harry's and Harry felt confused again. The music started up not giving him time to dwell on Louis' words.

'That's our que,' Harry told them breaking away his gaze from Louis. 'Have a good one and give it your all as always. Our girls need us now more than ever. They are as hurt as much as we are and the are missing Zayn just as much as we are. We need to hold them together just as they are going to hold us together. Its team work.' They all nodded at Harry and said a small prayer. Then they arranged themselves in a single line ready to burst out on stage. Harry noticed that Louis kept shooting him glances and giving him small smiles but he chose to ignore him. This was their first concert as a foursome and they had to fill in Zayn's place as well as vocals and they had had little time to work to change the vocal routines, so Harry chose to concentrate on the show rather then let Louis' gestures get to him and throw him off focus. The stage manager gave them the go ahead and they burst forth on to the stage, just the four of them, a first for them as well as their fans.

They hit the stage to the usual hysteria from the fans but it felt different. Harry immediately caught signs with pictures of Zayn on them and others with the words 'Zayn We Miss You' and 'Four On Stage But 5 In Our Hearts.' Harry felt his chest constrict. He felt his throat swell and a surge of raw emotion wash over him. A sense of love wanted to burst out from him and envelope his three brothers and all their fans in this stadium. They all missed the same person and they all shared the same feeling of loss and pain.

Zayn's absence was felt by them on stage and by the fans in the stadium. Each time one of them sang Zayn's parts, the crowd screamed a little louder and Harry could see tears on the faces of the fans closest to the stage. Yes, there were angry fans who felt betrayed by Zayn's sudden departure but the majority of them missed him and ached that he was no longer part of the band they loved and adored. And Harry as much as he wanted to make up for Zayn's absence, he knew that Zayn's spot could never and would never be filled. His absence would always be an unhealed scar for them and their fans.

The concert proceeded and slowly the boys relaxed in their new position as a four piece band. They each had more to sing, more solos but they worked together and it was going along great. Harry couldn't help but notice the sadness in Liam's eyes even though he was cheering up the crowd and messing about with Louis. It was still a bit of a shock that he and Zayn had had a thing so Harry knew only too well what Liam was feeling, missing his love. Still he was proud of Liam for putting his personal pain away and giving himself fully to the fans.

Not to mention Louis. Zayn and Louis were the bestest of friends and even though Harry had not spoken to Louis about Zayn's absence he knew that Louis was suffering and was missing his best friend. Jealousy reared its ugly head up inside Harry and though he tried to quell it down, he simply couldn't. He was still upset and hurt that Louis had chosen Zayn over him but he was looking forward to this upcoming break hoping that some quiet alone time would help him to think and be rational about the decisions Louis had to take.

Harry hardly noticed that it was time to leave the stage for five minutes. Soon it will be over. Just a few more songs left to go and their first concert as a foursome would be done and it was looking to be a successful one. The lights dimmed and they all entered backstage where they were given water until the melody to 'You and I' will start up. They began filing out again and Harry noticed something was different about the music. He put it down to not having his earpieces in or the band going slightly off tune but once he was out onstage he realized that the tune was different. This was not 'You and I'! He looked confused to the others but they were just smiling at him. Harry felt panic rise in him. What had he missed? Had the set list been changed and he had somehow missed it?

Just then, Louis, Niall, Liam launched into a version of Ellie Goulding's 'Love Me Like You Do' and Harry sighed in relief. Sometimes they did this, sang some piece of another song but he was still confused as to why he hadn't been told about it. It was then that he noticed Louis staring at him while singing. He was staring directly at him with that fond look in his eyes, a small smile on his lips, his eyes really bright. Harry's heart stuttered and stammered in his chest because this was weird. This had not been planned! Well, from the looks of it, it been planned but he had been excluded! He felt like an idiot while clearly Louis was singing this song to him and the others were helping him! What the fuck was going on?

He watched transfixed as Louis slowly began to make his way towards him still singing. Harry knew that it was mere seconds that he had been standing there unable to move or react but it felt as if the whole world had been put on pause when he suddenly realized what Louis was up to. He couldn't be doing what Harry thought he was doing! It was insane! Harry knew he had to react before Louis outed them. He put the microphone to his mouth, turned to face the cheering crowd who Harry hoped didn't notice much of what was going on and said:

'Give it up to our special guest tonight Ellie Goulding who is here somewhere snuggling with her fiancee' Dougie! Congratulations on your engagement. It is so lovely to celebrate love and we at One Direction are always happy to celebrate love! Tonight we celebrate Ellie and Dougie's engagement by singing Ellie's massive hit 'Love Me Like You Do' for them. Congratulations to the happy couple!' The crowed cheered and screamed. Harry had broken the moment. He turned to the band signaling them to start up where they had left off and the music to 'You and I' started up. Louis took up his position next to Harry and Harry dealt him a killer look. Louis lowered his head, hand on his mic and knew he had fucked up. Again.

The concert continued and Harry was grateful that there were only a few songs left because he felt completely thrown off by what Louis tried to do. What had possessed Louis to pull such a stunt? Was he out of his fucking mind? His mind couldn't stop throwing questions at him. He felt the others throwing worried looks at him except Louis who didn't look in his direction one more time. Harry's mind whirled with all this and he just wanted to get off stage and deal with Louis.

 

At last the final song came. They thanked everyone and wished them all a goodnight and safe journey home. The lights went out and they made their way off stage. Once they were away from the public eyes, cameras and mobile phones, Harry turned to look for Louis.

 

TO BE CONTINUED..................................


	61. Chapter 61

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys good morning and Happy Weekend. It's that time again when I deliver updates. I am so sorry that some of you are impatient and hop off to Wattpad to read more even though I advised against it. I am changing things within the story and you go back to reading the old version. Please be patient and stay with this one. Hope you like this chapter. All the love, M

The lights backstage were much dimmer from all the lights that had blinded him on stage. Harry squinted in the dim lights until eyes adjusted to the dimmer light. He could still hear the roar and the screams of the fans out in the venue over the roar of his blood thumping heavily in his ears. Harry could feel the adrenaline coursing through him like liquid fire, his ears ringing from the noise of the crowd, his heart was furiously beating in his chest so hard and fast that it was bordering on painful and sweat slicked his body, his clothes clinging to him like a second skin. His glazed eyes focused around him and he saw concerned faces staring at him: his mum, his sister, Robin, Jay, Dan, Lottie, Val, Shane, Liam, Niall. They were all talking. He could see their lips moving but he couldn't make out what they were saying. His heart was beating too loud in his ears and his breath was becoming short and ragged. He couldn't breathe. He knew that he was having a major panic attack and he needed to get away, out of here, away from everyone. Now! He pushed past everyone, ignoring their worried voices trying to calm him down and he ran. He ran away from them as fast as his legs could carry him, down the corridor to the VIP lounge that they were using as make shift dressing rooms/make up area. He needed to be alone away from the noise, from the crowds, from his family, from Louis' family. Louis!

He barged into the empty room, gasping for breath. He clutched at his throat as if he wanted to rip it open just so he could breathe! He looked around the room not really seeing anything at all except Louis' face as he stared at him with those blue eyes, so tender and his angelic voice as he sang 'Love Me Like You Do.' What had Louis just tried to do? Did he really just try to out them in front of everyone? Why would he do that? Is that why all their families where here? Had he invited them all to be a part of their coming out? The fans! Harry felt panic rise within him and his breath got caught in his already closed throat. The fans had seen! Even though he had caught on to Louis' plan and diverted it, he was sure that the fans would have noticed something. He was pretty sure they would have noticed him standing there like an idiot, caught off guard with his mouth hanging open as Louis sang to him. Fuck! They couldn't fool their fans and fans tweet! They fucking record everything and tweet everything! They had what happened on cameras and he was pretty sure that they would see his stunned face, the surprise on his features and Louis' intention! They wouldn't miss this. Oh God!

Harry felt the room spin and he couldn't breathe. His vision was blurry and turning dark at the edges. His heart was ramming against his ribs with a vengeance and it hurt. He felt fear and panic choking the life out of him. He felt hands on him and someone calling his name from very far away but he was too lost inside his head, panicking and trying to breathe.

'Harry. Harry its Val honey. You are having a panic attack and I need you to calm down and breathe for me okay.' Harry looked at her with wide frantic eyes. He felt like he was suffocating. He gripped her forearms tightly, his long fingers digging into her flesh and tried to talk to her but he couldn't. He tried to draw a breath in but his throat was closed and his lungs felt pressed by the heavy thumping of his heart, the panic and the fear.

'Harry relax. Please. It's just a panic attack from the adrenaline rush and what happened out there love. Listen to my voice okay. I'm going to sit you down.' Val gently moved him to the couch and sat him down. She sat down beside him and removed his hair away from his sweaty face and watched him struggle to breathe. He was gasping and his face was pale white. Sweat covered his face and some dripped off the edge of his nose.

'Harry breathe for me honey,' Val urged him because he was seriously worrying her. She had seen and calmed several panic attacks and they always freaked her out. Heck, she had had a few of her own especially after Abel so she knew what Harry was going through. All the stress and pent up aggression from the past months had finally caught up with him tonight. 'You need to breathe come on or I'll need to get the paramedics in here. Breathe with me Harry. Breathe in, count to five then breathe out okay.' Harry nodded but he couldn't draw in breath. All he did was take in sharp shallow gasps. He could only draw in short breaths which left him panting as his mind replayed what had just happened and he was already having an overload of emotions from all that had been going on and his body couldn't process everything. He was vaguely aware of his mum in the room talking frantically to Val, his sister calling for somebody to do something, Robin trying to calm both his mother and sister. He also heard Louis' thin voice panicking even more than his family was. Harry tried to block out that voice but it was the only voice that pierced his mind, the only voice he could hear and the more he heard it, the more he panicked.

'I need a fucking paramedic in here! Now!' Val yelled over everyone's voices. Val knew that the paramedics here were trained to deal with hysterical, hyperventilating and fainting fans but here she had a hysterical Harry having one major ass panic attack. 'It's gonna be okay Harry,' Val reassured him. 'Just try to breathe for me yeah. Breathe with me.' Val tried to get him to steady his breathing but Harry was just shallowly gasping like a fish out of water, tears falling from his eyes. Anne was crying softly and rubbing his back. Val looked at her.

'He'll be alright Anne. He's just overloaded on emotions and adrenaline. He'll be okay!' Just then two paramedics pushed their way into the room telling everyone to move out of the way and give the patient some space. Val was about to get up but Harry's shaking hands tightened round her hands and he shook his head at her.

'Okay I'm here love and so is your mum and your sister and step dad okay,' Val reassured him, making him aware of who was in the room with him because she knew how a panic attack could make you disoriented and confused. She did not mention Louis even though Harry could still hear him panicking in the background, his voice seeming to permeate his brain and it was all he could fucking hear. Harry closed his eyes, squeezing them tightly shut. How the fuck was he supposed to concentrate on his breathing when he was concentrating on blocking out Louis' voice? He wanted to tell them to get him the fuck out of the room but his throat was too swollen and clogged up for his words to push through. 'I'm not going anywhere Harry and neither is your family. You are safe. We'll take care of you.' The paramedics quickly strapped an oxygen mask over Harry's mouth and nose, easing the elastic strap over his head.

'Breathe slowly,' the paramedic instructed him. Harry squeezed his eyes tighter shut, tears rolling onto his cheeks and he started to breathe slowly blocking Louis out. Instantly the constriction and burning in his lungs began to ease with every breath he took. Val held his hand and Anne rubbed his back slowly up and down, helping him to calm down. The paramedic checked his pulse and blood pressure. He nodded at Val meaning that he was okay and there was nothing serious. After a few more minutes, Harry's breathing became labored and easy. The paramedic looked at him.

'I am going to remove the mask now okay to see if you can breathe properly on your own.' Harry nodded and the paramedic removed the mask. Harry was breathing slowly but normally. Val looked at the paramedic.

'You're good to go man,' the paramedic told him.

'Thank you,' she told them. The paramedic nodded at her and Anne as they packed up their stuff.

'Give him some water and keep him hydrated.' He placed his hand on Harry's shoulder. 'Take it easy okay. Rest.' Harry nodded and they walked out the room.

'Harry,' his mum said softly. Harry looked at his mum and saw how worried she was.

'I'm okay mum really I'm fine.' Anne hugged him and kissed the top of his head. Just then Louis moved closer to them. Harry sensed him near before he actually saw him.

'Is he....' he began to ask but Harry's head snapped up and the look that Harry gave him stopped him dead in his tracks and his words stopped abruptly on his lips. Harry looked angry. Beyond angry. Louis took a step back.

'What the fuck did you try and pull out there huh?' Harry asked him, his voice low and deep, more of a growl. Louis fidgeted nervously with his fingers. Harry hardly ever swore. When he did, it meant he was beyond angry. Louis swallowed.

'I...I...' Harry continued to pin him down with his intense gaze, his green eyes burning holes in Louis.

'Do you know what you almost fucking done?' Harry asked him in his deep low voice. Louis wanted him to just yell and scream at him. Better than using this voice because if he had to admit it, when Harry lost his shit it got ugly and it scared him.

'Yes I do Harry,' Louis replied, his voice trembling. Harry ran a hand though his sweaty messy curls. Val felt the tension between them and she knew that the tables had turned. And this time it was Harry who had the upper hand. The confident, sassy Louis was nowhere to be seen at this very moment.

'Harry,' Val told him quietly, 'how do you feel about what happened?' Harry looked at her then back at his mum, his sister, Robin.

'Did you all know about his plan? Where you all in on it? Did everyone know?' he asked them angrily, not able to disguise his anger any longer. They all nodded. 'And why did nobody fucking stop him?' Harry yelled, his deep voice booming around the room. Louis jumped slightly. Oh yes, Harry was mad and it was all his fault. Again!

'Harry,' Anne said softly trying to calm him down. She knew her son rarely lost his temper but when he did, it was bad.

'What mum? Harry what?' he barked and everyone shied away from him. Anne bit her lip but said nothing further. He pointed his finger at Louis. 'Somebody should've told him it was a fucking bad idea and not encourage him to go through with this insanity!'

'Bad idea?' Louis protested.'Insanity? I planned this for you Harry to show you how much I love you and how sorry I am for everything I have done. I wanted everyone to know about us to show you how serious I am about you and I, and that I don't care what anyone thinks of me but you ruined it for me!' Harry stood up abruptly off the couch and towered over Louis getting in his space, his face in his.

'I fucking ruined it for YOU? Are you fucking kidding me right now? I fixed it just in time. Did you stop for one second to think of the consequences?' he yelled in Louis' face. Louis took a step back. Harry looked away from Louis and turned back to look at his family and Val. 'Did anyone of you even consider telling him what a fucked up idea this was huh? The consequences we would have had to face had he gone through with it? Have you?' His voice was so loud it could probably be heard from outside the room and half way down the corridor!

'It wasn't fucked up!' Louis protested again. Harry turned back him like a feral lion and pointed a finger at him.

'Don't you fucking talk to me right now Louis or I swear to God.....'

'You'll do what huh?' Louis asked him, challenging him, his own voice raising. Val stood up and got in between them. She was small yes but mighty! 

'Okay let's calm down a little bit here okay. Testosterone is running high I get that. Harry, sit down please.' Harry remained standing, glaring at Louis over Val's head. Louis glared back at him. 'Harry please,' Val told him again. Harry stepped down and sat on the couch heavily. Val sat next to him. 'Harry, Louis knew how you felt about being closeted....'

'What Louis does not get is that we are not fucking together any more so what he did was selfish and pointless,' Harry told her, his voice a little calmer but still full of anger. Louis winced. Val nodded in agreement.

'I know that Harry but Louis is trying to get you to see how sorry he is for all that he did and put you through.....'

'And how is this stunt he pulled supposed to help? He wants my forgiveness by outing a relationship that doesn't exist any more?' Harry yelled. He was so angry. He was really angry but he was also hurt too. He was so fucking hurt because why now? Why did Louis have to pull this shit when they were not together anymore and past fixing all that happened between them? Louis felt his heart shatter at Harry's words and the tears sprung involuntarily to his eyes. He quickly brushed them away with the back of his hand. Just then the door opened and Jay poked her head in.

'Louis,' she breathed, 'is Harry alright?' Louis looked at his mum, his lower lip trembling slightly.

'Mum,' he whispered as he felt another tear rim his eyes. Jay walked in and wrapped her arms around his shoulders pulling him to her into a tight hug, cradling her boy against her chest.

'Aww my sweet boy, my boo bear it will be alright honey,' she soothed him as her eyes traveled to Harry who looked very angry. She could almost see clouds of breath puffing out of his nostrils! She looked at Anne who looked devastated. She nodded at her and Anne nodded back. Louis cuddled into his mother's arms, feeling like a little boy seeking comfort in his mum. He hugged her tightly, burying his face in her hair and she felt his chest heave slightly against her. She knew he was crying. 'Shh shh my darling all will be okay.' Jay looked to Val and Anne then at Harry who was still sulking looking angry and pissed off. She couldn't blame him just as she couldn't blame her son for trying. It was hard and difficult for both of them. They had started out so young and had so much put on their shoulders. They went from boys to men, fighting for their love but Jay knew that they were both tired from all the struggles. She was proud of them for keeping it together for so long. They had done such a pretty good job of staying together while being forced apart but the pressure they were under, it was breaking them. It was taking it's toll on them. She and Anne knew all too well what their boys had been through and now, standing in this room together, it felt like their families were falling apart together. She wanted to cry too for this loss that felt so great. They had been a family with Harry's family for all this time and Jay couldn't believe that they were on the verge of losing everything. But they had to be strong for their broken boys. Val looked form Anne to Jay.

'I need to be alone with Harry and Louis for a bit please.' Anne nodded and got up, running her hand gently over Harry's head.

'I love you Harry,' she told him softly. Harry just nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Jay pulled back from embracing Louis and looked into her son's tear stained face. She wiped under his eyes with her thumbs.

'Be brave,' she told him softly. She gave him a kiss on his cheek and walked out followed by Anne, Gemma and Robin. When the door closed after them, Val looked at Louis who looked utterly miserable and deflated.

'Louis sit down,' she told him gently, indicating the other couch across from where they sat. Louis sat, keeping his eyes on the floor. He hated to be so vulnerable in front of them but at this point he didn't care. Everything was catching up to him now and having Harry this mad at him, made it a hundred times worse but he decided that he deserved Harry's wrath so he was going to take it. It was what he deserved. As soon as Louis sat down, Val turned to Harry.

'Is there anything you wan to tell Louis Harry?' she asked him. Harry shot Louis a look and saw him sitting there looking so small and sniffing back his tears like a little child. He chose to hold on to his anger. It was justified right now.

'Not right now no,' Harry said flatly. 'I can't believe what he....'

'I tried to do it for us,' Louis told him in a small choked up voice. Harry glared daggers at him.

'For us?' he spat angrily. 'You did it for you and for your guilty conscience. You always need to have things your way don't you? Do you have any idea what this will start? Our fans are not stupid Louis. They will put it out there. Have you considered that?' Louis shrugged, feeling some of his old self creeping back in. Harry can yell all he want but he will listen to his explanations.

'Let them put it out there. I don't care,' he told Harry. 'They can post videos and trend hashtags. All the better!' Harry snorted.

'Of course you don't fucking care!' Harry yelled. 'You are selfish Louis. All you care about is yourself! You tried to out us when we're not even together any more! There is nothing to out don't you get it? But no you don't! You thought that by saying sorry that everything would be fixed and that I would fall at your feet again as if all that you put me through these past months is nothing. So you decide to out us so you would give me no fucking choice in the matter. You had to do it in front of everyone just so that I wouldn't have a choice but to forgive you for all the hurt and pain and trauma you fucking put me thorough. It doesn't work that way Lou. Coming out shouldn't be a fucking surprise on your partner and in order to come out there has to be a relationship first. Which there isn't one in case you forgot!'

'I tried to do something nice for you!' Louis yelled back, tears still falling from his eyes because Harry's words hurt. They hurt so much but he told himself that he deserves them. Everyone of them. Harry laughed sarcastically.

'Try sending flowers next time,' Harry spat at him. Louis didn't appreciate the fact that Harry was trying to be funny at a moment like this. Harry was never funny. His jokes sucked. Louis moved to the edge of the couch to get closer to Harry.

'You were the one who always wanted to come out and now that I......'

'We are not fucking together anymore!' Harry yelled angrily. 'There is nothing to out Louis!' Louis shrank back once again feeling the pain of Harry's words stab him in the heart. Val saw the shadows of Louis' internal pain splayed out on his face.

'Guys go easy on each other. This is a delicate moment. You are both angry and upset. Don't hurt each other more than you are already hurting individually. You are both carrying a lot of pain inside so don't hurt each other more than necessary. Harry, you have every right to be angry but you two need to talk to each other not yell at each other. Louis' intentions were good just not good timing. He tried to make you happy after all the pain he delivered to you. You have to admire his balls.....' Val stopped suddenly.

'Excuse me?' Louis and Harry both said together, their expressions shocked. Val giggled and covered her mouth with her hand.

'Opps that came out wrong. I'm sure you admired them at some point....God what the fuck I'm rambling. The point is, it took a lot for Louis to try and do this. Maybe it was a good thing you caught wind of it and by the way it was amazing how you deflated it though I'm pretty sure Ellie and Dougie are kinda pissed off at you for giving out the news of their engagement before they had the chance to do it themselves.' Harry ran a hand through his hair.

'Shit! I did didn't I? I need to apologize to them.' Louis smirked at him.

'See? You outed their engagement and nobody is busting your balls!' Harry opened his mouth to reply.

'Hey hey,' Val said, 'there will be no ball busting here okay. Let's see what the situation is on Twitter shall we?' Val took out her phone and tapped her Twitter app. She pursed her lips as she scrolled through her feed.

'Well?' Louis asked impatiently.

'Well your fans are not stupid that's for sure and nothing fucking escapes them,' Val said still scrolling.

'What are they saying?' Harry asked. Val tapped a few tweets showing them pictures of a stunned Harry standing on stage looking at a smiling Louis who was looking directly at Harry singing "Love Me Like You Do."

'Louis serenaded Harry, says@anneleonette. Louis surprised Harry with that song. Was that their coming out says @LolaStyles112. Larry was so real and alive tonight says @DdubsGaPeach34. Larry is fucking real fight me says@Love_Danger28. Then there are those who are calling all this crazy shit and how Larries are delusional trying to turn Ellie and Dougie's engagement announcement into a Larry thing. Larries are insisting it was Louis serenading Harry while antis are saying that Ine Direction played tribute to Ellie and Dougie on their engagement. You are also trending. #LarryIsReal and #LarryLoveMeLikeYouDo. Lots of tweet to @Louis_Tomlinson saying how proud they are of you and how they are all behind you not to mention the few that say "Modest try to cover this one dickheads." Do I need to read more? You guys made it to top Twitter trend once again.' Harry shook his head. Louis smiled faintly at Val.

'Not so bad is it?' he said in a soft voice. Harry raised his head and glared daggers at him again. He thought better than to tell him what was on his mind right then so he bit his tongue, shoving everything he wanted to say to Louis deep down inside. He got up off the couch.

'I have to go. I need to pack,' he told Val. Louis got up too and looked at Harry with wide blue eyes.

'Where are you going?' he asked him.

'To L.A,' Harry replied curtly.

'But you can't go,' Louis said feeling dismayed. He couldn't leave for two months with things between them so broken.

'Watch me,' Harry told him as he walked out the door.

 

TO BE CONTINUED.......


	62. Chapter 62

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning. Woke up nice and early to update the next chapter. I think this is the chapter you have all been waiting for : Louis and Harry talk! The song I used in this chapter is Against All Odds by Phil Collins. You might want to have a tissue ready. All the love, M.

How can I just let you walk away, just let you leave without a trace  
When I stand here taking every breath with you, ooh  
You're the only one who really knew me at all

How can you just walk away from me,  
When all I can do is watch you leave  
Cause we've shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears  
You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now, oh there's just an empty space  
And there's nothing left here to remind me,  
Just the memory of your face  
Ooh take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space  
And you coming back to me is against the odds and that's what I've got to face

 

A knock on the door brought Harry out of his thoughts. He huffed. He wasn't in the mood for company. He was mad at everyone for siding with Louis in his ridiculous plan. He just wanted to be alone and to leave, get away from everyone and just leave. He had two whole months ahead of him to have the mental, emotional and physical break that he so much needed and someone knocking on his door when he felt this fragile and angry was not something he needed. The knocking continued and intensified even, a constant rapping that beat against the inside of Harry's skull. He tossed the few tee shirts he had folded up into the open suitcase and walked over to the door, pulling it open ready to scream at the person who dared to intrude on his alone time. Louis stood out in the corridor still in his concert clothes. He looked at Harry with pleading eyes, nervously rubbing his hands together.

'Can I talk to you please?' he asked him in a soft voice. Harry gulped down the anger that was threatening to burst forth from his lips.

'What do you want Louis? I'm busy packing,' he told him but walked into his room leaving the door open for Louis to follow him inside. Harry was mad at himself even for still not denying Louis anything. Louis eyed Harry's tall frame as he walked before him back to the bed and the open suitcase on it. He looked at Harry and a sharp pain tugged at his heart. He was so beautiful and he was wearing his favorite outfit: a pair of black skinny jeans ripped at the knees and his black sheer shirt hanging loosely over his jeans just brushing his hips, his tattoos all visible underneath it, his hair was damp and his curls hung over his shoulders and he smelt of Hugo Boss! Louis shivered internally. He couldn't lose him! He would do anything to make things right between them.

'How long will you be gone for?' Louis asked him in a small voice. Harry continued to pack trying to ignore the fact that Louis was in the room. He didn't want to look at him. 

'For the whole duration of the break,' he replied dryly. Louis felt his blood turn to ice.

'Two whole months?'

'Yes, two whole months,' Harry replied again, not looking at Louis. Louis fidgeted with his fingers nervously. Two months! No he couldn't. He couldn't leave for two whole months!

'But you promised to come to my Doncaster charity match,' he told him. He knew he sounded a little whiney but this was Harry. He could and would whine for Harry. Harry stopped his packing and finally looked at Louis, his eyes hard on him. He looked so small.

'Well that was before all this shit happened wasn't it? I need to be away from all of this.I have to get away.' Louis took a step closer to the bed. He was feeling nervous about the whole situation. He knew he had fucked up again but he was doing his best to fix it. If only Harry would let him!

'Harry you can't go for two whole months. We have things to work out.' Harry stopped packing again, straightened up and looked at Louis squarely in the eyes.

'There is nothing to workout Louis. I need a break from all of this. From you. I want to go to L.A.' Louis looked at him with wide staring eyes.

'Nothing to work out? How can you say that? Harry I explained everything. I didn't want to leave you......'

'But you fucking did!' Harry yelled. Louis flinched. 'You left me. You left me without a second thought. You left me to protect the band, to protect Zayn, to protect yourself. YOU fucking left ME Louis.' Louis walked closer to the bed. This was it. Harry was going to let him have it and he was going to take it!

'Yes I know Harry and I am sorry. I cannot say how sorry I am. There are just not enough words to say how sorry I am but we can work it out. We can do this. Please stay Harry. Stay with me and we'll work this out.' Harry ran hand through his long hair and let out a frustrated breath trying to calm the raging anger blooming inside of him. Louis had hurt him to the point where he was bitter about it and jealous and those emotions were new to him. He was never an angry person, or a bitter jealous person either but here he was juggling unfamiliar emotions that were only making him want to hit back and hurt Louis. Harry wanted to make him feel his pain.

'I can't stay Louis. There....' Harry paused and looked at Louis, 'there's someone else....' He watched the color drain from Louis' face, his eyes go wide.

'No!' Louis interrupted him horrified by Harry's words. 'You have got to be fucking kidding me Harry. No! Just no!' Harry looked at Louis.

'Oh so its okay for you to have Eleanor but I can't meet somebody right? It's okay for you to fucking leave me for Zayn but I can't be with somebody?' Harry spat at him. Louis felt his whole world spinning off its axis. Harry had someone! No! It wasn't possible. Harry couldn't! He just couldn't!

'Who?' Louis growled out despite his better judgement. He really didn't want to know who it was but he needed to know who this person was that was taking Harry away from him.

'It doesn't matter. Nothing you need to know,' Harry told him dryly as he resumed packing. Suddenly Louis slapped his forehead as it clearly dawned on him.

'Oh my God! It's Nadine isn't it? Why didn't I fucking see it coming! Of course it's Nadine! Bet she made a fucking impression on you didn't she?' Harry looked at him confused.

'What? No its not Nadine what the hell are you on about?'

'Then who Harry? Who?' Louis screamed unable to compose himself further knowing that Harry had somebody, somebody worthy to take him away from him for two whole months. Somebody who was taking his place in Harry's life.

'It doesn't matter,' Harry told him as he continued to pack ignoring the fact that Louis was having a jealous tantrum! Well, good for him! A taste of his own medicine.

'Of course it fucking matters Harry. You...you have someone else and I deserve to know,' Louis told him through gritted teeth, his hands balled into fists.

'You deserve nothing! It's non of your business. We are not together anymore and what I do does not concern you,' Harry told him calmly, putting a pair of folded jeans into the suitcase.

'Where did you have time to meet her huh Harry? When? Was it while you were brokenhearted and she comforted you? Who the fuck is she?' Harry rubbed his temples. Louis' shrill angry voice was giving him a headache.

'I knew him already,' he said by way of explanation. Louis' eyes went wide and large.

'He? It's a him? Oh my God Harry no no no no no. This can't be happening. This can't be fucking happening. Who is he? Do I know him?' Louis asked frantically. Harry watched him as Louis paced the length of the room and back again clearly freaked out by the news.

'Louis calm down.....'

'Don't tell me to fucking calm down Harry. Not when you just told me you have someone else. Who the fuck is he? Do I fucking know him?' Louis yelled. His face was red and his heart was breaking in his chest. His love stood there right before him wearing his favorite outfit telling him that he had someone else and was going to spend their two month break with this someone and it killed Louis on the inside. It wasn't possible! Harry had been his since he was fucking sixteen and Harry had had no one else since then. They had belonged to each other for the past five years and Louis knew that he had fucked things up and he knew that he had broken Harry but their love was supposed to be strong and withstand all this shit. How the fuck did Harry allow himself to be with someone else?

'Yes,' Harry said, 'you know him.' Just then recognition seemed to dawn over Louis' face. He pressed a hand to his mouth in disbelief, willing himself not to cry.

'Oh my God it's Xander isn't it? I fucking knew it! Of course its fucking Xander! He has wanted you since the first day he fucking met you! He was never shy to make it obvious even in front of me the prick! Now he found you weak and vulnerable and he swooped in like a God damn fucking knight in his stupid fucking shining armor and swept you off of your feet! And you fucking let him!' Louis screamed at Harry.

'It's not like that,' Harry said his own voice rising.

'No?' Louis spat at him angrily. 'Then how the fuck is it huh Harry? Tell me how it is Harry!' Harry licked his lips.

'He was there for me through all of this......'

'Did you fucking sleep with him?' Louis yelled him not giving Harry time to explain himself.

'What?' Harry asked completely thrown off.

'Did you fuck him? Or did he fuck you? I bet he fucked you huh cos you're a submissive bottom,' Louis threw at him angrily. He knew he was out of line but he was hurt and angry.

'Go fuck yourself,' Harry told him as he continued to fold his clothes and place them neatly into the suitcase. Louis was beside him in a flash.

'I was ready to out us Harry. I was finally taking a step in the right direction for you and for me and you have been with fucking Xander all along,' Louis yelled, accusing him, the tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

'Just because you were ready doesn't mean that I was,' Harry yelled back. 'You fucking left me Louis remember that. You were the one who always told me that you weren't gay and the whole time you were fucking me! Remember that you were the one who told me time and time again that you would never come out but suddenly you wanted to out us. It was my heart you chose to break time and time again so don't make me out to be the bad guy here.'

'Yes I broke your heart. Yes I fucking chose Zayn over you and I chose the band's nest interests. Does that make it okay for you to run off and go fuck Xander? Is that my fault too now? I have been trying to win you back Harry. I have been trying to show you how sorry I am. I want us back.' Louis choked out the last words.

'And you think its that simple after all you put me through? It's not that simple Louis. I'm broken. I'm broken so bad and I don't think I can be fixed,' Harry told him.

'Do you have feelings for him?' Louis asked him pressing the matter. 'Do you love him?'

'This is not about Xander Louis,' Harry told him. 'Its about me! Me! You change my world when I'm not ready for change and you expect me to be okay and go with it.'

'I was trying to win you back by outing us! You always wanted us to come out and I was going to do it for us,' Louis yelled. His throat was beginning to hurt from all the screaming and yelling but he didn't care. 

'Yes I did want that! When we were together! Before you broke me! Before you didn't choose me! That was what I wanted the most, to be out with you, to be free, to be able to love you without having to hide it like it's some fucking sin. But not like this. Not by you surprising me in front of 90,000 fans and the whole world without me knowing it and without us even being together in the first place. You tried to back me into a corner to get what you want regardless of what I want.'

'Well excuse me for trying to save our relationship,' Louis growled at him. Harry laughed sarcastically.

'Save it? Really? You're the one that destroyed it in the first place Louis. You chose everything and everyone before me how did you expect me to react? You took me for granted. You thought that no matter what you did to me, I would never say no to you but I'm done.'

'I surely not expect you to react by running away to fucking Xander,' Louis spat at him.

'I'm not fucking running away to Xander! I need time to think. I need to be away....'

'From me yes I get it you made that so fucking clear to me. So is this your way of punishing me?' Louis asked him. Harry rolled his eyes.

'I'm not punishing you. I just need to go okay.'

'To Xander!' Louis threw at him and it physically hurt him to say his name, to imagine Harry, his Harry with him.

'Stop bringing Xander up! Xander has nothing to do with this!' Harry yelled.

'Why else would you be fucking running away to L.A then if not to be with that prick?' Harry took in a deep breath trying together some patience which was hard because Louis was being an annoying little shit and Harry wanted nothing more than to get away from him.

'Because Louis, not everything can be on your terms. I am a person. I am me. I can't just dance to your tune whenever you feel like playing it. Xander has been there for me through it all and I owe him a lot, mostly an explanation as to what he is probably seeing on Twitter right now. You put me through so many emotions Louis that I can't keep up with you any more. I'm not ready to talk about this with you at the moment. Just leave me be. Please.' Louis felt as if he had been punched in the stomach. All this was too much. Harry couldn't be done with him! he just couldn't let him go to Xander.

'Harry please,' Louis begged him as he took a few steps towards him but Harry backed up away from him.

'Louis don't!' Harry warned him. He wasn't sure he was strong enough at the moment to resist him and the anger in him was too great. He wasn't going to let Louis coax him with his sweet words and pleading voice. He certainly wasn't going to allow Louis to fix this with sex because it had ended up this way before. 'I need to think. I need to be away from you right now to figure things out. So please just let me go.'

'But why Harry? You need to stay here so we can work through this together,' Louis told him his voice thick with emotion. It was hard to know that Harry was with Xander. He couldn't believe it! It killed him.

'Why? Because you broke me Lou,' Harry said softly trying to reason with him. 'You gave me so many different emotions that I just can't keep up with you. You drive this relationship and I struggle to keep up with you. You ended it with me without even stopping to think about me. You put Zayn first...before ME! And you tried to kill yourself over all of this when you didn't even consider talking to me about it. You tried to kill yourself Lou. You tried to end your life over all this! Is it even worth it? When I found you.....' Harry swallowed thickly. He took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly and Louis knew that Harry was overwhelmed and that he was remembering the night he had found him on the brink of losing his life. He could see the pain on his face, he could see what he had done to him. Harry looked at him. 'You didn't consider me in anything. You made your decisions and you never once considered me. You went on ahead putting Zayn's best interests first when you heard him, he was going to leave anyway to pursue a solo career. You put the band before me. You put the business side of all this first, before me too. I realized then that I am way down in your list of priorities and maybe that's the thing that hurt me the most, knowing that I would have given up everything for you if you just asked me to.'

'So for all that I did, you replace me with Xander? Or were you fucking him already when we were still together?' Louis asked him, his voice full of anger again. He could understand Harry's pain but he could also understand the fear coursing inside of him at the thought of losing Harry to Xander, mostly because he knew that Xander would treat him so much better than he had. Harry looked at him with a hurt expression and his sad green eyes made Louis ache inside.

'I never cheated on you Louis, not once, not ever. I was faithful and loyal to you till the very end but you chose to end it. No one can ever replace you Lou. Xander is a friend.....'

'A friend! Stop fucking saying that!' Louis snorted in disgust. 'Niall is your fucking friend Harry. Liam is your fucking friend! Xander is your friend with benefits. He's your fuck buddy. Is he good huh? Does he make you come like I do? Does he make you scream out like I do? Does he Harry?' Harry felt his cheeks burn hot. He felt a mixture of deep anger and tears ready to burst forth from him. Louis grit his teeth hard together, his fingers curled into tight fists. 'Does he make you feel good like only I can do Harry? Do you scream out his name?' Harry raised his head and looked Louis dead in the eyes feeling furious because Louis was being a dick.

'Yes he does!' Harry screamed at Louis. 'Yes he does Louis. Is this what you want to hear? Yes, he touches me. Yes, he fucks me and makes me come hard. Yes, I scream out his name. Are you happy now? Is that what you fucking wanted to hear?' Louis opened his small mouth in an astonished "O" but he covered it with his tiny fist and Harry hated himself. Why was he trying to break Louis like he broke him? 

'Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God no no no no,' Louis whimpered. 'I thought we were going to work this out. I thought....I thought you were mine for good Harry, that you would eventually forgive me but you fucking let another man into your pants. You whore!' Louis screamed at him. 'You fucking slut!' Each word that left Louis' mouth was like a slap in Harry's face. 

'What do you want from me Louis?' Harry asked him in a tired voice. 'You brought all this on yourself and now you are blaming me for it. This needs to stop. You made your choices and I made mine now you need to let me go.' Louis felt another surge of tears threatening to spill from his burning eyes.

'I can't Harry. I'm too selfish to let you go especially not to fucking Xander!' Harry sighed heavily.

'Well that's too bad because I'm going.' Louis bit his lip hard trying to keep himself from crying. He stomped his foot down heavily, his hands by his sides balled into fists. He could feel his short nails digging into the skin of his palms.

'The girls will never ship you,' he spat at Harry. 'The fans ship Larry. They will never fucking ship Xarry!' Harry looked at him in disbelief and a little amusement. Louis looked like a tiny child sulking and stomping his foot.

'Are you seriously bringing the girls into this?' Harry asked him. Louis lifted his head defiantly and looked at Harry, his blue eyes swimming in unshed tears.

'Yes. Our girls support Larry not fucking Xarry! It will never happen Harry. They never supported Haylor or Hadine or Hendall and they sure as hell they will not fucking support Xarry. They will know its bullshit because that's what this shit is! Its all a lie and a load of bullshit for you to get back at me.' Louis could see a red flush creeping up Harry's neck and right into his face. He knew Harry had reached his limit and was majorly pissed off.

'I don't give a fuck what you or anyone thinks!' Harry yelled, his voice booming around the hotel suite. Louis jumped a little because it was still weird to hear Harry yell so much. 'And don't you fucking bring the girls into this Louis. It's so beneath you. I've had enough of your fucking sassy attitude. Everything in this relationship has been the way you want it, when you want it and however you want it and I went along with it because God I loved you too much to even protest or go against your wishes. I let you have your way. I put up with everything you threw my way because I loved you more than my life itself but enough now! You made choices and so have I.' Harry stopped. He was breathing heavily and his heart was hurting so much.

Louis couldn't help but flinch at the way Harry was using the past tense when talking about them. He could see the tears in his green eyes and he knew that Harry was beyond angry. When Harry yelled and cried at the same time, well that meant that he was really angry and upset. Louis knew he had to let him have this vent. It had been a long time coming and he owed him this much at least. Ever since he had broken them up, Harry had never had a chance to vent his pent up feeling. At least not to him. Louis remained silent so Harry continued:

'Did you ever consider me Lou? For once, did you ever fucking consider me? When you tried to kill yourself, did you stop to think how your death would effect me? No you didn't because you are a selfish prick. When you decided to end our five year relationship for the good of the band and to protect Zayn, did you consider me and how that would break my heart? Have I ever even mattered to you as much as you mattered to me Louis? I would have chosen you over everyone, over everything in a hundred lifetimes. I would always choose you but I wasn't so fortunate as to have you choose me over anything or anyone else. Did you consider me today when you decided you wanted to out us? No you didn't. You only considered yourself.' Harry turned and slammed his fist hard into the wall, cracking the plaster. Louis flinched at Harry's sudden outburst. Harry never lost control! Harry was not a violent being! What had he turned him into? Harry rubbed his red knuckles, biting down hard on his lower lip. Louis could see the tears rolling down his cheeks.

'Harry...I...' Louis began softly but Harry cut him off.

'Louis don't!' Harry snapped at him. 'Just fucking don't okay. I don't need anymore of this.' Harry sat down on the edge of the bed still rubbing his abused knuckles. Louis looked at Harry's bowed head and he knew in his heart that he couldn't lose him no matter what. He loved him too much. Suddenly he felt frantic. Harry was emotionally hurt, an emotional wreck and he was leaving to go to spend two whole months in L.A with Xander. He just couldn't let Harry leave this hotel room or he would lose him forever!

'Harry I'm sorry,' Louis told him softly. Harry looked up at him, his eyes and nose red, tears streaming down his cheeks.

'And how many times have I heard that Lou? How many times have I forgiven you and then you hurt me all over again?' Louis walked over to him. The fight had gone out of Harry and all that was left was a mess of him that he had reduced him to. He crouched down in front of him, taking Harry's injured hand between his. And Harry let him. Louis brought his head down and kissed the bruised knuckles softly. Harry closed his eyes, a soft sob escaping his lips.

'Please Harry don't go. We'll work it out. I'll change I swear to you just please stay.....with me.' Harry shook his head.

'I need to go Lou. I need time. I can't do this right now. I can't handle anything any more Lou. You picked a fine time to try and out us. All that I ever wanted was you and I to be free and out and able to love freely and you had to go and do it when we were broken up.' Harry sobbed, his chest heaving. Louis was becoming desperate. He could feel Harry slipping through his fingers, drifting further away from him and straight into Xander's arms. If Harry walked out of this hotel room and go to L.A where Xander was, he'd lose him for sure. Louis gripped Harry's thighs tightly.

'Please Harry I beg you don't go. Don't...don't leave me now. Please. We'll make it I swear to you. We are us. You and me. Larry fucking Stylinson. We were made to make it just don't leave.' Harry sighed heavily and got up off the bed nearly toppling Louis over. He closed his suit case and threw his shoulder bag over his shoulder. Louis got up and stood before Harry. Harry's eyes were soft on him, no longer angry but sad and deep and ever so soft.

'Lou please let me go. I just need sometime to recover from all that's happened okay.' Harry took two steps towards the door but Louis stepped in front of him stopping him. He stood on tip toes and pressed his lips to Harry's. Harry was caught off guard when he felt Louis' lips on his. He gently pushed Louis off of him. It wasn't going to work. Louis needed to understand that Harry was a person and his feeling were valid and that he had to respect what he needed right now.

'Louis don't,' Harry said quietly, defeated.

'Harry please. I love you so much. Don't leave me,' Louis begged him as he watched Harry walk towards the door. Tears were falling freely onto his pale cheeks now. 'Harry, don't you love me any more?' Louis called out to him in a broken voice. Harry stopped with his hand on the door knob but he didn't turn around.

'I will always love you Louis. Always.' He opened the door and walked out, letting the door fall silently closed behind him, blocking out Louis' heart broken sobs.

 

I wish I could just make you turn around,  
Turn around and see me cry  
There's so much I need to say to you,  
So many reasons why  
You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space  
And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face  
Now take a look at me now, cause there's just an empty space

But to wait for you, is all I can do and that's what I've got to face  
Take a good look at me now, cause I'll still be standing here  
And you coming back to me is against all odds  
It's the chance I've gotta take.

To be continued.........


	63. Chapter 63

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello how are we all today? Are you all okay after chapter 62 because I hardly heard from you guys last chapter and I don't know if you are okay or not after Harry's outburst and all that he said to Louis! Have I lost you? Are you upset? Have you given up on Outing Larry? I hope now. Anyway, here goes the next chapter. All the love, M.

Harry stepped out into the corridor, letting the door to his hotel suite close softly behind him with a gently thud. He let out a long drawn breath that made his lungs burn. As he stood in the silent corridor, he felt the remaining pieces of his heart shatter to fragments and turn to dust in his chest, the emptiness he felt inside him threatening to swallow him whole. He took in a deep breath but just as he did that, he burst into tears, his whole body shuddering with the sobs that escaped his trembling lips. He was feeling too much to pin point that one exact emotion that was rendering him a blubbering, broken mess. His knuckles throbbed painfully from when he had smashed them into the wall in a moment of anger, his head ached and his heart was just trashed in a way that was past ever being fixed again. He couldn't believe that after all that had happened the past few months, Louis had tried to out them when they were too broken up. Louis had tried to prove his love for him in front of the whole world not caring that Modest and Simon would tear him apart and throw him to the dogs. Louis had once again tried to go against everyone for the love of him and somehow Harry wasn't okay with that. Harry knew that there will be consequences. Harry knew that they would make Louis pay for this. He slid down the wall and sat down on the carpeted hallway, drawing his knees up to his chest, arms wrapped around them and buried his face in the crook of his arms as he cried.

Val stepped off the elevator with Shane and Adam and spotted Harry huddled up outside his suite room, huddling his knees to his chest, his face buried in his folded arms, his suitcase and bag all but forgotten.

'Oh my God Harry,' she gasped as she handed Adam to Shane. 'I will be right back love,' she told her stunned wife while running the short distance towards Harry. She crouched down in front of him, her hands on his elbows. 'Harry sweetheart what happened?' she asked him gently.

Harry lifted up his head and looked at Val, his eyes red and puffy and wet. Val felt her heart tighten painfully in her chest at the sight of him. How much more could he endure for love? He had been through so much all for the man that he loved, yet here he was a broken, crying mess. He surely didn't deserve all this. Harry just wasn't made to cry! He just wasn't! He deserved to be happy and to enjoy life. Life just owed him much kindness because all he gave was kindness and yet here he was, once again reduced to tears. Didn't someone say that you got back what you put out into the world? So why was Harry getting all this pain when all he put out was love and kindness?

Harry sniffed and threw his arms around her neck, pulling her in between his long legs hugging her to his chest. Val ended up on her knees, in between his legs crushed to his chest. She let him hug her, trying to soothe him the best she could as she felt him sob against her. She ran a hand down the length of his hair softly.

'Shh shh Harry it's okay hun. Whatever it is, its going to be okay. You can make it this time too. You are such a strong person Harry.' Her words only seemed to make him sob harder.

'It will never be okay,' he sobbed in her neck. 'I...I don't know what to do anymore Val.'

By now Val knew their story very well and she could understand what he was saying. Things between him and Louis were pretty broken and it seemed impossible for them to work it out and fix it. It seemed too far gone. Harry loved Louis with a love so intense, it could burn out the sun and drown the whole world but Louis had hurt him a lot and pain changed people. It made you close up and not trust anyone and build walls around you to protect your heart from further pain. Pain made Louis and Harry face a different version of the reality they once held dear and which was familiar to them. Louis was Harry's home so where do you go when your home was all broken and burnt down? Harry felt homeless and he was scared now and afraid to even let Louis anywhere close to him and Val couldn't blame him for that. Heartache was not a nice feeling. On one hand Val knew that Harry wanted to be back together with Louis but on the other hand he couldn't fully trust him again. Val knew what Louis had put Harry through and that Louis was the selfish one out of both of them but he didn't love Harry any less. His deep love for Harry was what had made him selfish. In this relationship, Harry was the giver and Louis was the taker and Louis took from Harry all that Harry gave willingly. And Harry had nothing else to give at this point. He had run dry and was running on empty.

Val pulled back from Harry's tight hug and looked down at him. She couldn't bear to see him like this anymore. She knew that Louis had been hurting too, was still hurting but something about Harry just made him too vulnerable and more prone to be broken than Louis. Val put her finger under his chin and lifted his face up to meet her gaze.

'Harry what do you need the most right now?' Val asked him softly. She had to tread carefully with him, gently. He sniffed back more tears that were slipping out of his eyes uncontrollably.

'I...I need to...to go. I need to...to get away from him for a w-while...b-but I'm w-worried,' he stammered out.

'What are you worried about honey?' Harry swallowed thickly.

'I...I'm w-worried he...he might hurt himself again because I...I need t-to go and b-because of w-what I did.' Val grabbed his sagging shoulders and shook him a little.

'He won't Harry. I will make sure of it. I promise you. If you need to go, if it will do you good to leave for a while, then you need to do it. I will be here for Louis okay. I will fucking slap the cuff on him again and follow him like his damn shadow if needs be. I promise you Harry he will not hurt himself again as long as I draw breath. 'Harry looked down away from her eyes as if ashamed.

'I...I lied to him,' he admitted softly.

'About what?' Val asked him. Harry bit his lower lip and kept his eyes cast down.

'I...I told him t-that there is more between Xander and I...t-that Xander and I are intimate.' Val took in a sharp intake of breath and covered her mouth in shock horror.

'Oh Harry no. No love!' she told him unable to hide the chagrin in her voice. Why would he do such a thing? Harry's eyes filled with tears again, the guilt of what he had done eating him up inside. He finally met her gaze, his green eyes shining with tears.

'I know what I said to him is wrong b-but I wanted to hurt him. I...I wanted to make him f-feel some of the pain he...he has caused me. Val, I fucking stayed faithful to him even though he left me, even though everyone else came before me for him. I have never done anything to hurt him and I...I need to hurt him Val so he can feel what I've been feeling. I need him to feel what I have been feeling for a bit. Is that so wrong? Yes I know it is and I know I'm a dick for having said that to him but he made me so angry in there that I...I just...I didn't have any control over myself and I just spit them out hoping to hurt him and shut him up, stop him hurting me.' Val gave him a sympathetic smile. She understood what he had tried to do, still Louis was in a very delicate situation and she was afraid that this would devastate him. Harry being with someone else was not something Louis could handle. Val cupped Harry's wet cheek in her warm palm.

'Oh honey I know what you're trying to say but you can't lie to him about such matters Harry. You can't tell him that you and Xander....' Val let it hang in the air. She gently stroked his cheek. 'Harry, Louis can't handle you being with another man. He hardly handled you being with a beard let alone with another man and Xander above all. That was like his worst nightmare and you just made it come true for him.' Harry blinked at her, tears falling from his eyes.

'But I have nothing to hurt him back with. I've never done anything to hurt him, ever,' he told her, his voice wavering.

'I know Harry love but you have to tell him that its not true. The thought of you being with Xander for these two whole months will torture him. You have to come clean with Louis Harry.' Harry looked at her with puppy eyes.

'Can't you tell him for me? He will hate me,' he told her a pout forming on his lips. Val smiled at him.

'That's your truth to tell Harry, your sin to confess not mine and I sincerely doubt you could do anything that will make Louis hate you. He will be mad at you for sure. He will cuss you and sass the fuck out of you, but he will never hate you. That's impossible.' Harry gave her a faint smile and pulled her once again into a tight bear hug, her knees hitting the floor hard.

'Thank you Val for everything you do for us.' Val hugged him back.

'You are most welcome. Now go and enjoy your break. Do some soul searching, some yoga and mediation, read, relax and whatever it is you need to do to sort out what you are going to do next. I will always be just a phone call away if you need me okay.' She pulled away from the hug and got up, holding her hand out for Harry which he took and she helped haul him up even though his weight nearly toppled over. She put her hands on her hips and looked at Harry. 'Now, I need to go and talk to Louis. God help me.'


	64. Chapter 64

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning and Happy Sunday. Happy Sunday indeed after waking up at 4 am, making a strong coffee and waiting to see Harry on SNL. Worth the wait. He is so amazing and beautiful and I really love him. Did y'all like Watermelon Sugar? I love it and I can't wait for the album. I'm counting down the days. Anyhoo, thank you so much for still being here with me and still enjoying the fic. So here goes another chapter for all you lovely people. Also, before I go, if you haven't yet read Take Me To Church by @wicked_archer then what the hell are you waiting for? Go read it. READ. THE. WARNINGS! Consider yourself warned! All the love, M

Louis stood frozen in the middle of the room, staring at the closed door that had just separated him from his Harry. Harry had just walked away from him without a second glance back in his direction and Harry had left him to go and spend the next two months with his new man. Louis sank to his knees and looked at the door as if expecting it to open again and for Harry to walk back in and take him into his arms and kiss him and tell him that he loved him and wanted only him but Louis knew that the harsh reality was that Harry had walked out of his life. He had walked away from him and straight to Xander. He couldn't believe that Harry had chosen to walk out of his life and there was nothing he could do to fucking change it! After all of this, Louis knew that they probably wouldn't even be friends. How could he be friends with Harry while Harry was with Xander? How could he stand to see Xander come at their shows and then Harry BE with Xander? Louis gripped his hair and tugged. Suddenly Louis remembered a song that he had been writing for Harry about their break up and how he couldn't come up with the chorus to it and now, in this brief moment of clarity when he realized that Harry was no longer his, that Harry had decided to walk out of his life, the chorus came to life in his head:

 

Oh, why you wearing that to walk out of my life?  
Oh, even though it's over you should stay tonight  
If tomorrow you won't be mine  
Won't you give it to me one last time?  
Oh, baby, let me love you goodbye

 

It echoed in his head over and over again. He shut his eyes and placed both his hands over his ears to try and drown out those words that stabbed at him mercilessly in the core of his dead and broken heart. How was his heart even still beating? It should've stopped the moment Harry walked out the fucking door! It couldn't beat without Harry! He had lost him! Harry had had enough and he had found someone who cared for him and treated him the way he should be treated, someone who put him first, someone who wasn't afraid to show the world they were with Harry no matter what the world thought of them! Harry was with someone who wasn't a coward! Images flashed behind Louis' closed eyes. Images of Harry and of Xander, together, laughing and having fun, of a happy relaxed Harry, images of Xander undressing Harry slowly to savor that beautiful pale, tattooed skin that had belonged to him but which he had given up and now Harry had allowed Xander to touch and make his own. He imagined Harry's face screwed up in pleasure as he orgasmed, a face only ever he had gotten to see because only he had ever made Harry feel that way but now Xander would get to see that beautiful face and hear the soft beautiful sounds that Harry made as he came because Harry allowed Xander to pleasure him. He imagined Xander taking care of Harry afterwards as he came down from his high. Did Xander know that Harry loved to be held afterwards? Did Xander know how to hold him gently and softly and kiss his face as Harry came back to him? He felt jealousy burn in his veins like acid at the thought that Xander got to see soft Harry, sleepy Harry as he snuggled beneath the duvet and fell asleep, that Xander got to see Harry waking up to greet a brand new day, his eyelashes fluttering as he yawned and stretched!

Louis' eyes flew open and the tears rushed out of his eyes, trying to dispel the images that were imprinted in his brain. He wrapped his arms around his mid-section and he rocked back and forth on his knees.

'No no no no no no no,' he whimpered to himself. 'Harry no no no please no. Don't let this happen. Don't let him. Don't let him. You're mine. You're mine baby you're mine. Please don't let him!' Louis bent over double feeling sick at the thoughts in his head and the images his mind kept playing up and throwing at him relentlessly all involving a happy Harry with Xander. He knew it was all his fault but deep down he had never once thought that Harry would allow anyone else as close to him as he had been. Deep down he thought that Harry would not move past him on to someone else so this new version of Harry did not sit well with Louis.

He got up suddenly and rushed into the en suite bathroom in Harry's bedroom on shaky legs. He bent over the toilet and heaved. Nothing much came out of his stomach but his stomach kept contracting and Louis kept heaving his dryness into the toilet, making his throat burn. When his stomach finally decided that there was nothing else to bring up, the contractions stopped and Louis stood up and flushed the toilet. He walked over to the sink and his reflection stared back at him. His fringe stuck to his sweaty forehead, his eyes were red rimmed and he looked haggard and sad and tired. He looked pitiful and he hated the man staring back at him with vacant eyes. He hated the man that had broken the love of his life and drove him into the arms of another man.

Louis opened the tap and splashed cold water on his face and into his mouth, washing out the foul taste in his mouth. He pushed back the fringe off of his forehead and took in a few deep breaths but nothing helped to ease the pain in his chest. He walked out into Harry's bedroom and sat down on the carpeted floor, his back against the bed and looked out the open balcony doors. The smell of Harry's cologne lingered in the room, the same room where Harry had just hit him with an ugly, hurtful truth. Harry now belonged to someone else. Their fairy tale was now over and doomed. Louis felt tired. Not the kind of tired that demanded sleep but the kind of tired that his soul demanded release.

 

 

xxx

 

 

Val opened the door to Harry's suite and peeked inside. Her heart was beating very fast in her chest as she was hit by a sense of deja vu'. She stepped inside and closed the door behind her.

'Louis,' she called softly but there came no answer. Her heart beat spiked and her breath caught in her throat as she walked inside the suite. 'Please let him be safe,' she whispered to herself.

'Louis I know you're in here please talk to me,' she said in a trembling voice. Still nothing. Val could feel the blood rush down to her toes making her feel dizzy. Fear gripped her insides and she wanted to cry desperately. Not again! Please not again! She wished she hadn't taken off his ankle monitor especially now when she needed it the most. She continued to walk inside the suite with bated breath afraid of what she might find. Louis had promised. He had promised her and Harry that he would keep himself safe. She looked around the living room but it was empty. Her heart was beating so fast it was causing her physical pain. She could feel the tears stinging her eyes.

She slowly walked into the bedroom and she saw him...sitting on the floor, his back against the bed, just looking out the open balcony doors.

'Louis,' she called out softly but he made no response, no movement. She walked over to him and crouched down beside him giving him a quick once over. There was no blood on his person or on the cream carpet beneath him and no empty pill bottles beside him. His eyes were open and he was breathing softly but steadily. Val let out her breath in grateful relief, which she only realized now she had been holding for fear of what she might find.

'Didn't you hear me calling you?' she asked him, her voice barely above a whisper. Her throat hurt from the lump that was stuck there. 'You scared the shit out of me Louis.' Still he didn't move an inch. He just starred blankly ahead.

'Sorry,' he whispered. Val sat down beside him.

'Do you want to talk about it?' she asked him. Val just wanted to wrap him in her arms and hug him tightly but she didn't dare. Would he even let her comfort him that way? Louis was not as openly affectionate as Harry.

'No,' he simply replied. Val took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

'Louis, I know what happened is hard on you but believe me it's equally hard on Harry...'

'Yeah I can see how hard it is since he's been with Xander this whole fucking time,' he snapped at her. Good. Val wanted him to react. Better than keeping it all inside where it would fester and kill him slowly. She wanted to tell him so much that Harry had lied but she couldn't. Harry had to be the one to tell him and make it right with him. Still, she could deflate it as much of it as she could.

'As far as I'm concerned they're only friends,' she told him non-chalantly.

'Yeah friends with fucking benefits,' Louis scoffed. He paused and she watched him struggle with his emotions. When he had somewhat composed himself he told her: 'I...I just can't think of Xander touching him and...and being with him intimately. God no! No!' he said his voice breaking.

'Then don't!' Val snapped at him. 'Don't think of Harry that way Louis. He loves you!' Louis looked at her with tears in his eyes.

'Of course he loves me. He loves me like he loves Liam and Niall. He's not in love with me anymore Val. I saw it in his eyes today. It's all gone. The way he used to look at me with that fond in those green eyes of his, the adoration he had for me, the love, its all gone and its all my fault. I broke him. I hurt him time and time again. I pushed him till he couldn't be pushed anymore. He was right. I never considered him in any decision or action I ever took. I took him for granted. I drove him into Xander's arms. Xander has always loved him and I gave Harry away to him. I fucked up everything.'

'Louis, Harry will never fall out of love with you,' Val told him firmly. She had to make him believe this but with all that Harry had told him, it was hard. Louis looked back out of the balcony doors.

'Maybe he should. I don't deserve him anyway. He's too good for me. Maybe Xander can love him better, the way he deserves to be loved. I shouldn't be mad at him for being with Xander. Xander is always so good to him, treats him delicately and always puts him first and considers him before anything else. I put the band before him. I fucking put Zayn before him too and they fired him anyway because he was in a relationship with Liam and the fucker was leaving anyway so I didn't do him any favors. I put my own sorry ass before him because I'm afraid of being slandered. I should have never left him. I should've fought harder for him and put him first. I'm just a piece of shit who does nothing but hurt him repeatedly.' Val sighed and slowly reached out and uncertainly took his hand in hers. And Louis let her.

'No one can love Harry better than you do Louis. You two are soulmates. All you need to do is change your attitude a little and win him back.' She had to push him in the right direction. She might not be able to tell him the whole story as it was but she could help push him towards Harry again. She saw him furrow his brow.

'What do you mean?' he asked her confused.

'Well since he is the love of your life, he is your beginning and your end and all the in betweens. He should be the main focus of your life and all that you do should really revolve around him. Thus, when you make any kind of decisions, besides the fact that you should always talk to him about it, you must put him first. He comes first in your life Louis. And that's why Harry is very hurt by all of this. It's not that he doesn't understand how Simon and Modest pushed you into a corner, he does really but what kills him is that you put him last. That in all of this he was considered as the last option, the least of your options even. You took him for granted Louis. All that you did to him and he stayed. He stayed loyal to you. He stayed true to you. He sucked it all up and tried to be brave because he loves you so much and let's admit it, you gave him a lot of shit and he simply adored you through it all. Maybe you could start doing what's in his best interest for a change.'

'Like how?' Louis asked her. 'Its too late now.' Val smiled at him.

'It's never too late in love Louis. Never. You know how your drinking and weed smoking effects him. Have you ever tried quitting for him? Besides quitting becasue it's bad for your health, have you once considered quitting for him? You know how upset he gets when you lose your temper with him and you cuss him out even though he tries not to show you how it hurts him? Have you ever tried working on your temper and be more patient with him? Try maybe to see what upsets him and try to avoid doing it? You know how it kills him when you get jealous and accuse him of being with someone else? Have you ever stopped to think that Harry only ever wanted you and you alone? Harry is a pure soul Louis, a real genuine soul who loves you very much. He would never do anything to hurt you. Think about that!' Louis' face clouded over at Val's words, his eyes shining with unshed tears.

'What's the use now? He is with Xander. He's not in love with me anymore and he will never forgive me.' Val squeezed his hand tightly.

'Never is a very final word to use when its regarding Harry and forgiveness. Your story is not yet finished Louis. You two have not written your book yet. It's never too late to start a new chapter. You can always try and win him back. Make him fall in love with you all over again hmm?' Val told him, giving him a wink. Louis chewed his bottom lip.

'If he's happy with Xander, I don't want to ruin that for him. I can't ruin anymore of his life Val. At least I can let him live happily with someone who loves him.' Val rolled her eyes at him.

'You can be really daft twat sometimes Louis Tomlinson. I never took you for a fucking quitter. How can you be so blind? You are his happiness. You are his home. Trust me. Woe him back and he will let you. Harry is an old fashioned romantic. You have the charm, sweep him off his fucking feet.' Val nudged him with her shoulder. 'I can give you a few tips if you want. Shane wooed me to the moon and back and there is nothing nicer than feeling loved, appreciated and made to feel like you matter.' Louis wiped his eyes, rubbing his face along the way then he looked at Val.

'Are you going to charge me extra for tips or?' he asked her, a small smile tugging at the corners his lips. Val slapped his thigh playfully.

'Asshole. Go to your family Louis. They are here to spend a few days with you. And I need to spend a few days with my wife and son and where better to do it than in Dubai? I might need you to babysit though. I need some private time with my gorgeous wife,' she told him as she got up off the floor. Louis followed her suit.

'Yeah sure rub it in,' he told her playfully but the hurt was evident in his voice. 'I'd love to babysit Adam for you guys. He can play with Doris and Ernie.' Just then Louis surprised Val by hugging her to him tightly. 'Thank you. Thank you so much,' he told her. Val smiled and hugged him.

'Anytime Lou. Start thinking about how you're going to win your man back!'


	65. Chapter 65

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning. Happy Saturday. Here we go with more updates for you guys. Enjoy. Would love to hear from you. All the love, M.

Week one into the break:

 

This time, This place  
Misused, Mistakes  
Too long, Too late  
Who was I to make you wait  
Just one chance  
Just one breath  
Just in case there's just one left  
'Cause you know,  
you know, you know

 

Harry had been gone for a week already and now Louis was on a plane back home. The past week he a had spent it with his family and Val and Shane in Dubai. It had been easy to forget for a while all that had happened between him and Harry, surrounded by the love of his family and friends. For long periods of time he could forget the pain or more likely the pain was numbed by his mother and grandfather and his six siblings. He had missed his family so much. He especially spent a lot of time with the little ones, Doris and Ernie. They were growing up so fast and he was missing out on all of it so he took this time to focus on them, play with them, take care of them and spoil them rotten. And Jay, even though she didn't believe in spoiling children, had let him. She knew that her son was hurting and nursing a broken heart and she wasn't going to begrudge him spoiling his siblings if it served to lessen his pain. She knew that there was something else, a fresh new pain. She could see etched on his face but Louis hadn't told her anymore and she didn't push him into telling her. He will in his own time, when he was good and ready.

Val and Shane had gotten along very well with his family and Adam had been quite happy to spend time with his youngest twin siblings. Louis had baby sat all three of them while his mother, Dan, Shane and Val had gone out on dates. He knew perfectly well that his mother was picking Val's brain to try and find out how her son was doing, what the damage was, how he was coping, what had happened to him lately but he was safe knowing that Val would not reveal anything he didn't want his mother to know and would only tell her the necessary things to put her mind at ease.

Louis had been happy to sit by the pool, sip a beer and watch his happy family enjoy the life he could so easily offer them. He watched as the twins Daisy and Phoebe splashed in the pool, Fizzy sunbathing, his mum and Dan with Doris and Ernie in the kiddie pool, Lottie who was somewhere with her boyfriend Tommy and he felt a surge of love for them fill him up and dull out the pain. He was content that he could treat them all to this life especially his mother. He remembered how much his mother had sacrificed to raise them all and Louis just wanted to give back.

He had tried not to think too much about Harry. Two days ago he had said goodbye to Anne and Robin who had stayed on for a few days at the insistence of Jay. She and Anne were really close and they had missed each other very much. Louis knew that they were both hurting for their separation too and it killed him that their families were hurting as well. Anne had hugged him really tightly and told him not to lose faith in Harry, that Harry will always always love him no matter how hard the situation right now might be right now and Louis had wanted to cry in her arms because this was Harry's mum and he loved her just like his own. Robin had clapped him on the back and told him simply that love always finds its way back to love. Gemma had left right after the concert. As soon as she saw how her brother had been rendered yet another mess at his hands, she just flew back home and not said one word to him. And Louis could understand that! He had hurt her brother constantly, time and time again. Maybe Gemma will be happy that Harry is with Xander now. Maybe she will get along better with Xander because Xander treated Harry better than he ever had.

But at night, when his parents where in their own room, his siblings all tucked in bed and he returned to his empty suite, it was then that the real torment began. It was then that Harry came back to life in his memory and tormented Louis while his mind conjured up images of Harry in Xander's arms, Xander's hands all over him, caressing him, loving him. He had cried himself to sleep every single night, calling out for Harry in the dark of night but Harry never came.

 

As soon as the plane landed in Heathrow, all Louis wanted was to get home. The home he still shared with Harry. He was a bit reluctant to go back there but he figured that he had enough memories of Harry in his head that a few more connected to the house they had once called home weren't going to hurt him anymore than he already was.

A chauffeured car was waiting for him outside Heathrow Arrivals. He was pleased to see that there were a few fans waiting for him (he secretly wondered how was it that they always knew what time they were coming in and the exact day since they never made it public!) and that made him happy. He stopped to take pictures and sign autographs, then he was on his way. By the time he got home it was dark and it was raining softly. He had landed to dreary London weather, gray and leaden with heavy clouds. He walked round to the back of the house, the rain softly falling on him, such a contrast to the hot, sunny Dubai weather. He unlocked the back door and walked into the familiar kitchen. A pile of mail lay on the Welcome Home mat. Louis smiled when he remembered how Harry always gave such importance to small details....like a welcome home mat! He dragged in his luggage, picked up the mail and took off his shoes behind the back door like it was customary in the Styles-Tomlinson household. Louis placed the mail on the kitchen island and walked to the electric kettle, filled it with water and switched it on. He took out his Manchester United mug and popped in a tea bag. He had missed his Yorkshire tea! The house was silent like a tomb. He felt the need to call out to Harry informing him that he was home even though Harry was not here but it was something he always did when he got home: call out to Harry 'honey I'm home!' Louis sighed and took out his phone from his back pocket. He had a few messages from his mum asking if he had arrived safely and thanking him for the millionth time for the lovely holiday. A message from Val telling him that if he needed her she was just down the road. Louis continued to scroll looking for one message that said "Harry" but there was none. A week had gone by and Harry had not so much as sent him one lousy message. It hurt but Louis knew that Harry wanted out.

The kettle boiled and he poured his tea. Once it was done, he went into the lounge and turned on the telly. Ah it was good to be back home! Louis put his feet upon the coffee table and rested his back against the cushions then tapped his Twitter icon on his phone. He felt like a fan! This past week, Twitter had been the only way he could see what Harry was up to. Fan and paps posted pictures of Harry and he had stalked his account like crazy. He had seen a few pictures of Harry out and about in L.A mostly by himself and that pleased Louis. One day last week some fans had taken pictures of Harry out at a restaurant with Jeff and some of their friends, among them Xander. Fucking Xander! Louis didn't miss the fact that while walking out of the restaurant, Xander had his hand on Harry's lower back! The thoughts that assailed him after that nearly drove him to drink himself blind, imaging Harry going back to Xander's rented beach house in Malibu because he could not imagine Harry taking Xander to their house in L.A and let Xander fuck him in their own bed! He refused to believe that Harry would allow that! Or would he? His stupid brain spat at him. Still, Louis had stayed sober and hadn't drowned out his sorrow by getting shit faced. He was trying to be better.

He continued to scroll through Twitter but there were no more new pictures of Harry. He had been M.I.A for three days now. What had Val told him on the day that Harry had left for L.A? To win him back and make him fall in love with him again. Louis thought he might give it a go. After all he had nothing more to lose. He had already lost everything! He tapped on his text message app and went to a blank new message.

 

[To Harry]

Hey how's your break going? I just got home. Raining as usual. Everyone had a great time in Dubai even your mum and Robin. I saw them before they left. The house is so quiet. I miss you Harry I really do.

 

Louis stared at the message and hesitated. He knew was making himself vulnerable chasing someone who didn't want him anymore but he had to try. Yes, Harry had someone else and this message wasn't going to change anything but he couldn't just let him go without trying. He hit send and watched as the message said delivered. He put the phone on the arm of the couch next to him and tried to focus on the sports news playing on the telly. He didn't remember at what point he had dozed off but when he woke up and looked at his phone, he saw that he had been asleep for three hours and there was still no message from Harry.

 

That I love you  
I have loved you all along  
And I miss you  
Been far away for far too long  
I keep dreaming you'll be with me  
and you'll never go  
Stop breathing if  
I don't see you anymore

 

 

3 weeks into the break:

 

On my knees, I'll ask  
Last chance for one last dance  
'Cause with you, I'd withstand  
All of hell to hold your hand  
I'd give it all  
I'd give for us  
Give anything but I won't give up  
'Cause you know,  
you know, you know

 

Harry adjusted his laptop on the breakfast bar and pulled out a stool. He set his tea beside the laptop and began to click on the keys. Nothing was happening and he was getting frustrated. Just then Xander walked into the kitchen, sleepy eyes puffy, hair dishevelled, barefooted and wearing only a pair of boxer shorts. He stopped in his tracks when he saw Harry sipping his tea and tapping on the keyboard.

'Harry, its 3 am. What are you doing up?' Harry gave Xander a small smile.

'Louis' charity match starts in half an hour and I can't find the live stream to it,' he told him without looking up from the laptop. Xander walked over to him and rested his elbow on the breakfast bar and leaned into it, looking at Harry with sleepy eyes.

'You're gonna watch the match even though you said you wouldn't,' Xander told him with a smile on his face. It wasn't a question but a statement. Harry looked at him guiltily then looked back down at his tea.

'I was supposed to be there. I promised him I would but I didn't know that all of this would happen,' he said quietly. Xander ran his hand gently up and down Harry's back.

'It's okay Harry. For the past three weeks he's been relentlessly texting you like a mad man and leaving you voice messages and you never replied to any of them. I know the guy doesn't like me much especially now. I'm thinking now he hates me with a passion since you told him I've been inside your pants but I have to give it to him, he's trying to make amends and he's relentless about it. He's trying so hard and you are just ignoring him while pining over him like a schoolgirl. As much as I hate to say this, but I know I don't stand a chance with you and I'm glad we talked about it and I'm okay with being your friend, so as your friend, can't you just forgive him and kiss and make up? You know you want to so why not stop torturing yourself over it?' Harry kept his eyes on the laptop before him.

'It'snot that easy,' Harry told him defensively. 'And I already apologized for dragging you into it and I will apologize as much as I need to. I'm sorry I can't be more to you. I wish I could. I mean, you're an incredible guy and I would be lucky to have you and I know you would treat me good but you're my best friend Xander and I love you. And you're supposed to help me.' Xander chuckled.

'Help you make your man hate me anymore than he already does? Help you find a live stream to his charity football match? Help you get him back? What kind of help do you need?' Harry rolled his eyes at Xander being dramatic but smiled anyway.

'You're full of shit and Louis doesn't hate you.' Xander pulled the lap top towards him and began clicking away.

 

'Oh yes he does hate me Harry and you know it. I am his arch enemy and he is trying to win you back while thinking we are in a relationship. He's got guts! Give the guy a break. How long are you going to make him grovel and pay for it?' Xander pushed the laptop towards Harry again. 'There. Whenever you want something always go on Twitter and find your fans. They tweet everything even links of live streams.' Just then the screen was filled with a shot of the Doncaster football pitch and players walking onto the pitch. And then he saw Louis and his breath hitched and his heart pounded furiously in his chest. He felt his cheeks burn. He looked beautiful in white shorts and white jersey, holding a little girl and a little boy's hands as they walked out onto the field. Xander grabbed Harry's cheek fondly.

'Aww look who's fan girling!' Harry swatted his hand away.

'Shut up Alexander.' Xander laughed as he poured himself a cup of tea.

'Admit it H, you're still in love with him. You declined my advances for him. I made a fool of myself trying to win you over and you destroyed those carefully constructed advances as if they were nothing. All for him. Because your heart is taken by him. He has it.' Harry said nothing just watched the screen as Louis went to sit down with the other players.Then the fans present in the football ground began singing "No Control" and the cameras focused on Louis and he was smiling brightly and happily and Harry's heart just wanted to fly out to him and wrap him in his arms. Xander noticed the sad look on Harry's face. He wrapped an arm around his shoulder.

'Harry why are you hurting yourself like this? I have to admit that he's trying really hard to win you back. And the choices he made, well don't let your ego over rule your heart. It will never win. He tried to protect everyone assuming that you would always be there, that you'd know it was all a scam Harry. He has a lot of faith in you but it kinda back fired on him.' Harry kept his eyes on the screen as he watched Louis play. Then he got up off the stool and closed the laptop shut.

'He made his bed now he can lie in it,' Harry told Xander sulking and pouting as he began to walk out of the kitchen.

'No Harry he made his bed and you're rolling around in it. Don't be stubborn you asshole!' Xander called after him. Harry rushed up to his (and Louis') room and slammed the door closed behind him. He crawled onto their big bed and grabbed his phone off his night table. He noticed that he had a new voice message. The time was forty five minutes ago. He tapped in his code and listened.

 

'Hey Harry, its my big match today. I'm feeling kinda nervous if I'm to be honest. Have a meet and greet with some fans in VIP before the match. I was so happy to see so many of them out there who came to support me. I wish you were here Haz. I miss you. Well I have to go. Going out soon. Bye.' The message ended and Harry stared at his phone and the deep longing came back, the longing for his Louis, the burning ache in his chest from missing him too much. He lay on his side, facing Louis' side of the bed, his hand flat on Louis' pillow. He curled up into a fetal position and replayed all the voice messages he had received from Louis during the past three weeks, letting his sweet voice lull him to sleep.

 

That I love you  
I have loved you all along  
And I miss you  
Been far away for far too long  
I keep dreaming you'll be with me  
and you'll never go  
Stop breathing if  
I don't see you anymore

 

 

5 weeks into the break:

 

The club was packed. The music was pounding. Val and Shane danced on the dance floor their bodies squashed together moving to the rhythm of the music. Louis made his way through the crowd over to them.

'Do I need to get you two a room?' he asked them smirking at them. Before they could reply he motioned for them to follow him. 'Come on we have another round of drinks. Soon we have to leave so I can make my fucking pap walk.' They squished their way through grinding sweaty bodies to the back of the club to their tables. Louis' friends Oli, Cal and Stan where there along with a string of girls sitting on their laps, laughing and drinking. Val looked at Louis.

'Who are they?' she asked him as she took a sip of her beer. Louis shrugged.

'Just some random girls my mates always pick up then when the pictures are taken I'm supposedly to be dating and fucking all of them.' He took a swig of his drink.

'Are you drinking?' Val asked him. Louis smiled at her and shook his head.

'No Val its a non-alcoholic drink. I haven't had a drink in five weeks.' Val smiled broadly at him and wrapped one arm around his waist and hugged him.

'That's my boy,' she told him proudly. 'I'm so proud of you.' Louis grinned down at her.

'You better not hug me in public unless you want to end up on Twitter and labeled as my next girlfriend! The mystery brunette dating Louis Tomlinson! I don't particularly want your wife on my ass. Did I ever tell you that Shane scares me?' Val burst out laughing.

'My Shane? Aww she's a big softie like your Harry.' She stopped when she saw his face go serious. 'Hasn't he replied?' she asked him. Louis smiled faintly, a sad little smile.

'Not once. I sent him lots of texts and voice mails but nothing. Guess he's happy with Xander and has moved on.' Louis looked down at his drink, trying to stop the tears that were coming.

'Hey,' Val told him, 'don't assume anything. All you know is that he didn't reply. You don't know the reason behind his silence okay. Don't make up things in your head. And never assume. When you assume you are mostly wrong in those assumptions.' Louis looked at her, his eyes sad.

'How can I win him back when he won't even give me a chance?' Val squeezed his arm.

'Well you're going back to L.A next week no? Make sure to go ready to win him back Louis. Don't give up and don't let him go.' Louis shrugged.

'I'll make one final attempt. If I don't get a reply, I will just go to the house to pick up my stuff and that will be it. Five weeks Val and not a word from him. Not a text. Nothing. Guess Xander is keeping him occupied.' Val saw him shudder. Just then Louis' handler came up to them.

'Ready to go?' he asked Louis and Louis nodded.

'What do I do?' Louis asked him. The handler placed a hand on his shoulder.

'Just get in the van with the girls. Be seen with them. Then back to the hotel. Make sure you make an entrance. Let them get pictures okay.' Louis nodded and began walking behind his handler, his mates and girls crowding around him, touching him. Val and Shane had their own car waiting to take them back to the same hotel. As soon as they emerged from the club, they saw Louis switch off and switch on his persona, smiling and laughing, flirting with the girls and joking with his mates as they all packed up in a van. He was even joking with the paps. The van closed and took off, speeding down the road. Val and Shane's car was right behind them. In less then ten minutes they stopped in front of a lavish five star hotel. As soon as Val came out of the car she heard Louis' voice yelling angrily:

'Its your job. It's your fooking job you fooking loosah.'

'Shit,' Val said to Shane, 'he's fucking fighting with someone.'

'You wanna bet its the paps?' Shane told her as they hurried into the hotel where Louis had gone in with his mates and the girls. Val looked for Louis and saw him heading towards the elevators. She went over to him and grabbed his arm, stopping him.

'What the fuck just happened out there?' she asked him.

'Fooking paps they have one fooking job to do and that's to take their goddamn pictures to sell to the fucking tabloids. No, they have to go on ahead and ask stupid questions that I cannot answer.' Val sighed.

'Did they ask stuff about Harry?' Val asked him softly. Louis just looked down at his shoes, his chest rising and falling rapidly but he remained silent. She knew he was struggling.

'Louis I know you are tense and stressed out just please don't let them get to you okay. Why don't you go on up and sleep it off?' Louis seemed to hesitate for a bit then nodded.

'Yeah I think I might. I'm exhausted. Good night and thank you for coming out tonight.' Val smiled at him.

'Thank you for inviting us. Heck I haven't had a night out like this in ages. Sleep well Louis. See you in the morning.' As soon as Louis walked off, Val's phone rang. She pulled out her phone from her jeans pocket and saw that it was Harry calling. He hadn't called her once in the past five weeks! She swiped her phone.

'Hey Harry,' she said into the phone.

'Hey Val,' he greeted her back. A moment of silence.

'How are you?' Val asked him. Another moment of silence.

'I'm okay,' he said softly. Val realized she that had missed him. She smiled to herself.

'How are things going Harry?' Some more silence.

'Good I guess,' he replied. Val wasn't stupid. She could tell that he was not quite alright and that he had called for a reason. She could hear words that he wasn't speaking out loud.

'Did you need anything?' Val asked him when she saw that she was going to have to drag whatever it was out of him.

'Ugh...uhm is ugh Louis okay?' he asked her. Val smiled to herself. There it was!

'Yes why?' she told him non-chalantly.

'I just saw him on Twitter, fighting and he looked wasted. He was with his friends and some girls.'

'Wow shit hits Twitter fast doesn't it? He's fine Harry.' More silence.

'He didn't look fine Val. Looks like he's still the same old Louis partying and getting wasted.' Val took in a deep breath.

'Harry, what the media presents for you to see is not always the truth and you should know that. Come on are you seriously believing that shit? What you saw there is another stunt made up by Modest. Louis is asleep in his room right now. Alone. And he's not drunk or wasted! He hasn't had a drink in five weeks Harry. The reason he looks so wasted and washed out is maybe because he cries himself to sleep over you every God damn night. He's changing and turning his life around. He doesn't drink or smoke weed anymore. He probably told you in one of the messages he sent you that you so eloquently have been ignoring.'

'I...I haven't been ignoring them,' Harry said defensively.

'Then why have you never replied to him? Do you know how he waits to hear from you? Do you know that when he had the charity match he waited all day just for a good luck text from you? When it was time to go on the field he gave me his phone and told me to tell him if a message from you comes in. Why cut him off like that Harry when he's trying so damn hard?' More silence.

'I...I'm sorry I just can't deal with him,' Harry told her his voice low.

'Yet you stalk him on Twitter to see what he's up to? Listen Harry, let me just give you a heads up okay. Next week he's coming to L.A so eventually you are going to have to deal with him. If you manage to avoid him while in L.A well there's only three weeks left of your break then you will have to deal with him when you get back on tour. God Harry you didn't even tell him about Xander! He thinks you two are a couple! He thinks you're in a bloody serious relationship!' Deep silence.

'I'm sorry. I have to go. See you soon Val.' Harry hung up. Val looked at her phone in disbelief.

'The fuck Harry! Just what the fuck!' she mumbled to herself as she walked to the elevator to go up to her room.

 

I wanted  
I wanted you to stay  
'Cause I needed  
I need to hear you say  
That I love you  
I have loved you all along  
And I forgive you  
For being away for far too long  
So keep breathing  
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore  
Believe it  
Hold on to me and, never let me go  
Keep breathing  
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore  
Believe it  
Hold on to me and, never let me go  
Keep breathing  
Hold on to me and, never let me go  
Keep breathing  
Hold on to me and, never let me go


	66. Chapter 66

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning. Happy Sunday. Sitting here at 6 am sipping coffee and streaming Don't Let It Break Your Heart. Such an amazing song. So proud of Louis. I'm loving his music more and more. Anyway, here's another chapter. I go one message yesterday that asked if its alright to be annoyed at Harry. I guess its natural to be annoyed at him lol but he has his reasons. Ok I'll let you go. Hope you enjoy this chapter. All the love, M

Week 6 of the break:

 

Harry stared at the beautiful bouquet of flowers which he had placed on the side table in the living room in front of the huge window that over looked the back garden. It was all roses: dozens of them...red, white, yellow and pink. He picked up the card again and looked at the messy handwriting scrawled on it. It read: Always in my heart Sincerely Louis. Harry pressed the card to his chest and sighed. He had been so surprised when he had heard the doorbell ring yesterday knowing he hadn't been expecting anyone only to open the door and find the delivery man handing him the biggest bouquet of flowers Harry had ever received. When he had read the card, he couldn't help the big smile on his face, the tears in his eyes, the frantic beating of his heart and the crazy butterflies in his stomach beating against his rib cage. This was the most romantic thing Louis had ever done! Well, if he had to be honest, Louis had been very romantic lately. His texts were more meaningful and his voice messages were sometimes very emotional and intimate. Not to mention the collection of songs he had sent him via email which Harry had downloaded onto his phone in a new playlist titled "Lou." The playlist included songs such as: Photograph and Kiss me by Ed Sheeran, Just a little bit of your heart by Ariana Grande, Only love can hurt like this by Paloma Faith, It will rain by Bruno Mars, Let him Go by Julia Sheer, The One by Kodaline, Far Away by Nickelback, Trying Not To Love You by Nickelback and more. Harry had been impressed by Louis' choice of songs and had decided to keep them even though he felt like a schoolgirl with a massive crush! But this was Louis! His Louis! But the most beautiful thing that Louis had done was to send him a recording of him singing a song to him while playing on their piano back at home, their home. Harry had imagined him sitting at the piano just off their conservatory while he sang this song to an empty house and Harry felt bad and he wanted nothing more than to hug him. Harry looked at the flowers, at the card and then tapped the song that Louis had recorded for him. The sweet sound of the piano filled the room, then Louis' beautiful voice hit him right in his heart:

 

I hope you're doing fine out there without me  
'Cause I'm not doing so good without you  
The things I thought you'd never know about me  
Were the things I guess you always understood

So how could I have been so blind for all these years?  
Guess I only see the truth through all this fear,  
And living without you...

And everything I have in this world  
And all that I'll ever be  
It could all fall down around me.  
Just as long as I have you,  
Right here by me.

I can't take another day without you  
'Cause baby, I could never make it on my own  
I've been waiting so long, just to hold you  
And to be back in your arms where I belong

Sorry I can't always find the words to say  
But everything I've ever known gets swept away  
Inside of your love...

And everything I have in this world  
And all that I'll ever be  
It could all fall down around me.  
Just as long as I have you,  
Right here by me.

As the days grow long I see  
That time is standing still for me  
When you're not here

Sorry I can't always find the words to say  
Everything I've ever known gets swept away  
Inside of your love

And everything I have in this world  
And all that I'll ever be  
It could all fall down around me.  
Just as long as I have you,  
Right here by me.

 

Harry closed his eyes and hugged his phone to his chest just as if he was hugging Louis himself. He had listened to it countless times and it still made him weak, it made him long for Louis, it made him fall in love with him all over again. Just then his phone vibrated against his chest, making him jump. He looked down at his phone and saw that it was a text from Louis:

 

[To Harry]

Just landed at LAX. Do you mind if I just come by now and pick up my stuff? I rented a place so I won't bother you with my presence. I just need my stuff s'all. I won't stay long. Lou xx

Harry stared at the message in disbelief. Shit! He had forgotten that Louis had sent him a text last week saying he would be arriving in L.A today and now he was here and he was coming to pick up his stuff and he wasn't ready to face him. He just wasn't ready! He needed more time! Harry text him a quick and short "ok" then dashed upstairs. He looked at himself in the mirror and groaned. He had just showered half an hour ago and his hair was damp and lanky. He took a hair tie and pulled it up into a neat bun. He pulled off his shorts and tee shirt and put on a pair of black sweat pants and a black tee shirt and applied a generous amount of Hugo Boss. He looked at himself in the full length mirror. Hmm plain and simple but he couldn't exactly dress up.That would look weird being all dressed up while lazing at home! No, this will have to do! God, Louis was coming here! He sighed heavily. He was really acting like a school girl in love! It was only Louis coming to pick up his things! He turned and walked out of the bedroom and dashed downstairs. He paced the length of the rooms, arranging things that didn't need arranging, fixing the cushions on the couch that didn't need fixing but he needed to do something or he would go crazy. He went into the kitchen and made himself a cup of tea, then sat at the breakfast bar trying to keep himself looking occupied on his laptop but failed miserably at it because he was a fidgeting, nervous mess. He looked at the clock on the kitchen wall and it read 8:15 pm. It only takes twenty minutes from LAX to here.......

His heart froze in mid-beat and he felt like a baby deer caught in headlights when he heard the front door open and Louis call softly:

'Harry?' Harry swallowed thickly, his heart ramming in his chest. He cleared his throat.

'In here,' he replied calmly, hoping to sound uninterested while trying to focus his attention on the screen before him and not look too nervous. He raised his head and saw Louis standing in the doorway, in a pair of gray sweatpants, a gray hoodie, a back pack and a skateboard in hand. His fringe was swept across his forehead and it looked soft and feathery. Louis gave him a small smile and Harry had to hold on to the counter because he honestly felt like he was going to fall off the stool he was sitting on and crash to the ground, embarrassing himself in the process. He swallowed again.

'Hi,' Louis said quietly. Harry couldn't find his tongue so he just nodded at Louis. Harry realized with stunned surprise that he was tongue tied! He was fucking tongue tied in Louis' presence! What the fuck? Louis shifted from one foot to the other nervously. 'I'll um just ugh go grab my stuff yeah and I'll be out of here. Won't take a lot of your time. Alberto is waiting for me outside.' Harry just nodded again still trying to come to terms with how he was so tongue tied and hoping his brain would snap out of it and send a damn message to his tongue that allowed him to reply but his brain was mulfunctioning!. It was only Louis for God's sake! Louis placed the skateboard and his back pack near the kitchen door, gave Harry another hopeful look hoping he would say something to him ,anything if only to hear his voice because he had missed it so much but when he saw him just sitting there not really giving a fuck, he headed upstairs with a final feeling of giving up. This was it, the end of the line. When he was gone, Harry let out a deep breath he hadn't realized he had been holding. What was all that? He hadn't seen him for five long weeks and now he was here and he hadn't been able to form a word. Louis was here, in their house and he couldn't even bring himself to say one word to him like the fucking idiot that he was.

Louis made it upstairs to their bedroom. The bed was neatly made. The room clutter free. The bedside lampshades were on making the room look soft and welcoming but Louis knew that he wasn't welcome here anymore. This was no longer his bedroom that he had shared with Harry! He didn't want to wallow here any longer, it was too painful. He walked into their huge walk in closet and pulled down a black bag from the top shelf on his side of the closet. He placed it on the chair and began to take his clothes off the hangers and stuff them into the bag, ignoring Harry's soft shirts and jackets and jeans and his fucking boots. His heart was breaking in his chest because now the reality of it all smacked him in the face with a hard punch that he was not ready for. It was truly over between him and Harry. Harry had totally cut him out of his life and there was no way he was ever going to forgive him. It was done! Over! He swallowed the tears that were threatening to fall. He tried to picture a future without Harry and it wasn't something he could go through. He couldn't imagine it. He didn't want to imagine a life without Harry in it but he had to because that what his life was going to be; Harry less! He didn't know how he could ever adjust to a life without Harry in it as his lover but he had to. He hurried to get all his stuff in the bag so he wouldn't linger here any more than necessary. As he pulled an Adidas jacket off the hanger, he felt a big, warm hand close around his own and Louis stilled.

'Stop,' Harry told him in a soft voice as he stood behind him. Harry was so close. Louis could feel his chest rise and fall against his back. Louis didn't move an inch. He just stood there, stunned at Harry's voice right by his ear and Harry's touch, gentle warm and soft and much needed. He could feel Harry standing behind him, his breath tickling the back of his hair. Louis let the Adidas jacket fall to the floor but Harry did not let go of his hand. They stood like that for a few minutes, Louis with his back to Harry's chest and Harry just holding his hand, both standing still as if afraid that if one of them moved, the other would break.

'I forgive you,' Harry said softly, his voice deep and low. Louis' mind was struggling to work. He felt numb and hyper at the same time. He tried to make sense of what Harry had just said but he was afraid that it was his imagination playing tricks on him. He was beginning to wonder if Harry was actually standing behind him or if it was all a figment of his imagination. But no! The hand holding his was warm and the chest behind his back was rock solid. Slowly, Louis turned around to face him unable to believe what he had just heard. He looked up into Harry's face, finding his soft green eyes looking at him.

'What?' he asked him, his voice equally soft. Harry felt nervous and his heart was beating really fast. He didn't want to stammer. He had practiced this a lot ove the past few weeks.

'I forgive you,' he repeated, 'but only if you forgive me.' Louis' eyes grew wide as to what he was hearing. His mind was struggling to comprehend everything

'Harry what can I possibly forgive you for? You didn't do anything that requires me forgiving you!' Harry looked down away from Louis' blue eyes feeling ashamed but he didn't let go of his hand. It was so small and lovely and he had missed holding it. He used to hold Louis' hand a lot and he missed it.

'I lied to you,' Harry spoke softly. He raised his eyes and saw the confusion on Louis' face. 'I...I am not in a relationship with Xander. Never was. He...he never touched me. Nothing ever happened and I am so sorry I lied to you. I...I just wanted something to hurt you with. I was being petty and spiteful and bitter and I wanted to make you feel a little of all the pain you made me feel. Now I see how wrong it was and I'm so sorry.' Harry looked down again feeling ashamed. Louis stood transfixed. Had he heard right? There was no relationship between them? Xander never fucked his Harry? He felt like he wanted to laugh and cry and yell at Harry and cuss him out at the same time but what he did was throw his arms around Harry's neck and pull him to him, hugging him tightly. Harry staggered a little bit, taken by surprise at Louis throwing himself at him.

'I forgive you. I forgive you. I forgive you,' Louis whispered in his neck then he realized that he had just hugged Harry and he wasn't sure if he was allowed to do that so he went to disentangle himself from him but he felt Harry's arm snake around his waist and pull him closer, lifting him slightly off the ground until he was on tip toes as Harry crushed him to his body.

'I missed you,' Harry whispered in the crook of his neck. A shiver ran down Louis' body and he trembled in Harry's arms.

'I missed you too,' he replied and he felt Harry's arm tighten around him. Harry pulled back slightly and looked into Louis' eyes.

'I...I forgive you for everything Louis. I just can't live without you and I don't want to pretend like I can. I don't want to fight anymore. I did a lot of thinking and holding on to my anger is harder work than to just forgive you and make this right between us. I was ready to forgive you the day you decided to leave me but then after you told me why you had to leave me, my ego got in the way and I tried so hard not to love but it only made me love you more. I was born to love you Louis and I can't not!' Louis felt the tears rim his eyes. He was overjoyed that Harry was forgiving him for it all and wanted him back but he had no words to explain the joy he felt inside him that all this was happening especially now that he knew that Harry had never been in a relationship with Xander! Nobody had touched his Harry! There was so much he wanted to tell him but instead he pressed his lips to Harry's gently hoping that that would convey at least a part of his happiness to Harry. They kissed softly, getting re-acquainted with each other again after being apart for so long but soon the kiss turned passionate. Harry parted his lips and Louis' tongue slipped inside his mouth. Harry groaned in Louis' mouth, at the familiar feeling of it all and to have it back after such a long time. It felt as if he had been scorching in the desert sun and this was his oasis! Harry could feel himself getting hard just by having Louis' tongue in his mouth and his body pressed against his. He pushed his hips forward and was surprised to find that Louis was just as hard as him. They pulled back breathlessly, their foreheads together.

'Stay,'Harry told him hoarsely. Louis nodded while trying to fish out his phone out of his pants pocket. 'What are you doing?' Harry asked him as he began placing small kisses on his neck.

'Ugh uhm c-calling..God fuck Harry...calling Alberto t-to tell him t-to fucking Christ....leave,' Louis stammered as he tried to concentrate on calling Alberto. Harry continued to attack his neck and jaw with kisses and small bites. Louis groaned, tilting his head back to give him more access. Once he told Alberto to "leave", he threw his phone on top of the bag he had been packing. Harry tugged at the hem of his hoodie and Louis raised both his arms and let Harry take it off of him. His body felt as if it was on fire, each touch from Harry igniting him further. Harry looked at him with a soft, languid look. God he had missed him so much.

'You're beautiful,' Harry murmured.

Louis attached himself to Harry's lips again, kissing him fiercely and deeply. He was getting harder by the minute and he was going to explode. He pulled Harry's tee shirt off of him, throwing it to the floor, his hand reach up tugging at the hair tie until Harry's hair was free. Louis carded his finger through his long curls and tugged, making Harry moan louder and rut against him faster, needier. Louis began to walking them backwards into the bedroom, their lips still attached, hands roaming each others bodies. When the back of Harry's knees hit the bed, he fell backwards and Louis toppled over him. As soon as they were on top of each other, Louis ground down into Harry and found friction with his hard dick and both of them groaned loudly into each others mouths.

'is this okay?' Louis asked him because he knew they were rushing, he knew that they were falling into each other again and he had to think of Harry. He had to think about what Harry wanted and needed.

'Want you,' Harry said in between kisses. Louis sucked hard on the side of Harry's neck knowing he would leave a red bruise but he didn't seem to care and neither did Harry. Louis continued to suck and place open mouthed kisses on Harry's chest and neck. He pinched Harry's nipple between his thumb and index finger rolling it while he sucked the other one. Harry arched his back off the bed. 'Louis please,' he groaned. Louis stopped and raised his head and looked at his love, there beneath him and he looked wrecked already and Louis loved him so much. Louis placed a kiss on his plump lips.

'Anything for you Hazza my baby, anything.' Louis jumped up off of Harry and tugged at Harry's sweatpants waist band. Harry lifted up his hips and allowed Louis to pull off his sweat pants and boxers in one tug, throwing them on the floor. Louis stared at his naked Harry, his beautiful body, pale skin and long limbs and he wanted to cry because he had missed him so much and he had missed this intimacy and now they were giving each other another chance and Louis knew then that this was who he wanted for the rest of his life. He pulled off his sweats and boxers and climbed back on top of Harry. Harry spread his legs for Louis. It came naturally to him as if they had never been apart for months. Louis settled between his legs, supporting his weight on his arms and looked down at Harry.

'I never stopped loving you one bit during it all,' Louis told him. 'I am so sorry I hurt you Haz. I really am and thank you for forgiving me. I will make it up to you baby and you will never regret taking me back. I will make you proud of me.' Harry smiled up at him as he ran his fingers tentatively down Louis' chest.

'I never stopped loving you one bit either Lou. You are the only one for me. I told you once on my 18th birthday, when we made love for the first time remember? That there would never come a time where I would want somebody else. I told you then that I wanted you forever and you told me that forever was a very long time. Well I want you for forever Lou. Always.' Louis was so over come by emotion that tears dripped down his cheeks and landed on Harry's face. Harry was quick to wipe Louis' eyes and cheeks with his thumbs.

'I want you for forever too Haz,' Louis told him in a choked voice. 'I want this. I want us. Forever.' He bent down and captured his lips in another passionate kiss. Louis rolled his hips down over Harry's hard dick and the friction was sensational. He kept moving over Harry, grounding down on him and Harry pushing his hips up to meet Louis' thrusts.

'Louis please,' Harry begged. Louis looked down at Harry with adoring eyes.

'Harry, I...I want to bottom,' he told him softly. Harry's eyes flew open.

'You want to what?' Harry asked in surprise. Louis smiled at him fondly, caressing his face lovingly.

'I want to bottom Harry. I want you inside of me.' Harry blinked up at him not believing what he was hearing. Louis wasn't into bottoming. He was the dominant top.v He was not a fucking bottom yet he wanted to bottom? The fuck?

'But you hardly ever bottom Lou. The twice you did, it.....' Louis cut him off by kissing his lips gently. He rutted down on Harry making him gasp.

'I want you to claim me Haz. Make me yours. I want to belong to you. I want to show you that I've changed so please let me. This time it's different. ' Louis rolled off of Harry and lay on his back on the other side of the bed. Harry, though confused placed himself on top of Louis. It was a weird sensation for him because Harry hardly ever topped. He looked down at Louis who looked up at him with shiny, bright eyes and a smile on his beautiful face.

'Are you sure about this?' Harry asked him, as he took his small hand in his and kissed his knuckles. Louis just nodded and reached up to tug at Harry's long curls that swirled around his broad shoulders. Louis ran his fingers through his hair lovingly and tugged a little more making Harry whine. He knew he loved having his hair pulled.

'I am. Hundred percent,' Louis said, 'now get on with it.' Harry smiled at him and placed a soft kiss on his lips.

'I'm gonna have to open you up first Lou. You're not used to this and I don't want to hurt you and if ever at any point it gets too much just stop me okay.' Louis nodded again as Harry reached in the drawer of the bedside table and pulled out a bottle of lube. Louis had to admit deep down that he was nervous as fuck but he knew that he could trust Harry and that Harry would take care of him. And he had been thinking about this for a long time. Ever since they had been apart, he had fantasized about getting back together with Harry and being a bottom for Harry. He wanted Harry to top and dominate him. Harry settled on his knees between Louis' spread legs and eyed him lustfully. He never had Louis in this position before, so willing and so open for him. He opened the bottle of lube and poured some onto his fingers, slicking up them up well. He looked at Louis and Harry smiled at him.

'Are you ready?' Harry asked him and Louis simply nodded. Harry lay back on top of Louis and kissed him gently, trying to get him to feel relaxed because he could see that he was a little edgy. One of Harry's arms was caught between their bodies, making its way to Louis' body, past his hard dick. He slipped fingers between Louis' spread cheeks and circled his hole. As soon as Louis felt Harry's cold digit against his warm hole he jumped.

'Hey,' Harry told him gently, 'you don't have to do this Louis. You don't have to prove anything to me. I love being your bottom.' Louis gave him a small smile hoping it would hide how nervous he was.

'I want this Harry. Really I do.' Harry leaned down and kissed him, parting Louis' lips with his tongue and plunged his tongue into Louis' warm mouth. Louis responded back hungrily. Just then Harry pressed his long digit inside Louis, going past the tight ring of muscle. Louis took in a sharp in take of breath right in Harry's mouth and stiffened, his body going tense.

'Relax baby,' Harry whispered against his lips as he continued to push his finger in up to the third knuckle. 'Fuck you're so warm and soft,' Harry praised him. Louis was holding his breath but Harry began placing kisses on his cheeks and jaw and neck. He kept his finger inside Louis, giving him time to get accustomed to the feeling of the invading finger inside of him. 'Breathe Louis,' Harry told him. 'Relax your muscles love.' Louis exhaled slowly and tried to relax his body the best he could. As soon as he exhaled Harry gently pulled out his finger and pushed it back in, earning a soft 'ahh' from Louis. Harry was beside himself at seeing Louis like this and that Louis was letting him inside him. He was so beautiful like this! Harry began to move his finger at a steady pace and he had Louis panting in no time at all. In between placing kisses all over his skin, Harry told him:

'Gonna add another one Lou,' and Louis lost in these new sensations only nodded. He stiffened again when he felt Harry's other digit pushing its way in next to the other one but he held still. The stretch wasn't so bad. 'How's that?' Harry asked him. Louis had his eyes closed and he just moaned and pressed his hips down on Harry's fingers. He shifted his hips to meet Harry's fingers deep inside of him. Harry began to move his fingers in and out of Louis while scissoring them to open him up. Louis was breathing rapidly, his eyes closed, his head thrown back on the pillows and Harry pumped him harder. Without bothering to tell him, lost as he was in the pleasure of it all, Harry added a third finger which only made Louis moan louder. They were both panting and sweating, their cocks hard and heavy both already leaking. They hadn't touched each other in months and it was a wonder they both didn't come with the first touch on the spot. Louis opened his eyes and looked at his love, all sweaty and hair all over the place. He threaded his fingers through Harry's hair, pushing it back off his face.

'I'm ready for you Hazza baby,' he told him huskily.

'Yeah?' Harry asked him, a rush of excitement running through him. He hoped he would do this well and please Louis. After all, he didn't have much experience as a top. He reached for the lube bottle, squirted a generous heap in his hand and coated his painfully dick. He knew that he wasn't going to last and he hoped that he would last long enough to make Louis come first before himself. He placed himself over Louis, supporting his weight on his arms that were beside Louis' head. Harry positioned himself at Louis' entrance, raising Louis' leg over his hip and slowly pushed himself inside Louis. Louis let out a whimper and grabbed Harry's biceps, his fingers digging into them. Harry stopped.

'Louis are you alright? Do you want me to stop love?' Harry asked him even though he didn't want to stop. In the five years that they had been together, he only got to top twice at the beginning of their relationship and it was messy and Louis had done most of the work and Louis hadn't enjoyed it at all, after which Louis had told him that he was not meant to be a bottom. Harry had forgotten how Louis felt on the inside and now that he was pressing himself inside of him, he wanted to go deeper and deeper and just feel him like he had never felt him before.

'I...I'm fine love its just....you're big and it hurts.' Harry smiled fondly at him and kissed him on the nose.

'Just relax sweetheart don't keep your body tense. I won't hurt you and if it gets too much for you we can always stop and swap.' Harry winked at him. Louis looked deep into Harry's eyes with devotion.

'I want you. Go on,' he told him softly. Harry nodded and inched himself a little deeper. Damn Louis was tight! He watched Louis squeeze his eyes tightly shut and wince, his fingers digging into his biceps. Harry kept on pushing slowly and gently until he was fully sheathed inside Louis. He closed his eyes savoring the feeling and let out a groan of pleasure, his mind going hazy with these new sensations. The way Louis was stretched around him so tight, his warm velvet heat inside was taking all of Harry's efforts not to come right there and then without even moving. Just then Louis clenched tightly around Harry.

'God,' Harry groaned, 'do that again and I'm gonna come right now without even moving.'

'Then move,' Louis told him breathlessly. Harry opened his eyes and looked down at Louis. He looked like he was in pain and Harry doubted he could move inside him without causing him further discomfort. He knew what the first time felt like and this was close to a first time for Louis.

'Louis I can stop if its too uncomfortable for you,' Harry told him as he bent down and kissed at the tears in Louis' eyes, feeling their wetness on his lips. Louis tightened his grip on Harry's biceps.

'Its just the stretch and the burn of it. Feels like you're splitting me open,' Louis said giving him a weak smile. 'But I want you Harry. I have wanted this for a long time but with all that happened....'

'Shh shh shh it's okay.It's okay. You have me now. I'm here with you okay. We're back,' Harry whispered against his lips just as he slowly moved out of Louis almost all the way then pushed himself back in.

'Ahhhh,' Louis groaned and threw his head back on the pillow. Harry picked up a slow gentle pace. He wanted to make sweet love to Louis not just fuck him senseless. He didn't want this to be just reunion sex based on their lust from missing each other and not having had sex for months. Louis had given himself to him today and Harry was going to love him through it. He moved steadily in and out of Louis while his man beneath him was falling apart. Harry was loving the feeling of being inside Louis and of eliciting these beautiful sounds from his lips. He felt Louis' legs tighten around his waist, his heels digging into his bum cheeks edging Harry to enter him deeper. That's when Harry hit Louis' prostrate and Louis screamed out loud, his eyes flying open.

'Oh my fucking God Harry...Jesus fuck,' Louis cried out. 'Do it again Harry please don't stop. Don't fucking stop!' Harry smiled. You want it? You go it! He picked up his pace a little and thrust into Louis a little harder still making sure to go easy on him. He hit his prostrate again and again and Louis was nothing but a blubbering mess beneath him. Harry could feel his orgasm building up, the tightness in his lower gut pulling and threatening to spill. Louis was clenching around him so hard and tight that it was hard for him to hold back an longer.

'Louis...I'm...I'm gonna.....' but he didn't get to finish his sentence. He came inside Louis with a guttural groan. He felt his body shake violently as he spilled his load inside Louis. Louis was coiled up around him like a snake, his body bidding to Harry's will. Harry continued to move slowly inside Louis riding out his orgasm till his last drop was out of him. Harry stopped moving and looked down at Louis who was looking back at him with so much love in his eyes Harry felt it in his marrow. Louis reached up a hand and touched Harry's sweaty face.

'God you're so beautiful. I didn't realize what I have been missing until now.' His voice was no more than a whisper. Harry smiled at him and placed a soft kiss to his lips. It was then he felt Louis' still hard and full dick between them.

'Need to take care of you now,' he told him huskily. 'What do you want baby?' Harry asked him as he took hold of Louis' dick in his fist and began to pump him slowly. Louis closed his eyes and arched his back off the bed.

'Want to....need to come...inside you,' he told Harry in between breathless gasps. Harry nibbled at his ear, sucking on his ear lobe and Louis shuddered violently.

'Well seeing how wrecked you are I doubt you can move off the bed so how about I ride you huh?' Harry whispered in his ear and he could see goosebumps break out on Louis' flesh. Harry realized that he loved to be in control, he liked this. He liked it that he could reduce Louis to this. In the bedroom, Louis had always been the dominating one and Harry never minded being submissive, but this....this was new and he liked it. And he hoped that he would get to do this more often.

'Yes, yes,' Louis whined, 'Harry please.' Harry smiled.

'Okay love anything you want.' Harry slowly got up on his knees, his body still trembling for his orgasm. It was a bit difficult as his body felt spent after the beautiful orgasm he had just had and all he wanted to do was curl up beside Louis and sleep but he had to take care of Louis and he had missed feeling him inside of him. There was no time to open himself up now, not with the way Louis was bucking his hips up urgently, needing friction. Harry' didn't mind the pain of having Louis inside him without prep. Harry reached for the lube and once again poured some in his palm. He took hold of Louis' dick and coated him slowly, making it as sensual as he could, moving his fist down to the base of Louis' dick then slowly back up again, running his thumb over Louis' leaking tip, pressing straight into the slit. Louis whined and thrust his hips up into Harry's fist.

'Harry,' Louis groaned, 'don't tease.' Harry chuckled and bent over him, peppering his face with fond kisses.

'I'm sorry love. You just look wonderfully wrecked and I never saw you like this before so I'm savoring it.'

'Dickhead,' Louis whined. Harry smiled. That's my boy, he thought to himself.

When Harry was done, he moved further up over Louis, both his knees spread by Louis' hips. Louis opened his eyes and looked at his beautiful boy above him ready to take him in. He felt blessed and lucky that Harry had forgiven him and that his beautiful ass still belonged to him and that nobody else had been inside his man but him. Harry looked down at him.

'Ready?' he asked him and Louis nodded because he couldn't speak from all the emotions he was feeling. He felt Harry lower himself down slowly on his dick and Louis felt as if he was in Heaven. He closed his eyes feeling himself buried into Harry's tight heat and he saw stars! He heard Harry hiss a few times and this made him happy because it was further proof that Harry hadn't been with anyone besides him. When Harry bottomed out, he sighed and placed both his hands on Louis' stomach for balance and spread his thighs wider, taking Louis in deeper. Louis held him by his thighs, gripping him tightly. Most probably tomorrow morning Harry was going to have a lot of bruises.

'God I missed you,' Harry whispered from above him. 'I missed this. I missed us.' He lifted himself slowly off Louis, then went back down again and Louis' fingers dug in his thighs.

'I missed us too,' he told him, his breathing ragged and short as he felt Harry lift up and slam back down on him. Louis thrust up his hips just as Harry slammed back down again and was rewarded with the most beautiful of moans falling from Harry's beautifully parted lips.

'Oh baby yeah,' Harry encouraged him. They picked up a perfect rhythm, Louis thrusting up just as Harry slammed down on him again, each time Louis hitting Harry's prostate dead on. Harry could feel his dick getting hard again just from feeling Louis thrust up into him mercilessly.

'Harry I'm close,' Louis whispered. Harry smiled.

'Let it go baby,' he told him and just as Harry slammed down on him again, Louis came inside Harry, hard and deep.

'Ohhhhh baby yas yas,' Harry screamed and as he felt Louis' hot come inside him, filling him. He came again untouched all over Louis' stomach, his orgasm hitting him harder than the first one. Harry continued to grind on Louis, keeping him inside of him until they both stopped coming. Harry flopped forward on to Louis, both of them breathing fast and hard as they came down from their high. Harry sat back up gently, feeling Louis' softening dick slip out of him and looked down at the mess he had made on Louis' stomach.

'Opps,' he said with a smile.

'Hi,' Louis told him, a beautiful and happy smile on his face. Harry slowly got off of Louis and lay down next to him.

'How do you feel?' Harry asked him. Louis had the silliest of grins on his face.

'Amazing,' he replied.

'Was it good for you? You know being a bottom?' Louis turned to look at him, at his beautiful disheveled angel with after sex messy hair.

'I loved it. I loved feeling you inside me Harry. I didn't know what I had been missing. Let's not mention about how hot you are when you dominate.' Harry smiled, scrunching up his face comically.

'I am?' Louis rolled on to his side, lifted himself on his elbow and looked down at Harry.

'Mhm you are. You know that one time when you stood up to Simon and Modest, when you dominated the whole conversation and told them what we wanted to do, well you made me so hard I nearly came in my pants from just watching you being domineering.' Harry smiled a goofy smile, scrunching up his nose fondly.

'Really? Wow I never thought.....'

'Yeah because I never let you,' Louis was quick to cut him off and Harry noticed his face go sad.

'Hey,' Harry told him gently, 'this is a new chapter for us okay. We just discovered that you enjoyed bottoming and you like me to be dominant. We got plenty of time now for you to bottom while I dominate your pretty ass.' Louis looked at him, a smile on his face.

'You dork,' he told him fondly. 'My beautiful dork. A baby deer trying to be a lion. Imagine that.' Harry giggled and moved closer to Louis, cuddling into him, their naked bodies sliding up together.

'Yours,' Harry murmured. 'Always have and always will be.' Louis cupped his cheek and kissed him softly.

'I love you so much. So much,' he said as he kissed him again, a little harder and a little deeper.

'I love you,' Harry whispered back. 'I'm so happy to have you back Lou. However, I think we should shower. I made you all messy and sticky. Come on,' Harry told him as he got up off the bed and held out a hand to Louis. Louis took it and let Harry help him stand up. Just as he did, Louis winced.

'Ouch,' he said, scrunching up his face.

'Sore?' Harry asked him a smile on his lips. Louis glared playfully at him.

'Don't you fucking dare laugh at me you twat. You and your fucking big dick got me walking like a peasant.' Harry giggled and headed off to the bathroom as Louis waddled slowly behind him, limping a little. By the time Louis reached the bathroom, Harry was already under the hot water. Louis got in with him and no sooner was he in the shower, Harry wrapped his arms around him and pulled him into his chest. They stayed like that for a few minutes, just holding each other under the cascade of hot water, neither of them unable to believe that they were back together. After they showered and dried themselves off, they walked back to the bed. Louis climbed on with a little difficulty due to his sore ass and patted the mattress for Harry to join him. Harry climbed beside him and Louis spooned him, their naked bodies pressed into each other.

'I love you,' Louis whispered in Harry's hair. 'Always have and always will. I am nothing without you Haz.' Harry snuggled closer to Louis, his back pressed further into Louis' chest.

'I love you,' Harry replied, 'today more than yesterday and tomorrow definitely more than today. Please don't ever leave me again Louis no matter the reason. Not matter what happens don't ever leave me. Please.' Louis hugged Harry to him tightly.

'I swear I'm never letting you go again. Ever. Nothing can or will take me away from you again. I will let nothing and no one come between the two of us. That I swear to you Haz.'


	67. Chapter 67

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys I do hope everyone is well. I am sorry I am late with my update today but I have been decorating for Christmas and out buying Christmas presents. But here I am now with another update for you. I do hope you will like this one. All the love, M

Louis stirred and stretched his body. He felt warm and comfortable and relaxed. He heard a small clicking sound and he cracked one eye open. Bright sunlight filled the room and for a moment he forgot where he was then, feeling momentarily disoriented then it all came back to him and he felt a rush of warm happiness fill him. He was in their bed, in their house in L.A and he was back with Harry. He jolted awake and sat up, immediately regretting it. He felt a sharp, burning pain in his backside and he quickly lay back down again reveling in the knowledge that the pain came form the beautiful sex he had had with Harry the night night before. He heard another soft click. He turned his head to the left and saw Harry sitting naked in the arm chair across the room with his camera taking pictures of him. Louis popped himself up on his elbows and looked at him sleepily, eyes puffy and hair messy but a smile on his lips. Another click.

'What are you doing?' he asked him in his raspy morning voice, a playful smile on his lips. Harry smiled at him as he shot another photo.

'Taking pictures of you while in slumber. I might call this collection "The Slumbering Cherub",' he told him with a fond smile. Louis shook his head and rolled his eyes as he flopped back down on the pillow.

'Weirdo,' he called to Harry. Harry got up off the chair, placed the camera down on it and walked towards the bed. He climbed on top of Louis careful to not let his weight down on him.

'Good morning precious,' he told him as he leaned down and took his lips in a soft, sweet kiss. Louis wrapped his arms around Harry's neck and pulled him down, deepening the kiss not really caring about their morning breaths. Harry pulled back and looked into Louis' still sleepy blue eyes, gently tracing the contours of his face with his index finger.

'How are you feeling?' he asked him. Louis smiled up at him, his eyes crinkling.

'Good. Sore but good.'

'Hmm bet I can make you feel better,' Harry told him huskily as he kissed Louis' neck and collarbones, tracing his 'It Is What It Is' tattoo with the tip of his tongue. Louis shivered and moaned softly. Harry continued to kiss his chest going down his stomach, placing open mouthed kisses on his warm skin. He moved down to his navel, down the hairline just beneath his navel, his lips barely touching his skin yet Louis felt every kiss Harry placed there.

'Oh God Harry,' Louis moaned. Harry looked up at him, giving him a wicked smile then took him in his mouth. Louis groaned loudly and fisted the sheets in his tiny hands. Harry bobbed his head up and down slowly, taking in as much as he could of Louis, swirling his tongue around him, licking up and sucking at the leaking tip. He caressed his thick thighs, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles as he took him in. He opened his throat for Louis who thrust up slowly, sliding down further into Harry's throat. Within a few moments, he felt Louis' thighs begin to quiver. 'Haz,' Louis groaned, 'Haz I'm close.' Harry took him in deeper. Louis fisted Harry's hair and pulled on it and thrust his hips up, hitting the back of Harry's throat. Harry moaned loudly around Louis' dick sending vibrations through Louis. Louis shuddered, stilled and came hot and hard in Harry's mouth. His body shook and trembled as Harry continued to take him until he was dry. When he was done and his orgasm had subsided, Harry looked up at him, licked his lips and gave him a dimpled smile.

'How was that for your first morning back?' he asked him as he got up off the bed, opened their dresser and pulled out a pair of black boxer briefs.

'Hmmm,' Louis whined, his chest going up and down rapidly, his body feeling lax and relaxed, 'I could get used to this again.' Harry walked over to him, bent down and kissed him tenderly on his forehead.

'You better do my love. I'm going to go down and make us breakfast. Don't belong.' Louis smirked at him.

'I thought this was breakfast.' Harry chuckled.

'Its a start. Now come on come down.'

'Okay okay I'm coming,' Louis moaned. Harry winked at him from the doorway.

'You already did my love.' Louis threw him a pillow but Harry was already out the door. The pillow hit the wall and fell on to the floor.

'Asshole,' Louis muttered to himself as he heard Harry whistle on his way downstairs.

Fifteen minutes later Louis walked into the kitchen and stopped in the doorway as he watched Harry in just his boxer briefs, his his hips swaying from side to side to and singing along to "Treasure" by Bruno Mars. Harry's voice sent shivers all over Louis' body.

'Treasure, that is what you are, honey, you're my golden star, you know you can make my wish come true. If you let me treasure you. If you let me treasure you,' Harry sang, his hips and ass moving to the music as he worked on their breakfast.

Louis folded his arms on his bare chest, leaned into the door frame and crossed one ankle over the other and admired his beautiful boy as he went about the kitchen singing, his lean tattooed body, long legs and hair up in a messy bun. Louis felt close to tears, but they happy tears. He couldn't believe how fucking lucky he was to have this special angel in his life and he thanked the Gods above that they were given another chance. Louis walked up behind Harry and wrapped his arms around his waist making him jump a little. Harry laughed.

'You startled me,' he told Louis who placed soft kisses between his shoulder blades.

'I love you,' Louis simply told him. Because it was the truth and he felt it in his chest, big and warm and he had to tell him. He had to tell him every minute that he loved him because deep down, Louis knew that he had to make up for all the pain he had caused Harry.

Ten minutes later, they were sitting out on the veranda over looking the pool and trees that lay beyond their property behind the tea house. Louis was eating his coco pops and drinking his tea while Harry had a big glass of red juice which he was sipping through a straw. Louis eyed him with amusement and fondness as he sat there in all his glory, in just his boxer shorts, sunglasses, his long legs stretched out in front of him.

'What's that you're drinking?' he asked him taking a sip of his tea.

'Morning Glory. I'm on a juicing diet.' Louis furrowed his brows at him.

'You're on a what?' Harry smiled at him.

'Its a juice diet. I don't eat solids for a while. Everything has to be juiced.' Louis made a disgusted face.

'Why?' Harry shrugged.

'Its for cleansing,' Harry explained. Louis shook his head but smiled fondly at Harry.

'You come up with the weirdest shit Haz. Yoga, meditation, a tea house to do all your shit in and now juicing?' Louis told him fondly as he spooned some more coco pops into his mouth. He knew Harry was into all this. It was part of how he managed to keep his mind, body and soul healthy and connected and he admired him for that. Harry sipped some more of his juice then looked at Louis, a pensive look on his face.

'Lou, I'm sorry I lied to you about Xander. I really didn't mean to hurt you. Well I did want to hurt you...a little bit...'

'A little bit?' Louis interrupted him, raising an eyebrow at Harry, yet his voice still playful. 'I nearly died from thinking about that motherfucker touching you and being inside of you.' Harry reached across the table and took Louis' hand in his.

'I'm sorry you believed it. I thought you knew me better, that I would never take another man into my bed. You were quick to believe me too just like I believed you. See? I'm neither a whore nor a slut as you so sweetly called me.' Louis pressed his lips together but smiled, a little apologetic, shy smile.

'I'm sorry I called you that. I was furious. But Harry, you forgave me for so much more and much worse. I can't hold this lie against you. All I want is for us to be together, to be happy. I am grateful that you forgave me for all my shit and I am so sorry I hurt you in the worst ways possible. I swear that as long as I shall live I will never hurt you again and I swear I will make it up to you.' Harry leaned over the table and kissed Louis' hand.

'I trust you and believe you. Let's just move past all of this. Let's look at it like a bad chapter in our book yeah. We can do better now because we know better. So, what do you want to do today?' Harry asked him. Louis sat back in his chair thinking that life couldn't get any better than it was today.

'Absolutely nothing. I just want to spend the day with you doing nothing. Oh, we should take a selfie and send it to my mum and your's. We have worried them enough I think. They should be the first to know we are back together. Then we should send one to Val.' Louis got up and sat on Harry's lap. He grabbed Harry's phone off the table and moved closer to Harry. Louis made his usual funny face and Harry just pressed his lips to Louis' cheek. When the selfie was taken, Louis typed in a small message about how they were back together and all was sorted and sent it to his mum and Anne and Val. He looked down at Harry.

'I do have to go out tonight though. I made plans with Cal and Oli and Stan before all this happened to go clubbing. I will text Cal to let them know that they can stay at the house I rented. I can also cancel if you want me to stay here with you. There is nothing better than staying in and cuddle with you.' Harry hugged him tightly and smiled up at him.

'No go. I don't mind you meeting your friends. I have dinner plans with Jeff and Glenne and Xander anyway but I will be home before you so I will wait up for you okay.' Louis smirked at him.

'Tell that dickhead to keep his hands to himself unless he wants them broken,' Louis told him, placing a kiss beneath Harry's jaw. 'Mine,' he growled against his skin. Harry chuckled and ran one of his large hands up and down Louis' bare back then cupped his ass cheek and squeezed.

'All yours my love, all yours.'


	68. Chapter 68

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone I'm back with another update since I didn't update on Sunday I decided to make up for it today. I apologize for missing Sunday's update. Well hope you like this one. All the love, M.

Louis was happy. He was more than happy. He was extatic. It had been a longtime since he had felt this happy, this light and this at peace. He was intoxicated on the feeling of happiness within him that at times he felt overwhelmed and close to tears by the sheer magnitude of it. He was back with Harry. His Harry had forgiven him. And the "relationship" with Xander had been nothing but a lie constructed by Harry to get back at him and hurt him for hurting him too much and he had to admit that Harry had hit him right where it hurt and made him realize how it felt to see Harry with someone else, how it felt to lose Harry to another man and he was never ever going to make that mistake again and risk losing Harry. But now it was all good. And he was here at the club with his mates having a grand time and after here, he got to go home to his man, the most beautiful man on earth and make love to him because he was his, because they were back together.The feeling of happiness in his heart swelled and grew.

His mates where all laughing and happy too. He loved to treat them and see them happy even though management objected to them being around Louis especially Calvin but Louis loved his lads and there wasn't much that management could do about it now anyway. His lads were teasing him to get a proper beer but Louis was drinking non-alcoholic beer. To everyone else, it looked like normal beer but Louis didn't care much. He was proud of himself that for the last six weeks he hadn't had any alcohol or weed. Just normal cigarettes because those he had a doubt he could totally give up. He was changing because he wanted things to be better for him but mostly for Harry. He wanted to be better for Harry. He didn't want to make the same mistakes he had made in the past that would lead to problems with Harry. So Louis was on the straight and the narrow and he intended to stay on a straight line because he didn't want to disappoint Harry. He wanted Harry to be proud of him.

Some girls came over to them and Cal greeted them. He looked like he knew these girls and he signaled for Louis to come over.

'Let me introduce you to my friends,' Cal yelled over the loud music. Louis nodded, smiling his eye crinkling smile because the happiness inside him was showing on the outside and he wanted to let it shine.

'This is Briana and her cousin Ashley,' Cal told him. Louis shook their hands.

'Hi I'm Louis so nice to meet you,' Louis told them politely as he took a swig of his non-alcoholic beer and bobbed his head to the music. Cal grabbed Ashley by the hand and went off dancing with her. Briana looked shyly at Louis.

'You're from the band aren't you? Calvin told us about you.' Louis nodded and smiled at her.

'I am yeah. What do you do?' Louis asked her.

'I'm a stylist.' she replied. She smiled at him then took his hand. 'Come dance with me,' she told him and Louis let her lead him to the dance floor. He wasn't much of a dancer, he just kinda bopped to the music on the spot. Briana moved closer to him and moved sensually against him. Louis took a step back but she looped her fingers through the loops of his jeans, just smiled at him, pulled him closer and continued to rub her body against him. Louis was feeling uncomfortable but he figured one dance couldn't hurt. He will let her down easily after the song finished like he always did to the amount of girls who thought they stood a chance. He smiled to himself and his mind drifted to Harry. No one stood a chance where Harry was concerned. Harry was all he wanted. The girl's cousin Ashley was near them gyrating on Calvin and taking pictures when she suddenly turned her phone on them and yelled "cheese" snapping a picture of Briana is and Louis squashed together. Louis was suddenly pulled back into the now, away from his thoughts of Harry. He didn't like that pictures were being snapped of him without his consent.

When the song that was playing ended they all went back to the bar where their other friends were doing shots and Cal suggested they should take the party to their rented mansion, as he called it. Louis rolled his eyes. It was a small villa with a pool not a mansion but whatever. If Cal was happy to call it a mansion to impress the girls, then who was he to tell him otherwise? They all filed outside and the paps started taking pictures. Briana squeezed herself next to Louis, smiling at the paps, making sure she was in the picture with him. Louis joked with the paps as Briana continued to squeeze herself to him, smiling at the flashing cameras. The van pulled up in front of them and they all filed in, Briana ending up sitting in Oli's lap. During the drive to the rented villa it was all laughs and teasing. Louis felt serene and at peace.

Once they got to the villa, Cal put on music on his laptop and brought out drinks and snacks. Louis helped himself to a Dr. Pepper and once again got made fun of but he was sticking to his no alcohol rule no matter how much shit his friends gave him. He wanted to be sober, for him and mostly for Harry. He was putting Harry first now and he knew that Harry didn't like him being drunk because let's face it, when he got drunk shit got bad and he didn't want to ruin their second chance and jinx it from the start by getting shit faced. Briana came up near him, getting in his space and offered him a beer. Louis declined politely.

'No thanks. I'm on detox. My liver has been protesting,' he told her and she giggled, looking at him shyly from beneath lowered eyes.

'You are funny,' she told him, 'and cute.' Louis smiled but said nothing. Briana continued to chat to him and Louis noticed she was getting flirty. It happened a lot of times and he was used to it by now. Briana tugged at his tee shirt to get his attention. 'A penny for your thoughts?' she told him as she bit her bottom lip and batted her eyelashes at him. Louis cringed inwardly. He wondered internally how many females have yet to come to terms with the fact that he was with Harry! Larries put it out there enough for everyone to see so why was she here up in his space flirting with him?!

'Just thinking about calling it a night. I'm kinda tired,' Louis told her. She moved her body closer to him as she wrapped her arms around his waist.

'There's bedrooms upstairs,' she told him trying to be seductive. Louis smiled at her, mentally gagging.

'Thanks but I have my own bed at home. I'm in a relationship,' he told her. She shrugged.

'So? She doesn't need to know,' she told him as she tightened her arms around his waist. Louis looked down at her, scrutinizing her face. She was pretty he had to give her that but there was no way in hell he was trading that gorgeous, hot angel he had waiting for him at home for this skank ass who was probably after some media attention at being seen with him and had no regards for the person he was with. He gently untangled her arms from around him.

'Sorry but I'm loyal. I don't cheat especially not one night stands with strangers. It was nice to meet you but I really have to get home. Goodnight.' As soon as he finished his words, he made a beeline straight for the door. On his way out, he called to Cal and Oli that he was leaving. Alberto was waiting for him outside and he immediately opened the van door for him when Louis stepped out of the villa. Louis clapped him on the shoulder. 'Take me to my home Alberto. He's waiting for me,' he told him happily and settled in the van, his mind on Harry. The drive only took ten minutes and as soon as the van pulled up at the back of the house, Louis slid open the van door and jumped out, shouting a thank you and goodnight to Alberto while sprinting to the house. He opened the back door and kicked off his Vans, leaving them by the door. As he made his way out of the kitchen he took off his jeans jacket and draped it over the back of a chair. He took the stairs two at a time.

'Haz I'm home,' he called out happily. He walked down the hall and pushed open their bedroom door and his heart flipped and his knees went weak and the butterflies in his stomach went bat shit crazy. Harry sat on their bed in just his boxers, his hair down and a book in his hands, a cup of tea on the bedside table beside him and this was what Louis wanted to come home to for the rest of his life. As soon as he heard Louis' voice he looked up from his book, eyes bright and face aglow, a dimpled smile greeting Louis, tugging at his heart. Was he going to fall in love every time he laid eyes on Harry? His heart replied and soft "yes you are."

'Welcome home,' Harry told him softly. 'How was your night?' Louis began to undress, throwing his clothes helter skelter across the room making Harry cringe. He knew that Harry would pick up after him and made a mental note to change that and start being more tidy and organized. He shrugged.

'Same old shit. Calvin and Oli always pile up on the girls using me to lure them in. Then the girls try to hit on me, you know how it goes.' When he was in just his boxers he climbed on the edge of the bed one knee at at time, crawled over to Harry then straddled Harry's hips. 'But I only have eyes for you and my heart beats only for you angel,' Louis told him as he pressed his lips to Harry's, kissing him softly, savoring the faint taste of tea on Harry's lips.

Harry pulled back and looked up into Louis' face. 'You're sober,' he told him a little surprised. Louis grinned at him.

'Six weeks and counting. I'm done with that shit Haz.' Harry smiled brightly, his dimples popping. He wrapped his arms around Louis' waist, resting his chin on his chest and looked up into his face.

'I'm so proud of you. Really I am baby.' Louis bent down and captured his lips with his own kissing him tenderly. He pulled back and looked down at Harry, smoothing back his long curls, twisting one around his index finger.

'How was your night with Jeffrey and Xander?' Louis asked him, his voice feigning disgust on Xander's name. Harry chuckled and placed his hands on Louis' bum squeezing and kneading the soft flesh. Louis moaned softly.

'Not that important,' he whispered huskily. Louis attacked his lips hungrily. He couldn't get enough of Harry. He just couldn't. His tongue swirled around his passionately, teeth clashing and when Harry moaned in his mouth, it reverbrated in his chest. Louis pulled back breathlessly. He looked into Harry's beautiful green eyes and cupped his face in both his hands.

'I want to make love to you,' he told him softly. Harry nodded and slid down further the bed until he was lying down, his head on the pillow. Louis got off of him and slowly took off Harry's boxers, dragging them slowly down his long legs then removed his own. Harry spread his legs and Louis settled there. He was home.

'I missed you,' Louis told him as he ran his nose along Harry's jaw. Harry squeezed Louis' bum loving the feel of his bare ass in his hands.

'I missed you more,' Harry whispered. They were both hard and ready for each other. Louis reached for the lube and coated himself. He looked at Harry in the most adoring way and he kept staring into his eyes as he pushed himself inside Harry. He saw Harry's green eyes lose their focus and roll back as his lids drooped slowly, lost to the pleasure he was feeling.

'Look at me Haz,' Louis told him, 'I want you to look into my eyes as I make love to you.' Harry opened his eyes with difficulty and focused on Louis, his body taking him in as Louis slipped in and out of him at a slow, steady pace. He pushed in deep, as far as Harry's body allowed him to go, taking time to feel Harry's heat and velvet walls clench around him.

'You're so perfect,' Louis told him, 'so mine. God Harry I love you so much,' he told him in a choked voice because he was feeling too much, his body responding to Harry as Harry moved to his rhythm. Louis pulled back his hips and thrust forward, sliding inside Harry again. Harry smiled at him and ran his huge warm hands up Louis' back.

'Ahh baby I ahh love you too,' he moaned as Louis continued to move in and out of him, prolonging their orgasm as much as he could. He wanted to savor this moment. He knew they had more to come and he wanted them all to be meaningful, he wanted them all to convey his love for Harry. Louis felt his orgasm building up, pulling and tugging, begging for the sweet release. He reached between them and took Harry's hard cock in his fist.

'I want you to come with me Haz. Can you do that baby?' Louis asked him. Harry nodded unable to speak, feeling Louis go in and out of him and his hand pumping his dick to the same rhythm he was moving in and out of him. Louis kept his eyes locked into Harry's as did Harry and the connection, the intimacy was stronger than the love they were making, it went deeper. It was soul binding.

'I'm close baby,' Louis whispered against Harry's lips. He could feel Harry's hot breath on his face coming from his plump parted lips, his fingers digging in his back and his heels digging in his bum pulling him in deeper. Harry nodded letting Louis know he was close too. A few hard thrusts from Louis and equally hard pumps on Harry's dick and they both orgasmed together, Louis inside Harry and Harry all over his stomach and Louis' hand, their eyes still locked into each other's. They both breathed hard, their hearts beating fast pressed together, beating as one.

'I can feel your heart beat against mine,' Louis told him breathlessly.

'I feel yours too,' Harry replied. Louis caressed Harry's face lovingly and placed a kiss on his nose.

'That was beautiful. The best love we ever made.'

'Hmm,' Harry agreed. He was spent. Louis pecked his lips. He slipped out of him gently and got up.

'Stay there I'll get a flannel to clean you up. You look spent.' Harry smiled at him as his eyes began to droop closed. Louis went into the bathroom and came back with a wet flannel. He wiped Harry down and placed it on the bed side table. He climbed next to Harry and snuggled close to him. Harry wrapped his arm around Louis' shoulder and pulled him close. Louis placed his head on Harry's chest, draping his leg over Harry's hips. He traced Harry's swallow tattoos with his finger.

'Thank you,' Louis whispered in the silent bedroom.

'For what?' Harry asked him, his voice deep and full of sleep. Louis smiled against Harry's chest.

'For loving me so much. It's overwhelming. You never cease to amaze me.' Harry gently rubbed Louis' arm up and down.

'Loving you is what I live for Lou. My life would mean nothing without you in it.' Louis snuggled closer to Harry's body loving his warmth. Harry was his home. And he was here to stay.

'Goodnight my darling,' Louis told him. Harry kissed the top of his head.

'Goodnight sweetheart. See you in the morning,' Harry mumbled before closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep, holding Louis in his arms.


	69. Chapter 69

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone I am so sorry I missed updating this weekend but as most of you know, I worked on completing A Darker Shade of Love. But here I am today with an update. Hope you like this one. All the love, M.

Week 7 of the break:

 

Louis flew past Harry on his skateboard while Harry was busy making them lunch in their spacious kitchen. Harry rolled his eyes, a small smile playing on his lips.

'Louis, no skateboarding in the house,' Harry chided him but Louis just flew past him again, grabbing a handful of Harry's bum as he went flying past him again. Harry chuckled to himself.

'Make me,' Louis teased as he whizzed by. Harry smiled to himself as he put down the knife he was using to chop up vegetables, turned, folded his arms on his chest and looked in the direction of the living room where Louis was skating around the coffee table. He continued to smile to himself, fondly watching Louis skate expertly round the table a couple of times, a silly grin in his face. He knew that Louis was in one of his playful moods, one of those moods he used to taunt Harry enough to make him discipline him. Harry just loved how their relationship had taken this turn since they got back together. He loved how Louis let himself be submissive and let Harry dominate him. If Harry where to be honest with himself, he loved and adored a submissive Louis. He loved how he was discovering Louis' kinks and his own as well, things they never did before. This was another of Louis' kinks; being a mischievous shithead so Harry could reprimand him and punish him. Harry decided to play along. Louis came flying into the kitchen again but this time Harry was ready for him. As he went past him, Harry grabbed his tee shirt and pulled him off of the skateboard. Louis stumbled into Harry's rock hard chest with an 'oof' and the skateboard crashed into the fridge with a loud clang. Harry pressed Louis into the kitchen island, towering over him.

'I said no fucking skateboarding in the house! How many fucking times must I tell you that Louis? When are you going to learn to listen or do I have to fucking discipline you every time?' Harry told him in a deep, gruff voice, yet with a hint of playfulness to it. Louis looked up into Harry's serious face, if you could call his face serious because Harry always looked gentle regardless of how much he cursed and how tough he tried to sound and his knees felt weak, his stomach did a flip and his dick twitched in his shorts. He loved this side of Harry, the dominant side that manhandled him and punished him and sometimes he annoyed him on purpose just to bring this side out of him. Louis took in a deep shuddering breath, his blue eyes wide, eyelashes fluttering and tried to look innocent.

'Are you going to punish me?' he asked him in a small voice because deep down he really wanted Harry to punish him. It was hot. They had joked about this briefly, about how Harry had to discipline Louis if he kept acting like a child and the idea had thrilled both of them. Still, the opportunity had never risen for Louis to be punished even though he had tried to push Harry's buttons but Harry was calm and patient. Until now. Louis felt excitement bubble in him at the thought that Harry was going to go along with it this time. Harry kept his eyes tightly fixed into Louis'.

'Hmm I might since you never seem to fucking listen so you really leave me no other option do you? I just have to punish you,' Harry told him, his voice deep and low. Louis cocked up an eyebrow at him.

'Will you punish me if I say sorry?' Louis asked him seductively and sassily, batting his eyelashes at him. Harry bit his lower lip and looked at the ceiling, thinking. Then his hands moved down to Louis' ass and grabbed both cheeks in his large hands and squeezed, his fingers digging into the flesh.

'I'm afraid sorry doesn't cut it this time Louis. I think what you need is a good spanking because that's what naughty boys get when they don't behave,' Harry told him, his voice low and deep, his minty breath washing over Louis' face. Louis shivered internally as he imagined Harry's big ass hands spanking him hard. His heart beat faster and his dick twitched again agreeing to Harry's plan.

'Might do the job of putting me in my place,' Louis agreed. He turned his back to Harry and pushed his ass back right into Harry's semi-hard on. He rubbed his ass obscenely against Harry's dick, eliciting a moan from Harry's beautiful lips. Instinctively Harry pushed his hips into Louis' ass and rolled his head back onto his shoulders at the feel of Louis' ass rubbing against him.

'Dear God Louis, you are going to be the death of me,' he told him, his voice hoarse. Louis smirked at himself while continuing his assault, rolling his hips back on to Harry's now fully hard dick. Harry just couldn't take it anymore. He placed his hand in the middle of Louis' back and pushed him face down on to the kitchen island non too gently, making Louis gasp. He held him firmly down with one large hand splayed in the middle of his back while with his other hand he gripped the waistband of his shorts and boxers and had them round his ankles in a second. Harry bent over Louis, who was panting hard in anticipation.

'This is what you get for being a mischievous, headstrong little shit,' Harry whispered in his ear as he stood up and landed his open palm forcefully on Louis' bare bum. Louis jumped.

'Fuck Haz, that hurt,' he protested trying to get up but Harry held him down firmly.

'Good,' he told him, as he landed another hard smack on his butt cheek. 'That way you will remember not to be a fucking disobedient little prick and when I tell you not to do something you listen.' Another swat and Louis gasped loudly, scrunching his eyes tightly shut. Yes it hurt and his bum felt like it was on fire but fuck it was hot! Where had this version of Harry been hiding all his life?

'I'll behave,' Louis whined as another smack jolted him forward his hips smacking into the kitchen island, his dick now hard and full.

'Excuse me?' Harry asked him, trying to hold back a giggle and sound severe. 'I didn't quite catch that.'

'Fuck,' Louis hissed between clenched teeth.

'Language,' Harry told him as he landed another smack on his now red ass. Louis choked out a sob that turned into a moan. Harry's big ass hands hurt like a mother fucker! But damn he was good!

'I'll...I'll behave Haz,' Louis told him quickly. 'Please.'

'You'll behave and what?' Harry asked him delivering another harsh smack making Louis whine and buck forward.

'I'll...I'll listen to you when you tell me something,' Louis promised, blinking the tears from his eyes. Harry smiled and began caressing Louis' very red bum. It felt warm to the touch.

'Good,' he told him softly, 'now I'm going to make you feel good okay.' Louis gripped the edge of the counter bracing himself for what was coming next. 'Wait there and don't move,' Harry ordered, 'unless you want another spanking.' Louis simply nodded his head. Harry quickly exited the kitchen and was back in a second. 'Lube,' he told Louis. 'I don't want to hurt you.' Louis gulped. Harry rid himself of his shorts and boxers, placed his foot between Louis' feet and spread his legs apart. 'Beautiful,' he murmured. He quickly coated himself and placed himself at Louis'entrance, pushing himself gently inside Louis. Louis groaned loudly. Harry took both of Louis' hands releasing them from the tight grip they had on the counter and spread them out across the counter, lacing their fingers together, spreadeagled. Harry bent over Louis, his chest pressed to Louis' back. He placed kisses on the back of Louis' neck and between his shoulder blades, down his spine as he moved in and out of him at a fast, steady pace. Louis pushed his ass back on Harry taking him deeper inside of him.

'God Haz fuck you're so good at this.' Louis moaned in pleasure as Harry pounded into him. Harry smiled against Louis' overheated skin.

'Only for you baby,' Harry told him huskily as he continued to pound into Louis. He took his earlobe between his lips and sucked gently. 'Come for me untouched,' Harry demanded. Louis shuddered at the tone of authority in Harry's voice and nodded the best he could. Harry could feel his orgasm building. He straightened himself up and held Louis tightly by the hips, holding him firmly in place. He thrust in harder a few more times and spilled inside of him, just as Louis himself came all over the side of the kitchen island with a loud groan.

'Jesus fuck,' Louis whimpered, his legs shaking. Harry held him by the waist as Louis' knees buckled a little, careful to support his weight and not let him fall as he pulled out of him gently. Harry helped him straighten up and turned him around to face him. Louis looked dazed and fucked out.

'Are you alright?' Harry asked him a little worried because Louis looked totally wrecked. 'Did I hurt you too much? Was I too rough?' Louis was trying to catch his breath but he managed to smile up at Harry.

'You have one hell of a smack there with those big ass hands of yours! My ass feels like its on fire you big oaf!' Harry turned him around again and began inspecting the damage he did to his bum.

'Fuck,' he hissed, 'I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry Lou. I...I got carried away. Look what I did to your bum. ' Louis turned around and took Harry's hands in his own as soon as he saw the worried look on his face, the frown between his eyes and the panic in his voice.

'Hey hey its okay really. It was very enjoyable. Very hot.' Harry's beautiful frown deepened and a look of confusion crossed his face.

'Really? You liked that?' Louis chuckled at Harry's innocence.

'Yes you twat. I enjoyed that. You are my new kink.'

'I am?' Harry asked a smiles spreading on his beautiful lips, dimples popping. Louis stood on tiptoes and pecked his lips.

'Yes. Dom Harry is my fetish! Now get me some ice.' Harry nodded happily and hurried to the freezer, pulling out a bag of peas and handed it to Louis who placed it on his red ass. He sighed in relief and closed his eyes.

'Ahh,' he let out. Harry watched him with a mixture of love, fondness and adoration. This time their relationship was more interesting and his love for Louis was increasing if that was even remotely possible.

'Better?' Harry asked him and Louis nodded. 'Okay, now you clean up that mess you made on the kitchen island, while I clean up and finish lunch. We have to be in the studio in an hour to meet Niall and Liam and discuss songs for the next album.' With that Harry went off to the bathroom only to come back ten minutes later, dressed, his hair up in a bun and continued fixing their lunch.

After finishing their lunch amidst lots of complains from Louis to Harry about how kale salad is not an actual food and shouldn't be served as lunch and no wonder he always looked so fucking thin if all he ate was kale salads with a side of lettuce salad and Harry explaining to him that kale is good for him and is very nutritious unlike the junk food he liked so much, they were finally ready to go. Harry had the car keys in his hands and headed for the garage, Louis following him still stressing his point that greens were pointless and tasteless.

'We'll take the Range Rover today so you can crouch in the back seat easily,' Harry explained to Louis. Louis huffed and pouted. Harry walked over to him, placed his finger under his chin and raised his face up to meet his gaze. 'Lou be patient okay. There will come a day where all this won't be necessary. We'll get there. Slowly but surely. We're risking it as it is since paps assume I live here ALONE so you can't been seen leaving with me. They will definitely be outside. They always hang outside to see who's coming and going but we should be okay. The glass is tinted so you won't be seen. Please Lou. As long as we are together and as long as its you and I, none of this matters. Who cares how we come and go as long as we do? The whole world can't know about us. Yet. Please don't be sad Louis. We have each other. You are my world and I am yours and we're happy and that's all that matters.' Louis sighed and smiled up at him as Harry bent down and pecked his lips lovingly.

'You're right,' he told him because he really didn't want to make Harry sad about something so petty about leaving the house unseen and they were having so many good times enjoying each other and reconnecting to let something like this effect their moods. 'As long as we are together. And besides, I can't sit properly you fucking twat. My ass hurts.' Harry laughed his dimpled smile and cupped Louis' face, placing a soft kiss on his lips.

'I am so sorry. How about I will kiss it better for you later hmm?' They both smiled against each others lips. Louis hummed against Harry's lips.

'I like the sound of that, you kissing my ass,' Louis told him cheekily. Harry kissed him again, his lips lingering on Louis, then he pulled back, still smiling and opened the back door of the Range Rover. Louis slipped inside, crouching down behind the seats.

'Are you okay like that?' Harry asked him wanting to make sure that Louis was comfortable. Louis nodded. 'I'll make a quick exit,' Harry told him. 'It's not that far to the studio.' Harry closed the car door then got in the driver's seat and pulled a small remote control which opened the garage door. Once it was open, he sped down the driveway. As he had thought, there were a couple of paps on the other side of the road who immediately started snapping pictures and yelling questions at Harry but Harry just sped up and drove past them towards the studio. The drive only took ten minutes. When they got there, Harry parked at the back of the building in the space closest to the studio door. He got out, opened Louis' door and held out his hand which Louis took and Harry helped him out. Louis stepped out into the empty parking lot and stretched.

'You okay?' Harry asked him, taking his hand and squeezing it gently. Louis smiled at him.

'I'm fine Haz. Please know that I'll do whatever it takes to be with you. Anything such as a short car ride crouching in the back seat is nothing really compared to being with you.' Harry smiled back at him, wanting to wrap him in his arms and hug him tightly but he didn't dare do it out in the open as they were. Together, side by side, the backs of their hands brushing, they walked into the studio.


	70. Chapter 70

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey loves I'm back. I am so sorry I have missed a few updates. With Christmas coming up, things have been a bit hectic round here. Been out of the house quite a bit so I didn't have time to sit and write but I will try and do a double update today to make up for my losses. Also, Harry's album!!!! I'm so in love with it. Been listening to it on repeat. I love it. A masterpiece. I hope you are still reading Outing Larry. Hope you will enjoy these updates. All the love, M.

OTRA SUMMER

 

They had been back on tour for two weeks now. It was lovely and relaxing to be on break and do nothing but take it easy for a while, be lazy and spend time with family and friends but they loved being back doing what they loved even though that meant being rushed from airport to airport to cars, venues, different hotels, living out of suitcases, performing to thousands and a life that was on the go 24/7. Still, they loved what they did and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. And, this time things were different. Being a foursome had it's perks even though they still missed Zayn. The four of them had become closer somehow as if Zayn's leaving had bonded them together tighter than before. Louis and Harry were happily falling in love with each other all over again and couldn't hide their happiness. They were standing next to each other much more during shows and interviews and joked around onstage. There was much more interaction between them then there had been in the past months and the fans picked up on it immediately. Every little thing they did, being it a simple look, an accidental touch, though anything was far from accidental with them, or simple interaction on stage, the fans amplified it on Twitter and Tumblr. Larry was alive again and they were living proof of it. They were not hiding their little PDAs and they had no intention to. Drew had called them a number of times and told them to stop with the PDA and warned them that there would be consequences but Louis and Harry lived in their own little world, a bubble of love and romance and summertime and butterflies and they were happy. Nothing and no one could take that away from them.

They arrived at venues together and after the concert was over, they left together. Yes management booked them into different rooms and sometimes different hotels even to keep them apart but somehow Louis always ended up in Harry's suite where they would shower together, order room service and spend the night cuddling and making love. Sometimes Louis had to stunt, go out clubbing when management forced it and he had to be papped leaving a club with some girl or another. He had gotten used to it now and it wasn't so bad if only to keep management off their backs and let them love in peace.If having Louis be seen with a girl made them content and happy, then Louis would do it. Louis could handle all this because he knew that he had Harry waiting for him back at the hotel. And also he had agreed to do all the stunting because he didn't want Harry to have beards and do stunts. He knew Harry hated stunting and felt uncomfortable so Louis took it upon himself to do the pap walks and bearding. He still couldn't handle seeing Harry with a beard and he didn't want Harry to feel uncomfortable and do something he wasn't happy doing. He wanted Harry to be happy and right now Harry was very happy and that was all that mattered to Louis.

They had just arrived in Belgium that morning. They had the day to relax before that night's concert. The four of them were lounging in the coffee shop of the hotel, sipping tea and cappuccino's, their security close by making sure they had some private time and no fans mobbed them. Louis sat close to Harry, holding his hand underneath the tablecloth that covered the table, his knee resting against Harry's thigh while Harry dreamily looked at Louis and traced circles with his thumb on the back of his hand. Louis couldn't help the peaceful, fond smile on his face as he took a sip of his tea. It wasn't Yorkshire or Earl Grey but still good.

'Let's surprise the girls tonight,' he suddenly told the others. All three faces stared at him with questioning eyes.

'Surprise them? How?' Liam asked. Louis looked at Harry then back at Liam.

'Let's include "18" in the set list tonight,' Louis told them, a soft serene smile of his lips. Niall smiled and looked from Harry to Louis.

'That's your song. Are you sure you want to do this? Your Larry babies will go crazy.' Louis smiled his eye crinkling smile and squeezed Harry's hand.

'I do,' he said then looked at Harry. 'Do you want to H?' Harry nodded enthusiastically.

'I do yeah,' he said happily. Louis wanted to do 18, live! That was THEIR song. Ed had written it for them about their love because Ed had witnessed their love begin, take root and grow. Liam grinned.

'Good. That's settled then. We'll go in to rehearsals a bit early then to inform the band.' Louis smirked at his friends, his blue eyes shining.

'Also,' he said softly, 'I want to sing "No Control". I'm ready!' Harry straightened up in his chair, his mouth slightly open, gaping at Louis.

'You want to do it?' he asked him surprised. Louis nodded still smiling.

'It's the perfect timing innit?' Louis pointed out. Niall laughed loudly.

'All the make up sex you two have been having has finally got you ready to sing about it then,' he exclaimed as he laughed out really loud. Louis threw a bunched up napkin at Niall.

'Shut up asshole,' he told him, a blush creeping on his cheeks. He cast a look at Harry from beneath his lowered lashes and Harry melted and fondly smiled at him, as the shared knowing glances that only the two of them knew what they were referring to, their minds going to the mind blowing sex that had indeed been having, making up, rejoining, restarting.

'Stop,' Niall told them playfully still laughing. 'You two are so in love its disgusting!' But Harry and Louis just kept eye fucking each other, holding hands under the table, playing with each others fingers as Louis crossed his foot over Harry's. He wanted to take Harry up to their room and fuck him into the mattress, show him how much he meant it, give him something to think about while later tonight he sang "No Control" because Louis had zero control when it came to Harry. Liam rested back in his chair and smiled contentedly at his friends. It had been a while since there was this peaceful, easy feeling in the band and he relished it.

'We will do it then. Tonight we'll surprise the girls with "18" and "No Control" and let Larry come alive. I'm up for it,' he said grinning.

'I'm up for it,' Niall said smiling widely. Louis and Harry looked at each other smiling brightly.

'We're up for it,' they said together.

'Of course you bloody are!' Niall said.

 

They stood huddled backstage hugging each other and smiling as they listened to the intro music start up and the crowd screaming. They stood in a circle, arms draped over each others shoulders, except Louis who had his arm draped around Harry's waist, holding him close to his side, Harry's arm wrapped securely around his shoulder.

'Here we go,' Harry told them in a happy voice. 'Let's do what we do best. Have a good one yeah.' They all agreed and before going on stage, Harry turned to Louis and cupped his face in both his hands, raising his face up to his and kissed him lovingly on the lips. 'I will sing for you tonight my love,' Harry told him huskily. Louis grinned like a teenager in love, completely smitten by Harry.

'Eww get a room you two,' Niall told them playfully, nudging Louis gently. Louis winked at him, a mischievous smile on his lips and glint in his blue eyes.

'Oh we will after this show is done.' Niall shook his head and looked fondly at his friends as they held hands, their fingers intertwined while waiting for their cue to go on stage.

'I'm jealous of you guys. You are so in love and so made for each other. I mean you even matched outfits for tonight! Both in black! Will I ever find a love like yours?' Liam clapped Niall on the back.

'Patience Niall, we will all get our Larry love story one day.' Their stage manager signaled for them that it was time to go on. Louis squeezed Harry's hand before he let go even tohugh he wanted to go on stage holding Harry's hand and give their management team a stroke! Harry smiled devotedly at him. Liam rolled his eyes and smiled at them.

'Try not to make it too obvious out there. You are oozing love for each other,' Liam told them with a smile as they all rushed onstage to loud screams from their fans. It was beautiful. Everything was just perfect. The connection they had with their fans was amazing, the way they sang and the girls sang back to them. It felt incredible to sing to 80,000 people and have 80,000 people sing right back to you! Harry felt light hearted and happy being out here onstage with the love of his life by his side. They gave each other small smiles and nods of acknowledgment each time they read some sign the fans had regarding Larry. They both noticed all the rainbow signs!

Then it was time for "18". Harry felt excited and nervous because this was their song and he couldn't help the light shaking of his hands. It was personal. As the first notes started up and the crowd recognized the tune, they went wild. Louis' heart leaped to his throat and he suddenly felt overwhelmed with emotions. He gripped the microphone stand tightly hoping that by having something to hold on to, it would help keep him up because his knees honestly felt weak and his legs rubbery. This was their song and for the first time ever they were singing it to their fans, the song that described their love. He and Harry were standing next to each other. They had insisted on standing next to each other. Harry launched into the song and Louis melted on the inside as he heard his deep voice carry out over the stadium. The love he felt for his man was just too big to fit inside him and he was afraid it was going to burst out of him in a flash of glittering rainbow colors and shower everyone in it.

 

I got a heart  
And I got a soul  
Believe me I will use them both  
We made a start  
Be it a false one, I know  
Baby, I don't want to feel alone

 

Harry just couldn't help himself. He turned and faced Louis. He knew it was too much, too open and too obvious but he really didn't care in that moment. And when he turned, he found Louis turned towards him singing to the chorus and their eyes met and their hearts reached out to each other, holding on and they were aware that the crowd was witnessing this and that they were giving them Larry at its finest but they couldn't find it in themselves to care. They were wrapped up in their own bubble of love and it felt good and right and perfect. And the screams of the crowd wrapped them in a soft blanket of love and support and they reveled in it, feeling for the first time in ages that it could, might be okay that they were together and that their fans would accept their love. They were nearing the end. Louis kept his body turned to Harry as he sang:

 

I have loved you since we were 18  
Long before we both thought the same thing

 

Harry smiled softly trying not to be too obvious even though it was a little too late for that. You sure have loved me, he thought to himself but he replied to Louis with:

 

To be loved and to be in love.

 

Louis lowered his eyes to the floor, a blush creeping up his cheeks because yeah he was loved and in love and Harry was saying it out in the open in front of thousands. He was totally whipped and gone for Harry. That beautiful man that everyone wanted and desired, belonged solely to him and Harry only had eyes for him. Louis felt happy and complete.

The concert continued with all four boys interacting with the fans and each other, Harry prancing around like a baby deer. The atmosphere was happy and relaxed and they all felt content and at peace. It had been a while since there was this happy mood among them. Then it was time for "No Control". As the first notes started, the crowd went berserk and Louis' nerves began to jingle. He swallowed hard suddenly doubting himself if he could actually do this. He was beginning to freeze but then Harry gave him a look, a nod and a small smile which meant "you got this" and Louis forgot all about his fear and insecurities and launched into "No Control" and his voice rang out so perfect over the stadium. Harry went crazy jumping around and singing, encouraging the crowd to sing along with Louis. Not that he needed to! They were backing Louis up perfectly. Harry felt proud of his boy and his heart was swelling to thrice its size. Not to mention how he was getting horny. Hearing Louis sing the song he wrote about their sex was enough to make him hard in his skin tight jeans and knowing that the fans "highly suspected" made it even better. They were putting it out there. He wished he could get Louis alone right now. Oh how he wanted that! He cast him a longing look and saw his happy face, cheeks red, eyes shining while caught up singing his song and Harry wanted so much to slam him against a wall.....his cock twitched. He groaned inwardly and tried to divert his thoughts somewhere else unless he wanted their girls to paste his boner all over Twitter. They had no shame and they would do it if they noticed it! Because Harry had to face it; they missed nothing!

The song ended and Louis sighed with relief. His face was bright red and his eyes alight and bright with satisfaction. He had done it! And he had done it right! He was so happy and pleased. He knew how critics always attacked his voice like they knew it was his weakness, well let them attack now. He watched as Harry interacted with the audience, captivating them, making them laugh and talking to them as if he was talking to friends. It was one of Harry's best qualities that even though he was super famous and equally super hot, he remained humble. He remained just Harry. He treated everyone as if they were important and the fact that he made them feel like they mattered made him even more loveable. Louis reached for a bottle of water, taking a vocal break beside Niall and Liam while Harry talked and pranced up and down the catwalk like Bambi, his long hair flying behind him. Suddenly Louis froze and nearly choked on the water he was drinking.

'Give me an ohhhh baby yeah,' Harry screamed into the microphone and immediately he was rewarded with a loud "oh baby yeah" from the fans. Louis looked at him, his jaw slack, mouth open as Harry screamed again.

'Give me an ohhhhh yeah!' Louis stared at him in disbelief. Was this motherfucker letting them know how he sounds in the bedroom while he was wrecking him and making him come hard? Niall and Liam laughed loudly at what Harry was doing. Louis leaned closer to Niall and whispered:

'Harry is fucking with me.' Liam and Niall looked at him and chuckled as they saw the strained look on his face and desire in his eyes. They knew exactly what Harry was doing to Louis! Just then Harry screamed again, his moan echoing all around the stadium, amplified and deep making Louis feel like he was about to come in his pants.

'Ohhhhhh babyyyyy yeahhhhh,' Harry groaned out, with his head thrown back and eyes closed and the crowed replied back. Louis swallowed hard as he realized to his horror that yes, Harry was actually using his bedroom voice while screaming out his orgasm to thousands of people! It made Louis hot and bothered and his dick was pressing hard into the zipper of his jeans and he could already feel a wet spot beginning to form right behind his zipper. Fucking Harry! He was thankful that his tank top covered him because fuck yeah Harry was giving him a boner right on stage. The things his boy came up with! What had possessed him to do this? Louis found it extremely hot and he couldn't wait to get this motherfucking dork of his alone. He would definitely punish him for outing his orgasm cry out in front of everyone. When Harry was done groaning and moaning and introduced the next song, he turned his back to the crowd to walk back to the others, he gave Louis a smirk and wink which said: you're not the only one who can give me a boner on stage. Louis made a mental note to pay him back in full with interests later tonight as he gave him a small sheepish smile and tried to fix himself the best he could.

The concert continued in happy harmony and friendly banter. Louis and Liam had a water fight on stage which ended up with the fans throwing water at them too. Liam and Louis could be such kids at times. Harry tried to concentrate on his lines and vocals but it was hard seeing a very wet Louis prancing around like a little kid with his tank top clinging to his body and his hair dripping wet. Harry was already imagining his hands roaming Louis' body, pinning him to the bed and....Harry quickly changed his thinking course because he really didn't want a boner right now. Louis was again stunned when Harry seductively pole danced with the microphone stand, going lower and lower till he was squatting and looking like a proper slut! Seeing him squatting there while twerking his ass, made Louis harder because that was almost Harry's position when he rode him and Louis was having difficulty breathing seeing Harry pull this shit in front of everyone.

Thankfully they were at their last song and Harry honestly couldn't wait to get off stage and into Louis' arms. As the final music played, they thanked everyone for the millionth time, wished everyone a good night and a safe journey home, then they were rushing back stage. As soon as they stepped off stage, sweaty, hearts beating fast and full of adrenaline, Harry turned to Louis who had just came in after him, wrapped his arm around his waist and crushed his lips to his, catching Louis a little off guard. Harry just shoved his tongue in Louis' mouth wanting to taste him and feel him, their tongues colliding together. Louis stood on tip toes and threw his arms around Harry's neck crushing his body into Harry's bigger frame, desperately needing contact. They could hear whistles and laughter from those around them then Niall:

'Eww you two can you not?' Harry and Louis stopped kissing but their lips hovered and lingered over each others, panting hard, not really caring who was watching. They both smiled into each others lips as a tech removed their ear pieces, a smile on his face because he had seen this quite a few times since working with them.

'You were amazing out there,' Harry told him hoarsely, ignoring Niall's comment and the tech fumbling with his ear. Louis was breathing really hard against Harry's mouth.

'You weren't so bad yourself,' he told him as he kissed him softly. Liam cleared his throat.

'Guys I know you....' Harry grabbed Louis' hand tightly in his as the tech finished removing Louis' ear pieces.

'We gotta go. See you tomorrow yeah?' he cut Liam off as he pulled and tugged Louis towards the back exit where their van was waiting for them. Louis looked back at Niall and Liam and shrugged, mouthing"sorry" but with a wicked smile on his face as he jogged to keep up with Harry's long strides before he pulled his arm right out of its socket. Harry opened the van's door and practically shoved Louis inside then slid himself on the seat next to him and slid the door closed. Immediately he attacked Louis' lips kissing him hungrily, one hand on his crotch palming him fervently. Louis was feeling too much but didn't push Harry away. Instead he fisted his sweaty t-shirt and pulled him even closer, wanting to be one with him. He was horny as fuck and by the feels of it, so was Harry. Harry pulled back and began kissing Louis' neck, sucking and biting at his skin. Suddenly Louis pushed him off of him and Harry stared in him in wonder. Louis eyed him.

'You have been a fucking naughty boy tonight you know that right?' Louis asked him in a stern voice. Harry felt his cock twitch. Here was dominant Louis surfacing again and Harry knew that Louis would want him to be submissive. Harry looked down but before he could answer, the driver got in the van and started the engine up, pulling out of the stadium's parking lot. They straightened themselves, Harry looking down at his feet while Louis looked ahead yet his hand was on the inside of Harry's thigh and it was slowly climbing upwards. When it rested it on his crotch, Louis leaned over and whispered in Harry's ear:

'Not a sound,' he ordered. Harry bit his lower lip as he felt Louis palm him, the heel of his hand digging into his hard dick that was painfully straining against his tight jeans. Louis continued to touch him and Harry whimpered softly but Louis was quick to give him a warning look and Harry was quick to press his lips together to stop any more whimpers from falling out. He closed his eyes and prayed to God that they would get to the hotel as soon as possible before he came in his jeans.

After a while, Louis removed his hand and Harry exhaled slowly, opening his eyes to see that they had arrived at the hotel. The arrangement today was that Harry was to enter the hotel through the lobby and then Louis would be driven to the back entrance. They couldn't afford to be seen arriving together at the hotel. So Harry stepped out of the van and he was thankful that there were no fans. He was not in a position to pose for photos with girls. No with the huge boner in his pants! As soon as he entered the lobby, security came over handing him the key card to his room. Harry quickly thanked him and hurried to the elevator. He pressed the button to their floor and the door pinged open. He stepped inside and it closed silently behind him. After a short ride up but which to Harry seemed infinitely long, the elevator opened on to their floor. As Harry stepped out into the carpeted corridor, the other elevator pinged open and he saw Louis step out of it.

'There you are,' Harry breathed in relief as if they had been apart for hours instead of mere minutes. Louis looked at him and grabbed the key card from his hand. He placed the card under the door handle and the light on it turned green, giving a soft click. Louis opened the door but did not go in, instead keeping it open for Harry to walk in before him. No sooner had they walked into the suite and the door closed shut behind them, Louis' phone rang. He pulled it out of his back pocked and looked at the screen.

'Shit,' he muttered. Harry was beside him and saw that it was Drew calling, probably to tell them off as to why they hadn't consulted him or anyone else that they were going to change the set list. Harry gently took the ringing phone out of Louis' hand and turned it off, throwing it on to the couch.

'Not tonight,' he simply told Louis. He knew that if Louis took that call, he would probably end up in an argument with Drew and with Drew throwing a lot of threats towards Louis, putting Louis into a sour mood. Tonight was theirs and theirs alone. They wanted to celebrate each other without any distractions. He took both of Louis' hands in his and shook them gently to get his attention. 'Hey,' he told him softly. Louis met his gaze, his blue eyes dark, pupils dilated.

'Don't you fucking hey me after that stunt you pulled on stage,' Louis told him playfully but sternly. Harry's stomach did a flip of excitement. He had missed this side of Louis. He did like to be dominant with Louis but he loved to be his sub more. Louis began walking into the room, forcing Harry to walk backwards. 'Do you know how you sounded out there in front of everyone? You sounded like you were having a fucking orgasm and coming in your pants right there on stage. Do you know how that made me feel hmmm?' Louis asked him. Harry kept his eyes down and shook his head. Louis put a hand on Harry's chest and pushed him till he sat down on their huge bed. 'Do you know how sinful you looked working yourself on that microphone stand out there, squatting and twerking your ass? You made me very very horny you naughty, filthy boy.' Louis grabbed Harry's curls in his fist and pulled, tilting Harry's head back so he could look into those piercing green eyes. He leaned down and pushed his tongue into his mouth kissing him hungrily. Louis pulled back. 'Undress,' he ordered.

Harry quickly scrambled off the bed wanting to please Louis and commenced to take off his boots. Louis sat down on the edge of the bed.

'Slowly,' Louis commanded. Harry straightened up and took in a deep breath. Okay, so Louis wanted slow. Okay. He was so horny he knew that if he didn't get any friction soon and some kind of relief, he was sure he would explode but he would obey Louis. He took off his boots slowly then slowly lifted his tee shirt up over his head and threw it on the floor, shaking his hair out in the process. Louis licked his lips. He had the magnificent, beautiful Harry fucking Styles all to himself, undressing for him and soon, he will be fucking into him, touching him the way no one else would ever touch him and feeling him in a way no one else would ever feel him as he unraveled him bit by bit until he came undone, a sight for Louis' eyes only. Harry kept his eyes locked into Louis' as he agonizingly slow popped the button of his jeans and dragged the zipper down as if in slow motion, hissing as he touched his hard dick. Louis shuddered. Then Harry dragged his tight jeans inch by inch down his long legs till he finally pulled them off and stood in front of Louis in just a black thong. Louis' eyes went wide and when Harry saw the surprised look on Louis' face, he did a turn around for him slowly, taking his time to let Louis view his ass. Louis felt his throat got dry.

'Wow,' he said hoarsely. Harry turned to face him and put his hand on his hip, cocking it to the side.

'You like what you see?' he drawled.

'Fuck Harry, yeah fuck I do baby come here.' Harry strutted over to him and stopped right between Louis' open thighs. Louis ran his hands up the back of Harry's thighs until he cupped his bare bum cheeks in his tiny hands. He kneaded the round mounds and Harry moaned softly. Louis placed kisses on his stomach, tracing his butterfly tattoo with the tip of his tongue, then down to his belly button and down his happy trail, then placed open mouthed kisses over his laurel tattoos, gently sucking at his skin. Harry ran his hands through Louis' hair and closed his eyes at the pleasure Louis was making him feel. Louis looked up at him through his lashes.

'When did you find the time to buy this?' he told him as he took the thong between his fingers, pulled and let it snap back against Harry's skin with a loud thwack. Harry blushed.

'I had it for a while but we uhm never ugh got the chance to use it,' he told him quietly. Louis bit his lower lip.

'You're so fucking hot Haz. Gonna fuck you so hard for being so naughty tonight. You know you shouldn't use your bedroom voice out of our bedroom and you used it out there for everyone to hear how filthy you get when I give it to you.' Harry groaned in his throat. Louis' words were making him so hard he felt as if he was going to faint. He had missed his dominant Louis so so much. He liked it when Louis manhandled him and was a little rough with him. 'Get on the bed,' Louis ordered. 'Now!' Harry quickly scrambled up on the bed, trying to coordinate his long limbs. He lay still, his head on the pillow, waiting for Louis to give him further instructions. Louis undressed and climbed on the bed, one knee at a time then crawled over to lay on top of Harry. Harry looked up at him.

'Please Lou,' he whispered. Louis pecked his lips as he ground down on him, their dicks rutting against each other even though Harry was still wearing his thong.

'Please what?' Louis asked him fingering the thong strap and grounding down on Harry.

'I..I need to...I'm so hard Lou,' he whined. Louis chuckled.

'I can feel that. And you're wet too. I haven't even touched you and you're leaking for me,' he said huskily and Harry wanted to cry because if Louis kept on talking to him this way he was just going to come and that would be the end of it and Harry rather preferred to come while Louis was balls deep inside him. 'On your stomach,' Louis ordered as he moved off Harry. Harry quickly flipped on to his stomach and waited. Louis straddled his thighs, caressing his exposed ass. His hands were gentle and soft on Harry's over heated skin and with each caress, Harry moaned softly and pressed his hips down into the mattress wanting some friction on his dick. Suddenly, Louis' hand came down hard on his ass making Harry shriek out.

'Ahhh,' Harry whined.

'That's what naughty boys get,' Louis said landing another hard smack making Harry cry out. 'You do not tell thousands of people how you sound in the bedroom Harry, you just don't!' Another smack made the tears spring into Harry's eyes. 'That's private, just for you and me but there you were moaning and whining filthily for everyone to hear.' He landed another two sharp smacks on Harry's bum, the skin now red and warm to the touch. 'It is not right to make me horny out there Harry when you knew I couldn't do anything about it. Do you think this punishment is fair for what you did?' Louis asked him, smacking him hard again.

'Y-yes I...I'm s-sorry I...I was a...a t-tease,' Harry whined. Louis smacked him again, twice, one on each cheek.

'Good boy,' Louis said now caressing the flaming red skin.

'P-please,' Harry begged. Louis leaned over and placed kisses at the bottom of his spine.

'What do you need H?' Louis asked him, his hot breath on Harry's lower back.

'I n-need y-you. I n- need to c-come Lou please,' Harry croaked out. Louis smiled against Harry's skin.

'Not just yet. I ain't done punishing you yet baby,' Louis said and Harry wanted to cry because he desperately needed Louis' dick to fill him up and make him come.

An hour later, Louis flopped down on top of Harry spent, letting all his weight down on Harry's sweaty body, both of them panting really hard. He didn't move out of Harry, still relishing the feel of Harry clenching around him as they both came down from their high. Louis could feel Harry's heart thump thumping fast and hard against his cheek. Louis smiled, raised his head and looked at Harry who had his eyes closed, red lips parted and he really looked wrecked and fucked out. Louis placed a kiss on his chest right where his heart was beating fast.

'Harry baby are you with me love?' Louis asked him softly. He loved it when he fucked Harry so hard that he would get lost somewhere in oblivion and Louis had to coax him back to him. And he had a reason to be all spaced out. In the space of an hour he had made him come undone beneath him three times, the final time coming almost dry but crying out hoarsely as he did. Louis caressed his cheek. 'Baby come back to me.' Harry smiled a little and his eyes fluttered slowly open. He met Louis' smiley blue eyes.

'Hey baby,' Louis told him, 'welcome back.' Harry's dimples popped.

'Hi,' he said, his voice slow, hoarse and deep.

'How are you feeling?' Louis asked him as he gently pulled out of him. He saw Harry wince from sensitivity and a weak 'ahh' leave his lips. Louis rolled off of him so Harry could breathe easy. He watched as Harry's long legs went limp and Louis kinda felt sorry for him because he had really driven him hard tonight. Harry slowly turned on his side to face Louis, his body feeling heavy and numb, almost as if he was boneless.

'M'good,' he replied with a satisfied smile and his eyelids drooping. Louis looked at him with all the love in the world as he gently removed his long curls away from his sweaty face. Louis leaned down and kissed him gently, loving the feel of Harry's soft, swollen lips.

'Thank you,' Louis murmured against his lips. Harry looked at him through tired eyes.

'For what?' Louis caressed his face.

'For tonight. For last night. For tomorrow night and all the nights and days that will follow.' Harry giggled tiredly.

'You have become sappy,' he told him laughter in his voice.

'Better be sappy than an asshole,' Louis replied, placing a kiss on Harry's temple. Harry grinned, closing his eyes again. They felt too heavy.

'I love sappy Louis,' he admitted.

'You know,' Louis told him as he played with Harry's hair, 'we should write a song together for the new album. We've never written a song together.' Harry cracked his eyes open a little and looked at the love of his life with the messy sex hair.

'We should,' he said in a tired voice, 'but not about our sex life again.' Louis chuckled as he twisted a lock of Harry's hair around his index finger.

'Writing about our sex is amazing but no love. I was thinking more about telling the story of our early days, you and me when we caused trouble in hotel rooms and had those secret little rendevouz hmm? Remember them? Sneaking away from security for a few moments alone? Or sneaking away before interviews for quick blow jobs?' Harry snuggled closer to Louis and giggled happily.

'Hmm yeah those quickie, messy blow jobs in bathrooms, doing things we knew we shouldn't do. I miss those days.' Louis laughed as he placed a kiss on Harry's forehead.

'Those were perfect days,' Louis told him, remembering the early days of their relationship when it was still all so innocent and nobody had yet pushed them into a closet or made them be who they were not.

'Perfect,' Harry repeated, sighing contentedly. Louis smiled as his angel snuggled deeper into him.

'Maybe we should call it Perfect.' Louis suggested.

'Perfect,' Harry told him sleepily, as he yawned and closed his eyes.


	71. Chapter 71

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello beautiful people. Back with more Outing Larry updates!!!!! Now that A Darker Shade of Love is done and I uploaded my Christmas fic, I am going to concentrate on Outing Larry. I hope you are all still with me cos shit is going to fly now and good things are coming so buckle your seat belts cos we're going for a roller coaster ride. Many thanks as always for your support, your amazing comments that give me courage to write more and your beautiful DM's. You guys are so kind. If anyone wants to drop me a DM, (and I do love to chat lol) follow me @50ShadesofMags and if you want to keep up with what I'm writing or simply fics that I read and which I find great and want to share with you (also if you want me to put up your fics there drop me a DM) follow my account @DLarryLibrary. Hope you enjoy this chapter. All the love always, M.

Louis heard a faint buzzing vibrating sound but he was cuddled too comfortably around Harry to want to move. His head was on Harry's chest, his leg thrown over his hips and his arm securely wrapped around Harry's waist and he was so warm and relaxed but the buzzing vibrating sound continued and he had no choice but to raise his head off Harry's chest and blink sleepily in to the darkness trying to fathom what that sound was. As it continued to buzz and vibrate, Louis realized it was his phone. He rolled over and reached for his phone which was on his bedside table. He picked it up and scrunched his eyes at the harsh light from the phone screen that nearly blind him. It was three in the morning and his mum was calling. A feeling of dread and fear seeped through him. Had something happened to his family? He quickly got out of bed, not wanting to wake up Harry and walked out into the corridor in just his boxers,softly closing the door behind him. He swiped his phone.

'Hey mum,' he said yawning into the phone and rubbing his sleepy eyes. 'Its three in the morning why are you calling? What is it? Is something wrong?'

'Louis,' he heard his mum say faintly into the phone, her voice low. Louis startled awake.

'Mum what's wrong? Are you crying?' he asked suddenly alert all sleepiness gone.

'Louis,' she said again and he heard her sniff. Louis began to panic. Was it one of his sisters? Or his brother? His grandparents?

'Mum what is it? Are you hurt? Is it the kids? Mum for God's sake what's going on?' Louis nearly screamed into the phone as he began walking downstairs not wanting Harry to be roused by his loud, panicked voice.

'No Louis we are fine. Everyone is fine. I'm sorry about the hour sweetheart but....but h-have you been online yet?' she asked him and he could hear the tears in her voice.

'Oh thank God,' Louis sighed in relief as he flipped on the light in the kitchen. 'I thought something happened to you guys. No mum I haven't. I was asleep.' He yawned again.

'I'm sorry that I woke you darling. Did I wake Harry too?' Jay asked him.

'No he's still asleep,' Louis told her yawning loudly. There was a pause on the line. 'Mum what is it?'

'Honey I think you better go online,' she told him softly. Louis stretched and rolled his eyes.

'Mum just tell me what is it please as I would really like to go back to bed. The internet can wait,,' Louis told her as he rubbed his tired eyes. He could hear his mum take in a deep breath.

'Sweetheart there's news about you and...and a girl. She...she's pregnant with your baby.' It took a moment for Louis to register what his mum had just said.

'What?' Louis screamed into the phone nearly dropping it on to the tiled kitchen floor when he realized what his mum said. 'What are you saying mum?'

'Is it true baby?' Jay asked him, her voice breaking.

'What? Mum no what the fuck? I never slept with any girl,' Louis told her as he reached for Harry's lap top that was on the breakfast bar, pulled it to him and opened it. He turned it on and waited impatiently for it to load as he pulled out a stool and sat down heavily. The day hadn't yet begun and he could feel that is was going to be a bad day already. The laptop asked for the password and Louis types it in, rolling his eyes at Harry : 24121991. He was such a fucking sap! The laptop booted to life.

'Baby I'm so worried about you,' his mum said into the phone making Louis' heart race. He hated worrying his mother but he wasn't even sure what the hell was going on. 'The Sun gave a detailed article about you being the father of her baby,' Jay continued, choking back on a sob.

'That's all bullshit mum!' Louis growled into the phone. 'You know the shit The Sun posts. Fucking wankers.'

'Language Louis,' his mum scolded him softly. Louis knew his mum didn't like it when he used that kind of language especially around his siblings which he was always careful not to do, but this was ridiculous and he felt that this situation earned his foul language. Still, he felt the need to apologize to his mum.

'Sorry,' he mumbled as he went on Twitter and saw the headlines. 'Oh my God I know her,' he exclaimed into the phone.

'So its true?' his mother wailed. 'You got her pregnant? Oh my God Louis. What about Harry? What have you done?'

'Mum no! What the hell! I never slept with her I swear!' Louis argued as his mum cried on the phone. 'Mum please calm down. Listen to me please. I never slept with her. Trust me. Just trust me okay. None of this is true. Mum I'll call you later okay. I have to read about this but please don't worry. It's not my baby for sure. I swear to you. Trust me mum. I would never do something like that, not to you and definitely not to Harry. I haven't cheated on him. You raised me better than going around fathering babies mum. I'm pretty sure I know where this is coming from so please don't worry alright. I'll call you back as soon as I figure it out.' he told her softly. He heard his mother sniff.

'I trust you my darling and if you say that its not your baby, I believe you. Just please call me when you know what's going on okay. I love you baby so much.' Louis felt his throat tighten at his mother's words.

'I love you too mum. Just don't worry okay. I'll call you soon.' He hung up and began reading the detailed article of how apparently he got Briana Jungwirth, an L.A based stylist pregnant. According to the article she was twelve weeks pregnant. Twelve weeks? He tried to mentally remember when he had been introduced to her but his mind couldn't even think that far back because all his mind could think of was Harry and she had been just a girl that he had been introduced to by Cal. Nobody important enough that he should remember her! He read through the whole article and remained there looking at the screen in disbelief. So they had done it! Eleanor had been right. She had warned him about this and they had gone and fucking done it! He honestly didn't think they would stoop so low as to come up with this but they had and he had no idea how he was going to handle this. Or how it would effect his family. Or Harry. Harry. He ran his fingers through his hair and rested his elbows on the table.

Why did they have to do this now just when he was happy with Harry? That's why! Because you are happy with Harry, his subconscious shot at him. Because you two have been displaying a lot of PDA and they don't like it so they have to find ways to stop it and cripple you! Slander you! Assassinate your character! Turn you into your dead beat father who left you and never gave a shit about you. 

Louis continued to scroll through Twitter and he was disgusted to see that people were actually believing this shit. There was even a hash tag trending at number one #CongratulationsLouis. No! No what the fuck? There is nothing to congratulate me on, he thought to himself. He felt as if his world was going to collapse around him and he could do nothing to stop it. Where were his fans? Did they honestly believe he could do something like this? Where were all the Larries? Surely they had to KNOW he would never do this to Harry! He couldn't help the sob that escaped him or the tears that ran down his cheeks.

'Louis?' Harry's raspy voice brought his head up and immediately Harry was by his side when he saw that he was crying. 'Louis oh my God what is it love?' Harry asked him in his sleepy voice panicked, his eyes blinking in the light. 'Are you hurt? Are you in pain? Are you sick? Tell me Louis what is it?' Louis wiped his eyes and smiled weakly at Harry and at how he worried and fussed over him. It was so endearing that it made Louis cry even more. Trouble was coming and Harry didn't deserve it. No, Harry did not deserve the pain he was about to get. Again.

'I'm fine love. I'm not hurt or sick,' he told him, his voice thick with tears.

'Then what is it baby? You're scaring me.' Louis squeezed his hand. God he loved him. He loved him with a love that scared him.

'Sit down darling,' Louis told him as he pulled out a stool from underneath the breakfast bar for Harry to sit. Harry sat and looked at Louis who was emotionally struggling with something and Harry really wanted to know so he could make it better for him. Louis took hold of his hand and smiled at him again but Harry could see that his smile was full of pain and did not reach his dim blue eyes. 'Harry, do you remember when I told you that Simon would ruin me for fighting him over us. For not obeying and staying in line?' Louis asked him and Harry nodded once. 'Well its happening,' Louis told him, turning the laptop towards Harry so that Harry could see the headlines screaming at him from Twitter: 1D star Louis Tomlinson to become a dad with ex-girlfriend Briana Jungwirth.

Louis remained silent, eyes focused on Harry as he watched Harry read the article. He studied his expressions like how the corners of his mouth drooped and the frown between his eyes deepened. He could tell that Harry was shocked by the way his eyes widened a little. When he finished reading he raised his eyes and looked at Louis.

'Do you know her?' he asked him softly. Louis nodded. He was not going to lie to Harry or keeping him out of things like he had done before. Harry was going to be dragged into this as much as he was so he was going to be open with him. Harry had asked him not to keep anything from him again and Louis had no intention to. They had to be on the same page if they were going to get through this maelstorm of shit that was about to hit them.

'I met her once. She's a friend of Cal and Oli's.' Harry kept his eyes on Louis.

'Did you sleep with her Louis? Please be honest. If you slept with her while we were apart....'

'Harry I didn't!' Louis told him with a stern decisive voice. 'I swear to you on all that I hold most dear that I did not sleep with her.' Harry nodded once.

'So there is no way that any of this could be true is there?' Harry asked him, his voice holding a hint of dread. Louis' eyes grew wide and he slid off the stool and stood between Harry's long legs. He cupped his face in his small hands.

'Harry when I met her, you and I had just gotten back together. From what that article is saying about how far along she is, it doesn't even add up. It's all a lie. The time line is fucked up to make it look like I cheated on you but I met her when you and I had just gotten back together again, the day after I arrived in L.A. Harry I would never dream of cheating on you. I swear to God I didn't! Why would I lose what we have for her?' Louis spat as he pointed his finger at the screen to the picture of the blond girl standing behind him in a short mini skirt as they left the club. 'Harry I swear to you.... please believe me....I didn't....'

'Shh shh shh it's okay. I believe you baby. I know you would never sleep around. You never slept with Eleanor and you were with her for four years so I know you wouldn't just bed some girl to you met and cheat on me. I believe you baby.' Harry pulled him to his chest and Louis wrapped his arms around Harry's neck burying his face in the crook between Harry's neck and shoulder, letting out a breath of relief as they hugged each other tightly. Harry's words touched him deep, the fact that he trusted him and believed him was a great relief to Louis. He felt tears rim his eyes again at how emotional he was feeling.

'What am I going to do?' Louis whispered in Harry's neck, his voice choked. Harry rubbed his bare back up and down trying to comfort him.

'I don't know yet my love but we'll face this together. We'll fight it together. I'm not leaving you alone in this Louis. They are doing this to tear us apart again and we have to stand strong no matter what even if the band's future is on the line. We can't give in to this. I will not lose you again Louis. I just got you back and I won't let them take you away from me again and if it comes down to a choice between you and the band, I WILL choose you.' He felt Louis nod his head and hug him tighter.

'I won't let them take me from you either. They are going to ruin my reputation though,' Louis said quietly. Harry pulled back from the embrace and held him from the top of his arms.

'They can try but we won't let them okay.' Just then both their phones started ringing. Louis looked at Harry and blew out a breath.

'Guess everyone is waking up to the news,' he told him quietly. Harry calmly turned off his phone, then turned Louis' off.

'We will not talk to anyone right now. This is us time to figure out how we are going to handle this.' Harry paused and took Louis' hand in his. 'Louis, they won't ruin your reputation. Our families know you. They know you don't sleep around and they won't think any less of you because of all this made up shit. Our fans know you! Larries know you! They will know its all total bullshit and they will demolish the rumors and stand up and fight for you. They are the ones who are going to keep your reputation clear. Their voices will be heard. They can't quiet them. They haven't quieted them in five years so I doubt they can now. They will trash anyone who will say that that baby is yours. We need them right now more than ever and they will come through as always. I kinda feel sorry for the girl who is supposedly carrying your child. I wouldn't want to be in her shoes,' Harry paused and looked at the screen over Louis' shoulder. 'Which,' he continued, 'are really very ugly, horrible looking shoes.' Louis chuckled but his eyes were sad. Harry knew that this was going to take a huge toll on Louis. Louis loved kids and they were doing to him something he would never ever do: get someone pregnant, someone who he was not in a relationship with. 

'I'll make tea,' Harry told him as he placed a kiss on his forehead. 'I doubt we'll be going back to sleep now.' Louis nodded, sat back down on the stool and continued scrolling through Twitter. He was everywhere. Him and this Briana chick and her family and her cousin who he recognized as the one that had been dancing with Cal. He wondered if the girl was really pregnant and how they had gotten her to pin it on him or if it was all made up and there was no baby but then somehow they would make this baby disappear and blame it on him too. Louis sighed heavily and reached for his packet of cigarettes. He pulled one out and lit it. He inhaled deeply on the stick and exhaled slowly a white puff of smoke. Harry placed a mug of tea in front of him. Harry stroked his cheek with the back of his hand, feeling the stubble beneath his fingers. He sat on the stool next to him and sipped his tea.

'How bad is it love?' Harry asked him softly. Louis sighed.

'Well some believe it and some don't. The media is going crazy. They are asking for a comment from my rep. What the fuck am I supposed to tell my rep to tell them?'

'Nothing,' Harry said. 'You are going to say nothing.' Louis looked at him raising a questioning eyebrow at him so Harry continued :

'Nobody is going to say anything about this at least from your side. Let them speculate. Silence is an answer too Lou as long as you don't confirm anything. Even if you go out and say publicly that it's not your baby, they will make you look like a liar, that you are running away from your responsibilities and they will bring up your past meaning your absent dad Louis. They will say shit about your mum having raised you by herself so you will say absolutely nothing,' Harry explained.

'Haz, the media will go after the girl. She is going to say that it's my kid because they paid her to do it. It will be her word against mine. I need to have my say and defend myself.' Harry placed his hand over Louis' covering it.

'You don't have to defend yourself. The people who know you will not buy into it. They will see it for the stunt that it is. Silence is your best option here because you can't go up against them. If you go public denying that the baby is yours people are going to look at you as if you are trying to runaway from your responsibilities. They will make you look bad. The media will trash you. Don't fight this Lou or if we are going to fight it, we will do it legally.' Louis looked lost.

'How am I supposed to do that Haz? Fight them how?' Louis asked him sounding desperate.

'Baby we know it's a lie. That girl is not carrying your baby. They set this stunt in motion and we will put a stop to it.' Louis ran a hand through his hair.

'I don't know how the fuck we can do that,' he half whispered. Harry could see how worried he was. He got up and wrapped both his arms around him and pulled him into his chest hugging him tightly. Louis felt small and fragile in Harry's arms as he relaxed into the hug. Harry's arms felt secure around him. He felt protected. He felt safe. Harry kissed the top of his head.

'It will be alright. I'm not leaving you alone through this I swear Lou. We'll find a way to stop them I promise.'

The sun was just beginning to rise over the city of Los Angeles. Louis sat outside on the veranda and looked out at the beautiful sky in its shades of oranges and pinks, indicating another hot day. Harry came out with two plates and placed one in front of Louis. Louis looked at the plate then up at Harry who smiled broadly at him.

'Full English breakfast. Figured you need a good start to the day,' Harry told him as he sat his own plate of English breakfast in front of him and sat down next to Louis.

'I'm not that hungry Haz,' Louis told him as he continued to scroll through his phone on Twitter. Harry sighed and cast a worried look at Louis. He gently placed his hand on Louis' knee and squeezed it.

'Lou you can't not eat. What will it solve by you not eating hmm?' Louis kept his eyes locked on his phone.

'I said I'm not hungry. Let it go.' Harry swallowed because this version on Louis reminded him of horrible times and he didn't want to revisit those but he would be damned if he'd let Simon or anyone at Modest take Louis back into the darkness and away from him again. Harry reached out and plucked Louis' phone out of his hands and shoved it in his joggers pocket. Louis turned to look at him startled.

'What the fuck H? Give it back.' Harry kept his gaze soft on Louis.

'What for Lou? So you can torment yourself by what people are saying about you? Remember when I did that? When I cried and tormented myself because of what people were saying about me hmm? And what good did that do me? Please baby don't do this. People will talk regardless. Simon is giving you to the media and yes they will chew you up and spit you out but you have me beside you and we will get through this together. I'm not leaving your side. I don't care what they say Lou. I know you. The people that know you know that that baby is not yours and those are the opinions that should matter to you. Nobody else's.' Louis looked down and Harry saw his lower lip tremble.

'I..I hate that people see me like this...like I'm someone who sleeps around and gets girls pregnant then leaves them,' Louis said softly, his voice breaking slightly. Harry put his finger under Louis' chin and tilted his face upwards till his eyes met his.

'They'd rather make you look like that then letting the world know you are in love with me and that we are actually in a serious relationship. But now its not just about you and I Lou. Now its getting personal. They know we are leaving them so they want to ruin us before we sign with someone else. They want to break One Direction with the hope that no one else will sign us up but they don't know our fans. Our fans won't let us go and they won't buy into all this bullshit Louis. Trust them. I know we can't communicate openly with them and we can't talk about us or what life has been like for us personally and as a band. We can't say our version of things but one day we will. Please baby eat. We're in this together yeah.' Louis could feel his eyes burn. Harry became blurry and he realized he had tears in his eyes. Harry pulled him into a tight hug and he gently rubbed his back up and down. 'It will be alright Lou trust me. We'll get through this baby.' Louis pulled back and smiled weakly at Harry. He placed a soft kiss on his lips then pulled his plate close to him and eyed it.

'You went all out for breakfast didn't you?' he told Harry with a smirk as he took a piece of bacon off the plate and chewed it slowly. Harry grinned at him.

'I know you love your English breakfast and I always do it for you when we're back home. I thought it might make you feel better. They say when you're down or worried to eat comfort food. It should make you feel better.' Harry told him with a grin as he began eating his own breakfast. He watched Louis out of the corner of his eye and noticed that he was playing around with his food, silently sipping his tea. Usually he would've already cleared the plate and belched loudly while asking for another cup of tea. The doorbell pulled Harry out of his thoughts. He smiled at Louis.

'I'll get it love,' he told him as he pushed his chair back and placed his napkin on the table. He walked inside the house, through the living room and into the foyer. He opened the door and found Val, squinting in the early morning sun, in a black Slayer tank top, her tattoos all visible, black skinny jeans, her black framed glasses perched on her nose and freshly colored hair. This time it was black with bright red highlights, still pulled in a rather messy bun which she seemed to have no concept of how to do properly. Harry made a mental note to show her how its properly done without looking like bed hair.

'Hey,' Val told him, 'how is he? I came as soon as I saw it on Twitter.' Harry stepped aside to let her in and closed the door behind her. He sighed.

'He's taking it pretty bad Val. They are hitting him with what they know really hurts him. Louis loves kids and his dad left him when he was just a baby so they are hitting home with this shit. Val, he would never ever do this you know that right? They simply want to trash him.' Val squeezed Harry's forearm.

'I know Harry. I know he's not the type. I honestly didn't think they would sink this low and do this to him.' Harry looked at her.

'This isn't just about him anymore Val. Yes they are using him but this is about destroying us as a band before we leave them.' Val nodded.

'Yeah break the expensive toy because if I won't play with it nobody will.'

'Exactly,' Harry agreed with her.

'Can I see him?' Val asked him. Harry motioned for her to follow him.

'Yeah sure he's outside.' Val followed him through the house and on to the veranda where Louis was just sitting staring ahead, his plate abandoned, breakfast half eaten but his mug was empty.

'Baby,' Harry told him slowly as if afraid to startle him, 'look who's here to see you.' Louis looked up and when he saw Val he smiled at her.

'Hey your highness how's it going?' Louis told her with a smile on his face and even though he was trying to joke, Val caught the sadness in his voice. She smirked at him as she sat down in the vacant chair beside him.

'I'm good Mr. Sass. How are you?' she asked him and watched his face go serious. Before Louis could reply, Harry picked up the plates.

'Tea?' he asked them. They both nodded and he went inside giving them some privacy.

'You saw?' Louis asked her.

'I saw,' Val replied. 'As soon as I woke up and went through my feed and saw that shit I came straight here.' Louis kept his gaze over the pool, the morning sun shining on the clear blue water. 

'This will ruin things,' he told her quietly.

'As in how?' Val asked him. Louis reached over the table, took a cigarette and lit it.

'Well, there will be those who believe this and those who won't. The fandom will be split in half. Some will be hurt that I got a girl pregnant. Some will believe Larry is over. Some will insist that Larry never was since I am now going to be a dad. Some will insist Larry is real as ever and this is just a stunt to hide us more. Some will be happy for me that I am becoming a dad. Some will hate me for becoming a dad. Its all over Twitter already but that asshole in there took my phone so I can't keep up with what's going on. The point is, the rumors will keep spreading. It like starting a fire. As soon as the wind hits it, it will blow out of proportion. Not to mention my family and Harry's family.' Just then Harry came out carrying two mugs of tea. He placed one in front of Val and one in front of Louis.

'Cheers,' Louis told him. Harry smiled at him and ran a hand lovingly over Louis hair. Louis looked up at him smiling fondly. 'Can I have my phone back?' he asked him. Harry bent down and placed a kiss on his lips.

'Enjoy some quiet time love. Stay away from social media for a while okay. Its only gonna grow and it will make you sad and anxious and I don't want that for you. Please Louis relax for a bit. You've been tense all morning and you hardly ate. You will eat lunch though.' Louis rolled his eyes.

'Alright dad!!!' Harry chuckled and kissed him again.

'I love you. Remember you are very loved okay.' Louis couldn't help but smile at his giant, dorky, goofy, curly partner.

'I love you too,' Louis said as he fisted Harry's tee shirt and pulled him down for another kiss, this one lingering a bit more. Harry pulled back and caressed Louis' cheek with the back of his hand.

'I'll leave you two for a bit while I make a phone call and prepare lunch. Val you're staying for lunch okay,' he told her and walked inside without waiting for her to reply.

'No fucking kale shit salad H!' Louis called after him then smiled and shook his head fondly.

'Aww you two are so cute,' Val told him happily. 'It's so nice to finally see you like this. You both deserve this. And Harry takes good care of you.'

'He does,' Louis said still smiling. 'He's the only constant in my life. The only one I can truly depend on. He is my anchor Val to keep me grounded and my compass to lead me home when I'm lost. I am so lucky to have him. He doesn't deserve all this shit.' His voice broke. He took a sip of tea to hide his emotions. Val reached over and gently squeezed his arm.

'He's a big boy. He can handle it and he's lucky to have you too. You are both each others point of reference. You both hold each other steady. Two pieces of the same puzzle that makes it whole. That's why you will get through this together. Let Simon and Modest throw all the shit they want Louis. Let them. The people who are important to you both will not believe this. Most of your fans won't believe this and from what I've seen on Twitter and Tumblr they are already disowning it. Just have faith Louis. They will not keep getting away with it.' Louis sighed heavily.

'I'm just so tired. All I want is to be with Harry in peace and make music, perform, treat my family. That's all.' Val took a sip of her tea.

'Nothing comes easy in this life but trust me when I tell you that things will get better and this is just another obstacle for you and Harry to get over.' Louis looked at her.

'You never asked me,' he told her.

'Never asked you what?' Val asked him.

'If there is any truth to it. If there is any chance that the baby is mine.' Val scoffed.

'Not a chance my love. You're too gay for Harry to be thinking about sleeping with women.' Louis chuckled.

'You little shit,' Louis told her playfully. Val snatched one of his cigarettes and lit up.

'Besides,' she told him, 'the only babies you will ever have will be with your husband,' she told him with a twinkle in her eyes.

'Eh I wish,' Louis told her longingly. 'I doubt that will never happen.'

'Never say never Lou. Stranger things have happened. Don't lose hope.' Just then Harry walked back out on to the veranda and Louis held his breath when he imagined Harry being his husband and they having babies together. Harry would be an amazing dad. It was all he wanted out of life to marry Harry and have babies together. Harry saw Louis staring at him.

'What's wrong love?' Harry asked him. Louis smiled at him.

'Nothing babe just missed you s'all,' Louis told him feeling his heart hammer against his ribs. He wondered if Harry would ever stop having this effect on him and he doubted he would. Harry gave him a smile.

'I was on the phone with Irving. Love we have a meeting with him tomorrow.' Louis looked at him confused.

'With Irving? Why?' Harry placed his hand on Louis' shoulder and squeezed it gently.

'Just don't worry about anything baby okay. I told you we will face this together so trust that we will. I'm going to do all I can to stop them from hurting you anymore. I love you and it pains me to see you being used like this. Just wait until tomorrow okay.'

'H, what did you do?' Louis asked him, his voice worried. Harry kissed him gently on the lips.

'Tomorrow.'


	72. Chapter 72

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys back with an other chapter because I didn't want to leave you hanging again. How are you all doing? I hope not too stressed about the whole baby and Briana thing! Fret not my darlings its all good. Just Larry on. Hope you enjoy this one. All the love, M.  
> PS : just a little information. Parisha Shrestha really exists. She is my friend who is (or was) studying to become a lawyer. She loves Harry and is a big Larry and I asked her if she would like to be in Outing Larry (I love to use real people in my stories, turn them into characters) and so I made her up like this (hence why she is a bit of a fan lol)

Harry parked in the underground parking at the Azoff's building. He turned off the engine and looked at Louis who was sitting in the passenger seat looking sad and lost in his thoughts. Harry hated that Louis was far away from him even if it was just in his thoughts. He wanted his thoughts. He wanted to know what he was thinking but Louis had been locked up in himself ever since the baby news broke out. He had to admit that it was a mess. Many seemed to believe that Louis was indeed the father of the baby and that hurt Louis immensely. After all, it was what Simon and management had intended when they had put it out there, for people to believe that Louis had fathered a child during one of his inebriated nights and Harry knew that it upset Louis a lot. Harry sighed, got out of the range rover and walked to the passenger side, opening the door for Louis to step out.

'You good?' Harry asked him. For the past two days, Louis had been restless and anxious and nervous. All that was going on was getting to him pretty bad. Louis stepped out of the car and looked up at Harry, giving him a small feeble smile.

'You know what would be good right now? Getting shit faced so maybe even for a little while I could forget this horrible nightmare.' Harry cupped his cheek, loving the feel of Louis' stubble under his fingers which was slowly turning into a beard because Louis couldn't even be buggered to shave lately.

'Well if getting "shitfaced" as you so kindly put it, think will help you with all that's going on, then I will stand by you while you get intoxicated and maybe even hold you and take care of you while you puke your guts out and then watch over you when you pass out but Lou but you have been sober for over two months now. Don't let them have this much power over you. Do you want to throw that away? You have been doing so well love. They are not worth it. I told you we are going to get through this together. Hopefully today we will get some help as to what course of action we can take.' Louis looked at him like he was a lost puppy and it killed Harry a little inside to see those beautiful blue eyes so sad, so dimmed. He missed seeing the crinkles by those eyes when Louis laughed. Once again they had taken his smile away from him.

'What can Irving Azoff do that would possibly help my cause?' Harry smiled at him lovingly.

'Have a little faith. The man can work miracles. Now come on we don't want to be late. He doesn't like to be kept waiting.' Together they took the lift up to the seventh floor and the receptionist greeted them and showed them to Mr. Azoff's office. Irving greeted them and offered them a seat in front of his desk. He sat down behind his large desk and smiled at them.

'So Harry, you wanted to see me. What can I do for you?' Harry took in a deep breath, looked at Louis then back at Irving.

'Well you probably already know about all that's going on with Louis,' Harry paused letting it hang in the air. Irving smiled and directed his gaze on Louis.

'Should I congratulate you son?' he asked him. Louis looked back at him.

'That baby is not mine,' he told him in a low steady voice. Harry felt the need to interject.

'Irving, I need to know if you still have any intention of signing us up after we are free of Modest because we need to take action regarding all the rumors that are being spread about us as a band, mostly about Louis. We need to know with certainty that One Direction will be signed up with you before we do anything. Louis and I....' Irving put his hand up, stopping Harry in mid-sentence.

'Harry, rumors are food for stupid minds that swallow up all that the shit the media says. Fortunately, I am not one of them. As you probably know, Jeff wants to start his own management company so I suggested to him that maybe you should sign up with him. I mean, your band will need new management and his brand new company will have a huge boost if you sign up with him but whatever the case, we will not leave your band without management. If, after your hiatus, because Jeff told me that you intend to take a break and I strongly agree with that, you intend to come back as a band, rest assured we will find the best possible management for you no matter what shit flies out there about you. And I really don't care that you two are together. As far as I'm concerned you can come out as long as you work hard and deliver music. That will be our main priority. Your sexuality will never be an issue with me rest assured.' Irving smiled at them and Harry and Louis relaxed a little.

'Thank you,' Harry told him. Irving waved him off.

'I have arranged for a lawyer for you as you instructed Harry. She is the best in the business. I have worked with her on other celebrity cases and you really can't get much better than her for your case.' Louis looked from Irving to Harry, clearly confused at the mention of the word lawyer.

'What's going on?' he asked. 'Harry what lawyer? What are you doing?' Harry turned in his seat to face Louis.

'I told you we were going to do this together. I have a plan Louis. Trust me please okay,' Harry told him as he reached out and took his hand in his, squeezing it gently. 'Don't worry okay. I got you.' Louis looked at him through narrowed eyes but didn't push Harry though he made a mental note to push him as soon as they were alone. Irving got up off his chair.

'Okay then if you just follow me to the conference room,' he told them as he made his way out into the corridor. Harry motioned for Louis to follow him which he did albeit confused. As they passed by the receptionist, Irving ordered her to bring in tea and coffee. The conference room was spacious and empty. Harry and Louis followed Irving inside. Irving took his place at the head of the long glass table and Harry sat beside him, Louis taking the vacant chair next to Harry, wondering what the hell they were doing in a conference room with Irving Azoff. What was Harry doing? What was he planning? Louis was dying to ask him but Harry was talking lowly to Irving, their heads together. The secretary came in bringing tea and coffee, momentarily distracting Louis from his wanderings about why they were here. Louis sipped his tea as Harry and Irving continued their whispered discussion, occasionally casting a look at Louis and smiling at him reassuringly, which Louis did not feel at all. The last thing he felt right now was reassured.

The door to the conference room opened again and a young woman in a tight knee length red dress,high heels, a pair of expensive looking sun glasses on her head holding back a mass of long curly hair off her intricately made up face entered, followed by a suited man who walked silently behind her. Irving stood up to greet her as did Harry. The woman was very stylish and looked confident as Irving shook her hand.

'Parisha its so good to see you again,' Irving greeted her. She smiled brightly at him.

'You too Irving. I trust you are well?' she asked him.

'Couldn't be better,' Irving told her. 'Louis, Harry this is Parisha Shrestha best celebrity lawyer in L.A.' Parisha smiled at Irving fondly.

'You are too kind but also so full of shit,' she said still smiling.

'Parisha, I want you too meet Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson from One Direction.' Louis noted how she looked at them especially at Harry, her eyes bright and her smile got wider the more she focused on Harry. Louis frowned. Was she crushing on his Harry? Everyone seemed to do that, turn to mush when they met his Harry! And why were they even meeting with a lawyer? What the hell was Harry up to? Parisha extended her hand to Harry.

'Finally I get to meet you. I have been wanting to meet you for ages so please excuse my enthusiasm. I wish we were meeting under better circumstances but still it's such a pleasure,' she told Harry, all the while not letting go of his hand. Harry shook her hand firmly, giving her his famous dimpled smile. He noted she was wearing a Chanel dress and a pair of Louboutin pumps and Harry being Harry could not pass by an opportunity to compliment someone.

'Nice to meet you,' Harry told her in his deep voice. 'Is that dress from Chanel's latest collection?' Harry asked her. Louis rolled his eyes. He just had to go there didn't he? Him and fashion! And Louis couldn't really fathom how the fuck Harry even knew that the dress this lawyer was wearing was even Chanel! All he saw was a red dress with a wide black belt at the waist. Harry's fashion sense baffled him. Parisha smiled wider.

'It is. You know your fashion Harry. May I call you Harry?' Louis groaned internally. Here we go! Why did everyone have to melt around Harry? He was just Harry! Did they even know that he has smelly feet? Probably not! They must think his feet like vanilla when he takes off his boots and socks after wearing them all day! Did they know he sweats and that it actually smells? Eh again they probably think he oozes perfumed body odor that smells like lavender. Well news flash! Harry is just human not a walking garden and his body odor actually smells!

'Please do,' Harry told her in his charming deep voice, that smile that made knees weak still on his face. He then turned to Louis who was still sitting in his chair sipping his tea. 'This is Louis....' and before he could finish, Parisha had side stepped Harry and was standing in front of Louis.

'Hi,' she told him full of excitement giving him a little wave. Louis stood up and she was almost his same height. In those ridiculous high heels that she was wearing. How was she even standing on them? Louis wondered. She was grinning at him and waiting for him to say something.

'Hello,' Louis told her and by her almost squeal Louis just had to ask. 'Are you like a fan or?' Parisha nodded, her curls bouncing around her face.

'I am,' she told him. 'Been for a while but then again who isn't a fan of you guys? I mean the whole world must be a fan of One Direction.' Louis grinned at her.

'We never met a lawyer fan before,' he told her and Parisha giggled.

'Well your fan base spans from kids to 70 year olds of all kinds. I fall somewhere in between.' Louis eyed her curiously.

'Aren't you a little too young to be a lawyer?' he asked her. Harry cleared his throat, clearly embarrassed that Louis was so direct and straight forward.Well he wanted to know because yeah she like looked maybe 23 and that for him was a little too young to be the "best celebrity" lawyer as Irving had put it, meaning she had worked successful cases before. Parisha smiled at him.

'Well have you ever heard of those children who are like geniuses, being in college by the time they are ten? I'm kinda one of them. Skipped High School altogether. At nineteen I got my lawyer degree. Youngest ever lawyer and I haven't lost a case since,' she said smirking proudly at Louis. Louis had to admit that he was impressed. They had the best therapist now they apparently had the best lawyer. 'But right now I'm here to serve you guys and to see what I can do to help you,' she told them. Louis frowned at her, still in the dark as to why she was here in the first place and what was it that she was going to help them with. She crossed the room and sat in front of them, placing her Louis Vuitton briefcase on the glass table top. Louis and Harry sat down again as did Irving. She opened the brief case and pulled out a folder, opened it and scanned the contents, tapping a perfectly red nail against her perfectly red lips. When she was satisfied she leaned back in the chair and looked at Louis.

'So the baby is not yours then?' she asked him taking Louis by complete surprise. Louis looked at Harry. Harry smiled at him.

'It's okay Lou you can talk to her. I told you we were going to do this together and not let them get away with it anymore.'

'Frankly in my opinion, you already let them get away with too much,' Parisha said. 'Like I said, I'm a bit of a fan and I have been following you guys and might I just take the liberty of saying that you two are just awesomely cute together and what your management has been doing in my professional opinion is by far harassment and descriminatory. It is against the law to closet people.' Louis and Harry looked at her stunned, their mouths slightly open.

'You...you know?' Harry asked her. Parisha laughed.

'Who doesn't? It's only those that don't want to see won't see what you two have. Am I right?' She looked from Louis to Harry then back again.

'I guess,' Harry told her slightly thrown off course.

'I knew it!' Parisha squealed. 'I so knew it and I am never wrong which is why I make a damn good lawyer.' Louis looked at her confused, a scowl on his face.

'I thought you already knew,' he told her.

'Oh I did but you just confirmed it making it official but hey don't worry I'm your lawyer so anything you say in this room is strictly confidential. Now, let's get back to your case. Louis, you are a hundred percent sure this baby is not yours? And with a hundred per cent I mean like one thousand percent sure.' Louis eyed her with annoyance clear on his face. He wasn't one for hiding his irritation.

'I'm one billion per cent sure,' he told her calmly. 'I never touched that girl let alone sleep with her.' His irritation was growing. He was feeling pissed off that Harry didn't consult him about this, that he did all this by himself without asking him if he wanted to take this legally. How could they go up legally against Simon and Modest? Was he crazy? Part of their contract stated clearly that they as a band and individuals could not sue their management or record label. Surely Harry knew this so what was the point he was trying to prove here?

'Okay good,' Parisha told him, 'as long as you are being honest and there is not a fraction of a chance that it could be your baby then we can proceed.'

'Proceed with what?' Louis asked feeling annoyed that he was out of the loop when all of it revolved around him. Harry squeezed his thigh gently.

'Its okay Louis. Trust me.' Louis gave him a warning look because he didn't really feel like trusting anyone with this. Harry kept telling him to trust him and so far, he didn't like where this trust was leading him. They were only going to make matters worse. For him. For his family. They had no idea what kinds of threats had been put to him when they had made him leave Harry! He wanted to get up and walk out of the room and tell Harry to leave it well alone but the door opened and Simon walked in, giving him a cold look. Louis froze. Simon was followed by Drew, Stuart, Briana, her cousin, a man and a woman who looked a lot like Briana and four suited men. Louis felt his mouth go dry. He felt Harry squeeze his thigh again and he wanted nothing more than to swat his hand away and leave from this hell. Everyone sat around the table. Simon cleared his throat and pinned Louis with a cold, hard look.

'Here we all are then as requested. Shall we get started to get matters settled between Louis and Briana regarding their baby which I must say I am completely thrown off by because I never expected this,' Simon said. 'The first One Direction lad to become a daddy. My boys are all grown up,' Simon gushed. Parisha and Louis rolled their eyes simultaneously.

'Bullshit,' Louis spat at him. 'There is nothing to settle here because we both know that that baby is not mine.

'Yes it is,' Briana said as she put a protective hand over her non-existent stomach. Louis clenched his teeth hard.

'You know damn well its not. I never touched you. Why are you doing this? Why are you letting them.....'

'Let's not throw any accusations around Mr. Tomlinson,' one of the suited men with Simon's party interrupted Louis. Parisha sat at the edge of her chair.

'And you are?' she asked.

'I am Mr. Simms the legal representative for the Jungwirth family.' Parisha straightened her back.

'And I am Parisha Shrestha, the legal representative for Mr. Tomlinson so I suggest you advice your client to be sure of who the father of her baby is before she lists my client as the said father. Throwing allegations around is not very wise in the presence of legal representatives.'

'I am sure he is the father,' Briana said again this time with more conviction and Louis didn't know whether he wanted to cry or laugh or get mad at them all and curse them all to hell, beginning with Harry for putting him through this in the first place. Harry's hand gently squeezed his knee to keep him calm. Louis really really wanted to slap his hand away.

'I never slept with you!' Louis spat at her

'Yes you did,' Briana insisted. 'That night at the villa. You were so wasted. You took me upstairs and....'

'I never did!' Louis yelled. 'You're lying through your fucking teeth. How much did they pay you to say this shit huh?' Simon glowered at him.

'Watch your accusations Louis,' he told him his voice low, disguising a warning. 'As your legal representative said, we are in a room full of lawyers. Anything you say can and will be used against you.' Simon smiled at him, a cold, flat smile and Louis knew he was going to lose his shit. And he had to admit that he was scared. 

'Do you have any proof of this?' Parisha asked Simon before Louis could haul a string of verbal abuse towards Simon. 'So far all we have is Miss Jungwirth's word that Louis is the father.' Briana and Ashley looked at each other.

'I can vouch for her,' Ashley said. 'I was there that night. Louis was really wasted and he had been flirting with Briana all night, dancing with her and holding her close. I have pictures if you want to see them.' She swiped her phone and pulled up a set of photos of Louis and Briana on the dance floor, dancing really close. Harry swallowed hard when he saw how close Louis was to her and it hurt because Louis hadn't told him that they had danced but he failed to show any emotions at the pictures he saw on Ashley's phone. He had learned the hard way that not everything was at it seemed. Whatever they say, they will not make him doubt his Louis even though those pictures felt like a stab to his chest, the way Louis had his arm wrapped around her waist. It hurt. But Harry trusted Louis. Blindly. They WOULD NOT shake his trust in Louis.

'That proves nothing,' Parisha said dissing the photos as non evidence. 'All these photos show is Louis dancing with Miss Jungwirth in a rather public and crowded place. Nothing out of the ordinary seeing that they are in a club.'

'I have proof too,' Louis said. 'I...I have Alberto. He took me home that night and I was sober. He can vouch for me.'

'Unfortunately Alberto is no longer in our employ therefore he is no longer your body guard,' Stuart informed him, his grey eyes piercing into Louis.

'What?' Louis asked, shocked by the news.

'Yes we are changing security. Your new personal body guard is Preston.' Louis scoffed.

'Pretty convenient huh? You fire my security, to shut him up. The only witness I had.....'

'Not the only one,' Harry said, speaking up for the first time. All eyes went on him. 'The night you are referring to, Louis came home to me. He was sober. Not a drop of alcohol. You might not know that Louis has stopped drinking a few months back. You can test him if you like. He was never drunk that night.'

'That's just your word with no proof to back it up,' Mr. Simms told Harry. Harry glared at him.

'How about the fact that we have been in a committed relationship for the past five years? Does that count as proof? You may have been led to believe otherwise but Louis and I have been together this whole time.' Mr. Simms seemed to be thinking then looked at Harry.

'Not really no. The only solid proof we have here is that Miss Jungwirth is carrying Mr. Tomlinson's child and we need to settle on child support.'

'Hold up a second,' Parisha stopped him. 'My client is not paying one cent until we have proof that that baby is really his.' Mr. Simms nodded.

'The paternity test will be done once the baby is born. In the mean time Mr. Tomlinson has to provide my client with a place to stay at and financial help for medical expenses and things for the baby.' Parisha narrowed her eyes at the lawyer.

'I demand a paternity test in utero that way we won't have to wait until the baby is born. My client has the right to know if he is the actual father before he starts paying. If the paternity test confirms him as the father, then we will have no objection to settle for accommodations for Miss Jungwirth and financial aid for her and the baby.'

'That is out of the question,' Mr. Simms said. 'In utero paternity test is dangerous both for the baby and the mother....'

'That's bull shit and you know it,' Parisha threw at him.

'Be it as it may my client will only allow a paternity test once the baby is born.'

'It is the law in Los Angeles that an unmarried couple provide a paternity test. And I demand one for my client. He has the right to know.'

'I am well aware of the law in Los Angeles Miss Shrestha,' Mr. Simms told her, 'and your client is not being declined a paternity test. We only said the test will be done when the baby is born.' Parisha rested her eyes on Briana who sat there looking all innocent and victimized. Parisha knew her type. She was going to milk Louis for all he had for a child that was not even his.

'How far along are you Miss Jungwirth?' Parisha asked her. Briana smiled innocently as she stroked her very flat tummy tucked into her very tight jeans. Louis wanted to vomit.

'Twelve weeks,' she told her still smiling like a proud mother to be.

'So you have six months to go till the birth of the baby correct?' Briana nodded. Parisha turned back to Mr. Simms.

'Do you expect my client to provide for her financially for six months without knowing if the baby is his or not?' Mr. Simms sighed.

'Miss Shrestha, my client needs financial support to prepare for the birth of the baby. Her family are not in a position to support these unforeseen circumstances. Miss Jungwirth needs to prepare a stable home for the baby so we need to settle an arrangement that will benefit both parties.' Parisha rolled her eyes.

'None of this benefits my client. Give us the paternity test and she will get her financial settlement.' The lawyer patiently intertwined his fingers and placed them on the glass top. He looked at Parisha.

'Miss Shrestha my client will not be subjected to an in utero paternity test. It comes with high risk. Miss Jungwirth has already been to an antenatal clinic to make sure that she is truly pregnant which she is and seeing that I presumed that Mr. Tomlinson would request a paternity test before the birth, I consulted my client to inquire regarding this kind of paternity testing.' The lawyer paused and pulled out a sheet of paper from his file. 'This is a paper procured by Miss Jungwirth's doctor that states that in utero paternity testing presents risk of damage to the fetus or the amniotic sac. In some cases, the fluid will continue to leak from the sac and the baby will need to be delivered pre-maturely or in my client's case, a miscarriage can occur. This is signed by my client's doctor and I have a copy for you and your client. In this case, I will not risk the health of my client or her baby.' Parisha took the sheet from the lawyer and read it through. He was right. It was signed by a doctor. Even if she went to court and asked for such a paternity test to be done, the court would not allow it after reading the doctor's diagnosis. Simon cleared his throat.

'Mr. Simms please brief Mr. Tomlinson regarding a financial settlement with Miss Jungwirth.' The lawyer nodded and took out another file and opened it before him. He scanned the pages then looked up a Louis.

'Mr. Tomlinson, Miss Jungwirth will require a place to stay. We will settle for a rental for the time being plus an additional $15,000 monthly in child support.'

'What?' Louis growled. 'I have to rent a house for her and pay $15,000 for a child that is not even mine?' Louis locked eyes with Briana. 'Why are you even doing this to me when you know fucking well that I never slept with you? What do you want out of this? Money? Fame? Why are you agreeing with them to screw up my life?' Louis yelled. Harry squeezed his thigh again hoping to calm him down but Louis was past calming. He was furious.

'Mr. Tomlinson,' Mr. Simms continued, 'you will also pay for the ante natal visits that Miss Jungwirth will have on a monthly basis which will include ultra sound scans and ante natal birthing classes.' Louis shook his head in disbelief. How were they even getting away with all of this? Why was nobody stopping them? The lawyer closed the file.

'I believe that is all from my part.' Parisha looked at him.

'I'm afraid I am not done. You are asking an awful amount of money from my client for a child that he claims is not his. He will pay for all that you requested.....'

'Are you crazy?' Louis cut her off. Parisha held up her hand for him to stop.

'However,' she continued, 'as soon as the baby is born and the paternity test will reveal that my client is not the father, we will be filing a law suit to request all the money back that my client will pay in the coming months. You know that after all this, we will have grounds to sue Miss Jungwirth for the defamation and reprimand put over my client during the months of the pregnancy and I will gladly sue on behalf of my client.' Mr. Simms looked at Simon, Stuart and Drew who had their heads together and were whispering to each other. Then Simon looked at Mr. Simms and nodded.

'Fair enough,' he said. Parisha found it a little strange that they agreed so quickly to it but then again she figured that since Louis would be suing Briana and not them, they would probably cover all her expenses. Probably it was all part of a package deal because if Louis knew with certainty that the baby was not his, they probably knew too. They just wanted to assassinate his character and make him look bad. She knew how these things worked. She saw it in celebrity divorces too, how one party disparaged the other to get more out of the divorce settlement. However, they could also be agreeing because they knew the baby was his and there was no way they would lose the law suit. Whatever it was, Parisha figured, it would all be solved when the baby was born and not a moment before.

Everyone in Briana's party got up to leave but before they walked out, Stuart looked at Louis.

'Mr. Tomlinson, this afternoon you have the first ante natal visit with Miss Jungwirth. Here is a card with the address of the ante natal clinic and the time of the appointment. I trust you not to be late.' Louis looked at him with wide, disbelieving eyes.

'You have got to be shitting me!' he exclaimed. 'You can't make me do this, go with her to doctor visits,' he protested. Harry tightened his grip on Louis' knee. Stuart smiled a fake smile at Louis.

'I am quite certain you wouldn't want to miss your baby's first ultra sound scan. Like I am quite certain your mother would love to visit with her unborn grand baby.....'

'You leave my mother out of this,' Louis snarled at Stuart who only smiled at him.

'Jay loves babies. Let's make sure she is here for the next ante natal visit and perhaps some baby shopping with the Jungwirth family shall we? After all you will all be one big happy family once the Tomlinson baby arrives. Don't be late for your appointment and make sure to look like a happy father to be for the paps. We will need pictures of the daddy to be for the media.' Louis ground his teeth together, his fingers curling into fists under the table, while Harry continued to squeeze and gently pat his thigh trying to keep him comforted. They all left the room and they were once again left alone with Parisha and Irving.

'Fuck!' Louis growled.

'It's okay baby,' Harry soothed as he placed his arm around Louis' back but Louis turned to face him, unable to reign in his anger any longer.

'None of this is okay Harry!' he yelled. 'Which part of all this shit seemed okay to you huh?' Harry swallowed thickly. He didn't like Louis yelling at him but he couldn't blame him could he? Parisha looked from one to the other and saw that Harry was looking down and had gone quiet. She turned her focus on Louis.

'Hey, no use taking it out on Harry. You should be taking it out on them. And we will. In a legal way. You can't go all vigilante on everyone around you because it will solve nothing. I know you feel cheated and this is going to put a slight damper on your reputation but you will get your victory I promise you.' Parisha looked at Harry then at Irving. 'I think we can safely go to plan B.' Louis looked from one to the other.

'Plan B? There's a fucking plan B to all this shit?' he growled. Parisha smiled at him.

'You have Harry to thank for plan B. Tell him Harry.' Parisha nodded encouragingly towards Harry. Harry looked at Louis who was glaring angrily at him. He wanted so much to tell him to calm down and not be angry, to not let them have this much power over him but he knew better than to tell him that right now when he was beyond furious. He didn't want to lose his sweet Louis to anger, depression and sadness again. Harry cleared his throat.

'Well I figured we can play their game. Down play them actually and ruin all this stunt that they have planned for you.'

'How?' Louis asked. Harry licked his lips nervously.

'By getting you a beard,' he told him quietly.

'What?' Louis roared. 'Are you fucking kidding me? They plan this on me and you want me to have a beard too? You came up with this fucking brilliant plan? Nice going H.'

'Listen Lou,' Harry told him softly, trying to take his hand, which Louis snatched away.

'I'm not gonna listen to this shit Harry. I've got enough on my fucking plate without you adding a beard into the equation.' Irving looked at Louis.

'Listen to him,' he told him in an authoritative voice. Louis huffed and looked at Harry who sat there with those big green eyes staring at him, pleading with him.

'Spill,' Louis told him.

'Louis, if you have a girlfriend now, we will put their plan into a big huge question mark. People will start to wonder.....'

'People will think I'm a dickhead Harry, getting one girl pregnant and dating another one. What the fuck?' Louis yelled. He rubbed his temples because he was seriously getting a headache. How was Harry even suggesting this?

'Louis,' Harry said softly as he placed his hand on his lower back, gently rubbing circles to soothe him. 'We need to down play their stunt. They won't see this coming especially not Briana. Maybe that will get her to tell the truth.' Louis turned to face Harry, anger on his face.

'So you're okay with me being seen with two girls huh? You're okay with this shit? You're okay with me being a womanizing piece of shit? A liar and a cheater?' he yelled. Harry shook his head slowly.

'No love I am not okay with this. I'm not okay with none of this mostly with you being judged and portrayed to be someone you are not but we have to fight back. Danielle is....'

'Danielle?' Louis growled, the veins in his neck sticking out. 'You're on a fucking first name basis with my fucking beard now?' Harry took in a deep breath but it was Irving who replied to Louis.

'Danielle is a family friend. Myself and my family have been friends with her parents for awhile. Harry has met her a few times too when he's been over to ours for visits. She's a good kid. Small time actress and she needs a career boost so you will be both doing each other a favor. If you seem to be dating her you will turn the tables and put this baby gate drama in question. Yes some might think you're a cheap shit asshole but its a two sided blade and both sides cut. You have nothing to lose here.' Louis looked at Irving, then at Parisha then finally he rested his eyes on Harry.

'You know what would end this shit? Us coming out. That would end this whole bloody mess not giving me another beard along with a girl who's saying she's carrying my baby!' Louis got up and stormed out of the room.

'He's got a point there,' Parisha said. Harry racked his fingers through his long hair.

'That's impossible right now and he knows it. They will render us to nothing if we do that,' he told her. Parisha nodded in agreement.

'Do you happen to have copies of the contracts you signed with Modest! and Syco?' she asked him. Harry nodded.

'Yeah I have them at home. Why?'

'I would like to go through them if you don't mind to see what they actually made you sign and why they have been making you hide. Why go through all this trouble to keep you two closeted? I'm very good at finding loop holes,' Parisha told him, giving him a wink. Harry agreed that he would drop them off for her with Irving the next day.

 

 

It was past midnight and Louis was not back home yet. Harry paced their bedroom impatiently. When he had left the office and returned home, he had found Louis there already, still nursing his bad mood. He had not talked to Harry much but had told him that he would go out with Danielle that same evening. He had left late afternoon to meet with the Jungwirths for the ante natal visit, then afterwards he had been off to meet Danielle. Harry had already seen photos on Twitter. There had been pap photos outside the ante natal clinic and lots of Tweets praising Louis for already being a great dad and standing by his pregnant girlfriend while others dissed it as nothing more but a stunt to further hide Larry, which made Harry pleased.

Then, later in the evening, photographs started to appear on Twitter of Louis and Danielle Campbell arriving at The Nice Man restaurant hand in hand. Immediately Twitter blew up and Harry could see that the fans were confused. He was glad to see that most had picked up the sad look on Louis' face and called it out immediately for what it was: stunt number two and character assassination. There were tweets now dissing Louis as an irresponsible person who is two timing his pregnant girlfriend. Larries where quick to counteract, saying that Louis was two timing no one because Briana was never his girlfriend to begin with so he's not cheating on her and Danielle is nothing but another beard. Harry spent most of his time going through Twitter while he waited anxiously for Louis to return home. He hoped that he wouldn't come back drunk. He hoped and hoped that he wasn't still mad at him because Harry hated when Louis was mad at him.

His head jerked up from his phone when he heard a car coming up the driveway. Harry felt nervous because Louis had been gone for hours and he didn't know what mood he would be in upon his return. He waited by the glass windows waiting for the door to their bedroom to open. He held his breath when he saw the door knob turn and the door open slowly, revealing a very tired looking Louis. Louis looked at him but said nothing. He padded into the room in his socks and sat down heavily on his side oft he bed. Harry exhaled slowly and walked towards him, stopping a few feet away from him.

'Are you alright Lou?' he asked him softly. 'I was worried about you.' Louis raised his eyes and gave him a glare.

'Do I fucking look alright to you?' he snapped. Harry looked down at his feet.

'Please don't be mad at me anymore. I can't take it. I'm only trying to be here for you and help you,' he told him in a quiet, pleading voice. Louis got up off the bed and took off his tee shirt, throwing it to the floor.

'I'm gonna take a shower,' he told him and walked into their en suite, slamming the door behind him. Harry sighed in defeat as he bent down and picked up Louis' discarded tee shirt and threw it in the clothes hamper beside the bathroom door. He walked to his side of the bed and sat down, feeling sad. He didn't like that Louis was upset with him, he hated it. He hated that Louis was closing himself off again and not letting him in but he was glad that at least he stayed sober. Harry would not give up on him and let him go down this road alone. He was here for him, for the good and for the bad. He got up and turned the lights down low and he lighted some candles around the room, making it cozy and relaxing. He pulled the duvet off the bed, took off his sweatpants and tee shirt and sat on the bed, his back propped back against the pillows. He knew Louis was tired so he wanted to be ready to cuddle him to sleep. Before he finished his thoughts, the bathroom door opened and Louis walked out in just his boxers. He looked around the room but said nothing. He just got on the bed next to Harry and grabbed his phone.

'Do you want to talk about it?' Harry asked him.

'No,' he curtly replied, keeping his focus on the phone.

'Lou please don't shut me out,' Harry begged him. Louis put his phone down on the night stand non to gently and looked at Harry.

'What do you want to talk about H? About the tiny baby I saw during the ultra sound and how I knew in my heart that it isn't my kid yet I was forced to stay there and watch and act like its fucking mine? How Briana is getting clingy? How I had to walk hand in hand with Danielle in front of the paps while people called me shit on Twitter? How you went behind my back and got a lawyer without even asking me if I wanted to do this? About how you got me another beard that I have to put up with? Is that what you want to talk about huh because I really don't!' Harry could hear the stress in his voice and how his eyes were glassy, like he was going to cry. He had to be gentle with him because Louis was hurting.

'I just want to be with you through this love. I told you that you will not go through this alone. I am here for you. I'm here Lou. Don't shut me out.' He watched as Louis chewed on his bottom lip, a habit he had when he was nervous or about to cry.

'I'm tired H,' he said quietly. 'I'm tired of all this shit. I don't know how I can go through with this without it breaking me.' Harry heard the brokenness in his voice. He scooted closer to him, wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close. At first Harry thought he would resist, but Louis let him hold him. He rested his head against Harry's shoulder and he felt him sigh deeply against his chest.

'I won't let you break. I swear I will hold you together Lou. Through it all I will hold you so tightly that you won't even crack. I'm sorry I didn't consult you about the lawyer and I'm sorry I made you have another beard but it will work out you'll see. Just have faith. Please. Would you like a nice massage hmm? You know I'm very good with my hands.' Harry kissed the top of his head. Louis nodded. 'Get on your stomach,' Harry told him gently and Louis obliged. Harry got up off the bed and went to the dresser where he retrieved a bottle of aromatherapy lavender oil. He got back up on the bed and straddled Louis' hips, sitting on his bum. He opened the oil and poured some in his hand, rubbing his palms together to warm the oil then started working on Louis' taught muscles. He massaged his shoulders, kneading the hard muscles then began working down his spine. Louis groaned.

'That feels so good Haz,' he told him, his eyes closed. Harry smiled. 'You are really good with those big ass hands of yours.' Harry's heart swelled with love. Louis was not completely shutting him out. He hadn't lost him to the darkness. And he wasn't mad at him anymore! Harry spread his fingers and massaged around his lower back and Louis groaned loudly. Harry smiled to himself and as he massaged Louis' back, with each movement, he gently rolled his hips over Louis' bum and he knew Louis could feel how hard he was. Harry continued to roll his hips and rub his dick against Louis' bum and Louis could feel his own erection pressing into the mattress beneath him each time Harry pressed his cock against his bum. Louis cracked open one eye and looked over his shoulder at Harry.

'I need you,' he told him in a husky voice. Harry bent over and placed a kiss between Louis' shoulder blades.

'Anything for you my love. You wanna turn over for me?' Harry asked him softly as he continued to place kisses on his back.

'Like this,' Louis mumbled and Harry smiled fondly against his skin.

'Okay sweetheart,' Harry told him as he got up off Louis bum. He gently pulled off Louis' boxers and his own, throwing them on the floor beside the bed. Louis immediately spread his thighs to accommodate Harry. Harry got on his knees in between Louis' spread thighs, admiring his beautiful bum. Harry ran his hands over the mounds of Louis' bum and kneaded the soft smooth skin. Louis moaned.

'Haz please,' he whined and Harry smiled as he leaned over and grabbed the lube off the bedside table and coated himself. He lay on top of Louis, his chest to Louis' back but being careful not to let his weight down on Louis, making it hard for him to breathe since he was lying on his stomach beneath him. Harry kissed Louis' back again, then positioned himself at Louis' entrance and gently pushed in. Louis whined lowly and pushed his bum back to meet Harry. Harry continued to push himself in and when he bottomed out, he leaned down, his lips close to Louis' ear.

'I love you so much. You just have no idea of the extent of my love for you,' Harry whispered as he gently pulled all the way out of Louis and slid back in, slowly and gently. He heard Louis whimper and saw him fist the sheets tightly, his knuckles turning white. He loved making love to Louis.

'I...I l-love you Haz,' Louis groaned out as Harry continued to move in and out of him at a gentle and loving pace. 'This...t-this is all I...I want. Jesus fuck Harry,' Louis moaned as Harry brushed his prostate making him push his bum back onto Harry to take him in deeper.

'We will have it all baby,' Harry promised him as he felt Louis clench around him tightly. Harry picked up the pace, pounding Louis into the mattress beneath him. Louis picked up Harry's rhythm and every time Harry pushed into him, Louis pushed his bum back onto Harry. They were both panting hard, as Louis' dick rubbed mercilessly against the sheets beneath him each time Harry pushed into him.

'Haz...I'm...I'm c-close,' Louis told him breathlessly. Harry pushed in deeper into Louis, feeling his own orgasm building up.

'Me too,' Harry groaned. With a few more thrusts, Louis came on the sheets beneath him and as Harry felt him shudder and clench tightly around him, he spilled into Louis with a loud moan. He lay down on Louis but still holding himself up on his elbows as he placed kisses on the back of his neck and back.

'I adore you,' Harry told him as he gently pulled out of him, knowing how sensitive Louis would be feeling right about now. He placed himself next to Louis who remained face down, spent, his eyes closed. Harry smiled and brushed the fringe out of his eyes. 'You are so beautiful,' Harry whispered as he placed a kiss on his sweaty forehead. Louis opened his eyes and met Harry's green eyes. He smiled lazily back at him.

'This is all I want out of life Haz. Just you and me and our life. I don't care about anything anymore. I can easily give up everything for a peaceful, quiet life with you. I'm tired of all the stunts and beards. It's not who I am.' Harry ran his hand down Louis' back.

'I know baby. It's all I want too. And we will have it. I promise you Lou. I will give you the life you want and we will have it.' Harry leaned closer and captured Louis' lips in a loving, soft and tender kiss. He pulled back a little yet his lips still hovered against Louis'. 'Be brave a little longer yeah? Can you do that for me love?'

'Yeah,' Louis whispered, 'I can. For you, I will.'


	73. Chapter 73

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning lovely people. Hope you all liked the last 2 chapters of Outing Larry. I am going to try and get back on track of updating during the weekend. I am writing the last chapters of Outing Larry and.........I have already starting working on Outing Larry 2 (I still have to find a name for it lol) There's lots and lots of drama coming your way. Anyway, this is a bit of a long chapter so I do hope you will enjoy it and please let me know what you think. I love your comments. Thank you as always for taking the time to read Outing Larry and my other work. All the love, M.

Louis sat on the couch, his feet clad in fluffy black socks, tucked under him, his hands wrapped around a hut mug of tea that Harry had made him. The rain pounded relentlessly against the windows, making outside look blurry and hazy. It had been raining for two days straight. It didn't rain much in L.A but when it rained, it rained vehemently. They were on a three day break from their American/Canadian leg of their OTRA tour and Louis was lazing in their L.A home with Harry and his mother who had arrived the day before. He hated that they had dragged her into this baby gate bullshit, but his mother had told him that it was okay if it meant lessening his burdens even for a little bit. They wanted her to be seen with the Jungwirth family, thus creating a more solid front for everyone to believe, a tight knit family supporting Briana and Louis. If the public saw Johanna with the Jungwirth family, then it meant that the baby was really his and that made Louis want to vomit. He couldn't understand how people were so quick to believe all the shit that the media spit out. This circus had already been going on for six weeks. Time was going by and Briana was now twenty weeks pregnant. He wanted out so badly. He wanted all this to end but it was getting more complicated. Briana was jealous that Louis was seen spending time with Danielle instead of her so Harry's plan of having a beard hadn't been a total failure after all even though Louis would never admit this to him. Yes, they had elicited a reaction from Briana but not the one they had been hoping for. She took to social media to attack him saying that after all she was the one who was carrying his child not Danielle. And Louis didn't want or need any of this shit.

He was still pissed off and sulking about an interview that they had done the day before on Good Morning America. Louis had specifically asked their PR to tell the hosts of the show not to ask him anything about this baby drama but the asshole of a host had went on right ahead and asked about it and congratulated him on live TV while the other host had the nerve to ask Harry if he was okay. Why had she even done that? She had put Harry in a very uncomfortable position and Louis wanted nothing more than to strangle her. Not to mention how that bitch had played with Harry's hair on national television and Harry had to sit there and smile and take it even thought he didn't like it but him being the polite person that he is, didn't say anything. Louis knows that Harry only likes him playing with his hair and Louis felt pissed off that the woman had actually run her fingers through Harry's curls. The nerve! It had been a disaster of an interview and it had put him in a sour mood, one which he carried even today.

He felt Harry caress his face and he pulled himself out of his miserable thoughts and focused his attention on the love of his life as Harry pushed his glasses further up his nose because Louis hadn't realized that they had slipped down the bridge of his nose a little. He looked at Harry and Harry smiled at him so sweetly, making him forget all this drama even if it was only for just a little while. Harry was his safe place, his home, his sanctuary. Harry had been supportive through all of this. He was being amazing about it. He gave Louis the strength he needed to go through baby gate another beard and all the hate he was getting on social media. Louis scooted closer to Harry, cuddling into him, his warmth and scent enveloping him in calmness, peace and serenity.

'What time do you and your mother have to go and meet the Jungwirths sweetheart?' Harry asked him softly. Louis groaned.

'Do I have to?' he asked Harry, pouting. Harry tightened his arm around his shoulders and pulled him closer into him.

'You know you have to love,' Harry told him softly. Louis pouted harder.

'But I want to stay herewith you H. It's raining and I just want to cuddle and watch telly while you make me tea. Another month has passed by and it keeps getting worse. I feel trapped. I feel like I'm suffocating. I don't want to play this game anymore.' Before Harry could reply, Jay walked into the lounge. She smiled at them when she saw them sitting cuddling together on the couch. She was so relieved to see Harry standing by her son through this difficult time. She sat on Louis' other side and looked at her son.

'How are you feeling love?' she asked him. Louis shook his head slightly.

'Mum I'm so sorry they dragged you into this. I'm sorry you had to leave Dan and the kids to come here and do all this shit.' Jay took his hand in hers.

'It's okay my darling. You know I would do anything for you just like I would do anything for your brother and sisters. If they want me to play along, for you I will. Everyone will get what they deserve in the end.' Louis smiled faintly at her.

'Thank you mum,' he said, his voice breaking a little. Jay cupped his cheek in her palm.

'You're welcome sweetheart. You will always be my baby boy. I love you so much Louis and I want you to be happy with Harry. I want you both to have the life you want to live. I don't want any of this for you. None of us want this for either of you. The world doesn't know you as we do Louis and I understand why this situation hurts you too much. I know what I raised and the way they are making you look, its definitely not you and I know it hurts you because it hurts me too. But like I said, everyone will get their dues by the end of this.' The doorbell rang and Harry got up to answer the door.

'I'll get it,' he told them not wanting to interrupt their moment. He knew how much Louis loved his mum and how much he missed her so he wanted him to spend as much time with her as he possibly could even though he wished it was under better circumstances. Jay's presence calmed Louis and Harry was thankful that she came out to L.A to be with him through this. Harry walked into the foyer and opened the door to find Oli on the doorstep. He tried not to frown.

'Hey Harry,' Oli said as he closed his umbrella. 'Is Louis here? I need to talk to him.' Harry scowled. He didn't like Oli much and he didn't like the fact that he was at their house to talk to Louis and he had no qualms in making it clear to Oli that his visit was unwelcome.

'I don't think now is a very good time Oli. He's with his mum....'

'Please Harry. It's urgent,' Oli cut him off. Harry could see the worried look on Oli's face. He sighed, giving in and opened the door for him.

'Please take your shoes off if you don't mind,' Harry asked him politely. 'And Oli, don't upset him any more than he already is. Louis has got enough going on right now.' Oli nodded and and took off his trainers leaving them by the door. Harry always intimidated him a little and now he felt it even more. He followed Harry into the lounge.

'Lou Oli is here to see you,' Harry announced as he resumed his seat next to Louis again. Oli walked in and sat on the couch opposite Louis. He looked at Jay.

'Hey Oli what's up?' Louis asked him. Oli fidgeted with his fingers and cast nervous glances at Louis, Jay and Harry. Louis sat up a little straighter. Oli looked stressed out.

'Oli what is it lad?' Louis asked him.

'Can we uhm talk in private?' Oli asked him but Louis was already shaking his head no at him.

'Whatever it is you can tell me here Oli. No more secrets,' Louis told him and watched as Oli swallowed thickly and raked a hand through his short ginger hair, shooting Harry a nervous look.

'Lou you know we've been mates for a long time yeah and that I would never do anything to hurt you or mess with the trust we have in each other so please just keep calm okay.' All eyes in the room were pinned intently on Oli especially Harry who was already burning holes in Oli. Harry took Louis' hand in his and Jay moved closer to her son both of them sensing that whatever Oli was going to tell him, it was going to upset him and they wanted to protect him from further pain.

'Tell me,' Louis encouraged him. His heart was beating furiously in his chest because it was obvious that whatever Oli wanted to say was something drastic from the way he was acting.

'I uhm know that ugh the baby Briana is carrying is not yours,' he said and watched as all three sets of eyes pinned him down. Louis sighed in relief, his body relaxing.

'Well thanks for the faith in me lad,' Louis told him wondering why Oli was acting all weird just to tell him that. He expected his friends to not believe all this shit and that they knew him well enough to know that this was all lies. Oli moved to the edge of his seat.

'Louis, I know that they are pinning this on you but I...I ugh know who the real father of that baby is,' he explained. Again all eyes were on Oli. Harry ground his teeth together till his molars hurt. This motherfucker!

'What?' Louis asked. Oli looked down at his feet then back up at Louis. 'Tell me,' Louis said, his voice raising.

'That baby is Cal's Louis,' Oli said softly. The room was quiet for a few seconds, all three of them taking in this news. Jay and Harry waiting for volcano Louis to explode.

'The fuck did you just say?' Louis asked him in a low voice.

'That kid that Briana is having, its Cal's. I was there that night and I saw you leave with Alberto and I know you were not drinking. After you left, Briana was sulking and complaining about you and about how you turned her down for some piece of ass you had waiting for you at home and how you were too much of a pussy to cheat on your partner. Anyway, Cal got shit faced as usual and he ended up taking Briana upstairs and well......' Louis felt as if his head was going to explode.

'And why are you just telling me this now?' he yelled. 'After all these weeks? You are just telling me now because? Why didn't you come forward and speak up Oli? And why isn't Calvin with that skank taking care of his responsibilities and speaking up for me instead of letting me go through all this shit?' Oli shook his head.

'Louis they paid him off. Cal is in no position to take care of her and a baby! You know him and his drug and drinking abuse. He can hardly take care of himself let alone Bri and the kid so they made them a deal.' Oli paused to let the news sink in.

'What kind of fucking deal?' Louis roared. Harry let go of his hand. He was not going to squeeze it to calm him down. No. He was going to let him blow on this piece of shit he called mate. Harry felt sorry that Louis was going to find out this way what cheap shit, untrustworthy his friends were.

'They told him they can make all this go away for him and that he can go on living his life without the responsibilities a baby brings with it if he just shut up about it and disappeared. They gave him a lot of money to go away and forget all of it and Cal being Cal took the deal. Then they made Briana a deal which she did not refuse. They told her they will set off her career once the kid is born. All she had to say was that the baby was yours and you need to be careful Louis because when that baby is born, they will make it yours!' Oli stopped and let Louis process everything.

'Oh my God,' Jay whimpered. 'How can they do this? Why?'

'What do you mean they will make it mine when its not mine? How the fuck can they do that?' Oli shook his head again.

'They are going to forge a birth certificate......' Louis got up off the couch.

'I thought you were my fucking friend,' he yelled at Oli. 'And Cal? How could he do this to me after I fucking treated him like a brother? Is he that desperate for money that he sold me out?'

'Louis I'm.....'

'Don't you fucking say you're sorry Oli cos help me God. How could you stay silent? I have been paying money to that bitch for these past weeks. And all the shit people are saying about me. How could you just let it happen?' Oli looked up at Louis.

'I don't have an excuse for keeping this from you and I am truly sorry Louis. I didn't want to get Cal into trouble because they warned him if he so much opened his mouth he would pay for it.'

'And how do you know all this?' Louis bellowed.

'Cal told me everything,' he said quietly. 

'That son of a bitch!' Louis yelled. He paced the living room like a mad man. Harry watched him calmly and he let him vent. He never liked his friends especially Calvin. He was always the trouble maker and the one that was always the bad influence on Louis. And deep inside Harry was glad that Louis finally got to see the true colors of his so called mates even though he knew this was hurting him. Louis stopped pacing suddenly.

'Is that why he stopped hanging out with us? Is that why he never answered any of my calls or texts the past few weeks? It's all fucking making sense now innit?' he asked no one in particular as he pushed his glasses up his nose.

'Louis I'm so sorry really I am. I know I should've come sooner to you.....'

'Damn right you should've! You could've saved me a shit load of drama.' Harry got up off the couch and stood beside Louis.

'We are going to fix this,' Harry told him calmly. Louis looked up at him.

'How?' he asked him. Harry looked down at Oli and addressed him.

'I am going to call Parisha and you Oli are going to tell her everything. All that you told us. If you want Louis to ever forgive you, you will help him and you will give our lawyer a statement of all you just said to us. Also, you will convince Cal to get here because if push comes to shove and we go to court, I will make sure our lawyer will grill him.' Oli looked at Harry fear in his eyes.

'I can't do that,' he said, his voice panicked. Harry scowled at him.

'How can you even say that? Louis is your mate. He has done so much for all of you, sharing this experience with you guys and taking you places, treating you to trips all over the world, giving you money, buying you things and this is how you treat him? You and Calvin?'

'I just don't want any trouble w-with them. They scare me,' Oli said softly. Louis glared at him.

'We have been friends for ages Oli and you are just going to stand by and keep letting this happen? Have you seen all the shit they are saying about me huh? Haven't they done enough to me? Haven't they dragged the ones I love through enough shit and you are just going to sit there and tell me that you are afraid of them? What the fuck can they do to you Oli? They are threatening to ruin me and if they ruin me everyone will suffer...my family, Harry, our careers, everything. Just because you are too much of a fucking coward to tell the truth?' Louis yelled. Harry placed a hand on his lower back, not to calm him but to let him know that he was there. Jay got up off the couch and sat next to Oli.

'Oli you are like family to us. You've been friends with Louis since you both were tiny kids. What they are doing to Louis is not fair and if you have a conscience you know that its not. It's not right that Calvin gets to walk away from his responsibilities and Louis is getting to be blamed for getting a girl pregnant when he didn't. It is not fair that they are making him look like the bad guy here.' Jay paused and took Oli's hand in her's. 'Oli, if you really love my son and respect him, please help him, help us end this. They made me come out here just to be seen with the Jungwirths so they can strengthen their story and make everyone out there believe that my son is some reckless person. I left my babies behind to come here to stand by my baby boy and support him through all this. Please Oli, you can make all this go away.' Oli looked at Jay, then at Louis and finally at Harry who glared at him. He took in a deep breath and sighed.

'Okay I'll do it. I'll-I'll help you,' he said quietly though his voice showed the worry he was feeling. Jay wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly.

'Thank you Oli,' she told him softly. Louis glared down at him.

'This does not make shit alright between us just so you know,' he spat at him. Oli looked up at him.

'I know. I don't expect you tot forgive me for what I've done and I'm sorry honestly I am. I didn't mean to keep it from you. Its just that we're dealing with someone who can actually ruin people but I've seen what they are doing to you, what's being said and I couldn't let it go any further. I can't stand by any longer and watch which is why I came here. I understand that things between us won't be the same again Louis but I didn't mean any harm. I was a coward and I protected Calvin when it was you I should've protected all long. I'm so sorry.' Harry looked from Louis to Oli then back at Louis.

'I'm going to call Parisha okay. We need to sort this out today and get the best advice on how to proceed.' Louis nodded at him as he sat back down on the couch opposite Oli.

 

 

Half an hour later, Parisha pulled up into Louis and Harry's driveway. She got out of her silver metallic Maserati Alfieri and picked up her Prada bag from the backseat and walked up the steps leading to the front door, thankful that the rain had let up a little. Still, the sky was heavy with dark grey clouds promising more rain. She was excited to be actually entering Harry and Louis' house but she was even more excited to find out what new developments Harry had referred to on the phone. She rang the door bell and waited as she fixed her Roberto Cavalli sunglasses upon her head, pushing back her curls away from her face. Harry opened the door, greeting her with his million dollar dimpled smile.

'Hey,' he told her as he opened the door wider for her to come in, 'thank you for coming on such short notice.' Parisha eyed him and she saw a Harry much different to the Harry she was used to seeing on the media. He was wearing a pair of black sweat pants and a grey plain t-shirt, the sleeves rolled up and just a pair of black socks. His hair was up in a very messy bun but he looked stunning as always. Parisha smiled at him.

'Well I did tell you I was available any time didn't I?' she told him as she followed Harry into the lounge. Once in the lounge, Louis stood up to greet her and she noticed that he too was just in socks and sweats like Harry. She internally smiled as she realized she was witnessing domestic Larry at its finest. Louis introduced her to his mum then to Oli. Parisha vaguely remembered this ginger haired dude who always hung out with Louis though she could not fathom why. She sat down on the arm chair facing the two couches.

'So, what's this new development Harry told me about?' Parisha asked and she watched as Louis looked at Oli and Oli looked down and Jay placed a comforting hand on Oli's back and Harry stood behind the couch where Louis was sitting with a protective hand on his shoulder. Parisha missed none of it and she knew it was something big.

'Tell her,' Louis hissed at Oli. Oli looked nervously at Parisha as she waited for him to tell her what he needed to say. Harry walked round the couch and sat close to Louis, placing his arm around his shoulder, Louis instantly cuddling into his side. Parisha smiled to herself at how cute the two of them looked together but despite the cuteness she did not fail to notice the stress on their faces. She focused her attention on Oli who looked really nervous and on the verge of passing out. What the hell had happened?

'You can tell me anything,' Parisha told him trying to encourage him into telling her what was apparently eating him up inside, not to mention how he was eating up her patience! 'Anything you say is kept confidential.'

'I ugh...I know kinda that the ugh baby is not Louis',' Oli stammered out. Parisha smiled sympathetically at him while internally rolling her eyes. You don't say!

'Yeah we kinda have that nailed down already but we have to wait....'

'I know who the father is,' Oli interrupted her. Parisha sat up in her chair, her attention now sharpened as she activated into lawyer mode. Say what?

'You know for a fact who the father of the Jungwirth baby is?' she asked him surprise lacing her voice. She was not expecting this! Oli nodded.

'It's Calvin,' he said matter of factly.

'Calvin who?' Parisha asked him hoping he wouldn't add Klein after it.

'Calvin Rogers our mate,'Oli informed her. Parisha blinked at him, thrown off completely by this sudden news. This changed everything. Holy fuck she could get Louis out of this mess.

'And you know this how?' Parisha pressed because she needed evidence not just words. Oli took in a deep breath and told her all that he had told Louis, Harry and Jay. When he was done, Parisha exhaled, not knowing she had been holding her breath all the while that Oli was telling her what he knew. Well this surely changed things dramatically! Parisha sat back in her chair, looking thoughtful.

'Well?' Louis asked her. His nerves were feeling frayed. Parisha looked at him.

'Yeah what Oli said changes things. Still it's Oli's word against them. They know the truth already and it will come out eventually when the baby is born. All they want to do is drag this out for as long as they can, cause as much damage as possible. They want to slander you as much as they can. They know you will sue her by the end of all of this but it's no bother to them because they will pay for all of it.As long as they do damage, they don't really care about the money. By then the damage to you and One Direction as a band would be done. Their main focus is to ruin you guys especially you Louis. They know it will all come to an end eventually so they have nothing to lose really. Unless...'

'Unless what?' Harry asked her. Parisha took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

'Unless Calvin talks. He's the only solid proof we have. He's the only one that can turn the tables.' Louis looked at Oli.

'You need to talk to him. If we call him, he's not going to answer any of our calls. You have to convince him to talk.' Oli was already shaking his head even before Louis finished what he was saying.

'I can't Louis,' he told him in a small voice. 'He won't. You know he won't. He's scared.'

'Just get him on the bloody phone and I will talk to him,' Louis told him, almost pleading. He wanted this to be over. He wanted all of this stunt to end and to just be with Harry in peace. Oli looked at Louis sympathetically.

'Look I'll try to talk to him okay. It's best if I do it and explain things to him. Maybe I can persuade him.....'

'Persuade him?' Harry interrupted him. 'He is Louis' friend. He is the one who conceived that child and he should be taking responsibility for it not take a lump sum and run like the coward that he is and let them pin it on your friend and ruin him. Doesn't he have any morals? Or a conscience? Does he have any idea the damage that has been done, not just to Louis but to all of us our families included?' Harry paused and chuckled sarcastically. 'No I guess he doesn't since he can't even do what's right even by an innocent child. He chose money over his own flesh and blood.' Oli stood up off the couch.

'I can't promise anything but I will try and talk to him. I'm sorry for all this Lou I really am.' Nobody said anything so Oli just made his way to the door. After a while they heard the front door close silently. Louis fell back against Harry and Harry immediately wrapped his arm around his shoulder and pulled him closer, giving him the comfort he needed.

'What now?' Jay asked looking at Louis then at Harry. It was Parisha who replied to her.

'Well next thing we do is for me to call a meeting with them again. With them I mean Simon and Modest and the Jungwirth family and expose this truth to them even though as yet we don't have the proof we need to back it up but hopefully the fact that we know will shake them up a little bit, maybe scare Briana. They can still play this out and they know they can unless Calvin has a change of heart and decides to do what is right. If he doesn't, we have no choice but to wait the full nine months until we can prove that he is the true biological father. I am sorry Louis but that's the law. I can push for an in utero paternity test becasue they won't give it to us. On that I am hundred percent sure. The court will not go against a doctor and risk being held responsible should anything happen to the baby or Briana.' Louis looked at Harry, hopelessness etched on his face. It broke Harry's heart to see him so defeated. He placed a kiss on his forehead.

'It will be okay honey. It will work out.' Louis kept his gaze on Harry, his eyes lifeless.

'Will it?' he asked him softly. 'Will it ever be okay H?' Harry pulled him closer, hugging him. Jay sniffed as she dabbed at her eyes with a tissue. She hated to see Louis in all this pain. She hated to see them use him like this just because things got bad between him and Simon. She hated how Modest had always treated Louis and Harry when they found out they were in a relationship. Jay remembered the time when she had figured out that something more than friendship was going on between her son and Harry. They had been invited to a show in their early days, right in the beginning and Jay had been amazed at all the fans screaming for her boy and his friends. She couldn't fathom that her ordinary boy was on the way to stardom and everyone wanted him. She remembered they had been backstage and Louis had come to meet her and his siblings, his arm casually wrapped around Harry's waist and Harry's arm draped over his shoulder. Jay had always known that her son was far from straight but she never pushed him into talking about it or come out to her. He didn't need to make an outing of it. She accepted him in silence and was always there ready to embrace him for when he was ready to come out to her. That day, Harry had introduced her to Anne, his mum and they had talked before the show and both she and Anne knew that their sons were more than friends. Their affection towards each other by passed friendship on a higher level. Jay had noticed the way their faces lit up around each other, the way they looked at each other as if they were each other's sun, the way they orbited around each other like they were each other's axis. She hadn't missed the simple need for them to touch at every given opportunity. Anne had realized it too and when the boys had gone on stage to do their thing, Anne and Jay had secretly welcomed each other into each other's family because they knew that they would be family in the future.

Now Jay sat opposite her son and the love of his life, watching them go through hell again. As if they haven't been there and back enough times already! When Modest had discovered that the two of them were more than friends, they locked it down. She then saw the light in their eyes go out, she witnessed her son having a girlfriend that he didn't want and was there when he called and cried on the phone that they didn't want him and Harry to interact in public, that they were keeping them away from each other and why did he have to have a girlfriend when all he wanted was Harry? She had cried with him through endless phone calls when Louis had to watch Harry be with girlfriends and she had comforted him the best she could when he told her he couldn't take it anymore. Jay and Anne had been through hell with their boys and Jay knew that this had to stop. They couldn't keep on doing this to them! Jay looked at Parisha.

'You need to make this right for them. They have suffered enough. My son is not what they are making him out to be. They have taken this too far and it needs to be stopped,' she told her, her voice firm and commanding. When it came to her kids, Jay did not mess around. Parisha looked at the family gathered before her : the mother who wanted nothing but for her son to be free from the grasp of these ruthless people and to be happily with his partner and a couple who no matter all the obstacles thrown their way were fighting together against a force that's doing all they can to keep them apart. Parisha looked Jay in the eyes.

'I will,' she told her steadily and firmly. 'I promise.'

 

 

A few days later, Louis and Harry were in Parisha's office, a bright, modern office in a building on Mulholland Drive which had a spectacular view of the city and San Fernando valley. Harry couldn't help but look out the floor to ceiling windows at the breath taking view. He sat close to Louis, holding his hand in his own. During the past few days Louis had more "excursions" with Danielle and Briana, causing Briana to lash out at Danielle on social media, stating that she was carrying Louis' child and that it was preposterous for Danielle to prance around with a father to be. She accused Danielle of making Louis "stray" from his duties towards her and their unborn child. Louis always came back home feeling even more deflated and tired than he had left it and Harry was always there waiting for him with open arms to give him love and comfort and help him through this ordeal. Harry noticed that ever since all this started, Louis always wanted Harry to make love to him and Harry figured that that was his way of escaping the brutal harsh reality he was faced with. When Harry loved him, Louis forgot. When Harry loved him, he took Louis to a place far away where all his problems disappeared and it was just the two of them. And Harry never denied Louis anything. His love for Louis and constant support and attention where what were keeping Louis from going insane. Harry was his anchor and he wouldn't let him drift.

'So,' Parisha said, bringing Harry out of his momentary thoughts, 'did Calvin contact you?' Louis looked down.

'No,' he said softly. Parisha let out an exasperated breath.

'That's bad. I was really hoping he would come through.'

'Yeah so was I,' Louis said. There was a knock on the door as it opened slowly and Parisha's secretary popped her head in.

'They're here. I showed them into the meeting room.' Parisha smiled her gratitude at her.

'Thank you Amber,' she told her by way of dismissal then turned to Louis and Harry. 'Shall we?' she told them as she got up off her plush executive leather chair. She walked in front of them leading the way, her high heeled Jimmy Choos clicking on the tiled ceramic floor. Louis and Harry followed her down the corridor to a small yet elegant meeting room where Simon, Drew, Stuart and the Jungwirth family along with Mr. Simms were sat around an oval mahogany table. Parisha smiled at them as she sat across from them with Louis and Harry seated beside her.

'May we inquire what is this meeting regarding to?' Simon asked Parisha a little impatiently. 'I had to reschedule some important meetings to make it here this morning.' Parisha gave him her fakest of smiles. She didn't like this prick!

'I will make this brief so as not to keep you from your appointments Mr. Cowell. We have a source that informed us of the identity of the true biological father of Miss Jungwirth's baby,' she told him and everyone in the room gaped a little at the news. Glances were exchanged. Simon scoffed. Drew and Stuart looked at each other. Mr. Simms fixed his tie nervously. Briana grasped her mother's hand.

'I do believe we have established who the father is in our last meeting,' Mr. Simms pointed out.

'That we have,' Parisha agreed with him, 'but since our last meeting, new information has come to our knowledge regarding the real father of this baby, which I assume you all know about so please let's save each other's time and get down to real business here.'

'And who might this "father" be if not your client?' Mr. Simms asked.

'Why don't you tell me?' Parisha challenged him.

'This is a little bit extreme don't you think?' Simon asked her. Parisha smiled at him, an easy, sarcastic smile.

'I do so say it is. I mean blaming Louis for someone else's kid is a little bit outrageous. I personally wouldn't have thought that you Mr. Cowell would sink down to this level if I may say so.' Parisha turned to Briana. 'Why don't you be a dear and tell us all who the real father is.'

'Don't answer her,' Mr. Simms was quick to instruct her then he looked at Parisha. 'I really don't know what kind of game you think you are playing here. Is this some scheme you cooked up so that your client can escape his responsibilities towards this young girl and their innocent child? After all, your client is the one who is in another relationship while my client is carrying their child. And yet you call us in for another meeting where your client is yet again denying his very own child and you are trying to pin this child on another......'

'Trust me,' Louis barked at him, 'if I was really going to have a child, I would be totally different. I'm not some good for nothing who would get someone pregnant and run away from his responsibilities. I would never touch a girl as you Simon know so well. You have locked me in a closet so you should know where my heart and loyalties are. You all know I have been in a relationship with Harry for five long years which you have all been trying to destroy since day one and now you do this to me. The only reason you are doing this and getting away with it is because I cannot come out to the world because of contracts you made us sign.' The room was silent so Louis took the opportunity to say what he needed to say. 'I did not father that child,' he continued in a low, choked voice. 'If I would have even the slightest doubt that I would have fathered that child I would not be doing this. If that child was mine, would stand by you Briana not fight you but you know it wasn't me you slept with. Find it in your heart to tell the truth. I won't even sue you to take back what I gave and if you need help I will personally help you but you cannot let the world believe I fathered a child I don't give a fuck about. That's not me.' His voice broke and Harry was quick to wrap an arm around his shoulder to let him know that he was there. Before any of them could reply, there was a knock on the door and Amber walked in.

'There's someone to see you,' she informed Parisha. Parisha looked at her D&G watch and back to Amber.

'My next appointment is in an hour,' she told her. Amber looked around at the people in the room.

'You might want to see this person,' Amber told her.

'Tell them to wait till this meeting is over,' Parisha instructed but Amber pursed her lips.

'It can't wait. He said you know him. He's a friend of Mr. Tomlinson.' At those words all eyes went on Amber.

'Show him in,' Parisha urged her quickly casting a confusing look at Louis who returned it. The people in the room all looked towards the door, as Oli made his way in closely followed by Calvin. Gasps in the room were audible. Louis locked eyes with his friends and a torrent of emotions went through him. Was Calvin here to set everything straight? Or was Calvin here to deny what Oli had told them? Was this the end of this nightmare or the beginning of another one? Harry could feel the tension in Louis radiating off of him. He squeezed his shoulder lightly.

'What are you doing here?' Simon asked Oli and Calvin in a clipped tone. Calvin ignored him and fixed his eyes on Louis.

'Louis,' he said quietly, 'I am so sorry for everything.' Parisha watched as Simon let out a defeated breath, Drew and Stuart shake their heads in surrender and Mr. Simms give up. She watched as Briana's face crumpled.

'Mr. Rogers,' Parisha said addressing Calvin for the first time, 'can you please explain to me what you are exactly sorry about and what does it have to do with my client?' Calvin looked at Parisha then at Simon who gave him a death glare. Calvin looked back at Parisha.

'Louis is not the father of her baby. I am. I took a bribe from these people and I accepted it at the time but when I saw on social media what they were doing to Louis, I just couldn't. I wanted to come sooner but I didn't know what to do. They said I would face legal matters if I ever said anything.'

'You have no proof of what you are saying,' Simon told him in an annoyed tone as he rolled his eyes. Calvin ignored him and he handed Parisha a sealed brown envelope.

'That's an NDA they made me sign and the cheque I received from them. I haven't even chased it,' he said but his eyes went to Louis. 'Louis I swear I didn't know what they were up to. I didn't know they were going to pin this on you man. They just told me that they would give me this amount to keep my mouth shut about the baby being mine and to just disappear and I accepted because I really can't take care of a child but after I saw all that and Oli called me, well I want to do what's right.' He paused and looked at Briana.

'That kid is mine and I will take full responsibility......'

'How can you?' Briana's mother screeched at him. 'You can't even hold a job. You're a drunk and a drug addict. How are you going to take care of my baby and her baby? You can't give them anything.' Calvin glared at her.

'So it's alright to do this to my friend? Blaming him for a child that isn't his to take money and milk him for all that he's worth? ,' he accused Briana and then he turned on Simon, Drew and Stuart. 'And you only wanted to tarnish him. You wanted to drag him through shit just because it doesn't sit well with you that he is gay! Well deal with it. Louis is gay and he sure as hell didn't father that child because he's been in love with Harry since he was 18.' Calvin breathed heavily, his anger evident. He was awfully guilty for what he had done to Louis and he wanted to make amends. Parisha cleared her throat.

'Okay I think it's safe to say that this meeting is over. You will be hearing from us soon once I discuss the terms of procedure with my client. We sure have grounds to sue here but you will hear from us in the coming days. We will be expecting reports from the media saying how my client is not the father of this child. How you do that is not of our concern but I assume you have people qualified enough to conjure up another credible story to set the record straight with my client. Also, we will be expecting a formal apology from your behalves on all media outlets just so any doubts regarding my client will be cleared up. Failure on your behalf to do so will force me to take legal action for character defamation, harassment and character assassination. Thank you so much for your attendance. The exit is that way.' Without further arguments or protestations, Briana and her parents stood up and walked out of the meeting room not before shooting Louis a killer glance, then they were followed by Simon, Stuart, Drew and Mr. Simms. As soon as the door closed behind them, everyone sighed in relief. Harry turned to Louis.

'We did it. Honey its over. You are free,' he told him as he pulled him in for a hug. Louis wrapped his arms around Harry's neck and buried his face in his hair.

'I'm free,' he whispered. 'I'm free Haz. Thank you.' Harry pulled back from the embrace and looked Louis in the eyes that were a little glassy. He cupped his face in both his big hands.

'I told you it would be alright,' Harry told him, his own eyes watering as he placed a soft kiss on Louis' lips. Louis didn't care that his mates and Parisha were there. He kissed Harry's lips repeatedly.

'You (kiss) did! (kiss) You (kiss) did!(kiss) I (kiss) love (kiss) you (kiss) so (kiss) fucking (kiss) much (kiss)', Louis told him as Harry giggled against his lips.

'Okay guys,' Parisha said a smile on her lips. 'As much as I'm enjoying and having always wanted to see Larry kiss we have matters to discuss about what to do next.' Harry and Louis stopped kissing and looked at Parisha as they laced their fingers together, holding each others hand tightly with silly grins on their faces. Calvin and Oli sat across from them and Calvin looked down unable to meet Louis' gaze. Parisha opened the envelope and took out a few sheets of paper and read through them. Attached was a cheque with a huge lump sum written on it.

'Mr. Rogers,' Parisha began, 'you know that this is against the law and you face criminal charges for what you did. This is fraud and defamation of character on the person of my client. You accepted money to falsely accuse my client of fathering a child. You played a huge role in this and if we go to court...'

'We are not going to court,' Louis said suddenly interrupting Parisha. She turned in her chair to look at him.

'Louis what they did is against the law. They fabricated lies and paid money for silence. Not to mention we have to open a lawsuit against Briana.' Louis looked at her with a small smile on his lips. He looked relaxed and peaceful.

'Parisha I'm not going to sue her. I haven't paid that much so just let her keep it. She will need it for the baby. However, I will not continue to pay for her rental so she has to move out. Inform her that the rent is paid till the end of the month.'

'But Louis,' Parisha began but Louis placed his free hand over her's and silenced her.

'I want this to be over Parisha. I want to go home with Harry and make a meal and lounge on our couch and watch shitty day telly for the next two days. Then we leave again to carry on our tour. I don't want anymore exposure, anymore media shit hounding me. Please, let her keep the money I paid and let's all move on from this.' Parisha wanted to argue with him that this was not right but when Harry caught her eye and nodded softly at her, giving her a small smile, letting her know that they should do what Louis wanted, she let it go. Louis looked at Calvin.

'Why did you do it?' he asked him softly. Harry was expecting him to fly into a rage but he was surprised at how composed Louis was. Of course Harry knew how tired he was of all the drama so he put his calm attitude down to the fact that Louis was done with this shit. They had talked at length about all possible outcomes of this situation and they were on the same page. They had agreed on what steps to take depending on the outcomes.

'I'm sorry,' Calvin said not meeting Louis' gaze.

'I'm sorry doesn't cover it Cal. You were my best mate. I treated you like the brother I never had. You should've come to me with this. Did you think I wouldn't have helped you? Did you think I would've let you have difficulty in being there for your kid financially? I would have never let your kid suffer. I do anything for you guys you should know this by now.' Calvin slowly raised his head and Louis could see the tears in his eyes.

'I don't know what I can say to ever make this right. I fucked up Louis. I know I fucked up times before and you helped me out and I cannot begin to tell you how much I regret what I have done. I know you can't forgive me and I don't deserve it but they seemed like a way out for me and I honestly didn't know that they would've done this to you. I'm so sorry Lou,' he choked out. Louis kept looking at him but said nothing. It was Oli who spoke up.

'I'm just happy you're out of this man. You don't deserve any of this shit. We'll go now yeah.' Louis nodded as Calvin and Oli got up and made their way out of the room. But before they left Louis spoke up.

'Cal, if you ever need anything for your baby let me know. Your child doesn't need to suffer.' Calvin nodded once and they walked out, closing the door softly behind them. Harry lifted their intertwined hands to his lips and kissed the back of Louis' hand.

'I am so proud of you love. Are you alright?' he asked him and Louis nodded.

'I will be,' he replied. Harry smiled at him.

'You're gonna forgive them aren't you?' he asked him, humor lacing his voice. Louis grinned at him.

'But I'm gonna let them stew in it for a while though,' he told Harry and Harry laughed.

'You are a cheeky little shit that I love and adore. So what do you want for your celebratory dinner tonight to celebrate your new found freedom?' Harry asked him with mock amusement.

'Are you cooking?' Louis asked him, raising an eyebrow at him.

'Yes I am cooking. What kind of question is that?' Harry asked him as if offended. Louis looked at the ceiling pretending to be thinking.

'In that case I want a Sunday roast complete with spuds and Yorkshire pudding with gravy. Haven't had a decent English meal in ages.' Harry leaned over and kissed his cheek.

'You got it babe.'

'Sorry to interrupt your dinner plans,' Parisha told them with a smile, 'but I have another appointment in less than ten minuets.' Louis and Harry got up and smiled at her.

'We are going to be in need of your services again,' Louis told her as he cast a fond glance towards Harry.

'You will?' Parisha asked him surprised. 'Regarding what?' Louis and Harry gave her each other a knowing smile.

'Its regarding the 31st October,' Harry informed her. Parisha looked at him a little confounded.

'Uhm Halloween? You're not like going to dress up as clowns and commit murder are you? Because criminal law is not my jurisdiction I have you know,' she told them. Harry chuckled.

'Yes it will be Halloween also known as our last OTRA concert. Would you like to join us for dinner tonight at our home so we can discuss the details of why we will be needing your services?' Harry asked her. Parisha's eyes widened in surprise.

'I...I would love to gosh yes of course,' she told them a little flustered at the thought of going to dinner with Louis and Harry at their home for a dinner cooked by Harry fucking Styles! Harry and Louis walked to the door but before they walked out Louis looked back at her.

'See you at seven. Don't be late. This dork doesn't like it when people are late for his dinners.' He winked at her before following Harry out of the room.


	74. Chapter 74

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning lovely people. As promised I'm back with another Outing Larry Chapter and I am positively sure you are going to love this chapter. I think its one of my favorites. We are nearing the end of the chapters I have written but fret not, I am writing the ending of Outing Larry. I am not sure yet if it will be 2 chapters or just a long one. I will decide as I go along. I cannot wait to start writing Outing Larry 2! I'm excited. Okay I'll leave you to read this one. Enjoy. Have fun and let me know what you thought! All the love, M.

31st October 2015

Sheffield Arena

 

Backstage was crowded and packed. Everyone was on a high and everyone was busy, rushing around doing things, fetching things, checking that everything was in order, some were barking orders and others running to get those orders seen to. It was the last concert of the OTRA tour. The end of another One Direction successful tour. Nine months of touring and being on the road, performing in different countries and different continents, to hundred thousands of people, all was coming to an end tonight and the boys had insisted on a big finish since after this they would all be off on a long much needed break. All the workers involved, those from setting up the stage to sound and light technicians to the security detail to the people checking tickets and showing the fans to their seats, to the kitchen crew, hair and make up artists, wardrobe crew and cleaners were all in good moods and high spirits. It was the closure to a successful tour despite the fact that along the way One Direction had lost a member and all the problems, pain and heartache they had encountered along the way during the past nine months. Still, they had worked harder and had made it work between the four of them and they had come through as always. So here they were tonight about to wrap up their biggest tour ever.

Back in the VIP rooms, Louis, Harry, Niall and Liam lounged with their family and friends.The room was crowded. Anne, Gemma, Jay, Maura, Denise and Karen sat together on one of the couches talking while Geoff, Robin, Dan, Gregg and Bobby where talking among themselves. Parisha and Val were engaged in a serious discussion while Lou, their stylist and Shane chatted to each other animatedly. Louis looked around the room and felt his heart soar. He looked at his family, his mum, Dan, Phoebe, Daisy, Fizzy, Lottie and Tommy. He looked across the room to where Harry was playing with Ernie, Theo and Adam who were dressed up for Halloween Ernie as Spiderman, Theo as a pirate and Adam as a member from Kiss, wrestling with them playfully while Lux, dressed up as Wonder Woman tugged at his leg to get his attention which she did and Louis watched as Harry gave her his dimpled smile and undivided attention. Only Doris who was dressed as a Bumble Bee was sitting on his mum, watching Harry play with the others and not taking part in climbing all over Harry, pulling at his clothes as his hair came loose out of his bun but who shined like the sun regardless but Doris was shy of Harry and Louis watched her watch him with wide eyes full of longing, wanting to go to him yet clinging to her mum. He knew Doris loved Harry and Harry doted on her but she was still pretty shy where he was concerned and didn't give him the time of day. He knew that it upset Harry even though he brushed it off casually. Louis knew it got to him that Doris was still so aloof with him.

Everyone who mattered was here: Shane and Val, Jeff and Glenne, Xander and a girl he introduced to Harry as his girlfriend (and Louis couldn't help the happiness he felt at the news. That should keep him away from his Harry) his mates Oli, Stan, Luke and Calvin. They had sorted everything out between them and like Harry had predicted, Louis had forgiven them. He was also helping Calvin with his problem regarding his baby. The Jungwirth family didn't want him around even though he was ready to step up to his responsibilities but they only wanted money, money which Calvin didn't have but which Louis was helping him with. Louis had also gotten their lawyer Parisha to help Calvin fight for his visitation rights with the child. No child should be fatherless and Louis would help his friend to be there for his kid, financially and emotionally. Louis was happy. Everything was finally being sorted, everything was falling into place. One final concert then a good break after five years of non stop work. Louis was looking forward to the break, to be with Harry, spend time with his family and go on vacations. He had another plan for this break though but first he needed to see how to set his plan in motion in the first place. The thought excited him and scared him at the same time and he knew he had to think about this plan to make it perfect.

'You're drooling,' Val told him as she nudged him with her shoulder. Louis scowled at her.

'Am not! Piss off!' he protested.

'Oh yes you are! You have been staring at Harry playing with the kids with a dazed look in your eyes and drool running down your chin.'

'Fuck you,' Louis told her playfully, a fond smile on his face. Val smiled back at him equally fondly. Val, Shane and Adam had become family and he couldn't imagine them not being in their lives. They both looked back at Harry who was sitting on the floor with four kids all over him.

'You know he's gonna be a great dad someday right?' Val told him as she watched Louis dreamily look at Harry who was juggling four screaming kids who were all tangled up around him and he was laughing happily. 'He's gonna make you so proud. He's gonna love your kids and dote on them and spoil them rotten and he is going to be one hell of a husband.' Louis turned to look at her and he felt his cheeks heat up and his heart speed up at the thought and he couldn't help the cheesy grin on his face.

'You really think.....'

'I don't think. I know it!' Val cut him off. 'You two will get there eventually and you will be the most beautiful and happy family ever with lots of kids, even more than Brad and Angelina.' Louis looked back at Harry who was trying to get Lux's little fingers out of his bun that was almost undone now and his hair was everywhere but Louis couldn't help but smile fondly at the giant baby playing with the kids, who had the rosiest cheeks ever, shiny green eyes and the silliest grin on his face and couldn't help but imagine Harry with playing with their kids like that and it made his heart speed up and long for it.

'You think he would want to marry me?' Louis asked her softly, his eyes not leaving Harry. Val scoffed.

'Please. He was fucking born to marry you.' She stopped suddenly and turned to look at Louis with wide eyes. 'Wait...are you planning on asking him?' Louis turned to look at Val with shocked eyes.

'What? No. I mean...I don't know...I mean...I thought about it but not in the near future. Nobody knows about us, I mean..... I don't know,' he stuttered out, looking at the floor, his face red. Val nudged him with her shoulder again.

'You do know Louis. Don't doubt yourself. You just need the right timing.' Before Louis could reply, there was a knock on the door and it opened slowly to reveal one of their security detail.

'There's someone to see you,' he announced before opening the door wide to allow their visitor entrance. They all gaped as Zayn walked into the room and the room went silent. He stood by the door not venturing in as if waiting for permission to enter, his hands in his jeans pocket looking really awkward. He looked nervous and uncomfortable. The silence in the room was deafening as everyone just stared at Zayn until Liam got up from where he was sitting beside his dad, his eyes fixed on Zayn.

'Zayn,' he whispered and walked over to him. 'What are you doing here?' Louis noticed that Harry had stopped playing with the kids and had stood up even though they were still pulling at him to come play but he was glaring at Zayn, the frown lines between his brows deep. Louis moved towards him immediately and placed a hand on the small of his back, gently rubbing circles with his thumb, comforting him, letting him know that it was okay. He knew the way Harry felt about Zayn after all that had happened and he really didn't want him to explode because when Harry exploded, no one wanted to witness that Not tonight. Not here. Not ever! Zayn shifted nervously from foot to foot.

'I ugh I uhm I came to see you guys since its uhm well your last show and all and I ugh....I needed to see you,' he whispered as he looked down at his shoes. Liam stood beside him, just looking at him as if he was a miraculous appearance, not believing that he was actually here. Niall rushed towards him and hugged him tightly, taking Zayn by surprise. Niall clapped him on the back.

'So good to see you man. I missed you,' Niall told him, a huge smile splitting his face. Niall was so easy going, so cheerful, so unproblematic. Zayn smiled at him but said nothing. He was feeling far too much to say anything and he had already noticed how Harry was glaring at him from across the room and how Louis stood protectively by his side and it made him wonder if it had been a good idea coming here at all. He knew well enough that Harry was the one out of them all that was very pissed off at him and Zayn knew that he had to offer him some sort of explanation but he didn't know for what exactly. They knew why he had left or more like it had been kicked out but they couldn't really discuss it here in front of all their families. Nobody knew about him and Liam. Louis took in a deep breath and walked over towards Zayn and stood in front of him. He leaned forward, wrapped his arms around his shoulders and gently hugged him.

'I'm glad you came,' Louis whispered and Zayn felt a lump in his throat, choking him. He missed them so much especially Louis. Louis was his best friend and they hadn't spoken since he had left. He wrapped his arms around Louis' waist and hugged him tightly.

'I missed you Lou,' Zayn said quietly. Louis pulled back and looked at his friend who looked tired and sad. 'I'm so sorry about what I said on Twitter. I...I didn't mean any of it. I was just frustrated about the whole thing and....'

'Shh its okay Zayn. I know you didn't mean any of it. I'm sorry that I hit back at you. We shouldn't have done that on social media but its all past now.' Zayn looked past him to Harry who was standing there motionless, eyes wide as if he had seen a ghost.

'Is it?' Zayn asked him and Louis followed his line of vision and met Harry's green eyes across the room. Louis hoped in his heart that Harry wouldn't cause a scene. He understood that he was upset with all that had happened but tonight was special. Everything about tonight was special and he wanted it to be special with nothing bad happening. He was looking at Harry with pleading eyes to either leave the room if he wasn't up for it or just simply over come this. But Harry wasn't looking at him. Harry's eyes were fixed on Zayn. Before Louis could do or say anything, Harry moved and walked over to them and stood in front Zayn. Zayn looked up at him and Louis noticed that his hands were shaking.

'Harry I'm so sorry.......' he began but Harry cut him off by wrapping both his arms around his shoulders and pulling him into his chest, both his long arms wrapped tightly around Zayn's back. Zayn gasped.

'I missed you so much,' Harry whispered in his hair, his voice choked. 'One moment you were here and then you were gone,' Harry told him. Zayn felt the tears rim his eyes. He expected a lot of things from Harry but he hadn't expected this.

'I'm so sorry,' Zayn repeated.

'Shh shh it wasn't your fault,' Harry soothed him as he pulled back and looked at Zayn. Louis could see the tears on Harry's cheeks and at that moment he felt so proud of his boy for over coming his anger and frustrations at Zayn, for putting the past in the past where it belonged. The four of them surrounded him, hugging each other and for a while it felt like it was back in the old days when they were still five. Their missing boy had returned even if only to be with them at this last show to support them before their break. Zayn kept apologizing to them over and over until he finally turned to Liam.

'I....' he began but he didn't know exactly what to tell him and Liam knew that, because he didn't give Zayn time to continue speaking before he leaned in and captured his lips in a soft loving kiss. All of them heard the gasps around the room but they remained surrounding Liam and Zayn as if protecting them and giving them some privacy. This was their moment. This was why those assholes had fired Zayn because he and Liam loved each other. Karen's cries broke their kiss and it dawned on Liam that his parents were in the room. He slowly turned around to find his mother and father looking at him, grief stricken, his mother crying in his father's arms.

'Mum. Dad,' Liam said in a broken voice as he walked towards them not sure how they would respond to this. He looked at their pained shocked faces and he hated himself for hurting them this way. He was also aware that everyone else in the room was witnessing what was going on but Liam was not worried. Everyone in this room was family. 'Mum,' he said again, 'I am so sorry. I...I have been wanting to tell you that I am bisexual and that....that I love Zayn.' He paused and looked at his father and his mother, both crying. 'I have been in love with Zayn for a long time. I never meant for it to happen but it just did. I am so sorry if I disappointed you.....' Liam was cut off by his mother hugging him tightly.

'Baby you can never disappoint us. It is a shock yes but you don't disappoint us. You have over come so much and many where the times we thought we were going to lose you. You are our baby and nothing you do could ever let us down. It doesn't matter who you love. We just want you to be happy,' his mother told him as she sniffed back her tears. Liam hugged his mother tightly.

'Mum,' he whispered, his eyes meeting his dad's who was still standing motionless, a shocked look on his face and Liam was afraid that his dad would reject him, that his dad would not accept him. His parents meant the world to him and he hated if his father... but his thoughts were cut short when his father enveloped him in a tight bear hug.

'I'm so proud of you Liam. Don't ever be afraid to tell us anything ever again. You are our son and we love you as you are.' Liam melted in his father's embrace, his own tears falling because he couldn't believe how lucky he was that these two people were his parents. His father pulled back and looked at Liam. 'We love you so much.' His mother walked over to Zayn who had been standing there shocked all the while and she smiled at him, then wrapped him in a hug.

'Take care of his heart. He's precious,' Karen told him softly. Zayn slowly and awkwardly put his arms around Karen and hugged her gently.

'I will,' he promised. When Karen pulled back, Geoff walked over and held out his hand to Zayn and Zayn took it and they shook hands.

'If you make our son happy, then that's all that matters to us,' Geoff told him. Zayn smiled at him and nodded. Liam walked over and stood beside Zayn and took his hand in his. At least now their family and friends knew though Zayn's family still didn't know and Liam didn't know if Zayn was ready to tell them yet. They sure were not ready to let the world know about them but this was a start and it made Liam feel at peace inside. He hated hiding things from his parents but now they knew and they accepted him and he felt lucky and blessed and loved.

The door opened and their stage manager popped her head in.

'Guys fifteen minutes to go. Come on!' she announced and everyone was up on their feet and the room was bustling with moving people and filled with happy voices and Lou was freaking out over Harry's messy hair and she pulled him into a chair and began fixing his unruly curls while Lux jumped up into his lap. Orders and directions were being called out and their family and friends were ushered out to the VIP section of the arena and then it was just them and Zayn in the empty room.

'Wish we could have you sing with us one more time,' Liam told him but Zayn shook his head.

'It wouldn't be fair to the fans to give them false hopes. Most of them hate me already so much and they should because I wasn't even allowed to give them an explanation as to why I left.'

'They don't hate you man,' Louis told him but Zayn gave him a weak smile.

'I read their tweets. Some are cool giving me the benefit of the doubt but yeah I don't blame those that hate me. I would hate me too for leaving like I did.' Liam wrapped an arm around his shoulder and hugged him.

'Don't be too hard on yourself. One day they will know the truth and who knows maybe one day when we are all free from them and had a good break, maybe we can come back as five again.' They all looked at each other but no one spoke, no one dared make any promises. Instead they hugged tightly. The door opened again and the stage manager who was clearly on the verge of having an emotional breakdown announced:

'You have five minutes before you're on. Please, for the love of God I need you backstage now. Come on hurry up.' Harry felt sorry for her because she looked stressed and worried but they were always a few minutes late anyway. He gave her a reassuring smile and a thumbs up. He looked at Zayn.

'They're gonna know you're here you know that right? Nothing escapes them and most probably you will be on Twitter with some hash tag stating that you are coming back,' Harry told him fondly. Zayn smiled at him.

'I know,' he simply told him. 'Good luck guys. Have a good one yeah.' And they were off, running down the corridor towards the back of the stage and even from here they could here the screams and their adrenaline began pumping in their veins and they were ready and tonight was the night and everything was perfect and they had no idea how life would be after tonight but whatever happened, they were bound together.

Once they finally got backstage, hands were all over them, handing them microphones, putting in their ear pieces accordingly in their ears and prepping them up for the show. The music started, the lights in the arena went down and the screaming got louder while their own hearts sped up.

'Two minutes,' the stage manager told them. They formed a circle, arms over each other's shoulders expect for Louis who held Harry by the waist, his fingers fisting his black tee shirt.

'This is it,' Liam told them.

'This is it,' they all repeated. The looked at each other, excitement clear on their faces. Harry took in a deep breath.

'Whatever happens from here on I just want you to know that its been one hell of a ride and I don't regret one moment of it. We don't know what tomorrow will bring but I'm hoping we will be in it together....for better and for worse because we are brothers.' They placed their hands on top of each other, Harry gripping Louis' fingers tightly.

'For better and for worse,' they repeated. Louis looked at Liam and Niall.

'Thank you for the constant support you showed Harry and I up to today. We appreciate it so much and we wouldn't have reached this point in time if we didn't have your support. I love you guys.' They all swallowed thickly and hugged each other tightly.

'Let's do this,' Niall told them as they all made their way to exit on to the stage. As soon as they exited the lights went up, momentarily blinding them and it truly hit them that this was it. The end of the road. The screams, the love, the dedication, five years of doing this and this was their last for a while. They didn't know for how long they would be gone yet but they realized they were scared. Ever since they were teenagers, this is what they had done.This is what they knew and after tonight, they would go on an indefinite break and what if their fans forgot them? What if they moved on to some other band? They had discussed the possibility and it was okay. They had to reassure their fans, make them know that no matter what the media were saying about how this was not a hiatus but a break up, they had to let them know that they weren't disbanding! This was just a hiatus. They had to make them believe it. They had to make promises to them.

So far they had dropped songs for them off the new album and they had written one especially for them, a promise from them to their amazing fans that they will be coming back. They had talked at length about all the possibilities after tonight. Nothing was sure or certain after tonight. And they were scared and worried but they had a show to do.

Out here, in front of them ,they knew their fans' hearts were breaking because they were leaving them. And in all honesty, they couldn't blame their fears and worries and heartache because they felt it too up here while performing for them, they felt the reality of it coming down and they knew their futures were uncertain. It was the most emotional concert they had ever done only because they knew before that after they finished a tour, they would rest for a few months and then be on the road again. This time, there would be nothing and even though they needed the break, it was weighing down on them.

They continued with the concert, having fun and entertaining their fans, family and friends. When they spoke to the crowd, the emotions couldn't be hidden from their voices. They thanked them endlessly and promised that they were coming back and Harry went as far as to ask them to not to forget about them because he knew that after tonight, nothing will ever be the same again. He looked at Louis and he could see the strain on his face even though he was smiling. He could see the way he was holding his microphone and the way he shifted from one foot to the other and he wanted to go over and hug him and tell him that it will all be alright.

Soon, the concert was drawing to a close and they dragged it out as much as they could especially during 'Act My Age' where they danced and danced and their families and friends danced too but soon it was time to say goodbye and they knew it. They couldn't avoid it any longer. The lights had to be turned off and the curtain had to come down on One Direction for the time being.

'Drag Me Down' started, the final song for the night, for this closing chapter in the life of One Direction. As they thanked everyone yet again and sang the song, they couldn't help the sense of loss they were experiencing. The fans felt it too. It was mutual. There were tears. The song ended but the music carried on. They went around waving at their loyal, loving fans and hugging each other. Harry hugged Liam and Niall hugged Louis. Harry and Louis looked at each other, Louis shrugged his shoulder and Harry closed the distance between them as they fell into each others' arms. And time stood still just as if someone had paused the show and they stood still in time. And all the screaming and music fell away and they were suspended in a place where it was just the two of them embracing. It was in slow motion. They hugged tightly, loving the feel of being in each other's arms in front of everyone. Harry pulled back and looked into Louis' face and Louis nodded slightly and Harry's hand cupped his cheek and he leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on Louis' lips.

And suddenly everything exploded. The music came back and the screaming was deafening and the whole arena burst into a chant of "Larry Larry Larry" and Harry pulled back and looked at Louis who was glowing and Harry reached down and took Louis' hand in his, intertwining his fingers through his and they turned to face the crowd and it took their breath away to see fans crying and chanting "Larry Larry Larry" and waving pride flags. And Liam was next to Louis and Niall stood next to Harry and Harry raised his and Louis' intertwined hands high above their heads in victory, put the microphone to his mouth and said:

'Love Wins. Always.' And the crowd went crazy because Larry had just come out and Louis and Harry knew that this was as emotional for their "shippers" as it was for them. They had been through this journey with them since the start and Louis and Harry had decided that if they were going to come out, they would do it this way as a way to thank everyone for supporting them and believing in "Larry" over the years. Larry were finally out of the closet and so where their shippers!

The music went on as the band joined them for the last bow. They all hugged Louis and Harry and each other because tonight was special. Tonight was about love and promises and loyalty. They all stood in a line next to each other, Harry's arm draped over Louis' shoulder and Louis' arm wrapped around Harry's waist and they all bowed together to their fans who were not just fans but their people. It was love all around. It was felt and appreciated.

When they left the stage and entered back stage they found their families and friends already there. Some were crying and some were laughing and hugging each other. Crew members clapped them on the back congratulating them. Liam and Niall pulled Louis and Harry into an hug.

'We did it,' Harry said. 'Lou we did it.' Louis looked at him, his eyes shining.

'We really did. We're out. Oh my God I can't believe it we're out.'

'You better believe it,' Liam told him as they hugged each other tighter. Just then Anne came up behind Harry.

'Baby,' she told him softly, tears streaming down her face. Harry turned and fell into his mother's open arms.

'We did it mum,' he said his voice hoarse.

'Yes you did baby you did. I am so proud of you. And of Louis. And of Niall and Liam for agreeing to support your coming out. I love you baby so much.' Anne kissed his face and next thing he knew Harry was being pulled into his sister's arms.

'My walnut,' she whispered in his hair. 'I am so proud of you. You and dip shit are free now and I hope to God he won't hurt you again.....' Harry burst out laughing and hugged his sister tightly to him.

'Gem he won't hurt me. He never intended to hurt me and his name is not dip shit.' He pulled back and looked at his sister who had tears in her eyes. He kissed her forehead. 'I love you Gem,' he told her. He looked over at Louis who was in Jay's arms and she was crying so hard. Harry walked over to them and placed a hand on the small of her back.

'Jay are you alright?' he asked her when he saw the way she was sobbing. Jay pulled back and looked at Harry, pulling him to her into a tight hug.

'I'm just so happy Harry. Finally all this torment has come to an end. You and Louis deserve to be happy and I'm so glad my son chose you.' Harry felt his chest tighten at her words. He felt Louis' hand on his back and Harry pulled back and looked into Louis' face and he saw his world because at the moment nothing else really mattered. They knew when they had decided to come out and told their family and friends their plans for this night, that afterwards there would be problems but that's why they had Parisha. That is why they had told her their plan from the beginning so she would be prepared for what was to come.

'Baby,' Harry whispered and that was all it took for Louis to feel weak at the knees and let himself fall into Harry as Harry pulled him closer and placed his lips on his and kiss him in front of everyone while all their family and friends clapped, cheered and hugged them. They broke the kiss, their foreheads together, both smiling.

'We did it Haz,' Louis told him happily.

'We did baby we did,' Harry told him. Just then Val came up to them.

'So proud of you guys. And guess what? You're trending on Twitter at number one!'

'Already?' Louis asked her surprised. Val raised an eyebrow at him.

'Why are you sounding surprised? What did you expect? Those guys out there have waited for this moment as much as you have. They are your army of Larries who have defended your honor and fought for you and your love! They are celebrating your freedom. They had you trending worldwide in a record of fifteen minutes. Everyone is just so happy. You need to take a celebratory selfie and give it to them. You owe them that much. Save them having to edit one.' Harry and Louis looked at each other.

'We will,' Harry told her as he pulled Louis close to him. They all walked down to the VIP room where all their friends and families where. Jeff had ordered champagne before hand as they all had known that tonight Louis and Harry planned to come out. He opened a bottle and began pouring glasses. When everyone had a glass, Jeff raised his glass.

'Tonight is a special occasion for various reasons. One Direction finished yet another successful tour and are now embarking on a well deserved break before they get their asses back to work and a special celebration because Louis and Harry are finally out of their closet. We have all suffered with you the hardships of not being allowed to love each other in the light of the sun but today you guys broke free. Yes, the road ahead might bring along more difficulties for you but know that you have people on your side who will help you fight this and you will win because as my good dear friend Harry put it: Love Wins. Always. To love.' Everyone raised their glass and said :"To Love." Everyone drank their champagne and reached out for their loved ones.

The atmosphere in the room was happy and relaxed. Lots of congratulations were made and hugs were given and happy tears were shed. Louis and Harry never let go of each other one bit just like Zayn didn't let go of Liam because he knew that soon he would have to leave and he didn't know when he would see Liam again. Parisha walked over to them and smiled at them.

'I never thought I would live to see the day you guys would come out,' she told them happily. 'You just made a lot of people happy too.' Louis cuddled into Harry.

'We love making people happy,' he told her as he looked up at Harry and Harry pecked his lips softly. Parisha looked from one to the other.

'You know the powers that be already know that you are out right?' she asked them softly not wanting to dampen the happy mood but she was after all their lawyer and had to advise them about the upcoming situation. Louis and Harry nodded.

'That's why we turned our phones off,' Harry told her.

'Okay good,' Parisha told them, 'now when you turn them back on, do not under any circumstances answer any of their calls or text messages or emails or whatever without me being present. Save all the voice mails you receive, all emails, all texts. You are going to get threats from them but please just let me handle them okay. All you have to do is go home and enjoy each other. I don't want you worrying about this. I got it. Do you understand?' They both nodded.

'What about Zayn?' Louis asked her.

'I will have to talk to Zayn and hear his side of things. During the concert Val filled me in on what happened and if he has been fired because of his association with Liam, then yes I will defend him too. No one gets fired for their sexual preferences. That's discrimination and these assholes have done a lot of it in your regards and its about time they were stopped.' Harry let go of Louis and hugged her.

'Thank you. Thank you so much,' he told her, his voice full of sincere gratitude. When he pulled back, Louis hugged her too and thanked her for her work. A knock on the door brought everyone's attention to the closed door as it opened and Preston peeked in.

'Your car is here ready to take you to the airport,' he informed Louis and Harry. They nodded at him.

'We'll be there in a minute,' Harry told him. They had decided that after the concert they wanted to go to their home in London. They knew they would need the privacy and a hotel didn't offer that so they had a private jet ready to whisk them home. They began saying goodbye to their families: Harry hugging Louis' tribe of siblings though he still didn't get a hug out of Doris who hid her face in Jay's hair when Harry tired to hug her. Louis was saying goodbye to Harry's parents then he stood in front of Gemma. Since the night when he had tried to out them in Dubai and he had ended up making a colossal fuck up of things and had really upset Harry, Gemma hadn't spoken to him.

'Gem,' he told her softly. Gemma looked at him.

'You take care of him. Don't fucking hurt him again Louis or I swear to God....'

'I won't Gem,' Louis cut her off. 'I won't. Never again. I promise you. I won't.' Gemma smiled at him and hugged him.

'Okay then dip shit. Have a safe trip yeah.' Louis smiled in her hair because he really loved Gemma.

'We will,' he told her. Just then Harry came up behind him.

'Are you ready to go love?' Harry asked him softly. Louis nodded. Harry took his hand in his and it felt strange and weird because they weren't used to being so public and Harry noticed this because Louis' hand was stiff.

'Relax,' Harry told him. 'It takes some getting used to but we don't have to hide anymore. We can hold hands everywhere we go now Lou.' Louis smiled up at him.

'I know.' Harry tugged on his hand as they walked towards the door while everyone yelled bye to them. Once outside in the corridor, they followed Preston, still holding hands and as they passed crew members and staff they all smiled at them warmly while Harry shook their hands and thanked them for their work. When they got outside, they were grateful for the chilly air. Their sweaty tee shirts stuck to them and it made them shiver. They got in the car and settled in for the short drive to the airport.

'Can't wait till we get home and have a shower,' Louis said as Harry closed the car door. Preston got in front next to the driver and gave him the go ahead to drive to the airport. Harry moved closer to Louis, his lips inches away from Louis' lips.

'Home,' he whispered. 'I like the sound of that. How about a nice hot bubble bath with those pink bath bombs I bought? Maybe a glass of chilled wine?' he whispered into Louis' ear.

'Hmm,' Louis hummed happily, 'sounds like a good plan.' They enjoyed the twenty minute drive in comfortable silence until the car stopped and they got out on the tarmac beside their private jet. A ground hostess checked their passports and wished them a safe flight as Louis and Harry made their way up into the small aircraft. Inside it was quiet and empty save for three crew members: a pilot, co pilot and a male steward. They shook hands and Louis and Harry settled in the big armchairs. No sooner had they buckled in, they felt the vibrations of the engine and the small aircraft move on the tarmac towards the runway, ready for take off.

Within five minutes they were airborne and being informed that the flight to Heathrow would take only thirty minutes and that they should land at Heathrow at approximately 1:30 am. Harry stretched out his long legs as he accepted a bottle of water from the steward and looked at Louis who was sipping his own water.

'Are you happy?' Harry asked him. Louis smiled at him.

'I can't describe the happiness I feel Haz,' he told him. Then his face went serious. 'I'm so happy its scaring me. I feel like I'm in a dream and that I'm going to wake up and.....' Harry got up off his chair and walked over to Louis, sitting on the arm of his chair.

'Hey hey, none of this is a dream love. Its all real yeah. Don't be afraid to be happy.' Louis looked down.

'I'm just worried about.....them,' he said quietly. Harry placed his finger under Louis' chin and tilted his head till his blue eyes met his.

'Don't be. Yes we might be facing legal battles but Parisha will help us through this. Also Val said that she has collected enough evidence that it should help Parisha build a case against them.'

'We can't sue them Haz. It was in our contract but they can sue us.' Harry moved off the armchair and dropped to his knees between Louis' legs.

'Baby listen to me. Please don't let this worry you okay. We talked about this long and hard and we got legal advice before we did this. Please sweetheart don't let them take this from us. Be happy. Be happy with me. Don't think about what could go wrong okay. Trust me please. We will be okay. Whatever happens we will be okay because we are together. And if....and if this move is the end of One Direction, then we should be thankful for the amazing years we've had. We all knew the risks we were taking. Azoff is still intending on signing us up but baby if it doesn't work, we have each other. I can always go back to work with Barbara at the bakery to make a living for us hmm. I'm pretty sure she will hire me back.' Harry smiled and Louis couldn't help but smile back.

'Yeah and I will have to listen for the rest of my life about how you are a fucking baker. As if I haven't heard you say it enough,' Louis teased him. Harry squeezed his thighs.

'But you love me,' Harry told him, a shit eating grin on his face.

'That I do,' Louis agreed as he kissed him softly on his beautiful pink lips. Just then, the pilot's voice flowed thorough the cabin announcing their descent into Heathrow. Harry got back into his seat and buckled in, a contended smile still on his face. As soon as the aircraft landed, they were ushered to a waiting car and sped home. In less than thirty minutes, their driver pulled up into their drive. They thanked him and got out. Harry pulled the keys out of his pocket and opened the back door.

'Home sweet home,' he said as he flipped the lights on in the kitchen. Louis closed the door behind him, locking it and rested his back against the door.

'Its so good to be home,' he said. Harry rested against the breakfast bar.

'Yeah it is. No schedules. No alarm clocks. No planes, cars or anything for a while.' Louis looked at him.

'We still have a few promo appearances to do and the London session and the final appearance on the X Factor. Plus we might get asked to do interviews about our coming out.' Harry seemed to be thinking.

'Yeah. We have to see how the rest of the promo goes after today and as for any coming out interviews, I think we should have only one person do an exclusive with us.' They looked at each other then together they said:

'Corden!' Harry smiled.

'Yeah I think we should give the exclusive to him when we do the London Session. He's always had our backs.' Louis nodded in agreement.

'Not gonna give it to Dan fucking Wootan that's for sure. Wanker! The Sun can kiss my ass. They are getting nothing from us. They can just go speculate like they always do.'

'I agree,' Harry said as he walked over to Louis. 'Now how about I go and draw us a nice hot bath and you get a bottle of wine for us to celebrate hmm?' Louis looked up at Harry, his green eyes shining and he felt a pull in his groin. He needed alone time with Harry. He needed to love Harry and be loved by him.

'Sounds good,' he said hoarsely. Harry pecked his lips lightly.

'Don't be long,' he told him as he walked out of the kitchen and headed upstairs. He went into their bedroom and turned on the lampshades. He closed the curtains and removed the decorative pillows off the bed and pulled back the duvet. On the dresser and side tables where his favorite scented candles and he lit them up. Then he went into the bathroom and began filling the big tub with hot water. He poured in lavender oil and lavender bubble bath and a pink bath bomb. Soon the room was full of steam and the scent of lavender. Harry lighted some more scented candles that were around the bathroom. Just as he finished lighting the last one Louis entered the bathroom with a bottle of red wine and two glasses.

'Wow Haz,' he said when he saw the bathroom with all the candles flickering and the smell of lavender filling up the room.

'Close the door,' Harry instructed him and Louis did so. Louis placed the two glasses and bottle in the corner of their bathtub and moved closer to Harry. He reached up and pulled his hair free from the tie holding it back. He ran his fingers through Harry's hair loving the feel of the soft curls through his fingers.

'So beautiful,' he murmured. Harry had his hands on Louis' waist and he moved them up under his tee shirt to feel his skin, trailing his fingers gently up Louis' rib cage making him shiver. He could feel goosebumps breaking out on his skin. He wanted to feel him, feel every inch of him. Louis raised up his hands and allowed Harry to remove his tee shirt then he did the same to him.

'So beautiful,' Harry murmured back, using Louis own words that he had just used on him as his fingers tugged at the button of his jeans, popping it open and slowly he pulled down his zipper. Louis shuddered. He wanted, no needed Harry's hands on him. Harry pulled down his jeans leaving Louis only in his boxers the bulge in there straining against the thin material.

'Your turn,' Louis grinned at him and in less than two seconds flat, Harry's jeans were bunched up at his ankles. When they were both out of their clothing, Harry was the first to get into the tub, the hot water soothing against his skin. Louis got in on the opposite side of the tub and he sighed in relief as he felt his body relax in the steaming water. He placed his legs in Harry's lap and Harry took one of his feet and began massaging his foot and toes as Louis poured out two glasses of wine and handed one to Harry.

'God that feels amazing Haz. Your hands are magical.' Harry smiled as he took a sip of the cool wine.

'Just my hands?' he asked in a seductive tone, a smile playing on his lips and Louis felt himself harden even more than he already was at the thought of Harry's tongue working magical wonders on him.

'No not just your hands,' Louis admitted with a grin. Harry scooted closer to Louis, his hand under the water, searching until he found what he was looking for and his hand closed around Louis' hard dick. Louis jumped a little at the sudden contact and he moaned softly when Harry's long fingers closed around his hard shaft. Harry began to pump him slowly and Louis closed his eyes and rolled his head back, resting it against the tiles.

'God,' he groaned out.

'No its Harry actually,' Harry told him stifling a laugh.

'Twat,' Louis replied, his eyes still closed while enjoying Harry's hand going up and down on him, excruciatingly slow. Harry stopped suddenly and Louis brought his head up to frown at Harry. Harry grabbed his ankles and pulled him closer, resting Louis' thighs over his own. Immediately Louis locked his feet behind Harry's back, their hard dicks brushing against each other in the hot water.

'I love you,' Harry told him against his lips as with one hand he pushed Louis' fringe off his face. 'I love you so much.' Louis caressed his face gently as if Harry was made of delicate china and Louis was afraid that if he touched him roughly he would break.

'I love you,' Louis said against Harry's lips as he ran his tongue on Harry's bottom lip. Harry opened his mouth and Louis' tongue was inside Harry's hot mouth, moving in rhythm to his own tongue. The kiss was soft and languid and easy but soon it became more fervent and passionate. Harry moaned in Louis mouth and Louis grabbed a fistful of Harry's wet curls and pulled, making Harry moan louder. He pulled back from the kiss and he kissed Harry's jaw and down his neck, his fingers still tangled in his hair, pulling his head back to expose his throat. Louis sucked at the skin beneath Harry's ear and Harry's hips jerked up involuntarily splashing water over the side of the tub.

'Lou,' he moaned. 'Lou please.' Louis kept licking and biting and sucking at Harry's neck, one hand gripping and tugging at his hair and his other hand attacking Harry's nipple.

'Please what Haz? What do you want baby?' Louis asked him huskily.

'You,' Harry replied. 'I want you.'

'You want me to what sweetheart?' Louis teased pinching his nipple hard enough that Harry whined deep in his throat. He loved to hear Harry ask for what he wanted.

'I want you to...ugh I want you to make love to me. Please baby don't tease.' Louis let go of his hair but continued to roll his erect nipple between his thumb and forefinger making Harry roll his eyes and close them. Louis knew his nipples were very sensitive and he loved to entice him by assaulting them.

'Your wish is my command baby. Shall we take this to the bedroom then?' Louis suggested and Harry nodded lazily as he got up and pulled a towel from the rack and towel dried himself while Louis did the same. When they were done, Louis took Harry's hand in his and led him to the bedroom, with its dim lights and flickering candles.

'Someone's in a romantic mood,' Louis pointed out. He knew how Harry got sometimes. Harry lived on romance. He loved romantic movies and romantic novels and romantic music. He loved it and even though they had been together for over five years, he still did romantic things to Louis and Louis had to admit that he loved it. Louis also knew that when Harry was in a romantic mood, he got needy and very submissive. Harry smiled at him as he picked up his phone off the bedside table and pressed play on one of his Spotify playlists. Soon the romantic music of Boys To Men filled the room. Louis couldn't help the love he felt for his man as he watched Harry lay back on the bed, his wet hair spread out on the pillows. Louis climbed on top of him, resting between Harry's spread legs. He held his weight up on his arms.

'You're so beautiful,' Louis told him as he caressed his hair, twirling a lock around his finger. Harry looked into Louis' blue eyes and felt his heart soar.

'Please Louis,' he whispered. Louis smiled and kissed him on the forehead.

'Okay sweetheart,' he told him as he captured his lips in a sweet loving kiss, his free hand trailing down his neck, his chest, his thumb brushing his perky nipple and he felt Harry arch his back off the mattress into his touch and Louis pinched it gently. Harry gasped into his mouth letting out a filthy long drawn moan. Louis' hand trailed down further until he felt Harry's hard cock between them but his hand went lower still until his finger hovered over Harry's hole and ever so gently Louis pushed his middle finger in and again he felt Harry arch his back off the bed as he gripped Louis' biceps tightly a gasp leaving his mouth.

'Are you alright love?' Louis asked him, his lips against Harry's jaw and all Harry could do was whimper because Louis was moving his finger in and out of him at a slow gentle pace and Harry felt as if he was going to burst. He thrust down on Louis' finger wanting more but Louis was going to have none of it. He was going to love him right and proper because usually when Louis topped they had rough sex but tonight he just wanted to join with Harry and make love to him like Harry wanted him to just as Boys To Men were suggesting.

The music changed and 'End of The Road' also by Boys to Men starting playing and Louis smiled against Harry's neck because he realized that Harry must have made a new playlist for them but wasn't complaining. This music was relaxing and romantic. Louis gently added in a second finger and watched Harry's face scrunch up and his lips part as his breathing became erratic, his heart thumping fast against his own chest and he knew Harry needed more. His dick was hard and leaking on his stomach and his own wasn't any better either. He was so hard it was beginning to hurt. Louis pulled out his fingers and immediately Harry groaned.

'Louis please please,' he begged, his voice deep and raspy. Louis kissed him softly.

'I got you my love. Just getting the lube okay. I got you baby,' Louis reassured him as he reached over to the drawer and pulled out their bottle of lube. He poured some on his palm and coated himself. As Louis got himself ready, the music changed again and 'This I Promise You' by NSync filled the room. He remembered this. Back in the X Factor days Harry used to listen to it all the time and hum along to it. Louis lined himself up with Harry's entrance and slowly he pushed himself in careful not to hurt him. He watched Harry's face as he took him in and Louis thought that if angels truly existed, Harry was surely a fallen one who had fallen right out of Heaven just for him.

When he was fully inside Harry, Louis stilled. He wanted to feel him. He didn't want to rush and Louis wanted to give himself over fully to Harry. Harry locked eyes with Louis and all that Louis saw there was pure love and devotion and he hoped that the adoration he felt for Harry was being reflected in his own eyes back at him. He kissed him gently and he felt Harry's hips move down on him and Louis knew that it was his cue to move. He pulled out almost all the way and pushed back in and he was rewarded with the sweetest of moans falling from Harry's red parted lips. He picked up a rhythm, pulling out and sliding back in him and every time Harry made the sweetest sounds ever as he clenched hard around Louis and tightened his legs around his waist and dug his short finger nails in Louis' biceps.

'Damn I'm in love with you,' Louis whispered against Harry's parted lips and he watched as Harry couldn't even form the words to say them back but Louis saw it in his green glazed eyes. 'Nobody else comes close to you love,' Louis panted out. 'Nobody.' He knew how Harry loved to be talked to like this when he was in his romantic mood, sweet nothings whispered to him while being full of Louis. 'No one has ever made me feel this way baby and nobody ever will. I'm yours and you're mine,' Louis told him breathlessly. He could feel his orgasm building up and by the way Harry was clenching around him he knew he was close too. He reached in between their bodies and took hold of Harry's leaking cock and he began to move his hand to the rhythm of his thrusts.

'Oh God,' Harry groaned out, his voice deep. 'Oh God Lou...Louis I'm...oh I'm so ngh fuck I'm so close,' Harry panted, digging his heels into Louis' bum cheeks to take him in deeper inside of him.

'It's okay baby, let go. I got you. I got you sweetheart,' Louis coaxed him. Louis wrapped his arms around Harry cradling him against his chest tightly. He kissed his forehead as his hips continued to move in and out of Harry. 'Come for me my angel,' Louis whispered against Harry's ear and with those words Harry arched his back again and to the cry of Louis' name falling from his lips he came fast and hard. Louis held him tightly as his body convulsed and shook through his orgasm but Harry was clenching so hard and tightly around Louis that Louis spilled inside of him with a loud cry.

'Jesus fuck! Harry oh my God baby,' Louis groaned out as he continued to move inside Harry, spilling all that he had till the very last drop. Louis stopped moving but didn't pull out of Harry. He just stayed inside him, feeling his warmth. Harry buried his face in the crook of Louis' neck loving the weight of Louis on his body. Louis placed kitten kissed all over Harry's face while he waited till they both regained their breathing and came down from their high. Harry had his eyes closed and he looked lost. Sometimes Louis lost him after making love to him and it always made him smile. He pecked his lips gently.

'Are you alright sweetheart?' Louis asked him while he gently pulled out of Harry. He watched him wince a little as he fluttered his eyes open and focused on Louis. 'Hi,' Louis told him. Harry smiled lazily.

'Hey,' Harry croaked out. Louis kissed his cheeks, his nose, his forehead.

'I love you so much Harry. So so much,' Louis told him and Harry smiled contentedly. His tired legs slipped from around Louis' waist.

'I love you too,' he told him in a languid drawl. Louis chuckled.

'You're in subspace aren't you?' And Harry simply nodded as his heavy eyes closed. Louis got up off the bed and hurried to the bathroom and got a warm, wet flannel and wiped Harry down because he knew that Harry would not be getting out of that bed anytime soon. When he was done, he climbed back into bed and pulled Harry to him, his chest to his back because Harry was little spoon and Louis loved to cuddle him. Louis reached for the duvet and covered their naked bodies. He settled behind Harry, his knees tucked in the crook of Harry's knees, his arm wrapped securely around his waist and kissed the back of his neck.

'Good night my darling,' Louis whispered but all he got in return where Harry's soft and gentle snores.


	75. Chapter 75

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PREVIOUSLY ON OUTING LARRY : LOUIS AND HARRY CAME OUT AT SHEFFIELD ARENA.  
> Hello everyone. Let me begin by saying sorry for not updating for a while. At the moment I am going through a difficult stressful time which is taking up all my head space and I can't write. I've been high on anxiety due to a lot of pressure and stress. Hopefully this horrid time should come to an in two week's time so please be patient with me. I am trying my best. I cannot force myself to write when my head is elsewhere. However, today I had a bit of a break and a burst of inspiration so here I am with an update which I hope you like (and is not a total mess) On a positive side, while at work I have been scribbling the final chapter of Outing Larry on my notebook. Please forgive me for my lack of updates and writing but I need to take care of my mental health first. Enjoy this chapter and I would appreciate any feedback. Thank you. All the love, M

Louis groaned and he rolled over in bed, immediately reaching out with his hand feeling and searching the space beside him for Harry's warm body to cuddle up to but his searching hand only found a cold empty space and an empty pillow beside him. Louis blinked in the semi darkness of the quiet bedroom and tried to remember which hotel room in which city they were in but then it all came flooding back to him in a rush: he was back home in London with Harry, already on their break. Yesterday night had been their last concert in Sheffield and oh my God he and Harry had come out! He sat bolt upright in bed, his eyes wide as yesterday's events all came rushing back to him.They had hugged and kissed on stage! In front of everyone! The whole world had seen and witnessed their coming out. He felt a flutter in his stomach that made him feel queasy. He suddenly felt afraid and wary but he also knew that it was too late to harbor those feelings.They were out! They had busted their closet door wide open and came out to the world. Yesterday had been so wonderfully beautiful but now, without Harry beside him to reassure him that they had done the right thing, he felt afraid.

He swung his legs off the bed and down onto the thick soft carpet of their bedroom floor. He stood up, stretched and walked towards the dresser. He shivered and felt goosebumps break out all over his naked body. He made a mental note to ask Haz to turn the heating on. London was cold. He opened the top drawer and pulled out a pair of boxers then went into the closet (oh never again, he mentally told himself) and picked up a pair of sweatpants and Harry's Rolling Stones ripped tee shirt. It was a little too big on him but he loved wearing Harry's clothes and he loved the way Harry looked at him when he saw his clothes on him. He loved how Harry's smell seemed to attach itself to the fabric and no matter how many times it was washed, it still had "Harry's smell" to it. Also, Harry's clothes made him feel safe and protected.

He finally pulled on a pair of Harry's black fluffy socks and opened the door to their bedroom, wondering what time it was and where was Harry as he made his way downstairs. Weak light filtered in through the windows not helping Louis to discern what time of day it was. He reached the kitchen and saw Harry sitting at the table, a mug of tea in front of him, wearing a pair of grey sweatpants and his woolly lavender top, the sleeves rolled up over his wrists. Louis loved that top on Harry. He loved to cuddle up to him and let Harry wrap him up in his arms. He saw both their mobile phones face down on the table beside the closed laptop while Harry was reading his book, something about a way of the peaceful warrior and some life changing shit that Harry had picked up an interest in along side meditation. Louis watched him for a second, his hair pulled up in a bun, the frown between his drawn eyebrows deep, meaning he was concentrating while he pinched his bottom lip between his thumb and index finger. He looked innocent and angelic. Louis cleared his throat and immediately Harry's head snapped up and turned into Louis' direction, a dimpled smile on his face.

'Good morning,' he told Louis as Louis walked towards him, bent down and placed a small kiss on Harry's smiling lips. 'How did you sleep?' Harry asked him. Louis sat down on the chair opposite Harry.

'Like the dead,' he said smiling. 'How long have you been up?' Louis asked him as he looked at the clock on the kitchen wall which read 11:05 am. Was it really 11:05 am? It looked really dark in here for it to be 11:05 am but as Louis' eyes traveled to the window above the kitchen sink which overlooked their back garden, he saw that it was overcast outside and it was raining softly. Typical London weather!

'Since about quarter past eight,' Harry told him. Louis looked at him questioningly.

'But we went to sleep way past after 2 am H. You hardly got any sleep at all. Are you alright baby?' Louis asked him softly, his morning voice tinged with deep concern. Harry looked down at the book in his hands, closed it and placed it on the table.

'Its been a little over twelve hours that we came out,' he said quietly, more to himself than to Louis. Harry kept his eyes down. Louis shifted uncomfortably in his chair because he didn't know where Harry was going with this. He wasn't ready to deal with this just yet. Not when he hadn't even had a cuppa yet!

'Are you regretting it?' Louis asked him is a subdued tone. 'Because if you are, its a little too late for that now.' Harry's head snapped up and he locked eyes with Louis.

'What? Regretting it? No Lou I am not regretting it. I have waited and wanted this since the moment I first laid eyes on you. Its just we...we haven't been on social media for hours. Our phones have been turned off since we came out. I haven't even put the telly on because....' Harry let the rest of his words drift into nothing. Louis took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He knew where Harry was going with this. They had been cloistered in their home since last night and they had no idea as to how the world had taken their coming it. Understandable.

'Are you worried about what everyone might be saying about us?' Louis asked him patiently as he gave Harry the softest, most fondest look he could. He knew that Harry was worried and deep down he was too but they had taken this step, this leap of faith together.They had decided together and they had the supports of their friends, families and their Larries who, he was sure would stand by them through this.

'Yeah a bit,' Harry admitted. Louis could understand his fears and worries because he felt them too but he had refrained from mentioning them last night while on their flight back home because he didn't want to worry Harry but here it was, both of them scared and worried but they both knew they had to face the aftermath of their decision. They had to face the reality of it all now, of the choice they had made which hadn't been an easy one. It had felt so right yesterday during the concert when they were caught up in the moment, surrounded by their fans and family and friends but now, in the grey morning light filtering in through their kitchen window, as they sat there at their table, alone, just the two of them, it was scary to know that now the whole world knew about them. Their secret of five years was out. It was out there for all the world to see and scrutinize and judge. They had confirmed everyone's suspicions and they knew well enough that not everyone was happy about it. The secret they had kept hidden for all this time was now out there for everyone to sift through and Louis knew that they would be hounded. Louis knew that the media would eat them up alive and that the paps wouldn't leave them alone and suddenly he felt the urge to protect Harry from all of this, that he didn't want Harry exposed and torn to pieces by these sharks but he also knew that they couldn't hide in here forever.

'I am too,' he admitted quietly, too afraid to voice out his fears to Harry.

'You are?' Harry asked him and Louis couldn't help but notice the surprise and relief in Harry's voice. Louis reached over across the table for Harry's hand and he took his hand in both of his own.

'Yes Harry I am. Very much so but it will be fine. We can't take back what we did and we can't hide in here forever. We didn't come out to the world just to hide from it. Let me just have some tea then we will turn on our phones and your laptop and we see what they're saying about us yeah?' Harry nodded and gave him a small smile which didn't hide his anxiety. It killed Louis to see him anxious and worried but it was unavoidable. Harry got up.

'I'll make you breakfast. What would you like?' he asked Louis. Louis stretched out his legs and yawned. 

'Eggs on toast please love,' he said. Harry nodded and walked towards the stove to start fixing Louis' breakfast or more like it lunch since it was now close to 11:30 am. He put the kettle on and prepared two mugs. Louis reached over and picked up the book Harry was reading and looked at the title. 'The Way of The Peaceful Warrior' by Dan Millman. Louis turned the book around and read the back of it. The story was about a guys dissatisfaction with his own life even though he was a successful gymnast and how he met this old man at the gas station who he named Socrates and who taught him that he was trapped in the illusions of his own mind. Socrates teaches the guy how to become spiritual and free himself and re-arrange the way his mind thinks to become a peaceful warrior. Louis put the book down and looked at Harry's broad back while he busied himself preparing his breakfast and Louis wondered what Harry was trying to over come and what stage of enlightenment was he trying to achieve, what thoughts was he trying to re-arrange and what chains was he trying to free himself from. Louis felt as if there was a hidden part of Harry that he did not know, that Harry was keeping to himself while he tried to arrange himself. Not that he needed to. He was perfect just the way he was but Louis wondered what exactly Harry wanted to fix within him, what he perceived as being wrong within him that he couldn't even share with him.

'So what have you been doing since you hardly slept besides reading this weird shit of a book?' Louis asked him as he tossed the book back on the table, trying to lighten the mood. He knew Harry loved it when he teased him. Harry looked over at him over his shoulder as he cooked the eggs.

'That's a very good book actually. An eye opener and life altering,' Harry said with a smile on his lips and Louis wondered what could Harry possibly want to alter in his life and what was it exactly that he needed a book to open his eyes to. Still, he remained silent as he watched Harry cook. 'But besides reading, I emptied out our luggage and did two loads of laundry which are in the drier now and I took out the empty luggage to the garage for storage. And I had a walk out in the garden before it started to rain and I had to come back inside,' Harry told him as he placed four pieces of toast in the toaster. 'Speaking of which,' Harry continued not looking at Louis, 'this spring I want to plant roses in the garden.' Louis smiled to himself feeling so in love with domestic Harry. He loved how Harry could go from a worldwide celebrity to a domestic partner who did the laundry, cooked, cleaned and was thinking about planting roses. Louis wondered what their fans would think if he could take snapshots of this side of Harry and post them on his Instagram and Twitter. They would love him even more!

'Not near my goal posts!' Louis told him trying to sound firm and commanding but failing miserably. Harry smiled at him as he walked over to the table and placed a plate in front of Louis with cheesy toast and scrambled eggs. Louis inhaled the smell the food was giving off and he looked up at Harry with adoring eyes. 'I'm so in love with your cooking baby,' he told him almost reverently, earning a satisfied dimpled smile from Harry that made his heart soar. Harry kissed the top of his head as Louis dug into his food. Harry placed a mug of tea in front of Louis and one in front of him as he sat down and eyed his beautiful man as he hungrily devoured his food.

'Also,' Harry said, 'I want to have a small greenhouse just off the conservatory if that's okay with you,' Harry told him, taking a sip of his hot tea.

'A greenhouse?' Louis asked him, quirking an eyebrow at him. Harry nodded.

'Yeah like the tea house I have back in our L.A house but I also want to grow things and meditate. It's relaxing to me. Plus I would really like to grow our own veggies.' Louis couldn't help the fond smile that he gave his big baby. How could he ever deny him anything?

'Sure baby. Anything you want but we must do it after the New Year yeah when our schedule is finally clear. Then you can call in the constructors and have your little greenhouse and plant and meditate and grow our veggies to your heart's content. I just want you to be happy.' Harry smiled at him.

'Thank you Lou.'

'Anything for you my love. As long as you're happy that's all that matters to me.' Harry looked down at his mug then back up again at Louis.

'I'm happy Lou. You make me happy,' he said quietly. Louis smiled at him.

'You make me happy too Haz and I promise you, everything will be okay. I don't want you to worry you hear?' Harry nodded. Louis finished his breakfast and took his plate and their two mugs and placed them in the sink, mentally reminding himself to wash them later as it was only fair that since Harry had cooked that he did the dishes. But at the moment they had more important things to deal with. Louis stood with his back to the counter, looking at Harry who seemed lost in his thoughts and so far away. It irritated Louis to think that Harry was worried or scared, heck he was too but he wanted Harry to be worried and scared with him right here not close up in his own thoughts and keep him out, leaving him here to wonder and be scared and worried all by himself.

Louis walked over to him and stood behind Harry's chair, his small hands finding their way to Harry's broad shoulders and he massaged them gently, his thumbs digging into Harry's tense muscles. Harry sighed and closed his eyes loving the feel of Louis' hands on him. They felt reassuring. And relaxing. Louis bent over slightly and placed a kiss behind Harry's ear.

'Shall we get this done then? We can't avoid it forever and as much as I'd like to stay away from the world and just be alone with you, we have to face what's going on out there.' Harry nodded and placed a hand over Louis'.

'Yeah okay,' he simply said though he sounded a little unconvinced.

'Good. Now grab our phones and laptop and let's go in the living room. It's cold today. You think we can put the fireplace on H?' Louis asked him as he rubbed his hands together and wondered if he should go get one of Harry's sweaters. Harry smiled at him as he got up and picked up the phones and laptop off the table.

'Of course love. I will go and put it on,' he told him as he walked into the living room, Louis following behind. Harry went to the fireplace and removed the grate to allow him access to light it up. He loved the smell of wood burning. When they had decided on having a fireplace he had insisted on an old fashioned real fireplace that burned real wood instead of one of those electrical ones with artificial logs that pretended to burn.

When the fire started burning and the room was beginning to warm up, he sat next to Louis on their couch and they both looked at their silent phones and laptop on the coffee table. They looked at each other.

'Ready?' Louis asked him.

'Ready,' Harry replied. Louis turned on both their phones while Harry booted up the laptop and they waited in silence, looking at their devices as if they would explode at any given moment. They held hands and their breaths as a few minutes later their phones went crazy beeping with messages, missed calls, voice mails and various notifications. They looked at each other and Louis squeezed Harry's hand and tried to give him a reassuring smile only to be met with Harry's wide worried eyes.

'Here we go baby,' Louis told him, giving his hand another squeeze for good measure, this time trying more to reassure himself than Harry. He was trying to be strong and brave for Harry but he was genuinely worried and scared because as yet they had no idea of the world's reaction to their coming out. Or Simon's. Or Modest's. They picked up their phones and looked at the amount of missed called, voice messages and text messages.

'Okay,' Louis told him, taking in a deep breath, 'let's start off by listening to the important voice messages and we'll reply to calls later yeah. We'll delete all the crap ones or people we don't particularly want to hear from okay.' Harry nodded and they began scrolling through their missed calls and text messages and voice mails.

'Holy fuck there's a lot!' Louis exclaimed as he scrolled through his phone. 'Okay I will call my mum soon since she like called half a dozen times. Bet she's excited. She always dreamed of this day. What about yours?' Louis asked Harry, trying to lighten up the mood because Harry looked tense.

'Four times. Maybe I should just call her first. She might be worried,' he said in a low voice. Louis knew well enough that Harry wouldn't put off calling his mum so he smiled at him and patted his knee.

'Sure love just call her and let her know we are okay.' He watched as Harry hit redial and called his mum. He continued to scroll and was amazed to find missed calls from certain magazines and newspapers asking for exclusives when they had never even bothered with them before and he was disgusted to find a missed call from Dan Wootan which he didn't even bother to listen to but just deleted right away. The prick can go fuck himself. He always dissed Larry and was Simon's lap dog so he really had no right to ask them for an exclusive. He listened to a voice mail left by Val asking them if they were okay and that if they needed her she was already back home so she was just a few doors down and Louis found comfort in that knowing she was nearby. When Harry hung up, he looked at Louis.

'How's it going?' he asked him. Louis shrugged.

'Just calls from magazines and newspapers asking for interviews and that dick head Dan from The Sun wants an exclusive. As if we'd give that fucker anything. Oh and a call from Val saying she's just down the road if we need her. How's your mum?' Harry sighed.

'She's okay. She's just worried for us until all this blows over but she's happy that we have finally done this.' Harry stopped and paused. 'Any calls from them?' Louis gave him a sad look.

'Yeah I have a few but I'm not listening to any unless advised otherwise by Parisha. By the way did she call you?' Harry scrolled through his phone not wanting to look at the missed calls from Drew, Stuart, Simon and the Modest offices and nodded at Louis.

'Yeah I have a missed call from her,' he told him as he played the call. They listened to Parisha's voice through the phone.

'Hey guys I know you probably want some time away from the spot light and all that but I'm afraid we have matters to attend to. I was contacted by the powers that be and I don't mean to rain down on your happy pride parade but they are beyond pissed. They are threatening lawsuits left right and center. Lots of threats too but quite empty ones if I'm to be honest. So when you're done with time out, please give me a call so we can set up a meeting and guys, don't worry. We got this.' The call ended and the room went silent. Louis and Harry looked at each other and Louis could see the worry on Harry's face. He turned in his seat to face him and cupped his cheek.

'Hey, we knew this would happen okay and we are going to get through it one way or the other. There is only two ways that this can go. Either we get sued and we go back to being poor so you might want to give Barbara a forwarding call and beg your old job back just in case or we come out of this intact and shut them down. Either way Haz, we have each other. Yeah I will miss One Direction but we knew that at one point One Direction had to end. Maybe not so soon but eventually it would've but you and I, well rich, poor, famous or nobodies, we have each other and our love. We can look forward to that yeah. We can work normal jobs and have a family. As long as we love each other we can do this. Remember, One Direction only happened by chance because we actually auditioned as solo artists but they decided to put us in a band and One Direction was born and I will forever be thankful because it led me to you. Fame and wealth would be nothing without you baby. You are my greatest achievement Haz and either way, as long as I have you beside me, life can throw anything at me. I love you so much baby always remember that no matter what.' Harry blinked rapidly because Louis' words moved him and he needed to hear those reassuring words. He leaned forward and kissed him softly.

'I love you,' he whispered against his lips. 'As long as you love me, I have the world at my fingertips. They might break One Direction and we might end up with nothing after they are through with us but we will always have each other. Do you want me to call Barbara now to beg my job back or?' Harry smiled against his lips and Louis returned the smile.

'Twat! How about we call Parisha first before you go crawling back to become Mr. I-Used-To-Be-A-Baker once again huh.' They both burst out laughing and Louis inwardly sighed with relief. Harry dialed Parisha and she picked up after the second ring. Harry hardly said anything but he just listened to her talking, occasionally nodding and adding a yeah or an aha here and there. When he hung up, Louis asked him:

'Well?'

'Tomorrow. Eight in the morning at their offices.'

'How did Parisha sound? What did she say? What are our chances?' Louis asked him excitedly. Harry ran a hand through his hair.

'She sounds hopeful. She actually told me that we have a good chance at coming out on top with the evidence she has.' Louis smiled broadly.

'Well that's good innit?' Harry held Louis' gaze.

'I hope so but let's not get our hopes high yet. I might sound selfish but I'm not ready to let One Direction go just yet but I'm glad we did this Lou. I'm glad we're out now.' Louis stroked Harry's face with the back of his hand loving the warmth of his red cheeks.

'As am I love. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Shall we call Corden and tell him we are giving him the exclusive then?' Harry smiled broadly at him.

'Yes lets.' Louis quickly dialed Corden's number and put the phone on speaker. After a few rings James picked up.

'Cordo!!!' Louis yelled.

'Oh my God Louis,' James said sounding happy. 'I have left you and Harry a few calls. I was so surprised and oh my God I was shocked. I mean not shocked as in you two being together but at you coming out like that. You guys gave no hint no nothing.'

'That's why its called a surprise,' Louis laughed.

'And such a surprise it was. I was in tears of happiness for the two of you. Where is Harry?'

'He's here,' Louis said. 'You're on speaker phone.'

'Harry,' James breathed, 'how are you? I am so happy for the both of you and so proud of you.' Harry smiled and cuddled into Louis.

'Thank you James,' Harry said.

'So James,' Louis said, 'we uhm called to ask you something.'

'Yeah sure of course you know you can ask me anything. If its to be your best man then my answer is yes without a doubt.' Both Harry and Louis burst out laughing.

'We're not getting married you twat,' Louis told him still laughing. 'But I will keep you in mind should we you know ever decide to tie the knot.' Louis looked at Harry and winked at him and Harry felt his cheeks turn warmer and felt butterflies erupt in his stomach at the thought of marrying Louis. 'What we wanted to ask you well, we have been getting countless offers for exclusives, you know the first interview with us as a newly outed couple and we kinda hoped you would want to do that. I mean when we have the London session with you?' There was silence on the other end of the line.

'James?' Harry asked.

'Are you serious?' James finally said. 'You want me to host your very first interview after coming out as a couple?'

'Yeah that's what we're asking,' Louis told him. 'We couldn't think of anyone better. We feel like you're family so yeah. What do you say?'

'Oh my God yes I'm speechless. Thank you lads, really. I would be honored. Email me what questions to ask and not to ask, you know I don't want to step on any toes.' Harry and Louis chuckled.

'Well,' Harry said, 'just avoid asking us things about them. We can't really speak about them and all that happened during the past five years publicly especially since we don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. It's all going to be legal action on their behalf.'

'That bad huh?' James asked them. Louis sighed.

'We knew there were risks coming out but things were getting worse than bad that's why Harry and I along with Niall and Liam decided to come out now. We're going on break and we only have a few more promo appearances to do with them. We'll see how the fandom reacts to this, to us coming out then we'll go from there unless we're too poor to do anything after they are done with us.'

'Oh,' James said sympathetically, 'I really hope it won't come to that but you know you can both count on me if you need anything.'

'Thank you James,' Harry said, 'we will email you with details.' After they hung up with James they looked at each other.

'So far so good,' Louis told him, smiling at him. He was glad to see that Harry was a little more at ease and relaxed. 'Now shall we check what the girls are up to? How our fans are taking this?' Harry nodded and reached for his laptop off the coffee table. Harry logged into his Twitter account and immediately it was all blown up with messages. The first thing they noticed where the hash tags trending :#LarryIsReal #LarryCameOut #LarryIsTrueLove #LarryPrideParty#LouisAndHarry #LarriesWinAtLife. They chose to ignore reports from magazines and newspapers. They were all speculating about their coming out, some even pretending it was a shock and some even saying that they had been waiting for this bomb to drop for ages.

'Oh my God,' Harry whispered as he saw all the tweets and pictures of him and Louis, pictures of them hugging and kissing on stage along with videos of them coming out at Sheffield.

'Fucking hell,' Louis exclaimed, 'this is awesome. I mean they have recorded our coming out moment Haz. We have pictures and videos of our coming out. This is beautiful.' Harry looked up from his laptop to find Louis' eyes on him, soft and tender. He couldn't help the excitement he felt.

'Yes it is,' he said softly, his voice full of emotions as he watched another video of them hugging and then kissing. He got to see the whole arena chanting 'Larry Larry Larry' and lots of pride flags and colorful balloons and flowers in the arena and Harry couldn't be more pleased and happy with this reaction.

'We should tweet them something,' Louis suggested. 'And none of your cryptic shit alright. Don't tweet them something that they have to work their brains overtime to understand what the fuck you're telling them,' Louis told him playfully. Harry chuckled.

'Okay,' he said as he began composing a new tweet. He spoke as he typed. 'You were right all along. Thank you for your undying support. All the love H. Is that good?' he asked Louis and Louis couldn't help but lean over and place a kiss on his temple.

'Very normal baby. Tweet it and watch them go crazy.' Harry smiled at Louis and hit tweet. It took just seconds and his tweet began getting hearts and retweets by the hundreds. Harry's face broke out into a dimpled smile and Louis felt his heart soar for him. Harry looked at Louis.

'I think they are okay with us coming out Lou,' he said softly and Louis couldn't help but feel so much love for his man, his innocence and simplicity was astounding and Louis couldn't help but hug him.

'You think you big goof? I think we just made them all very happy and secretly they must be so fucking chuffed that they got to prove all the antis wrong.'

'You should tweet them something too Lou,' Harry suggested and Louis smirked at him, a gleam in his eyes.

'I'm gonna do more than tweet them something. Let's give them something they have been wanting and asking for for like ever and which they have manipulated many times. What have they said that if we post a selfie the internet would break? Let's break it then.' Harry looked at him with wide eyes.

'You want to post a selfie of us?'

'Yep,'Louis nodded, 'we owe it to them H. Let's give them a real one. I bet they're tired of fucking manips. And we need a commemorative selfie of when we came out.' Harry pouted.

'I don't like selfies.' Louis ruffled his hair playfully.

'Well you're gonna suck it up and take one for team Larry because I am going to post a selfie on IG and Twitter.' Harry stuck out his tongue at Louis as he fixed his hair and moved closer to Louis. Louis positioned his phone in front of them, making sure they were both in the frame.

'Smile baby,' Louis told him as he pulled his funny face and Harry smiled putting up his two fingers in his customary peace sign. Louis snapped the picture then looked at it and it was perfect. 'Our first real selfie. No more looking at manips and edits while we silently wished they were real. This is the real thing Haz.' Harry smiled at him as he watched Louis post their very first public selfie on his Instagram and twitter along with the caption "Larry has always been real. Thank you for believing and supporting us through thick and thin." They sat back and watched the fans' reactions. Immediately they were hit with hundreds of likes and Twitter was full with their selfie being retweeted and fans immediately hash tagged it #FirstRealLarrySelfie. They browsed through the hash tags trending and were surprised to find that fans in various countries were setting up Larry Pride Parades in their honor. The fans were calling it the "Larry Coming Out World Wide Pride Party." Louis hugged Harry to him and Harry cuddled into his side as they continued to scroll through twitter.

'Look at that,' Louis breathed proudly. 'Who would've known all this would happen? All this love and acceptance and support? We are so lucky to have these fans H. We haven't lost our fans.' Harry smiled at the laptop screen.

'No we haven't and that's what's important. Whatever happens with Simon and Modest tomorrow, as long as we have them on our side supporting us, we can make it. Even if we are bankrupt after the law suits, we can start over with new management. Start from scratch again and we will do it because they have our backs.'

'Yeah we surely will,' Louis said sounding happy. 'Look,' he pointed to the screen, 'look at all the tweets. This one is from @jacintagaudett1 and she says Harry is so beautiful and Louis is what he has been waiting for all his life.' Harry chuckled.

'So true and I get to have you for the rest of my life,' he agreed as he leaned over and placed a kiss on Louis' cheek. Louis grinned at him cheekily.

'Look at this one. Its from @Larrie4Lyfe and she asks who tops I kinda have a bet pool on Louis.' They both burst out laughing. Harry nudged him in the ribs.

'Its not fair that they all think you top. Am I not manly enough in their eyes to top?' he said pretending to pout. Louis grabbed his cheeks between his fingers.

'If they only knew Hazza how wild you are in the bedroom, if they only knew. You are manly enough for me babe.' Harry squinted at the screen.

'This one @thetrinaleexx says the moment when you realize Larry is relationship goals. That's just lovely. I'm glad we inspire people and I wish them all what we have even with our downs. I really do because its worth it to be with the one you love.'

'Aww babe it really is. Check out this one from @krussell5794 forget Romeo and Juliet. I want a love like Larry. But that's just beautiful innit?' Harry nodded and looked at another tweet.

'This one @The_D1rector says if Larry isn't true love. Really I don't know how we can ever thank our fans enough. I mean I'm ready to face tomorrow and the outcomes. I must admit I was worried but I'm so secure now and positive that even if it goes bad it will go good for us.' Louis smiled down at the love of his life as he took the laptop off Harry and placed it on the coffee table. He spread his arms for Harry and Harry immediately cuddled into Louis' chest as Louis wrapped his arms around him and held him close.

'It will all work out Haz. We didn't come all this way for nothing. We are meant to be together baby and we will be.' Louis kissed the top of Harry's head, loving the feel of Harry's body against his own. They were at peace knowing that whatever the outcome tomorrow will bring, they had won at life and they had won big.

 

TO BE CONTINUED................................


	76. Chapter 76

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning. Happy Saturday. I'm back with another chapter. I hope you are all still with me as I didn't hear from you at all last chapter. Hopefully I can continue updating frequently. I'm writing the final chapter to this fic and also started writing Outing Larry 2 which will be called "Falling". What do you think of Louis' album? I love it. It's amazing and brilliant and it was well worth the wait. I'll leave you to read the next chapter which I hope you will like. All the love, M.

Louis sat in the passenger seat as Harry maneuvered the car diligently and with patience through London's mid- morning rush hour traffic. He sat and looked out the window at the passing cars, taxis, London buses all dashing past as soon as the light went from red to green. Louis hated driving in London and he was grateful that Harry was a patient person and could drive in this crazy traffic. He had suggested to Harry that same morning that they should call Preston and have him drive them over to Modest! offices but Harry had reminded him that they were now on break and so were their security and besides, he wanted them to be a normal couple now so he was going to drive them down to central London for the meeting.

Louis took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Harry stopped at another red light and chanced a look at Louis. He looked worried and scared and Harry could feel his stress radiating off of him in waves. Harry sighed. Louis had hardly slept a wink last night. He kept tossing and turning and Harry had held him until in the early morning light just as dawn was breaking Louis had fallen asleep. He had lain exhausted in Harry's arms and slept even if it was for just two hours but for those two hours, Harry had held him tight and let him sleep. Now he watched him, fidgeting and biting his nails and Harry hated it. He hated that Louis was a mess because of them. Harry reached over the console between the two seats and took Louis' hand in his. It was cold and clammy.

'Hey baby are you alright?' Harry asked him in a soothing voice. Louis looked at him, his blue eyes shining and gave him a weak smile.

'Yeah I'm good,' he told him quietly and Harry knew he was lying but didn't call him out on it, not wanting to put more pressure on him. He hadn't even wanted breakfast this morning and that was saying something for Louis to miss breakfast. Instead, he lifted Louis' palm to his lips and placed a kiss inside his palm and Louis closed his eyes when he felt Harry's warm lips against his skin and the love that flowed from it straight into him. He instantly felt calmer and opened his eyes.

'It will be okay,' Harry reassured him. 'Whatever the outcome will be today, we will be okay. We've discussed all options and whatever happens we will be okay Lou. Trust that please,' he told him just as the light turned green and Harry put the car in motion. He hated that Louis still suffered from the trauma and abuse they had made him endure. He took a left off Trafalgar Square heading towards Modest HQ. In less than two minutes, Harry had parked in the underground garage and killed the engine. None of them made a move to get out. They sat for a few minutes in silence then Harry turned in his seat to face Louis.

'Ready to go?' he asked him softly. Louis looked at him and nodded.

'As ready as I'll ever be,' he told him and Harry had to smile because Louis was brave and even though he was afraid of what they were about to face, he wasn't going to back out. He always fought them and most of the time he had lost. They pushed him and bullied him and those scars on him remained but Harry knew that Louis had fought them and went against them all for their love and this was the final battle and even if he was terrified, he was going to fight them. Either they came out winners or beaten. But never losers.

Harry got out of the car and went to the passenger's side, opening the door for Louis. Louis stepped out and looked up into Harry's face. That beautiful face that got him through every trial and turmoil. The only person that he could rely on to get him through difficult and hard times because Harry faced the same hard times as he did and Harry understood better than anyone else what it was like to fight for their right to love and be together. Harry leaned down and kissed him softly, just a loving peck on his lips, then intertwined his long fingers through Louis' and they walked to the elevator. They got in and Harry pressed the button for the seventh floor and they rode up in silence, both of them looking ahead, their fingers tightly locked together. When the bell dinged and the elevator opened on to their floor, they walked out still holding hands. This was their first public appearance as a couple and they knew that they were getting stares and looks from the Modest employees but they were past caring now. They had come out and they were not going to hide. Let them stared. Let them talk. They were going to fight for their right to be free.

They walked down the corridor and found Parisha in the waiting room with Liam, Zayn and Niall, her Louis Vuitton briefcase on the vacant chair next to her. When they walked in, they stood up and walked towards them.

'There you are,' she told them with a sigh of relief as she looked at her Marc Jacobs watch checking the time to emphasize their tardiness. 'For a minute I thought you were gonna bail on me.' Harry smiled at her.

'Never. Traffic is a bitch at this hour,' he told her and squeezed Louis' hand. Parisha looked from one to the other.

'How are you both holding up?'

'We're good,' Louis told her as he gave her a small smile. 'We are ready for anything.' Parisha grinned at him and looked at the five expectant faces before her.

'Well I have been working on your case for a while now, ever since you told me your idea about coming out and if it all goes well I think we might nail these bastards. But don't get your hopes up high just yet. I don't know what bullshit they have up their sleeves.'

'They might have a lot,' Niall pointed out. 'God knows what their lawyers are going to bring up.' Parisha nodded at him.

'Yeah that's why we have to be prepared for anything. Be prepared for lawsuits and court. Be prepared for a battle but we are not going in there unarmed. Trust me.'

'We do,' Liam told her. 'We just want this over and done with.' The other four nodded in agreement. Just then Val entered the waiting room.

'Val!' Louis and Harry exclaimed together. They weren't expecting her to be here. Val rushed to them and hugged them both tightly.

'How are you guys?' she asked them. They looked down at her and Harry smiled brightly at her.

'We are okay. What are you doing here?' he asked her. Val stepped back a pace and looked down at their intertwined hands, then back up at them, her face sad.

'I'm here for Abel. If these bastards hadn't fucked with him the way they did, he would still be alive today and probably here with his boyfriend. I owe it to him to see justice done and I owe it to you both to see that you win this. For the five of you to get the justice you deserve for five years at these hands of these assholes. I want to see these fuckers go down. Like really go down. Hard. Especially Simon. He's the root of all evil.' Louis and Harry looked at each other then hugged her again tightly.

'We'll do this for Abel too,' Harry whispered in her hair and Val felt a lump in her throat choke her. Someone cleared their throat and they pulled apart to see a young man standing in the room, wearing a black tailored suit over a crisp white shirt. His short hair was perfectly gelled and his eyes were fixed on Val. Val's hand shot to her mouth in shocked horror as a sob escaped her mouth. Harry and Louis looked at each other then at Val then back at the young man standing by the door.

'Hi Val,' the man whispered in a soft voice. Val's tears rolled down her cheeks as she stepped away from Harry and Louis and flung her arms around the young man's neck and hugged him tightly. He hugged her back equally tight, burying his face in her neck.

'Ryan,' she whispered in between sobs, hugging him tighter. 'Oh my God Ryan I never thought...I never thought I would see you again. Oh my God,' Val sobbed still hugging the life out of him. After a few seconds they pulled apart and looked at each other both with teary eyes then Val remembered Harry, Louis and the others were in the room and turned to them, with red watery eyes while holding the man's hand.

'This is Ryan,' she told them softly as if they were meant to know who he was and the confused look on their faces prompted Val to continue. 'Abel's Ryan.' Recognition then passed over both Louis' and Harry's faces and as if by instinct the both of them moved simultaneously towards them. Harry outstretched his hand which Ryan took.

'I am so glad to finally meet you. Val, she told us what happened. I am so sorry for your loss,' Harry told him, his voice full of sympathy. Ryan nodded then took Harry's outstretched hand and shook. Louis held out his hand to Ryan and he shook it too but Louis said nothing because Harry had said the words for both of them. Ryan looked from one to the other.

'Thank you for standing up to them. Thank you for defying them and coming out. In all probability it might end up badly for you career wise and I am sorry for that but what you have personally is worth more than your career. I wish you the best of luck in your personal lives and just fight together for your love. They need to stop destroying people.' His voice was thick with emotion and his eyes were glassy. Louis looked at Harry than back at Ryan and he couldn't even being to understand or imagine the immense loss this man was feeling. This man had lost the love of his life and Louis couldn't imagine the kind of pain that was to lose the one that made your life worth it, the one that completed you and made you whole. He slowly slipped his hand into Harry's, wanting to feel him and glad to have him standing next to him, alive, warm, breathing because looking at Ryan and the grieved look on his face, made him want to feel Harry's warmth, made him glad that the love of his life was here beside him, alive and well. And he was glad that he hadn't succeeded to kill himself that awful night, because if he had, Harry would be in Ryan's shoes. He would be bereft and grieving his loss. Louis shuddered at the thought of the pain and misery he would've inflicted on Harry had he succeeded. He hated those bastards now more than ever. Harry looked down at him and gave him a small smile as he squeezed his hand gently. Louis was so grateful and thankful for Harry. His rock. His constant. His love. His life.

As Parisha approached them, the door opened again and another man in a suit walked in. He was a little bit older but had a youngish looking face. Parisha smiled and him and moved to greet him.

'Mark,' she told him extending her hand out to him which he took and shook gently. 'I am so glad you could make it.' Mark smiled at her.

'I wouldn't have missed being here for the world. When you called me I couldn't believe it was actually happening.' Parisha smiled at him.

'Believe that it is and its thanks to these two here,' she told him as she extended her hand towards Louis and Harry. 'Louis, Harry this is Mark Feehily former member of the band Westlife who were managed by Modest.' A flicker of recognition passed over Harry and Louis' faces as they shook hands with the man. Mark smiled at them as he greeted Liam, Zayn and Niall also. His eyes moved back to Louis and Harry.

'What you are doing is outstanding. Finally someone is standing up to them. I saw the news of your coming out. It was beautiful but I can't say it was a surprise though,' he told them with a smile and Louis and Harry looked at each other wondering how obvious they had been.

'We were that obvious huh?' Louis asked him a grin on his face amidst comments from his band mates about how they had told them a million times that they were very obvious and not really hiding anything.

'Well to a person who has been where you are it is quite obvious. I followed you quite a bit and I was so familiar with the stolen looks and subtle gestures. Other people might miss it or not make too much of it but when you've been there, you pick up the signs.' He paused and looked from one to the other. 'It took a lot of strength and courage to do what you did, coming out the way you did. Nobody has ever stood up to them like you both are doing and that is something. For us who have suffered in silence at their hands this is a great day. They need to be taken down.' Harry gave Mark a sympathetic look.

'What was it like?' Harry asked him, wanting to know what this man had been through at the hands of Modest, wanting to know if they has shared the same sufferings. Mark sighed deeply and a sad look crossed his face.

'Before we signed the contracts, I told them straight away that I was gay and they immediately told me that it was going to be a problem, that I couldn't be gay. However, at the time, being so young and naive and what with they were offering us, world stardom and fame, money, the severity of my being gay didn't seem like such a problem. I mean after all they really couldn't keep me from my sexuality or make me not be gay. They just couldn't force me to be straight.' He paused and gave a low chuckle. 'I was so wrong. After I signed the contract and Westlife took off, it all started. I was the one they made into a womanizer, the one who they made to look like he slept around and used women. I was the one who was always given girlfriends to be seen with. I was made into a man whore. Then it began taking its toll on me because I wasn't the person they were making me out to be. I didn't want to be that person. When I confronted them they told me that I had signed a contract, meaning my life was now theirs to run how they saw fit for the good of the band and the investors and they could portray me how they wanted and have the media print what they deemed necessary for the image of the band. They said I had to be a good boy and do as they said or their would be repercussions. My band mates where very understanding but they didn't know what it was like to be closeted, to be made into something you were not. I wanted love and desired a partner but that was impossible. I became very depressed and I had very low moments in my life. I wouldn't even leave my hotel room for days because I thought what is the point if I can't be myself? I was never going to be able to come out as long as I was in Westlife and I had a contract that bound me for five years to them. I gave up my freedom for fame and fortune.' He paused again, seeming to be lost in the past, in memories that still tormented him. He looked from Louis to Harry and continued:

'It was the fakest time of my life. Fake smiles had become so natural to me. I mean the people who saw me would think I'm living this impressive life being in a massive band, having fame and riches, all the women, lavish parties, awards, private planes and luxurious hotel rooms, dashing from country to country, loved and adored by millions. But they didn't know anything at all. Behind the scenes it was a completely different story. All I craved was love and companionship and had I found it, I wouldn't have thought twice about giving up the fabulous life I had for a simple life with the one I loved. Instead, all I had was this sense that I would never be truly happy, a kind of dead-end feeling. And if I'm to be honest with you, my mind went to a very dark place. And they knew it. They saw it but did nothing. All they did was get me a therapist. Val,' he said looking at Val with immense fond and adoration. 'She was my turning point. Helped me to deal with my suicidal thoughts. Helped me deal and adapt. She told me about Abel.' Mark stopped and turned to Ryan who was standing quietly beside Val.

'I am truly sorry for your loss. It shouldn't have happened to him.' He reached out and took Ryan's hand and squeezed it gently, Ryan only nodding at him. Mark looked back at Louis and Harry. 'Then my life turned around when I met David. He was Westlife's official photographer and we hit it off right away. We fell in love. At first we managed to keep it a secret though I really wanted to tell the whole world about him but that was unthinkable. Val helped me to deal with keeping it a secret until they found out and made my life a living hell. They fired David of course and I don't know where I would be today if it wasn't for Val. She was so terrified I would kill myself. She was my human suicide watch.' Mark chuckled at the memory and Val smiled too. 'There were days she would even sleep in my room on the floor at the foot of my bed because she feared for my life,' he continued. 'I appreciated that so much. Obviously I kept seeing David low key and we stayed together through it all. When Westlife broke up, coming out was the first thing I did. It felt so free and I was so happy to show David to the world. He was my first love and we stayed together for seven long beautiful years. Unfortunately we broke up four years ago and I still miss him terribly. Your first love is very hard to forget.' He stopped and gave them all a small smile.

'So,' he continued, his smile brightening up, 'what you are doing is in a way helping us all that suffered at their hands. You two are the break through for future people to not go through what we have been through. I am pretty sure they made your lives a living hell and the fact that Val here is, well things must have gotten pretty bad. No offense Val,' he told her smiling at her fondly. He directed his gaze back at Louis and Harry. 'Now you are at the point of leaving them and took a stand. We are all here backing you up and lending a helping hand if its needed. I am pretty sure they will not break your careers. They may sue you dry but you still have your fans and from what I've seen of them, they will give you back what Modest will take from you so I am pretty sure you will come out of this as winners and I deeply thank you for standing up and putting a stop to this harassment because no one should really go through what we all have been through and others that are afraid to come forward.' Harry couldn't help himself. He let go of Louis' hand and just hugged the man. He gave him one of his famous Harry hugs. He took Mark by surprise but he hugged Harry back. Harry pulled back and felt a sense of pride and love in his heart as he moved back to stand by Louis' side and took his hand into his. Louis immediately leaned into him cherishing the fact that he had Harry and that they were doing this and so many people supported them. Suddenly he felt that even if it all went wrong, they would come out as winners.

The door to the waiting room opened and Eleanor peeked her head inside looking at the people gathered in the room.

'Eleanor?' Louis said surprised at seeing her. She came inside and went straight to him, throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him close.

'Louis I'm so happy for you. When I saw it on Twitter, how you and Harry came out I was so happy oh my God I cried. I kept telling Max they did it. They finally did it. I am so proud of you.' She pulled back and looked into his face, her eyes teary. Louis smiled at her. 'I had to come here today to offer my help. Parisha called me and I came right away.' Louis looked at her somewhat confused at what kind of help Eleanor could offer to their case but before he could ask, she turned to Harry.

'Harry,' she said, her voice low, 'I am so so sorry for all that I said to you when you and Louis were not together. I didn't mean to hurt you with my words. Its just that they told me....' she paused and looked at Harry, her big brown eyes tearing up again. 'I feel really awful for all that I said. And when Louis tried to....' she paused again as tears rolled down her cheeks.

'Its okay El,' Harry told her kindly. 'Its all in the past now. I know what they are capable of.' Eleanor looked up at him through her tears.

'So you forgive me?' she asked him. Harry pulled her into a hug.

'I do yes,' he whispered in her hair. Louis stood beside Harry feeling so proud of his man at his ability to forgive and move on. He relished in the feeling of how everything was just feeling right and falling into place, at how much love there was in this small waiting room. Just then, the secretary entered the room.

'They are waiting for you in the board room. If you could come this way please,' she informed them.

'Show time,' Parisha said, giving Louis and Harry a wink as she picked up her brief case. Louis swallowed hard but he was ready for this. Parisha looked at the people in the room. 'You all just wait here okay in case I need you in there. Thank you for taking the time to come here. Harry, Louis lets get this show on the road.' Louis and Harry followed Parisha out the room as Mark, Ryan, Val, Liam, Zayn, Niall and Eleanor wished them good luck.

Harry's heart was beating fast in his chest and he couldn't deny that he was scared. But he knew he had to be strong for Louis. He was holding his hand tightly and he could feel him trembling, the kind of trembling that started on your inside and gradually worked itself to the surface. He looked at Louis and squeezed his hand.

'Relax,' he whispered to him. 'We're going in this together and coming out of it together come what may. I love you.' Louis smiled at him.

'I love you,' he whispered back. Parisha stopped in front of the board room door and looked from one to the other.

'Remember what I advised you. Let me do the talking. Do not offer any information voluntarily unless I ask you questions and if their lawyers ask you anything that I feel you should not answer, then just don't. Leave the talking to me unless needed otherwise. Okay?' Harry and Louis both nodded at her.

Parisha pushed open the double glass doors to the boardroom and walked confidently inside, her Louboutin's clicking on the marble tiles beneath her five inch heels. Sitting at the table where Simon, Stuart, Drew and a few other suited men who were nothing but lawyers for Modest and Syco. Parisha also noticed that with them sitting next to Simon was a member from the Sony company. So things where a little more serious than she had anticipated but she was fairly certain she could do this. She had to! With all the evidence she had she knew, or at least hoped to get Louis and Harry out of this intact, career and financially wise.

Parisha, Louis and Harry took a seat opposite them and couldn't help but notice the grim looks on their faces. Harry never let go of Louis' hand, holding it tight to let him know he was there for him and also as a comfort to him. Parisha opened her briefcase and pulled out a thick file, placing it on the table in front of her.

'Gentlemen,' she began with a smile. 'Shall we get down to business?' Simon scowled at her.

'The only business that will be done here is a lawsuit,' he snapped at her. Parisha had been waiting for that word. She knew it would've been the word most used and thrown around in this meeting.

'I don't think a lawsuit is in order here Mr. Cowell,' she told him calmly. Simon glared daggers at her.

'We are within our rights to sue these two for....'

'Sue them for what exactly?' Parisha interrupted him. 'For coming out? It is their God given right to live the way they want to. There is no law that says they cannot come out,' Parisha argued. Stuart cleared his throat.

'As part of the management team of One Direction, their contract.....'

'Nowhere in their contract does it say that they cannot live their own sexuality. I have read the contract and saw the loop holes and the only thing that screamed out at me from that contact is the so called right you reserve to make of their lives what you decide is best for their careers. Nowhere does it state that you reserve the right to dictate their private lives thus you cannot sue them for coming out and living their sexuality.' Stuart huffed already annoyed with Parisha's argument.

'They knew the image of the band they had to with hold. When they first signed the contract.....'

'Ah yes when they first signed the contracts. Let's talk about when they first signed their contracts shall we,' Parisha interrupted him yet again. 'They were children under the age of 18 when they signed those contracts with the exception of Mr. Tomlinson. Contracts which you and Mr. Cowell as their then signing record label refused to allow them to have a lawyer present to oversee the said contracts. You never once made them sign another contract when they came of legal age thus the contract they signed with you is still signed by them as under 18's. Said contracts where not even signed by their parents or legal guardians so if you are going to throw around words such as lawsuits, I can take this to court and file for liquidation of contracts which would be made null because they were signed by children under the age of 18 without legal signatures of parents or legal guardians and without legal representation.'

'Those contracts where legally signed....' Stuart began but again Parisha interrupted him.

'Legally signed on your behalf and your lawyers by my clients who were under the legal age of 18 without legal representation or legally signed by parents or legal guardians.' Glances were exchanged between the opposite party and Harry squeezed Louis' hand tightly under the table. One of the lawyers looked at Parisha.

'Your point is irrelevant. Your clients knew perfectly well what they were signing up for. It was all made clearly to them what the contract entitled of them.' Parisha smiled at him, easy and calm.

'If there is an irrelevant point here is the one you just made. You know perfectly well that it is within the law that persons under the age of 18 should have legal representation in the presence of the parent or legal guardian of the individual when signing any kind of legal documents. I have talked to the parents of my clients and not one of them was present when said documents where being signed. In fact, Page 15 Clause number 3 states and may I quote this to you, that "any party signing a contract with Modest/Syco has no claim for legal representation or viewing of the said documents." And I ask you, why is that? Why do you not allow your clients to have legal representation or the documents they have to signed legally reviewed before they sign them?' Simon looked at her blankly.

'Because there is nothing damaging in the contracts that is harmful to our clients.' Parisha scoffed.

'Yet here we are today talking about suing my clients simply because they decided not to live in their carefully constructed closet which you built for them and stuffed them into.'

'That is preposterous! There is no base foundation for you accusations,' Stuart spit at her. 'We at Modest and I can safely say if I may at Syco too, never forced anyone into any closet.' Parisha raised an eyebrow at him.

'No?' she asked him with a challenging tone. 'What about Abel James?' A look of confusion crossed their faces and Parisha took the opportunity to continue. 'Abel James and his band were signed with Syco and Modest around four years ago. However, that did not last long because Mr. James committed suicide. The reason behind Mr. James' suicide was that he was suffering from extreme depression, anxiety and panic attacks due to the fact that he was made to breakup with his boyfriend because you wanted a hetero image for their band that did not include Mr. James being gay.'

'You have no base foundation that what you are saying is true,' the lawyer interrupted her. 'There is no evidence of what you just stated.' Parisha smirked at him.

'Is it evidence that you want? Hang on to your seats because I have plenty. Mrs. Valerie McCutcheon was his therapist back then. She spoke at length with Mr. James about his problems and he told her everything. She recorded her sittings with Mr. James so if you are interested in having the evidence, we have him on tape relying all that was said to him by your people, threats that were made, rules forced on him plus a suicide letter left to his then boyfriend Ryan Grady where he explained everything to him. If that is not enough, I have Mr. Mark Feehily from the former boy band Westlife. I presume you remember them? Mr. Feehily was kind enough to tell me everything that had happened while he was in Westlife and how he was made to stay closeted and portrayed as a womanizer to disguise the fact that he was gay for the sake of the hetero "band image". Mr. Feehily suffered from severe depression, anxiety, panic attacks and was suicidal thus he had a therapist appointed to him by you. Mrs. Valerie McCutcheon. Mrs. McCutcheon has all her sittings with Mr. Feehily recorded so feel free to hear them if you have forgotten all about this. Does any of this sound familiar to you? Because if it doesn't may I remind you that my client Mr. Tomlinson attempted suicide because you have put him in a position to leave his boyfriend of five years, causing them both immense stress and devastation. You threatened him, harassed him and forced him into doing what he didn't want to do for the sake of a hetero image for the band. Yet again you appointed Mrs. Valerie McCutcheon to help them. You have closeted them and threatened them and made them suffer all for the sake of the band's squeaky clean image. You have slandered and harmed Mr Tomlinson's character and image by creating lies and launching a character assassination campaign against him, defaming him to have fathered an illegitimate child when said child was fathered by his friend Mr. Calvin Rodgers. I have here Mr. Rodger's account of how you paid him off thousands just so you can pin this baby on my client. I have witnesses and evidence so if you want to take this to court, then by all means gentlemen lead the way.' Parisha stopped and evaluated the men in front of her. Judging by the looks on their faces she could tell that they had not been expecting any of this. When she saw that they had nothing to say she continued:

'Not to mention the employment of so called "beards",' she said air quoting the words. Stuart looked offended.

'We have employed no such.....'

'Seriously?' Parisha interrupted him. 'You are going to sit there and deny that you have employed Miss Eleanor Calder to be my client's "girlfriend" to cover up his being gay? Please do deny it,' she dared Stuart but he only regarded her with a cold, blank stare. Parisha cleared her throat. 'As I was saying regarding Miss Calder, I have further proof and evidence that she was employed by you to act as Mr. Tomlinson's girlfriend. Now if you wish me to bring forth these proofs and evidence, I really have no problem as I can also bring proof and evidence from the PR of Miss Taylor Swift whom I talked to on the phone where said PR confirmed that there had been an agreement between her management and my client's management in this case Mr.Harry Styles for a romantic liaison from which both artists could benefit. The PR also informed me that Mr. Styles was against this and had no interest in gaining form of public exposure from this stunt, a stunt which went on for a couple of months. There are others whom I have talked to and are willing to come forward but I guess you know who these people are since you were the ones to engage them for Mr. Harry Styles against his constant refusal of such stunts which you forced on him anyway. That is harassment and bullying and in no way will be allowed to continue.' Stuart shot Harry a look.

'Mr. Styles knew what he was getting into.....'

'Don't you dare blame him,' Louis shot at Stuart. 'You know he hated those stunts. He hated them because he was doing something he wasn't comfortable with and he didn't like using the girls even though it was free promotion for them yet you forced him to do them to cover up the fact that he was with me. No matter how hard I told you that I would stay with Eleanor to keep the cover you still had to give him beards. I begged you not to give him any yet even though I stayed with El for four long years you still had to make him.' Louis' voice broke and Harry was quick to wrap an arm around his shoulder and comfort him, not really caring about the people in the room.

'It's okay Lou. It's all in the past yeah. Don't worry love,' Harry told him soothingly as he placed a kiss to his temple. Louis looked at him, smiled and relaxed. Yeah it was all in the past. Stuart looked at them disgusted.

'I hope this little charade you pulled, coming out during the last concert will be worth the end of your careers,' he spat at them. 'You lost everything.'

'I beg to differ,' Parisha counteracted. The lawyer Simon next to cleared his throat.

'You can beg to differ all you want but this is going to court. Modest and Syco will sue.' Parisha shrugged as she threw a look at Louis and Harry. They had both paled visibly but she winked at them.

'Fine. A lawsuit you want, then a lawsuit you shall get but let me just offer my services to you free of charge. You take this to court and you will lose.'

'How so?' Simon asked her, eyeing her suspiciously. Parisha took in a deep breath.

'Well, today nobody likes a homophobe or a sexist or a bully. If we take this to court, with all the evidence I have and the witnesses who are willing to testify if put on stand, not to mention Zayn Malik being kicked out of the band for having romantic interests in Liam Payne, well your case will be burnt to the ground. They will hear of how you have been treating your clients, of your schemes and deceptions and puff, you will go up in smoke.'

'You have no hard evidence,' Stuart spat at her. 'Its all just words, claims and speculation. As for Mr. Malik, he left of his own accord. He wanted to pursue a solo career and we could not deny him that given his mental health.' Parisha smiled to herself. These assholes where trying to find loop holes to get out of this unscathed but she would be damned if she didn't see them burn down to the ground before this meeting was over.

'That's where you're wrong,' Parisha told him calmly. 'I do have hard evidence. See, I have a friend who works in your offices who has been kind enough to supply me with copies of NDA's signed by people like Miss Calder, Miss Swift's people, security people and others who have worked with my clients for the past five years. I have copies of cheuqes signed out to Miss Calder on a monthly basis, cheques with a six digit figure on them. Also, my friend at your offices has provided me with paper work dating back to when you signed up Abel James and his band. Not to mention paperwork related to Mr. Feehily. Nonetheless, I have copies of an NDA, signed by Mr. Malik where said NDA states that Mr. Malik in no way can sue you for ending his contract with the band a year early then when the contract was supposed to expire. You made him sign paperwork stating that he left the band because he was stressed and mentally exhausted and that in the future he wanted to pursue a solo career. So I wondered why Mr. Malik had not been provided with the services of Mrs. Valerie McCutcheon for his said and I quote "mental instability due to pressure and stress of being in a multimillion dollar selling band." However, just so you are informed, we have had Mr. Malik evaluated mentally by a professional psychiatrist not related in any way or form to this case and I have his evaluation right here for you to see stating that Mr. Malik suffered from nothing more severe than stress caused by the hectic life of a pop star. Nothing so bad that required him to leave the band. So I really suggest you think again before you take this to court because your dirty laundry will be aired out there in the open for all to see.' Simon gave a small tight smile.

'I see that you have done your homework,' he told Parisha sarcastically. 'So what do you plan to do with all this that you think you know?' Parisha looked him right in the eyes.

'Well that all depends on all of you,' she replied coolly a smile playing on her lips as she rested her back against the chair and gave Harry and Louis a knowing look.

 

 

Half an hour later, everyone filed out of the boardroom and went into different directions without as much as an amicable shaking of hands. Parisha, Louis and Harry stood by the glass doors as they watched them all go towards the elevators then made their way to the waiting room. As soon as they opened the door and stepped inside, Liam, Niall, Zayn, Val, Eleanor, Mark and Ryan all stood up and looked at them with hopeful eyes assessing their faces for any trace of what might had happened in that board room. Louis and Harry could see their expectancy as to what news they might bring. Harry wrapped an arm around Louis, pulling him closer and smiled at them.

'We did it,' he said, his voice low but full of happiness. Liam took a step towards them.

'What do you mean?' he asked a little hesitantly. Louis smiled broadly at him.

'We are free!' he yelled. 'We are fucking free!' Liam, Zayn and Niall just jumped them, hugging them tightly.

'Oh my God you guys did it!' Liam exclaimed. When they pulled apart, they all had tears in their eyes. Harry and Louis looked at the others, at Val and Ryan who were waiting to see if they had evened the score of behalf of Abel and at Mark who wanted justice for what had been done to him. Louis and Harry gave them a sympathetic look then they looked at Parisha.

'You tell them,' Louis told her as he pressed closer into Harry's side. Parisha nodded at him.

'It is all done. Its over. We got Modest to liquidate the company. There will be no more Modest Management who will take advantage of people and bully them into being what they want them to be. It was hard getting them to accept but with all the evidence and witnesses we had they knew that taking this to court would cost them a lot of money and they would still lose and would have to snuff Modest out either way. They have been caught and we have evidence to prove it so they chose to file for bankruptcy, keep the money and go down with some decorum. Maybe they will get caught for trying to fraud their accountants to file for bankruptcy but that's not our problem anymore. As for Simon, he was a tougher nail to nail but we got what we wanted. We made him sell his holdings with Syco records so now all holdings have gone to SONY Entertainment. So he cannot sign anymore people to the label. As for his role on the X Factor, he will still be on the show as a judge but the people he will decide to sign to SONY Entertainment will have legal presentation and I will be that legal rep to see that no other new coming artist is scammed by Simon Cowell. Also SONY will be personally looking into the clients Simon will suggest to be singed up with them. They have him on a tight leash now and they agreed to my propositions, one of which was that no new comers signed to SONY Entertainment should be ever made to suffer because of their sexual preference. We got all this and One Direction/Larry Stylinson will not be sued. I believe everyone got what they deserved.' The room went silent and some tears where shed. Mark and Ryan shook hands with Louis and Harry, thanking them again for all that they had done and wished them the best of luck for their future together and career wise. Mark and Ryan left together after Mark asked Ryan if he wanted to go for a coffee and celebrate. Eleanor strangled them both with her hugs and kissed both their cheeks telling them that she had better be on their wedding list. Val was the last to hug them. She wrapped her arms around the both of them and hugged them tightly.

'Thank you,' she whispered in their hair as the tears fell from her eyes. 'Now Abel can truly rest in peace and Ryan can finally start to move on, which I think he might with Mark. They seemed to get along right away. And its all because you two were brave enough to take a stand.' Louis and Harry hugged her and rubbed her back comforting her. They knew how much Abel's death had taken a toll on her and after meeting Ryan today, they could tell that he was still not healed.

'You are welcome,' Louis told her, his voice thick with emotions. Harry squeezed his waist with his free hand and Louis leaned into him. Val pulled back and smiled at them fondly before walking out of the room. Parisha walked out with her, leaving Louis and Harry alone. The other boys left too so it was just the two of them in the now quiet waiting room. They looked at each other for a bit then Harry smiled.

'How do you feel?' he asked Louis and Louis looked at him as if he was the sun shining on a summer's day and smiled his biggest smile that made his eyes crinkle.

'Happy,' Louis said. 'A kind of happiness I never felt before. I feel whole and free. We did it baby. We are free can you believe that? No more Modest. No more Simon. They are gone and nobody else will have to go through what we have been through.' Harry couldn't help but smile big too, his dimples popping in his cheeks which made Louis poke them right away.

'Yeah we are free to be us. To be together like any other couple under the sun. And I couldn't be happier that I get to be with you, my first and only true love who I have loved since I was sixteen.' Harry leaned in and kissed Louis' smile because Louis couldn't stop smiling. 'I'm taking you out to dinner tonight,' Harry told him matter of factly. 'Our first real date as a free couple. A date out in the open. Will you go out to dinner with me tonight?' Harry asked him feeling as if they were a new couple just starting out on their new relationship. Louis looked up at him through his lashes, his smile splitting his face.

'I'd love to.'

 

NEXT UPDATE COMING SOON....DON'T MISS IT.


	77. Chapter 77

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys mid-week update. Today I had some free time after work and housework and all that so I decided to update another chapter of Outing Larry. Writing for the last chapter (or chapters) for Outing Larry is progressing, slowly but progressing. Thank you for sticking with me for this fic like you did with A Darker Shade of Love. I truly appreciate it and I really love your comments. Sometimes I need a boost of confidence and some of your comments really give me that. Okay I'll leave you to this chapter. We left Louis and Harry about to go on their first official date since coming out. Hope you like it. All the love, M.

Louis looked at his watch as he paced the living room for the hundredth time. What was taking Harry so long to get ready? He was already nervous and excited to be going on their first official date since coming out, so the fact that Harry was taking ages to get ready was doing nothing to calm his already jittered nerves. Yes, they had come out and they were now free to be together and be seen in public but it was still nerve wrecking to be actually going out on a date with Harry and not having to hide! He remembered how many times they had to go on secret dates, leaving their hotel in different cars and booking a restaurant after closing hours just so they could have a meal together, entering and leaving through back doors, security checking to make sure that there were no paps or fans. And now they were going on a date like normal people do, leaving the house together, taking the same car and going to the restaurant at normal hours with people inside. Louis knew that they would be papped and that both scared and excited him. He knew the fans would be overjoyed and over whelmed to see pictures of them together flooding Twitter. He looked at his watch again. It was nearly eight! What the fuck was taking Harry so long?

Harry looked at himself in the mirror for the millionth time. He wore his pair of black skinny jeans, his boots and the new Yves Saint Laurent shirt he bought, sheer black, striped with small white stars. He left the top three buttons undone, revealing his swallow tattoos on his chest and he loved the way his other tattoos could be seen through the sheer material of the shirt. He rolled the sleeves up just to beneath his elbows. He decided to put his hair up in a bun because he was too nervous to have his hair all about his face and he knew that if he left it down he would end up fidgeting with his hair. He took in a deep breath trying to steady his racing heart. He was excited and nervous to be going out with Louis on their first public appearance which was their first exclusive date out in the public. They never had proper dates. All they had had were secret rendezvous. But tonight was the first night of the rest of their lives and Harry felt excited. He put on some Hugo Boss, looked at himself one last time in the mirror and left their bedroom.

As he entered the living room, Louis looked up and his breath caught at the sight that was Harry. His eyes raked over Harry and he was pleased with what he saw. He smiled at Harry.

'Took you long enough,' he commented and Harry grinned at him as he walked closer to him.

'Was making myself decent,' he told him as he pressed his body closer to Louis'. Louis inhaled his scent and it made his head swim. Louis placed a gentle kiss on his lips.

'You are beautiful,' he whispered against his lips and Harry felt him self glow at Louis' compliment.

'Not too bad yourself,' Harry complimented back as he pulled back to look a Louis who wore black skinny jeans, shoes instead of his Adidas or Vans and a grey button down shirt instead of his usual tee shirts. He looked very handsome with his scruffy beard and his hair soft with a fringe across his forehead, some of it brushing his eyelashes.

'You done with your staring yet?' Louis told him a smirk playing on his face. Harry blinked and felt his face heat up.

'Sorry,' he told him shyly. 'I can't help it.' Louis held out his hand to him a fond smile on his face.

'Shall we go then?' he asked him. Harry took his hand and together they walked out to the car.

 

It was past midnight when Louis and Harry left the restaurant and got back into their car after a very lovely meal. They both felt elated, happy and relaxed. Their first date and first appearance in public as a couple had been a success and they had been met with nothing but respect, love, acceptance and a sense of normality. When they first set out towards the restaurant three hours earlier, they didn't know what to expect from the public and they had to admit that they had been pretty nervous. Harry had driven on the way to the restaurant and had held Louis' hand while he drove. They hadn't talked much, each of them lost in thoughts about how they would be greeted. However upon their arrival at the restaurant, there had been no fuss. They had been shown to their table and treated like any other people in the restaurant. There had been the furtive glances obviously but mostly because they had been recognized as Louis and Harry from One Direction. The people there had been discreet enough to let them enjoy their dinner without harassing them for photos though Harry did catch a few people sneakily taking pictures of them with their phones and he knew that most probably they were already on Twitter, the photos captioned "First Larry Date", which would probably lead to a trending hashtag by the time they finished their meal.

By the time they were done and ready to leave the restaurant, they felt more relaxed and their earlier worries had some what subsided, partially thanks to a bottle of good red wine they had shared. When they had emerged from the restaurant to go to their car, a few paps and fans had gathered outside. When they stepped outside together hand in hand, the cameras started snapping, flashes blinding them. Paps were calling out to them for pictures and asking a lot of questions which Harry and Louis did not reply to. However, they did give the paps the photos they wanted. They smiled at them and said hello and good evening and did not rush to walk away. They stopped to chat to the few fans outside and took photos with them. This time the fans wanted their picture to be with "Larry" instead with either Louis or Harry so happily Louis and Harry posed with their fans to let them have their first "Larry" pictures.

After that, Louis and Harry got to the car and Harry had asked Louis to drive because he was so overwhelmed that his hands were shaking and also because he had drunk more wine than Louis and, also because he wanted to check Twitter. Louis had laughed, kissed him lightly on the lips and got behind the wheel, now feeling more at ease that they had been received by their fans and general public in a normal way. While Louis drove, Harry checked Twitter and as they had suspected the pictures that people in the restaurant had sneakily took of them looking cozy at the dining table where on Twitter already and Larries where freaking out. They were calling it the first Larry Sighting and the hashtag was #LarryOutOnADate. Harry noticed that both he and Louis looked happy in the pictures that people in the restaurant had "sneakily" taken of them. He loved that they had been caught off guard and not posing for pictures, smiling at each other naturally and that they both looked relaxed. When they had stopped at a red light, Harry had shown Louis the photos and Louis had smiled happily and told him to save those pictures of their first date and Harry had happily saved all the pictures that were taken of them in a file in his gallery.

By the time they had arrived home, the pap pictures were on Twitter with captions along with them describing how this was the first time they were seen out in public after coming out during their last concert on the 31st October at Sheffield Arena. Tomorrow there will be headlines and news. The fan pictures where also up and those who had taken a picture with them where all tweeting about excited they were at meeting "Larry" and had put up their pictures which they had taken with "Larry" and how Louis and Harry were so happy and relaxed and nice. All in all, Harry figured, it had been a wonderful evening for all involved: them, fans and paps.

Louis parked the car in the driveway not at all in the mood to put the car in the garage. He wanted to get Harry inside. He wanted Harry all to himself. He leaned over the console and gently grabbed Harry's chin turning his face to his while with his other hand he took Harry's phone away from him.

'Enough of this for tonight. It's been a great night but we're not done celebrating yet,' Louis told him, moving closer to Harry until their lips touched. Louis kissed him softly then pulled back and looked into Harry's beautiful flushed face. 'Let's go inside,' he simply told him and Harry was already opening the passenger door and getting tangled in the seat belt before Louis even had time to finish the sentence. Louis chuckled at his clumsy partner as he struggled to untangle himself out of the seat belt. 'Eager much?' he called out to Harry who had manged to get out of the car and was fumbling with his keys to open up the door. Harry cursed his shaky hands, took a deep breath and told himself to get his shit together. By the time Louis reached him, Harry finally opened the door and as soon as they entered the house, Louis slammed the door shut behind them and pushed Harry up against it. All night during dinner, Louis couldn't concentrate on anything but Harry. Harry and the way his shirt was open to reveal those two swallows, his other tattoos peeking out from behind that transparent shirt that he was wearing as if silently seducing him, the way he moved his full lips to talk, so slow, his smile, his smell, his long fingers as they used the fork and knife to eat his meal. All night the only thought that ran around Louis' mind was getting Harry alone at their house to properly celebrate their new found freedom.

Harry inhaled sharply at the impact when his back was slammed into the door but smirked at Louis, his green eyes shining in anticipation to what was to come. He loved it when Louis was rough. He loved it when Louis manhandled him and he knew Louis loved it too. He knew Louis wouldn't hurt him. He had absolute trust in him. Louis leaned in closer, his lips only inches away from Harry's.

'I've been waiting for this all night,' he whispered against his lips as his hand traveled down past Harry's waist and rested on his semi hard dick. Harry hissed and rolled his eyes at the contact, pushing his hips forward to get more friction with Louis' hand. Louis palmed him gently, digging the heel of his hand into Harry's dick. Harry closed his eyes tightly shut because he too had been craving Louis' touch all night. It had been a celebratory dinner, their first outing in a public place as a free couple and the knowledge of that alone had made Harry excited, the fact that they were out together on a date in public and not having to worry about being seen by fans or photographed by paps. All night they had given each other lusty looks, longing and desire mixed with a subtle touches of the hands across the table or tangled feet under the table. And each little gesture had made Harry horny and a little hard in his jeans. Louis squeezed him a little roughly bringing him back to the present moment.

'What are you thinking?' Louis asked him, his warm lips brushing Harry's neck, making his whole body quiver. Louis squeezed him again for emphasis and Harry couldn't hold back the filthy moan that left his parted lips.

'I ugh I was uhm thinking of maybe putting on something more comfortable,' Harry stuttered out as Louis continued to palm him through his jeans while his deft lips sucked and licked the column of his throat, his jaw, beneath his ear. Harry whined and rutted against Louis' hand.

'Hmm,' Louis hummed against his skin, 'sounds good baby. How about I put the fire on hmm? And open a bottle of champagne. We have much to celebrate,' he told Harry as he captured his lips, slipping his tongue into Harry's willing mouth and Harry groaned when he felt Louis dominating his mouth, his whole senses. Louis kissed him rough and hard, biting his lower lip and making Harry moan loudly. Then he pulled back from the kiss leaving Harry panting for more. Louis looked at him and his breath caught. Harry was beautiful, with that flushed horny look, lips so sinfully red begging to be kissed, eyes hooded and lustful while some loose curls had slipped out of his bun. Louis smiled at him adoringly. He was so going to make him fall apart tonight. He was going to enjoy wrecking him little by little.

'Well go on then,' Louis told him playfully. 'Go make yourself comfortable for me.' Harry snapped out of his trance and nodded, pushing past Louis. As he passed by, Louis smacked his butt.

'That ass though!' Louis complimented him and Harry couldn't help the giggle that escaped him mouth and feel happy as he took the stairs two at a time. Louis smiled to himself and walked into their living room and immediately set about starting a fire in their fireplace. He wanted a nice blazing fire that would last a few hours. It was cold outside and since he was planning on getting them both naked on their living room floor, he needed the room to be warm. He didn't want his baby to feel cold.

When the fire was burning in the grate, he walked into the kitchen whistling to himself and selected a bottle of champagne from their fridge. Tonight was special, a very special occasion to celebrate. They were free and if this didn't call for a celebration then Louis didn't know what did. He uncorked the bottle with a loud pop. He pulled down two flutes from the glass cabinet and carried everything out into the living room, which was now pleasantly warm, the fire crackling and the smell of burning wood filling the room making it feel homey and cozy. He moved the coffee table off the white sheepskin carpet they had in front of the fire place, making room to lay his baby down. He quickly crossed the room and went to a cabinet by the window and opened it. He looked in and selected five white candles that said on the labels smelled of vanilla. Then he placed his phone on the dock and selected a special song for the night which he put on replay. Louis took the candles and drew the curtains closed across the windows before he walked back to the coffee table and placed the candles there and lit them. He looked around the room and he reckoned it looked very romantic with the blazing fire, sheepskin carpet, candles and champagne. When he made sure everything was perfect, he stripped down to his boxer briefs, placing his clothes on the couch. He sat down on the carpet, loving the feel of its softness against his bare thighs and the warmth of the fire against his cool skin. He took a sip of champagne and nearly choked on it as Harry stepped into the living room.

Harry stood there, his hair down, soft curls around his shoulders wearing a black satin robe that reached half way down his creamy thighs looking like a Victoria's Secret angel even though Louis was sure that whoever Victoria was, she didn't have an angel as beautiful as his Harry. The robe was fastened around his waist by a satin belt tied in a neat bow and he had a thick black leather collar around his neck with a metal ring in the front. Louis' mouth hung open as he drank in his beautiful angel not believing that this gorgeous human being was his, all his.

'Fuck,' Louis finally hissed unable to take his eyes off Harry as he sashayed towards him, slow and sexy, those long legs never ending. The motherfucker took sexy to a whole new different level and nobody could compare. He sat down across from Louis on the thick sheepskin carpet and smiled at him, a smile that was both innocent and seductive as fuck. Louis felt all the blood go straight to his dick! 

'Like what you see?' Harry asked him as he fingered the satin belt at his waist teasingly, his deep voice and a slow drawl rumbling in Louis' chest,making his cock twitch and his body ignite. Louis swallowed hard as he devoured every inch of Harry's barely covered body.

'Fuck yeah,' he whispered hoarsely, his voice thick with lust. 'Come here baby,' Louis told him, indicating for Harry to move closer and Harry obeyed wanting nothing more than to please Louis. Louis watched as Harry scooted closer, tugging down his robe trying to be modest even though he was so far from modest and that made Louis hornier. The fact that after all this time Harry still held a touch of modesty and shyness mixed with innocence and sexy astounded Louis but he loved it. It made Harry classy and classy Harry sure was. Louis ran his hand slowly up Harry's smooth thigh stopping just beneath the hem of the satin robe, not wanting to go any further just yet. Louis's eyes went wide as he met Harry's gaze.

'Fuck you shaved,' Louis exclaimed, his erection growing in his boxers. Harry smiled shyly at him and bit down on his bottom lip. He knew Louis loved it when he shaved. 'When did you shave?' Louis asked him still surprised.

'This afternoon while taking my bath,' Harry replied coyly. Louis squeezed his thigh hard, his fingers indenting Harry's pale skin.

'Fuck you're so hot baby,' Louis whispered thickly. 'Gonna wreck you well and good tonight. Been a while huh since I made you a whimpering mess?' Harry smiled as he leaned closer and placed a kiss on Louis lips while placing something in Louis' free hand. Louis looked down at the item in his hand then looked back up at Harry a little shocked.

'A cock ring?' he asked him raising a questioning eyebrow at Harry. What was his boy up to? Louis wondered. Harry gave him a seductive smile that was somehow still innocent.

'I don't want to come too soon. I want to last for you. I want to watch you and feel you through your orgasm with out being distracted by mine,' he told him softly and Louis felt himself falling...falling for his beautiful boy all over again. Everything about Harry made him fall. Every time he opened his mouth, or blinked or even took a breath, Louis fell more and more in love with him, harder than the minute before. He was so fucking smitten and whipped and in love with him that it hurt his bones.

'Oh baby,' Louis said, his voice full of emotion as he leaned over and kissed Harry tenderly. He decided then that he wasn't going to be rough with him tonight. He was going to be soft and gentle just like Harry liked it and he was going to love him proper. Louis pulled back, their foreheads resting against each other and he caressed his cheek with the back of his hand. Then he reached over to the coffee table and handed Harry a glass of champagne while Louis took his.

'A toast,' Louis told him, raising his flute. 'To you and I, the greatest team that the world has ever seen,' he told him smirking at Harry as Harry rolled his eyes at the corny toast but chuckled when Louis burst out laughing. 'On a serious note,' Louis continued, 'to us. We've been to hell and back but here we are still together, still in love as the day we first met when you were nothing but a dorky sixteen year old who seduced me with his curls and I fell for you the moment my eyes met yours and you gave me a dimpled smile and an Opps. Here we are free and out of the closet. I never thought I would live to see this day happen to us. To true love because it does exist and it happens. I love you baby,' Louis told him as they clinked their flutes together.

'I love you,' Harry told him as he took a sip of the cold champagne. Louis took their glasses and placed them on the coffee table then he looked at Harry.

'Lie down baby,' he instructed him gently and Harry obeyed, lying down in front of the fireplace. Louis grabbed the remote control off the coffee table and pressed play and immediately 'Versace on The Floor' by Bruno Mars filled the room. He straddled Harry's waist.

 

Let's take our time tonight, girl  
Above us all the stars are watchin'  
There's no place I'd rather be in this world  
Your eyes are where I'm lost in

 

'Romantic,' Harry purred as Bruno Mars sang on.

'I have it on replay,' Louis informed him. 'This will be our soundtrack for tonight,' he told him as he leaned over him and began kissing his neck around the leather collar fastened around Harry's neck, behind his ear and his jaw. 'Hmm this collar is such a fucking turn on baby,' Louis hissed in Harry's ear as he licked the shell then took his ear lobe between his lips and sucked. Harry whined as his grip on Louis' waist tightened.

 

Underneath the chandelier  
We're dancin' all alone  
There's no reason to hide  
What we're feelin' inside  
Right now

 

Louis pulled back and looked down into Harry's face and gave him a tender smile.

'Are you alright my love?' he asked him and Harry simply nodded. Louis played with the satin belt at Harry's waist, twirling the satin fabric round his finger.

 

So baby let's just turn down the lights  
And close the door  
Oooh I love that dress  
But you won't need it anymore  
No you won't need it no more  
Let's just kiss 'til we're naked, baby

Versace on the floor  
Ooh, take it off for me, for me, for me, for me now,girl  
Versace on the floor  
Ooh, take it off for me, for me, for me, for me now, girl

 

Harry smiled up at Louis. 'Good thing I'm not wearing Versace,' he said a hint of laughter in his voice, 'because there is no way I would've thrown it on the floor.' Louis sucked at the skin beneath his ear, then licked the red bruise on Harry's skin.

'Who gives a fuck if Versace is on the floor as long as I have Harry on the floor?' he told him, his smiling lips against his skin and Harry laughed as he ran his fingers through Louis' hair and brought his lips down to him and Louis kissed him deep and passionately. When they broke the kiss, Louis looked into Harry's eyes.

'May I?' Louis asked him indicating the belt around his waist. 'As much as I love this robe on you I don't think we'll be needing it.' Louis pulled the belt and the satin bow opened softly, the silky material shimmering and rippling. Louis parted the robe revealing Harry's torso, groin and thighs. Louis ran his hand from Harry's leather collar, down his chest, stomach and lower, his eyes stopping below Harry's belly button. 'Jesus fucking Christ Haz are you trying to kill me?' Louis groaned as he looked at the black lace thong Harry was wearing. His dick strained against the lace and Louis ran his hand over it, loving the feel of Harry's hard cock and the lace. His hand trailed further down between Harry's legs where the thong disappeared in Harry's crack. Louis let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding.

 

I unzip the back to watch it fall  
While I kiss your neck and shoulders  
No, don't be afraid to show it all  
I'll be right here ready to hold you

 

'God you are so fucking hot baby,' Louis praised him. Louis sat back on his heels and took Harry's leg placing his foot on his shoulder. He began kissing his ankle slowly, letting his tongue trail over the skin and placing open mouthed kisses and he went up to his calf. He let his stubble brush against Harry's smooth shaved skin and even though Louis knew that Harry would get a beard rash, he also knew that he loved feeling the harshness of his stubble on his skin. Louis continued to kiss and suck up Harry's leg until he was right between his legs. He sucked love bites on the inside of Harry's thighs, making Harry squirm and moan. His hand traveled over Harry's cock again, loving the feel of the lace under his fingertips and he could feel a wet patch right on the head.

 

Girl, you know you're perfect from  
Your head down to your heels  
Don't be confused by my smile  
'Cause I ain't ever been more for real,for real

 

'Hmm so wet for me already,' Louis hummed as he placed kisses on Harry's hard dick. Harry bucked his hips up but Louis held him down. 'Let's get this ring on you then shall we?' Louis asked him and Harry only made a whimpering sound and it was all Harry could do because his body was on fire. His body had no control when Louis touched him. His body was at Louis' command and he was at his mercy and Harry hoped he wouldn't come while Louis was putting the ring on him. Louis tugged down the front of his thong, exposing Harry's dick. Harry closed his eyes tightly shut and took in a sharp breath as he felt Louis fingers gently spread lube on him, the cold lube on his over heated skin making him shiver, the way Louis was moving his hand, wrapped in a fist around him, deliberately and painfully slowly up and down his hard shaft. Harry whined.

'Lou,' he moaned but it came out as a warning, warning Louis that if he continued like that, he would come. Louis took heed to the warning because he really didn't want Harry to come just yet. He picked up the purple glittery silicone ring and ever so slowly, dragged it down Harry's shaft. Harry grabbed fistfuls of the sheepskin carpet beneath him at the sensation of the tight cock ring now settled at his base. Louis covered his dick again under the beautiful black lace and placed a kiss on Harry's parted lips.

'Breathe baby,' Louis told him as he commenced to kiss his neck going down to nibble at his collar bones. Harry writhed beneath him, moaning softly at Louis' tender ministrations. Louis could feel Harry's hard dick pressed against the inside of his thigh as he straddled him and how Harry was bucking his hips up slowly trying to get some friction. Louis knew that the cock ring was going to make Harry harder and prolong his pleasure until he could finally come. Louis was determined to make the most of it and pleasure Harry as much as he could. He took one of his nipples in his mouth sucking on it gently and Harry let out a strangled cry because Harry's nipples were very sensitive. Louis continued to nibble and suck and bite one nipple while he twirled and pinched the other between his thumb and forefinger. Harry was breathing hard and fast and Louis could feel the wetness against his thigh from Harry's leaking dick.

 

So just turn down the lights  
And close the door  
Ooh, I love that dress, but you won't need it anymore  
No, you won't need it no more  
Let's just kiss 'til we're naked, baby

Versace on the floor  
Ooh, take it off for me, for me, for me, for me now,girl  
Versace on the floor  
Ooh, take it off for me, for me, for me, for me now, girl

 

Louis lifted his head and looked at Harry. He already looked wrecked and Louis hadn't even prepped him yet. Louis continued to pull and pinch his nipples while he devoured his lips, plunging his tongue in his mouth and Harry responded. He responded to Louis with every fiber of his burning body. He was ready. He was so so ready. He wanted Louis inside of him like now. He needed him to fill him up because even with the cock ring he felt as if he was going to explode. His fingers dug into Louis's back as he grazed his nails down his skin. He was feeling too much. Louis pulled back breathless and smiled at Harry, removing his hair away from his face.

'Gonna open you up baby okay,' Louis told him and Harry just nodded. Louis pecked his lips, picking up the lube and coating his fingers. He reached down between Harry's legs, pushing them apart with his knee. He didn't take off Harry's lace thong. It was too pretty and a turn on so he just reached between his cheeks, moved it aside and pressed his index finger against Harry's tight rim. Harry arched his back off the carpet at the sensation of the invading digit and Louis pressed it all the way in to the last knuckle. He watched Harry's face as he took it in. Harry pushed his hips down letting Louis know he needed more and Louis wasn't going to deny him anything, not tonight, not ever. He pushed in another digit next to the first one and heard Harry inhale sharply. He began to scissor him open and finger fucking him till Harry was breathless and begging him for more and mumbling incoherent things at Louis. Louis pulled out his fingers and kissed Harry long and deep. When he pulled back he looked down into Harry's flushed face. He was ready for more.

 

It's warmin' up  
Can you feel it?  
It's warmin' up  
Can you feel it?  
It's warmin' up  
Can you feel it, baby?  
It's warmin' up  
Oh, seems like you're ready for more, more, more  
Let's just kiss 'til we're naked

 

'As much as I love this thong, it has to go baby,' he told him as he wasted no time pulling it down Harry's long legs, freeing his dick which was impossibly hard. Louis threw the thong to the side and looked at Harry with a little worry.

'Darling are you sure you want to keep the ring on? It's not hurting you is it? We can just remove it baby....'

'No,' Harry cut him, 'm'fine. Just c'mon Louis please,' he begged. Louis wasted no time. His boy's wish was his command. He coated his dick with lube and lined himself up with Harry's expectant hole. He pushed in slowly until the head was in, making sure that Harry was alright but Harry was looking at him with hooded eyes. As if on cue, Harry wrapped his long legs around Louis' waist and dug his heels into Louis' bum urging him on. Louis thrust forward and sheathed himself fully inside Harry.

 

Versace on the floor  
Hey, baby  
Take it off for me, for me, for me, for me now, girl  
Versace on the floor  
Ooh, take it off for me, for me, for me, for me now, girl

 

'Oh fuck,' Harry groaned. 'Oh baby fuck move please,' he whined as his fingers scrabbled to grab at anything. Louis pulled out and slammed back in making Harry make the most sinful noises ever. He picked up a rhythm, fast, quick and deep, pulling out and pushing back in. Harry bucked up his hips to meet Louis' thrusts. Louis shifted a little and struck Harry's prostate making him groan and whine, his moans loud and needy. Louis could feel himself getting closer to his orgasm. The way Harry was making those filthy noises, his warm, sweat slicked body beneath him, that satin robe open but still clinging to his shoulders, the leather collar around his pale neck and the heat he was pounding into as Harry's velvet walls clenched around him where pulling him to his release.

'Ha-Harry I-I'm close,' Louis stuttered as he continued pounding into Harry. Harry looked at him, his eyes full of love and adoration.

'Come for me baby,' Harry told him and that was all Louis needed, that deep slow voice to tip him over the edge and spill into Harry and Harry watched him come inside him with all the love a human could ever hold in his heart for another human being and when Louis began to shake as he rode out his orgasm, Harry held him and let him ride it out. When Louis had emptied himself to the very last drop and gained some consciousness back, he leaned down and kissed Harry long and softly.

'You are amazing,' he whispered against his lips. 'Now lets take care of you shall we?' Louis pulled out of Harry gently, knowing how sensitive Harry became after sex and looked down at Harry's erection. Which, Louis thought, looked very painful. Harry was impossibly large and hard. Louis thought about a hand job, or he could maybe blow him and make him come but then he realized that this was a celebration and that Harry deserved a mind blowing orgasm like the one he had just given him so Louis discarded the hand and blow jobs and that's when he got the idea to ride him. He had never done it before but he had seen Harry do it so he figured he could try and do what Harry did.

'Baby, I'm taking off your ring okay. Tell me if it hurts yeah,' Louis told him as he commenced to gently pull off the ring which slipped easily thanks to the lube. When it was off, Harry sighed in relief but still his cock throbbed and it hurt. It was so hard and full that it ached. Harry looked at Louis.

'I..I need to,' he began, the throbbing in his dick was now becoming uncomfortable. ' Louis I...I need...' Harry stammered not able to form a whole sentence. All he was thinking about was the sweet surrender to his release and relieve his aching dick.

'I know baby I know and I am going to make you come yeah. I got you,' Louis promised him. He grabbed the lube again and began coating Harry's dick. Harry looked at him a little puzzled.

'Lou what are you doing?' he asked him. Louis grinned at him sheepishly.

'Giving you a mind blowing orgasm just like the one you gave me,' he told him as he straddled Harry, placing Harry's dick at his entrance.

'Louis, you've never done it this way before and I haven't even prepped you. It will hurt,' Harry told him a little panicked but Louis waved him off.

'Relax honey. Let me take care of you. I can do this yeah. Just relax baby,' Louis soothed him and Harry obeyed because if he was to be honest he had dreamed of Louis riding him but he had never dared ask him because he didn't want to make Louis feel like he was expecting anything from him or make him uncomfortable with something he wasn't comfortable with. Harry always took what Louis gave him and he never asked for more. He felt Louis positioning his dick at his tight entrance and lower himself slowly. Harry felt like he was going to lose his mind when he felt his head pushing at Louis' tight rim and Louis hiss above him.

'Lou,' Harry said in a choked voice, 'baby you...you d-don't have to.....fuck!' he groaned as Louis pushed himself a little further down and Harry's head was now nestled into Louis' tight heat. Harry looked at Louis and he had his eyes tightly shut and his face scrunched up in pain and concentration. Harry didn't want to buck up his hips, he wanted Louis to do this at his own pace and time. Well he did want to buck up his hips really badly as his body felt on the verge of exploding but he knew he would hurt Louis if he did.

'Are you okay?' Harry asked him is a hoarse voice as he drew comforting circles with his thumbs on Louis' thighs when Louis didn't move an inch. Fuck he wanted to be inside him. He needed to be inside him.

'Mhm,' Louis moaned and Harry didn't know if it was from pleasure or pain but he assumed it was from both. Louis slowly inched down another inch feeling the burn and stretch take his breath away but he couldn't deny the pleasure he was feeling and he was pretty sure that Harry was feeling pleasure too because this was new to both of them. Louis continued to slowly take in Harry inch by inch until Harry was fully sheathed inside of him and Louis let out a deep sigh mixed with a half strangled groan. He opened his eyes and found Harry looking up at him with so much love and fondness that he nearly passed out from the immense feeling in his heart.

'This feel so ugh good,' Louis whispered as he placed his small hands on Harry's stomach, his fingers sprawled out across Harry's butterfly tattoo. He lifted himself off Harry and immediately back down and Harry hissed loudly at the feeling because it was new and intense and it was Louis and he wanted to so much fuck up into him but he couldn't, not yet, not until Louis was comfortable and told him that he could. Louis began to slowly go up and down Harry's shaft, having gotten used to the stretch and the burn had some what eased off, leaving him feeling full of Harry. Louis found a rhythm, bouncing up and down gently on Harry's dick and for a while all that could be heard in the room were the logs cracking in the fireplace and 'ahh's' from Harry and 'ngh's' from Louis. Harry placed his large hands on Louis' hips, loving the feel of his muscles flexing as he went up and down on him. Finally Louis spoke.

'You...y-you ugh can m-move baby,' he told him breathlessly and that was all Harry needed to hear. He gripped Louis tighter at the hips for purchase, planted his feet firmly on the carpet and as Louis slammed down on him, he bucked up into Louis making him yelp as his hit his prostate dead on.

'Oh fuck fuck,' Louis groaned. 'Do that again,' he gasped. He could feel his dick twitching again but he didn't want to concentrate on him and his dick. Now it was Harry's turn. And Harry was only too happy to oblige to please Louis but also to chase his orgasm. So the moved to the same rhythm, each time Louis slammed down on him, Harry bucked up his hips deep into Louis and they moved together, both panting and sweating both from the exertion and the fire blazing from the fireplace and Harry could feel his body begin to tingle and the familiar tightness and pull in his stomach. His fingers dug deeper into Louis' hips.

'I-I'm I'm cl-close....fuck baby yeah....I'm gonna.....' but Harry didn't get to finish his sentence because he clenched his bum cheeks and shot his load deep into Louis and Louis watched him as Harry threw his head back, eyes closed, lips parted, the veins in Harry's neck sticking out, his body shaking and trembling beneath him and Louis kept on moving up and down on him, milking him till the very last drop, loving the feel of the sticky warmness that filled him up. Louis let him continue to ride out his much awaited orgasm and when Harry slowed down his thrusts because he was spent, Louis leaned forward and rested his head on his chest, his ear over Harry's heart which was beating like a runaway train, his chest going up and down and Louis remained there, with Harry still inside him and his own cock soft, leaking the last bit out of him and Louis couldn't feel happier to feel the warm, shaking body beneath him and to know that he was the love of his life and that Harry loved him and wanted him with the same intensity that he loved and wanted him. Louis felt safe. Louis felt happy and complete. Louis was home.

Slowly he sat up and gently removed himself off Harry and Harry still lay there, his breathing softer but still lost to this world and Louis smiled because Harry sometimes got lost after having a great orgasm. Louis lay down next to him, propping himself up on his elbow so that he could look down into Harry's face and welcome him back when he returned from subspace. He removed his hair out of his face and ran his finger along the leather collar around his neck then ran his finger down between his two swallows, down over his butterfly and further down past his navel then back up. His feather touches stirred Harry and he slowly turned his head toward Louis and opened his heavy eyes and as soon as he focused on Louis, a small smile spread on his lips.

'Hi,' Louis told him as he leaned over and placed a kiss on his still smiling lips. 'Welcome back.' Harry smiled a little wider and blinked heavily and lazily.

'Hey,' he told him, his voice deep and slow.

'How are you feeling?' Louis asked him, his finger still tracing the tattoos on his chest. Harry closed his eyes but still kept his smile.

'Like I've had the best orgasm ever,' he drawled and Louis felt himself melt in this post sex haze that wrapped them both like a soft blanket.

'I'm that good huh?' Louis told him, his own lips forming a fond smile.

'You are that good,' Harry told him, his eyes still closed. 'M'so tired Lou.' Louis kissed his forehead.

'C'mere,' he told him as he pulled cushions off the couch and a blanket. Louis covered them both and Harry buried his face into Louis' chest, his left leg thrown over Louis' hip and Louis wrapped him in his arms, his chin on Harry's head as Harry cuddled into him making himself small so he could fit into Louis.

'Goodnight baby,' Louis told him, placing a kiss on his head and hugging him tightly to his chest. Harry placed a kiss on Louis' chest right were his heart was beating softly and steadily.

'Good night Lou. I love you.'

'I love you too sweetheart.'


	78. Chapter 78

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys here's another update for you. I know you are probably not in the mood to read fics with all this stress and worry about COVID-19. In fact I wasn't going to update at all given the circumstances but I decided that maybe some of you might need a little distraction. After I upload this chapter, you will have to wait a little bit for the next one (or ones) as I am writing the finale. We are not yet on lock down in my country and I hope it will not come to that so I still have to go to work which is very good. I want life to continue as normal as can be. I am already sad enough I will not be travelling at the end of the month to see Louis and worried that Harry will cancel too but I'm trying not to think about it too much. Anyway, I hope you will like this chapter. Hopefully I will be back soon with another one. All the love, M

Louis and Harry arrived at the venue where the London Session was going to take place. They got out of their chauffeured car and after thanking their driver, they were ushered inside to a set up waiting lounge area with couches and refreshments. Niall and Liam had not yet arrived. Louis sat down but couldn't take his eyes off of Harry as Harry strolled into the room. He looked so hot and gorgeous. He wore all black: black shirt hanging loosely over his black very skinny and tight jeans jeans, the first few buttons open, revealing his sparrow tattoos and the top of his butterfly tattoo. He had a black bandana tied around his neck which hung loosely down his chest, along with black boots. His long curly hair reached down past his collarbones is soft long curls. Louis loved Harry's hair. It had grown very long now. It was soft and always smelled of some fruity shampoo that Harry used and Louis loved to play with it, curling strands around his finger. He loved to tangle his fingers in those luscious curls and pull on them when they had sex devouring the beautiful sounds Harry made. It drove Harry crazy, the filthy sounds he made..... Harry smiled at him.

'You're staring,' he told him fondly as he sat down next to him, crossing his long legs, one knee over the other. Louis gave him a fond smile as he ran his hand up his thigh.

'You are gorgeous,' he simply told him never taking his eyes off him. 'I can't help it.' Harry gave him a dimpled smile.

'So are you,' Harry said, 'but unfortunately I can't say the same for that ugly jumper you are wearing,' Harry told him playfully as they both looked down at Louis' woolly jumper. It was a mixture of black, brown and burgundy squares and it didn't do Louis any justice. According to Harry, he was too beautiful for that ugly, plain and unflattering piece of clothing.

'Don't start again Haz,' Louis warned him playfully. 'I love this jumper.' Harry rolled his eyes dramatically.

'I let you go shopping alone for once, in a store that doesn't have Adidas written all over it and you come back with a disgrace.' Louis chuckled.

'For your information I happen to like it. It has taste.' Harry furrowed his brows at him.

'It has taste? Taste in what exactly? Grandad taste? It's definitely lacking vintage so don't even go there honey. You had taste in the last AMA's when I chose that Armani suit for you which by the way you could not even remember what designer you were wearing and that was offensive to me let alone to Giorgio Armani,' Harry protested in a reprimanding tone as if he was a mother chastising her kid. Louis threw his head back and laughed loudly.

'Well better than wearing a suit made of bed sheets Mr. Fashionista,' Louis threw at him and Harry's frown deepened in playful hurt.

'Excuse you Louis William Tomlinson, I'll have you know that that suit was a Gucci, designed and crafted by Alessandro Michele himself,' Harry protested. Louis was still laughing.

'That my love looked like bed sheets. Bed sheets which I wanted to spread you on cos you looked so fucking hot in it,' Louis told him as he leaned closer to him and pecked his lips in the most adoring way. Harry pouted playfully.

'Don't insult my clothes,' he huffed feigning offense and pouting a little. Louis pinched his nose and Harry slapped his hand away.

'Then you don't insult my grandad top.' Harry rolled his eyes again.

'Can't wait to peel you out of it and throw it in the recycling bin.'

'I'm offended,' Louis said, placing a hand on his heart theatrically.

'You should be,' Harry told him. 'I'm offended looking at it! Have you no shame in appearing in front of our fans in THAT? You are going to offend them!' Louis smiled at him.

'They love me in anything,' he told him playfully. Harry smirked at him, his green eyes glinting mischievously.

'I love you in nothing,' he told him his tone playful yet the look he gave Louis was serious and lustful. Louis leaned closer, his lips inches away from Harry's.

'Wanna ditch the show and go home like now? You can have me in nothing,' Louis suggested lustfully, wiggling his eyebrows at Harry. Harry felt the familiar warmth of arousal pool in the base of his stomach but before Harry had any time to give him a reply, the door opened and James walked in, a big smile on his face.

'Guys oh my God I am so happy to see you,' he told them happily as he walked towards them. They got up to greet him. 'How are you?' Louis and Harry hugged him. They loved James. He had been with them since the beginning and they both remembered how he looked out for them in the early days. How could they forget? He had been a father figure to them when there parents weren't around and he was the first to know after their families of their growing love for each other.

'We're good James,' Louis told him as patted him on the back. They pulled back from the hug and sat back down. James looked from one to the other in complete awe of them, a big proud smile on his face.

'Look at you two,' he said as if he was a proud father, which in fact he did feel like it. 'I am so happy for you that you actually came out.' His words filled Louis and Harry with pride and happiness. They looked at each other and Louis gently took Harry's hand in his own and James smiled bigger. He had seen their private PDA before but this was different. This was their freedom out on display. They didn't have to hide or be afraid anymore.

'So are we,' Louis told him with a hint of pride. James shook his head, a happy smile on his face.

'Never in a million years would I have dreamed of seeing this happening. You have fought for this for so long now look at you, all out for the world to see and bask in the warmth of your love. You are such an inspiration. A poster picture for true love.' Harry gave him a smile.

'I believe our fans say we are relationship goals.'

'That you are Harold, that you are,' James agreed. 'I am really so happy for you guys. My boys all grown up.' Louis and Harry burst out laughing as James pretended to get emotional and cry.

'You're full of shit,' Louis teased him. James laughed.

'That I am Lewis! But on a serious note I am really proud of you. How has everyone been taking it?' he asked them. Harry and Louis looked at each other.

'Well,' Harry sighed, 'the fans have been wonderful about it. There have been the few unpleasant comments and tweets here and there but that was to be expected. Still, the positives have been much more than the negatives and we are and we are grateful .' He squeezed Louis' hand and they smiled at each other. 'If we had known it would've turned out like this, we would've done this sooner.' James watched as Louis squeezed Harry's hand back and smiled at him fondly.

'That is so good to hear,' James told them. 'I am really happy for you. I cannot say it enough. You boys are like my own kids and I couldn't be anymore prouder than I am of you. I..I feel like I'm bursting with pride here. You deserve this. Deserve to be free and happy.' Louis and Harry laughed at the theatrics James was pulling. Just then the door opened and in walked Niall and Liam.

'There you are!' James exclaimed as he got up to greet them. 'How are you boys?' Niall and Liam hugged him.

'We are good,' Niall told him. James sighed and pulled a "sad" face.

'I missed your accent Niall,' he told him and Niall burst out laughing loudly as was his custom.

'I bet you did mate. Who wouldn't?' James scowled at him and looked at the others.

'This one's full of himself isn't he? When did his head get so big?' he asked them playfully and they all chuckled. Liam sat next to Louis and Niall squeezed himself next to Harry. James looked at them and shook his head like a patient dad looking at his kids.

'Why must you all squeeze on one sofa when there are others to sit on? You can be comfortable and yet look at you all squeezed there together.' They all huddled even closer to each other.

'We love being close,' Harry told him as he placed his arm around Niall's shoulder and pulled him closer, snuggling into him. Louis gave Niall a look and Niall smirked then pulled away and looked at Harry.

'Dude your boyfriend is giving me the evil eye. Better we leave the snuggling and cuddling for later when he's not looking yeah?' Niall joked giving Harry a wink.

'Fuck off Ni,' Louis told him.

'Jelly much?' James teased him. Louis flipped him off but Harry was quick to wrap his arm around Louis' shoulder and pulled him closer into him and whispered in his ear:

'Only you,' he told him and instantly he felt Louis relax against him. He knew Louis didn't like the others touching him, which sometimes Harry thought was a little over the top especially because it was their friends but Harry knew Louis well enough. He knew he didn't like it and Harry tried to reassure him as much as he could that he was the only one.

The door opened again and James' assistant walked in.

'You are on in ten,' he informed them as he handed James a few sheets of papers which James looked over scanning over the printed words. The boys all stood up ready to follow James out. While James skimmed the sheets, Liam looked at Louis and Harry.

'Are you okay? I mean with this? Giving your first interview?' Harry and Louis looked at each other.

'Yeah we are,' Louis told him.

'And you are okay with us being asked about your relationship?' Niall asked them just to make sure even though they had already discussed it. They both nodded at him.

'Five minutes,' the assistant informed them. They began filing out the door, Niall and Liam following James and his assistant. Before they walked out, Louis touched Harry's elbow, stopping him.

'Are you alright?' Louis asked him. Harry smiled at him.

'I'm just nervous. I have never spoken openly about you and I before,' he admitted. Louis smiled back at him.

'I'm nervous too but we get to tell our story finally Haz. We've always dreamed of this. We might not tell it all but we get to tell the most important part of it all : you and I. And our love.' Harry squeezed his hand.

'Yeah. The world will know us today. They will see us like they've never seen us before.' Harry paused and looked at Louis as he chewed on his bottom lip with a thoughtful look on his face.

'What is it sweetheart?' Louis asked him fondly.

'Do I sit close to you? Am I allowed to hold your hand if I feel like it? I don't know what I'm supposed to do now.' Harry said and Louis couldn't help the fond smile that spread across his face for his adorable boy.

'You are free baby. You can be who you've always been in front of the world now. If you feel like you want to hold my hand, then I will be more than happy to hold yours too. And I would love for you to sit next to me. No more stolen looks or stolen touches. No more sign language or sneaky glances. No more fear or hiding. Today we will be honestly us. As brutally honest as we can be. Let them see us for who we really are okay? Today its about us H.' Harry leaned closer and placed a chaste kiss on Louis' lips.

'Thank you for being my courage when it fails me,' he whispered against his lips. Louis smiled.

'Thank you for being my strength when it lacks me,' he whispered back. He held out his hand to Harry who took it gratefully and together they walked out to the stage. They met up with the others and immediately Niall and Liam asked them if they were alright again and admitted that they too were nervous but that they were there for them ready to support them. The four of them hugged, a circle of four brothers. They held each other for a while before the assistant handed them each a microphone and informed them that it was show time.

They went out on stage amidst loud screaming from their fans. It was a small venue with a few elite fans who had entered a competition and won their place to be here tonight. The boys walked over to the white couch in the middle of the stage, opposite an armchair where James was sitting.The boys took their seats, Niall and Liam moving so that Louis and Harry both sat in the middle close to each other while Niall and Liam flanked their sides. They felt the need to keep them protected. From what they did not know but just in case. Neither of them had felt the need to voice out their fears to Louis and Harry of antis in the crowd but they had discussed it and they were ready to protect Louis and Harry. Still, they had security on the floor with the fans and since it wasn't a big crowd or big venue, they hoped that should anything happen, it would be easily controlled. When the screaming and clapping and a few shouts of Larry had died down, James took in a deep breath.

'Welcome guys. It is so nice to have you here. How are you all doing?' All of them replied with easy smiles, telling James that they were doing well. Nobody could see the slight trembling of their hands. Harry shifted a little just until Louis' knee brushed his thigh. He needed to feel him if only a little just for reassurance. Just to keep him grounded.

'So things have changed a little in the band since Sheffield,' James told them and immediately a small smile appeared on Louis and Harry's faces just as the fans let out a shout of "Larry". 'One Direction now has a new fresh couple. Congratulations boys.' The fans screamed. Harry blushed. Louis' knee bounced a little brushing against Harry's thigh.

'Thank you,' Harry said into the mic and Louis nodded his accordance as he draped his arm over the back of the couch behind Harry. He didn't touch him but he was allowed to do that now.

'How have things been since your coming out?' James asked them. Harry and Louis looked at each other. It was Louis who replied.

'To be honest, we didn't think it would be this wonderful. If we knew, we would've come out sooner.' More screaming from the fans.

'Its been that good then?' James asked. 'You have been accepted?'

'Very much,' Harry said. 'Like Louis said, we didn't exactly know what to expect when we decided to come out. I mean we had an idea with all the Larry shippers.....' Harry was interrupted by the screaming but both he and Louis smiled big and overly fond.

'So they have been right all along then?' James asked referring to their fans. Louis and Harry looked at each other and smiled.

'Yeah they absolutely have,' Louis said with deep fondness in his voice. James smiled at them.

'And for how long has Larry been real?' Again an exchange of shy smiles. They couldn't believe they were talking about their relationship!

'Since the beginning,' Harry said softly. 'I met Louis in the toilet as everyone probably knows by now. I was having a wee and I accidentally peed on him.' Liam and Niall laughed but Louis smiled fondly at his boy who looked shy and was blushing deeply. He wanted to run his hand up and down his back to comfort him but he wasn't sure yet of how much PDA he was allowed to show. He didn't know how much was acceptable.

'You what?' James asked him with humor and Harry giggled and Louis had to bite his lip because his boy was so fucking cute right now.

'Yeah,' Harry said shyly, 'he did say hi to me though.' And he cast a fond look at Louis which made Louis feel weak inside out.

'Aww,' James cooed, 'that is too sweet of a story. Was it anything like love at first sight?' he asked them. Again Louis and Harry shared a look. Louis smiled to himself as if reminiscing the moments past with Harry.

'Well I have to admit I was taken by him right away. He was charming for a sixteen year old. I wouldn't say it was love at first sight for both of us but it was attraction on the spot and we became close once they put us together in the band,' Louis explained.

'And you two lived together at that time right?' James asked.

'We did. We had a small apartment at Princess Park,' Harry replied.

'So take us a little behind the scenes in the life of Larry Stylinson, as the fans have always referred to you.' This made Harry and Louis smile fondly. 'When did you know you were more than just friends?'

'I think it was shortly after we began living together,' Harry said in his slow drawl, his mind going back to the memories. 'I was very much infatuated with Louis.'

'It was mutual. We discussed it,' Louis jumped in laughing and the fans screamed. He knew that they would get it. Harry smiled but continued.

'Living with Louis at the time was the best thing for me as I really missed my family and he was there for me. I think that was one of the factors that most drew me to him, the fact that he was there to fill up that emptiness. He was very caring and very messy,' Harry said. Louis laughed.

'I was. Still am in fact,' he said sheepishly. Harry nodded.

'He drives me up the wall,' Harry admitted playfully. 'But he's also very domestic contrary to what some believe.' Fans cooed. James smiled.

'And how did you break your relationship to your band mates?' James asked.

'Oh they really didn't have to,' Niall answered. 'We knew right away.'

'It was so obvious,' Liam added. 'They were so close. Always to themselves whenever they got some time alone. Louis was very protective of Harry. They really didn't need to tell us anything because we knew.'

'And did that effect your friendship or the band in anyway?' James asked.

'No,' Niall said shaking his head. 'Why would it? Two of our friends fell in love and we couldn't have been happier for them. We supported it from day one.'

'It didn't effect the band either,' Liam said. 'I mean if any of us had found a partner in the beginning of our career how would that have effected the band in anyway? Being in a band and having a relationship is like having a 9 to 5 job and a relationship. Your relationship won't interfear with your job and it was the same with Louis and Harry. Co-workers falling in love.' More screams from the fans and Harry and Louis couldn't help but smile at them. James turned back to Louis and Harry.

'So you have been together for almost six years and you decided to come out now. Why?' Harry felt a trickled of apprehension. They had to be careful how to answer certain questions. They had been trained for them and James had been given a list of what to ask but still Harry felt apprehensive.

'Well,' Harry began, 'we were kinda really young when we met. I was sixteen and Louis was eighteen....'

'Technically you were still just a kid,' James interrupted him and Harry blushed and smiled while all the girls screamed and Louis wanted nothing more than to wrap him in his arms tightly and hold him.

'Technically I was even though I was mature for my age,' Harry said in his slow drawl, dragging out the words. 'Which is why we tried to keep it a secret because we didn't know if it would last or if it was just a phase. We wanted to see where we were going with this, if it was anything that would grow and develop. And it did. We decided to do it now because the timing is right for all intents and purposes.' Harry left it at that. He knew James would understand what he was talking about just as he knew that the fans would pick it up and understand it.

'Well you didn't keep it much of a secret did you?' James told them and they all laughed.

'We thought we were keeping it a secret,' Louis told him highly amused, 'but our fans, our Larries as they call themselves they are a wee clever little bunch they are. They picked up everything. Every little detail. They saw everything and put all the pieces together. In all fairness they've been through this with us. I mean they fought for us when others didn't believe Larry was real. They supported us. They even got slack for us from other fans and from the media too so we are very grateful for them. We saw how the media blamed them for certain things and how they were blamed for supposedly ruining our friendship. They didn't ruin it. In fact, they made it stronger because we were safe in the knowledge that should we ever decide to come out, they would accept us and they didn't fail us now. They made our closet a little less wood and a little more glass. We can never thank them enough. We didn't know if coming out would be the destruction of One Direction and there were others to consider too not just me and Harold here (more screams) Like Hazza said (more screams) we had to make sure before we came out even though we were sure earlier on in our relationship that what we had was real but there were other things to consider that we just couldn't rush headlong into it.' James nodded and smiled at both of them.

'Okay so bear with me for a little bit here but I am going to be a Larrie for a while now and ask things that I know most Larries out there have been dying to ask. There are theories about you and we Larries because guys I am definitely a Larrie and want to know if there is any solid foundation to these theories or not. Are you ready?' Both Louis and Harry smiled at him and nodded. 'Okay then. Harry, the ring you wear on your right index finger with the blue stone, is it true that that is an engagement ring?' Harry smiled to himself and automatically his left index and thumb fingers went to circle the ring on his right index finger. He shot Louis a look and Louis' face told him to go for it. Harry looked at James.

'It is more of a commitment ring,' Harry explained softly and the fans screamed.

'A commitment ring?' James asked curiously. Harry nodded absent minded clearly lost in a memory dear to his heart.

'We were too young to bethinking about marriage though we knew by then that we wanted to be together,' Harry continued to explain, 'so one day Louie here gave me this ring as a promise for future commitments to come.' More screaming and blushing from Louis. James looked from one to the other.

'And when did this take place?' he asked. This time it was Louis' time to reply.

'28th September 2013,' he said and the screaming rose. Recognition passed over James's face.

'So that is why the number 28 is your special number?' he asked and they both nodded and smiled fondly.

'It is,' Louis said proudly.

'You made quite a show of wearing the number 28,' James pointed out and Louis laughed.

'Yeah I guess I did.'

'Not subtle there. Another question we Larries want to ask is are you two RBB and SBB?' This time all four of them burst into fits of laughter.

'They are!' Niall choked out still laughing.

'How did that come about?' James asked clearly interested.

'It was actually Louis' idea,' Liam explained. 'We got thrown this rainbow bear on stage one time and we get given all the stuff we get thrown on stage. Some we keep, others we donate. Mostly if its stuffed animals we donate to children's hospitals. But when Louis saw this one he wanted to keep it. Next thing we know, him and Harry come up with these two bears which they said were going to help them pass out messages to the fans.'

'And it worked,' Louis said pushing playfully at Liam's shoulder. 'Whatever we did with the bears they picked up on. Even our moods from simple stickers. They know I'm the blue sticker and Hazza is the green one. When the media printed things out that we knew were not true, Haz and I would use the bears and we managed to get the messages across to them and reassure them as much as we could.' James looked at them a small smile on his face.

'You two are sneaky and clever aren't you?' James asked them playfully and again all four of them laughed. They were happy and at ease. 'On a more serious note. Let's talk about two of your songs in particular that I am sure your fans would love to know about or at least they would love for you to confirm their suspicions. Louis my first question is for you. What is the true meaning behind the song 'Home'?' Harry looked at Louis and they shared a knowing look.

'Well 'Home' to me is an expression, more of a statement if you will. I am pretty certain by now that our fans have put one and one together and know what its about. I have been away from home since I was eighteen but little did I know that I would actually find my home outside of home, if that makes any sense. And I never knew I would become someone's home either so when I wrote 'Home' I had Harry in mind (lots of screaming) because I have learned that home is never two walls and a roof. Home to me is two arms and a heartbeat. 'Home' is also a self expression.' He looked at Harry and Harry blushed deep and furious but the smile on his face was priceless.

'Aww Louis,' James cooed, 'I never took you for the romantic type. Is he romantic Harry?' James asked.

'He can be...with a little effort,' Harry said playfully, his dimples popping and Louis pretended to pout as Niall and Liam both laughed loudly.

'Back to music,' James continued. 'Harry is it true you wrote 'If I Could Fly' for Louis? Because you two seem to talk a lot about home in your songs.' More fonding. More screaming. Harry took in a breath.

'It was written about missing that one person who is your home and you can't be with them for a period of time and knowing that if you had the chance to fly, they would be the first person you would fly to because everyone eventually flies back home and Louis yeah is my home.' Lots of awww's from the audience.

'That is beautiful Harry. If I Could Fly Home. You two are half making me want to fly home back to my wife. But only half.' Everyone laughs. 'Tell me about 'Perfect.' You wrote that together. Did you write it like together as in being in the studio at the same time because I read some funny stuff on Twitter about you guys being in different time zones when you actually wrote it and just emailing lyrics to each other?' All four of them laughed.

'No we actually wrote it together together as in the same studio at the same time,' Louis explained. 'Some people actually kept believing till the end that Harry and I were mortal enemies. I guess it was easier for them to believe that rather than believe that we are a couple.'

'And what was the inspiration behind 'Perfect'? I mean what's with causing trouble up in hotel rooms? And having secret rendevouz? What is that all about? Where you like little rebels?'

'When we wrote Perfect,' Harry explained, 'we wanted to write about our relationship in the beginning, in those early stages when it was just fun and exciting with the element of discovery. Louis was very loud and very funny. He still is sometimes but back in the early days he was adventurous and always pulling pranks on people and just pure fun and 'Perfect' was about us discovering each other, about sneaking around and being on the road and having fun with it basically.'

'That is truly wonderful. And is it true that Ed Sheeran wrote '18' and 'Little Things' about you two?' Louis cocked his head at James.

'Really James? Who doesn't know that? I think those two songs where the biggest give aways ever.' James pretended to look offended.

'Okay take it easy on me. I am a new Larrie.' More laughter from the boys and screams from the fans. 'Anymore songs that were give aways?' James asked. Louis and Harry seemed to be thinking.

'Something Great,' Harry said.

'They don't know about us,' Niall said.

'I loved you first,' Louis added.

'Strong,' Liam laughed.James looked stunned.

'You should release a greatest hits album and call it Larry Stylinson!' James said earning loud screams from the fans. All the boys laughed and the fans screamed some more.

'We should,' Louis agreed. 'That's an impressive idea. Maybe after the break yeah.'

'Talking of break. Now you are all off on a break. What are you guys looking forward to the most?'

'Relaxing,' Niall says .'Just some time to do nothing except sleep and play golf.'

'Spending time with my family,' Liam offers up. 'I miss them so much.'

'Laundry and house cleaning,' Harry says, shooting a look at Louis and Louis couldn't help but laugh out loud.

'Laundry and cleaning' James asked with a raised eyebrow. 'You are going on a break after five years of non-stop working and you are looking forward to laundry and cleaning?' Harry shrugged.

'Yeah,' Harry drawls, 'I love to clean and do laundry. It relaxes me. I find it theraputic.'

'So I take it you are the domestic one out of the both of you?'

'I am,' Harry replies.

'I do help out,' Louis says in his defense. 'I can't help I'm messy.'

'Has he always been messy?' James asks Harry and Harry smiles his dimpled smile oozing fondness.

'Yeah he has and probably will always be but that's why opposite attracts.'

'Fair enough,' James says. 'So how long will this break last?' They take time in replying to James, telling him about their plans for the upcoming break. James asked them a few more questions regarding their new album and their remaining promo.

'Finally,' James tells them, 'before you go off and perform for your most lovely fans, I need you to answer me this one last question. Will One Direction ever comeback or is this the beginning of the end?'

'We are definitely coming back,' Liam strongly confirms.

'We would be fools not to,' Niall agrees. 'We still have so much to give so yeah we are definitely coming back.'

'Promise,' Louis offers as he raises up his pinky finger.

'We might not have a time limit as to when we will get back together but I can see in the foreseeable future a One Direction reunion,' Harry concludes.

'Guys thank you so much and I wish you a very good relaxing break because you deserve it and earned it. Hope to see you all back very soon. I'll leave you now to perform some of your new songs off your amazing album Made in The A.M for your fans.' The boys got up and shook hands with James, Louis and Harry sharing a knowing look full of relief that they had actually done this. They took their place at the center of the stage as the lights dimmed down. They felt the adrenaline soar through them and they did what they do best : they performed and sang their heart outs to their lovely fans. Louis and Harry felt at ease because this was their first performance since they had come out and it felt wonderful and easy and Harry nearly passed out when Louis passed him by and touched his hand, not bothering to be discreet about it. The time for discretion was done. Now they were out for everyone to see.

 

Forty five minutes later, Louis and Harry were tucked in the back seat of their rental being driven back home. Louis held Harry's hand in his, their fingers intertwined.

'That was bloody amazing,' Louis said. He was still on a high and Harry loved it when he was like this. It brought out Louis' childish side. He loved how Louis wouldn't stop talking about it, how his eyes would light up as he got all excited and he was all hyper.

'It was,' Harry told him as he scooted closer to him and nuzzled his nose in his neck.

'It's been awesome to perform again. I mean being up on stage again after Sheffield, I forgot what it felt like and tonight after the interview which I must say went really well, I just felt the love you know. It gave me such a boost.' Harry hummed against the skin of his neck as he continued to nuzzle against his neck and gently kiss behind his ear. Louis squirmed in his seat as Harry sucked on his earlobe.

'And James he's like so fucking awesome. I love the guy and he is genuinely happy for us. I am so bloody happy we gave him this first interview. He deserves it for all he has done for us....' Harry cut him off by grabbing his chin and turning his face towards him and without warning he shoved his tongue into his mouth kissing Louis hard. Louis was stunned into silence but soon kissed Harry back with the same intensity. When they both needed to breathe, Harry pulled back but let his lips linger on Louis'.

'That shut you up nicely now didn't it?' Harry said against his lips, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

'Asshole,' Louis retorted with a smile. Harry smiled and placed a kiss on his lips.

'But you love me,' he said quietly.

'But I love you,' Louis replied equally quiet. They hardly noticed that they had arrived home. They thanked their driver and made their way inside. Louis locked the door behind them and threw the keys on the hallway table. Harry walked in before him into the kitchen, switching on lights as he went. Louis followed him knowing Harry well enough by now to know that after a show he needed a warm drink to soothe his throat and he had gotten into the routine too. Harry put the kettle on and Louis sat on the stool at the kitchen island.

'Tea?' Harry asked him.

'Please love,' Louis replied. Harry busied himself making a mug of tea for Louis and a cup of warm honey and lemon for himself. 'So what's next on the agenda?' Louis asked him as he toed off his Vans and let them fall on the kitchen floor. He wiggled his toes and sighed contentedly. Harry poured the hot water in the cups.

'Well after this, I really really want to get you out of that ugly ass sweater and make love to you,' Harry told him. Louis rolled his eyes.

'I meant work wise asshole,' Louis told him fondly. 'But I'm all up for your agenda.' Harry walked over to Louis placing both steaming cups on the counter top. He slid between Louis' legs and cupped his face in both his hands, tilting his face up to meet his eyes.

'I love you,' Harry told him, leaning in and brushing his lips softly over Louis'. Louis felt his heart soar and grow and expand. He put his hands on Harry's waist and pulled him closer, having to spread his legs a little wider to accommodate Harry.

'I love you,' he whispered back. Harry smiled against his lips.

'Hmm sounds better than asshole,' he said chuckling. Louis pulled back a little, looking up into those green shining eyes down at him.

'Asshole!' he said smiling. Harry kissed him again, this time a little deeper and a little longer. When he pulled back, he looked down at him.

'I am so lucky to have you Lou. To get to live this wonderful life with you. I don't know what I did to deserve you but I feel very blessed and I am looking forward to spending the rest of my life with you till we are old and gray.' Louis tightened his grip on Harry's waist.

'Look who's especially sappy tonight!' he retorted and Harry gave him a soft dimpled smile.

'I am yes. I am so hopelessly in love with you and its a blessing that you are equally in love with me. Not many are so fortunate to have what we do baby and I am never taking it for granted. There where times where I nearly lost you......'

'Hey hey,' Louis stopped him. 'You're never going to lose me okay. I'm not going anywhere besides upstairs to our bedroom where I believe you promised you were going to make love to me?' Louis raised a questioning eyebrow at him and gave him a lopsided grin. Harry smiled and kissed his lips once again.

'That I did and I intend to do,' he told him as he took his hand in his and helped him off the stool, never letting his hand go all the way up to their bedroom.

 

To be continued really soon...............Outing Larry the finale.


End file.
